The Harland Highway - 588 - Harland is a guest on PETE HOLMES podcast YOU MADE IT WEIRD - part 4

Episode Date: June 30, 2014

Harland is a guest on PETE HOLMES podcast YOU MADE IT WEIRD, a chance to hear Harland on the other side of the mic - FINAL part 4 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Well, like all hijackings, there has to be an outcome. There has to be an end to hijackings. And I've hijacked Pete Holmes sitcom called You Made It Weird. And it's been a trip. It's been a good experience. What I'm talking about is Pete Holmes had me on his podcast. You Made It Weird. And we talked for two hours.

And I thought, you know what? There's no reason why my listener. my pavement pounders shouldn't have access to this. And instead of just directing you to it, I just pulled it in and put it on my podcast. So it's like, you ever see the space shuttle when it's piggybacking on the back of a jumbo jet? That's kind of like this.

This is like two podcasts piggybacking each other or making love or climbing up Brokeback Mountain or whatever they're doing. They're on top of each other. They're intermingling. all their juices. And so I wanted you guys to hear this. It gives you a chance to hear me on the other side of the microphone being interviewed

instead of being the host. Thought that could be provocative or maybe you hate it. I don't know, but I thought I'd throw it out there and let you guys be the judge. Today we have a really cool conversation about love and marriage and passion and all kinds of things. So here it is me on Pete's home show, but this is the Harland Highway. You just made a wrong turn On to the Harland Highway I am out here for you

You don't know what it's like to be me out here for you It's like I picked the wrong week, Chris Moore I'm funny how, I mean funny like I'm a clown, I amuse you Like I took the wrong week, quit drink I make you laugh, I'm here to fucking amuse you You're riding down the Harland Highway With Harland Williams I'd buy that for a dollar

What was it we had for dinner tonight? Well, we had a choice steak Fish? Yes, yes, I remember I had lasagna. What do you mean funny? Funny how? How am I funny? It's like I picked the wrong week to quit am fit of me.

She's got a thought for Samantha thing to sign. Welcome to the Harland Highway. I picked the wrong week, quick sniff and blue. Now entering nerdist.com. You made it weird with Pete Holmes. What's up, weirdos? I'm thrilled that Harlan Williams came in and made it weird. And I honestly can't think of a more ideal guest,

somebody that was just incredibly willing and ready to just dive right in. And this is somebody that I only know from the stand-up scene. We do shows together, you know, maybe once a month I'll see him. And he came into the studio, and he was just exactly what we want out of the show, just ready to go, open, honest, and very, very funny. So let's not waste any time. All right, Harland Williams, everybody. Harland Williams.

Stephen Hawking, our most intelligent computer person, says that if there are aliens, they'll probably be hostile. Yeah, that, you know, but that's a 50-50 proposition. He goes, they'll probably be hostile, but what's the other side of the equation? Well, they might be friendly. We might get, you know, massages. You know, so they've got those long, almondy fingers, you know. Probably get the best back rub of my life from those.

I mean, each finger is about 12 inches long. God bless them. I'm going to be standing at the crop circle with some olive oil. You know, it's like, here I am, dude. Come on, Bulbo, let's go. I'm taking my clothes off as you land on the flax, you know. let's talk about love a little bit you mentioned it are you married no i'm not uh do you have a loved person not at the moment no have you had loved people yeah of course of course love love is

the best thing in the world yeah let's talk about that's that's the power of humanity that's one of the great driving powers of humanity that i yes i love about being human and life and and that's the good side of us it's weird that it can turn the volume down on everything and crank the volume up in a good way on the bad stuff i met yeah in the bad stuff yeah yeah and then and then you're just only focused on this person or this oh yeah it's great i always feel bad when you ever meet people they say i've never been in love yeah i don't have you ever you've been in love haven't you every girlfriend yeah i mean yeah i can i mean i i mean i i feel so bad when i meet people who say yeah i've never been in love i think i might be in love with this person but i've never been in love

and you can tell they don't... It's the saddest thing I've ever heard when I hear someone say that. You're fucking right. Yeah. It's terrifying. It's terrifying. Like, to be in love is the best feeling on the planet.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It is. Oh, God. I remember one time being in love, and did you see 500 days of summer? I don't think so. We're in different circles when it comes to what I'm watching.

Yeah. Anyway, there's a great scene where Joseph Gordon-Levitt looks in the mirror. They're playing, uh, for fuck sake you make my dreams come true by Holland Oates right? Oh yeah and he looks at he's in love

and he looks in the car window for the reflection and he sees Han Solo Oh wow And it's such a funny thing I gotta see this movie That is And it covers everything It covers love and then it covers like

Heartbreak and Love It's very very I think it's very good But that's I remember feeling exactly that way I remember You know it was informed by the movie But I was walking in the sun and I just felt that scene in that movie and I felt like if I look in this car window

I'm going to see Han Solo because that's how much like that person was making me feel so... You lifted you up, yeah. I felt like Han Solo. You were beaming. Yeah, she made me beam and it was all about that relationship

and it was all, it was pure joy and pure X-Tic. And like, you know, they've all pretty much been that way. With the exception of, I don't say this, callously, I never really think I was like in love. I got married when I was 22 to the first girl that. I slept with. Are you still married?

