The Harland Highway - 583 - Harland is a guest on another PODCAST - Part 2

Episode Date: June 12, 2014

Harland was a guest on another podcast and shares the 2nd part of the interview. Bake a fake cake!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, little sister shotgun. Oh, yeah. Hey, little sister shotgun. It's a nice day for a nice podcast or two. Yeah, this is like, ever try that bubble gum, double bubble? Where just in the name, you think you're getting double the bubble for all your trouble? Well, this is like a double podcast, double bubble, hubble, hubble. Telescope, Barney Rubble, Gubble.

I don't know what that meant to you. Let me try and explain it clearer and cleaner. Today, I am hijacking another guy's popular podcast. It's the second in the series. He did a two-hour interview with me, and I've chopped it up into four. I've stolen his podcast from the Internet. shopped it up and put it here because I'm trying to cross-promote.

People might not know about me being on his podcast or might not know about his podcast. So I figure since I'm half of the interview, he's doing half and I'm doing half, I thought I'd pull it, put it in here for you guys to hear. And this is part two, a full half hour of me with Pete Holmes on You Made It Weird. It's the second part out of four. Here we go. It's the Harland Highway.

You just made a wrong turn On to the Harland Highway I am out here for you You don't know what it's like to be me out here for you It's like I picked the wrong week, Chris Moore I'm funny how, I mean funny like I'm a clown, I amuse you Like I took the wrong week, quit drinking I make you laugh, I'm here to fucking amuse you

You're riding down the Harland Highway With Harland Williams I'd buy that for a dollar What was it we had for dinner tonight? Well, we had a choice, steak Fish? Yes, yes, I remember. I had lasagna.

What do you mean, funny? Funny how? How am I funny? It's like I picked the wrong week to quit unfit of me. She's got a thought for Samantha thing to say. Welcome to the Harland Highway. I picked the wrong week. Quit the wrong week to stop doing my own podcast.

Hey, we're back this week with, uh, I told you, uh, you know, a few podcasts back. Uh, I did this other podcast with a gentleman named Pete Holm. He has a show on TVS. He follows Conan. He has a talk show. It's a very popular podcast called You Made It Weird. And Pete asked me to come in and be on the show as a guest, very gracious to do so and had a great time talking to him.

But I guess we kind of got into a lot of topics, and we ended up talking for over two hours. So I promised you guys I would hijack his podcast, play it on here, because you never get to hear me on the other side of the microphone being interviewed. And you might not like it. You might like it. I don't know. I think it, the reason I probably don't do a ton of these interviews is because they tend to get a little serious.

And I like to keep it a little silly. But I think we got a good mix here. But Pete, Pete was a very good interviewer and was able to open some provocative topics and carry on some great conversations, which I truly enjoyed. and it was a little out of my comfort zone. I usually don't, you know, go down that street and get too in depth about my thoughts. But Pete kind of brought it out of me and we had fun. And I thought, you know, geez, I should share this with the pavement pounders.

Let them hear me on the other side of the microphone, as I said. So this is part two of what will eventually be a four-part thing because I'm only going to play a half hour per show when I do this. So if you want to hear the whole thing, it's entirely, I'm going to start it and stop it right where it left off, but over four episodes. As I said, this is number two, and then we'll do another half hour, you know, a little ways down the road, and then we'll do the final half hour a little ways down the road. I just thought it would be something different, unusual.

And, you know, I've never done this before, but, you know, it's not going to be the noise. but it's a little switch of gear. So I hope you enjoy me because you come to my podcast, but I also hope you enjoy Pete Holmes. And normally you don't play another guy's podcast, but I hope in the spirit of sharing and caring and, you know, passing on good things. I hope maybe if nothing else you become a fan of Pete Holmes show

and listen to his podcast. as well. So it's a little cross-promotion for him, which I'm happy to do. And so here we go. This is part two of me, Harlem Williams, on You Made It Weird, the Pete Holmes podcast. I hope you enjoy. Now entering nerdist.com.

