The Harland Highway - 613 - The EBOLA VIRUS is spreading. Expiration dates.

Episode Date: October 13, 2014

Dr. Ting Lee from the center for disease Control calls in to give us an Ebola update. A Pavement Pounder calls with words of inspiration. And do you let your friends expire?? Crab cake crack face!!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood. A beautiful day in the neighbor, won't you drive by? Won't you drive by? Please, won't you drive by my neighborhood and shoot my neighbors? Well, that's probably the way it would go if he was still alive in today's world. Welcome to the Harlan Highway, ladies and gurgle-blaggans. I'm Harlan Williams, and this is the Harlan Highway. I want to show we have today, very important show today.

A lot of people upset, worried, concerned about the Ebola virus. It seems that more and more cases are popping up right here in the United States and globally. Real serious stuff. So we'll be going live to the Center for Disease Control to check in with Dr. Ting Lee. He's an expert in the field, one of the top researchers, Ebola researchers at the facility. We talked to him a number of weeks ago when this thing was just getting started and now it's been amped up.

Let's get to the truth on Ebola. So we're going to be talking to Dr. Tingley. Also, we'll be taking a call from one of you pavement pounders, a voicemail call. Hopefully something nice will be said. And we're going to be talking about expiration dates. Not the kind you get on milk and cheese and butter, but the kind you get in your personal life.

Are you ready? Get set, let's go. This is the Harland Highway. You're listening to Harlan Williams. Harlan, funny stuff, bro. Funny stuff. Keep it coming. Later.

How long have you had this job? Long enough. He's fine as long as he gets his medication. He doesn't get his medications. He's not fine. You just made a wrong turn. On to the Harland Highway. You're a groovy boy.

I'd like to strap. you on sometimes the harland highway you're all going to experience intense mental physical strength all right hold tight on the harland highway show don't that be doing i'll do it i'm doing i swear to god don't be such a fucking pussy you're around here ain't you what's your name you're listening to harland williams welcome to the harland highway Welcome to the Harland Highway. And we start the show off on a bit of a somber note here. As you guys have been seeing, this Ebola virus has been, you know, kicking up all over the world globally in Africa.

Now there's people that have slipped through the cracks through security procedures, made it to the United States of America. They're finding people in other countries now. And this Ebola virus is kind of creeping up on us and seems to be getting a little more out of hand, even though the government's downplaying it. And I'm a little bit scared. It's a bit of a scary time. A few weeks back when this Ebola scare surfaced,

we went to the Center for Disease Control in Atlanta. We talked to an expert in the field. A very knowledgeable gentleman, one of the leaders in Ebola research and containment. Dr. Ting Lee was talking to us on the phone. We lost the signal with him, but apparently he's back. And, Roger, if we got him on the line? Yeah, I think it's important. We talk to him and kind of try and get a little bit of, you know,

a little bit of clarity, hopefully quell the sense of panic that seems. to be going along with this scary, uh, possible epidemic outbreak. Uh, he's on. Okay. Uh, Dr. Tingley, welcome to the, uh, Harland Highway, sir. Uh, yes, it's very good to be here, uh, on, on your show. Uh, one more time. Thank you very much. Yes, uh, Dr. Lee. Now, are you at the, uh, are you at the facility right now in Atlanta? Uh, yes, we are at the containment. Um, yes, we are at the containment. facility where we have a special ward for holding area for Ebola patients. Okay, so you're telling me you're at the Center for Disease Control in Atlanta. Yes, that is accurate.

And you've got a special containment, like a holding area for people with the Ebola virus. Is that what you're saying? Yes, it is down the hall. We keep quarantine on Ebola patients, and they all stay together in one place. We monitor them. We are keeping a close look on vital sign. We make sure that they are comfortable and that the Ebola virus do not escape out into general power. So are these people are all in the same room, so to speak?

They're just kind of mingling around? Yes. Once you have Ebola, you cannot get Ebola on top of Ebola. Okay, like a double Ebola type of thing. Yes, that is absolutely correct. Yes, thank you. Okay, so do we need to be scared as a country? I mean, how many people are we talking about in the containment area?

