The Harland Highway - 597 - BBQ EDDY returns! Eating your veggies, the death of a giant, and car sounds.

Episode Date: August 4, 2014

Yes it's summer and BBQ Eddy is searching for some BBQ buddies!, Do you eat enough veggies? The death of a very tall critter. A Pavement Pounder answers the Question of the day. Puncture my lunch meat!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Well, bless my blistery blue buttons, whatever that means. Hey, everybody, Harlem Williams here, the host of the Harlan Highway podcast. Welcome, welcome, welcome. So glad you could be along for the ride here today down the highway. It's summertime. And oh my gosh, I got a bunch of phone calls from you, pavement pounders, saying, Where the hell is Barbecue Eddie? Well, guess what?

Barbecue Eddie is on the show today. You will be hearing from Barbecue Eddie today. Thank God. Also, we're going to be talking about a type of drink that could enhance your health. It's something that I indulge in from time to time, but it's a little iffy because it's in a can. But we'll talk about that. One of the pavement pounders called in and cleared up a mystery. question of the day on why when you open your car windows, you get that crazy air pressure

humming and assault on your eardrums, and unbelievably, one of the pavement pounders called in and cleared it all up. It's crystal clear. It's amazing. Also, dealing with cars. Oh, my God. Some idiot killed an animal while he was driving in his car. Wait till you hear this story. It's going to get funky and messy. But that's that. Then again, it always does. This is the Harland Highway. You just made a wrong turn. On to the Harland Highway.

I am out here for you. You don't know what it's like to be me out here for you. It's like I picked the wrong week to quit smoking. I'm funny how. I mean, funny like I'm a clown. I amuse you. Like I took the wrong week to quit drinking. I make you laugh.

I'm here to fucking amuse you. You're riding down the Harland Highway with Harlan Williams. I'd buy that for a dollar. What was it we had for dinner tonight? Well, we had a choice. Steak, fish. Yes, yes, I remember. I had lasagna. What do you mean funny? Funny how? How am I funny? It's like I picked the wrong week to quit am fit of me.

She's not a thought for Samantha Pintasai. Welcome to the Harland Highway. Get the wrong week, quit sniff, blue. Oh, boy, oh boy, oh boy. I don't like this top story here, but it's one of those ones you have to kind of talk about it. Uh, here's the headline, and I think you can fill in the blanks immediately. South Africa, giraffe dies after head hits highway overpass. Okay? And no, the giraffe wasn't running down the highway.

It wasn't one of these stories where a giraffe was running through Africa, through the bush, with its long galloping legs, and suddenly it stumbled across a road. is like, oh, there's no bushes here. This looked clear. I'll just run down this big black clearing with the yellow lines in the middle. I don't have to deal with trees and prickly things in my feet and swamps.

Doesn't seem to be any other animals on this big long black pathway. I'll just run down here for a while. Galang, galang, galang, galang, go on, go on, go on. Hits his head on an overpass. Now here's where the human idiots get involved. Here's the story. Those are responsible for a death of a draft

whose head struck a South African highway overpass Those being transported in a truck will likely be prosecuted under animal protection laws. The accident on a highway was very unsettling because it could have easily been avoided. It was just so unnecessary, said a official. Witnesses, as in startled motorists who were going along the same highway, took pictures of this truck that was carrying two drafts whose long necks were visible above the sides of the vehicle.

The surviving draft was taken to a wildlife clinic. Good Lord. Some lady said she was on the highway and saw the drafts, just before the accident, quote, the impact of the draft's head on the bridge was so loud that my cousin who was driving me asked if someone had been shot. The lady said, I saw the draft hit its head very hard on the concrete under the bridge

and kind of be propelled forward. Then she said she saw the draft's head descend into the truck that it was in. Is this sounding a lot like the JFK assassination, to you? I mean, the whole head descending forward and then a gunshot and then slumping into the seat. This could be the African equivalent of the JFK assassination.

