The Harland Highway - 628 - WALLY the Xmas Elf calls in to the show. Podcasts, too many of them?

Episode Date: December 4, 2014

Today we get a call from Santa's head Elf, Wally. He will be calling in from the North Pole from Santa's workshop. Also, a Pavement Pounder asks if there's too many podcasts? And Harland gets called for jury duty. Unravel my gavel!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It's the hap-hurpyest, no, it's the hap-happ-happiest, it's the herp-heap-hurpiest time of the year. Wait, herpy, what? No, whatever. Hey, everybody, it's Harlan Williams here on the Harlan Highway. Thanks for joining. What a treat. Good to have y'all here. We're going to have some fun today.

We're going to be talking about some cool stuff. jury duty. Has anybody ever been summoned for jury duty? I never have. I'm going to be talking about jury duty. And also, this is super exciting. Oh, my God. We are going to be taking a call today from the North Pole from Wally the Elf. I guess Wally the Elf is Santa's lead elf in the toy shop. He's the foreman. He's the head elf up at the North Pole. And he's going to be calling in and talking to us about having your children call in and leave messages for Wally so he can kind of get to work on bringing Christmas presents to your kids. So I'm excited to talk to an elf.

I've never done it before. So hang on for that. Also, a very cool call from one of the pavement founders asking about the world of podcasting. Is there too much of it out there? I don't know. We're going to get into it. Here we go. Hang on.

This is the Harlan. Highway! You're listening to Harlan Williams. Harlan, funny stuff, bro. Funny stuff. Keep it coming. Later. How long have you had this job?

Long enough. He's fine as long as he gets his medication. He doesn't get his medications. He's not fine. You just made a wrong turn. On to the Harland Highway. You're a groovy boy. I'd like to strap you on sometime.

The Harland Highway. experience intense, mental, physical, strength. All right, hold tight on the Harland Highway Show. Don't that be doing. I'll do it. I swear to God. Don't be such a fucking pussy. You're new around here, ain't you? What's your name? You're listening to Harlan Williams.

Welcome to the Harland Highway. Yeah, I finally did it. It's early December, and I did it. I did it, I did it. I dusted off the box of Christmas decorations and the Christmas lights and all the holiday stuff. And, oh yeah, it's starting to go up. It's starting to go up around my house, outside. It is just getting ultra-Christmassy around here real quick. And I love this time of year.

I don't know how you guys feel about Christmas. but I just, I love it. I just love it. So we're going to be doing some Christmassy themed stuff during some of these podcasts and spreading the holiday cheer. And one thing we're going to do, I think we're taking a call today. I think we're going up to the North Pole and Wally the Elf, who I believe, according to our research,

Wally the Elf is Santa Claus's top elf from the workshop. And I guess we're going to be talking to him today. And he's going to tell us how it's going. And I think we're going to set up a thing where we can take phone calls from kids. And Wally's going to figure out what he can do for the kids this Christmas. Anyways, that's coming up later in the show. Wally the Elf from the North Pole, Santa's Workshop. shop and should be interesting as we start rolling into the holiday season here.

Meanwhile, let's shift gears to something else. How about jury duty? Have any of you guys been called up for jury duty? Interesting thing, for years and years I used to get these envelopes in my mailbox. You've been summoned for jury duty. and then there was this little box where you could check, you know, check, check, check things. And I used to just be able to go, check, I'm a Canadian citizen. So I can't do jury duty.

You can't do jury duty if you're a Canadian citizen. Isn't that interesting? They're so anal about not being able to do jury duty as a Canadian citizen, but yet they don't seem to give a crap about having photo IDs for elections, for people voting. Just, yeah, anyone can walk in, you know. But God forbid, you need to help solve a shoplifting case at 7-Eleven. No, no, no, you got to be documented for that.

