The Harland Highway - 586 - HILLARY CLINTON on the Parsley Papers, rental cars, ice cream guy Demitri Olio

Episode Date: June 23, 2014

Charles Parsley interviews Hillary Clinton on the Parsley Papers, ice cream guy Demitri Olio shows up with his ice cream cart, the trouble with rental cars. Button your glutton!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Oh, boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. What a show we have for you today, ladies and gentlemen. Oh, my God. Summer's here. Everything's fun and nice, and we're going to keep it going right here on the old Harlan Highway. Rwax, right, right, right, right, right. Suddenly it turned into the penguin.

We're going to be talking about a lot of crazy stuff today. We're going to be talking about the difficulty with modern-day rental cars when you rent a car and you're confronted with all this unusual foreign technology that you didn't used to have. And it makes it difficult to figure out a rental car. I believe, I don't know, someone's coming to the studio today with, Rogers said someone's bringing some ice cream to the studio. So we'll wait and see what happens there.

We have an excellent interview today with the first, former first lady Hillary Rodden Clinton with Charles Parsley on a brand new episode of the Parsley Papers and of course we'll be taking a few of your phone calls you the pavement pounders because you guys always phone in and I love hearing your calls and by the way you can call me at 323739 4330 if you want and maybe you'll be on the air

but enough of that let's go let's rock and roll this is the Harland You just made a wrong turn onto the Harland Highway I am out here for you You don't know what it's like to be me out here for you It's like I picked the wrong week, Chris Moore I'm funny how, I mean funny like I'm a clown, I amuse you Like I took the wrong week, quit drinking

I make you laugh, I'm here to fucking amuse you You're riding down the Harland Highway with Harland Williams I'd buy that for a dollar What was it we had for dinner tonight? Well, we had a choice. Steak, fish. Yes, yes, I remember I had lasagna. What do you mean, funny? Funny how? How am I funny? It's like I picked the wrong week to quit am fit of me.

She's got a thought for Samantha thing to say. Welcome to the Harland Highway. I get the wrong week, quick, you get to go. All right, here we go. Look, I know you probably don't want me to get into this topic, but, but, you know, it's inevitable. It's going to happen. You know, I know the presidential race is still a ways off, 2016, but everybody's talking about Hillary Clinton,

is she going to run, and can she win? And so I thought even at the risk of things being a little boring, you know, I would delve into the whole Hillary Clinton running for president thing and, you know, just give you a few thoughts. on what I... Hello? Roger, what's up? Who's here?

Hello? Hello, my name is Dimitri Olio. Dimitri, what are you doing here? It's the middle of the summertime, and I am bringing the ice cream. You can't bring your ice cream card in here. I've got all kinds of yummy, yummy ice cream. I see you've got an ice cream card.

I'm doing a podcast. We've got the Lemon Women. What? The Lemon. women. We've got the yummy lemon wellum. We got the Shuggy wuggy. The Shuggy Wuggy I've got the summertime

favorite. What's summertime favorite? Banana Rama. Shuggy Wugi Bananarama and Raspberry Fart Cloud. What? I've got a brand new flavor. Dimitri Oliot, the ice cream guy. Got

Strawberry Fart Cloud. I thought you said it was a Raspberry Fart Cloud. Well, we've got two. Two for one. You give me money. I give you two delicious, fruity, fruity fart cloud. What about Pananorama? That'll be $2.49.

Why am I even asking? Can you get out of here? I'm doing a podcast. I've got the fudgy wudgy nut cut. The fudgy wudgy nut cut. All kinds of flavors. Dimitri Oliotti ice cream guy. Look, I know it's.

summer, everyone like, can you shut that music off? I've got all kinds of fun flavors. How about coconut crunkle-crunk? Coconut crunkle-crunk. Can you shut the music off? How about some pomegranate in your gamogganet? Roger, get them out. I don't need ice cream. How about some funny-wony honey bunny? Dimitri Olio's got get them out. Get out! Get out of! Turn that music off. Get out! How about some lemon, yellow, coconut, cherry, Shambal, Wamba? Get out!

Roger! Holy God, man! You let a guy in here with an ice cream cart? Dimitri Olio. You know, I was going to do this whole thing about Hillary Clinton and the election. Forget it.

