The Harland Highway - 599 - The EBOLA VIRUS in America, rock band SAGA, a better place.

Episode Date: August 11, 2014

A specialist from the Center for Disease Control calls in to discuss the dangers of the Ebola Virus in North America. When we die do we go to a "Better Place"? The sounds of Canadian rock band SAGA. Hickory stick a Bic (pen)!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Well, hey there, folks. Harlan Williams here. Your host on the Harland Highway podcast, just kicking back, keeping it mellow, chilling. Yeah, come join us today in another wild ride, wild drive down the Harlan Highway. We're going to be talking about what it's like to go to a better place. I don't know if any of you have ever died. I don't know if any of you listening are dead. But have you been to that better place they talk about?

Well, we're going to talk about the better place. Also, we are going to have an expert in the field coming on to the show today to talk to us about the Ebola virus. Pretty scary stuff. Big outbreak over in Africa, and they've actually flown a few doctors over here who have have contracted the Ebola virus. They've brought them to North America. And everyone's a little on edge. Everyone's a little scared,

so we're going to be talking to Dr. Ting Lee from the Center for Disease Control down in Atlanta, Georgia, to help us get our heads around the whole Ebola virus thing. And then we're going to, I'm going to play a song from a Canadian rock band that I don't know if you've heard of them or not, but they got some great music, and I'm going to lay one of their songs,

on you. I think you're going to dig it. So let's go. Here it is. The Harland Highway. You just made a wrong turn. On to the Harland Highway. I am out here for you. You don't know what it's like to be me out here for you. It's like I picked the wrong week.

Quit smoking. I'm funny how. I mean, funny like I'm a clown. I amuse you. Like I took the wrong week. Good drink. I make you laugh. I'm here to fucking amuse you. You're riding down the Harland Highway with Harland williams i buy that for a dollar what was it we had for dinner tonight well we had a choice steak

fish yes yes i remember i had lasagna what do you mean funny funny how am i funny like i picked the wrong week when i'm fit of me she's got a soft for samantha thing to sign welcome to the harland highway picked the wrong week christmas brew i am so sorry to hear about the passing of your father Oh, you know, thanks, man. No, seriously. I'm so sorry. Well, thank you. It's very kind.

I mean, he's in a better place. Okay, that's all I can say. Well, okay, thanks. Seriously, he's in a much better place. Okay, I guess he is. I mean, if dead is a better place, then I guess... Well, like, you know, he's in a better place. Yeah, but again, if dead, you know, never moving, breathing, touching, tasting, feeling, looking is a better place than, yes, it's, well, you know, now that you break it down.

Yeah. So, so dead is better than going to Dairy Queen for a peanut buster parfay. Well, yeah, death is a much better place. Okay, so having sex is, you know, death is much better place. You ever get that? You ever hear that all the time? People talking about how death, whenever anybody dies, it's like, oh, well, at least they're in a better place, don't you know?

I'm like, really? like isn't death just about the end place like is it really a better place better than what maybe better than you know rolling down a hill full of cactus and there's a rabid mountain lion sitting at the bottom okay I get it yeah that could be

construed as death being in a better place but uh I I don't know, man. I think there's a lot, a lot, a lot, like a big, long, giant, giant, really long list of places that are probably better than death. Oh, no, death, you're in a better place. No, no, you're not in a better place.

And then if you're talking about heaven, I don't know, man, where everything's nice and fun and people floating around? How long do you want to float for? Well, that'll be eternity. I'll be floating for eternity. Okay. And what if there's people there I don't like? I've talked about this before.

Heaven might get annoying after a while. I like a little variation in my better place. You know, I want to go to Dairy Queen. I want to go to the movies. Maybe I want to sit on my couch and watch the news. news? Maybe I want to be sitting there with my arm around my girlfriend or my wife or whoever I got in my life. I don't know if laying in a hole in the ground is a better place. I don't know if floating around in the clouds with angel wings on is, I mean, you know,

80 years of mortal life here on this earthly plane is stretching it for some people. Some people are like, oh, God, I don't want to live that long. Are you 80? Oh, hell no. Take me at 19. That's all I want. Seriously, as you get older, you start to meet people. They're like, oh, man, are you kidding?

