The Harland Highway - 629 - AUNT RUTHIE calls the show. Eating animal bones. What won't ant eat, Xmas carols.

Episode Date: December 8, 2014

It's the first Xmas carol of the season on today's show. Plus, Aunt Ruthie leaves a phone message and she's having trouble with a dirty windshield. Why do we eat animal bones. And why won't ants eat some foods?? Grain in my drain!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho. Here we go, go, go, go, go. It's the holiday season, and welcome to the Harland Highway. Happy holidays to everyone, all my listeners and people who aren't even listening, but somehow hear this. I think dogs can hear my podcast. You know that dog whistle thing where humans can't hear it, but I think dogs can hear somehow magically my podcast. Hi, dogs. Anyways, our first Christmas carol of the season will be played today, and I think you know what it is. I play it every year. It's one of my favorites. We're going to play that for you to get the holiday swing started. We're also going to be talking about a certain kind of food that we eat

that maybe turns us into cavemen a little bit. I think so. I ate some of this recently and felt very Neanderthal. uh we're going to get into the harland highway question of the day there's something out there that a certain creature won't eat and i'm going to talk about it uh on the show here today and also i believe aunt ruthie's calling in oh my goodness i hope she's not into too much trouble she's always out driving things always go wrong roger tells me we have a message a phone message from aunt ruthie so put on your seatbelt put on your

helmet. Here we go. It's the Harlan Highway. You're listening to Harlan Williams. Harlan, funny stuff, bro. Funny stuff. Keep it coming. Later. How long have you had this job? Long enough. He's fine as long as he gets his medication.

He doesn't get his medications. He's not fine. You just made a wrong turn. On to the Harland Highway. You're a groovy boy. I'd like to strap you on sometime. The Harland Highway You're all going to experience intense, mental, physical, strength. All right, hold tight on the Harland Highway Show.

Don't be doing. I'll do it, I swear to God. Don't be such a fucking pussy. You're new around here, ain't you? What's your name? You're listening to Harlan Williams. Welcome to the Harland Highway. Oh boy, can I do it? Can I do it? Please, can I do it?

Of course I can do it. It's my podcast. What am I asking for? And when I say, can I do it? I want to play the first Christmas carol of the season. And I do it every year because I love this song. I love this guy. It's my buddy Toby Huss.

And he did a movie with me called Down Periscope years ago. And we've been buddies ever since. And he wrote and sang this great Christmas. um carol i play it every year on the show i almost can't wait to get to christmas just so i can play it because it's funny it's catchy and it kind of kicks off the christmas season so i'm going to do it right out of the gate here i hope you enjoy it this is toby huss singing a great christmas time christmas carol classic here it is folks and joy this is snowballs was this time of year. About a year ago, I think, around the holiday seasons, and I was at home waiting for the old lady to get back. She'd been gone a couple weeks you see's. So I had a couple dozen hot toddies or so waiting for her there.

Huh. Finally the door opens up. Rudy! Hey, baby, it's been a while. Take off the dress. She don't. She gives me the stink eye. Where's the tree? What do you mean? What tree? It's Christmas Eve, Kazone. Oh! Yeah, I thought it was June. She says, that's it. That's it, Rudy, I'm leaving you. I've had enough. I can't stick no more. I found another guy. I'm gone.

Hold on, baby. What do you mean on Christmas Eve? You're leaving me? You found another guy? Who is this Joe? What's he got that I don't got? Well, he's really cute. Baby, it's me.

It's Rudy. He's got a short red suit. I know I ain't no beauty, but if you squint your eyes when the lights are low, you got one swell-looking skinny day go. Kids love him to boo. Was this more than a date?

She's got a sack alone No, you little ain't great Well, yesterday You're my lips smack up Now you're a sugar plum, nut cracker I did not forget Christmas No, I hunt some mistletoe in my pants Packer up!