No, no, no. I got divorced when I was 28. Okay. And I'm not saying this defensively or even, she'll never hear this. I'll be cheap. That one, I don't think I was like, I don't think I was in love because I didn't know any better. You didn't know? Okay.

I didn't know it was. I was infatuated certainly. That's fair. I loved her. Yeah. But then after that, I learned what it was like to get the like I can't eat. I want to stay up all night with this person. I want to talk to this person constantly.

Right. Just upset. And it is the. fucking best and they all ended harland some of them badly yeah and i and it's love and loss it's fucking true i'll take the good i can put the bad in the basement and i'll take all the good and i'll show it at parties yeah no hey you know i say that's that's those are the beats the heartbeats of living you know some people some people don't want to be in love because a lot of times you know the love ends but but it's it's it's kind of like you know at least you've lived in that moment where you

hit that high and sure you're going on that low but it that up and down movement is better than just flatlining oh i see what you're saying it's like the EKG it's the up and down exactly and even though it's bliss and it's the worst you've ever felt in your life when it ends yeah you're feeling and and you and you love it and you hate it but but you're living life as opposed to just tuning it all out and just kind of flatlining. Yes. So. Well, to quote your Bono, he says the only pain is to feel nothing at all.

And then the Lumineers also said that very similarly. They said the opposite of love is indifferent. So it's like if you're feeling something. And look, there are a lot of sad. I have friends who are going through breakups currently and they're very sad. Oh, of course. But like, it is awful. And it is kind of the worst.

It's the worst. It's the worst. But then sometimes you're eating a pancake off your girlfriend's stomach or something. Oh, talk to me about. that i'm not letting that go by talk to me about that daddy flapjack oh you think i'll let that go by uh-uh i just stop i've never actually done that i've never actually done that i want to now that's a great idea i have had sex on a bed yes a bed i was saying yes to katie she lights me at 90 oh are we done can we no it usually goes a little bit if you're okay yeah i'm fine i just

Uh, some of the best intercourse I've had in my life is, uh, is surrounded by desserts. Really? Yeah, like, so you've had sex at Denny's? Is that one thing? Wow. You know what, Harlan? Through the fly. Wow. That a boy.

Not a boy. No, you know, you're in a hotel and it's fun and you eat, yeah, like that's a fun feeling. I like that fortress feeling of like people bringing you food and having sex. Nothing like, like, having intercourse and you look over and, you, you eat, you, you, yeah. And there's a slice of black forest cake. That's what I'm fucking saying. It's like you're feeling good in the groin, and then you look over and there's a cake. And you're like, as soon as I'm done, I'm having some black forest cake.

This is that you're out of body experience, man. There you go. Maybe I don't want an astral project if I keep doing shit like this, my body. No, stay here. Yeah. Things are good here. Yeah. God in heaven.

Well, it's funny how something is simple as sex and love, these basic things. We're talking about your phone. We're talking about Times Square and iPad and merging into the singularity and all that sort of stuff. But at the end of the day, love and sex and sex when you're in love, that's where it's at, as Sam Hook said. Oh, that's beautiful. That's an even higher level. When you can have sex and be in love at the same time, that's the candles burning hottest right there. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, that's amazing. And like I said, I hope everyone listens. has had those moments because there's people that haven't. And to go, your abs are fucking literally right. But he kills me the people I know who are like married, you know, married. And I'm like, I don't think you even like your wife. Yeah, I've seen it.

I've heard people say, yeah, you know, we're not, you know, he loves me. That's enough for me. We're not really in love, but I know he loves me and that's all I need. Right. And you're like, wait a minute. What about passion and sensuality? and electricity and ragic

No, he loves me I'm good with that I just want to be loved Well people are afraid Aren't we I'm including myself And you get in the The more intense

Relationships that I've had The more white hot burning ones Are the ones that hurt so much more When they go sideways And they kind of tend to go sideways I mean I don't think that has to be the case In fact I'm going to say That doesn't have to be the case

But people who We're all playing poker and some people you know there's this great moment on the British office where Tim who is the gym character in the American office so Tim is talking about he could leave the shitty paper company

because he's like right now I rolled a three and if I picked up the die and rolled it again and laughed and took a chance I could roll a six he's also I could also roll a one yeah right and it's like that's how a lot I think that's and look please don't feel judged anybody or if you even think I'm talking about somebody that you

know, you know, like if I'm reminding you of somebody, I'm not judging anybody. I'm just saying this is a choice that we make. We're playing cards and you get dealt a decent hand, especially if it's one of your early hands. Yeah. Like with me with my wife, I was like, this is pretty good. Yeah, yeah. And you get a little stack of chips. Some people cash out right there and go, this is enough. And some people stay at the table. You get these big stacks and you find these hot relationships that are crazy in love, make my dreams come true, Han Solo shit. Yeah. And then those sometimes those people lose and it hurts more, the guy that walks away from the table with the small stack that only maybe like one 50% more than he sat down at the table with, that's he loves

me, he's not in love with me, protect themselves. Yeah. It's bricks around your heart. Yeah. You put a little fortress, a little, what's it called? You know, the castle piece in chess, basically, around your heart. You put a rook around your heart and nothing gets in, but nothing gets out. You can't really get as much damage, but you also don't feel as.

