The Harland Highway - 591 - Win 1 MILLION DOLLARS on this podcast, and a visit to Mr. Featherstone

Episode Date: July 10, 2014

Harland visits his boss Mr. Featherstone who wants to run a contest to give away 1 million dollars. The question of the day about your teeth. Harland does a good turtle deed. Slap happy nappy pappy!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What a show, what a show, what a wonderful, wonderful show. I guess I shouldn't do that because we haven't heard the show yet. It might not be wonderful, so I take that back. Just, what a show. No, not even that. Who knows, whatever. Welcome to the Harland Highway podcast. So glad you're here, ladies and gentlemen.

Take off your slippers, let down your hair, and trim those god-awful toenails. I'm welcome. Thanks for being here. This is the Harlan Highway podcast today. Oh, my God. Unfortunately, I have to go up to my boss's office, Mr. Featherstone, and he wants to talk to me. I've heard rumors about doing some kind of contest

or some kind of giveaway for the podcast. I don't know. Then we're also going to be doing the question of the day here, the Harland Highway question of the day. This one's an interesting one, and it's got to do with your mouth, okay? We all have a mouth. I'm using mine right now. Way to you hear the question of the day.

Also, I did a good deed, and it reverberated. I did a good deed. I posted it up on Facebook, and I got some really good feedback, some funny stuff. So let's rock and roll. Let's have some laughs. Let's do some more funny stuff Right here on the Harland Highway You just made a wrong turn

On to the Harland Highway I am out here for you You don't know what it's like to be me out here for you It's like I picked the wrong week to quit smoke I'm funny how I mean funny like I'm a clown and amuse you Like I took the wrong week to quit drink I make you laugh I'm here to fucking amuse you You're riding down the Harland Highway with Harlan Williams

I buy that for a dollar What was it we had for dinner tonight? Well, we had a choice. Steak, fish. Yes, yes, I remember. I had lasagna. What do you mean, funny? Funny how? How am I funny?

It's like I picked the wrong week to quit unfit of me. She's got a thoughtful amount of things to say. Welcome to the Harland Highway. Get the wrong week, quick, get the fruit. All right, all right. Let's get this podcast started, ladies and gentlemen. Hold on. Roger, we were just getting started of Rogers waving his arms frantically in the

the studio there. What is it? Who? No, you're... Mr. Featherstone wants to see me... What, now? Come on.

We just started the podcast. Yeah, I know he's the boss. Right now. Okay. You know what, put the remote on me, because if I got to go, I'm taking the... I'm not stopping the podcast. I'm taking the listeners with me.

taking the pavement pounders up to my boss's office. This is ridiculous. So I was just about to start the show, ladies and gentlemen. Roger informs me my boss wants to see me upstairs on the 12th floor in his office, Mr. Featherstone. I never enjoy this, but I want you to be part of this thing. You know, Roger, throw to a commercial and I'll make my way up there and then cut the feet in live. Oh, God. We'll be right back.

Jeez. What's wrong with that guy? Because no woman has time for a yeast infection, there's monostat. I don't know how to get around a yeast infection, but I do know how to get over it. Quick. Monostat 7. Nothing you can buy without a prescription cures faster. Maybe that's why more doctors recommend it.

Now I can sail on to something more important. Someone figured out there are things I'd rather be thinking about. Monastat. because no woman I know has time for yeast infection. Well, here I am. I'm up in the waiting room. I'm outside lobby at my boss's office, Mr. Featherstone, upstairs on the 12th floor. There's Betty, his secretary.

Hi, Betty. How are you? Well, she never really seems to acknowledge me. Betty, hi. Okay, nothing. Oh, it looks like she's sending me in. The door's opening. I'm on my way in to see Mr. Featherstone.

I don't know what he wants. Here we go. Uh, hello, Mr. Featherstone, sir. Hello. Sir, how are you? I'm good. Who wants to know? Well, it's me, sir.

Yeah, who are you? What are you an owl? Who, who? Who are you? Well, sir, it's Harland Williams. How? How, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how a, how, how a, how a, how a, how a, how a, how a, whir. Harland Williams.

Halloween. Not Halloween. Harland Williams, sir. Oh, you. Are you the guy with the, uh, the plod blast? The podcast, sir. Yeah, that's right. The plodast.