You made it weird. Yes, you made it weird. You made it weird. With Pete Holmes. What's up, weirdos? I'm thrilled that Harlan Williams came in and made it weird. And I honestly can't think of a more ideal guest, somebody that was just incredibly willing and ready to just dive right in. And this is somebody that I only know from the stand-up scene. We do shows together, you know, maybe once a month I'll see him. And he came into the studio. And he was just exactly what we want out of the show, just ready to go, open, honest, and very, very funny. So let's not waste any time. All right, Harland Williams, everybody. Harland Williams. You know, my friend's father was one of the pioneers of that technology.

He works for a company called Visage, which, of course, is French. What, face recognition? Yeah. Oh, wow. Which I thought was so interesting. It's so funny, no matter what your dad does, your son will think it's stupid because I was like, what, you can look at it? And he was like, shut up, stupid.

He just wants to go to the basement and play video games. But yeah, he does that, which is pretty wild. Yeah, that's amazing. But that goes back to the stick. And meanwhile, we're developing cameras that in real time can tell who's what. Yeah, yeah. You know what this means. What?

The more things change, the more they stay the same, right? History is just going to repeat itself. So in the past, goofy costumes used to work. Like, if you're going to rob a bank, you'd put on, like, a fake. nose and a mustache and be like stick them up and now that's ridiculous but now the facial recognition we're going to see criminals right with like fake rosy cheeks there's still there's still guys to do it there was that guy they just caught I think uh late last year called the old man bank robber no he dressed up like an old man he was this guy that he's

ripped off like like 120 banks over the last eight years dressed as an old guy yes and they think they just caught him like last year so you know it's funny that that came First of all, that's hilarious. And then he played Kyrie Irving in one-on-one. If you get that, you're a young person. Yeah. Kyrie Irving is a basketball player. He dressed up like an old person and went to, like, Harlem and played basketball.

Oh, really? Pick-up games. It's very funny. Huh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know that. Somebody sent it to me. I don't even know if I believe that, to be honest.

When you watch it, especially as a show busy, you're going to watch it and be like, they see the cameras. I mean, somebody has to know something. I'm just not believing it. Yeah. Is it fun? We love bank robbers. Yeah.

We love them. We love bank robbers. Love them. And is it, does it, does it? Posters in the bedroom of bank robbers. Farah Fawcett, the Duke brothers, bank robber, the old guy. And there was a guy in Australia who used to dress up like Rod Stewart and go in. Really?

And Rob Banks. That means Rob Stewart? Rob Stewart. Nice. Very nice. That means at some point, it was in Australia. Yeah. An Australian police officer was like, can we be certain it's not Ron Stewart? Right. Right. Acid wash change, sure.

Who but Rod Stewart would assume that image. But you're talking about the number, our bank account, which kind of blew my mind. You're right. We look at it. And it's just this belief system. It gives us comfort or gives us panic. Now, believe it, if you don't have any money, you won't have any food. And that becomes very real. Right. But I think that might be one of the reasons why we love bank robbers is because there are these people that are just like, fuck everything. They're these little viruses. Yeah. Like, it's one of those crimes that everyone seems to enjoy.

Yeah. Well, I've said many times over the years to girlfriends because I think it would be a complete rush. Like, it would be a rush. I said, let's rob a 7-Eleven, but with fake guns. So no one gets her, but I want that, you know, I have fantasies with, with, with, I would love to do the Bonnie and Clyde thing where you rob a 7-Eleven or whatever someplace with a fake gun. There's no way anyone could get hurt except you. You might get shot being in the idiot doing it.

And then you jump in the car and you ride. You know, you get like $200, $300, but it's not getting the money. It's the thrill of being with a hot chick. You're on the fly. You go to a cheesy hotel. You make love. You're rolling the money. You go buy stupid stuff.

You know, for about two, three days, you would just be like, this is awesome. Exactly. And then you'd be over it. You'd be like, that was the dumbest thing we've ever done. But just that one night. Right. If I could go to Fantasy Island, I think that would be it. Well, that was in the movie, Ray Fines, they sell.

Someone listening to the podcast is yelling right now of what it is. Like the name of the movie. It's that movie where people put these things on their heads. Oh, the James Cameron. movie, wasn't it? Was it? No. Anyway, sorry.

You can, like, presumably in this movie, I put a recorder on my head, and then I go and do stand-up. Okay. You're inside my body, and then you could buy the disc of the experience of me,

of being in my body. So it's like avatar for, like, bad people in the city. Yeah, and it's older. Yeah. I remember it vaguely. Yeah. I forget what it's called.

