The Harland Highway - 619 The HALLOWEEN SHOW, with CINNAMON BOY, Timmy the campfire kid, and Mr. Featherstone.

Episode Date: October 30, 2014

This is the HALLOWEEN SHOW, with CINNAMON BOY, Timmy the campfire kid, and Mr. Featherstone. We discuss Halloween, the origin of Jack o Lanterns, and trick or treating with a couple of complete morons. Boo on my shoe!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Oh, boy, oh boy, oh boy. Happy Halloween, everybody. Boo! I'm doing scary voices like an idiot. What am I a grade school teacher? Hi, kids. Hey, welcome to the Harland Highway. This is our Halloween show.

Getting all geared up for that festive night, the night of the dead. And we are going to have a blast. The whole show I'm going to be talking about Halloween, dealing with Halloween. Apparently, my boss, Mr. Featherstone, wants to see me up in his office about something, but that shouldn't get in the way of the Halloween show. But we're going to do scary things and talk about scary things. One of the things we're going to talk about is, do you know the history, the origin of the jacko lantern? It's a fascinating story.

You know, every Halloween you see people with pumpkins in their windows and things like that, and you probably don't think twice about it. You probably think it's just a goofy thing, but there's quite an interesting story behind where the jack-o-lantern came from. And also, you know, who knows what's going to happen? I probably shouldn't tell you about the rest of the show because, you know, whenever I go see my boss, Mr. Featherstone, the show always takes a hard left turn.

So I'll leave it there for now. But we're going to have some Halloween fun. Hope you enjoy it. Happy Halloween. This is. The Harland Halloween Highway You're listening to Harlan Williams Harlan, funny stuff, bro, funny stuff

Keep it coming, later How long have you had this job? Long enough. He's fine as long as he gets his medication. He doesn't get his medications. He's not fine. You just made a wrong turn. On to the Harland Highway. You're a groovy boy.

I'd like to strap you on sometime. Harland Highway. You're all going to experience intense, mental, physical, strength. All right, hold tight on the Harland Highway Show. Don't that be doing. I'll do it. I swear to God. Don't be such a fucking pussy.

You're you around here, ain't you? What's your name? You're listening to Harlan Williams. On the Rotten Light. Welcome to the Harland Highway. Well, here it comes. Here it comes Here we go

I was working in the lab A late warm light When my eyes beheld A neary sight And my monster from a slab Began to rise And suddenly To my surprise

He took a dump He took a giant dump No no no He didn't take a dump My My apologies Hey it's Halloween Gang

Oh, I'm so excited. I'm so, I'm so trick-or-treaty excited. Um, yeah, it's, uh, it's coming up. Big day is tomorrow. And so today is the Halloween podcast. We're going to talk all about Halloween stuff and trick-or-treating and candy and costumes. And it's just going to be so, what? Hold on, hold on.

Stop the music. Stop the music. What? What do you mean he wants me in his office? No, I'm doing the Halloween podcast. I'm not going up to his office. Oh, great. Rogers telling me in my headphones here

that my boss, Mr. Featherstone, wants to see me up in the office. This isn't about me taking his kid trick-or-treating, is it? Because that ain't happening. Well, if you don't know what it's about, neither do I. Can we do it after I finish the Halloween podcast? No, he wants me right now. Okay, great. Good timing.

You can see me any time of day. It's got to be right now. I do the podcast for like half an hour, 45 minutes, and he can't. Oh, God. Okay, so I'm just keep me wired. I'm just going to go up there with all my stuff on. All right. Let's go up to a commercial, and I apologize, ladies and,

and gentlemen, this shouldn't take more than a second. We'll get right back to the Halloween podcast here. I have to go up. My boss, Mr. Featherstone, is calling me. We'll get that over with and get right back to the fun. All right, I'm going up, Roger. Carol, could you come down here, please? Hi, Mom.

I was upstairs trying something new. What is that? I tried my first douche. I'm nervous. Oh, honey, don't be nervous. Your father and I doosh. Oh, well, I found this in the closet. Honeydew, douche?

Oh, yes, that's right. That's the honeydew douche Raspberry Ripple. I thought it smelled like ice cream. And it soothes. Will I smell like ice cream too? You can smell like ice cream or pumpkin spice. Wow, as long as it gets rid of this horrible itching and burning. That's the vinegar and water working.

