The Harland Highway - 618 - QUEEN ELIZABETH 1st Tweet. SENIOR FUENTES makes a Jack o lantern.

Episode Date: October 27, 2014

Queen Elizabeth calls in to describe the very first Royal Tweet. A great call from a Pavement Pounder. Crank call to a pet store. Halloween hijinx with Senior Fuentes. Trick or trout!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, Mr. Podcast Man, that's me, Mr. Podcast Man, and you're on my podcast, yes, you are on the Harland Highway. Great to have you here. Welcome. I'm your host, Harlem Williams, of course. And what a show we have for you today. We are going to be listening to a real, one of my favorite voicemails from the pavement pounders, just a treat. We're going to be playing that voicemail for you, as well as a, a, uh, a crank a crank phone call. I make a call to a pet shop looking for a very interesting pet. Wait to you hear this. Also, historic news, Queen Elizabeth, the second over in the United Kingdom, has done her first tweet ever just the other day. And so we were lucky enough to get her on the line for an interview. She's going to be telling us why she tweeted, what she tweeted, how she tweeted. Very historic technological moment for the royal family.

So that'll be exciting to talk to the queen, Queen Elizabeth. Haven't talked to her for a while. Also, we're going to be starting to unwrap Halloween. We're going to be talking about Halloween, getting ready for Halloween. And I believe my gardener, Senor Fuentes, is getting my house ready for Halloween. I don't know. Apparently he's dropping by. I hope not.

But you're here. That's all that matters. This is the Harland. You're listening to Harlan Williams. Harlan, funny stuff, bro. Funny stuff. Keep it coming. Later.

How long have you had this job? Long enough. He's fine as long as he gets his medication. He doesn't get his medications. He's not fine. You just made a wrong turn. On to the Harland Highway. You're a groovy boy.

I'd like to strap you on sometime. The Harland Highway. You're all going to experience. Tense, mental, physical, strength. All right, hold tight on the Harland Highway Show. Don't be doing. I'll do it. I swear to God. Don't be such a fucking pussy. You're not around here, ain't you? What's your name?

You're listening to Harlan Williams. With rotten luck. Welcome to the Harland Highway. Well, let's kick the show off. First of all, welcome. I should do that first. should be a courteous host welcome hi sit down have a hot chocolate put your feet by the fire get relaxed um we're going to start the show with something incredible um it is a uh a piece of royal

history happened uh this week this past week and uh we're very fortunate uh to have an interview with this individual. I guess Queen Elizabeth over in London, England, did the first royal tweet ever. The queen tweeted for the very first time to almost a million followers. And it's historic. It's something she's never done.

So according to Roger, we have her on the line in just a few seconds. She's calling in. And we are going to talk to her about this historic. moment, stepping into the information age, the digital age, is Queen Elizabeth the second. And she on? Okay, she's on, put her through.

Here we go, folks. This is historic. We're talking live to the Queen of England about her first tweet ever. This is great. Yeah, put her through, Raj. Hello? Hello? Hello, yes, your majesty.

Hello, who's this? This is Harland Williams, Your Majesty, on the Harland Highway podcast. It is a honor to have you on the show. Oh, excellent. I'm on the part, is it? The podcast, Your Highness. Oh, the podcast, yes. Prince Henry and I went slaying on one of those in Russia back in 1961. I'm sorry, Your Highness?

We went slaying in the snow, me and Prince Henry. on a podcast exactly wonderful just a wonderful frosty day everyone waving from the houses eating potatoes uh okay thank you your highness oh very welcome thank you goodbye no no hold on your highness we we just got got you on the line here oh excellent uh we wanted to ask you about a historic moment for you and for the royal family you're very very first tweet. I'm sorry? Your very first tweet.

Well, it was when I was a little girl. I was wearing a diaper, and I remember... No, no, no, your highness, not... Your very first tweet, you do it on your cell phone, you type in a message. Oh, yes, that. Oh, such a good time. My nimble little thing is typing away on that tiny, tiny, tiny little cell phone.