But, you know, if you just want to sneak into the country from Canada or Mexico or China or wherever, if you want to vote, I mean, you're not a statement. citizen but go ahead vote pretty strange rules so anyways for years i i just couldn't do it it's uh it was just something that was beyond my capacity because i wasn't uh american but then a number of years back uh i think it was about four or five years ago i became a dual citizen i became american I'm a dual citizen Dual But so now

Now they got me I should have thought of this before I became a dual citizen man They got me Ah we see that you are now an American citizen Yeah Yes Welcome to the court system You will be the juror number 12

Yeah, so now there's no avoiding it And so I got this envelope, this big fat envelope in the mail You are requested to come and do your civil service. You are requested to come and be a juror And I'm mixed. I'm kind of like, geez, I don't, you know, you hear about some of these murder trials like OJ was like, what a year? Some of these murder trials can go.

go on and on, and all kinds of trials. People are basically locked up. They don't get paid. Their jobs get put on hold. Their life gets put on hold. Wow. Part of me is like, geez, do I really want to be on a jury? Because some idiot does some drunk guy decide to punch someone in the face

or some moron decided to steal a flat screen TV from Target? Seriously, I got to give up my week for that moron. I mean, that's one side of the equation. Then the other side is you go, well, we are a civil society, and I must step up to the plate and do my due diligence and help the system, perpetuate the system. Without law, there are no rules. So I'm a bit, I'm a bit, like, torn.

I'm like, oh, what a great inconvenience. and the part of me is like, no, no, I got to do my part. But there's an even bigger part where I've never been involved in the court system before. I have a feeling, and I could be wrong. Maybe it's boring as all, you know, like watching a glacier move. But I have a sneaky feeling. Excuse me, I said glacier and I caught a cold. I have a sneaky feeling it could be interesting to watch a whole court proceed and go down.

and watch, you know, evidence introduced and all this stuff. Like, it could be pretty fascinating. But that being said, first they got to get you as a juror. I think there's like from what I, and all I know is from movies and television, man. I don't know how it really works. I'm going to be honest, I'm living in fantasy land. Every preconceived notion I have about the judicial system, when it comes to entering a courthouse and going through a trial

is clearly through the prism of TV dramas and movies. So I'm just guessing it's going to be like that. But from what I've seen is when they want you to be a juror, they've got to screen you and audition you or whatever. And they've got to ask you questions to make sure you're not prejudiced or you're not biased or anything like that. And so part of me goes, geez, can you just get out of doing jury duty by saying,

yes, we have a trial between a Chinese man and a Caucasian. They got in a fist fight over their lawnmour. Couldn't you just go, yeah, you know, I'm not, I don't really like Chinese people, you know. They're weird. You know, I don't, I've, I don't, I've, never liked Chinese people ever. Okay, you're done next.

I mean, is it that easy? I don't know. I have a feeling if you say anything that freaks them out that could tip the scales on the trial, on the jury, they got to let you go. That's what I'm thinking. So it'll be interesting to see. I think it's coming up in March. for me. I've got to go down and report

and it's going to be kind of a new thing for me. I've been living for a little while and this is something I've never done. So I'll report back to you guys. Hopefully I can find some humor in it. I don't want to just come back and be like, yeah,

and then I went and sat on a bench for about four hours and then they brought us some water and then the judge asked us to all rise and then we all sat Down in the So I hope it's something interesting.

I'll keep you posted, but I wanted to know if any of you wild cats, any of the pavement pounders, had done the jury duty thing. And if you have, call in and let me know. Let us know we want to hear what the process is like. 323-739-4-3-30. And hold on.

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So be sure to use this code Harland so you get your discount and a hundred percent free shipping code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. All right. Speaking of calls, I just got buzzed by Roger here that it looks like you're getting Wally the Christmas elf on the line. Oh boy, this is going to be fun. I'm excited. Okay, so, are you dialing them? Okay, we're at the part of the show, as promised, folks. Rogers dialing up to the North Pole, and we're going to be talking to Wally, the head elf.

I guess Santa's head elf at Santa's workshop. And what we've heard is possibly, I don't know, we'll confirm this with Wally, the elf, the head elf, uh apparently he uh santa wants kids to call in and tell wali what you want for christmas and uh i guess we'll play it on the podcast we'll play uh we'll play your kids calls to wallie the head elf this is exciting rogers dialing the phone through the window we've never talked uh to the north pole before we've never had direct access into santa's workshop this is really a Scoop, this is a first, and I'm a little nervous. I grew up loving Santa, and what? Okay, hold on. Rod just giving me the signal.

We're being patched in to Santa's Workshop. Hello, Wally? Hello. Wally, is that you? How are you, Judge? How are you today? Doing great, Wally. Wow.