Now, the other draft, God bless him, appeared to escape injury by millimeters because it was slightly shorter than the other draft that was popped I mean, talk about for once being short Coming into working your favor Holy jumping Because in the animal kingdom, man

The bigger you are, you know, you get the right to mate It's always the big bull moose And the big grizzly bears And the most, you know, dynamic animals That get to have all the sacks You know, the biggest wolf gets to get it on with all the other wolves will all the subordinates have to stand around and watch going oh my god we're standing out here in the snow i just finished eating an elk antler and there's the

leader of the pack getting it on over there again and i'm not allowed so you know this big tall giraffe was probably like the man and short he was living in his shadow all this time oh if only it was a few millimeters bigger i could have sex and i can be the king of the place and i can be the king of the planes and oh wait a minute Ed just lost his head on a bridge I think I'll stay right where I am but it reminds me I don't know if you saw the last hangover movie I think it was

Hangover 3 if you go on YouTube I'm sure it's probably there there's a scene where Zach Gallifanak is at the beginning of the movie for some reason is driving along and he has a draft and Sure enough, same thing.

Draft hits the overpass as he's pulling it down the highway in a trailer. Oh, my name's Alan and I bought a giraffe. He's all mine. He's super friendly. Oh, wow. Look at the giraffe. Oh, my God. Where do you think it's going?

Woo! Oh, my life is so. I have a wonderful life Oh, God. Yeah. That silent sound was when the draft's head was flying through the air just before it smashed through that family's front window and there's like a 40-car pile-up.

So, yeah, if you want. If you want to know what that whole draft decapitation thing looks like, just go on YouTube and type in Hangover 3 giraffe scene, and you'll see it, man. It's pretty brutal. So, RIP, my condolences to the draft and its family. And can humans just stop being so stupid? I mean, did you not think when you're transporting a tall, giant beast?

that there's going to be bridges along the way oh the poor thing and how often does a draft get to go for a nice Sunday drive it's probably just wind in its hair it's like you know it's an animal it doesn't know it's like wow I'm moving I'm moving faster than I've ever ran before I mean there was a time two years ago when I was being chased by a pride of lions and I was going top speed I mean I was galloping man I was going full tilt to save my life, and I was never going as fast as this. Plus, I was winded, man. That took a lot of exercise to run that fast.

I'm just standing here. Look at this beautiful scenery. Look at there goes some fields. There's some nice trees. There's a bonged. Dead. JFK giraffe assassination. So the message here is, gang,

if you're driving your giraffe around town, either take it through alternate routes through the country where there's no bridges or at the very least put a hockey helmet on the little fella. Goodbye, little giraffe, tall, giant giraffe. Goodbye. Hello? Hello?

Harlan, you don't know me, but I know you. And I know what the opto industry is doing with the sound when you roll down too many windows in your car. They do that so that you must use the air conditioning. And when you use the air conditioning, it keeps your body colder. So when the aliens finally come to abduct you, that means you already have preserved. They don't want you to get stale out. in the fresh air that want to abduct you

and keep you nice and crispy and cold in the crisper freezer on this lion saucer trust me for land I know I know

wow thank God somebody knows finally an answer yes yes it's true I did a podcast a few weeks ago and we did the Harland Highway question of the day

and the question was why is it that sometimes when you're roll down your car windows, you get that crazy air current like sound. You know what I mean? When the air starts humping and pumping in your eardrums, it's like there's a giant subwoofer in your vehicle. Well, this pavement pounder, thank you, by the way, nameless person, finally gave us the answer.

I believe you said it's because the alien. millions want us, uh, crispy and crunchy. Nice and crispy and cold in the crisper Fraser. Okay, crisper, crunchy cold. Why are we whispering? I'm not sure what that means. Okay, I think I got it now. Okay, I think I got it.

Thank you. Okay, got it. It keeps your body colder. Okay. Blu-l-blis-blis-blis-blis-blis-blis-blis-blis-blis. I think I understand now. Thank you. So when the aliens finally come to abduct you, that means you already have preserved. And am I crispy and crunchy?

Nice and crispy and cold. Hold in the crisper Fraser. And once we're crispy and cold, where do we go? On this flying saucer. Wow. How do I know I go on a flying saucer? Trust me, Farland. I know.

But how do you know? I know. Okay. Thank you. Okay. So there you go there you go. That caller did not leave a name, but I'm just glad that's cleared up. So the next time you're driving and you're, you roll down all the windows in your vehicle or roll them partially down in that bizarre air current, pressurized. thumping starts happening now you know now you know well there you go it's that easy thank you so much for for bringing us up to speed if you want to leave a message on the harland highway if you know stuff that might help clear things up for us 323 739 43330 that's 323 739 43330

and you can catch that phone number on my website, do it at harlolwilums.com. If you forget it here, just go online, harlolwilums.com, and you will see that number 323739-4-330. Wow, that was good. Oh, I feel so much better now. Let's keep moving on here. What we've got here is

failure to communicate. Hello? Hello? Hey, Harlan, I just realized that we're halfway through summer and haven't heard from Eddie yet. I know he's probably dying to get out there in barbecue so if we could hear from Eddie, that'd be great. Thanks. This is Eddie.