Yes, they are tough to... see. Yes, it turns out I was tapping on the janitor's head for the first five minutes. Oh, the janitor's head? Yes, the royal janitor. Dirty little monkey here's. Uh, okay, Your Highness, but when you finally got onto your cell phone, uh, everyone's waiting with bated breath.

What did you tweet? Well, I'd tweeted to the Germans. Oh, okay, and what did you, uh, tweet? We're going to destroy you in the war, you dirty pieces of garbage. Excuse me? No, I tweeted, hello, oh my bull subjects, this is Queen Elizabeth. Tweet! And I believe that was one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve,

ease in Tweet. Um, you don't have to type the word tweet, Your Highness. What you're doing is a tweet. Yes, I remember I was seven months old. I was wearing my diaper and I did my

first tweet right in the diaper. No, no, no, no, no, your highness. So you tweeted Germany. Oh, those dirty, rotten, rotten people. Bombing England. mashing things up, and they smell like cabbage.

Uh, your highness, I think you're referring to the World War II, and that was quite a long time ago. Oh. Oh, wait, was it? When was it? That was it Monday? No, no, that was about 60 years ago. What? Oh. Yes, that's right. Um, your highness, so you tweeted to the Germans. Oh, those dirty people. Your Highness, please, we have German listeners.

Oh, your highness. You also said you tweeted to the royal followers, your people who follow you? Oh, yes, all my people in London, in England, across Scotland, and all the way down into Spain, Africa. Um, that's not part of England. Africa's part of England. I made it just last week. I decided I was in the bathroom, looking in the mirror, and I said, I dubbed the Africa part of England.

Um, I don't know that you can do that. Well, where are you right now? I'm in the United States of America. All right. I think I'd like that. I, Queen Elizabeth I, Queen Elizabeth, the second, now royally succumb the United States of America, now to be called the Majesty's United States of America. No, no, you can't do that, Your Highness.

I just did it. Fuck off. Okay, Your Highness, you got to watch the language. Fuck off. Your Highness! Now, let me tell you about another tweet I did. just this morning. Oh, yes, please, ma'am. Would this be tweet number three?

That's right, number three. Okay, and what did that one say? Dear Germany, suck my royal horseshoe. Boy, you've really got something for Germany, Your Highness. Well, why shouldn't I? They smashed up all many of my buildings. Well, it was during the war. Wash more.

Go suck. a door. Okay, your highness, what was your third, your third tweet? You said something about the royal horseshoe? Yes, I told Germany, I tweeted it, suck my royal horseshoe. Okay, I'm not sure us here in the United States. Her Majesty's United States, don't forget, I just acquired it. Well, Lee, um...

I said, I just acquired it. Is there a problem? All right, your majesty. We'll go with that. Thank you very much. Now, tell us about this tweet. What does suck my royal horseshoe mean to the Germans? Well, do you know what a horseshoe looks like? Yes, it kind of looks like a U, like a, like a U, the letter U, the capital U. Exactly. So, when your highness, that's me, Mrs. Queen Elizabeth II.

Well, I don't think it's Mrs. I think it's her majesty. That's right. Her majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, when I go to the royal shithouse... I'm sorry, your majesty? When I go into the royal shithouse... You mean the royal bathroom? That's right, the royal bathroom, and I sit down on the royal... Throne, if you know what I'm in? Yes, ma'am, we all have to do it.

Well, I'm an old lady. I'm 729 years old. Well, your majesty. And when I finally put my rural beef Wellington on the toilet seat... Yes, ma'am. It takes me quite a while to push the royal brownie out of the royal oven. You know what I'm saying? Yes, ma'am, I believe you...

you take a bowel movement? Well, it's called a royal brownie, and sometimes the brownie's got nuts. Okay, you're on, your majesty, I think maybe you're getting a little too detailed. Can you get back to the horseshoe? Well, it takes me a while to push out the royal brownie, and then it takes me about 45 minutes to stand up. My legs look like fucking drift, would you know? You've got to stop swearing, Your Highness.