How are you? Oh, I'm doing great. We're busy as all hell up here. Well, I can hear the Elps. Is that the Elps working in the background? Oh, my God. There's hundreds of us. It's just crazy up here. Little crazy elves everywhere. We're hammering. We're nailing. Some of them got the glue gun out. It's just outrageous up here. Oh, my, hang on. Watch that glue gun. That's right, Snipples. Watch the glue gun. You're going to glue your fingers together. I'm sorry. What were you saying?

No, this is just, wow, wow, wow, wow. I don't know if you can hear the excitement in my voice. All right, well, calm down, dial it down and not you, okay? We got a lot of work to do. Yes, yes, Wally, yes. Wow, I don't know where to begin. So you're actually up there nailing together pieces of wood. You're making skateboards, toys, dolls, everything, doll, you name it.

We got dolls, we got skateboards. I'll build you a birdhouse. if that's what you want on your wish list. I mean, this is a, we're out of control. Hang on a second. Would you watch it, Timmy, you're going to nail your hand right to the table. That's right. So anyways, we're just going to 100 miles a minute up here, snowing all over the place.

The windows are all frosted up, but oh, oh, it's crazy. Well, holy smokes. Well, we understand that you're going to be taking calls from some of my listeners' children. Yes, that's right. Santa sent down the order as if I don't have enough things to do right now. You know what I'm saying? But what I'll do is we're going to take phone calls from the listeners of your podcast. We're going to have just the children, no adults, just the children.

All right, you hear that pavement pounders? Just the children. And they can call in, and then they can talk to Wally. Wally will convey the message to Santa, and hopefully the kids will get just what they want on Christmas morning, the little devils. Wow. This is almost as good

as just being on Santa's lap. Yeah, almost as good except it smells. I'm sorry? Nothing. Anyway, so what we want children to do, we want parents who listen to the Holliday Way. Okay. Are you listening parents? Yes, parents.

We want you to get your children on the phone and leave a message for Wally. Okay, it's 323-739, 4330. Yeah, That's actually my voicemail, Wally, for the Harlan Highway. And people can't, boy, I just got to hold on. Listen, listen to the elves.

I just love this. Okay, if you don't mind, I got a crap ton of work to do, okay? This may sound like music to your ears. For me, I'm riding an elf migraine, okay? Absolutely, Wally. Let me get back on track. parents you can call in you can dial the number for your children and they can be anywhere from one year old to 12 or 13 15 years old what's the cutoff wally anything under 18 in my mind is a kid

okay anything under 18 okay so you heard wally uh under 18 that's a bit old don't you think we should lower it a bit wally all right drop it down to 15 but that's where i see stop. I mean, a kid is a kid. Wally's right. Okay. So if you have kids 15 and under, put them on the line and have them tell Wally the elf what they want for Christmas. And unfortunately, kids are going to be a lot of kids calling in. We can't play every phone call on the Harland Highway.

But boy, oh, boy, we are going to try and get as many of you kids on the podcast as we can. And Wally will get on the line. He will listen to your messages. He will address your messages. And hopefully you have a nice surprise under the tree on Christmas morning. Is that how we're doing it, Wally? Absolutely. I could have said it better myself, even if I was drunk on Christmas punch.

Okay. So, yeah, just have those little devil's call in. And, oh, my goodness, we're going to have a riot. I'm going to hear all their Christmas wish lists. And if the good little boys and girls, who knows? I'll put a good word into Sandy Claus, and we'll see what happens. Wow, so there you go, folks. If you don't mind, I've got to get back to work.

These elves are going crazy here. Hold on a second. My God. Hey, Clarence, watch it. No, you don't put the stuff drafts near the ceiling fan. That's not how we do. There goes ahead. There goes ahead.

You just got the head off of stuff draft. That's one more toy we got to rebuild. Wow, that's crazy. I know. Listen, I got to run here, Captain Kirk, and you tell those kids to phone in. Give them the phone number again, and we're going to have fun with the kids. Okay, I got to run. I got toys to build.

Okay, Wally, thank you. Merry Christmas. Yeah, not Christmas yet. Let's not rush it. I got a few weeks left to get some toys built, okay? Don't rush me. Sorry, Wally. All right. Well, talk to you, too. Kids, you call in.