Come on, sit down. I got a bone to pick with you. Well, I, I don't know why you'd have a bone. bone to pick with me, sir. I bet you picked a lot of bones. What does that mean? You know, down at those funny little bars you hang out at on Saturday night? What funny little bars?

Oh, don't put, you know, like the slippery swordfish? The slippery swordfish, sir? Uh-huh. What? Uh-huh. What are you talking about? Listen, your prod-tast. It's a podcast, sir.

whatever you call it, is gone to hell on a Chinese Whipplebourne. I don't know what that means, sir. You ever heard the word ratings? Holland? It's Harlan, sir. Have you ever heard the words ratings? That's not words, that's just one word. Yeah, well, that's about how many listeners you have on your prod-prast.

What are you talking about, Mr. Featherstone? Let me sit down. Sit down in that chair right there. Okay, I'm sure you're used to sitting down. Well, I don't know what that means. Sitting down on guys' laps at your funny little bars. What funny little bars are you referring to, sir? Oh, how about the clam-dip cracker barrel? Okay, sir, you know, I got a lot.

a laugh, but yeah, you laugh. You'll laugh, all right, when somebody's tickling your winkle-dink. Okay, sir, what's going on here? Before I get to that, let me ask you something. Yes, sir. Have you ever farted in a bowl of French

onion soup? What? Have you ever farted in a hot steaming bowl of French onion soup? No, I haven't farted in a... What are we talking about? I'm talking about your ratings. You know many listeners?

listeners you have on your prod-crast? I don't know, the 10,000, 20,000? Guess again, El Lupo. El Lupo? That's what I said. I don't know, 30,000. How do you take an elevator and go all the way down to the ground floor, uh, terriaki Timmy?

Sir, what are you getting at? I'll tell you how many listeners you got. You know, how many you got? What? You got nine. well that's not right oh yeah prove me wrong uh sister twister well i don't have the numbers in front of me sir exactly okay we've been doing research here and either you get more listeners than nine i don't think it's nine sir uh yeah let me let me do a little math here uh cry boy well cry boy let's do a little bit let's do a little math here uh cry boy let's do a little

little math. How many funny little bars do you think you've visited in the last two months? Sir, I don't visit funny little bars. Well, I'll take a guess you visited eight. And that's one less than the amount of listeners you got, okay? Ferris Bueller's Day Off. What, that's a movie. Why would you call me that, sir? Why wouldn't I call you that? And by the way, that's also the name of one of those funny little bars. What funny little bars? Ferris Bueller's Day Off. That's the one down there on 9th and 24th Street.

Don't pretend you ever been there. I don't go to funny little bars and meet your guy friends. And meet my guy friends. Aha! You just said guy friends. I was repeating you, sir. You just proved my point you got guy friends. What are you saying?

Uh-huh. What are you saying, sir? Ah! Look, I don't have nine listeners on my podcast, okay? You prove me wrong, cinder fella. Sir, what... What is this all about? What it's about is you gotta start getting more numbers.

Okay, you gotta start attracting more listeners to your prod press, or it's over, gravy trainer. Gravy trainer Speaking of that Let me ask you this Have you ever farted Sir enough with the farting thing I'll tell you when it's enough

You sit there I'm your boss You're my pussy whip I'm not your pussy whip sir What are you Your pussy whip That's right Now

Have you ever farted On the side of a crippled guy's head What? You know Those crippled guys in the wheelchairs. Sir, that's not appropriate, okay? Handicapped people are crippled guys. Sir, I don't like where this is going.

It's insensitive. I'll tell you what's insensitive, that you've never walked up to a guy trapped in a wheelchair and farted on the side of his temple. Oh, boy, sir. You know, this is just ripe. I bet it's ripe. Now, if you ever farted on the side of a cripple's,

head. Sir, are you laughing again? Sir, I'm completely mystified. Yeah, it's also the name of one of those funny little bars. What? Completely mystified.

Oh, come on. Now, here's what we're going to do to get you some more numbers, okay? Oh, boy, I can't wait to hear this. What did you say? I said, oh boy. I bet you wish. Oh, boy. Sir, would you cut it?

with the homophobic references. Ah, sir? Ah! Okay, you're making fun of crippled people? You're offending gay people? I don't have to sit here and take it. Oh, really? You're going to sit there, because I'm your boss, Mr. Featherstone,

or the party's over. Okay, your gay cruise ship just crashed into a gay coral reef. You got it? Yes, sir. What is this big plan you have to attract more listeners? You're going to start doing a call-in line and start giving away prizes. What? You heard me, Francis Ford Coppola.