Well, they look like fucking driftwood. If I rub them together three times, they'd probably blow up. Okay, so... So it takes me about 45 minutes to get off the toilet, and it takes me about an hour and a half to push out a royal brownie. Yes, you said that, Your Highness. So, by the time I get up, I've got the toilet seat pressed, impressed right into my royal buttocks. Right into the Royal Roast Beef, don't you now?

Um... Do you see what I'm saying? Yes, ma'am. I've sat on the toilet so long. There's an imprint of the toilet seat on my fresh roost beef. Uh, yes, we get it, Your Honor. Uh, your majesty. And it looks like the shape of a horseshoe.

Do you see how this is going? Yes, Your Majesty. So, Germany can get down on. its knees, and it can kiss my royal horseshoe. How about that? You fucking crouched. Okay, easy. Easy. The war is over. Everything's fine. I don't know about that. Did I mention they smell like cabbage? Stop it. I think we better get going, Your Highness. Do you mind if I treat you before I go?

That would be an honor, your majesty. Okay, what's your Twitter number? Well, it's not a number, it's a hashtag. Okay, what's your Twitter number? It's a hashtag, Your Highness? Watch your Twitter number for the third time. You fucking insolent, fuck, I'm about to behead you. Bring in the Royal Beheader, I'm about it.

Your Highness, okay, my Twitter number is at Harland Williams. Okay, let me type that in. At Harland. Williams, there we go. Thank you, Your Highness. You're very welcome. And now let me tweet you. Let me see.

Your face looks like a smashed in set of moose balls. Um, Your Highness. Oh, that's lovely. I think that works. Can you put a picture of yourself on your telephone? I do not look like a smash. mashed-in bag of moose balls. Oh, yes, you do, I'm the queen.

And if I say you do, you do, you bashed in bag of moose balls. Okay, it's time to go. Thank you, Your Highness. Thank you very much. Goodbye to all my royal subjects in the Majesty's United States of America. I don't think so. Up yours, you royal motherfucker. Hang up on her, Roger.

You're a royal motherfucker. Hang up on her. Wow. That did not go the way I expected. She was beyond a little, I don't know. She seemed a little discombobulated, perhaps, with all due respect to the queen. A little bit of memory loss.

Maybe she's getting up there. But my apologies to the fine German people of the world who listen to this show. Wow, I guess some grudges never go away. And speaking of phone calls, oh, my God, I got to play you a message that I got at the Harland Highway message box, the voicemail. Probably one of my favorite messages I've ever had.

Let me play it for you first. and then you guys, I'll tell you why I love it so much. Here it is. I want you to go out there in video tape, the first annual thigh drop. Uh-huh. You and your guy friends. You and your guy friends.

Uh-huh. You and your guy friends down at the rusty pickle. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Oh, no, can I do cinnamon boy? I love cinnamon! Can I have cinnamon boy? Can I love cinnamon?

Cinnamon bite! No, I sound too much like the lepercat. The leopricon is cinnamon boy. He's cinnamon boy's friend. He loves lepercacons. Leprogan boy. A lepercat. Can you guess why I love that phone message?

Oh, my God. That warms my heart because, for those of you that don't know, they were doing some of the characters I do on the show. They were doing my boss, Mr. Featherstone. Ah, ah! And they were doing Cinnamon Boy and Crinky McRingles, the Leprocon. And what I love so much is the laughter. If you listen to the laughter, it was just so joyful and fun and innocent and even more enjoyable was,

I think, I'm guessing maybe that was a father and a daughter or maybe just a man and a niece or a friend of the family or a cousin. I don't know who it was, but just the fact that they were able to play together. and laugh together and do those voices together. And it was all inspired by some of the mad characters that are on the show. I just loved hearing the giggling and the laughter. So whoever you are, thank you so much for the call. Made my day. And I'm so glad you guys get a chuckle out of all this stuff.