It came out with some really cool trailers and it was very, like, futurist, and then it just bombed. Strange days. Yeah. It just kind of aided, I remember.

remember it it looked like a neat idea but then it never never did well and I was young enough where I was just like it's a movie so it's great yeah right I mean like I had no concept of like it didn't do well at the box I got yeah but then one of the things they do and that is people do robberies yeah and I look one of the weird truths is that those things we're aware and society is aware that there's probably no better feeling than what you just described what that's one of like doing something wrong yeah In fact, a society is the only thing that provides the opportunity to get those thrills. I talk about this on stage. I'll open a drink in the supermarket and drink it before I paid for it. Yeah, I've done that. It's the last vestige of like, because it's completely defensible. Yeah, and you know you're going to pay for it. As long as you don't drink the barcode, you're good.

If you drink that barcode, you're a thief. But as long as you don't mulch that up and pulp it down. If I do that and you come out dressed as a shop manager and go, Don't drink that barcode, son. Yeah. I would laugh for about two days. Yeah. Don't.

Because that's all it is. They don't care about the liquid. They just care about the barcode. Right. Well, God, I'm sorry. I was thinking about the next question. Oh. I remember where we were going.

Oh, my God. Right. And I betrayed you. And I'm so sorry. I like to be right. It's better than being the other way that I am normally. But here's the thing. Rules and breaking rules.

It's one of the great. privileges that we have. Chimpanzees don't have that. Everything's allowed in the Chimp Society. Sure. Yeah. So when, I always think of Disney World. Disney World is one of the funnest places to do something wrong because it's so right. Everything is so structured in order. I broke into Epcot Center or I stayed after it closed. I like it. Me and a friend. And it was like the most innocent thing. Wow. They just play a bell sound when you're supposed to leave at like midnight. And we, we just stayed. Where did you stay? Like with the dinosaurs or where, Where'd you hide?

I'm a crull on that dinosaur egg, Billy. The funny thing, there's no ghost protocol for people that stay in Epcot after it's closed. They just don't know what to do. And I mean that in a good way. First of all, we got in without tickets. I was performing there. Okay. And I did a show.

And they wouldn't let me in. And the woman was like, I'm sorry. She was probably like 16 years old. And you can see what city she's from on her name. Oh, yeah, yeah. And she's like, I'm so sorry. can't and people are walking in going hey great show tonight and I'm like thanks see I work for the park basically let me please look because I would have bought a ticket yeah but the ticket booth

closes at like five the park closes at midnight midnight weird I'm like I would have bought one earlier yeah so I'll never forget it I walked past finally they had to open the gate it's me and this other person for it worked for Comedy Central they opened the gate and for a woman with a baby and I just went in with them and I was like ameer come on and she came to And then the girl was like, please, please come back. And I go, I understand that's your official position. And I will tell anyone that asks me that you tried to stop me, but I'm not going to stop. And then we just kept going.

Wow. And it, like, suddenly I didn't have any blood. It was all adrenaline because I'm a super puss. I don't break any rules. I don't want to get anyone in trouble. Right, right. And she didn't get in trouble, by the way, in case anyone's worried. I just got.

I don't wish she did. Tired of the log ride. Send her down. Oh, that's magical kingdom. man she's tired of the educational like realistic china if you did the voice it would be okay in China oh thank you very much

that was like Chinese Homer Fudd there ah you ask a while I go stuff fry your ass so anyway I the point of the story is then I went around Epcot

we stayed in late we never got in trouble because every time when we ran into somebody they were like you guys are supposed to go and we're like no problem we're on our way out you know like we just They were that friendly? They couldn't have been friendlier. The security guards were like... First of all, no security.

Oh. Second of all, all, all the rides are unlocked. We went in every building. Every building. Wow. And the rides weren't running, but it was one of the most magical... You want to talk about the magic thing? And every pool I saw, I climbed the fence and jumped in the pool.

So I'm, like, wet and a little bit drunk, and it was one of the greatest nights of my life. The reason I told you that story is to tell you that, like, breaking rules, robbing banks, you robbing a bank. Yeah. Would be the best. Yeah. You're right. Yeah. We don't do it because you might die.