Hollen's going to give you the number. Give them the number, Holland. Goodbye. Okay, thank you, Wally. Oh, my God. That was super exciting. Wow. Wow, wow, wow. I just talked to a real Christmas elf. Oh, my God. Wally. So anyways, this is for real, folks. If you have kids and they want to, you know, leave a message. for Wally the Christmas health, this is a big chance for them to have a direct line to the North Pole to Santa's workshop. So I really urge you to get your kids on the line, let them leave a message, tell, tell Wally what they want, maybe one or two items.

Don't hog up the whole answering machine because there's a lot of kids going to be calling in, but maybe one or two items. and you can say your name and your age and you can maybe even say the state that you're from so Santa knows where to look for you and Wally's going to take your calls and this will be great. So 3-2-3-739, 433. I'm more excited.

I'm like a kid. I'm like a little kid on Christmas right now. I'm excited. I wish I could go back in time and call Wally the Christmas Al. Who gets that kind of direct access to Santa? Wow. So we're looking forward to your calls. Parents, don't disappoint your kids.

Now, as I said, we probably can't play every single message. So don't be disappointed. But we promise you that Wally will get all the messages. He's very busy. And he can only play so many. So hopefully he plays yours. And I'll just leave it there. I'm looking forward to getting those messages and getting them over to Wally,

the head elf, up in the North Pole. Woo-hoo! This is fun. I feel right. But I must admit they've got the best of me. Getting down so deep a good down. I can't get back the way I used to be. Hello?

Hello? Hi, Harlan. I'm calling to ask you a question about podcasts. I know it's a relatively new thing in social media, but I've noticed that comedians have began making their own podcast, whether it's a 30-minute or an hour format. And I'm just curious to know your opinion on this, because you're also a comedian,

and you have a pretty successful podcast. I wonder if it's oversaturating the market for other comedians or, you know, if you're late to the game, are they, eventually is this going to be bad for business when too many people are putting their stuff out there for people to listen to? It becomes, other people become obscure, hard to find. You know, I just wonder if that, that's something you and your, I guess, other comedians like yourself have talked about

behind, you know, when you guys get together and hang out or anything like that. I'm sure that there's a little bit of the discussion. I just wonder if you've heard anything about that. Because, you know, there's so many other voices out there that aren't just based in comedy. It's really hard to see, you know, I've, the guy for pond stars that television show he's got a podcast and I'm sure I haven't really listened to it it could very well be a good podcast entertaining uh show to listen to but I probably will never hear it because I've already got so much to listen to I just wonder what your thoughts are on that

anyway I hope you have a good day and thank you very much have a good have a good day well wait a minute it sounded like I wasn't sure whether I believed you wanted me to have a good day at the end there. You're kind of giggling and it was a little indecisive. Are you sure you want me to have a good day? Because I know you do. I'm just kidding. You didn't know how to hang up. That's what it was. You didn't know how to say goodbye. You were like, have a good day. That happens. Happens to the best of us. But excellent question. Excellent question about podcasting. Because obviously it's something I'm passionate about. It's something that I've been doing.

for, I think we're in our six year now, for God's sakes. Good Lord. Six year. This is the episode 628. Probably more than a lot of podcasts out there. And as far as everything you said, it's all applicable. It's all true. It's all crazy.

It's, oh, my God, it is so oversaturated that it's nuts. I mean, it's oversaturated by comedians. I don't even know who else is doing a podcast, but I think I've seen, you know, guys from news shows like CNN having a podcast and, I mean, who, everyone's got them. So you're already, you're already answering your own question, really. Yes, there's just so, so many of them. And I think it does muddy the water.

I think it does make it a little foggy, and I think it does make it hard for people to make choices, and I think people get overwhelmed by it all, and it's like you said, there's people out there that you might listen to, like the Pond Star guy, but you've already just got so much. It's like being at a buffet at the Golden Corral and taking way more food than what you need to eat. You're like, oh, there's some scallop potatoes. I'll take those.

There's some green beans. I'll take those. There's some peas. I'll take those. There's some shrimp scampy. I'll take some roast beef. I'll take a pork chop. I'll take a pizza slice.