Now I don't even want to do it. I'm all discombobulated. jeez would you not let that guy in here with his ice cream I've never even heard of these flavors you know what throw to a commercial

and then let me get my thoughts together and come back sorry about that folks Dimitri Olio how about some yummy yummy yummy cinnamon clumpy get out holding out on your mother

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The Harland Highway, question of the day. Okay, here it is. are cars getting too technologically advanced? Yeah, that's right. I know. I'm a big guy for technology, but holy smokes. As I told you guys, I was on a trip to Europe recently, and I flew into Paris, and I got a rental car,

and, you know, I got to the car, and there was just so much technology going on that the car itself was very confusing. It had all these features and bells and whistles and gimmicks that, you know, made it difficult for a layperson like myself to cruise around. You know, traditionally cars, when you rented a car, it was like put in the key, turn the ignition, put it in drive and go. That was the extent of cars.

but now there's so much stuff going on in cars now. It's like modern cell phones or computers. There's so many features you don't know how to work them all. And so I rent this car. I get a BMW and I get in it and it's got one of these things where there's no key. You push the thing in and then you put your foot on the brake and you press a start button.

okay and then the stick shift is like it's this weird instead of just going back to drive reverse forward it's this newfangled kind of electric stick shift that you know

forwards is backwards and backwards is like in other words to go in reverse I pulled the stick shift forward and to drive I pulled it. I don't know. I just remember it being very confusing.

And something shouldn't be that. It's like every time I got in that car, I was like, wait, do I push the stick shift forward or pull it backwards to get into drive? Like I kept getting it wrong because it was, and I know you're thinking, well, you either went forward or backwards, dummy. But the way they had it configured and the electronics, it was harder than I'm making it sound. And then the car had this feature where I've never seen it That if you come to a stop, the engine shuts off So imagine me roaming around in Paris, the busy streets of Paris, everything's in French, I'm confused, I got a GPS system talking to me in French Avexois, with this, a vecklesura,

I've got a bit, vit around the, like, say, where I'm sorry. Huh? So I'm driving around and I come to a stoplight and the motor stops. And I'm like, oh, my God, did I stall? And so I kind of slightly turned the wheel and the car starts. And I'm like, wait a minute. Did I just start the car by turning the wheel? And so I'm driving along.

It happens again. The car stops at the red light. And I'm like, the engine shuts off. And I'm like, all right, let me try giving the wheel a little turn. Sure enough, it starts up. I'm like, good Lord. Is this necessary? I mean, doesn't it put more wear and tear on the engine to start it and stop it all the time

versus just letting it idle? But see, all this stuff, this fancy stuff is good. If you're buying a car at a dealership, and the car dealer goes, And by the way, we have this cool feature that when you sit at a light for more than 10 seconds in order to save gas and cut down on emissions, the car actually shuts itself off. Now, to start it again, all you have to do is give the wheel a little nod or take your foot off the brake pedal. Okay, great.

But to an idiot like me renting a car, that's like, oh my God, the car's stalled. I'm in the middle of a strange country. I don't know where I am. The car stopped. Oh, wait, it started. I don't need that stress. And the guys at the counter don't tell you that. And then I got to the key thing, the little, you know, the key chain.

I'm trying to figure out how to lock and unlock the doors. Like there's a button that shows an arrow going up, and I'm thinking, okay, that's probably for unlock. So I press it and nothing happened because the doors were already unlocked. And I'm like, well, where's the lock button? So I go two days without being able to lock my car. And then I notice there's a logo, the BMW logo, in the middle of the keychain.

And I'm like, gee, I wonder if I pressed the logo. Sure enough, blip, beep, beep. Car locks up. This is just a fluke. Like, I'm like, I just, I'll give it a shot. But who, how do you know these things? So there's all these, all these, uh, new. kind of contraptions and things and there's so many new they're reinventing the wheel when

it comes to the car i don't know if a lot of it's necessary but man oh man is it intimidating when you don't know anything about a car when they just throw you in a car and there's all these magical elements that happen um so buyer beware rent or beware if you're if you're renting a car You might want to ask up front, hey, is there any, is there any, like, do I need to take a course at DeVry before I rent this car for three days? Like, do I need to go stop in at MIT and enroll in an electronics program? Is there a dark room, a nice, quiet dark room where I can go and read the IBM manual to this car for seven hours before I dare put the key in the ignition or wave the magic wand? wand to start it or sneeze on it to get it going. I don't know how these new cars work.

So I don't know, man. Just be careful what you're getting out there. And why? Why do we need some of this stuff? Why? The Harlan Highway. Question of the day. Hello?