You might get arrested. All these sorts of things. Yeah. But death and arrest, those are things in place to stop us from doing stuff like that. Yeah. Yeah. But, hey, everybody. Who wants to have better sex?

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and I feel like this came up recently on the show but a serial killer wrote about how killing people was the biggest rush of his life like very openly was like I'm aware that it's wrong and that's why that's part of why like doing something

doing the worst thing yeah you know what I mean so we do have this dark side to us that wants to rob banks that I'm not saying anybody wants to murder anybody but like we want to do bad things yeah well you have to assume serial killers they must enjoy it they must enjoy it they do it you know i bet the whole thing the guilt and the and the doing it and then the guilt and then the repenting and then the doing it again and then beating yourself up i've had

similar relationships with different sins i'm putting sin in quote in my own life yeah of course i'm sorry are you a believer in sin is there things we're supposed to be doing and things we're not supposed to be doing? I'm a believer in sin as in dark forces and people doing things wrong as in people doing things that hurt other people. Like murder, yeah. Oh yeah, murder. And, you know, I just can't kind of fathom the concept of people who wake up in the morning. You know, their alarm clock goes off. They put on their socks, put on their shoes, put on their pants, and then, you know, stretch, yawn, and go, who can I hurt today? Yeah. Who can I rob? Who can I physically harm?

Who can I steal from? And the concept that that runs through their mind is it's very sad to me. Right. But it's just awful that people, there are people that have that. Isn't it, this comes up on the show. It's an Alcoholics Anonymous thing, I think, where they say hurt people, hurt people. So someone that's hurting someone else is also hurting. And this brings me to my next theory, which is I think I'm a pretty big believer in self-love, which is a gross thing to say.

Yeah. But I think if we... Isn't it uncomfortable? Look, I'll be the whipping point for the cause. Because I believe that if everybody loved themselves a little bit more, it would help them love other people. You know, it starts with you. Sure.

I'll buy into that. Right? I believe that. Because then I value myself and then it helps me value you. If I don't value me, then maybe I'd be that much quicker to doing a hit and run or something. I love that. That is beautiful. But on the same note, it's like I don't feel like...

like I want to excuse people who are from the wrong side of the tracks and go, hey, man, I was done wrong, so now I'm going to do wrong to you. To me, that's just, you know, I think people, most human beings, unless they're chemically imbalanced or have, you know, severe mental issues can know the difference between sin and bad and good. And I think anyone who commits a crime, they make the decision to do it. And fortunately, in this society, in America, there's ways where people can justify and kind of make a blueprint for getting out of it

because they know the judicial system is so flawed and the legal system's got so many holes. And I think people go, you know what, what I'm about to do is really wrong. I'm going to hurt people, but I'm going to get out of it. I'm going to do this and I'm going to walk away from it. I think, you know what it is is when I was in high school, we had a little touchy-feely segment or whatever. we had like a therapist and all this sort of stuff and then we realized that we could like I took a test and I wasn't ready for it and I told it wasn't a lie I was having basically a panic attack oh really I told the teacher that I like couldn't focus wait just so I'm clear a psychiatrist came into the school I just knew that we had those things available to us you know like there was a therapist in the school in the school okay and you went to see the therapist so like what you're saying here I'm kind of saying what I did was a little bit wrong was a little bit of an abuse. I wasn't going to do well on the test.

That's what gave me the panic attack. I should have studied. Yeah. And then I abused the system and said, can I be excused? And I could. And I could take the test on another day. Oh, okay.

So I think that's kind of what's happened in the judicial system in that. And I'm out of my depth here. So just listen to these as basic thoughts from an idiot. Yeah. There are cases, and I always cite this case on the show, but there was the sniper in Texas who shot 37, blah, blah, people.

Remembering the bell tower? He's the one that, like, kind of started at all. Yeah, the silicon chip inside her head gets switched to overload. You know that song? No. The Boomtown Rats? I don't like Mondays. That song is about that individual.

Is it? Yeah. Interesting. It's a great song. It was a number one top radio hit. The switch was... The silicon chip inside his head gets switched to overload. The silicon.