Oh, so good. That's the reason you do the podcast. right there so thanks guys and uh keep listening um i think we have some stuff coming up with mr featherstone real soon for Halloween so uh stay tuned for that and uh thanks for calling and and a few folks want to call in anyone wants to leave a message uh 323 739 4330 3230 3239 4330 Hey, everybody. Who wants to have better sex? No? Yes? Yes. The answer is yes. You always want to have better sex. That's what you want it to be better, not worse. Trust me. And Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item plus free shipping. And more than that, Adam and Eve wants to make your life

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So be sure to use this code Harland so you get your discount and 100% free shipping. Code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. This is a true story. It happened right here in my town. One night, 17 kids woke up, got out of bed, Walked into the dark, and they never came back.

I'm the director of Barbarian. A lot of people die in a lot of weird ways. We're not going to find it in the news because the police covered everything all up. On August 8th. This is where the story really starts. Weapons. Hello? Hello?

Thanks for calling Decatur Petco. This is Ken's been. How can I help you? Oh, hey, Ken, how are you today? Doing good. How are you? Great. I was checking to see I need a pet for my son.

He wants a puppy, but we're willing to go down to, you know, if you have guinea pigs even. I mean, what do you got in there today? Actually, today we have pretty much everything. Usually we don't have dogs in the store, and that's about the only animal we don't have. But we have an adoption group here today. Oh. So we have dogs, cats, gidd pigs, mice, and mice. rats, hamsters, ferret, fish, reptiles. We have it all pretty much.

Wow. Okay, well, listen, this kid, he's a nut for animals. He's seven years old, and he was having a bed-wetting problem, just, you know, urinating all over, and I promised him. He got through the window, and I said, as a reward, we're going to get you a pet, and he would like a dog. Now, what kind of dogs do you got there today? Uh, you know, to be honest, um, they brought about five different ones with them. They just kind of looks like they're just kind of, uh, kind of mixed dogs. Right. Um, you know, kind of little, maybe like little terrier mixes. All those are good. Okay. Now, here's the dilemma. My boy's allergic to, uh, dog and pet hair type of thing. Um, now would you be able to like, if we got a nice dog, would you be

able to shave it up for us and whatnot? Well, we do have a grooming salon here too. Um, like, I'm talking, like, right down, like, you know, a bald type of thing, like just... Well, it's not really that good to go down that low, but, you know... They must get cold? Yeah, they get pretty cold without any kind of, you know, fur insulation on them like that. Here's the thing. I don't want them to get... I don't want them to get cold, but I don't want my boy to...

He gets hives and gets all swollen and that he's allergic to the hair that they got. So if it's possible, if we pay a little extra, you could shave them up real bald-like. that'd be uh that'd help me out a hell of a lot well you'd have to talk to the salon about that one um i don't think that that they typically do shave all the way down to skin like that what about like uh you mentioned you had guinea pigs or something could you bawled one of those up no we couldn't do that on those guys either uh god damn and how about a ferret i bet you could ball like if you just Can you wax a ferret or something? Just get that hair red out because my boy gets it up his nose and its eyes.

Get all puffy. It looks like one of those goddamn goldfishes with the big bubbly eyes, you know? Yeah, we couldn't do that on the ferrets either. You can't wax a ferret? Nah, you could maybe check out like a reptile or something, though. Are they bald? A reptile's bald? Yeah, they don't have any kind of fur or anything.

Okay, talk to me. What would be a good, like, ballad? You got a bald lizard or something there for my boy? Yeah, like a leopard gecko would probably be a good one. And they have no hair at all. No, no, none whatsoever. This sounds good. Okay, how much is like a bald lizard going to rummy?

Well, they're on sale today. It'd probably be around like 20 bucks or so. That's it for bald, no hair at all. No hair at all. Well, okay, what time you open till? We'll be open until 9 o'clock. Yeah, well, but hold on to some of them bald lizards. I'm coming down.

All right, man. All right. Thank you so much now. No problem. Okay, take care. You too. Bye. Oh, it's lovely.

It's just lovely. Oh, boy. There it is. The Halloween theme music. Oh, yeah. Halloween. Coming up this week. Have you got your costume picked out of you?