Because the way the media is playing it is that there's, you know, less than half a dozen. Are you telling me there's more? Yes, perhaps the media tally not so accurate. We have two days. We have just over two dozen individuals in containment area. We monitor them very, very closely. and some of them may be in more severe phase of Ebola and some intermediate phase of Ebola virus.

Wow. So the media has it all wrong. The government's not really giving us an accurate count on how many people are affected by this, who are sick who could potentially get out into the public and spread this thing. Well, I'm sorry if I laugh, but the containment area where we keep the Ebola patient very, very secure. They're not coming out.

We have multiple security door. We have security guard. We keep a very, very close eye on each, everyone Ebola patient. Wow, and you're saying this is raid in the building just down the hall from where you are? Yes, as a matter of fact, if you, okay, I walk with the cell phone, and we are walking down toward the Ebola ward right now. Oh, good.

Well, this will be good. So you're going to look through the window, you're going to kind of keep an eye on them. Can you tell us what they're doing? what they look like? Are they laying in bed? Are they... We try to keep Ebola patients stimulated. Very important to keep them focused, alert, awake, to keep their blood moving.

This is the best way we can treat them with antibiotics. And so we go down the hallway and we go inside and we have Ebola-Racarola. Excuse me? We go in, we have what we call Ebola rockerola night. Did you just say Ebola rockerola? Yeah, this is, we do this every third night. Every third night we have to keep Ebola patients stimulated. We do Ebola, rock and roll.

What that? Are you telling me, or you're throwing like a housebe? party for these these people uh we play music we have drinks we socialize we we try to keep their mind from getting foggy and slow down and we have wonderful time like a social like a social yes yeah Ebola rockerolla we come into the door and we go inside right now if you come you listen on phone you come with us wait a minute you're going inside with the What is that music? What is that noise in there?

That is, we're in the middle of, oh, excuse me, hello, Mr. Jackson. Hello. Yes, you're looking very good. Yes. Yes, you look very good. You might want to push your eye back in, yes. Excuse me, I talked to Mr. Jackson. He's one of our earliest patients here in a bowl of rocker.

Excuse me, someone hand me a drink. Yes, yes, a double shot, tequila. Y'all take double shot tequila. Thank you. I'm sorry, hello? Yeah, I, excuse me, Dr. Tingley. Yes. Did I just hear you order a shot?

No, I order double shot tequila. They, hold on one second. Yes, salt around the edges and lemon. A lemon inside. Excuse me, I order double shot. And I socialize. I get close to Ebola patients. We try to sue them.

Wait a minute. Wait, hold on. You're, we've got Ebola patient. You're having a function called Ebola rock and rolla. Yeah, Ebola rock and roll. Hold on a second. We do countdown. Three, two, one.

Oh, my. Goodness, that tequila's so strong. Did you just take the shot? Oh, my goodness. My throat point, give me one second, please. Oh, my goodness. Yes, Mrs. Smith, you put your top back on. You put your top back on, naughty.

You're a naughty little Ebola patient. Oh, my goodness. Mrs. Smith, she takes a top off. Excuse me. Excuse me. Dr. Ting Lee. Is it healthy for you to be in there mingling with Ebola patients at a thing you called Ebola rock and roller?

Oh, it's very good. Hold on, someone. Yeah, I'll take a hit. I'll pass me that. I'll take a hit off that. Thank you. Oh, that's smooth. That's some smooth shit you got there.

Yeah, oh, I like that. Can I have another one? Hang up. Oh, that's some nice smooth shit. What is that, Acapulco? You get that from Acapulco? Oh, that's nice shit, homie. Excuse me.

Doctor, are you taking a hit off a joint? Excuse me. Excuse me. Oh, my goodness, it's such a... I tell you, put your top bag on, you naughty lady. Hang on again Someone hand me a beer Hold on

Yeah, I'll take I chug Okay I chugged I chugged I chugged Is he chugging beer?