Oh, and nobody. he's going to go to school today he's going to make them stay at home and daddy doesn't understand it he always said he was good as gold and he can see no

reasons because there are no reasons no reasons that you need to be told tell me why I don't like Monday yeah you got it I don't know I Right at the end, you got it.

That's a great tune, man. Well, that guy, there wasn't a silicon chip in his head. There was a brain tumor. Yeah. And he wrote in his suicide note, because he killed himself, that he was having these feelings of mass murder for the past six months, and I want you to look at my brain. I insist that you do a biopsy on my brain or whatever.

And they did. And then modern science now knows that the section of his brain that had this tumor was in charge of things like impulse control, maniac, suicidal, and destructive murder thoughts or whatever. And I'm definitely, you know, oversimplifying this. And the other example I always use is there was this guy who wasn't, he was like my age, then all of a sudden like that, he just was very aroused by children, goes to the doctor, he didn't act on it, unrelated goes to the doctor, and he had been turned on by kids for like six

months or whatever. Yeah. They were like, well, six months ago, a tumor started growing in your brain. Or they were like, you have a tumor in your brain. It's probably been there like six months. And it was in the part of his brain that controls things like sexual appetite and boundaries, all that sort of stuff. They take the tumor out. He's no longer has the feelings anymore.

The great punchline to that story is then, like, another couple years later, he sees a kid scampering by at the pool and he's aroused. He knows to go back to the doctor. The tumor had started growing back and they got it really early. Really? Interesting. there's there's the case for who can we judge like how ethical is it to judge anybody yeah and then also I'm here with you to say you're right because of things like that that make us consider that ethical question we have endless numbers of more people who will take advantage of it right and be like

it wasn't me I have a brain tumor and he does have a brain tumor but like where does our humanity end and our conscious choice choosing end and when does it become like a physical thing? It's tough and the answer can be complicated or it can be simple, it could be harsh and sometimes the answer to me when I get mad is, you know, there's a lot of people. There's seven billion people.

If some guy decides to, you know, stick his hand down a little boy's pants, whether he's got a brain tumor or he's a liar or he's just a purve, you know what? We got 7 billion of us. We don't need them. And that's harsh.

That's the harsh way to go. But I'm looking out for the kid. I couldn't give a fuck if a guy has a brain tumor or he's chemically embouncery had a bad upbringing. And that's really harsh. But the idea of a kid's life being ruined by some guy drives me nuts. I'm about to say something horrible. Are you ready? Great.

The kid then, let's say this guy's been molesting this kid for a long time. Yeah. And you kill the guy. Yeah. The kid now has abuse in his past, and I'm not saying, I'm not saying anything like this. Yeah. I'm just saying in your harsh black and white world, you go, well, statistically, this kid is more likely to do something possibly. It's possible.

And I don't know if that's true, by the way, and I said that was horrible. Well, they say that a lot of times that stuff gets passed along. That's what I'm saying. So the idea that he might have those feelings is one thing, but if he acts on those feelings, that's another thing. Right. So we're not killing, we're not killing people that's, it's minority report. That's what we're talking about. It's like you might commit a crime so we stop you before you do it, but you didn't do it. Yeah, no, that's, that's pushing it too far. But if people do it, it's like, it sounds super harsh, but, you know, there's, most of society just wants to get through life and not have, not be molested or raped or robbed or stolen from. and unfortunately in any environment in any species there's always going to be a small percentage that perpetuates this stuff and I don't know I'm just asking the question is it better just to carve them out and like get rid of them and let everyone move on peacefully or do you keep trying to you know rehabilitate them and fix them and put them back in society where how often do you see these stories where it's repeat offender after repeat offender You know, the drunk driver on his third DUI kills a family.

Right. You know, the child molester, on his third offense of molesting a kid, ends up raping and killing a kid. Right, right, right. I'm personally, I don't have time for that. Well, do you watch Breaking Bad? No. Oh, you should watch Breaking Bad. Is it good?

I hear it's amazing. Oh, yeah. And you can do it the best because you have so many of them. You can kind of watch it at your leisure, and you'll love it. Okay. And it's not a spoiler, but there's a character named Mike in the show that makes that point. He was like, when cops go to a physical abuse case, and it was so routine, and then one day the guy killed the girl, and it's like, we should have. Yeah, why, you know, my approach is people are going to listen to and go, what a dick, but at the same time, it's like, I'm looking out for your kids, I'm looking out for you.

