The Harland Highway - 604 - Dr. Ascot returns, Breaking shit on day 1, A CALM thereapist calls in.

Episode Date: August 28, 2014

Dr. Ascot returns with insights about depression. Have you ever broken something the first day you had it? Phone calls from the Pavement Pounders. A CALM ENERGY expert calls into the show. Dot my eyes!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Oh, hi, everybody. It's me, Harland Williams. Welcome to the podcast with the most attitude in the world. No, we don't have any attitude here. Our attitude is, have fun, have a laugh. Put a smile on your face here at the Harland Highway. Thanks for being here, gang. We have a good, good, good, wacky show for you today. We have a specialist here. who, as the world keeps churning and, you know, violence and civil unrest seem to be popping up everywhere. We have a psychologist here who wrote a book who's going to be talking about how we can calm ourselves and mellow out during these turbulent times.

So he'll be speaking to us during the show here today. We're going to be talking about how many of you have broken something on the first day you bought it? Happened to me. Man, am I pissed off about it? An expensive item that just went on the very first time I tried to use it. I'm sure you have some stories you can tell, too. Also, we're taking some calls from the pavement pounders, and then I've heard a rumor that Dr. Ascot might be here, which I'm never happy about, but I'm happy you're here.

So let's have some fun. Here we go. This is the Harland Highway. You're listening to Harlan Williams. Harlan. Funny stuff, bro. Funny stuff. Keep it coming. Later. How long have you had this job? Long enough. He's fine as long as he gets his medication.

He doesn't get his medications. He's not fine. You just made a wrong turn. On to the Harland Highway. You're a groovy boy. I'd like to strap you on sometime. The Harland Highway. experience intense mental physical strength all right hold tight on the harland highway show don't be doing i'll do it i swear to god don't be such a fucking pussy

remember around here ain't you what's your name you're listening to harland williams welcome to the harland highway what's that roger okay so roger uh just has hey folks Welcome to the show, first of all. Roger just told me we're opening the show with a guest. I guess, you know, this is a specialist in the field, a psychologist who's, I guess, studied, I don't know. Why don't we just throw them on? This guy's about, like, calming people down in these turbulent times. We've got all kinds of unrest and blah, blah, blah.

All right, I'll get into it. I'll get into a... Is he here? Roger, hello, I'm talking to you. Roger, hello. Is he here? Okay, so we got him on the line, Roger? Okay, good.

Let's talk to Mordecai... Crafste? That's Mordecai... A Krapistar. Mordecai Krapistar. Yes. Okay, it's just a weird spelling. It looks, I hate to bastardize your name, Mordecai,

but it looks like Mordecai Craptain? It's Mordecai Krepster. Okay, great. Well, it's great to have you on the show, sir. It's great to be here, thank you. You are a psychologist with several degrees in psychologists, A specialist in the field of, I guess it's channeling the inner core, the inner spirit, the inner... The inner child, your inner station, your inner lighthouse, your inner merry ground, if you will, Mr. Williams?

Well, okay. I guess we all have that inside of us, of course. Yes, we do, going round and around, or... shining through a foggy, foggy night. I'm sorry, if you could just raise your voice a little Mordecai. I'm having trouble hearing you a little bit. Well, this is how I, to force, I choose to keep my energy very low and very centered. Okay, I guess I'll try and adjust my earphones here a bit. So we had you on today because there's a lot of unrest in the world.

There's a lot of turmoil. I mean, there's racial tension, there's rioting. There's, these are domestic issues. There's international issues with, you know, warring sanctions over in the Middle East. Russia and the Ukraine. I mean, it's just a very turbulent time everywhere, it seems. Yes, and that's why we really have to learn to, get a sense of self, get into our inner car, and just get quiet, get really quiet, and get inside.