I'll take some shrimp rolls. I'll take a spring roll. I'll take some French toast. It's just you just keep pile, just because it's there and it's free. And that's the thing with podcasts. They're free so anyone can do them. And I guess I was one of the early guys that got in the game, as you call it,

the game. I was probably, I don't know, I think I want to say I was, maybe in the first 10 to 20 or maybe even less of stand-up comedians to kind of put a podcast out there, at least in the U.S. So I'm not 100% sure if that's accurate, but I just remember when I got in, not a lot of guys had podcasts. It was like Adam Carolla, Mark Marin.

Gosh, you know, that's the thing. I can't remember a lot of them. And that tells me that there weren't many out there. And we're talking six years ago. So a lot, a lot, a lot of comedians have stepped up to doing podcasts. And I'm talking about, you know, it's funny because the pecking order in stand-up comedy used to be, you know, you had your MCs, you had your opening acts, you had your middling act, and you had your headliners. and headliners were guys that usually built their way up, guys that stood out of the pack,

guys that clawed their way to the top, guys that were, you know, not to sound cocky, but probably a little better, a little more seasoned than the other guys. That's just the way it is in any industry, right? And so when you get to the top, you get a little more attention and you get a little more stuff thrown your way.

And, you know, back in the day, there's probably like, you know, oh, hey, you want to do a radio show or you want to do this, you want to do that. But what's interesting about podcasts and digital media now is anybody, any comedian at any level, can get all the exposure he or she wants to work towards. You can put a million videos of yourself out on digital media. You can have a podcast. You can have all this stuff And it's kind of a game changer But the question I think you're asking is Does it water it down?

Does it make it harder to find the people that as I just described Rise their way to the top because of their ability Versus rising their way to the top Because of them inundating you with so much stuff that you can't ignore them anymore. I don't know. That's just a question. But it is busy out there.

It is murky. I think it's confusing. It's a bit overwhelming. But here's the good side to it. The good side is that if you want to do it, you should do it. No matter who you are, you have the right to do it. You should do it. If it's a way to promote yourself, do it.

Hopefully you do it and you do it well. You're not just creating noise pollution. Hopefully you really have something to say and something to offer. And hopefully you are really funny. And, you know, if you do well with your podcast, good for you. You know, that's the thing with any type of industry. You know, like hockey. Let's take hockey.

You get all these players playing for all these teams. And there's about 10 guys that really stand out. You got your Wayne Gretzky's and you got your Mariel Lemieux and your Crosby's. And you've always got guys that stand out, even though everyone's doing the same thing. And so I figure whether you're brand new to podcasting or whether you're a seasoned veteran to stand-up comedy doesn't mean you're a good podcaster. So if you can create a product that stands out and people want good for you. Because I got to say, I actually said this to a buddy of mine the other day. As you guys know, I'm a very creative person.

I just am constantly thinking of ideas and creating and shooting videos and recording stuff and doing podcasts and writing scripts and I just can't shut it off. It's just the way I was born. It's the way I was wired. And when I was a kid, when I was a teenager, when I was in my 20s and 30s, I used to love going around with my video camera. I did some stuff that predated Jackass and Tom Green. Like, I'm older than those guys. I was doing that stuff when I was 19 and 20.

I would go out to the mall with a camera. I'd rent a video. You had to go to a store and rent a video camera from a camera shop. It was like $100 a box. weekend. It was crazy. And I'd dress up like a news anchor, and I'd go out to malls, and I'd interview people with a carrot. I'd hold a carrot up to them and go, what did you have for breakfast today? And people in those days were so disturbed to see a camera. They'd just play it along. Well, I had scrambled eggs and some delicious bacon, and, you know, I used to go out and do all

that stuff, play pranks, and, oh, God, I was a camera troublemaker. but I was ahead of my time, I guess, and my point is, is if I had all the stuff we had today, if I was only 19 right now, but I was still the same guy, oh my God, you'd never see me. I'd be constantly editing and shooting and cutting, and I would overwhelm the world with content because I love it so much. Unfortunately, all this stuff came along way, way later for me, where I was already kind of a But what I'm trying to say is if I had it when I was a kid, I would have loved it. Because there was a time where it was impossible for unknown artists like musicians and comedians and actors to get any press or get any notoriety or get any exposure.