What? You're going to start offering prizes, and people are going to call in by the thousands. What kind of prizes? A million dollars. Okay, you got to be dreaming. Oh, really? Well, if I'm dreaming. screaming that you're my dirty sheet.

What does that mean? Uh-huh. What? Uh-huh. Sir, this is really out. Hey, let me ask you this. You ever fought on a conveyor belt? What are you talking about, sir?

You know at the grocery store you put your groceries down? Yes, of course. And that little conveyor belt starts moving the groceries along? Sure. Well, how about this? You ever put your groceries down? Okay. And then you pull down your pants and fart on the conveyor belt.

When the lady moves the conveyor belt, she's essentially moving the fart right into her own face. Okay, sir, are we done here? And we're... Hold it. Forget about farting on a conveyor belt, so you have done it. No! Sir, where are we going to get a million dollars to give away to people calling in? And by the way, I am not a radio show.

I'm a podcast. What you are is absent of a lot of listeners. And we ain't never going to get snow million dollars. What? We ain't never going to get snow million dollars. Are you trying to say we're never going to get a million dollars? That's what I said, scab lips. Sir?

Which, by the way, is the name of one of those funny bars you go to on Saturday night. Scablips? See, you do know it. Oh, my God. So what you're saying is we're going to lie to my listeners. Tell them we've got a million dollars to give away. That's right. But we have no intention of giving it away.

That's right. And I've got to do what now? You're going to have people. You're going to play a song or a clip from a movie or whatever. Some people love trivia. Okay. And if people call it and guess it, you're going to give away a million dollars. Oh, what happened to a millie dollies?

A millie dollies. Well, I had to ask. So, are we clear here, Dr. Pepper? Sir, I just think we're looking for a lot of trouble here. Speaking of that, you ever fought on a tita-todder? No, no, no. I don't fart on things, Mr. Featherstone. Well, you should try it.

You teet it out of here's how it works. You fart when you're down, but then you go up and it's clear, but then you go right back down into your own fart cloud. It's crazy. Okay, sir, I've really got to be going. I bet you do. Probably off to the happy hour at one of these funny bars. Sir, what funny bars?

I don't know. How about the Turkish level lamp? The Turkish Lever. a lamp see you do know it sir I am not gonna do this I'll tell you what you see that pilot change at the end of my desk yes sir how much is there I have no idea well if you don't do what you told you better start counting that change because that's your bus fare and you're never coming back yes sir say it nice yes sir mr Featherstone That's what I like.

Hang on, my phone's ringing. Get the hell out of here. I'm busy. Sir, I don't know that we're finished talking. I'm finished talking. You've got your mandate. My mandate? Yeah, when I say mandate,

I mean probably the guy you're taking down to the turquoise olive gone tonight. Oh, sir. Save your moaning and groaning for your bedroom pleasures with your guy friends. Sir, I'm not... Get out of here. I got a phone call. Goodbye, Mr. Featherstone. Get out of here.

Oh, God. Unbelievable. Betty, thank you. Betty, can you, someday, are you going to acknowledge me? Oh, great. Thanks for the middle finger. I'm going back downstairs.

Roger, if you can hear me, throw to another commercial, I get in the elevator. I feel violated. God. Wow, what's that aftershave you're wearing? You high karate after shave is so powerful. It drives women right out of their minds.

That's why we have to put instructions on self-defense in every package. High karate, the brisk splash on after-shave that smooths and soothes and cools. High karate, after shave, cologne, and gift sets. Hi, karate. Be careful how you use it. Well, Roger, that was a bloodletting. Oh, don't give me that look. You knew it was going to be trouble the minute I went up there. Yeah, now the guy wants to do...

Oh, you already knew. You knew he wants to do this giveaway thing. And you didn't tell me, thanks, Raj. Wow, why am I the last to know everything here? You've got it queued up? Okay, fine. How does it work? You play a proportion of a song, and they have to call in and guess it.

And they win a million dollars, if they guess it right? This is a disaster waiting to happen. Okay, I have no idea what the song is. I probably will. But go ahead, Roger. Play a clip from the song. Okay. That's enough. Shut it off. Shut it off, Roger. So what do we do now? We wait for people to call in?