I'm sorry, sir, if you could just speak up a little bit. I don't talk loud. I'm sure you've heard of my book. Yes, you've written a very popular book. Your book is titled, Shhh. That's right, yes. Shhh. And it's about meditation. It's about unlocking the secrets to longevity

so that we can lower our blood pressure, lower the everyday stresses that infiltrate our lives and grind us down, wear us down, take us down. Sir, if you could, I get what you're trying to do. If you could just raise the volume a little bit. I don't, I don't talk loud, okay?

I'm sorry, it seemed like you got a little bit loud right there. I don't get loud. Tell us about the book then, if you can, and if you could just speak up a little. I'm not, but I'm not speaking up. The book is, it's a book. about finding that quiet spot, that very quiet spot inside of you. And we can get in here.

They need to know everything you want. Everything. You know, it's really. Okay. Mordecai craps stain. Crap is crap. We can't hear you, sir. We appreciate you talking about the need to be quiet and get centered, but there's

also. need to communicate here. Well, I don't think that you should be telling me how to... Can we talk about your wife, or should I say your ex-wife, Eloise Crappstein? That's a crappy stand. Crappy Stan, I'm sorry. That's okay.

She wrote a book as well. I guess she worked in the same field as... you. That's where you two met. And she wrote a book called Turn Down the Noise, Flash Pop, Your Life. Well, I'm not really here to talk about my wife's literature. I'm here to talk about what I do. And what you really need to do is... Yes, but your wife's book seemed to, it looks like it's been 17 weeks on the New York Times bestseller list. Well, I'm really not here to endorse. and it looks like she won a Pulitzer Prize for her literature that really seems to be changing the way people think about

I'm not here to talk about my wife sir I'm sorry I'm not really here to talk about my ex-wife's book I'm here to talk about Yes, but apparently your wife, your ex-wife gave a TED talk recently that had people at the end of it just on their feet. Apparently, some of the things she said, I am not here to talk about my wife. Now, if we could just get back to shh-sh. And an honorary degree in literature.

and the Governor General's Award, sir, for your ex-wife? Look, asshole, I'm not here. They're talking about my fucking-act wife. Okay? She whipped me off. She sucks crap of a poor guts. Stupid son of my dick. Sir!

Sir! If you could just calm down, I don't think... Fuck you, buddy. Whoa, Roger. What the hell's with that guy? What'd I do? Mordecai craps... Crapstic...

Crapis... Caspadian? He's gone? Wow, what a hot hat. Okay, fine. I guess we lost our guest. Let's move on. Wow. So much for... Shh.

Yeah, let's move on. Let's go to a topic that I think we can all relate to here. And I want to hear your stories because I know it's happened to each and every one of you listening. How many of you have made a purchase or, you know, I don't know, tried something for the first time or bought a consumer product? and the very first time you go to use it, you wreck it. Like, how many of you have ever just bought a new car, and the first day you're driving it, you scrape it, or you smash it into something.

Or you buy a new bike, or you get a brand new appliance in the house, and on day one you scratch the paint on it. Or, you know, you just bought a new something or other, and you get home and you just take it out of the box and you drop it. Or it's been in your house like a day or two and you knock it over. You know, or you bought your cell phone, your brand new $700 iPhone, and on day one, day two, you drop it and it breaks or you drop it in the toilet. Yeah.

I want to hear those stories because as much as I hate to admit it, this happened to me. I got one of those GoPro cameras. I got it because I specifically got it because I wanted to film underwater. Okay, I thought, oh man, how cool to go underwater and film like sea life. You know, maybe you catch a dolphin or a shark or you catch a stingray or a giant fish or you, who knows what you'll see underwater? That's like a fantasy land, right, underwater? So I bought a GoPro, and it's like, not only that, but it was something new.

It was like, man, I've never filmed underwater before. This will be fun. I'm like Jacques Cousteau. I'm like, I'm like some kind of new age, like underwater, like Seaharts photographer, man. Like, guess what I did this week on everybody? Raise your glass of red wine. Um, hello. I was filming underwater.