I can swear I hear him chugging beer Oh my goodness That Wow, what a fucking rush Excuse me Dr. Tingley Holy fuck

Oh, fucking head spinning all around. Holy fuck. Hey, anyone got any more fucking grass? I light it up in this motherfucker? Dr. Ting Lee, you're on the pocket. What are you doing there? Holy fuck. I'm having a...

This one fuck of the e-bola rock and roller tonight. Woo-hoo! Woo-hoo! Yeah! I go rip this... I go rip this facility, a new asshole. Do want a fucking party. Okay, Roger, I think we got to...

Let's cut away from this. I think something might be going wrong there. Holy fuck, I need... Hello? Hello? I need another shot. Give me another shot at Tequila. How are you?

You're Mr. What's your name? Oh, you're Mr. Davidson? Holy fuck. Look at that. Your gums are bleeding. Yeah, your fucking gums are bleeding. Yeah, you're probably going to die, yeah, probably, you know, two, three days.

Yeah, fuck yeah, I have a tequila shot with you. Fuck yeah, let's light this motherfucker up, huh? Woo! Roger, hang up on this idiot. Woohoo! I'm going to light this motherfucker up. Ebola, rock, and rolla. Hee, he, he, he, he, he.

Roger, okay, Dr. Ting, we're hanging up. We're, hold on. What's he doing? Whoa. Roger. Are you kidding me? We're on the brink of an epidemic, and this guy's... What was that?

He's gone. Get... This is ridiculous. Okay, try and get him back. We need to talk to this idiot. You guys are having a rock and roll. Ebola party. Okay, let us get assembled

here and we'll be back. Call him back, Roger. Hello? Hello. Hey, Arlen, I think you're stupid. Super stupid. You know that? You know what I mean?

Oh, hey, cherry off you underbred. Oh, yeah. Yeah, real original, buddy. Real original. Oh, hey, there's a paper towel, toilet monkey. Oh, hey. You're real original, Harley. I hope this makes you feel bad about you and your life.

I hope it does. It probably won't because you're so successful and popular. You have gorgeous girlfriends, and your life is awesome. So I help you knock on that a little bit. Um, father? Is that you, father? Hey, Arlen, I think you're stupid. Super stupid.

Papa? Is that you, Papa? Oh, hey, there's a paper towel, toilet monkey. Daddy? Daddy, is that you, Daddy? Oh, hey, cherry off you underbread. Oh. Papa?

Where are you, Papa? I can't see you, Daddy. Come out, Papa. Oh. Dada? Where are you, Dada? I can't see you, Papa. I'll just make you so bad about you and your life.

But I love you, Dada. I love you, Papa. Why do you talk to me like that, Dada? Super stupid. Why do you speak like this to me, Papa? You know what I mean? I don't understand, Dada. Oh, hey, cherry off you underbred.

Oh. I don't understand, Papa. I'm scared, Papa. Real original, buddy. Real original. But don't you love me, Dada? Don't you love me? I hope this makes you, Phil. I'm bad about you and your life. No, Papa. No, Papa, I love you. Oh, hey, there's a paper towel, toilet monkey. Oh, hey. What should I do, Papa?

I hope this makes you, Phil. I'm bad about you and your life. I hope it does. I, I, I love you, Papa. Back on our old. Life itself seems lunatic. Who knows where madness lies? Perhaps to be too practical as madness. To surrender dreams, this may be madness. To seek treasure where there is only trash.

Too much sanity may be madness. The maddest of all. To see life as it is and not as it should be. Let's talk about expiration dates, shall we? And I'm not talking about expiration dates on your food, okay? I'm talking about something that's a little more uncomfortable. How many of y'all listening have let a text message or an email or a phone call or whatever expire? You know what I mean?