much ecstasy. It's like a prudent move. Yeah. And if anybody looks at my life and goes, he was very prudent, I'll fucking burn their health down. Yeah. You don't want to be prudent. Prudent should be a flavor of Baskin'Row. It's kind of a butter cream.

Yeah. Another scoop of the prudent, please. So we take chances. You have a son? No. I thought you had a son. No. I thought you had a son.

No? You lied to me once then. I did. You definitely went, this is my son. Oh, I say that to anyone I meet. That is so funny. Whenever I'm with someone, I go, this is my son or my daughter. You know what's funny?

Whenever there are small children around, I go, these are my children. Yeah. It's weird that we have the same life bit. Why not? But I fell for it when you did it. And I went, that motherfucker doesn't look anything like him. Well, plus he was my same age. Didn't that ring a bell?

Yeah. It should have. Were you just mean? No, you were mean when you said Rook, and that's how Chinese people say, hook how dare you unbelievable that was just you know it was in the improv and it was dark yeah so never married yeah it was married oh you were married how long were you married two years two years how long were you together before that uh about six weeks is that right no we we we we I proposed after six weeks but uh we see this is a guy that's been in love oh hell yeah yeah six weeks six weeks before I proposed and

And then I think we got married about four months later. Yeah, it was really fast. You dirty dog. Yeah, it was amazing. Who was this person? Where did you meet them? Oh, I'm not looking for names. We're just talking about love.

I met them, actually met them at a comedy club. It was someone in the audience. Yes. Yeah, it wasn't someone that came to see the show. It was a friend of a friend who brought a friend to come and see the show. And then so she saw you headline or you just did a short show? I was just doing a little dingle nut at, you know, just a little... Was it at the Improv?

No, it was at the Laugh Factory, actually, yeah. Oh, that's funny. Yeah. Oh, right, so you're at the Laugh Factory and you meet this girl, and she's gorgeous. Yeah, beautiful. Beautiful, beautiful. And you ask her out there? Yeah, we all went out for drinks, and then I kind of started making contact with her there, you know.

So, yeah, pretty wild, man. And then it flared up really quickly. Oh, yeah. Very, very quickly. What does that look like? You took a trip together? What is the, what is the, what is the, what is the, what is the move? Because something needs to bond people.

You need to spend a lot of time together. We took a road trip through Arizona. There you go. Down the back roads where the giant cactus grow. We just drove through jungles of like 19, 20, 30 foot cactus. This is the beginning of a short story is where the giant cactus grow. Oh, yeah, man. It's awesome.

It's awesome. And you're fucking. Well, you know, I, I, I, I never divulged. much about my love life sure i keep i keep that you know i feel like a lot presumably you're fucking maybe maybe not maybe the cactus for fucking i don't know i don't know i meant it in the good way i wasn't trying to of course i'm not trying to out you i'm just saying that's the that's early passion you're on this road trip and there's a lot of attraction of course and interest and is it like staying up and talking like you just can't wait to see what she thinks about this or

this absolutely it's all that loss of appetite when a part of Uh, not really, because we both liked, like, junk food. So it was like, you know, we, we like to go and eat. It was great. Really? Yeah, yeah. And then you proposed six weeks. Was that a shock to her? Uh, I think she was surprised. Yeah. Yeah. But said yes. Yeah, said yes. And off we went. Didn't last very long. Hey, everybody. Who wants to have better sex? No. Yes. Yes. The answer is yes. You always want to have better sex. That's what you want it to be better, not worse. Trust me. And Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item plus free shipping. And more than that, Adam and Eve wants to make your life easy. They offer discrete shipping as your privacy is a priority. Plus 100% free shipping on your entire order. Doesn't matter how much you spend or what you buy. I will be packaged and sent discreetly for free and fast. Don't wait. Sex is just a click away. That's 50% off, one item, and free shipping. Bring more pleasure and satisfaction into your bedroom. Just go to Adam and Eve.com and select any one item. It could be an adventurous new toy or anything you desire. Just enter the offer code

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Stop. Do you know how fast you were going? I'm going to have to write you a ticket to my new movie, The Naked Gun. Liam Neeson. Buy your tickets now. I get a free Tilly Dog. Chilly Dog, not included.