There's snowballs like mine There's snowballs like the ones You're leaving behind You're gonna miss my Facts, spackling, crackling hot You'll log Wax Nuss Stileg for my steamy holiday nogs

He's jolly and bad Yeah, who is this pet? He's teatsa rosy and red Oh, I should have guessed Don't hit your ass on the way out the dough You ho-ho snow-blowing, ho-ho-ho-ho Oh, Merry Christmas, Rudy Blow it out your dingle

Don't go getting snooty Oh, so you bag the cringle So long, but don't forget my dear Oh, fat so comes but once a year There's snowbow We live up in the cold I like these I love his big North Pole

They jingle, jingle, jingle, jangle, jangle down below my knees. You're going to miss roasting my chestnuts. Oh, yes, ma'am. Good luck without my pink honey glazing holiday ham. Because there's snowballs like mine. There's snowballs like these twins you're leaving behind. And there's snowballs. Snowballs

Hey, look out, baby it is The snowballs And has snowballs like Those nutty, knocked out, not so Cuckoo stones, you're leaving behind Dear Santa Claus Thanks for nothing

P. P.S. Could you possibly Bring me a new bra Or, if not I don't know toss a couple of drunk elves in my bed or something A couple of your little helpers They help you They can help me pal

There it is There it is Oh gosh I love that song If you want to track some more down by my buddy Toby He goes under the name Rudy Kassoni And And it's a CD at Christmas CD.

It's called Rudy Kassoni Snowballs. You can find it online, I'm sure. And also look for the Rudy Kassoni. He does a live show. He's going to be doing a live show in Los Angeles coming up very soon. So make sure you get online. Look up Rudy Kassoni. He does a live Christmas variety show,

and it is naughty and nasty and funny and silly, and you've got to check it out. So look for Rudy Kassoni. on the interweb net base type thing. And there we go. The first Christmas carol of the season. Boy, that sounded almost like Santa Claus going, ho, ho, ho.

Imagine if Charles Nelson Riley was Santa Claus. Oh, oh, ho, ho, ho. Oh, ho. Mary. Oh, oh, oh, Christmas. missing. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. No, no, just be, that would be very, very distracting. Oh, oh, oh. All right, let's, let's, what are we doing today? The Harland Highway, question of the day. Oh, yeah, yeah, the question of the day. That's what we're doing.

Okay, so here is today's question, and this one stymies me. This one I do not understand. And maybe one of you pavement pounders has the answer. Okay? Here's the question of the day. Why don't ants like butter? Have you ever noticed this? I've noticed this.

If you leave jam or chocolate or syrup or meat or a baby on the kitchen counter, or on the floor or on your living room table, wherever you may leave these deposits. Ants, once they get wind of them, will show up and swarm them and eat them alive. They'll eat the jam, they'll eat the chocolate, they'll eat the syrup, they'll eat meat, they'll eat bread, just about anything.

These little ants will get in and eat anything. but one thing I've noticed, for whatever reason, they won't eat butter. I can leave a whole brick of butter out on the counter and the ants won't go near it. I've never seen an ant getting into the butter. And that makes me wonder what the hell is going on in butter that even ants won't eat it. I mean, these guys will eat, these ants will eat delicious raspberry preserves. and then you can see them out in the yard eating the eye sockets of a dead blue jay.

These things are like nature's miniature vultures. Like if you die, if you're in your garden working and you have a stroke and you die in your petunias, don't worry, the ants will start going in your ears and your nostrils and your eye sockets. Oh, yeah, it's grizzly, but these guys will eat anything. But God forbid they put some butter on it. You know, this was a really good biscuit until you put the butter on it.

You know, I really like this cord on the cob until you buttered it. Yeah, these shortcake cookies would be a lot better without the butter. Are you kidding me? There you go. If you're ever trekking through the jungle or you are out in your garden and you think you might have a stroke or a heart attack? Just baste yourself with butter. Rub it all over you like a body moisturizer. At least when you're dead, you'll have the dignity of not having ant infiltrate your corpse.

Hey, come on, guys. We got a dead one. Let's go. We got a stiffy. Everybody line up. Well, two, three, four, wait a minute. Hold on. Hold on.

It's covered in butter. Forget to leave this one. Yeah, but that corpse could feed us. that could feed our whole colony for 35 years. I told you it's covered with butter. Okay, got the message. Take it easy. So very strange. I don't know if there's something in butter that repels the ants,

if it's the salt, if it's just the dairy-rich, greasy. Maybe ants are worried about their hearts. Listen, I want to live to be 45 years old. gotta cut back on the butter, okay? What do you want me to have a heart attack? I'm lifting a grain of sand. I'm carrying a grain of sand from here to over there. I'm carrying an ant egg around.

Maybe I'm, you know, maybe I'm biting somebody. Well, you want me to have a stroke? I'm all full of gut. My little ant-harts are clogged up with butter? Are you kidding me? So I don't know. That's the Harland Highway question of the day. Why the hell don't ants eat butter?