Somebody texts you or somebody emails you, somebody that you're, you know you're normally pretty good at calling back or texting back and you kind of let it go you go you know what i'll text them like in a couple of days or i'll email them in a couple of days and then and then like those couple of days go by and you go you know what i'll just it's been i'm a little bit over my limit i feel like a bit of a jerk so i'll give it a few more days and then you give it a few more days and a few more days and a few more weeks and a few more months, and suddenly you realize you haven't interacted with that person. You haven't corresponded with that person in, like, months now, maybe three, four, five months.

And you know you're supposed to. You know they're a good friend or they're a good acquaintance or it's a work thing and it's just lingering in the back of your head. Hey, everybody. Who wants to have better sex? No? Yes. Yes. The answer is yes.

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and 100% free shipping code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. But it's one of those things that's kind of casual that you didn't kind of get to. And you're not avoiding the person. You don't dislike the person.

But you just, for whatever reason, they're kind of like someone you know that's always going to be there. There's no urgency. You weren't really texting or calling about anything to, you know, to pending, to, serious. It was more casual, but nonetheless, it's stuck in the back of your head, nagging. Yeah, I know. Me too. Me too. I've done it. And I guess what I'm trying to figure out here is, is what is the cutoff point? What is the expiration date where you just go screw it? and you don't, you don't, uh, you just, you just end it like you don't talk to that person for a long time.

And it's horrible because there's no ill will. There's, there's not like there's been a fight or there's been any bad blood. It's just maybe this person just for whatever reason you weren't in the mood for them or in the zone or, you know, you didn't call them back because you kind of knew you had not much to say or maybe they didn't have much to say. It's kind of weird. It's kind of rude because you're filtering, right? You're presuming. And in your mind, you're probably like, hey, I'm maintaining the friendship.

Everything's cool. We'll be friends forever. But then you don't know if in their mind they're going, that bastard didn't call me back. That bastard didn't text me. Son of a bitch, that bastard. Ah! And then suddenly you go into this next phase where you're like,

You're beyond the expiration date, and you're like, geez, should I, should I call them? I don't know. Should I email them? They're probably, like, pissed out me, you know? I probably, it's probably best I just, like, you know, let it go and maybe one day we'll bump into each other at the mall or something, you know. So it just becomes awkward and weird, but then what happens, and this is the test of an old friend or a good friend or just a casual, long-lasting friend when you finally do make contact. It's like, oh, hey, man, what's going on? How are you doing you?

Hey, listen, sorry. I know I didn't, I know I owed you a phone call or listen. Sorry, I didn't email you back. I've just been running all around. And they're always like, yeah, no problem. That's cool. Or you're like, yeah, cool, man, whatever. Because, you know, in the end, it wasn't that important.

But it's hard living with the guilt. You know, in the old days, it was just, you know, you had a phone. That was your only way of really communicating with someone, unless someone actually sat down and wrote you a letter. Yeah, right. And so you would get your phone message and you kind of looked forward to calling people back because that was really the only way they could reach you,

and if they went to the trouble the phone, you'll leave you a message. It was kind of special. Special. Shee, special. But nowadays, good Lord. Oh, they can email you, they can Snapchat you, they can instant messenger you, they can text you,

they can sext you, they can snail mail you, they can YouTube you, they can Instagram you, they can, oh my God, they can call you, they can, it's just insane. There's just so many ways to get a hold of us now that I think this has become more of a thing where we have to deal with expiration dates in our lives. And it's stressful.

It's stressing me out. That's it. Everybody just stop calling me. I don't want to hear from anybody. I'm just going to walk around and act like a goddamn nuclear mushroom cloud went off. and this is my world and nobody else is in it and I don't want