The Naked God. Tickets on sale now. August 1st. How did you propose? um all right i'll tell you i basically we were driving through the middle of nowhere yes and believe it or not i'm not trying to make a joke there's a little town in the middle of nowhere in arizona called nowhere Arizona really yeah it's it's a literally a gas station and a general store and we just drove through the town and I just pulled over I said let's go climb up that that little mountain there that little you know there's like kind of a half mountain half hill thing and

we got to the top and there was a little yellow flower growing out of the desert ground and I picked it and I gave it to her and she was sitting on a rock I said will you marry me with the flower yeah in nowhere in the middle of nowhere man and that was it she started crying and said yes and it was amazing i don't i don't regret it at all you know it's sad when things don't work out but it was yeah it was a beautiful moment in my life you know yes it was uh don't get robbed of that not you're not i'm talking to people listening and to myself it's like you shouldn't lose nowhere flower proposal no i love it i love it even though the marriage didn't work out i i i favor that moment yes it was a beautiful moment yes yes yes beautiful

So I'm a highlight reel. Yeah, definitely, definitely. That's a real beep of the high part on the heartbeat. Fantastic. Can you tell me a little bit about why it went wrong? You know what? I'd probably rather not because, you know, it's, you know, I find relationships, especially real intimate ones, are very sacred to me.

Sure. Well, thank you for telling the proposal. I'll thank you for what you did share. Yes, I've never told that before, but, you know, I feel like it's a beautiful moment, and I'd rather just, you know, let's leave it positive. Leave it there. Yeah.

And, you know, my relationships with my ex-wife and other girlfriends that I've had, you know, those are, they're like sacred to me. And I feel like when you put that out for the world to hear it, it takes away from a little bit of that magic. So I kind of, I never really talk about that stuff. I had people who know the show know everything about my relationship, No, my wife cheated on me and all this sort of stuff. Oh, I'm sorry.

But you see, I just said it so callously. Yeah. And that's what I wanted to do. It was like flooding the generator. You know what you mean? It was like, I was keeping it so sacred. And it was such a source of hurt for me that I was like, let's open all the windows and really let everybody, everybody come in. That's a good approach, too.

It worked. And I'm not keeping stuff in because of any hurt or any pain. It's more about the magic to make. It's all about the good things. I don't dwell on the things that went bad. It's all about respecting her privacy, my privacy. And those moments that we had were so intimate that I like to keep those. I get it.

Kind of like in my own photo book in my mind. I get that. So I hope you're not offended that I'm not opening up about it a bit more. In fact, I would like to think that there will come a time when there will be. And, you know, there are little photos in the album that I don't share. Good, good, yeah. I'm just not sure what they are. They're there, though.

They're there. You know, probably something to do with a pancake on a belly. Have you ever eaten a pancake off a girl's belly? No, but I'll tell you what, I did do, this is a fun one. I was at a bar one night. I haven't, but I'm going to. Well, I was at a bar one night, and there was a girl who, we started talking, and she goes, I want a tattoo.

And I said, well, I've got a Sharpie, and I pulled a Sharpie out of my jacket. Uh-huh. and i go what do you want she goes i want a snake coming out of my asshole this is what she's doing this is true so cut to about an hour later i guess he was drawn a snake coming out of the hole it was great what in a hotel i'm hoping oh yeah yeah it was pretty wild it was pretty fun it was weird it was weird yeah let's talk about one thing I really wanted to talk to you about was something that I realized recently

that I'm very passionate about and I just know you are from seeing your stand-up is genuity. When you're telling that story, I didn't have to say, is this true? I just wanted to see if it was true. Of course it's true.

When I see you perform, there's a lot of presence. It's been coming up a lot on the show a lot and it's been coming up a lot even more in my life. I've been talking to other comic friends of mine where I'm like, it's sex. It's comedy is sex. And if you're enjoying your,

and if you're present, the crowd can tell. That bond is formed. Right. It's no longer sexual, but it's the performer and the laughing, and you're being informed by them, and they're informing you, and you're informing them, of course, with your words and all this. But there's this nuance, and I see a lot of people perform,

and they're just not, they're like bad lovers. You know what you mean? They're not in the moment. They're not paying attention to their partner, the crowd. Got it. And when I see you, I'm like, this is a guy who I think, for like would never hesitate to pull the handbrage turn the car around flip the car over light the car on fire steal another car the car being the performance to make the show what it's supposed to be oh i feel like you're honoring the set you're honoring the night oh thank you're very present you're very improvisational and you're very aware and every time i see the show i go like oh that's what that's what that's what that 20 minutes of the show was supposed to be you know what i mean because you're you're very improvisational and you're very aware and every time i see the show i go like oh that's what it's what that's what that's what that 20 minutes of the show was supposed to be you know what i mean because you know what i mean because you're you were tuned into it. Yes. Can you talk about that? Can we talk about your process a little bit?