Water, Elkai. I'm sure all you people have filmed up on land, but someone at this dinner party, hello, filmed underwater. That would be moa. Yeah, so it was something cool, something different. And so, you know, I tried this little rig out in a swimming pool. I was, you know, before I go out into the ocean,

before I screw it all up, I'll try it in a swimming pool. So, you know, I put it all together. I had a buddy helped me kind of show me how to work it. And sure enough, I go in the swimming pool and I'm like, yes, I, you know, I took some shots of me swimming just to see what it looked like. And I was like, oh, man, it looks incredible. It looked amazing. So, like, a few days later, I had a trip planned. I went down to Florida and I'm so excited.

I'm like, oh, man, I mounted the GoPro on the end of a pole so that I could, like, push it into things. Like, if I saw a fish down on the bottom, I could push the pole at it, you know? Because, you know, your arms only have so much reach. So I had, like, about a five-foot pole that I had to work with. And I mounted the GoPro on it, and I put the casing. And here's where it got funky, okay? When you've got an underwater camera, you have to put this water,

tight plastic casing around the camera. Obviously, you can't just put a camera under water. But GoPro kind of made this casing where it's kind of got a real funky latch. Like the latch is like it's not like any latch you've ever seen. It kind of folds in and then back and then down and then you have to press it and clip it. and it's just this funky latch like it's kind of something you're not used to and it's kind of constructed,

it's engineered so that it's a bit awkward and a bit odd. So here I go. I'm trucking down to the ocean. I got my camera mounted on my pole. You know, I got my flippers on. I got my mask sitting on top of my head. Standing there knee deep in the ocean.

and I've got my camera all like packed up. I'm mounted on the pole. And I step out into the, I'm standing in the water. I'm kind of walking backwards, getting in a little deeper so I can start swimming with my fins. And I look down at my GoPro on the end of my stick. And I see that the plastic casing is like sitting open. Like an open egg carton.

And I'm like, Uh-oh, and I realized I've already, like, been wiggling the stick around under water, and I'm like, whoa, I'm lucky the GoPro didn't drop right out. But right away, I'm thinking, oh, man. I realized that the actual GoPro without the case was submerged in salt water. And so part of me is thinking, oh, it's cool, you know, the casing is just, like, extra protection. The camera's waterproof. Okay, why would they make a camera that wasn't waterproof to go on the water?

You know, the casing's just like bonus protection. It's like, it's like, you know, wearing a bulletproof vest. Wrong. So my very first time into the ocean, submerged the camera, the casing's open. My camera's like completely useless. I go up after I get out of the ocean. I'm already pissed off. I'm swimming around pissed off

underwater, cursing at sea urchins and shrimp and catfish and moray eels. You're just a stupid, go-prone. Fuck, I made a big starfish, made a fucking sea horse following gray-white shark. You know, I'm just cursing up a storm, yelling at all the sea creatures. You've got a fucking jellyfish fucking ass, you know, just going off.

Kind of ruined my swim a little bit, right? Hey, everybody, who wants to have better sex? No, yes, yes. The answer is yes. You always want to have better sex. That's what, you want it to be better, not worse. Trust me. And Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item plus free shipping.

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room. Just go to Adam and Eve.com and select any one item. It could be an adventurous new toy or anything you desire. Just enter the offer code Harland to check out. That's Harland, H-A-R-L-A-N-D at Adam and Eve.com. This is an exclusive offer specific to this podcast. So be sure to use this code Harland so you get your discount and 100% free shipping code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. And so I finished my swim, didn't really ruin it. I was like, what are you going to do? Once something goes wrong, what are you going to fret about it all day?

Once it's done, it's done. You can't undo it. But in the back of my head, I'm thinking, oh, it'll still work. It'll still work. So after I got out of the ocean, I took my GoPro up to my computer, and I plugged it in. And hallelujah, I was like, peep, beep, beep. The little red light came on. I was like, whew, it worked.