Have you got it already? I don't know what I'm going to go out of this year. Last year I told you guys, I went to a really twisted Halloween party. It was like being in a David Lynch movie, man. Me and a whole bunch of friends just rented a party bus, and we went to this 80s bar, and it was like, it was demented. I was dancing around with Grover from Sesame Street and Wonder Woman and the giant reindeer, it was twisted, man.

But I had a blast, so I'm doing that again this year. We're going back to the same place, same kind of group of people, and it's going to be great. This Friday coming up. But I want to do a better costume this year. Last year I just put on a black suit and some sunglasses and went out as one of the guys from, um what's what's that uh men and black movies you know

i don't put a lot of effort into Halloween costumes like I used to and as a kid I put a lot into it now I'm just kind of find them annoying it's like ah I'm out at a bar I'm out with friends I'm dressed like a cow I've got an old lady mask over my head I'm boiling hot I've been dancing all night dressed in this Superman cape I'm like a Batman with body odor I'm like I'm like that clown

I'm the clown with the sweat stains under his arms so I'm trying to think of something fun and simple and if I get annoyed with it I can just crumple it up and throw it on the ground you know by one of those sheep like you know I'll go as a you know a Roman emperor a cow

I don't know. A chicken, I don't know. It's such a bizarre thing that we dress up and turn into something else for a night. But it's fun. It's part of the human journey, man. It's part of the human journey. And so I've got to come up with something. But I'm looking forward to it.

And so Friday we'll be doing a Halloween or Thursday we'll be doing a Halloween-themed podcast. And I've heard a rumor that I might have to take Timmy, the Campfire Kid, and Cinnamon Boy, out trick-or-treating. I certainly hope not, but that's, Roger, is there any verification on that? Okay, because that's something I do not want to do. That would be the last thing I'd want to do is take those two idiots out trick-or-treating. Kim me the Camphire Kid and Cinnamon Boy. Ugh. So anyways, we'll see.

But hopefully you got your stuff together. And you're ready to rock and roll on Halloween. And it should be fun. And I think as a little warm up for Halloween, maybe we should do something very Halloween right now. Trick or treat, smell my feet, give me something good to eat. If you don't, I don't care. I'll pull down your underwear.

That one's an interesting one. It doesn't seem like anyone's a winner with that saying. Like, trick or treat, smell my feet. So basically you're giving someone an option to give you something. And if they don't, they have to smell your rotten feet. And then if they don't, again, you pull down their underwear? Is that something you want to see?

I don't know. Does anybody win with trick-or-treat, smell my feet? If you don't, I don't care. I'll pull down your underwear. Seems like everyone loses in that equation. Anyways, Rod, it's Halloween. Do we have anything for Halloween to get it started for next week? What?

Senor Fuentes is here. Why would he be here? For my pumpkin? Yeah, I asked him to carve a pumpkin Well, he shouldn't be here He should be at home Carving the pumpkin in my garage No, don't send him in, I'm doing the show

I don't want him in here That would be... Oh, God Oh, come on I just said don't send them in Oh, what are you doing here? Hello, senor! Oh, come on, what are you doing here?

Senor Fuentes. I have an emergency, senor. What kind of an emergency? Well, I was in the garage doing the jacko lantern the way you told me, senor. Okay, so why aren't you still in the garage doing the jacko lantern? Well, senor, I'm a little embarrassed to say. Say what? What could be embarrassing?

Well, I cut my chimichanga, senor. Wow, you what? I cut my chimichanga. I need some band-aid, senor. What do you mean you cut your chimichanga? You cut your lunch? No, senor. My chimichonga.

Why are you pointing to your crotch? My chimichonga, signor. Wait a minute. Are you referring to your... My penis? Your penis as a chimichonga? See, signor. That's what I call it.

Well, hold on. You're doing the jacko lantern. See, signor. And somehow you cut... Your penis? See, senor. Oh, it hurts. I can't stop the bleeding, signor.