Am I right? Yes. I appreciate you saying that. And my approach has always been, I do what I do, but I'm doing it for me, but I'm doing it for them. And my process is to give them a show. give their they're there and and uh it's uh it's about being locked in it's about it's about i always i always speak to it as kind of like uh an invisible tractor beam it's like i'm physically on stage but my energy my brain my eyes are sending like an invisible yes energy beam over the crowd which is a yeah and that's that's a lot of what i do i like i like to draw them into that beam it's like it's like when all those bodies were floating up and logan's run up to the roof yes and and i i feel like that that invisible energy is a lot of what i i do on stage because i i want

i want to go beyond just being a talking head on stage i want to be i want to penetrate through their skin i want to penetrate through their mind through you know i want to i want to infiltrate their world and and have them infiltrate mine yes And meld. Yes, meld. Yeah. Locked in together. That's it.

Yeah. I think that is, to me, first of all, you don't have that ability when you're starting out. Like I see a lot of younger guys trying to jump ahead to, I was just going to say, the enlightened comedian, because what you're saying sounds a little bit. I'm not going to say you have it figured out. No. I'm just saying that's a little bit closer.

It's a little bit more evolved. Let's just say that. You can't jump ahead. You have to be funny. And then you can start toying. with this idea of bending light and levitating and all that sort of stuff. Yeah, good analogy.

Because then it gives you the confidence. You're like, fuck it, I'm funny. I've been doing comedy a long time. And now I'm going to see what happens if I take my shoes off and like really, I'm just thinking of like a dojo, really respecting the show and knowing that when they are garbage,

when the crowd just is surly and is a bad lover, they're fucking you over. You can deliver some of your act. You can bring them in with some lines, some chops but then once you get to that like zen level you can say fuck the act fuck chops this is just me it's not even me and you this is us yeah this is us together yeah this is our show this is our time yeah at the end of i said i always used to say that's our time and said that's my time like it was back in the days when you only got five minutes like that's

my time i got to go yeah that's our time that was our time yeah yeah that's right and it's very it's no surprise to me to think of you but i think that's a real treasure to think of the tractor sort of thing. It goes back to me reading your faces. It goes back to babies in the airport. When you can see the crowd, the lights are up a little and you're seeing all the faces and they're seeing and reading all your faces. Attention is being paid both ways.

You're making noises that are sounds and they have more value because we're saying ideas allegedly. And they're giving these laughs. And if you could see the graph of a comedian's brain, how many of them were surprised, How many of them were a little bit offended? How many people just thought it was the funniest thing they've ever heard? Who's clapping? Like, all of it is being fed into us,

and then that's informing the performance if we're being present and we're honoring it. If we're looking at them and valuing the crowd, then the show, I think, is improved. Yeah, yeah. Well, it's interesting you brought that up because as much as I am connected to the crowd, I don't know if I can talk about this,

but my new stand-up special just came out about two weeks ago. What's it called? It's called The Force of Nature. And basically, I shot my new special without a crowd. Is that right? I shot it in the middle of the desert on top of the hill in broad daylight with no audience. And it's pretty wild. And in doing that, the premise of that special is...

What? That's wild. Yeah, yeah, it was pretty amazing. The premise is what? Well, the premise being that I felt like that the energy was contained by walls and theaters and the traditional places where stand-ups shoot their specials. And I felt like I want to project this energy across an unobstructed planet. So I found this hill in the middle of the Mojave Desert, and I got these producers to sign off

on it and we had a helicopter flying around and we had six cameras up there and and it's just me up there talking to the whole world and and having no restrictions on that bond we just talked about with with a small audience as like can I can I project out to the whole planet to everybody and and and it was a really you know it's visually crazy looking and and if people want to see it. They can get it at iTunes. It's called a Force of Nature. They can order it from harlewilums.com. Who wouldn't want to see that now?

Everybody wants to see that. It's a real, it was a real experiment, but I really wanted to push myself as a comedian, and I wanted to push the art form of comedy. Did you have to try to not play to the cameraman? Camera. Yeah. I did a little bit, because

at the beginning, I talk about why there's no audience here. And I talk about that it might be harder because there's no one to guide you with the laughter, but I also say, I respect the audience. I think people watching are smart enough that they don't need to be shown where to laugh. And I also added a little bumper that if they got into trouble, I would throw a handful of sunflower seeds in their face. So there was a couple of times where I thought maybe they might not be laughing at home when I threw sunflower seeds into the camera. But outside of that, I was pretty

much projecting out to the world. Well, it's funny, when you're doing a special, Kumel, my friend Kumel and I did our special in this very, very large theater in Austin. And he was like, Peter, it's too big, it's huge, I don't want to do it, it's so big. I was like, but it's so big it'll detach us from the audience enough that it'll play on television. So I actually think you playing to an imaginary crowd or whatever or an imaginary energy might come through the lens a little bit more. hope it does yeah i hope so it's hard to judge because it's my own thing like watching myself but i was i was very happy doing it and had a great time and it's it's probably you know it's just like uh probably

unlike any stand-up specially you've ever seen yes yeah yeah when chris rock was doing that one that cut between there was no one where it just cut to him right just saying in the mirror yeah i remember that yeah yeah well that that that leads me to the next thing which kind of contradicts or made me think of this next thing. It kind of contradicts what I said to you, the melding with the audience. But that's what makes this stuff so zen and kind of endlessly interesting, this craft of ours, which is so similar to music and other types of performance. We get that sometimes from people that listen to the show.