Hello? Harlan Williams. Dude, these women in this world, they're just, some of them are just so lost in their own world that they don't even, that doesn't even cross their mind that they're, they're not even being like good and real, ah, fuck, please go put this on his retarded message. Hello.

Hey, Harlan. I want to thank you for, hoping you need to get through my day with comedy, help me get through the stress of the drug test and the new job. I want to thank you. And I just want to ask you, how do you handle, the anxiety of your job doing stand-up and hecklers. Thanks.

Bye, Harlem. Have a good week. Well, excellent question. That first one from that other guy wasn't excellent because he asked me not to play it, so I would never do that. But as far as his last caller, you know, dealing with the stress of the job, you know, my job, God, God love it. It's not really what I would classify as work.

It's what I do. It's how I make my living, but it's acting. It's stand-up. It's voice work. It's more fun than anything else. And I guess, well, I guess let me tackle the stand-up one first, okay? The stand-up one, I don't really have a lot of stress because I kind of know what. what I'm doing when I'm up there.

I know what I want to do or I don't know what I want to do, but I guess I've got the confidence on stage that even if I don't know what I'm doing, I have the ability to overcome that or improvised in the moment and just somehow make it work. So the only anxiety I have is maybe sometimes I get a little nervous before I go on stage, but for the most part, my work is fun, so there's not a lot of anxiety with the stand-up.

hecklers go, I actually enjoy them. I like the challenge of a heckler. I like the unexpected nature of heckling. I like having to deal with kind of like verbal grenades throwing at me. Now, that being said, I do not like hecklers that are on a mission to destroy the show. Sometimes you get hecklers that are just like real dorks, and they're like, you know, they don't want to have fun. They just want to see if they can wreck the show.

at that point they're not hurting me they're hurting the people that came you know paid to come and see me so uh but good uh healthy heckling bantering back and forth as long as it doesn't go too far and take over the whole show i love it man it's a riot i actually have a couple of CDs out that i put out over the years called crowd control and uh they're actually live snippets of me just dealing with hecklers. I guess I'm one of the comics out there that actually enjoys it. And so there you go. Now, as far as acting, that can be stressful.

But it's a fun kind of stress. I mean, take, for example, my sitcom last season, which we just finished up, my sitcom package deal, we had to do two episodes in a week. Okay? Each episode is about 50 pages. of script. Okay? And being one of the main characters,

a lot of those pages are dedicated to me. And so you're talking about learning 100 pages in a week and memorizing it and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and learning how to move around on the set and where your spots are and where you're supposed to start and stop

and pick up the cup and put the cup down and go through the door and stand by the couch and open the fridge and blah, da, da, da. so man that can be stressful i got to be honest but but at the end of the day you're kind of making a fun entertaining product so it's it's it's a fun kind of stress so that's how i deal with it man that's how i deal with it um it's all kind of a good type of stress to have now that being said there's probably a lot of jobs where the stress is not good i mean i used to work uh i used to work

at a day job as a civil servant for the government when I was just getting started. And, you know, I'd get stress from whiny secretaries. And, you know, I'd get stressed from a boss who was like, why haven't you moved those boxes? I told you to move those boxes at 9 o'clock. It's 9.15 and they're still here. When you start getting stressed that's based around just kind of mundane, stupid things, That's the stress that ages you quickly, I think.

So there's two kinds of stress. There's regular stress, and then there's fun stress. And I've kind of directed my life towards having mostly fun stress. Okay? So there's your answer. And just to the first guy that called in, I just want to reaffirm him that I will not play his message as he requested. Ah, fuck. Please don't put his on.

Retire message. See, now this guy's stressing. I told you, dude, I'm not going to put it on, okay? Please don't put his on. Retire message. Hey, everybody. Who wants to have better sex? No? Yes. Yes. The answer is yes. You always want to have better sex. That's what... You want it to be better, not worse. Trust me. And Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item plus free shipping. And more than that, Adam and Eve wants to make your life easy. They offered to... Discrete shipping as your privacy is a priority, plus 100% free shipping on your entire order. Doesn't matter how much you spend or what you buy, I will be packaged and sent discreetly for free and fast. Don't wait, Better Sex is just a click away.

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Code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. Hello, my name is DeVarland. Dimitriolio and I'm here with the fresh summertime ice cream. No, no, no, Roger! What are you doing back in here, Dimitriolio? I'm telling you I've got all kinds of fun flavor to help you beat the heat.