Okay, wait a minute. How, in the name of holy hell do you cut your penis doing a jacko lantern? Well, senor, where I come from, we don't do that type of thing. What type of thing? Doing jacko lantern? What are you talking about? Well, you told me to go in the garage with a pocket. Yes.

And Jack O'Lantern. I'm not sure I'm following here. You know that thing that little boys do when they're going through puberty. What? When little boys are going through puberty and they get overly excited when they read the penthouse magazine or the Playboy, senor. Wait, what? They do the Jack O'Lantern. What are you saying?

You know, senor, they get excited and they start to play with their chimichanga. Oh, come on, wait a minute. Are you saying, yes, signor, I did the jackal lantern, and my chimichanga got stuck in its pointed teeth. What? What? Yes, you told me, you gave me a picture and told me how to do the jackal lantern, and I did it. Oh, wait a minute, wait a minute.

Wait a minute here. Okay, I told you to carve the jack-o-lantern. You said, do the jack-o-lantern, signor. Okay, so I said, do the jack-o-lantern. You carved the pumpkin, and oh, my God, you thought jack-o-lantern was jack-off-lantern. Oh, my God, are you telling me, you idiot. See, senor, I put my jimmy-chonger right in the jack-o'-lant. Jack O' Lantern's mouth and those pointed teeth.

Oh, my God, are you telling me? It's pardon my French, ladies and gentlemen, that you masturbated on the pumpkin? Well, you did say Jack O'Lantern, Signor. Oh, my God! Yes, that's what I said, Signore, when I had my Jimmy Chonga in its mouth and those pointed teeth started cutting my...

Oh, my God, stop! This is a... a new, what kind of communication meltdown are we having here? Exactly, signor. How hard it is to understand that I need some band-aids. I'm not talking about the band-aids. I'm talking that you misinterpreted doing the jacko lantern, quote-unquote. See, senor, why would you quote and then unquote it right away afterwards, signor?

It's an expression, quote-unquote. I know, but why bother quoting if you, You're going to unquote immediately after, Signor. Stop it! Why would you, quote-unquote, don't say anything, misinterpret jack-o-lantern with masturbation? Well, senor, we all know when we were little boys. We all jack, you know, jack-offed.

Is that what you're trying to say? See, senor, I didn't want to say it in your nice, pretty office. that smells like a pottery barn candle. Stop. It's not a jack-offal lantern. Okay? There was no need for you to... I can't believe I'm having this conversation.

There was no need for you to masturbate on a pumpkin. Well, signor, I'm only doing what you told me, and let's just be thankful for one thing. What's that? That I was able to unstuck my chimichanga from the jack-o-lantern's triangle eye. What? Yes, at one moment when I was jacko-lantering on the pumpkin, my chimichonga slipped out of the mouth, and went right in the triangle eye, senor,

it got stuck. It was like a minnow trap. You ever see a minotrap, senor, where the minnow, she swims inside to get the bread, but she cannot swim back out? Would you stop talking about a minnow trap? All I'm saying is my chimichonga went in easily to the pumpkin eye, When I tried to pull it out, the mushroom cap got stuck against the triangle, and I could not extract. Stop it! Holy, this is getting way too detailed.

This is a family show. When you do a jacko lantern, it means you carve a pumpkin to look scary, and you put it in the window. Oh, I put it in the window, signor, and that's when it started bleeding. Oh, my God. Did you put a candle in it? Yes, signor. some burn marks on my jimmy chonga too okay get out of here go down to the emergency ward what should i tell them signor i don't know tell them that you jacked off a jacko lantern oh get out of here

oh oh oh what are you what are you moaning about i think i have a seed stuck in the hole and stop get out of here unbelievable roger holy god that's one of the most obsceneed vile things I've ever heard. He's got a pumpkin seed stuck in the hole of his. Oh my God. Yes, and you're a pumpkin seed, and it's hot from the candle. Get out!