The Harland Highway Question of the day. One cheeseburger with everything coming out. Let's talk about ribs, baby. Let's talk about ribs, baby. Let's talk about ribs, baby. Yeah, let's talk about ribs, okay? Can we do this? And I'm talking about,

I'm talking about the ribs you eat. It's just a weird, weird, weird, weird, weird, weird food to eat. And I know you're going, ribs aren't weird, Harland. What are you talking about? What do you mean ribs are weird, Harland? And stop enunciating, over-enunciating my name, Harland. They're weird, and you don't think about ribs, but think about them. When you eat ribs, thinking about you.

You're eating segments. of an animal's rib cage. I want you to feel your own ribs right now. You can do it. You can take your fingers, and while you're listening, I know people are watching, just touch your ribs.

Feel the little spaces in between. It's just a weird area of the animal to eat, the rib. It's probably the most primal area of the animal you can eat. You know, I mean, outside of maybe chewing on a, a shin bone or something. Just the concept of eating a rib, holding it in your hand and your teeth sinking into that soft, succulent meat

and tearing it from the bone and you're stuck with a bone in your hand. It's just weird, the rib. I know we eat everything else. You eat a steak, it's just a big piece of meat and a porch up with the rib you know it's the one piece of meat

you kind of pick up outside of like a chicken leg or something you just pick it off and you're like a caveman it's like it's like the beginning of Space Odyssey 2001

and think about your rib cage you know it's your rib cage it's like a it's like a bone suitcase you know think of all this stuff contained the rib cage, the heart, and the lungs, and who knows what other organs are hidden behind

the rib cage. And so it's like you're eating this case, this carrying case for organs. And the reason I'm bringing up is because I ate ribs the other night and I started getting creeped out while I was eating the ribs. I'm like, ooh! Wait, what am I doing? I'm peeling meat off a rib bone. and then I started thinking about my own rib cage and all the stuff contained inside my little magic rib box

and it just got weird so next time you're eating the ribs you know think about it think about being a caveman think about being primal think about opening the rib suitcase and all the hidden treasures inside

oh it's lovely it's just lovely hold on what we have okay you want to play it I mean I don't know why we want to play it they just go on and on and they don't go anywhere okay Rogers

telling me he checked the the voice machine, and it looks like we have a voicemail from Aunt Ruthie? Okay, well, I don't know why we play these, but let's put it on. Here we go. Here's another voicemail from my Aunt Ruthie from Rochester, New York. Go ahead, Roger, if it makes you happy. God. Hello.

Hello, Holland. This is a you, Angel. Hello. Oh, Angel, it's your Aunt Ruthie calling. I hope this finds you well, little Angel. Your Aunt Ruthie is... I'm just driving around. I'm doing some Christmas shopping

and finding something nice for your Uncle Harry over here in Rochester, New York. Oh, the streets are decorated. They've got Christmas lights up. Do you remember Little Holland? Do you remember, Angel, when you were a little... boy and you came over to Aunt Ruppie's house for Christmas morning when you were nine years old. Do you remember that?

And your uncle Harry had set an electric train track up around the bottom of the Christmas tree. Do you remember that, little angel? And you put your finger on the track and you tried to stop the train and the train cut the tip of your finger off. Do you remember that and you cried like a little baby? Hey, everybody. Who wants to have better sex? No? Yes? Yes. The answer is yes. You always want to have better sex. That's what you want it to be better, not worse. Trust me. And Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item plus free shipping. And more than that, Adam and Eve wants to make your

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So be sure to use this code Harland so you get your discount and 100% free shipping, code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. And we had to take you to the hospital and try and get your fingers stitched on. and that's why the end of your, I think it's your ring finger

on your left hand is all crooked like someone slammed it in a piano or something like that. And I don't know how your girlfriends react when you touch them down in the special area when you got a bent finger, but that's okay. You're still my little angel,

Farland. Oh, Ruthie misses you, listen, Angel, here's why I'm calling. I'm sorry to be drabbling on so I'm out driving. I'm going to do some Christmas shopping and the inside of my windshield is all, I tried to, I thought my windshield was all muddied up and starched up and swollen and whatnot, Arland. And I used the windshield spray. Oh God, oh God,