It's like, I really don't have a lot of patience for the person who's, who's, you know, not right. You're judged dread. I'm looking out for the people that don't deserve. this type of things to happen to that you're looking out for megacity one i guess i am i guess i am and i know i know it's harsh and it's cold but i'll tell you what man if you had a kid or i had a kid or anyone listening at a kid and somebody you know repeat offender like raped your kid or did something horror i can't stomach that it's like get rid of the problem you know yeah but it's you know i get it there's a lot of grayness there's a lot of blurred lines where it's like who what

How long has he been out? You know, what did he really do? But did he really get convicted? You know, that's the problem. Right. There's so many gray areas. But that's the problem with life. That's life.

See, it's annoying. What you're saying is appealing. What you're saying appeals to our instinct and it's why we survive as a species. We have this black and white cut it off, leave the sick person in the herd because we have to keep going. We're on a pilgrimage, and we've got to get to water. We're going to die. So, leave that sick person. And when I say sick, I just mean people sick in a perverted, dementia.

The same thing. We're in a herd and there's the guy that keeps diddling everybody. You can hack them in the face with your machete and you're the alpha and you keep going. But the problem with life and everything is like, I mean, you run into those cases where it's like, oh, that guy was innocent or like you run into one. So in your situation, you have to be like, yeah, I make mistakes. You have to be like Mystic River. Spoiler alert. But at the end, Sean Penn killed Tim Robbins.

And he's just like, yeah. I thought he raped my I know and that's why it's so hard to pull that off but you know at the end of the day if you go by my harsh analysis it's like look there's a lot of people right you know what I mean at the end of yeah but you know what this movie is this is act one of the movie

and you're you know what act two is you know what the beginning of act two is I get nailed for something you get for yes exactly and then you have to escape this is the story is old this time. And you're like, I know. And they're like, the Harland law says. And you're like, fuck the Harlan law. I'm Harlan. I know. But what's funny is at the end of, at the end of the, end of the day. I thought you're going to say at the end of the movie, you kill yourself because you're like, that's how much I believe in Harlan's law. At the end of the day, it's all just people. And much like we talked like earlier, people like Bono and Abraham Lincoln and Martin Luther

King and Jesus and whoever. Yeah. They're all just human beings. with stories and we've taken just a man full of bones and muscle and tissue and ideas and we've put that person up if you want to say let's say human beings are skyscrapers yes

we've made bigger skyscrapers out of other people and all the fantasy we put around them all the amazing well it's only in the human world and it's only it's only because we made them like that but we're all just people they become symbols I think about this all the time yeah and I'm

not saying they're not i i like them i like you know great people and symbolic people and but at the same time i also look at you know if we're just one big tribe of humans it's like it's like you know they're just stories you know right all the other species on the planet like gorillas don't think about the gorilla that walked away that saved the girl from the tree you know right the cheetah that saved its cub from from the lion it's like that that that story's gone the minute they turn around. Right. But we hold on to all this stuff, like football heroes and sports heroes. It's all ego. And so it's, it's, but animals have no ego and they're in the, that's a beautiful thing, actually, what you just said. A tiger that saves its cub is not doing it so that later

it will be perceived as a good tiger. Right. You should give it extra food. Yeah, it just goes back to where's the, blowing my mind. I am. Yeah. Oh, well, it goes back to what I'm saying. It's like, you know, we're talking about preserving these people and helping these people and, you know, it's weird because it all just breaks down to if we're a collective group of people and there's a, you know, some of them are bad. It's like, you know, if we didn't have all these stories, you'd probably just cut them out. You'd cast them out. You know what I mean? Like if we were, if we were a tribe of cavemen of seven billion cavemen, we were still primal. Yeah. And there were people that were hurting the tribe. Yeah. They would be cast out.