Oh, boy, I feel so fresh and good. Can we go skipping, Mom? Skipping all the way to the roller rink. Yay! Thanks, Raspberry Ripple Dush. Raspberry Ripple Dush, new from Honeydew, available in the aisle next to the yeast and Clorox. Well, here I am, and if I sound a little annoyed, it's because I'm upstairs on the 12th floor and in the waiting area outside my boss's office, Mr. Featherstone. There's Betty as secretary. Hello, Betty.

Betty, as usual, nothing? Great, okay, you'll be sure to flip me off when I leave, right? Okay, well, there's his assistant, Betty, his secretary. So I'm waiting to go in, he wants to tell me something. I got interrupted for the Halloween podcast. Hold on. Okay, looks like I'm going in. Thank you, Betty. Happy Halloween. Whatever.

Hello, sir. Hello, Mr. Featherstone. Hello, how are you? Uh, well, to be honest, sir, if I can be Frank. That's your name, Frank, have a seat. No, no, I'm Harlan Williams, sir. I thought you said your name was Frank. No, I asked if I could be Frank.

Okay, and I'm letting you be Frank. Sit down, Frank. No, sir, what I mean is I'm Harland Williams, and I want to be Frank, you. Okay, you're Frank. I'm Mr. Featherstone. Sit the fuck down, Frank. No, no, sir, I'm not... I'm not frank. I thought you said you wanted to be frank. Am I hearing things? Do I have cotton batting in my ears? Not... Sir, I'm Harlan Williams. Oh, wah-wah! Harland Williams? Yes.

And... Yes? I want to be frank with you. Okay. You know, I... what? Sit down, Frank, and I'm not Frank. Sit down, Frank. Yes, sir. Now, what is it, what what is it you want for me, sir? Well, listen, it's Halloween. Well, I wasn't finished telling you how I feel. You think I care how you feel? I'm running a business. Well, you did ask me, I didn't ask you anything. I'm telling you. You're telling me what, sir? You're going out for a

Halloween with my nephew and his little friend Cinnamon Boy. Oh, no, I'm not. No, no, no. I'm, see, here's where I need to be Frank with you, sir. Okay, Frank. Here's... Go ahead, Frank. I'm giving you the floor. My name's not Frank, sir. Well, you keep saying it is, so what do you want me to call you?

Hyman, Vina, Venus, Nichol? Sir, if you... Before you say anything else. Yes, sir. Have you ever farted? Oh, no, I'm not getting into this fart thing. Have you ever farted on a shrimp platter? No, I haven't.

I'm not even answering that. So that means you have, huh, Frank? I'm not Frank, and no, I haven't farted on a shit platter. On a shit platter? On a shrimp platter, sir. Well, you said something else right there. I know. You've got me all work.

Stop. That's not a bad idea, Frank. What? Farting out of shit, planet. Stop it! No, I'm not going out for Halloween. Oh, yes, you are. I pay your bills, right?

Well... Who pays your paycheck? Who signs your paycheck, Frank? My name's not... I know, your name's not Frank. Okay, I got it, Frank. You sign my paycheck, sir. That's what.

Right, and you see this pen on my desk? Yes. How would you like it if all of a sudden this lovely little pen ran out of ink? What does that mean, sir? That means if there's no ink, then I ain't got nothing to sign with. You got it? It's like when an octopus takes a shit, it's got no more ink. Now that octopuses don't take a shit, sir, they squirt ink to protect themselves and make a cloud.

this coming from a guy talking to me about seafood. Yes. And you've never even farted on a shrimp platter? Okay, sir, what is going on here? And by the way, yes. When you take my nephew... Wait a minute, are we talking about Billy the Campfire Kid? You know it. He loves to sing.

Well, I wish he could sing. All right, you're taking Billy the Campfire Kid and his best friend, Cinnamon Boy, Out for Hollow. Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no. And I don't want you taking them trick-a-treating downtown. What do you mean, downtown? You know, near your funny little bars? Wait a minute, what funny little bars? You know, the ones you go with your guy friends. Wait a minute, sir. Uh-huh. Sir? Uh-huh. What, I don't go to funny little bars. Oh, yeah, what about the bald monkey? The bald monkey? Yeah, you know that funny little bar. at 49th and 28th? I've never heard of the bald monkey, sir. I don't want you going anywhere near your funny little guy bars. I don't go to guy bars, sir.