I think I got a Christmas cold coming, Ireland. Anyways, I tried to spray my windshield from the outside and it was all dirty and I realized the inside of my windshield hasn't been cleaned for such a long time, kind of like your uncle Harry's underpants. Anyhow, Angel, I can barely see and I don't know what to do. I don't want to crash into anyone hall and so I'm pulling over to the side. Hold on. I'm pulling over to the side. Excuse me. I've got a fogged up dirty windshield from the inside and I'm saying to you worst of the season to you

some son of a bitch just honked at I'm 82 years old and I'm driving around anyways I've pulled over Holland and I'm taking my hand and I'm trying to rub the scum off the inside of my windshield here

and I'm not oh my goodness I don't know what to do actually you know what I think I do what to do Holland I don't I'm going off of how the windshield sprayer sprays from the outside. You pull the button, Arland, and the sprayer, the blue liquid sprays out of the roof of the car or whatever the hell that's called. They think it's called the hood of the car, and it sprays all over the window and clears the fat fucking dragon flies that are squished all over there and the fucking dirty bird plop. I hate it when the birds plop all over my window, Holland.

It looks like a Sebastian Pollock painting or whatever the hell that freak's name is. And then you got your bumblebee stuck all over the window, Holland. It looks like some kid with a giant zit on his face, but it's striped because it's a bumblebee's assholes stuck to my window. And it looks like it wants to pop like a teen anyways, Holland. I know I'm getting... But I just figured out your ram,

Ruthie's going to try and clean the inside of a window, and I hope you don't mind, Holland, but I need your assistance with this. I'm going to try and put my legs up on the dashboard here. Hang on, Holland. Your Aunt Ruthie hasn't lifted her legs and spread them since Uncle Harry took me to the holiday inn over in. Where was it? I think it was Dayton, Ohio, for our 79th anniversary, the old bastard. actually tried to mount me in the holiday, and I'll never forget it was the 50s, that room 1251, and I'll never forget he threw his poor little back out, trying to mount me at 81 years old, Holland. All right, I'm trying to, oh my God, I'm putting my legs up on it, oh, I hit the horn. Oh, it says, excuse me, sorry, I'm trying to put my legs up on this.

I didn't honk on purpose. It's up yours. Hang on, all I'm getting my legs up. It's like I'm at the gynecologist off. There we go. I got my legs up. Oh, on the dashboard, I got the steering wheel kind of in between my legs, Holland. Oh, I haven't stretched this hard since the holiday end. Okay, now what I'm going to do, Holland, and I know this isn't ladylike,

but if I can't see out the window, I'm going to crash, Holland. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to sell. Oh, I hate to say this, you my little angel. Normally, I'd ask you to plug your ears, but your Aunt Ruthie's in trouble here. I'm going to spray the inside of the window, Holland. Okay, just like the blue stuff that comes out of the hood. I'm going to spray the yellow stuff that comes out of my hood, my hairy hood, if you know what I'm saying, Holland. Oh, my God, I haven't been this stretch since I was at Dr. Clamato's.

Dr. Clomato's gynaecology. Oh, I just tickled myself. I'm giggling, Hollen. Anyhow, I'll never forget when I was at Dr. Climatto's gynecology clinic. This was about two years ago, and I'll never forget at Holland. I had to go in for an examination, and I put my legs up the way a lady does, not to get too graphic for you, my little angel, but a lady puts a legs up for the gynaecology doctor, Dr. Clomatis. And I'll never forget, everyone in the examination room just stopped like they'd seen a fucking ghost of a polar bear or something.

They just all stopped, and they gathered around Aunt Ruthie's opening, and they all just ooed and awed, like they just saw Bambi for Christ's sake. The doctor and all his nurses, they were all just like, oh, look, oh, it's so cute. Oh, what a little darling. And, of course, Aunt Ruthie thought they were talking about my 81-year-old, you know, axe wound, Holland. And I don't like to use that word, but it's, it is what it is. That's what Uncle Harry calls it, the old axe wound. And that's what he called it that night at the holiday. And he yelled, he's like, holy axe wound.

Holy axe wound, he threw his back out. Stop honking at me. I'm talking about my hairy axe wound and unc-by-hung-by-ung-oh, God. I think I just twisted my back turning around. Anyways, all the doctors and nurses were standing around ooing and owing and owing, and I thought they were all just having a charm. They were charmed by Aunt Ruthie's high hall, and it turns out all.

And back in those days, you know, Aunt Ruthie was born in, I forget, I think it was the 20s, maybe. Oh, my God. memories going little angel anyhow I haven't shaved my puff ball for uh probably never and there's a lot of hair

down there all and and I'll be gosh damned if there wasn't a mouse in there and this was two years ago right around this time of year and all the doctors and then Dr. Clamato and the nurses they were all like oh look at the little mouse

in Aunt Ruthie's pumpkin pie patch It's like a little Christmas mouse It's like a little It was sticking its head out And it was I think it was eating a seed or something And his little fucking teeth were showing And it had little his little clod up fingers

And it was just perched there in all my hair Like a little bird in a nest all And ever since they saw that Christmas mouse You know what they call me They call me Christmas Ruthie Every time I go into the door guy in a college is Dr. Clamato's office. They call me, oh, here comes Christmas, Ruthie.