Right. But we, as a civilized culture, we try to keep them in the fold. And in doing so, sometimes we rehabilitate, but a lot of times they just keep going on and perpetuating pain. And look, again, I'm going to concede that what you're saying appeals to me. It's just interesting because grace and forgiveness are things that make us human. I agree with those. If we take it to a smaller fault, it's not somebody going around raping or killing or hurting children. but it's somebody that like ate more food than they ought to and I'm the alpha of the

tribe and like it's up to me to club this guy right or be like you know I've been hungry too I don't know what blood sugar is but he probably had low blood sugar let's leave him be and then like you know we don't want to get rid of that no I'm I'm again this is extreme cases of you know harming children and raping women what do we do those people now don't we do that now? Not really. I mean, look how, you know, if you went in and looked at the statistics or looked at the crime folders on on rapists and murderers and child perverts, I bet you'd see these are people that have been in and out of the system, a lot of them. Right. That have been in and out of the system, you know, any time. Well, there you go. That's me with Pete Holmes.

And again, you know, I listen to some of that stuff back and I go, do I even know what the hell I'm talking about. I don't have any statistics in front of me to prove it. I guess I'm just going off of stories I've heard on the news and things I've read in the newspaper or online or whatever. See, this is why I don't do a lot of interviews, because it may come across as sounding knowledgeable, maybe intelligent, but then I go, wait a minute, I didn't really look up any statistics on, you know, rapists and murderers, and maybe I'm completely.

wrong so I don't know sometimes when you're in an interview situation and someone throws something at you your brain your brain jumps right on the iceberg that's floating that has information about the topic and so I guess like we started talking about criminals and the criminal element and whatever and my brain just went to okay where's that spot my brain that knows everything I've heard or everything I think I know about that and then I just start spewing it out And hopefully a lot of it's accurate and intelligent and makes sense, but that's kind of why I guess I don't do a lot of these interviews because I just, I don't know.

I don't love getting totally serious about stuff. I like thinking serious. I like talking with my friends serious, but I don't know. I'm mixed about doing it too much and too long, and that's why my podcast, I keep it kind of in the middle. I do like getting serious with you guys, but I always try to balance it out with something that sounds like it came out of the mind

of a demented three-year-old who eats carrots through his nose. Notice I sniffed at the... Got carrots up my nose, man. So anyways, an interesting journey. I hope you liked it. And, you know, like I said, one of the reasons I put it up here, I didn't mention at the top of this show,

but I mentioned it at the top of the first episode. I got a lot of comments online, on social media, at my website. People really seem to enjoy my podcast conversation with Pete Holmes. So I thought I'd share it with you guys. There it is. Two more segments to go. We'll play them down the road. And you can hear them.

I'll pick it right up where we left off. And there you go. So something a little different to throw into the mix there, you know. Let's jump ahead to some announcements here. How about that, ladies and gentlemen? Let's see. What's going on? I want to mention a show I have coming up in June, June 27th.

I'm going to be in Pittsburgh. They have like a Pittsburgh Comedy Festival. It's a Friday night, and it's some big theater. I'm going to get details, but if you want details immediately, you can go to Harlan Williams.com, click on my stand-up window, and you can get all the info you need and ticket information for my one-night show at the Comedy Festival in Pittsburgh on June 27th. It's going to be really cool.

So I hope you can make it out to that. And then check the calendar for fall dates where I'm doing a lot of touring in the fall, so hopefully I'll be coming to your town or city. Check out the store, will you're at harlolwilliams.com. We've got lots of fun merchandise in the store for you to buy. T-shirts, CDs, DVDs, artwork, music, books, you name it. Fresh cupcakes, no. Also, click on my YouTube channel.

It's a free subscription. You just click on it to join, and you will get any of my wacky videos that I post coming to you. What else? You can write to me at harlonewilms.com Or if you want a phone and leave a voicemail Always love getting those You might get yourself on the highway The number is 323-739

43330 3-3-3-739-43-30 Feel free to call in And you're not going to talk to anyone It's just a voicemail box So you can leave whatever you want on there And if I like it, I'd put it on the showy-woey. Oh, I'm out of breath.

And I didn't even talk. That's all. All the talking I did was with Pete, which was a while ago. So it's like this little segment right here is all the talking I've really had to do. But I hope you enjoyed it. Like I said, stay tuned for the next two segments to round out the whole you made it weird thing. Check out Pete Holmes podcast. You made it weird.

Also check out all thingscom.com where you can find my podcast lurking amongst many other. funny people like Jake Johansson and people like that and we're going to have a fun old time okay so that's it for now until next time everybody chicken show me baby