And then, of course, you know, cut to like three minutes later. Dead. Gone. I'm like, man, I didn't even get to use it once. I didn't take one frame of film with my underwater GoPro. So Harlan, tell us about your underwater camera event. Could you show us some of your underwater. action-adventure footage that you've been telling us about, Harlan?

Um, yeah, I, uh, uh, oh, I got my camera wet and got destroyed and I didn't take a frame of film. Oh, well, I guess that just makes you one of us land photographers then for now, doesn't it, Harland? Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, can I grab your inner thigh? Whoa, what was that part? Easy. easy lana del ray um so anyways man these these gopro cameras aren't cheap these things are like 300 400 bucks i you know i got the one with the special casing and you can add the lcd screen on it and that's fried as well and that thing was like an extra 150 200 bucks

so a it sucks that i i fried my camera which you know No one wants to do, but B, a double sucks that I never, ever shot one frame of underwater ocean footage. I'm almost like, man, if I had just had like a year or four months or even a month with my camera and I got a bunch of footage, I'd be like, all right, at least I got something. Nothing. I didn't even get a fish scale or a, the size, a minnow. I didn't even get a bubble Nothing Oh it's so aggravating

So maddening You know and it's like no big thing Nobody died You can always go get another GoPro But man that's like it's expensive And you're just pissed and you go Oh man that stupid latch And then of course once I got up on

On land and I started fiddling around With the latch I went oh This is how you close it click Okay I don't didn't do this this is how you're supposed to do it before you fry your camera underwater oh harland we're so sorry can i grab you so anyways man i want to hear if you have stories where you because i need to feel better okay i i feel like a dupus i feel like an ass i feel like a moron Idiot, and I can't be alone in this space.

I can't be here. It's too lonely, and it's, it, I can't feel isolated this way. I can't be the only one. So I need you guys to call in and comfort me with your true stories. Don't make stuff up. I can tell when you make it up. I need to hear your true stories of you wrecking something or messing something up within the first day, or two of getting it.

That's your homework. I need to hear from you pavement bounders. Don't leave me alone in this empty cold, dark space. I don't know if I can take it. So write me, you can write me at harlomwilums.com, or better yet, I'd rather hear from you, because I want to hear the frustration and the pain and the misery in your voice,

the way you're hearing it in mine. 323 739, 43330, 3233, 323739, 43330. Tell me about the day you fried your iPad or your laptop or your new car or you burnt down your new house. I know you've all got a story. I need to hear them. So call in, share, and let's all just sit around in a circle, and it'll be like group therapy.

We'll hold hands and we'll tell stories about how stupid we are. Harlan, I'd still love to rub your inner thigh. Stop it. Who is that guy? Doesn't matter. I just want your inner thigh with those corduroy pants. Anyhow. So there you go. Yeah, call me. Pavement Pounders 3-2-3-739-40-3-30. Damien!

Damien! Damien! Look at me! I'm over here! Damien, I love you! Look at me, Damien! It's all for you! Hello!

Hello? Hey, Harlan, this is Nate calling from Sacramento, California. Been a fan of you ever since I saw you on Space Coast Coast to Coast back in the 90s, and you asked him if he had ever rubbed the bar soap on his grandmother's forehead. And ever since I saw that episode, man, I've been checking you out, and you're hilarious, man. Anyway, I'm turning in my homework a little late. I hope I get some credit for this. You asked last week if there's any weird things in our house that you don't know where we got it from.