He wants to party. But they just hang up. Hey, how's it going, man? Eh. It's Eddie. Hello? Hey, it's Eddie. How's it going? Who's Eddie?

From the hardware store. I'm going to see if you wanted to throw a barbecue together today or something? Nope. You got the wrong number, dude. Slap some ribs around or some Hineken's or just... Nope. Maybe some corn on the cob or something? Nope. Oh.

We got chicken bread. and stuff if you're up for slapping some of those around. No, who is this? Uh, Eddie? No. You sure you got the right person? What are you looking for? Just looking for a friend to have a barbecue with or something? No. Uh, some chicken wings or something?

No. Um, fish? Hey, what the hell? What the hell? That was Eddie He wants to party But they just hang up So let me ask you this

Do you like vegetables Yeah I got away from that thing And now I'm into this Do you like your vegetables Do you like to eat vegetables Do you like your carrots and your beats? Hey everybody Who wants to have better sex?

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Adam and Eve.com. This is an exclusive offer specific to this podcast. So be sure to use this code Harland so you get your discount and 100% free shipping, Code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. And your tomatoes and all those veggies, the beans and the broccolies and the cauliflowers, the parnips,

oh, parsnips, no, I'm not a huge fan. I guess I like them. like I like them in certain situations. I love cauliflower if it's got cheese sauce on it. I like broccoli if it's got cheese sauce on it. I like, you know, beans if they've got lots of butter on them.

I just don't know how much I like raw vegetables. You know, I don't like beets. I don't like asparagus. I don't like spinach. I don't like Brussels sprouts. Eh, ugh. And I'm guilty. of rarely eating them and I get scared because you watch TV and all they talk about is well

you're going to die of cancer if you don't get your veggies and I'm like well is it is a double cheeseburger a vegetable because I eat lots of those all the time oh oh um so here's what I do and uh I don't know if you've heard of this stuff called V8 there's a juice called V8 and it sounds a lot like a motor oil doesn't it it just doesn't seem like something you put in your body you pull into a gas station yeah fill her up with unleaded and uh give me a V8 but V8 as you know is a is a drink that comes in a can and it's just like smashed up vegetables and let me read you the ingredients here 100% vegetable juice V8 by Campbell's, Campbell's Soup Company.

Maybe it's just a can of soup. Reconstituted vegetable juice. I don't like that word reconstituted. Doesn't it sound like it passed through somebody? Is that like what they do in the space shuttle where they turn the urine into drinking water? Can we not have the word reconstituted? What is that?

Reconstituted vegetable juice, blend. And then in brackets, it says water and concentrated juices of tomatoes, carrots, celery, beets, parsley, lettuce, watercress, spinach. I don't know why that's in brackets. It's almost like, well, it's kind of there. You know, it's in brackets. We're not sure. But, okay, I'm fine with the tomatoes, the carrots, the celery. don't love the beets but parsley isn't parsley a garnish why are we it's like well let's let's put all

the vegetables in and just for presentation purposes we better put some garnish in there throw some parsley in and maybe just drizzle a bit of chocolate syrup on there just to make it look good lettuce spinach and watercress I don't know do you know anyone that grows watercress Hey, man, what's your daddy do for a living? Oh, man, he grow watercress. We got a watercress farm, man. What the hell's watercress? I don't know, man.

It grows underwater. I can't even see it unless I get a snorkel or something. It sounds like something like buffalo eat in Thailand or something. Yeah. Get that buffalo under the watercress. Hurry, get that buffalo under the watercress. So I don't know. I guess it's in there, and then it says it contains less than 2% of salt.

Well, less than 2% of how much salt, because that's the one thing I hear people say bad about V8 uses. Oh, you know, it's all sodium, right? It's all salt in there. I don't know, is it? I'm only getting 2% of all the salt in the world. It says vitamin C, and then in brackets again, escorbic acid. Or does anyone know how to say that? Sorbic acid, asorbic acid, acorbic acid,

A-S-C-O-R-B-I-C, ascorbic, acorbic, I don't know. Let's just say it's acid. They should put, like, L-S-D acid in here. Oh, man, these vegetables are really, like, doing the job, man. I've never, like, felt better. Hey, man, there goes, like, a purple office building. And a plaid hippopotamus, man. These vegetables are really.