Whoa! Wow, I am sorry. You know, let's be honest. People from different cultures have different customs. Maybe, maybe in the farthest reaches of fantasy world, I could

see how possibly Jack O'Lantern can be confused for Jack awful lantern No, no, you know what, no This, Roger, I think I might need a new gardener I might need a new gardener Because this is

This is just crazy Trick or treat, smell my feet Give me something good to it Get out of here If you don't, I don't care I'll pull down my underwear Get out of here Oh wait, I can't pull down my underwear

I've got a fucking pumpkin stuck on my cock Oh, let out Whoa! Go to a commercial, Roger. This is unreal. We gotta go to a commercial. I'm sorry, ladies and gentlemen. Wow.

Hey, dad. Yes, Allie. Can I ask you something? Sure. Do you do? Well, sure I doosh. Should I doosh too? Sometimes I feel stuffy.

Dushing not only helps you with your stuffiness, it makes you feel fresher. Here, try this. What is it, Dad? That's the pumpkin spice douche. Oh, wow, it sure smells nice like a candle. It does smell like a candle. Now try it like this.

Oh, where do I stick it? Well, here's a receptacle tip, and you just take it like this, and then you... Oh, it hurts. Oh, it hurts. Just stuff it up there, Sally. You'll feel fresh. Oh, there we go. Thanks for teaching me about douching, Dad.

Honeydew disposable duches, now available in Pumpkin Spice. Trick or treat, Dad. Wow, too soon. Just too, too soon. Um, wow, I, I'm apologizing for my gardener, for his inappropriateness, his... It's... Let's just wrap the show up. Good Lord.

As I said, our next show will appropriately deal with the theme of Halloween. Next Thursday show, it's going to be all about the Halloween. We're going to have some fun. And I did hear a rumor that I might have to go trick-or-treating with Campfire Timmy and Cinnamon Boy, but we all know that's not going to happen. Okay, there's no way. I'd quit this podcast before they made me do that. So we're going to have a fun Halloween,

and let's talk about some fun gigs coming up for me. Starting in November, you can catch me doing stand-up live in Tampa, Florida, at the improv. Great, great club. You're going to love it. That's November 6th through the 9th, Thursday through Sunday. and you can get tickets at harlornwilliams.com. And also you can go to see me on the west coast here in San Jose.

That's November 13th to the 16th. That's again Thursday through Sunday. The improv in San Jose, California. Oh, my God, another amazing club. Both of those clubs, by the way, are renovated theaters. And I don't mean movie theaters. I mean like vaudeville theaters and operas. house type of thing they used to put plays on so they're great big spacious uh venues and uh just

they're really fun to play so hopefully we see you there then uh november 20th through the uh through the 22nd you can catch me in um in uh in seattle at the parlor live uh in belview and uh that's a great club too gonna have a blast up there uh later in december I'll be in Kansas City at the improv in Kansas City. And then finishing out the year, December 11th, I will be in Indianapolis at Crackers. And we'll give you more information as those gigs get closer. It's going to be a great time.

And like I said, you can get all your tickets at harlomewilms.com. By the way, redoing the website finally, harlornwilliams.com. You are going to be amazed when you see the new website. It is completely interactive. It's going to be a lot more user-friendly. We're going to have a lot more material on there. We're going to have a lot more things to do with the podcast and all kinds of cool surprises. I am so jazzed to roll out the new Harlem Williams.com.

Not that the one now is bad, but this new one is a whole lot better. You will see soon. We will keep you posted. when that rolls out and it's going to be really good. I'm excited. Also, don't forget, you can write me at harlornwilliams.com if you want to send me an email, it might get on the show.

Or you can phone me the way those wonderful people did at the beginning and just share your laughter with me. 323-739-4-3-30. That's 3-2-3-7-39-4-3-3-0. and it is always great to hear from you pavement pounders, especially when you throw the little kids on and I hear them giggling like that. As I said, that's what this is all about

to make you guys laugh and have fun. So thanks for being here. Tell your friends to get on the Harland Highway. Check out our merchandise store at Harlan Williams.com if you want some fun gift ideas. Christmas is coming up soon, I know, and we always have good stuff in there. And that's it, man.

Thanks for being here. And until next time, chicken chalemaine, baby.