And I found something in the back of my armoire. I was clean out my armoire the other day. And all the way tucked in the back was a recipe for soy and ginger marinated pork chops. It's from a magazine. It looks like it was torn out of a Martha Stewart living. magazine dated September 2011 and I'm just like

what like just like you I don't cook I mean I can cook pasta and like macaroni cheese that's it but like soy and ginger

marionated pork chops I don't know where I got this from I don't know how it got in my art more and it was weird so yes weird recipe tucked in the back

of like next to some clothes anyway Hopefully, hopefully that helps. Hopefully, to play this on the podcast if you want. Hopefully that helps. I'll get some credit for it. Please pass me. Anyway, I'll, uh, thanks, thanks for listening and, uh, keep doing the podcast, man,

because it's awesome. Anyway, later. See, there you go. Nate gets it. Uh, a few podcasts back a while ago, I'd asked, I'd asked you guys, you pavement pounders, if you'd ever found anything weird in your house, or in your garage or in your car, whatever, and you couldn't explain where it came from.

It was just there. And you're like, wait, where did this come from? Who, whose is this? What is this doing in my home? I don't remember buying this. What? What? What?

So that's how it works, man. And that was a great call. Thank you, buddy. Great to hear. Very strange. A recipe for soy ginger pork chops or something. The only thing weirder is if you actually had found a plate of soy ginger pork chops in your house and not just a recipe. So that's what I mean about wrecking stuff.

If you've wrecked anything very early on in your ownership or in your possession, just call in like Nate did here. And tell me all about it, man. Thanks for the call, buddy. Hello? Hello? Hi, Harlan. This is Cindy from Portland, Oregon. I had called you a few weeks ago to talk about troubles I was having sleeping,

and I wanted to call and give you an update. Things are going better, but I wanted to share, in particular, one of the things I had done to get some exercise, and that is join both the Dodgeball team and a catch-ball team and a kickball team. And not only does they get me more exercise, which then, of course, is helping me sleep a little bit better, but it's one of those things that makes you feel like a kid again,

like when you drink out of the garden hose. And I just wanted to share that because it just seemed like something you might get a kick out of. So anyway, I hope all is well, and I will keep on listening to you. Take care. Oh, Cindy, Cindy, Cindy. Good for you. Good for you. We had talked a while back.

Cindy had called in and said, is there any way you could help me? I'm having trouble sleeping. And so I recommended a bunch of things. And one of the things I said that really helps you sleep better at night is if you start to do a daily exercise routine. If you get any kind of physical activity, whether it's going to the gym or playing tennis or whatever.

And it sounds like Cindy took that advice to hard. and joined a kickball team and got into some dodgeball and some very violent sports, which is sure to help you fall asleep at night. So good for you. I'm glad you're sleeping better. And I also like the little add-on you put in your call about it. It kind of helped you make you feel like a kid again. And I think part of that comes from, part of it comes from actually getting involved in the activity.

and playing a game or a sport that you played when you were younger. But also I believe that when you do exercise, it just euthifies, and I know that's not a word, but it euthifies your body because everything starts moving and pumping, and it releases endorphins and chemicals and all the things that make your body active and alive and tingly and fresh. And I think that adds to kind of the youthful, vibrance that you have because your body is responding to moving and grooving and expending energy

the way you did when you're a kid. So good for you, Cindy, and I hope you have many, many nice, long nights of beautiful, beautiful sleep. Oh! Hello? Hello? Holland, big fan of Florida. That's got to ask you one question. Where the hell is Dr. Eskopf in?

Holland. Hello, Holland. Oh, God. What are you doing here? Holland. What? I didn't even hear you come in. Holland.

Well, I didn't, I mean, I'm doing my podcasts. I didn't hear you that. Roger, did you let him in? Holland, please relax. I am relaxed. I'm just saying, you know, you should probably knock or something before you just walk into my studio, Dr. Ascot. Oh,land. What?

Holland. What do you, what are you doing here? Holland. Stop saying my name like that. God. You seem a little stressed out, Arland. Well, I was doing real good, Ascot. Real, real good.

You suddenly appeared like a creepy ghost out of the attic of... What are those cranberry colored socks? Yes, Holland, my favorite color, cranberry. Ew. Who to you, Holland? No, ooh to you, Ascott. Holland. And stop saying my name.

