The Harland Highway - 602 -GEORGE MICHAEL from WHAM calls in, BBQ Eddie, and SHHHUSHHH!!

Episode Date: August 21, 2014

GEORGE MICHAEL from WHAM calls in to promote his new celebrity product, BBQ Eddie still searching for friends, and have you ever SHHHUSHHH!-ED someone? Textus my Lextus!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Here I am, rock you like a hurricane. Okay. No? Okay. How about a little windstorm? No? How about I rock you like a slight tropical breeze? Yeah?

Okay. Hey, everybody. It's Harlan Williams. Coming at you in whatever form. Mostly just as me. Harlem Williams, your host of the Harlan Highway podcast. Thank you for being here. So great to have you here.

Just so super and so great. So good to have you here that I'm getting a lisp. I'm so excited. I've got a lisp. What a show we have today? We're going to be talking about shushing people. It's a weird phenomenon, but we're going to be talking about being shushed and shushing people. Barbecue Eddie is here

He's going to be I guess calling around Looking for someone to have a barbecue with the poor little guy And then I also hear that we're getting a call From George Michael from the pop group Wham I don't know why he calls me and bothers me It's so freaking annoying Hopefully I can get them on the line and off real quick And not have to deal with that British freak

Anyways let's get gone Here it is It's the Harland Highway You're listening to Harlan Williams Harlan, funny stuff, bro, funny stuff. Keep it coming, later. How long have you had this job? Long enough.

He's fine as long as he gets his medication. He doesn't get his medications. He's not fine. You just made a wrong turn. On to the Harland Highway. You're a groovy boy. I'd like to strap you on sometime. The Harland Highway.

You're all going to experience intense, mental, physical, strength. All right, hold tight on the Harland Highway Show. Don't let me do it. I'll do it, I swear to God. Don't be such a fucking pussy. You're never around here, ain't you? What's your name? You're listening to Harlan Williams. We're rock and luck.

Welcome to the Harland Highway. This is Eddie. He wants to party. But they just hang up. Hello. Hey, how's it going? Hello? Hi, how's it going?

It's Eddie. Who's this sorry? It's Eddie calling. Who? Eddie. Eddie? Yeah. Eddie.

It's going to see if you wanted to get together today. Maybe you have a barbecue or something, or? Hey, what the hell? What the hell? That was Eddie. He wants to party. But they just hang up. Oh, they just hang up.

How about you? Have you ever had anyone hang up on you in the middle of a phone call or at the end of a phone call? They're aggressively hanging. Sorry to interrupt. Hey, Harlan. Yeah. Uh, George Michael, that guy from Wham. No, no, no, no, no, no, not that guy.

He says it's important. What could be so important? Why does he need to call me? He says he needs to talk to you. Why? About what? I don't know. Well, I don't want to talk to him. Do not patch him through, Roger.

Do not, why are you putting your finger towards the phone banks? Don't press that button. Don't press Roger. Don't. Oh, God. Hello, hi, Lynn. Oh, God. me, then. It's George Michael calling.

Yes, I know who it is, and I'm just not really clear on why you're calling here, and are you drunk? No, I'm not drunk. And what if I was, what are you going to do about it, darling? So he jumped on and thought he'd airplane from the United States of America. Oh, God. No, the last thing I want to do is come over there and see you, George. I got two names, just like the Eiffel Tower, just like chocolate donut, and just like Cher. Share? That's what I said. Share is only one name.

No, if you say it twice a year, then share share. Oh, God. So it's Judge Michael. Okay, relax. What do you want? I was calling to tell you all in about my new... Do you remember a little while back... Excuse me, a little while back, I had my own fragrance.

Yes, I remember you had your own celebrity fragrance, just like J-Lo and all, you know, Miley Cyrus and Justin Bieber and all the rest of them. That's right, but it didn't work very... Very well. What was it called again? Midnight testicles. Midnight testicles. Yeah, that's right.