So I hope the parallels continue. But in that instance, when a comedian is really locking in with the audience, the other thing he's doing is honoring and respecting and being present the audience that's in his mind, that his own audience so when you're performing in the middle of nowhere you really have to tap into this your own compass

sort of thing and be like that's what again kind of makes it a little bit sexual in my mind is there's my idea of how the show should go and when the crowd's idea

of the show merges into that shape and then docks into my idea of what the show should be that is also another beautiful kind of union but it comes from my internal compass

and my you know we both have thoughts and you are like me or maybe I'm like you rather in that I we both like using all the parts of the Buffalo there's no mistakes there's a lot of jazz to it it's not a mistake if you do it twice it's a mistake if you reference it it's not a mistake if you follow it yeah fuck your set list something happened don't be stupid follow it yeah you know what I mean it's there at the end of it don't look at a piece of paper that says eyeglass store yeah

Something occurred. Yeah. You know. It's following an energy. It's following a feeling. Yeah. A vibe. And, no, that's a, that's a great way you're putting it.

I'm real full of it today. Yeah. It's good. It's good. Holy smoke. There's some black forest cake, Sally. Let's talk about, we'll do the speed round, but first, the speed round is just how we end the show. It's kind of funny.

But the, I wanted to tell that story. because you're somebody that I respect. Thank you. I don't know why I said it that way because I have something else. I respect you and the first time we did a show together, you get that a little bit of like, oh, I hope Harlan likes me sort of thing. And then we had the next level of our comedic relationship, and this is the longest we've ever talked,

which is often how this show goes. Dare I say is the reason I have this show. Because if I was like, do you want to sit in a room for two hours? It would be very bizarre. But we did that show and you did your closer and you did this whole, you asked for a suggestion. and then you improvised this joke. Yeah.

And then I went on after you and made it sound like you had stolen my joke, which was your improvised joke. And then told it, yes, I'm so happy. Yeah, I don't know. That makes me so happy. That cracked me up. And that meant a lot. Yeah.

As a more experienced comedian, somebody that's, you know, comedy is all about respect. There's a mafia level to it. It's like pay your dues and show some respect. That's a made guy. You know what I mean? So I'm going up. out as Spider and Goodfellas. And I'm like, what if I make fun of Harlan?

Not make fun, but you know, what if I take his joke? I know he's in the room. I'm going to make it look like I'm mad at him and retell the joke the right way. And then it was just one of those beautiful things where it's a little bit of a chance because what if you're a lunatic and you're just like, what are you doing? Don't do that. But you liked it. And it's just that kind of, you know, we're all comedian sort of moment.

It's like, it doesn't matter. We're all in the boat together. And if it's funny, we like it, it was just such a fun, it was such a fun night for me. Thank you. Well, thank you for providing the setup to it. It was such a fun thing to do. That was great because I know it can go the other way. Back when I was starting out, I used to do a little tribute to there was his older comedian

that did the circuit. And he, you know, every now and then I'd do a little tribute to him because I liked doing his voice and he was a funny guy and he would do real corny jokes. Like, you know, he'd talk about Saskatchewan, where it's a province in Ontario where it's all prairie. The whole, it's for thousands of miles. It's just flat. Yes. And he used to do a joker.

You go, Jesus Christ, Saskatchewan. It's the only place in the world you can sit on your front porch and watch your dog run away for three weeks. Right. So I would do it just because I like the guy. And I was doing it for about a month. And then one day he walked up to me and he goes, hey, Jesus Christ, I hear you've been doing my jokes. And I go, yeah, oh, yeah, Gary.

It's like a tribute. And he goes, yeah, well, fucking don't. Like, he just got mad at him. I was like, okay, dude. Like, he didn't get it that I was, I was, like, kind of worshiping him a little. Right. And I felt bad. I felt bad that I did it because he perceived me, like, as if I wanted to steal his joke.

And then I do it in his voice. Right, right. And I also felt bad that he missed that. one of the younger up-and-coming comics who was, you know, at that time considered, you know, hip and edgy. Yes, yes, yes. He was missing that this guy was, like, giving him some credo, you know, and so it was just a disaster. Yeah. I just stopped doing it immediately.

You never know. You got it, Gary. I won't do it again. Yeah. You never know. Yeah. When are you going to run into some sensitive lunatic? Yeah.