Ah! What? Ah! Stop! You sound like a grizzly bear waking up out of hibernation. And I don't want you going near the soggy cookie tin either. What the hell is that? Oh, like you haven't been to that funny little bar.

sir let me ask you something yes frank i'm not frank frank frank yes sir frank have you ever farted in an envelope what have you ever farted in an envelope licked it and mailed your fart to somebody sir i don't fart on things what what is your obsession with farts now listen you're gonna take cinnamon boy oh my god and Billy the campfire kid out trick-or-treating for goodies. Oh, this is just, this is outside the scope of my professional duties. Oh, what are you? Uh, Millie the model all of a sudden?

What, Millie the model? Have you ever farted on a stiffy? What? A stiffy, like at a funeral home, you're there to see the dead body, you're there to pay your respect. Somebody's obviously passed away. Well, that sounds very sad, sir You sneak up to the open casket

Wait a minute, sir And you turn around Pretend you're leaving I don't like where this is gone And you fart right on the stiffy Sir, that is disrespectful That is vile I'll tell you what's vile

I got no one to take my nephew out For Halloween for trick-or-treaty Okay, he's gonna go out And you're gonna take him door to door with his little buddy cinnamon boy. I, those, they might be two of the most annoying people I've ever come across in my life. You save you coming across for your funny little bars.

Now wait, if that's out of line, sir. I bet you do a lot of coming across down at the foaming mantere. The foaming manteree? You know that funny little bar downtown? Never heard of it, sir. Ah, what? Ah. Okay, you know what? Maybe I'm not going to do this thing with your nephew. Oh, you're going to do it all right. And you're going to be out on the street and you're going to be out of a prod prast.

It's called a podcast, sir. Yeah, well, you'll be out of it, just the way you should come out of it. What does that mean, sir? You know what I mean, coming out of it. Out of what? Oh, boy, you want to do a riddle, huh, fun boy? What do you mean? Where do you hang your clothes?

I don't know in the closet. Uh, wait a minute. Are you saying that I need to come out? Uh, I'm not gay, sir. Yeah, well, why don't you tell that to the bartender down at the broken maple branch? The broken maple branch? Get out of here.

I got to take a phone call. You better be on time. Take my kid out tonight or my nephew tonight and his little friend cinnamon boy oh this is not get out of here i got to take a call sir get out of here frank my name's not frank frank off wow wow unbelievable well looks like i lost that battle hey betty looks like i'm taking uh timmy the campfire kid and uh his friend cinnamon boy out for Halloween. You want to join us? Yeah, the same to you.

Real nice talking to you, Betty. All right, I got to get back down to the podcast. This is unbelievable. This is going to cut into the podcast. I'm going back down and finishing the podcast. I'll take those idiots out for trick or treat later. Oh, God. Well, what do you know? A ham sandwich.

Okay, back to the Halloween stage. back down in the studio here. And, you know, one of the big, big, big icons of Halloween is the Jacko Lantern, the Pumpkin. We all know it. We've all seen it. We've all had one. And there are a lot of fun and that it's such a unique kind of thing that just adds tone to the season. I mean, think of Halloween without the image of the classic Jackalmon.

a lantern. You know, it'd just be people in costumes and, you know, the pumpkin would probably be an unknown or forgotten type of fruit. It's just, it's, it's, it's not something that people sit and watch a football game with, and instead of a bowl of chips, they sit down and eat a pumpkin. So thanks to Halloween, the pumpkin is a prominent, uh, iconic fruit or vegetable. or whatever that. I don't even know what it is.

A melon? I don't know. But I started wondering what the hell is the history of the jackal lantern? Who was the first person to ever go? You know what? I think for this Halloween, I'm going to carve me up one of them pumpkins and put a face on it and put a candle inside and put it in the window.

I mean, you got a, you got to, you know, You've got to accept that that's kind of a weird thing to do, right? That's like if you were sitting around one day, say, you know what? I think I'm going to go stick a pineapple in the mailbox. And I'm going to put some eyes on it and a nose. I don't know why. I'm just going to do it.