And you're wondering why it didn't work. Oh, what's that supposed to mean? Like, you don't like to spray the smell of someone's nut bag on your neck when you're... Okay. Are you telling me that midnight testicles smelled like... Like a bag of nuts you got out right. Hot, sweaty nuts. sitting out in a sunshine

in a pair of fucking corduroy trousers all in okay watch the language George it's George fucking Michael okay if you don't get it right I'm gonna go to the fucking

royal art gallery okay I'm gonna get a Mona Lisa fucking peel it off the wall and smash it over your head like a fucking rotten cucumber sandwich okay that made no sense at all.

Yeah, well, what are you with you? You know what? Oh, God. How much have you been drinking, George? It's George Michael Michael. How many times you have to fight tell you? I've got two names. You put him to get it.

George Michael. Why don't you go eat a fucking palm tree with your ass cheeks? Look. I don't even know why I take... Did you just tell me to eat a palm tree with my ass cheeks? You heard me, all, and what? You got waxing your ears over there in the United States of America. In the what?

The United States of America. That's what I said, Alan, hello. All right, so what do you... Your fragrance? Midnight testicles. Midnight testicles didn't work. Come, you gotta be kidding me, man. Well, he really smelt nice.

Have you ever been in a locker room, Arland, after all the boys have had a shower and left the dirty towels on the ground and left the slippers on? No, I haven't. Well, if you let me finish and then some of them rub the dirty nutbag on the wall and the shower, all.

Okay. What is wrong? with you, man? Oh, I'm not allowed to make a regular, fucking living, selling my personal fragrance, midnight testicles. So it went out of business, so why are we talking? If midnight testicles, Holland, what, the cat got your tongue?

You can't say midnight testicles, eh? No, I really don't want to. Uh, well, what's the matter, all? A couple of midnight testicles too good for you, then? Well, if, if midnight testicles is out of business, Yeah. Then what are we talking about? I thought to tell you, I got into, uh, I got into some other line of business.

Hang on, I said, I need a drink, all then. You don't need a drink, you, is he drinking? Sounds like he's chugging. What is he doing? That's a lot better, Holland. Kind of calms me, kinds of calms me, it calms me, it calms me down. Kind of calms you down a little? Yes, that's it, Harley.

Thank you for that. Have you got the hiccups, George? You know what? I think I told you about five fucking minutes ago. All right. It's charge fucking Michael! All right? If you're sitting down at the dinner table, do you have a salt and pepper shaker? Or do you just have a salt shaker?

I don't know. You get you out both. That's right. You got a salt and you got a pepper shaker. That's like my fucking name. And then you got George, and then you got fucking Michael, salt and pepper. All right, settle down. Well, you settled down on a fence post.

Okay, watch it. Where are we going with this? I won't tell you about my new product since midnight testicles didn't work out so well. Okay, what is it? I got to go. Well, I got into the tea business, Harlan. You know everyone's drinking coffee in the Starbucks and whatnot? Yes, I know.

So you got into the tea game? That's right, Harlan. I got my own line of celebrity tea. Okay, and what's that called? It's called George Michael's Tea Bags. Say that again. It's called. George Michael's

tea bags George Michael's tea bags that's right some of them are lemon George Michael's lemon tea bags sounds good

and some of them have nuts in those George Michael's nutty tea bags George Michael's nutty tea bags hey that's right if you got a problem with it

Holland I'm not allowed to make a funny living after me pop and wham fucking slam the door on me yes you can make a living but it's just highly unusual giving the nature of

your status in the world and some of the notorious things you've done Michael George Michael why don't if you don't get it right I'm going to come over there okay with a

fucking laptop computer, okay? I'm going to put fucking marmalade on your ass cheeks and slam it in my fucking computer. George fucking Michael. You have got to take it easy. Yeah, well you've got to go

while you go eat a beach ball. So you got you got George Michael's tea bags with lemon. That's right. And some of them have nuts in them. That's right. George Michael's nutty tea bags, Arlen. Okay, and I'm guessing pretty standard. You put it in hot water. You let it steep.