And then it says natural flavoring and citric acid. So exorbic acid and citrus acid. A lot of acid in there. I guess natural flavoring. I guess this taste of acid must be delicious. And then right down near the bottom, it says in really big letters, gluten-free. Okay. What else does it say on this can?

Juice provides more than two servings, a half cup each of vegetables. The 2010 dietary guidelines for Americans recommend two and a half cups of a variety of vegetables per day for a 7,000, 2,000 calorie diet. Holy smokes. They're recommending two and a half cups of variety of vegetables per day? Can we say like I do that maybe twice a year? Yikes! V8 me, man.

Change my oil! So then we go to the nutritional facts on the can. Calories, 70, total fat zero, saturated fat, zero, trans fat zero, cholesterol zero. Here we go, sodium, 920 megagrams, 38%, potassium, 18%, total carbohydrates, 5%, dietary fiber, 12%. vitamin A, 60% vitamin C, 170%, whoa, do I need 170% of anything in my body? That's like 70% more than you really need. Hey, dude, you're sweating tomato juice.

Yeah, I know, man, I've got 170% vitamin C in my system. Yeah, but you're sweating tomato juice. I know, is my shirt red? Only in the armpits. Okay, thanks. Calcium 4%, iron, 4%. So there's a lot of information on this can. There's even more.

I'm not going to read it all, but I guess the reason I'm bringing this up to you is that, you know, I don't get my veggies. And I guess since I don't get my veggies, maybe I'll deal with a little bit of salt in order to get my veggies because the body needs salt too. Now, I would not drink one of these every day, maybe one a week, maybe twice a week. I keep a V8 in the fridge and I go, I better be healthy today, and I'll drink one. And I feel good about myself.

And when I say feel good about myself, I mean, I drink one, then go out and get a double cheeseburger. Oh, ha, double. So anyways, I don't know if that's a public service. announcement I just did, or it was a free endorsement for Campbell's Soup. But I felt I should talk about my lack of vegetable intake, and maybe since I have a kind of a goofy way of doing it, it's less painful to close my eyes, plug my nose, and drink a 10-ounce can of V8 than it is to sit down and physically shove Brussels sprouts and spinach salad and squash into my mouth. maybe I'll start eating gourds. Does anyone eat gourds?

They just kind of show up on your table at Halloween and Thanksgiving, but I bet they're delicious. I'm going to start eating gourds. So there you go. Hope that helps you get healthy and live a cancer-free life. Yeah, right.

Harlan, this summer is half over, and we haven't had any barbecues with Eddie what's up with that this is Eddie he wants to party but they just hang up Hello

Hey how's it going man Hello Hey how's it going It's Eddie Oh my gosh How you doing? Great, great I was going to see if

Maybe you're free today We could throw a barbecue together or something? I have no idea. I don't think he's got the wrong number. You might have the wrong number. Who did you say this was? This is Eddie. It's going to see if you wanted to throw back some Hineken's,

maybe slap some ribs around and stuff. Yeah. I'm sorry. I think you have the wrong number. I'd like to tell you your barbecue sounds good, though. Well, maybe we could get to. together, throw some corn on the cob on the grill or something, or have time? You have the wrong number.

Um, you like Heineken's, or? You have the wrong number. We don't know who you are. Doesn't mean we can't have a barbecue, does it? I'm sorry, you got to hang up. You have the wrong number. Wait, what the hell? What the hell?

That was Eddie. He wants to party. But they just hang up. Oh, poor Eddie. He's back. Oh, my God. He just wants to have a barbecue. Thank you guys for calling in and, you know, reminding Eddie that there's barbecues to be had out there, man.

I was starting to wonder what was going on with him, too. Maybe I pictured him maybe drunk in a cellar or something, but I guess, I guess summer's officially on. Eddie's out searching for the old barbecue, yo-e-o-e-o. Are you guys barbecuers? Do you like the barbecue thing? I've had a few barbecues already this summer, and, um, yummy. Here's something that I do that a buddy of mine taught me. Um, is, uh, and you might, you might want to try this as a little barbecue tip, but I'm sure, sorry,

Eddie's not giving it to you, but who knows where that guy is. Um, what I do is I throw like the steak or the fish or the, the, the chicken or whatever you're cooking on the barbecue. Okay. But beforehand, um, sometimes you might want to have fried onions or fried mushrooms or a little like side dishes, Acrumonts, I think, is the word. I'm probably wrong. Acrumont. For some reason, that word popped into my head. It could be completely wrong.