So you're, okay, the phone board's lighting up. They call in. They guess the song. They win a million dollars. Hey, everybody. Who wants to have better sex? No? Yes. Yes. The answer is yes. You always want to have better sex. That's what, you want it to be better, not worse. Trust me. And Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item. plus free shipping. And more than that, Adam and Eve wants to make your life easy. They offer discrete shipping as your privacy is a priority. Plus, 100% free shipping on your entire order. Doesn't matter how much you spend or what you buy,

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This is an exclusive offer specific to this podcast. So be sure to use this code Harland so you get your discount and 100% free shipping. Code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. Do they need to know who the artist is at least? Okay, so they got to know the artist,

and they got to know the name of the song. This seems too easy to me. My listeners are much too smart for this BS. They're going to get it, like, immediately. What? There's someone on line three. Hello? Hello.

Hi. Hi, hello. Hi, am I on the contest? Yes, this is... What do we call in this thing, Roger? My name's not Roger. No, I'm talking to my producer. I'm not a producer, either.

My name's Carol. Okay, Carol. Roger? It's not Roger. It's a Carol. Okay. Okay, I think the way this works is... I guessed the song, and I win a million dollars.

Um, okay, where are you calling from, Carol? From my trailer? From your trailer? I listen a trailer out in the woods. What is that sound? I'm flossing my tooth. Your tooth? Okay, do you want to guess the song?

Yes, please. Okay, go ahead. If you guessed the song, you want a million. million dollars. Stop it! Stop it. Well, I'm very excited. That's a lot of money.

Okay, you don't scream. We're on the air. But what's your new hair? We're on the air, Carol. Oh, okay. Okay, are you ready to guess the song? Yes, I am. Okay, go for it.

Okay. Um, I think I know who it is. Okay. Do you want to name the artist first? Okay. Um, Bruce Bigsteen. Okay. Is my right?

Ah, I don't want a million dollars. Oh, I don't want a million dollars. Stop it. You haven't won a million dollars. You have to guess the artist and the name of the song. Okay, okay, okay. Oh, God, this is so exciting. I've never been on the road.

Calm the fuck down, lady! Oh, okay. Okay, it's Chris Springsteen, and the name of the song. Yes. The name of the song is... Michael, roll, roll, row, roll, you're boated short? Are you serious? Um, did I say row too many times?

I met Michael row, row your boat ashore. Did I win a billion jolly? Oh my God, I can feel it. Did I? Did I win your jolly? No, you didn't win anything. Jesus Christ! What was that, Roger?

Holy, Bruce Springsteen, Ro, Ro, Ro, Ro, your boat? That had to be a gag. Is she gone? I think she hung up. Oh, my God.

Can we just get back to the show? This, this, what the hell's going on here? Let's get back to the show and let's do the question of the day. Go, go. The Harland Highway, question of the day. Okay, the question of the day is,

why are our teeth in charge of our mouths? And here's, let me frame this up better. Why do our teeth control when we swallow? I don't know if you've ever taken the time to notice it because it's pretty much involuntary. It's instinctual. When you're chewing your food, you just shovel it in your mouth and you chew it and it goes down your throat, right? But you don't really think about how often you chew your food, how many times you chew a bite of food. it's just all, it's all generated by the teeth.

You shovel it in, they go, maybe four times. And without even thinking about it, you swallow. You don't know how shredded the food is. You don't know how mashed the food is. You don't know how crunched up the food is. And so why are our teeth so in control of our eating? And if you don't believe me, if you're eating something right now,

or you're going to eat later, obviously. I want you to do this, okay? It's a little experiment. Try and control when you swallow. Okay, from the time you take the first bite of that hamburger or that piece of pie or that sandwich, whatever you put in your mouth, the banana, just pay attention to how many times your teeth chew

and then swallow. and you realize you don't really have any control over it because here's the next step of the experiment. I want you to try not to swallow and keep the food in your mouth a little longer and chew it even more. And it's very difficult to do because your teeth are in charge

and your teeth are going, okay, that's enough, down it goes. But when you try to take control, when you try to chomp your food a few extra times, maybe three, four, five, six more times. It's weird. Try it. I'm not kidding.