So for Halloween here, let's talk about the history of the jacko lantern. And if you've ever gone trick-or-treating, you know, you've seen them. They're carved out with the two triangle eyes and a big fat smile. And they're on people's doorsteps. They're in their windows. And it all comes from a surprising place. The tradition of carving faces into pumpkins comes from an old Irish folk tale. The legend of Stingy Jack.

See, I didn't know about Stingy Jack. I thought that was my father. All right, you stingy Jack. Okay, enough of that. So apparently Jack, stingy Jack, was an old drunk who played tricks on everyone. One night he wanted to go out to a bar and invited the devil to join him. Jack did not want to pay for the drink, so he convinced the devil to turn himself into a coin to pay for the drinks.

Instead, he put the coin next to a silver cross in his pocket preventing the devil from changing back into his original form. Ooh, that's kind of cool. Jack kept the devil as a coin until the devil promised not to bother Jack for a year and not to claim Jack's soul into hell. The devil agreed and did as he was told. Hmm, so Jack made a deal with the devil.

The next year, Jack tricked the devil again. This Jack guy's pretty good. Well, the devil was in a tree picking some fruit, root, Jack carved a cross into the tree bark so that the devil could not come down unless he promised not to bother Jack for another 10 years. Before the 10 years were over, Jack died. God did not want Jack in heaven, and the devil did not want him in hell. So during this time, people believe that if one was rejected from both heaven and hell,

his or her soul was sent into the dark night with a burning coal. to light the way. As Jack found himself in this situation, his soul was sent into the dark. The Irish believed that Jack put the coal into a carved pump... that Jack put the coal into a carved-out turnip and has been wandering the earth ever since. They called him Jack of the Lantern,

or Jack O' Lantern, in true Irish fashion. Interesting. Okay, okay. Let's keep going here. So Irish family started making their own versions of Jack's lanterns by carving faces into turnips and displaying them on the window. They believed that the turnips would ward off stingy Jack and other evil souls from entering their homes,

especially on all hallows Eve. The night when the ghosts of the dead roamed the earth. So look at this. What have we learned here that it started initially with turnips? Can you imagine if the whole Halloween thing centered around turnips? I don't know. Not only they're small and they're kind of whitish in color. I don't know.

They just sound funny. Daddy, can we go carve the turnip? No. Go put a pineapple in the mailbox like you're supposed to. Hey, everybody. Who wants to have better sex? No? Yes.

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Have fun. Don't throw your back out. So on All Hallows Eve, what we now know today is Halloween, which was not widely celebrated in early American history, in Maryland and the Southern colonies, communities originally gathered in the late fall to celebrate the harvest and tell ghost stories. Later in the mid-19th century, a huge wave of traditional Irish families immigrated to the U.S. They brought many traditions with them, including carving jacko lannards into turnips.

However, they found that pumpkins, a popular American fruit, okay, it's a fruit, were bigger and easier to carve than turnips. conveniently enough, pumpkins are harvest in October, so the Irish immigrants celebrated the harvest by carving jack-o-lanterns in pumpkins. Thus, the grand tradition was born. In the late 19th and early 20th centuries, Halloween developed into a secular holiday, and more and more Americans participated in the festivities.

And just to end it up here, this is kind of interesting, man. My whole life, I've celebrated a holiday, and loved Halloween and trick-or-treated and saw the pummies. I had no idea that this is how it all came about. And this is the last little piece here. Pumpkin carving remains a huge tradition today. Many people still do it all over the country. So the next time you carve your pumpkin at Halloween,

remember that it's not just for fun, but also to ward off evil spirits and protect. you for another year. Wow. I like that, man. That's a pretty cool story. I hope I didn't bore you there, but I find that. I'm wondering how many of you guys,

the pavement pounders actually knew the history of the pumpkin. I'm willing to bet, and I could be wrong, I bet 90% of you didn't know this. Is this important to your life? Maybe not, but I think it's kind of fascinating. and now I'm going to spend the next 20 minutes reading about the history of the Christmas tree No, I'm not

I'm not, what? I know I can see out the window I can see it's starting to get the sun's starting to go down Oh God Can we do one more one more segment before I have to go and trick or treat with those idiots?