Holland. Oh, what do you want? Holland, I was sent up here by your boss, Mr. Featherstone. Oh, brother. Holland, please pay your respects to Mr. Featherstone. No. Oh, and you will get a pink slip, Arlund. Thank you, Mr. Featherstone, like he's even listening.

Holland. What do you want up here? Holland, I know on a recent podcast you were talking about, Depression, Holland. Yes, I was. You know, the poor comedian Robin Williams passed away. way and so I dedicated, you know, a portion of the show to talking about it, yes. Oh, Arland, we certainly don't want depression because you look always depressed. Stop it, I do not.

Holland, I mean seriously, if you looked in the mirror, Arland, look at the crinkles under your face. There are no crinkles under my face. What do you want? Holland, we're going to talk about depression today. I've brought a a couple of examples. What are these boxes you're unloading here? Holland, please be patient. I am patient. You're interrupting my podcast, Ascot. Alan, do you see what I've written on these two boxes?

Yes. What does it say, Holland? One says depression and one box says happiness. That's right, Holland. And those are the two dynamic things we have to deal with as human beings. Sometimes we feel happy. Like when you're not here? Holland.

And sometimes we feel depressed. Oh, you mean like when you are here? Holland. Yes, okay. Happiness, depression, so? So I want you to use these as examples to, Help set your course every day. Use these examples as a compass to remember that happiness is in one box

and depression is in the other box, Arland. You just have to wake up each morning and choose the box. Wait a minute. You're saying the way to overcome depression or to attain happiness is just wake up in the morning and pick a box this is ridiculous not really alland if i open the box oh what are you opening that you're opening the box of happiness exactly allan and do you see what i have pulled out oh what is that a little bunny that's right allan oh my gosh look at the little guy oh my gosh okay i'm not usually a cute and adorable guy but that is adorable he's got a little grape

patch on his head and little beady eyes oh my god you see holland you see the visceral reaction you're having you're actually elated you're experiencing joy you're experiencing true happiness all and these are emotions that we want to stimulate when you start your day so you pick the box mark happiness Alland. You know, maybe, just maybe, you're on to something. Would you like to hold bunny wogglings? Who? Bunny wogglings, Alland.

What kind of name is that? That's the name of the happiness, Bunny, Alland. Bunny one-wonglings? Bunny Wogglings, Holland. That is the dumbest name I've ever heard. don't use that tone in front of bunny wugglings. Give me bunny wogglings. Give me bunny wogglings.

What a dopey name, Arland. Well, it is. You shouldn't be naming things. Holland. And stop saying my name. God, you're annoying. Take bunny woggling's, Arland. Oh my gosh, look at this.

He barely fits in my hand. That's right, Arland. Oh, man, he's, he's snuggling up against my chest. You know, this does, I don't want to say you're right, ask-up, but this is filling me up with happiness and joy. Look at little bunny wogglings. Bunny wogglings. Oh, look, he's staring at me.

He's looking right at me. Look at the way his little nose wiggles around. Oh, la, la, la, la. Yep, look at him, wiggling his nose. Excellent, Arlen. Now, embrace your happiness. Embrace your bunny wogglings. Okay, I'm holding on to my bunny wogglings.

And now I'll open the other box, Holland. Okay, marked. Depression? That's right, Arland. Well, why would you do that? So you can see the difference. What are you pulling out of there? Is that another rabbit?

No, this is a lot bigger, Holland. What the hell is that? This is what we know in the animal kingdom. Holland is a wild bobcat. This is critter cat. Critter cat! That's right, Holland. He represents depression.

Well, I don't know about that. I mean, it's an ominous-looking animal, but it's beautiful. I mean, it is a stunning-looking cat. It's very large, and look at those penetrating. eyes and the intensity. Yes, Sal, and he seems to be staring at you quite intensely. Well, it's a little unnerving. In fact, I don't know that he's staring at me.