It throws your mouth off. It throws your throat off. Everything kind of, it's like suddenly someone put a stick in the spokes of a wheel that was turning just fine. And you realize at that point that, wow, maybe my food is kind of bulky when I chew it. Or maybe I got part of the food. food and I mulched it down, but maybe there's a piece I missed that's still kind of big

and it could get caught in my throat or something. But it's really weird when you actually mentally think about chewing and decide that you're going to decide how many times you chew, I'll tell you what, your mouth and teeth don't want to play along. They're like, it's kind of like a little bit of a tug of war. Your throat's like Trying to pull the food down And your teeth are trying to like

Move it away It's like okay you add your six chews You had your three chews move Go go go go send in the next batch It's like a mechanized like assembly line Chom chomp chomp chomp Swallow chomp Chomp chomp

But you you take control Because it's your mouth, it's your body You control it your teeth don't control you you control your teeth and uh you uh you uh you try to uh you know take those extra bites and it's weird and maybe you're your i submit maybe your teeth are are trying to push the food down too fast i don't know

but i want you to try that experiment try to control take extra choose and keep the food in your mouth a little longer and watch how your system kind of gets all kind of discombobulated by that. It doesn't like giving up the power, man. Them teeth is in charge, man. Oh, yeah. Oh, hell, no. So check it out, and that's my question of the day. Why are your teeth in charge of your mouth?

The Harlan Highway, question of the day. Okay. Do you like turtles? I know random question, but do you like turtles? Because if you do, you're going to like this next little story. I did a good deed of the day. I was driving around. I was on vacation. I was kind of in the backwoods. And I'm on this highway. I'm on this road. And all of a sudden, I see this like little tortoise or turtle or something like crawling up onto the edge of their shoulder of the road. And I'm like, oh boy. And I thought, I bet that guy doesn't make it. So I keep going and I must have drove another like 200 feet. I was like, uh-uh, I can't let this happen. So I spun the vehicle around. I drove back.

I pulled over. I grabbed the little guy. Before I grabbed him, I took a picture with my iPhone. You know, this little guy tucked into his little shell. And he was sitting there, you know, all nervous, that I was there to do something bad. Little did he know I was there to try and save his little turtly life. Turtly life. So I took a picture, and I posted it up on my Facebook page, the Harland Highway Facebook page,

which you can go to. You can join the Harland Highway Facebook page. Just go to Facebook official Harland Williams Harland Highway Facebook page. You'll see a picture of me with my big fat face and it says the Harland Highway. That's the fan page. So anyways, if you want to see a picture of this little guy,

he's up on the fam page, the Harland Highway Facebook page, and I wrote, My Good Deed for the Day, stopped and prevented this guy from walking into traffic. live long and prosper little buddy so i put that up just because i you know i thought it'd be a cool picture for people to see a little turtle he's kind of cute and what i didn't expect is i got a whole bunch of uh comments from people i guess there's a lot of turtle lovers out there so i want to i want to read some of them because they actually made me laugh i was i was quite amused by it so uh here's one page web said aw aw happy box turt

Earl Knox says He's so hardcore. Look at his little battle scars. He's a fearsome road warrior. Claudia Hahn says to me, she says, Turtle Whisperer. Sh! Melinda Butcher says, thank you. Randy Hewitt said, good deed, Rocket Man.

Maya Angus says, my hero. David Roberts said, Be honest, Harlan, you didn't want any part of that. You played my cheesmo chicken, and he won. Summer Ham said, thank you for stopping that suicidal turtle. Brian Walter says, very good nature, boy. Paul Weston said, I did that last week, too.

It's contagious. Corey Goldsack says, You're a good man, Harland. It's the Canadian in you. Zaldi Zuno said, good karma. Coming your way, man. Miquelais Anderson said he's totally going to try to cross that street again. That pretty much cracked me up.

Amber Smiley sent me a little heart. Susie Album says, It's like in Nemo, dude, except you saved the turtle dude, like way cool dude, L.O. Well, Robert Burns says, I rescued a snapping turtle once, and he was trying to cross the freeway. As I grabbed him, his head protruded, and he almost took my finger off. I put him in a swamp near the freeway. That sounds very mafia.

Tony Street sent a picture from an old Hannah Barbaric cartoon, Tushay Turtle, and Dum Dum. Tushay Turtle is a swashbuckling turtle, and Dum Dum is a real stupid-looking dog. Gee, I wonder what he's trying to tell me there. Antanan, nothing says he looks pissed. Maybe he had a date on the other side waiting. I like that. So in other words, I ruined the date. I stopped the date.

Messiah Thorpe says, good for you, Harlan. Bless you. Shane Anderson said, just don't feed any more police horses junk food. There's a half-baked reference. Valerie Hunt says, you, sir, are officially part of what my husband and I like to call the Turtle Patrol.