No okay well there you go folks it looks like the sun's going down i've got to get ready go and pick up those stupid kids timmy the campfire kid and cinnamon boy and you know what i'm roger i'm going to record this i want people to see the humiliation i have to suffer i want i want people to see how idiotic this job is sometimes and what i have to go through i'm going to i'm going to keep me wired as i go trick-or-treating. Next time you hear me,

I'll be out trick-or-treating with Campfire Timmy and Cinnamon Boy. God help us, everyone. I almost hope that I bump into Crazy Jack or whatever his name is.

And he turns me into a coin or something. All right, so here we go. Roger, throw to a commercial and I'll be out in the street with those idiots. God. Black cats and goblins and cronsticks and ghosts Cuttings of witches with all of their hosts You may think they scare me

You're probably right Black cats and goblins on Halloween night Checker see Hey Hey guys over here Over this way you guys Would you come over here? You don't have to yell at us

well where are you going I was trying to go to the park why do you want to go to the park we're trick or treating I want to light firecrackers and blow up a cat you're not blowing up a cat why not looks like your hair looks like someone blew up a cat

you know what oh god oh god what your hair we're going up the street where all the houses are Do you see all the other kids running around? Yes. Okay, Timmy, well, that's where we're going to ring the doorbells and get candy. You don't have to yell at me, ass.

I'm not an ass. I'm just... And what is your costume, by the way? I'm Shrek. You're Shrek. That's right. Why are you wearing a crown? I don't know.

It came with the thing. And why are you in a gown? It looks like you're wearing a dress. I don't know It came in the package I think maybe Timmy Did it occur to you

That maybe you got the Princess Fiona Costume by mistake What I think you're wearing Princess Fiona You got the crown And you're wearing a purple dress I'm Shrek Okay whatever

And what are you supposed to be I'm cinnamon boy I know who you are and I love cinnamon! Are you going to do this all night? What is your stupid costume? I'm a cinnamon stick! Oh, God!

You're a cinnamon stick. Because I'm cinnamon boy, and I love cinnamon! Stop yelling! You're going to scare the other kids! Good Lord, you two! Don't yell at us! How is it that you're even buddies with Cinnamon Boy? We're best friends from school. Oh, God, you two together?

Yeah. Kind of like your two ass cheeks together. What does that mean, kid? I don't know. My dad said you go to funny little bars and stuff. I don't go to funny little bars. And is he your dad or is he your uncle? He's my uncle, but he makes me call him dad.

Oh, God. You're not going to take us down to the yellow sardine. are you? What is the yellow sardine? My uncle says it's one of those funny little bars you go to downtown with your guy friends. I don't have guy friends. I'm cinnamon boy, and I love cinnamon. Stop, what is that? Are you guys ready to go trick-or-treating? I guess so. I'm ready for cinnamon. Let's go. Come on. Walk up here to this first house. Okay, what are we supposed to do? Well, I don't know, Princess Fiona. What do you think?

think don't get smart with me tumbleweeb tits don't call me names kid you're lucky i'm even out here well well what well you do have tumbleweb tits get get up to that house and ring the doorbell bell and get some candy are you ready i guess so and what do you twist as cinnamon boy i'm a cinnamon stick Oh god You look like a giant turd I'm a cinnamon stick Because I'm cinnamon boy And I love cinnamon

Stop yelling You're gonna scare everyone Come up here and ring this doorbell Hurry up Stop pushing us around ass What are you dressed as I'm not dressed as Well you sure look like an ass

Oh Ring the doorbell And when they answer the doorbell you yell trick or treat trick or treat trick or treat well hello how are you kids oh i guess i'm pretty good if i wasn't with this child pervert here hey well what does that mean he's just joking sir well i don't like that kind of talk he's just tell him you're joking i was just joking but he does look creepy doesn't he stop kid say your thing trick or treat trick or treat trick or treat And what are you supposed to be, young fella?

I'm cinnamon, boy, and I love cinnamon! Well, how would you like a chocolate bar? I want cinnamon, because I'm cinnamon, boy, and I love cinnamon! Well, I don't have cinnamon. How about some nice, yummy potato chips? I want cinnamon, because I'm cinnamon, boy, and I love cinnamon! Holy smokes, this kid's a little hyper. I know. He's a little fired up. I'm sorry, sir.