Well, here's what you do, Arlen, because it's an organic element to my tea bags. Meaning? Well, there's like lemon and nut oil and things like that in them. Okay. So they serve like a dual purpose, Arlen. Well, what does that mean? It means with a normal tea bag, right? You take it out the hot water after it's steeped.

Okay. And you throw it in the garbage or you put it in the hamper, whatever. You dump it in the sink. Yes, that's what we do. Well, because of the organic quality of my tea, it's good for the skin, you see, Y'allin. Okay. So after your tea bag steep, instead of throwing it in the gum, garbage, you take the tea bag out and put it on your forehead.

Are you telling me you take George Michael's tea bags and put them on your forehead? So you can scoop for your skin or you can put them on the bridge of your nose, or over your upper lip, or just anywhere on your face, you can rest George Michael's tea bag. telling me to put George Michael's tea bag on my face. That's right. Levin or Nutty, Arland? You know what? I don't want any

of George Michael's tea bag on my face. Oh, what? You don't like tea? No, what I don't like is... Easy, easy, Arland. You and your little attitude all the way over there with the United...

What are you saying? I'm saying, I live in the United Kingdom. Right? Yes? And you live in the United Oh, man. Look. It's bad enough you call here,

and now you're calling completely hammered. I'm celebrating my tea bag, darling. Why can't you celebrate my tea bag with me? Because I didn't use midnight testicles, and I'm not about to use your tea bags. Oh, look at you. Oh, hi and mighty. What are you?

Wash your mouth out with listerine. What does that even mean? Uh, whatever. Now, let me tell you about my other venture. No, no, no, no. We were out of time, uh, George Michael. Oh, look at you getting my name right. Thank you, Arlen.

You're welcome, George. It's George. It's George, fucking Michael. I hope a fucking albino gorilla gets out of the fighting jungle, Pills you like a banana and eat your fucking face off. Okay, Roger, hang up on him. This guy's hammered. Listen to that.

Hang up on him. I'm just having a little nip, Paul, then. Come on over the United Kingdom. Have one of George Michael's tea bags. Hang up on him. Come on him in a tea bag, all. George Michael's lemon. Do we lose him?

What the hell? Where'd he go? We lost him. Good. Thank God. Don't put him back through, Roger. Don't you dare. I do not want that guy called.

Turn the music off. Hey, everybody. Who wants to have better sex? No? Yes. The answer is yes. You always want to have better sex. That's what you want to.

to be better, not worse, trust me. And Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item plus free shipping. And more than that, Adam and Eve wants to make your life easy. They offer discrete shipping as your privacy is a priority. Plus 100% free shipping on your entire order. Doesn't matter how much you spend or what you buy, all will be packaged and sent discreetly for free and fast. Don't wait. Better Sex is just a click away that's 50% off, one item, and free shipping. Bring more pleasure and satisfaction into your bedroom. Just go to Adam and Eve.com and select any one item. It could be an adventurous new toy or anything you desire. Just enter the offer code Harland to check out. That's Harland, H-A-R-L-A-N-D at

Adam and Eve.com. This is an exclusive offer specific to this podcast. So be sure to use this code Harland so you get your discount and 100% free shipping code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. You know what? I need to calm down. We're going, I need a drink. Let's go to a commercial, folks. I apologize for that drunken rampage. We'll be right back. Roger. This is Eddie. He wants to party. But they just hang up. Hello? Hi, how's it going, man? Not too bad.

Awesome, it's Eddie calling. It's going to see if you wanted to throw down a barbecue today or something. No, thanks. Got some outrageous ribs and some fresh corn on the cob and stuff. Yeah, that's good. Throw back some hynichens and some Budweisers and stuff, or... Yeah, no thanks. Um, got chicken breasts if you're into that.

Okay, thanks. Bye. Wait a minute. What the hell? What the hell? That was Eddie. He wants to party. But they just hang up.