I don't want to be to live 100? What the hell am I going to do for that long? Makes me wonder if people are having a crappy life or something. But, you know, I don't know if I want to hear this better place stuff. when I die. That's a better place. Wouldn't we all just be jumping off bridges? Hey, Bob, where are you going, man?

Oh, you know, they canceled my favorite TV show, so I'm going to a better place. I'm going to jump off the bridge downtown. Okay, Bob, nice knowing you. Yeah, you too. Thanks. I mean, humans always want the next best thing, right? So humans always want the better place.

You know, you're driving down the road. Do you want to stay at the Motel 6? Or you want to stay at the Ritz Carlton? Everybody's going to go to the Ritz Carlton. If it's free, well, I'd like the better place, please. So if this quote-unquote better place exists, wouldn't you just see human beings running over the edges of cliffs and like giant herds, just like,

hundreds of thousands of people just charging over the side of a cliff to fall to their death. And on the way down, they're like, hooray, I'm going to a better place. Yay, I'm going to the better place. Oh, uh, uh, uh, yeah. So we'll see, I guess, you know, I don't know. I hope this better place has a dairy queen at it because. I don't know. One cheeseburger with everything coming up.

And speaking of better places, we all might be going to that big better place really soon. I'm sure you've been hearing this in the news about the Ebola virus breaking out in Africa overseas and a couple of American doctors contracted the Ebola virus and they flew them back to the United States of America for treatment. the Ebola virus, from what they know, has never been seen in North America. And this is a lethal disease that 90% of the people who get it die, apparently.

So this isn't kid stuff. And my question is, what's going on with the Ebola thing? Is it wise to be bringing people infected back to this country? and is he is he on the line roger yeah okay so it looks like we have a specialist on the line from uh he's from the center of disease control in atlanta georgia

uh doctor is it ting ting ting lee ting ting lee uh dr tingley and uh let's patch him through rog and let's hope that doctor uh... Ting Lee can answer some of our questions and concerns about this horrible thing that's happening in the world.

Yeah, put them through, Raj. Dr. Lee, go ahead, sir. You are on the Harland Highway. Yes, it's very good to be here. Thank you for having me. You're very welcome, sir. It's our pleasure to have you here. This is a very scary time.

There's a lot of concerned citizens. across the United States, North America, Canada. Is it a mistake to be bringing infected citizens back into the country with the Ebola virus? We have very excellent treatment facilities in hospital in North America to treat people infected with the Ebola virus. and I have personally been in contact with the infected individuals, and we can assure you that everything is stabilized and they are getting the most effective treatment possible for a full, healthy recovery.

Okay, Dr. Lee, that's all good in theory, I guess. But, you know, we're talking about an invisible, microorganism, a virus that basically jumps from one host to the other? Yes, this is very true, but one has to remember at the same time that the Ebola virus can only be transferred directly to exchanging bodily fluids or being in very, very close proximity to an infected subject. Okay, well that being said, sir, aren't you in close proximity to, as you say, an infected subject? That is very accurate, but we have protecting clothing.

We have excellent ventilation system, and we are isolated from ever coming into direct contact with... Excuse me, in coming into direct contact. contact with infected individuals. Okay, well, can I be the devil's advocate here? I'm not sure what that means. Okay, are you okay? I hear you coughing a bit there. I am fine. I'm very good. Okay, a devil's advocate, meaning what if we don't know everything there is to know about

the Ebola virus? And, you know, it is a virus. Like, you know, we don't even, the cold virus is a virus, and we don't even have a, how to know how to cure contain the common cold. And you're telling me that this, this, this, this, this, this Ebola virus that could wipe out our whole society is, is fairly harmless if it's in the right environment. Absolutely. The last thing we have to remember, Mr. Williams, is we cannot induce a state of pandemonium. We cannot induce a state of fear. We cannot have fear mong. Excuse me.