Why, you're the one standing here looking like a mental case with a velvet theater rope wrapped around your face? What does he mean by that? I don't have any idea where he comes up with this stuff. You are a little odd. Are you from this neighborhood? Well, it's a long story. I'm here because I want to sing a campfire song. Oh, no, you don't kid. We're getting some candy and we're getting out of here. Well, I'd like to hear a campfire song.

No, you really don't, sir. Trust me. Oh, Halloween, Halloween. Chewy chips and chocolate bars. Hala Halloween. Chewy chips and chocolate bars. Chewy chips and chocolate bars. Oh, my God.

Someone gave me an apple in my bag and crushed all my candy. Fucking asshole. Kid! Well, what kind of language is that from a little boy? Or are you a princess? I'm not a princess, I'm Shrek Well, you should be swearing

I'm sorry, sir I tell them what to watch their language I'm cinnamon boy And I love cinnamon Stop I think you better leave my property I'm sorry sir These guys are out of control

Oh it's Halloween I want to put a pumpkin In my bottom In my bottom He wants to put a pumpkin where In my bottom I want to put a pumpkin where? want to put a whole pumpkin in my bottom in my bottom stop it stop i'm sorry sir okay great look at this he

slammed the door guys well it's your fault you look like a pervert i don't look like what are you singing about sticking a pumpkin in your bottom it's just a campfire song it's a campfire song is it on halloween well well what and what do you have to say for yourself yelling at the top your lungs. I'm cinnamon boy and I love cinnamon! Let's go to the next house. You guys are idiots.

Come on, keep walking you two morons. Well, you don't have to call us names. We're just trying to trick or tweet and get some candies. Well, you don't sing to people and you don't sing rude songs and you don't swear and you don't

call me names. And do you say anything else except I'm Cinnamon Boy? I love cinnamon. Oh, my God. Get up there. Come on, ring this doorbell. There we go. Use your finger and ring it.

Stop pushing me around. Axel grease. Axel grease. That's right. Why are you calling me axle grease? Because you're greasy and slippery. Like a North Korean electric eel. Oh, God.

Ring the doorbell, goofball. Up yours, Slappy. Don't call me Slappy. Ring it! Well, hello, boys. Hello. And don't you look wonderful? What are you a princess?

Well, I'm trying to be Shrek. Well, you're Princess Fiona. Well, no, I'm not. But this guy smells like crab dip. Stop, ma'am, I'm sorry. I don't smell like crab dip. You kind of do smell like crap dip. I, I, would you cut it out, kid?

Ask for some candy. Can I have some candy, please? Okay, boys, and what would you like? I want cinnamon, because I'm cinnamon boy, and I love cinnamon. Oh, you're so cute. We don't have cinnamon. How about some popcorn? I want cinnamon, because I'm cinnamon boy, and I love cinnamon.

Now, why don't you give them some cinnamon, you old bag? Hey, hey, hey, watch it. I'm sorry, what did you call me? I called you a rotten old bag. I'm sorry, ma'am. Would you cut it out, kid? Well, look at her. She's a beautiful lady.

How dare you? I can't believe this. Well, I can. Why don't you go slap your pruned wrinkled tits into the window pane? Okay, you know what? I'm sorry. Well, there you go. She just slammed the door.

What is wrong with you? You are testing my patients, kid And you're testing your diarrhea Oh, God, you don't even make any sense Have you ever had diarrhea? Yes Well, why don't you go test it? Oh, God

What is wrong with you? I'm cinnamon boy, and I love cinnamon! Shut up, kid! Holy crap! I'm going to one more house with you, idiots, and then I'm calling it quits. Yeah, I'm sorry. sounds like your whole life calling it quits.

Why don't you call it shits? Since your life's a pile of shit. Okay, you know what? Stop judging my life. Well, how is your life? It's not bad. Are you sure it's not a pile of shit? Oh, come on.

Let's... I'm sitting it. Shut up! And I loves it. Shut up! Get up to that door and ring the bell. This is the last house, you morons. Up yours.