They won't understand. Yeah. I can't remember when that's happened to me, but stuff like that's happened. It happens. It happens. But, but, I think he was an old school guy. Yeah. of a cat skills guy and i think the guys nowadays like that you know the guys from the 80s

forward kind of right we get it that we you know goof around with each other right so thank you for doing that cracked me up by the way it's funny because it's not only did you did you take like a a just a bit that that would probably be easier to imitate yeah you took this long drawn-out improv that i did and nailed it like bit by bit by like i don't even know how you remember I remembered it all to begin with, but it was, I mean, I was impressed on top of laughing my ass off. I was, as I was doing it, I was like, I remember it. It was like, and then the mushroom and he's got a cab. I remembered, like, your riffs.

But I didn't know I remembered them until I tried to remember them. Yeah, right there. Well, that was church, man. That was like a little bit of a presence. And it was very, very sad. It calmed me off guard because, you know, no, no one's really ever done that before. And I was like, oh, that's kind of cool. I enjoyed it.

So thank you. Oh, that was a big thrill for me. too. Thank you. Let's do the speed round. Let's do it. I don't know what it is, but I don't do drugs, but let's do it. Oh, well, that's the first question. Will you do the speed with me? Okay. Tie my arm off, dude. Do people think you do drugs a lot?

Yes. Because you are a goof? Well, A, because I talk slow like this. You know, kids in high school used to call me stoner. That was one of my nicknames because I kind of a nasally drawl or whatever. Yeah, I understand. And then, you know, doing movies like half baked and sorority boys and you know dumb and dumber and something about marriage all these

movies you know they're all like you know teen like hilarious comedy movies so they think oh a stoner dude right but you're not you don't do the weed or I've done it a few times in my life you know I've done it like maybe 20 or 30 times but no I've always tried to stay away

from drugs and that stuff it's no surprise it's such a weird I never knew I was like pretty anti drug. It turns out that I am, just because there are some people, Roy Scoville, Matt McCarthy, I don't need to name all these people that do drugs, but like they do, they smoke pod and all this, and they're geniuses and they're great. And I'm just like, I don't know how it works. But a lot of the time I'm kind of like,

if, you know, somebody trails off and doesn't get to be in all those movies that you mentioned, I'm trying to like, were they doing a drug that, like, made them feel like they didn't need to do those movies? You know what I mean? Like, weed was always scary to me because it made me feel like I had accomplished something and I know you love weed Katie. No, not really? I thought you're making your I love weed face. And look, I've had wonderful experiences with it too and you could call me full of shit because I drink

I would drink booze and all that sort of stuff and maybe I am and booze has destroyed other careers as well and lives and drunk driving and marriages. So I am full of shit. But in my experience in my experience, I've seen a lot of people that I'm like that's one of the funniest people I've ever known and he smokes weed all day

cut to two years later he's gone he's just not around now that he didn't die he just kind of like well that's my my approach was look our instruments that we make our career with are our brains

yes and I always looked at my brain like an Alka-Seltzer tablet and and you know you drop it in water and it slowly starts to dissolve and little pieces drop off and then eventually it just dissipates

and I always thought the reason I've only done, you know, smoked weed a few times in my life is because it's fun. I love it. I laugh my head off, but I don't do drugs because I don't want to damage my instrument. And I'm not saying I am. I don't know the answer whether it would help me or hurt me, but my own personal conclusion is this thing in my skull is my livelihood. It's precious. Also remembering lines and stuff like that stuff.

It's so I protect it I try to protect it and I enjoy a beer now and then I don't drink hard liquor I never have I've never experimented with any other drugs but you know weed probably 20 30 times of my whole life

and it's been fun look I to be honest if I wasn't protecting my brain I would probably love to do it all the time because I have a laugh but I'm not going to sacrifice my head for that

I can laugh at other things. Right. So, and you're right. I've seen, I've seen the destructive side of drugs. And, you know, we've all had friends like Mitch Hedberg and people like that that I used to work with. Yeah. And it really breaks my heart that that people like that aren't with us anymore. And, you know, there's a price to pay for that activity.

Yeah. So, you know, whatever. I don't know the answer, but I know what works for me. Yeah. Well, you know, as silly as it sounds, I kind of. like getting that message out there we we get sometimes nice emails and they're like my son was like a real fuck up and like he's listened to your show and he hears how comedians have a reverence oh good for their creativity i know it's a little i'm being a little self-serving right now but like no it's that's

good i i'm all about if if if if if something we say uh you know sends a positive or reinforcing message along great yeah i i i would encourage i'll just say it i would encourage kids not to do that stuff. It's hypocritical because I did a drug movie called Half Baked, but again, I'm an actor. You know, I did something about Mary and I played a serial killer. Right. I've never buried a body. Right, right, right.

But, you know, I would encourage kids to, you know, use their own brains, oh, natural, as they say. Yeah. Put a pancake on it, you know. Put a pancake on your head and live, baby. This is the greatest day of my life. What kind of soap do you use? There's no right answer. I like to grind up a walrus tusk and compress it together and lather me up a blubber froth.

That's what I like to do. Blubber froth. Okay. You could have just said blubber froth. We all know what blubber froth is. Can you remember one of the hardest times you've ever laughed? Oh, this is the speed round. Oh, you didn't tell me.