But let's say you want a little side dish or a little add-on to your steak. What I do is instead of preparing like the fried onions or the mushrooms or what have you up, you know, on the stove, this is a little trick my buddy taught me. You just get a piece of tinfoil, okay? You take the tin foil out, and it can just be one sheet, or if you're a little insecure about it, you can kind of double it up, make it a little thicker, and you basically just get one sheet and kind of fold the edges up, about an inch high, so it creates a little bit of a perimeter, and you put your chopped onions and your mushrooms and your butter or whatever onto the tinfoil.

you can put them in together you can put them in separately your onions your mushrooms or whatever you're kind of adding on to your meal and then you just place the tinfoil this little tinfoil plate so to speak right on the grill maybe you put it off to the side a little so it doesn't take a lot of space or what i do is i i put it right on the hardest part of the coals before I introduce the meat and stuff. So I give the fried onions and the mushrooms and whatever a running start because they take a little longer to kind of cook and simmer

and you don't want them to get too hot and burn. So you throw those on there, maybe put a little dollop of butter in there to get the flavor going a little and heat it all up. And it's kind of a nice little precursor to the barbecue because you can start to start to sell. smell the onions and the mushrooms heating up and cooking and the scent of food over fire starts to fill the air and you let those get those going about maybe halfway, three

quarters way done and then you throw your meat down or whatever you're cooking because the meat always cooks fairly fast. But when it comes to like frying, you know, the grilled onions or the grilled mushrooms or whatever, you kind of want to let those go a little slower. they marinate in their own juices and ooh i'm getting hungry so uh so there you go uh thanks to you guys for uh getting giving eddie a kick in the ass and i'm sure we're going to be hearing a lot more from him like you said summer's only half over so there's a lot of barbecuing to be had still and uh and there's a little uh barbecue tip from yours truly via uh my friend of mine my friend Dave, and I hope you enjoy that little barbecue tip.

So that brings us to the end of the show. We go out with a delicious little tip. Maybe we should have Dead Julia Childs on to give us some barbecue tips as well. I'm sure she's got some excellent barbecue tips. Maybe next time. So that's it for today, folks. Thanks for calling in. If you want to call in and leave your suggestions or your comments or your hatred or your

praise whatever you want. 323-739, 43330. That's 323-739-43330. It's just a voice machine. You don't have to talk to anybody, so you can say whatever the F you want. And if you can't remember this number, go to harlan-Williams.com. The phone number is prominently placed right on the homepage.

And we'd love to hear from you. Like I said, a few shows ago, we want to start hearing from the ladies. lot of boys calling in we want to hear get some feedback from the ladies hey ladies okay that was really probably not going to help my cause here probably frightened all the ladies away while you're at the website check out my tour schedule oh my god my fall tours are starting my stand-up comedy tours are starting uh i am doing a big tour through western canada called Comzilla Harlem Williams

Comzilla comedy tour destroying your city or town with laughter please go to my website and check the dates I'm going through Saskatchewan, Alberta, British Columbia it is going to be great tickets are already up for sale

and they are moving fast so it doesn't start until September it's near the end of September early October so lots of time to still grab your tickets, but I urge you to do it before it's too late. You don't want to miss the Comzilla comedy tour. Also, check out your cities across the United States and Canada.

I've got all kinds of new dates posted up there. Phoenix, Virginia Beach, San Jose, Ogden, Utah. I mean, I'm flying all over the place, man. So check it out. Check out the store, Harlowyms.com, merch store. If you want to buy some fun t-shirts, DVDs, music, all that stuff, and please subscribe to my YouTube channel while you're at the Harlan Williams.com page. You can click on there, and you'll see my wacky videos as they come out.

You'll be the first to see them. And also, you'll see an Amazon.com link. If you're planning to do some shopping on Amazon, please click that link and do your shop. It'll take you right to Amazon. Here's the secret. We get a little tiny kickback. We get a little bit of money that comes to the show if you click through Amazon on my web page.

So everything helps to keep the Harlan Highway humming. And we do appreciate it. So that's it for today. Thanks for being here, everybody. Until next time, keep your barbecues hot and chicken. Chaumain, baby. Thank you for us.