Flounder. face? Ring the bell! Well, hello, boys. Hello, sir. I'm here with these boys. Do you have any candy? We'll make this quick. Boy, look at this old bastard. I bet when he farts, a tumbleweed comes out his ass. Stop it. What did he say? Nothing, sir. Nothing. Nothing. And what's this one supposed to be? He looks like a giant piece of wood. I'm a cinnamon stick because I'm cinnamon boy and I love cinnamon I'm sorry sir he's a cinnamon stick oh I love cinnamon

it's the name of my dog yeah well what's the name of your colostomy bag you old dingbat okay kids stop it do you have some treats for these kids sir well I'd like to hear them say trick or treat you know smell my feet yes sir I understand go ahead boys say it to the nice man Trick or treat. I smell your old fucking feet. And your wrinkly bag meat. How long do you have to live? A trick or tweet, I smell the funeral home. That's what I smell, you dirty old... Hey, hey, hey. What did he say? Nothing, sir. Nothing. Um... How about you, Cinnamon Boy? Could you give him a trick or treat? I'm Cinnamon Boy, and I love cinnamon. Oh, I should have known better. Oh, God.

Um, can I sing a song to this old windpipe? Stop calling people names, kid. Oh, there's an old man down the road, there's an old man down the road, kid. There's an old man down the road who's got bumpy skin like a toad. His bag swings so low that he steps on it with his golf shoes. Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. It hurts. Stop it.

I'm so can you give us some stuff there you go good he puts some stuff in the bag thank you thank you sir let's get out of here kids I want to look in my bag something didn't sound right what do you mean something clunked and I heard it crush my other candies oh here we go the old fart bag gave us some apples so who the hell wants apples what am I at the farmer's market I want some candy for Christ's sake. Watch your mouth, kid. Well, did you get some apples, too, Cinnamon Boy? I'm Cinnamon Boy, and I've got cinnamon apples.

Oh, God. What are you doing? What, don't throw those apples. Oh, my God. Don't throw those apples. Oh, my God. You broke the guy's windows, you idiot. Oh, my God.

So, he should have given us apples, the old windbag. Stop it. Cinnamon boy and I threw cinnamon apples. Don't throw any more. Oh my god. Stop it. Stop throwing apples. Oh great. He's coming out. Here he comes. He here he. Oh my god. What's he got in his arms? Oh my god. It looks like a cinnamon stick. That's no cinnamon stick. That's a rifle. Whoa. Whoa. Oh my god. Come on kids. Oh my god. Oh Wow, possibly one of the worst experiences of my life. Thanks to my boss, Mr. Featherstone. Real great Halloween for me, gang.

Good Lord, sweet Nelly Frittato. Hey, aye, y'all. Anyways, listen, just because my Halloween reeked and I had to spend it with two idiots, I hope you have a great, great Halloween. Be safe out there. Have fun. Don't get hit by a car. Statistically, Halloween night is the night where more kids get actually hit and killed by cars than any other night in the year. So be aware. Play it safe. and have a blast. All right. And as for me, I'm going to be going to my crazy 80s

Halloween party. I'll probably give you a rundown on how that went. I think I told you last year it was like being at a David Lynch at a freaking David Lynch movie or something. It was very twisted and weird

and I loved it. So I'll keep you posted on that. Meanwhile, please, If you're in Tampa, Florida, November 6 through the 9th, check me out at the Improv Comedy Club. Tampa, Florida Improv, November 6 to the 9th. And then the following weekend, you can catch me in San Jose, California, at the improv there. That'll be November 13th to the 16th. And that is going to be a good, good, good old time.

You can catch me there. uh doing some stand-up comedy and then following that the third week in november november 20th to the 22nd Thursday through saturday I'll be at the parlor live in uh in Seattle Washington so some great great gigs coming up and then later in December you can catch me in uh Kansas city at the improv and then later in December my last gig of the year at crackers in Indianapolis so awesome uh awesome awesome group of gigs to round out the rest of the year. Check out harlainwilliams.com.

It is going to be all new, all new website. I'm going to be going live very soon with that, so keep your eyes on that. Check out the store, harlunwilms.com, buy some fun gifts. You can always call me at 323-739-4-3-330, or you can write me at Harlem Williams.com. Like I said, happy Halloween, everybody. Have a blast. And until next time, chicken.

Chalmaine, baby. Black cats and goblins and crows and ghosts. Gardens of witches with all of their hosts. You may think they scare me. You're probably right. Black cats and goblins on Halloween night. Trickercreet! Thank you.