Thanks for stopping to help them. And then last one here, because I thought these were super funny, Heather Lynn said, did you put it on the other side of the road in the direction it was going? Apparently, if you turn them around and put them back where they came from, they'll just go back to the road

and try to go to their destination again. Yikes! You got me there. I admit I totally put them back in the same direction. Oh, my gosh. So there you go. Thanks for your comments.

And if you want to see the picture, go to my Facebook page, Harlow Williams' official Facebook page. And if you want to leave a comment, have at her. I know I did my good news. Oh, God. Are we still doing this competition thing? It clearly didn't work. All right. Play the stupid song again. Let's do it and get out of here.

I just want to do this and let's end the show. Yes, play the song, Roger. Ella, Ella, Ella, I mean, could this be any easier? I mean, this really is, okay, put them on, put them on. If they called in, Farron Square, hello? Hello? Yes, hello, you're on the, what are we calling? Missing, Rodge, the Harland Highway million-dollar giveaway. Oh, no, why, dude?

Like a million dollars, man? Yes, a million dollars. Oh, man, give me a moment to get my fucking head around that, man. Okay, so you can't use profanity on the show, okay? Do you want to guess the song? Hold on, dude. I'm still getting my head around like a million fucking dollars. dude

that's like that's like that's like that's like a million pennies dude like if I had a million pennies like I'd have a like

a million dollars okay whoa whoa whoa Roger are these seriously the people that are listening to our show

okay I think I'm ready I think I'm ready I think I'm ready oh man could you just play just a little segment again dude

Yes, play like five seconds, Roger. Okay, okay, I know who the artist is, right out of the guy, I know who the artist is, right out of the guy, that's fucking Tom Petty and the heartbreakers, dude. Okay, sir, are you aware it's a woman singing? And I know this song, man, oh my God, a million fucking doll hairs, dude. Oh my god Okay The song is Sir, you just heard it again

She sings the name of the song Over and over again Okay, okay, don't tell me, man Don't tell me Okay, I know this song It's Trumpetti in the Heartbreakers My favorite band Got to them back at Summerfest

Nineteen 85 Fucking partied all night Party it all night Okay Knock it off, sir What is the name of the song? Okay, it's Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers

And the name of the song is Born in the USA Dead Born in the USA, Tom Petty No, it's not Thank you, goodbye Oh no, dude, I want my meal I want my cool meal

Doherstead ha! Hang up, Roger. I want my doll hairs did ah. Wow! Holy crap, man. Tell me this isn't our listening base, Roger. Don't shrug your shoulders. Oh, my God.

How much longer do we have to do this contest? I'm getting a little nervous now. All right, I got to go put a wet pack on my head or something. Let's close out the show. Let's close it out. No more callers. The million dollar giveaway will pick it up next time. Hopefully my boss forgets about it.

Oh, man. Jeez. Okay, let's wrap it. Wrap it, wrap it, wrap it, wrap it, wrap it. If you want to leave a call without being part of the contest, if you just want to call and leave a voicemail or something, you can do that at 323-739, 43330. That's the Harland Highway hotline.

And if I like your message, who knows it might make it onto the show. Anything would be better than the people that have been calling in for this stupid contest. I can't believe it, nine listeners. 323-739-4-3-3-0. That's the voicemail message box. You can leave a voicemail. You can write me at harlunwilms.com. And while you're at harlunwilms.com, check out our store.

We have a wonderful merch store in there where you can buy CDs, movies, DVDs, shirts, music, children's books, all kinds of stuff. And also click on my YouTube channel. There's a subscription button there. And then every time I post a wacky, uh, YouTube video. It comes straight to you first. There's no hooks. There's no cost.

There's no hidden agenda. It's just a free button for you to click, and hopefully I make you laugh. Just like this podcast. No agenda. It's free. You subscribe. You get it.

I love giving stuff away for free, especially laughter. That is a treat. So let's wrap it up. This show, I'm telling you, man, Mr. Featherstone, whatever. We'll be back next time. I'm glad you're here, everybody.

So great to have you here. Even if it's only nine of you, I love you. I'm glad you're here. Tell your friends so we can get more listeners. Maybe I can get my boss off my back. And we'll just keep on cruising down the highway. So that's it. Close it up.

And until next time, everybody. and show me, baby.