Okay. Uh, the soap, uh, would be, uh, I think it's dove or ivory or something like that. Sure. Sure. Good, good scent to it. Um, hardest you've ever laughed. It doesn't have to be the number one, but one of them, this is one of my favorite. Uh, it was probably, I almost died.

I accused, and it's funny you, we talked about smoking drugs, because this was one of the times I smoked pot. One of mine is that. That's why I love it. That's what, but I, again, I won't do it. it yeah i was in uh college i probably smoked potting college maybe three times yeah over the course of three years and this one time i i got a joint a guy owed me some money goes look man i can't pay you so i'm gonna give you uh you want a joint and i was like okay i guess so me and my buddy went back to my condo we smoked it and it started to kick in and my buddy was holding the newspaper and i said dude i want you to read

me the newspaper and he goes, okay, but I want you to read it. And there was a cartoon in the 60s called The Wizard of Oz. It was a little cheap, like a real cheap cartoon. And instead of munchkins, they had these little shapes that were shaped like tear drops. And they had little legs, and those were the munchkins. And they didn't speak any words. They just talked like this. They're like, you know, but it was like high pitch.

They like, you know, modulated the voice. So it was like really like, and I said, dude, I want you to read me the newspaper as the munchkins from the Wizard of Oz cartoon. So my buddy opened the paper and just as casually, you could see his head moving back and forth following lines. He was just like, dude, I couldn't breathe. My stomach hurt. It felt like an elephant was crushing my ribs. I stood up and with the little breath I had, I said, you are trying to murder me. I had to run upstairs.

I ran upstairs for about five minutes so I could stop. I ran right back down. I'd stop. I laid on the couch. I said, okay, read it again. And we went through this process. One of the best, hardest laughs I've had in my life is wild. You know, if you go on YouTube, you can actually see this cartoon.

It's called The Wizard of Oz cartoon, and it's really cheesy and old-look. but you'll see the munchkins and they're their little like tear drop shaped ridiculous so there you go and now it's making you have the hardest laugh of your life well it's up there I think that's it that's it

I think that's it do you feel satisfied is that is this a question for the speed round? Yeah I'm just wondering if you feel good about the show I do I do feel good about it I feel a little, like, it feels a little weird because I touched on things I don't normally don't talk to people about. Yeah. Well, it's kind of fun.

Good. But it's also, it's revealing, and it's, you know, it's cool. It's fun. It's good dialogue, good conversation. I'm happy to hear that. Yeah. I'm thrilled to hear that. I enjoyed that.

Well, we end the show for no real reason with the guests, not me, but the guests saying keep it crispy. It's the catchphrase of the show. Oh, yeah. Okay. So if you would, thank you so much for doing it if you take us out with a Keep It Crispy. Oh, you keep a crispy funny guy. All right. I don't want you to feel like you've been betrayed.

Now leaving. Nerdist.com. I don't want you to feel betrayed by the Keep It Crispy thing. You know how I end my shows. Okay. There'll be no ending my podcast with Keep It Crispy. We ended, you made it weird with Keep It Crispy. And by the way, thanks again for those guys for having me on.

I had a great time. I hope you guys liked it, you know, something a little different. um but uh as we segue out as that's the final episode of you made it weird um let's close it up let's uh let's uh let's get to some announcements here um let's see what is going on in the world not much you know the summer's pretty quiet so i'm i'm you know i don't have any gigs i try to take the summers off I try to sit back and smell the roses and go fishing and, you know, you work, you work, you work, why? You're like, well, I want to work so I can make some money and go do things and go on vacation and relax. Well, a lot of people forget to do that. So I try to take summers off July and August, sometimes June, and that's the time for me to go fishing and recharge my batteries and yada, yada.

So not a lot of announcements. Just, I guess the only announcement is, and it's an order, really. Take some time off and enjoy life. Okay, take some time off this summer, shut everything down, and enjoy yourself. Life's too short. Thank you. But you can go to harlornwilliams.com and check out our store. If you want to buy some fun merchandise, you can join my YouTube channel there for free.

just click subscribe and you'll get all my wacky videos. You can write me at harlough williams.com while you're there. Or if you want a phone and leave me a wacky or serious or whatever type of phone message, 323739-4330. That's 323739-4330. I always love hearing your feedback, your comments, your insult, your praise, whatever. And, you know, you might just get your call put up on the show here. So feel free to call in.

Check out all thingscomedy.com, where you can also find this podcast and tell your friends to get on the Harland Highway. Why, you got to hog it all to yourselves, player? That ain't right player. Anyways, we kept it crispy, and we kept it weird, but now we're going to end the Harlan Highway the way we always do. my catchphrase um you know it ready three two one chicken chalemain baby keep it crispy no no chicken chalmaine baby

yeah but can't it be crispy chicken chalman no keep it crispy no it's chicken chalmaine baby chicken chal man baby i got to go thanks bye