I don't want to no one to bug me neither neither okay psycho weirdly McAdams so anyhow just food for thought maybe it's something we all have to work on

a little or maybe I'm just projecting my guilt on to you guys. Maybe for all I know you guys listening are all like, what's he talking about, man? I always, I always get back to my friends. I always text back and, you know, email back and call back and whatnot. What's this asshole talking about? Maybe this isn't the podcast for us. He sounds like a real A1 dick. Maybe, maybe, but I try. So there you go. But I'll tell you the one one that's really fun is when, let's say you had a friend that was casual, maybe they lived out of state, out of country, you know, maybe they were somewhere far away, and it's kind of

hard to keep, you know, the connection going with them anyways, because you can't ever put in any face time. And so maybe it was someone you had a romance with. Maybe it was a good buddy you met. Maybe you were traveling in Europe and you met someone. Maybe it's someone you met at a bar, but they lived in another city. And so you always have that, you know, that moment where you're texting and emailing, and you're like, oh, man, little of the, oh, hey, how you doing? I'm doing great. I think this could actually lead to something.

Yeah, okay, you know. And you think you're building a new friendship or a new romance or just a new pen pal, whatever. And ultimately you realize, ah, what are we doing? It's ridiculous. I live far away. You live far away. Gone. and they just disappear, right?

And it's no biggie because you were never that attached to them anyhow. It was like, it was kind of a hope that it would become a friendship or whatever. But then here's where it gets fun, like three years down the road, two years down the road, five years down the road, you're just kicking around and all of a sudden, you look, you get a text and like, hey, I'm in town, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I don't know if you remember me, L.O. well, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

And you're like, oh, this person. Or maybe you're traveling and you go somewhere and somehow through social media, they find out you're there and, pooh-lip, hey, I can't believe I still have your number, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And those are always fun surprises when you get a kind of a voice from the past, a ghost from the past. Hopefully it's someone you want to hear from. You don't want it.

Every now and then you get someone you don't want. It's happened to me. It's like, bleat. It's like, um, uh-oh. Yeah, I don't really want to hear from you. Delete, you know. So interesting stuff. What?

Oh, you got him back? Oh, my God. I don't even know if I want to talk to this guy. He's back on the line. Okay, I got to cut this segment off, folks. Rogers's waving to me like Matt in the booth. Make it easy, Raj. We've got Dr. Ting Lee calling back from the Center for Disease in Atlanta.

Last we talked to him early in the show, he was, well, it's kind of ridiculous. It sounded like he was mingling with Ebola patients. Hopefully he's got his head cleared and we can find out what's going on with this continuing Ebola outbreak crisis that has us all a little on edge. Okay, put them through, Raj. Hello. Hello, Dr. Ting. Oh, yeah, you back that shit up, brown sugar. Yeah.

Oh, you back that shit right up in my face. Hello, Dr. Ting Lee. Hello. Yes, sir. This is Harlem Williams at the Harlan Highway. Are you still in the Ebola center? Oh, we rock a roller with Ebola. Hey, hey, hey, yeah, give me another shot, motherfucker.

Yeah, back there, shit up. Hey, everybody, put your hand in the air. Put your hand in, you look pretty weak, but even though you're really weak, put your hand in the air, Ebola, motherfucker. Dr. Ting, are you still at the Ebola rockerola party? Hang on one second. Well, I guess. My throat all fucking burnt out.

I have the Acapulco gold, man. Somebody give me magic mushroom in a, like a cookie or something. Holy frock. Dr. Ting, if you could just watch your language, what's going on there right now? I told you, motherfucker, Ebola, rock and roll out. Every few nights, we get the patient. We try to loosen spirit up. We, we have, we have Ebola, rockerola, party, power jam.

Oh my God, this is not appropriate, sir. Hold on a sec, motherfucker. I get joined. Give me another hit off that fucking shit, man. Oh, refrock that good nice stop. Dr. Ting Lee. Ory frock. Oh, my fucking head's frying like a fried egg. Oh, re-frock. Dr. Tingley, this is not sanitary. This is not safe. This is not orthodox.

Holy frock. Oh, my head is like, I'm fucking browing my mind right now. Here, Ebola, Ranka Rola. Everybody put your hand in the air. Yeah, let me see you, player. Let me see the player. Who the player in the house? Hey, ladies. Who the player in the house?