Unless you got an article on the newspaper or got on a radio show, how would people find out about you? You lived in a chamber. It was very difficult. And that's why the guys that rose to the top and got attention, it made everyone feel important. But nowadays, man, I mean, I take that singer, Lord, from what I understand, I can't verify it, but I think what she said on a talk show the other night

is that song she wrote, we want to be royals or we can be royals and we can be royal you know that one apparently everyone in the world said no to that song in the music industry and from what she said on the tonight show the other night she put it up on sound cloud and kaboom she's she's probably the top recording star in the world right now if not in the top ten it's an amazing landscape. It's an amazing thing. The upside is creative people can be creative and they can do it inexpensively and they can get their message out

not only to their community, but to the whole planet. It's incredible. The downside is, you know, who in their life hasn't wanted to be famous at one point in time? Probably every living human being probably had the fantasy. I wish I was famous.

Haven't we all gone? I wish I was rich. I wish I was famous. I wish all the beautiful girls loved me. You know, we all, I wish I was a rock star. I wish I was a millionaire. We all have those kind of large fantasies. And so now, where there's so much room for exposure through podcasts and YouTube and all that,

all these people are jumping into the ocean of digital media to try and get famous. The problem is, most of them probably aren't good enough to be famous. And that goes back to my hockey analogy where you've got tons of skilled players out on the ice, but there's only a handful that ever rise above and beyond and become really super talents. and their talents are exposed and the world appreciates them. Well, long answer, but it's a very interesting topic, and I really appreciate that call. I guess to close it up, it's a good thing and a bad thing.

Yes, it's oversaturated. Yes, it's confusing. But, you know, at the end of the day, it's up to you guys. You know, I feel like it's like food. You find food you like, you keep eating it. You find a favorite restaurant you like. You keep going back for years. And if you find a podcast you like, and yes, you might have to listen through a whole bunch of them.

But that's like listening to the radio. You listen to a bunch of artists on the radio, and you find the ones you like. And if you can find someone you like, hold on to them. And if you don't like them, move on. And if someone can generate like Adam Carolla or Mark Cameron, some of those guys that have huge podcast numbers can catch an audience that big. God bless them.

I keep growing my audience. I hope I could be that big one day. I don't think I am, but I keep working towards it. And regardless of how crowded the waters are, I just keep barreling along, doing my best breaststroke and trying to keep you guys laughing and having fun.

So my theory is if I'm having fun and laughing, hopefully you guys are along for the ride to. Thank you so much for that call. Interesting call, very serious topic, sort of, I guess. And I'll leave it right there. Let's end the show on that. Some deep, deep podcast, food for thought. Ooh.

Let's do some announcements, you crazy. nutbags. Don't forget tonight. I start in Kansas City at the improv. The Kansas City Improv. God, is it polluted there? I just coughed. I'll be there through Sunday. I'll be there December 4th through December 7th. And then the following week, I go to Indianapolis. Crackers Broad Ripple. I will be there.

And that is a great club. I'll be there. December 11th through the 13th. That's Thursday through Saturday. And then I'm off for the holidays, boys and girls. Yes, indeed. And I'll start giving you some of my 2015 stand-up dates as we get closer. Don't forget to call in to the Harland Hotline. If you have children, 15, are under,

all the way down to 2 years old, please call in and leave a message for Wally, the Christmas elf, And he will hopefully help your kid get a present or a wish list of Santa. No promises, but Wally will try. 323739-433.0. That's 323-739, 43330. The number is at the website, Harlem Williams.com. Where you can also shop for Christmas presents, hilarious T-shirts, DVDs, all kinds of stuff.

Music, The Gift of Comedy, Man. So check that out. or you can write at harlough williams.com. When you get to the website, there's a contact form. You can write to me and all that great stuff. Check out the digital downloads we have on there. Check out my new app, Filopio, available on Android only. That's Philopio, 99 cents,

and you have yourself a kick-ass video game right on your phone. Trust me. This thing is hardcore. Philopio on Android. God, I keep coughing. I swallowed a bug. That's it. Let's get out of here.

I'm excited for Wally the Elf. I'm excited to get your phone calls from your kids. Last time I'll say it, 323-739, 43330. Happy holidays, everybody. Let's have fun. Love, laughter, merriment, hugs, and kisses. And until next time, chicken, chau-main, baby?

Merry Christmas. Oh, oh, oh, oh.