We must be very... Are you okay, sir? Yes, we must be very, very conscientious about not creating general state of panic in the public arena. Excuse me for just one minute. please. Dr. Lee, are you okay there? Yes, I am fine, absolutely fine. We are very busy at the hospital, and we are...

Well, I mean, it sounds like you're coughing a bit there, sir. It sounds like quite a heavy cough. on the phone doing a lot of press and media engagements talking about how we here at the Center for Disease Control, we have full containment of the Ebola virus so that nobody in North America ever come into contact. no ever come into contact with Ebola. Okay, well, I'm going to go back to my question. What if it comes out?

How long until this thing pretty much decimates our, you know, American civilization as we know it? We're here at the center of disease control. we don't like to, how you say, play in the world of hypotheticals. You understand what I mean? Yes, hypothetical situations. Yes, we find that very, very dangerous to enter into that world, to go down that road where we create hypothetical situation and people here, but they not know how to attach reality

and separate Dr. Lee? Dr. Lee? Are you okay, sir? I'm absolutely fine. We are here at the hospital. Everything is under complete control. And no, I want to stress again out loud, no, 100%, no chance of Ebola escaping into environment here in United States of America.

Okay. Well, you are the experts, sir. You are, you are, you know, one of the experts. of the top, you know, professionals in the field of this lethal... Oh my God, Dr. Lee! Oh my God. Roger, did you hear that? Roger? Did you hear of this, right? Dr. Lee? Hey, everybody, who wants to have better sex?

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and 100% free shipping code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. Dr. Lee. Sir, is everything okay, doctor? Yes, yes, everything absolutely excellent. We are in the process of eliminating this. No, no, I don't think I'm buying this, sir.

You sound very, very sick here. And I just, maybe some pollen in the air, allergy all over the place. I don't think there's allergies, so you're in a contained environment and in the Center for Disease Control Hospital. Yes, but, you know, sometimes mosquito or bumblebee come frying through the ventilation system and the polling get in the air and get up Dr. Lee's nose and I get out sniffly. Well, that doesn't sound like you're sniffly, sir. It sounded like did you fall down just a few minutes ago?

No, I'm not, no, not me. I didn't fall down. You know, can I talk to somebody else there, Dr. Lee? Oh, they're all on the floor. They're not moving. Excuse me? I mean, they go down to a cafeteria, taking break, long days, doing media coverage. Everything okay here, though, okay?

I have to go now. Everything okay? Dr. Lee? Dr. Lee! Hello? Hello? Oh, my God. Roger, you... Did he hang up?

No, I think the line's still active. I don't hear anything. Let's try and get... get them back on the line rot something's up here let's let's go to a commercial and then we'll come back home um go to a commercial okay mom which hand has the newest idea and douchees wrong two mass and gill vinegar and water duchess right new extra cleansing and extra mild now we have a choice of mass and gill freshness what's the difference new extra cleansing the only vinegar and water with pure clean pure clean for a

perspective cleansing and extra mild the only douche with no additives i've always trusted massingill extra mild for me i choose extra cleansing trust massinggill the leader for 73 years well um he's still not back okay well it looks like we're having a little trouble getting uh getting our guy back here dr uh ting lee keep trying, Roj. I mean, I'm a little concerned about, I didn't like that cough I was hearing. This holy bull of thing is a little unsettling.

I don't know that it's the best move in the world to be bringing a disease into our borders that's never been here before. I get it. There's a couple of lives at stake, but, you know, the United States has a lot of money. Are you telling me they can't roll all the equipment onto the back of a military cargo plane

and just make the trip over there? It's not like Africa doesn't have electricity. They can plug the stuff in over there, man. This just seems like the beginning of a really bad zombie movie or a post-apocalyptic movie where, you know, the government officials are all like, oh, yeah, there's no problem.

We can bring the Ebola victims over here. We're the United States of America. You know, in Africa, they can't contain it. But over here, I mean, this is the United States of America. I'll tell you what we do, the Ebola virus. We kick Ebola ass. That's what we do. So, yeah, bring it over.