And one time they put a mousetrap on the table right near my olive oil garden. Anyways, Arland, here I go. I'm going to try and clean the inside of the window. I have Ruthie's go. I've got my panty hose. I've got the industrial-sized ones, the thick as, the thick as tar paper down here. I'm going to have to hang on. Let me get one of them.

Thank goodness Uncle Harry's got a little pocket knife attached to the key chain. Hang on, Arlen, let me cut a slit right in the middle of my pantyhose. Here we go. Oh, just a minute. Oh, I'm halfway up, Holland. Boy, these things are stubborn. It's like cutting through cardboard. Hang on. Stop honking at me, please.

I'm trying to cut a slit in my 1942 panty house so I can spray the inside of my window so I can see out of it. Son of a bitch, whore. Hang on, I'll... Oh, there it is, all, and okay. Oh, my goodness, the little Christmas mouse just ran out. Oh, my God, there he goes. He just went under the floor mat.

Oh, look at his little... beady eyes staring up at your Aunt Ruthie. Oh, I'm getting emotional Arland. Oh, my little Christmas mouse out of my Christmas patch, my Christmas tree farm. Oh, what a little angel is

little sparkly Christmas eyes. Don't worry, little friend. You can go back in once Aunt Ruthie cleans the window. Okay, here we go, Holland. I'm going to let it rip, and I'm trying to be a lady about this, Holland, please. Here we go.

Oh, it burns. I've never done a... Your Aunt Ruthie's never done a urine at this angle. Oh, squirting right over the steering wheel, Holland. Oh, there we go. Hang on. Oh, oh, it's all splashing all over the inside of the window, but I think it's working, Holland.

You know, sometimes they say urine is so strong if you get stung by a jellyfish. She could spray your urine on, and it will kill the jellyfish of some such bullshit. I don't know. Hang on. E, e, e, e, e, ah, e, ah, e, ah, uh, hang on, let me get test the tarpot right by the rearview mirror. Ah, ee, ah, okay, there we go, huh? Just a minute, someone's honk.

Don't honk in me! I'm an old lady. I'm painting inside my car to clear the window. Son of a bitch, you're lucky I don't. If I had a clogged window, I'd run over you. But because I care and it's Christmas, I'm peeing all over my inner window. Okay, I'm just going to rub it with my, with my guts and Kleenex here, up my sleeve of my sweater. Your Aunt Ruthie likes to keep Kleenex under the sleeve of his sweater in case she gets the sniffles. And sometimes I like to ball it up and stuff it up my nostrils so I don't have to smell your uncle Harry's rotten breath.

Oh, God, I just burped, Tallinn, I'm sorry. All right, here we go. Well, I'm just going to clean this up, Angel, and it's... Oh, already I can see clear out of the window. Oh, this worked fine. You know what, Angel, you don't even have to call me back. And Ruthie finally solved her own dilemma by herself all the way over here in Rochester. to New York, little pumpkin pie.

You're such a sweetie. Give Aunt Ruthie a call regardless. Just let me know how you're doing, Angel. I miss you so much. Oh, it smells in here. Christ, it smells like someone left a bowl of clam chowder underneath a couch and forgot about it or something. Good Lord, is that me?

Oh, God. Stop honking at me. It smells like clam chowder of urine in here. Like clam chowder, urine chowder. It's, ugh. Oh, I'm going to roll down the window hall, and I'm starting to choke. Anyhow, Angel, happy holidays. Give him, Ruby, a call when you have a shit.

Oh, my God, I'm going to fucking puke. Call me when you can. Oh, my Christ. Stop honking at me. Uh-huh. Is it? She hung up? Wow. Roger, why did you want to play that?

Because, oh my God. I love my Aunt Ruthie, but, you know, I'm trying to do an above-the-board podcast here, and as much as I love my Aunt Ruthie, just I feel like, and I'm just going to say it, she's tarnishing the show a little bit. I know these are innocent messages, but boy, does she get into some trouble? Maybe she shouldn't be driving.

