The Harland Highway - 632 - WALLY the Xmas elf calls in. Celebrity races. Harland buys a tree.

Episode Date: December 18, 2014

Wally, Santas #1 elf, takes calls from the children of listeners. Another great race at the Celebrity Races. Harland buys his Xmas tree. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Fahoo, Farris, Gahoo, Gauri's, welcome Christmas, come this way. Fahoo, Fahooleu, Farris, Fahue, oh, did it end? Wow, hey, welcome, everybody, to Christmas is kicking into gear here at the Harland Highway. Thank you for being here. What a show, want a show, on a show, you know, today, I'll tell you that much, baby. Great show today. Oh, my God. This is a milestone of a show.

We are going to be going to the Celebrity Racetrack, the Harland Highway Celebrity Racetrack, where we got some incredible celebrities racing today. First Lady, Michelle Obama. We've got the Grinch that stole Christmas, Barbara Walters and others, racing down the celebrity racetrack. It's going to be a nail-biter, as it always is.

Oh, yes. I'm going to talk about, I finally got my Christmas tree. Got to talk about that, man. That was an adventure for me this year, getting the old Ixmas tree. And then also, oh, my God, this is amazing. People have been calling in. We're going to be going live on the phone to the North Pole

to talk to Wally, the Christmas elf. And we're going to be, he's going to be listening to your phone messages. Pavement Pounders had their children. phone in and ask Wally for presents and all this great stuff. And so Wally's going to be here. Now, warning to the parents, Wally's very colorful. He's been known to use profanity and some off-color language. So before you let your kids hear this, make sure they're used to a little truck driver talk.

So here we go. It's the Harland Highway. You're listening to Harlan Williams. Harlan. Funny stuff, bro. funny stuff keep it coming later how long have you had this job long enough he's fine as long as he gets his medication he doesn't get his medications he's not fine you just made a wrong turn onto the harland highway you're a groovy boy i'd like to strap you on sometime the harland highway you're all going to experience intense mental physical strength All right, hold tight on the Harland Highway Show. Don't be doing.

I'll do what, I swear to God. Don't be such a fucking pussy. You're new around here, ain't you? What's your name? You're listening to Harlan Williams. Welcome to the Harland Highway. Welcome, welcome, welcome, Fahu, Ramos. Welcome, welcome.

Welcome, Fahu, Foresha. I don't know what they're saying. I don't know if the Who's and Whoville or singing in Welsh or Latin. I don't know what it means. Fah, who's, for yeesh, fa fish, for skin. I don't know. But I sure do like the sound of it.

I should have liked the imagery of all the who's, friends and neighbors, community, standing in a giant circle in the center of town, holding hands. Rocking back and forth, singing in harmony together. Can you imagine that happening nowadays? Actual strangers, neighbors holding hands and singing. Oh, my God.

You might as well get Ebola at that point. So Christmas is upon us. Everyone, I hope, is happy and celebrating and feeling good about the holidays. I bought my Christmas tree the other day. And it's the first time I didn't have my pickup truck. I actually had a rental car because my pickup truck is, my pickup truck's gone and I'm getting ready to buy something new. And so I was like, holy smokes.

I'm used to just like throwing a couple of Christmas trees in the back of my pickup truck. And that's the end of it, right? No, no, not this time. This time I had to get the guy, the Christmas tree clerk to come out and tie it to my roof and run the strings through the car, through the windows, through the open doors, over the top.

And I'm driving around, and it's all windy and twisty. I've got to go through the hills in Los Angeles. And I'm just picturing this thing flying sideways, going off, and landing in the middle of the road. Because the one I bought has a stand already on it They hammer like two slats of wood at the bottom So there's already a stand And I'm picturing my tree flying off the back of my car

And just standing in the middle of the road And some guys like driving behind me like Okay like this is a highway right And why is there a seven foot tree in the middle of the road Okay are the trees alive or the tree's moving Is that what I'm asking? Can somebody help me? the trees getting out of the forest for the holidays and coming to the road because we need

some tree crossing signs here i'm telling you uh but i made it i made it uh made it home i got my tree i'm so excited i got a i got to go in and decorate it today got to go on and put the i like to put the lights around it oh i like to put the uh decorations on i always like to put something funky up on the top. I don't know. Most people put a star. I like to put goofy things. Like, I have a little statue, a little toy, um, little toy doll of Shaggy from Scooby-Doo. I like to put him up on the top. Like I'm on the top of the Christmas tree Scoob. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Like it's the ghost of Christmas pass Scoob. Uh-oh. Like I check that. It's the ghost of Christmas.

Christmas Future Scoob! Oh! Too soon. So anyways, I like to get creative. I like to put toys around the bottom of the tree. Not wrapped toys, but I have some old, like, metal, forged metal, like an old tractor and a spaceship and a rocket. And I like to put, like, toys around the bottom of the tree.

I like to put one of those drapes around the bottom of the tree. So it's nice and soft and cushy. I used to put that white fake snow stuff around the bottom of the tree. And then one year I had a puppy, had a little black chihuahua. And he decided that was his opportunity to run through a cloud or something. And I went out to do some stuff. I came home and there was like white, fluffy, fake snow all over my house.