We'll show Ebola who's in charge. And then, of course, you know, one of the patients is doing fine and gets delirious on his medication. and wanders out of the hospital and some security guard tries to stop him and because he's so delirious with Ebola and all the drugs they got him on, he grabs a fire axe and puts it through the security guard's chest.

And then he, like, grabs the first person he sees and breathes in their face. And that person goes running away, screaming because they're terrified, and now they're covered with the Ebola. And they go home and, uh, you know, hug their husband and now he's got it. Then he goes to work and he's touching doorknobs and you, you know the rest, man. It just sounds like the beginning of a real bad movie where we all freaking die. I mean, seriously, they can't, you know, they had to fly the people over here,

which takes however long it takes to fly from Africa to Atlanta. so why not just do the reverse put the equipment that has no immune system it's just machinery put it on a friggin one of those giant cargo jets i mean these cargo jets transport uh aren't like tanks and and humvees and 18 wheelers and crap you're telling me they can't put a couple of like lung chambers or iron lungs or you know catholic or bags or whatever on on these things and just in the same time it would have taken to fly them over just fly the stuff over and treat them over there and I'm not trying to be uncompassionate here I'm not saying like oh they have umbola forget it screw them I'm just saying you you take the

equipment there and give them the exact same treatment but why put everyone else at risk it just seems a little cocky and a little too self-assured and like a recipe for the end of the world type of thing or maybe they're really good at what they do and they'll just snuff it out I don't know but I like to get dramatic I'm having one of those days where I want some drama it's pronounced drama well I like to say drama yeah but it's drama

drama drama who cares i just oh it's just what an abola day hi have a great abola day hi how are you happy abola day hey what have a great abola day hey what have a great abola of a day okay yeah okay what am i talking about um so there you go now on to something a little more more uplifting. This is fun. Every now and then, as you know, I grew up in Canada. And, you know, we had this mandate in Canada where in Canada, the radio stations were forced to play a certain percentage of Canadian content when it came to the music.

And this was a way of, you know, Canada ensuring that it supported its artists and that it upheld its culture and it promoted, you know, the arts and all that stuff, which I think is a good idea because, you remember, Canada is a small population base. It's like 33 million, and the United States is up over 300 million. So small population base, hard to make a living as a musician or a band or whatever up there. Yeah, right, tell that to Brian Adams, Celine Dion. I call Boo Blay. All the rest of them.

But anyhow, I thought it was kind of cool that Canada kind of had this mandate. And they still have it. Every time I go home, man, I still hear all the old Canadian rock and roll hits. And every now and then I pop one down for you because I think some of them are really amazing. And I want to play for you now, you know, just out of respect to the band and to give exposure to the band. because a lot of times these great Canadian rock tunes never get airplay down here in the United States. Now, I think this one might have got a little bit, but not as much as it got up in Canada. And it's kind of more of a ballad-type song.

So here it is. I won't keep blabbing about it. I hope you like it and I hope you go out and buy it on iTunes or wherever. It's called Don't Be Late And it's by this great Canadian rock band Called Saga I'm going to singh. And he'd said, don't be late, just don't be late. With his parcel, tough time under his own, he'd show his fast-up way.

And he'd said, don't be late, just don't be late. I'm Did you make I'm going to make a lot? You're strange to be a habit I was I wasn't sure if I knew you I'm glad you're still all right

It's all right I've done I've done all that you told me I'm sure that they will wait The time is they find your fear If you're leaving a lot of fear They don't know They don't know

They don't know how far we've had to know. No, soon we'll see them. Then you'll know that I had not be late. He said, hurry and don't be late. You better hurry you might be late. Just hurry and don't be late. You bet you're happy you may be late! And they're going to be able to be able to be in a lot, sorry, and they all can be alive.

It's not too far now And I can only wish you not Friends I see you agree This magic is not cool I can see them waiting A few lost steps You'll be there

She said Hurry and don't you date You get the worry you might be in date Just hurry and don't be in date. Just hurry and don't be All right, that's a hug will you make me late. Just hurry and don't get to hug you make me late. All right, so the ending's pretty long.