And I hope no one was offended because I know she's old school and she used kind of that brackish old school language and has some odd old reference points. And that's just the way elderly people are. They grew up in a different time and place. And I guess I'm apologizing a little bit, but she doesn't mean anything by it. she's just kind of very natural but oh man well i hope aunt ruthie's okay i hope she got the inside of

her window cleaned and i think that's going to bring us to the end of the show roj um wow let's let's just uh take care of some announcements here and uh and and move on man so uh my last stand-up comedy show of uh 2014 that sounds kind of weird and final. Oh, I don't like that. That sounds too weird. Anyways, my last show of 2014, it just signifies that another whole year is past us by.

Oh, and we're all getting a little older and it's kind of heavy, man. But anyways, my last show of 2014 is in Indianapolis. And you can catch me at Crackers in Broad Ripple, December 11th to the 13th. get your tickets now go to my website harland williams.com and click on the stand-up comedy tour link and bingo you will get you can find the uh the link to purchase your tickets right there it's as easy as cleaning the inside of your windshield um wow um and then that's it that's it till 2015 i got no more announcements for you i mean i can give you a hint

As to what's coming up in January, it's an exciting January. I'm going to be working in Burbank, California, at Flappers. I'm going to be doing a one-night show on January 10th in Corona, California, at M15, Concert Hall, Bar and Grill. It's going to be awesome. We're going to be doing stand-up comedy and sketch comedy. I'm going to be at the Atlanta Improv, and I might have some exciting news. finalize it next podcast on the San Francisco SketchFest,

which comes up right at the end of January. And hopefully I have some good news about the San Francisco SketchFest. So we got SketchFest, we got Atlanta Improv, we got M15 Bar and Grill in Corona, California, which is going to be amazing. Cort McAowan, Sean Tweedley on the show with me. We're going to be doing stand-up and sketch, and then Flappers in Burbank, California,

and that's going to be January 16th and 17th. So check out Harlowiams.com. Go to my stand-up schedule. Get your tickets before they sell out, please. We don't want people upset in the first month of the new year. Also, while you're on the page, take a look around and see what's going on. I got all kinds of new stuff.

up on the new website there. You can purchase downloads now. We have downloads of some of my songs that I've done with my cousin Kevin from the Bare Naked Ladies. You can now download our hot pop tunes. You can buy my app, the Philopio app. You can, all kinds of stuff.

Just go there. And if you want to write to me, there's a form there that you can fill out and just write to me at Harlowwilliams.com. on the contact form, or you can call me at 3-2-3-739-4-3-3-0 and leave a message, hopefully not as long as Aunt Ruthie, but you can leave me a message. That's 3-2-3-7-39-4-3-0, and if I like your message,

it might get on the show. Who knows? And don't forget, this is very important. Please call in because Wally the elf from the North Pole. he wants to get phone calls from your children. If any of you pavement pounders have kids 15 years of age or younger, put them on the phone, let them tell Wally the elf what they want for Christmas from Santa Claus. Wally was on the last podcast.

We got a live feed right to Santa's workshop. Wally is the head elf, and he promises that he's going to take any of these Christmas requests straight to Santa. Now, whether you get them or not is out of Wally's hands, but we need your calls, and Wally's going to get on the line just before Christmas and play your calls and respond to the calls of your children. So you better call in.

We won't be able to put every child's call on the air, but the sooner you get your call in, the better. 3-2-3-739-4-3-0. I'm laughing because it's going to be fun. and Wally the Elf Wally the Elf is going to be there So make sure you call And that's it

That's all I got for you What a show And happy holidays to everyone Look forward to getting into some more Christmasy podcasts with you guys Holiday podcasts It's a great time of year Let people know you care

Buy them a gift Everyone seems to be friendly and nice So keep that vibe going here in December And as I said I'm wishing everyone the best Happy holidays, best time of year And until next time Chicken

Chau-May Baby Don't hit your ass on the way on the dough You ho-ho snow blowing ho-ho-ho Oh Merry Christmas Rudy Blow it out your dingle Don't go getting snoo So you back the cringle

So long but don't forget get my dear old fat so comes but once a year there's snowfalls will live up in the coat I like these I love his big North Pole

They jingle, jingle jingle, jingle down below my knees You're gonna miss roast in my chestnuts Oh yes ma'am Good luck without my pink honey glazed Holiday ham

Because there's snowballs Like my There's snowballs Balls like these twins, you're leaving behind. And there's snowballs. Snowballs! Hey, look out, baby it is. There's snowballs.

Snowballs. And there's snowballs like those nutty, knocked out, nuts or cuckoo stones, you're leaving behind.