Shh. S. I just shushed you. How about that? How does that make you feel pavement pounders? Shhh. sh sh sh shh you've just been shushed is that what it's called is that even a word shushed

have you ever been shushed before have you ever shushed somebody it's such a weird weird thing isn't it it's like it's like you're making a noise like a vacuum or something or you're like a snake you tell all of a sudden you turn into a Spitting Cobra. Sh, shh, shh. Or you're like an angry house cat.

You've been shushed. And, you know, it's funny. It's got its own word. In fact, you know what? I'm going to go into the dictionary right now. Well, we're on the podcast here. Well, we're rolling down the Harland Highway. I know it's not right.

You shouldn't dictionary and drive at the same time. but I'm going to do it Here I go S-H-U-S-H-E-D Shushed Well, they got Shush Shosh

Says Exclamation Be quiet in quotes Shush Do you want to wake everyone? How about

more like this should read Shush Do you mind shutting the fuck up I'm trying to watch the movie asshole

That's what the thing should be in there. Let's see, noun, an utterance of shush. The thumps were followed by shushes from the ants. What? What? What?

The thumps were followed by sheshs from the ants. What were the ants doing? Ants spelled A-U-N-T-S. So I guess a bunch of ants were sitting around knitting or something and somebody fell down the stairs. Here's the second explanation. A soft swishing or rustling Sound Verb to tell or signal

someone to be silent She shushed him with a wave I don't know if you have that's more like talk to the hand Shush is from the mouth Shhh Become or remain silent Here's another explanation Beth told her to shush

Okay that's more like it Uh, and then last one here, it's become or, uh, no, chiefly move with or make a soft swishing or rustling sound. I stood to watch a big liner shushing slowly past. And that's a noun shushing. She could hear the gentle shushing of the waves. Excuse me, is that ocean telling me to shut up? Don't tell me to shut up, Ocean. Shh.

Don't you tell me to shut my mouth, Caspian Sea? Shr screw you, Atlantic Ocean. Shhh! Up yours, Mediterranean Sea. No, this is getting carried away. The reason I'm bringing it up is last night I shush someone. I was at a movie. I went to see this horrible movie, Hercules, with the Rock.

And you're going, yeah, Harland, it's right there in the title, Hercules with the Rock, guaranteed horrible. But I'm a sucker for all those old mythology movies, the Jason and the Argonauts and the Adventures at Sinbad, and unfortunately, Hercules had none of that crap. It was just, you know, the Rock's big, big, vainy arms and stretch-marked shoulders. He's one of those muscle guys who They say when you take steroids You can get like back knee Or you can get stretch marks And I don't know for sure if this guy took

You know steroids or whatever It's probably likely But it's funny they didn't put makeup But right where his armpits meet his shoulders There's these great big disgusting Stretch marks Like his armpits gave birth to children or something Ugh

It's like, hey, Rock, you know, you went to all this trouble to work out. You might want to put a little foundation on your stretch marks there, guy. I don't know that Hercules should have stretch marks. So anyways, I'm at this movie. I'm with a friend, and behind us, there's a couple. I think they were like Filipino or Indonesian or something, kind of of the Asian persuasion, but didn't look Japanese or Chinese, more kind of that darker kind of beautiful brownish skin but still Asian so I'm thinking like

Thai or something like that but and I don't mind people occasionally leaning over and you know hey what what did what do you say oh my god look at that look at that car flipping over you know little whispers or checking in with each other that's tolerable but these two were sitting behind us like as if they were at Starbucks talking about the weather like oh yeah We're going to go later on. We go look at new cars. And, yeah, we go get some, we go, go Christmas shopping in December. Like just talking at a normal volume.

And I'm like, in my head, I'm like, gang, there's people all around you paid to see a movie. So I put up with this for about maybe two minutes. And then I just turned around. I was like, shh. The guy was like, don't you tell me to be. quiet uh black sea don't don't you tell me to be quiet uh indian ocean who do you who do you think you are who do you think you are the the the red sea or something i'll tell you what you are funny guy you're going to be dead sea if you don't turn around on my own business no but they shut up

right after that you know i'm a pretty big guy i'm like almost six two I'm an imposing figure. You know, you know, me. I look like, you know, I look like the rock. I'm like the rock with no chin. Yeah, right. But no, they got the message and they were silent as mice for the rest of the movie. But sadly, the movie was so bad, I think I would have rather heard them back there.