Oh God, you will beat the heat. I heard you the first time. Gonna beat the heat. I heard you. I'm going to beat the heat. That's right. I've got funny, fun, fun time flavor of ice cream. Oh, God.

God. How about a nice chewy chillers-willers? What? Chillers-willers. Chillers-willers. That's right. We've got the one with a nut-nut on them, and we've also got a plain vanilla, and we've got the strawberry dip-tip. Strawberry dip-tip, huh?

And how about a nice silly swirl? A what? A silly swirl? Everybody loves a butterscotch silly swirl. I don't want a butterscotch silly swirl. sir, I'm doing a podcast. Everybody loves on a hot summer day a strawberry butterscotch sillies swirl.

I don't want a butterscotch strawberry sally swirl. I'm doing a broadcast here. How about a nutty, crunchy fun time nut bar? I don't want a nut... Can you get out of here? And how about this music? I'm still going

back to the yummy butterscotch burtoscotch swirl fun time. Now, it sounds like you change the name on it this time. I'm not changing the name. No matter how you scoop it, it's still a buttercotch silly swirl. I'm Dimitrioli, the ice cream guy. I know you are. Get out of here. I'm doing a show. How about the chillers-willers? I don't want a chillers-willers. I don't want a crunchy fun-time nut bar. I don't want a butterscotch fun swirl. I don't want to get out. Get out, get out, get out.

Come around. Dimitri Olio got the ice cream. Every... Get out! Good Lord. And how about this? The guy leaves and leaves his cart. What the hell?

Excuse me very much, please. I left my cart. Do you mind if I get my cart? Yes, get your card and get out. And while I'm here, can I entreat you in a strawberry butterscotch silly swirled? Get out! Good Lord.

what, Roger, that does it. After that kind of idiocy, this is the type of thing that drives people away from my podcast. They're like, I can't believe I'm listening to a podcast and there's a guy that comes in the studio trying to sell ice cream. Good Lord. And now I need something to counterbalance that idiotic moment from that dip crap, dipweed. So you know what? I I talked earlier in the show about wanting to discuss Hillary Clinton's, you know, going into the presidential race in 2016 and blah, blah, blah. I thought our listeners would like something intelligent, something interesting. And so now I'm seeing on my computer screen here that we actually have an interview from our roving reporter Charles Parsley from the Harlan Highway. he actually got a very candid sit-down interview with the former First Lady, Hillary Rodham Clinton.

So in efforts to forget that idiot ice cream guy, Dmitri Olio, let's go right now to Charles Parsley, ladies and gentlemen, with former First Lady Hillary Clinton on the incredible news magazine, The Parsley Papers. Good afternoon, ladies. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Charles Parsley, here with former First Lady Hillary Clinton to ask her the hard-hitting questions that you won't hear on any other chat format. Here we go, ladies and gentlemen, these are the Parsley papers. Now, Mrs. Clinton, let me ask you right out of the shoot, if you don't mind, will you be running for president? President of the United States in the 2016 presidential election, Mrs. Clinton. You know, I'm going to decide when it feels right for me to decide.

And if you do run for President, Mrs. Clinton, will you purchase a brand new pantsuit? I'm not positive about that, but that's probably likely. And can you tell us what color the new pantsuit will be? blue, green, pink, orange. I have to make the decision that's right for me and the country. Mrs. Clinton, let's cut right to the chase, shall we? Have you, at any point in time, ever farted in one of your pantsuits? People can do whatever they choose to do on whatever timetable they decide.

I understand that you have your own personal tailor because you like to fart so hard in your pantsuits that they need to. sometime of extra reinforced security lining? Is that true, Mrs. Clinton? Why do you have your own personal fart tailor? To determine where the blast walls need to be or where the reinforcements need to be? Yes, Mrs. Clinton, we understand. And after you do a long, powerful, First Lady fart,

how do you express yourself after letting the wind blow out of your canyon? Thank God for scrunchies. Thank God for scrunchies indeed, Ms. Clinton. Let's shift gears one more time. Please tell us Mrs. Hillary Rodham Clinton, what was it like to be the first lady for full two terms representing the United States of America? I was so tired of getting my hair done every day in all kinds of places around the world, often with people who's language I didn't speak and they didn't speak mine.