It's just kind of more of this kind of, it's more like a musical. ending there goes on for another minute or so but that's the gist of the song and uh i thought uh you know i thought you'd like it i think they're amazing i mean they have a bunch of other songs that you should check out on the internet on youtube or uh what have you and um i have another song called on the loose and uh all kinds of good stuff but i just i think the guy is such a pure and beautiful voice you know a lot a lot of a lot of rock bands have singers who can sing adequately, but this guy, there's a real purity and a clean sound to his voice. It's just, I think it's just an amazing, amazing voice. And kind of a haunting song. It's got

kind of that really cool rock buildup, you know, and then kind of that melodic, like, kind of beautiful, soulful sound. At least that's how I interpret it. You can be like, oh, my God, what is this stuff? Oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh. Or you can be like, oh, my God, Harlan, thank you. Well, don't thank me. Thanks, Saga, and, you know, listen to them and check them out, download their music. I'm just proud of them. You know, it's sad that a lot of these Canadian bands never get a shot at being heard or seen or exposed.

So that's what I've been doing on this podcast over the years. Every now and then, I pop in an old Canadian band. for you and I certainly hope you liked it. So why don't we hang it up there? What? He's back on the line? Oh my God, okay, put him through. It sounds like Dr. Ting

Lee is back. We were worried about him, but I guess he's back on the line from the center of disease control in Atlanta. He's overseeing the patients with the Ebola virus that have come over from Africa. uh he he we were talking to him he assured us that everything was fine there was no chance of any

spread or contamination and it sounds like we lost him for a little bit but he's back on the line put him through roj dr lee yes yes thank you thank you very much everything all Okay. I can't. Dr. Lee? No, is everything fine? I just, I can't see anybody. It looked like all the doors are open

and the alarm going off and there's smoke everywhere. I can't see nothing. Everybody I hear screaming and some siren coming, but everything's fine. I just want to reassure everybody in North America. Ebola virus, fine. Everybody's going to be okay. Have a great summer, okay?

Dr. Lee? Everybody have beach volleyball. Everybody have barbecues, hunting some spare ribs. Go canoeing and kayaking. Ah, ha. Go fishing out in the lake. Go for a swim. Maybe have a picnic in the park.

Dr. Lee! Baby, how about God, the people, the eyes are red. Oh, my God, the blood coming out of their eyes. Oh, my God, get away from me. Get away. They got black teeth. Oh, my God, get away. Oh, my God.

Dr. Lee? Dr. Lee? Mr. Lee? Roger? Did you hear that? You know, Rod, why don't we... What's that? Let's end the show right here, Rodge.

We're going to end the show. Hang up! Let's get out of here. Oh, my God. Okay, so listen, folks, kind of a startling way to end the show here, but I'm going to get out of here. Maybe you should, too.

Don't forget to go to harloweems.com. You can write me at Harlowyms.com. You can leave me a phone message at 323-739-43-3-3-3-3-3-3. 3-3-739-433. You can check out my stand-up schedule there at Harlowyms.com. A big fall tour beginning, doing the Harlow Williams' Comzilla comedy tour, destroying your town with laughter. I'm going to be doing a big swing in September, late September.

early October through Western Canada, Saskatchew. Oh, my God. Why am I coughing? Raj, are you coughing? Anyways, going to be swinging through Saskatchewan, Alberta, British Columbia, Victoria, Vancouver, Saskatoon, Calgary, all late September, early October. Go to Harlow Williams.com. Check on the dates.

Order your tickets online. They are moving fast, folks. What else? Check out the store, harlemwilms.com, and check in for all your little Harlem Williams treats. Also, go to all thingscom.com. That is a podcast network, which you also find my show. Lots of other funny comedians with podcasts on there. And when you're on Harlem Williams.com,

Please subscribe to my YouTube channel. Just click the subscription button and all kinds of cool videos will come your way. How about that? So that's it. I got to get out of here. I'm feeling a little anxiety after this show. Hope you had a good time. Tell your friends.

And until next time, chicken chamein, baby. Ha ha!