Oh, we're going to go Christmas shopping. And then we're going to build a long cabin out by the lake. Yeah. So it's just a weird thing to shush someone, to totally, like, tell someone to stop communicating, to stop, you know, stop all their acts. It's like that guy, the dog whisperer. You ever seen this guy, Caesar Milano on National Geographic? He's the dog whisperer. And all he really does is shush dogs.

Like, if a dog starts moving, he gets his hand, he goes, shh. Dog comes near him. Shh. dog starts to go somewhere he's not supposed to shh shh and believe me that works man I used to do that with my cat

I used to have a pet cat never said anything to it it was all just I would just make these noises and the cat knew how to respond to the kind of the tone and how I articulated the shh

sometimes I drag it out sometimes it's real quick like I do all these she must have thought my cat must have thought she was living with a commoto dragon or something so I guess you can use shushing as a type of language maybe it seems like animals respond to

being shushed but anyways it's weird you never know what the reaction's going to be Because in this day and age, man, you can shush someone, especially living in the United States. I hate to say it, it's a sign of our times, but you can shush someone. It's like, shh! Ah! Sh!

Sh! Sh! Yeah, that's right. You're dead, man. People will shoot you for hunking at them, for shushing them in a movie theater. So I don't know if you have any crazy shing stories. I want to hear. hear them feel free to call me 323 739 43330 and tell me if you've ever shed someone and it led to trouble

or it did your shushing went wrong what you're shushing went off the tracks and that's all i'm going to say about it i think i've been going on about it too long so what i'm going to do right now and i don't even know if you can do this, but I'm going to shush myself, so I shut up and stop talking about it. So if you don't, I don't know if this will work or not, but I'm going to try it. So if you don't hear me talking after I shush myself, just know that I didn't die or I didn't drive off a cliff. I shushed myself and it worked, and I can't talk. So here we go. Three, two, one. This is Eddie He wants to party

But they just hang up Hey, how's it going? It's gone Awesome, uh, it's Eddie, Collie Pardon me? Uh, it's Eddie, Collie? Doty? No, uh, Eddie.

Ed? Yeah. Yeah. Gonna see if you, uh, wonder, uh, do a barbecue today or something it's real nice out uh we have the festival at church oh well do you have time to squeeze in a little barbecue i got some outrageous ribs we could slap around we have to be at the church at 3 30 there's no way but thank you uh what about afterwards maybe we could power slam the ribs and get some cobs of corn and stuff or the festival's till 11 well

how about tomorrow you got uh sunday open for we we we We still have festival tomorrow. It's all weekend. It's St. Ferdinus Festival. Oh, okay. Yeah. Is there barbecue over there? Yeah, there is today.

They're having a barbecue chicken and corn. Maybe I could come by and slap some of my ribs down and stuff. Would that be awesome to see you? Come see us in the bingo. Okay, great. I really appreciate that. Okay, we'll see you later on. Okay, thank.

Just look for Eddie. Okay. Okay, thanks, Amelia. I appreciate it. Sure. Wow Eddie Finally a barbecue

Hello I'm gonna I'm gonna finally do a Someone wants to barbecue It's Eddie Hello I forgot to get the address Hello

I thought Where is it What festival I forgot to Oh Oh shit That was Eddie He wants to party

But they just hang up Hello Hello Hey Harland, it's McGee, baby I want to hear some more George Martin, please Thank you George Martin Who the hell's George Martin

Do you know George Martin is Roger? Who the hell is George Martin? I don't know I don't know either I think he probably meant George Michael And uh... hell no Hell no, are we not having more of him? We just had a whole...