And being the first lady under your husband, President Bill Clinton, of course we have to delve into the Monica Lewinsky scandal, and it's been said, Miss Clinton, that you actually had your head pressed to the door during the said illicit transaction between your husband and the intern Monica Lewinsky. You were listening through the door as, As the sexual act of oral sex was taking place, what did you hear your husband say to the intern, Monica Lewinsky? I'm going to let it grow, I'm just going to pull it back.

Oh, difficult words for a married woman to hear. And then take a deep breath. Oh, that must have been horrible to hear through the White House Oval Office walls, Mrs. Clinton. My heart was in my throat because we were watching on the video. screen what was happening. Oh my goodness and how did that make you feel first lady Rodham clinic Clinton? That is that to me is inappropriate where the experience and the expertise lies elsewhere. Are you implying that you have the expertise? Mrs. Clinton? Mrs. Clinton? Mrs. Clinton? I'll take that as a yes, Mrs. former first lady. And last

After all you've been through with your cheating, scandalous husband, will you ever trust him alone with another woman in the Oval Office with his pants down, smoking a cigar, eating pizza, and getting fallacious? It's a constant effort that we're all engaged in. Indeed we are. Thank you for your time today. First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton. A very revealing look into the secret life of the former First Lady, possible presidential candidate, Hillary Rodham Clinton.

I'm Charles Parsley, and these are the Parsley Papers. Okay, okay, that was an intelligent interview, right, Roger? I mean, it was informative. of. It was, you know, the thing I like about parsley, man, he cuts right to the bone. He gets right to the questions that other interviewers don't ask. He's fearless that guy. So I feel like we got away from the idiot ice cream guy, and we got right back into something that kind of, you know,

puts this podcast in the category of other podcasts where it's, you know, it's worthy of people listening to. It's not just like, you know, lunacy and... What? Who's here? Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Hello, my friend, my name is Dimitriolio. I have some delicious new ice cream flavors for you.

Get out! I just finished! How about this one? Captain Tangerine's magical raspberry pirate ship. What? Captain Tanger... I don't want to hear it. Tangerine's magical pirate fairy ship.

I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear it. hear about your new flavor. It's got raspberry swirls, tangerine, and chocolate nuts covered. I don't want to hear. Get them out. Get them out. My name is

Dimitri Odeo. I stand the attention for Captain Tangerine's magical raspberry. Get out! All right, that's it. I'm ending the show, Roger. Nope, we're ending it. I cannot stand by and try to do a

legitimate podcast and have these mental idiots coming in here. Are you kidding me? Captain Crunchies, Tangerine, Raspberry, whatever it is? All right, let's do some announcements and get the hell out of here. Oh, my God. Just remember everybody on June 27th, which is coming up real quick. I'm going to be in Pittsburgh at the Bayam Theater, the Bayam Theater for the DVE Comedy Festival. This is a huge festival that Pittsburgh puts on every year,

and it's an amazing lineup. We have myself, we have Brian Callan, who you've seen in The Hangover movies, Nikki Glazer, Tommy Johnigan, Bill Crawford, And like I said, it's at the beautiful Buyam theaters. Tickets are on sale right now. You can go to my website, harlomwilms.com. Just click on my stand-up schedule, and you will see the link that takes you right to the ticket purchase place.

And like I said, the DVE Comedy Festival. They do this every year is one night only, Friday night. A better way to kick off your summer. June 27th, kick your summer off with laughter, and come to this amazing event. I think the tickets, from what I hear, are going super fast. So we'll see you at the Bayam Theater Friday, June 27th at 8 p.m. Oh, my God. And what is that?

Get him out. Get him out. Get him out. Get him out right now. I stand on attention for Captain Crunch's Chewy, Chewy, raspberry tanganine coconut boat get out i'm telling you roger i'm this close to walking off my own podcast now we'll see at the dv comedy festival also uh check out harlom williams dot com you can check out our web store there

uh you can write me if you have any uh letters you probably will after this fiasco harlo williams dot com or uh if you want to leave a voicemail uh 323 739 4330. That's 323, 739, 43330. And that's pretty much it, man. I hope you had a great time here on the Harland Highway. Enjoy yourself. Have a great summer, everybody. And until next time, chicken chowmaine, baby.

And Captain Tangerine's Raspberry Swizzle Fuzzle, where are you going? Somebody come. I stand on. Guard for Captain Danderuins, Rastair a fun ship. Ah, fuck. Please go for this on. Retired message.