Ah! Oh, this fucking, fucking good shit, man. You are a professional scientist working on taxpayer dollars to control and contain and study the Ebola virus. What do you have to say for yourself, sir? Hold on. Hey, Mrs. Davidson, come back in up here. Yeah, open your mouth. Give me some tongue.

Yeah, give your tongue in my mouth and just give me a nice, deep French kiss, Mrs. Oh, yeah, I don't care of you got to blah, baby. I'm fucking frying. Give me, give me some fucking tongue. Yeah, give me that tongue. Yeah, give me that tongue. an outrage. I dare I say

this is a crime. Can you shut the fuck up? I'm getting fucking fucking French kiss from Mrs. Davidson. Holy frotchy. Got a frucking tongue

like a giraffe. Go to you a bolla, bitch. Hold on bitch. Let me smoke some more grass. Oh, you look.

E-bola, rock and rolla, everybody, back that shit up, back that shit up. Dr. Tid, Roger, you know what, hang up on this guy. This is an outrage. Don't hang up on me, motherfucker, you come down party. Shat up with disease control. What's up, player, what's up? Hey, homie. What's up, Ebola?

Rock a fucking motherfucker motherfucker baller roller. What's up, homie? ebola people in us hang up on him ebola people hang out ebola holy crap are you effing kidding me roger this guy's insane this this this virus is going to

get out and oh my god you know what i'm not even going to comment i'm just That's the end. That's it. I've had it. This is not a joke, Roger. This is, I mean, this is serious stuff, and we got this guy at the helm of the Ebola ship. I'm real worried about this country right now. Real worried. Let's, let's wrap it up. I'm sorry, folks. I hope you're not alarmed. I hope nobody's jumping off bridges. This thing's, this guy's in charge. We're in trouble.

Let's move on. Let's talk about something positive and fun like this weekend coming up. That's right, ladies and gentlemen, this weekend in Edmonton, Alberta, the Great West of Canada, I will be doing stand-up comedy at the comic strip in Edmonton. It is a great, great venue, great room. Well, it's a bad thing and a good thing. Usually I sell the join out completely. We have to add shows, which is a good thing.

The bad thing is if you don't get your tickets ASAP, you ain't going to get in on the fun. So tickets are at harlomwilliams.com. You can order right away. That's at October 16th through the 19th, Edmonton, Alberta, the comic strip in the West Edmonton Mall. And then if we motor over to November, my next. gig is November 6 in Tampa, Florida at the Tampa Improv, November 6 to the 9th. Great club, great city, great venue. Oh, my God.

We're going to have a blast. Please come out. Get your tickets online at harlunwilms.com. Also, you can write me at harlolwilms.com. You can call me if you want to call the show and leave a nice, positive, friendly message. Hey, Arlin, I think you're stupid. super stupid oh well what do you know you're just like a terriaki wonder brand you're oh you're like a twisted monkey blanket that's what you are dude

that was a great message so if you want to leave me a message positive negative good bad sexy unsexy whatever you want the numbers right there at harloweems or you can write me at harlan williams.com maybe i'll read your letter on the air maybe i'll put your phone call on the air how about that um you can also check out our store at harlewiliams dot com get all kinds of fun merchandise uh you can also click on my youtube channel subscription button and every time i put up a wacky video you get to see it first for free it's a great deal free is free just like this podcast um and uh what else can i tell you make sure you check out uh all things comedy dot com that is a podcast uh site where

there are many podcasts mine included a lot of funny people there and so on and so forth so uh there you go gang that's all we have time for today thank you so much for being here regardless of what you think about me and what do you feel about me and if you think it's stupid and unoriginal, so be it. I'll just keep pumping out the stupid and unoriginal garbage. But interestingly enough, that guy, in order to know all that, must be listening.

So I got that sucker. Hello! Oh, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, Charles. Ah, ha, ha, ha. Terriaki loaf chicken. Ah, oh, oh. anyways thanks for being here gang tell your friends to get on the harlan highway and it's been a pleasure

until next time chicken show me baby oh this fucking fucking good shit man