He seems to be staring more at Bunny. Whoa! Wow! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my goodness, Oliver. What the hell is it?

Oh, my God. Critter cat just attacked Bunny. funny woggling's oh my goodness allan well it seems to be working what do you mean it's working the difference between depression and happiness all oh my god he just ate and snapped his little head off oh my what's he eating an ear oh my god bunny wugglings how are you feeling right now allan i'm very upset and mad and i'm totally depressed Excellent, Alland. Our little exercise has been a success, Alland. What are you talking about?

You were happy with bunny wogglings, and now you're depressed by Critter Cat. Bunny wugglings and critter cat weren't supposed to eat each other, idiot. Oh, yes, they were, Holland. Wait a minute. Yes. You planned this? You wanted that stupid wild bobcat to use.

Eat bunny wogglings? Absolutely, Holland. I'm a professional therapist. Get out of here! Holland, I haven't finished watching critter cats swallow bunny wogglings. He still has to eat the back legs, which are still kicking, by the way. Oh, my God! Oh, get out of here!

Get out of here, Ascot! You are sick! And take your stupid boxes with you! Before I go, Holland. Yes? Would you like a lucky rabbit's foot? Get out of here! Roger! Holy crap!

Okay, that's it. I'm ending the show right here. No, I'm taking a deep breath. God, I just inhaled some bunny fur. Whoa. And we're ending the show. I can't carry on after that. I am too depressed.

Congratulations, you won Ascot. oh boy um all right let's get out of here we'll do some announcements uh i'm starting my uh my comedy tours around the country i'm kicking off the fall in the winter season right up to the holidays um and uh tonight's the first night of my fall comedy tour in virginia beach uh you can catch me at the funny bone in virginia beach great club over there uh i'll be there tonight August 28th through Sunday, August 31st. It's going to be a fantastic time, a fantastic time. So go online to harlandwilliams.com, and you can go on my stand-up comedy link and go right through and click on there and get your damn tickets to the show, man.

And then let's see, where else am I? Later in the month, September 11th, the next month I should say. September 11th through the 14th, I'll be in Phoenix, Arizona at a brand new comedy club called the House of Comedy. The opening that one for the weekend is going to be amazing, great club. And then the next week, September 19th to 20th, I will be in Utah at Wise Guys Comedy Club. And then mid-September, September 23rd, my Comzilla comedy tour takes off in Western Canada, Victoria, BC, Vancouver, BC, Calgary, Alberta, Regina, Saskatchewan, Prince Albert, Saskatoon, Nanaimo, all kinds of great little theaters and clubs all through the west part of Canada.

So please go to Harlan Williams.com, and you can go to all the land. and get your tickets, baby. Oh, yeah, baby. It's going to be good, man. Also, well, you're at harlomwilms.com. Check out our store, harlomwilms.com merch store, all kinds of fun stuff to buy, to make you laugh. What else?

What else? What else? Click on my YouTube. Click on my YouTube subscription button there at the harlewilmns. dot com page and you'll be the first to get my wacky videos also uh you can write to me at harlom williams dot com or you can call me at 323 7394 330 the number's also at the website if you want to leave a voicemail and abuse me or uh you know kiss my butt or whatever you want to do it's just a voicemail You don't have to talk to anybody, so look forward to hearing from you pavement pounders. Thanks for being here. Tell your friends to get on the Harland Highway.

They're missing all the madness. And also at my site, there's a link to Amazon. If you're doing any shopping on Amazon.com, please go through my website, click on the link, and that throws a little bit of a kickback towards the Harland Highway, which helps. That's it, baby. We are done for today. Watch out for bunny wogglings or critter cat.

Unbelievable. There's blood everywhere in here. But that's it. We're done. Thanks for being your gang. Until next time, chicken. Chalmayne, baby? It's one of those things that makes you feel like a kid again.

Thank you.