I think I used up half the podcast, man. You know, I have so many important things to deal with, to talk about, the world's out of order. There's social issues, there's personal issues. There's psychological issues we all need... These things need to be talked about. And I'll be damned if... I don't want that guy ever to phone back in George,

George Martin, Austin Martin, Dean Martin, Pine Martin, I don't care who it is, my favorite Martin, I don't want Curious George, I don't want George of the jungle, I don't want Curious George Michael of the Jungle, or I should say Curious, by Curious George of the, whatever. No, no, no, no, McGee. What's your name? McGee, baby. Okay, McGee, baby. Wow. No, there'll be no George Martin. And we're at the end of the show. Like I said, that doorknob used it all up.

So I'm sorry, McGee, baby. There's no George Martin. If it was George Michael you were hoping for, you had him. That was a giant dose. And maybe you like them, but nobody else does, especially me. What a waste. Midnight testicles. George Michael's tea bag.

Are you kidding me? Oh, boy. One of these days I'm just going to have a normal podcast. Let's wrap it up. Before I go, remember, if you want to write to me, you can write to me at harlandhlinwiliams.com. There's a little switch there, a little whatever it's called. A little link where you can click and write to me.

Or if you're like our friend, uh... McGee, baby. Maggie, baby, you can call. Um, if you want to leave a message or a request or a comment or, you know, spew some venom. Whatever you want. It's just an answering machine. You don't have to talk to anyone. You can just leave whatever you want on there.

Doesn't mean it'll be played, but I get a lot of messages, so I just kind of pick the ones that kind of somehow jump out at me. The number's 323-739-4330. I would love to hear from you guys. Don't forget to share your shh stories with us. I want to see if that led to any trouble with anybody. And don't make them up. Just real ones, please. We don't want any like, oh, yeah, I shushed a guy,

and he turned out to be a serial killer and scalp me. Yeah, okay. So, yeah, write or call harlomwilandwilms.com. If you can't remember the number, the number is at the website, harlomwilliams.com. While you're there, check out the harlomwilms.com merchandise store for all your funny goodies. There's also an Amazon link there. If you want to shop on Amazon, please go through my website and click on the Amazon link. And we get a little tiny, tiny kickback, which is really the only money that ever comes through this podcast.

But, you know, every little bit helps. Also, join my YouTube channel There's going to be a lot of fun videos coming your way They're free, there's no hook, there's no catch You just click and subscribe to my YouTube channel Right there at Harlan Williams.com And you'll be the first to see my nutty videos And let's talk about my comedy tour, man

Oh yeah, that's getting kicked off here We're coming sadly to the end of the summer Which I don't like But you know, that means I get back to work in the fall. So starting August 28th through the 31st, I will be in Virginia Beach at the Funny Bone Comedy Club. All my peeps were fans of the movie I did Down Periscope.

Come on out. I know all the guys in the military down there. I always love it when I come to Virginia Beach. So look forward to seeing all you cats. And then September, September 11th to the 14th, I'll be at the House of Comedy in Phoenix. Arizona, brand new club. I'm doing the opening weekend. What an honor. What a treat. It's going to be a lot of fun. I'll be at Wise Guys in Utah, Salt Lake City, Odgan, Utah. That's going to be September 19th to the 20th.

And then in mid-September, September 23rd, I kick off my Comzilla comedy tour across Western Canada, Victoria, Prince Albert, Vancouver. Calgary, Regina, Saskatoon, just doing the western part of Canada. Hopefully get over to the other side later next year. And it's going to be fun, man. It is going to be fun. So you can get your tickets. We're going to be playing mostly theaters,

a few clubs, but mostly theaters. It's going to be amazing. So get your tickets at Harlan Williams.com. Get them now. Don't wait because inevitably, you wait. and guess what, you don't get the seat you want or you don't get a seat at all. So they are moving fast, so get on board the Comzilla comedy tour destroying your city with laughter. Don't forget to check out all thingscom.com.

That is a website where you can also find my podcast as a podcast network. And I think that's it. I think we got through it. Oh, my gosh. So I hope you had a good time. Again, sorry for George Michael using up so much of the show. What a pain. But we'll be back next time with more interesting topics and stuff.

And until that time, chicken chowmaine, baby. McGee, baby. Thank you.