It took me like most of all Christmas to clean it up. thanks to fisherman Bob my little black chihuahua so yeah looking forward to decorating the tree and it's going to be fun whenever you got the tree up that's like officially christmas time and all the radio stations are playing the the christmas carols and all that so it's very christmassy and uh today later in the show we have a very special treat wally the christmas elf oh my god santa's very right-hand man is going to be taking your phone messages that you left for him and delivering the word right to Santa, hoping that you guys get the presents you want, that the kids called, they left the messages. Fantastic. So we'll see how that goes with Wally.

He can be a little edgy sometimes, but, you know, I think it's going to be good. I think it'll be a good thing for the kids. So a little later on in the show, Wally, the Christmas Elf, and all kinds of fun stuff today. Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen, I'm Charles Parsley, and welcome to the Holland Highway's celebrity racetrack. We have an excellent race lined up today with some incredible celebrities, Michelle Obama. First Lady to President Obama, Barbara Walters, journalist extraordinaire, the Grinch from the Grinch that stole Christmas, and Anne Hathaway, actress from films like The Devil Wears Prada, Catwoman, and other incredible movies, Les Miserables. They are lining up in their stalls, getting ready.

There's some jostling going on. It proves to be a good race today. Beautiful weather, and there they go. They are off. They are off. They are pounding down the track. Look at the celebrities go. The look of determination in their eyes. And it looks like Michelle Obama has taken an early lead running down the track. Her hair flowing in the wind. And here comes Anne Hathaway. Anne Hathaway coming up behind. The Grinch that stole Christmas moving in between them. And Barbara Walters. Barbara Walters coming in the rear. She's very old. It's understandable.

And it looks like she's tripped. Barbara Walters is. down. It looks like her groomers and her trainers have run out onto the track. They put a rifle to her head. Oh, and they put Barbara Walters down. But wait a second, Barbara Walters refuses to stay down. She's getting up and she's continuing down the track. She's trying to catch up to Michelle Obama. Mochelle Obama stopped. She's stopped and she's planting vegetables in the middle of the dirt track. She's tilling the soil. She's planting the seeds and she's watering the seeds with her own urine. Oh, my goodness.

Has she gone a bit too far with her health kick? The Grinch that stole Christmas decides to join in. He's standing there, pissing on the vegetable patch and on First Lady President Obama's Michelle Obama's leg.

Oh my God, and there goes Anne Hathaway. Anne Hathaway's taking a lead. She's running down the track and wait. Anne Hathaway stops. She takes out some scissors and some trimming shears. It looks like she's taking out some makeup removal. She's taking off all her makeup. She's taking off all her makeup and cutting

her beautiful long locks of hair. Oh my goodness, it's like her turn in Les Mislisleramble. She's trying to make herself look as ugly as possible, even though she's stunningly gorgeous. And her hair is coming out in clumps and tufts. She's got rashes on her face from scrubbing away the makeup, and she looks hideous. And she's done it many times. Her last movie, Interstellar. She's scrubbed away all her makeup and looked like a full-grown man. And here comes Barbara Walters. Barbara Walters is passing the lot. She's pan, all of a sudden, her legs have snapped.

Her legs have snapped, and her trainers, her handers have come out, and they've put two rifles to her head. Oh, oh, they've just taken two shot right through the skull. Barbara Walters has been put to sleep once and for all. And the Grinch that stole Christmas sees Anne Hathaway down the length of the track. He starts running. He starts running. He runs by her. He stops and tells her she's an ugly fuck.

Oh, my goodness. The whole crowd could hear it. He said she's an ugly fuck. And Barbara Walters is back up. She tries to run and she's down again, and they're shooting her with a machine gun. They want to make sure this woman stops coming back, just like in her career. And Michelle Obama has a cucumber stuck in a bottom. It's jumped up into a bare bottom.

Oh, my goodness, Michelle Obama is spinning around in circles, one of her own cucumbers. has somehow climbed its way up the First Lady's bottom and Barbara Walters laying on the track her legs twitching it looks like she might get back up again Barbara Wyatt, no, they run out and they shoot it before she can even stand and Ann Hathaway, Ann Hathaway

now rubbing mud and manure all over her face to ensure that one of the most beautiful women in Hollywood looks as ugly as possible just like she does in all her movie roles no one can understand it and it looks like the Grinch is running by and smacks her in the head with a shovel. Anne Hathaway thanking him for the bruises and the contortions to her face. It's as if she wants to look horrible. And there goes the Grinch

running down the track, pulling his pants down, pulling the green hairy moon at the crowd. He's all alone in the field. The wait here comes Barbara Walters. She's streaming down the track, her head bleeding. She can't be stopped. She's caught the Grinch. The Grinch kicks her rate in ovaries he's stopping on her he's stopping on her she won't stay down and now he's taken out it looks like an axe and chopped her head off but a body gets up and oh my god this is incredible barbara walters old ancient 300 year old body it gets up it's running for the finish line it's got no head barbara walters barbara walters has won today at the celebrity racetrack and the grinch is so unhappy he's beating the shit out of

Van Hathaway, who seems to be encouraging him to do more so she can look as ugly as possible. Michelle Obama covered in a salad in the middle of the track. My goodness, what an incredible race here at the Holland Highway Celebrity Racetrack. Until next time, I'm Charles Pazley. You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch. You really... are a heel. You're as cuddly as a cactus.

You're as charming as an eel. Mr. Grinch, you're a bad banana with a greasy black heel. Okay, I got to stop the song. I got to stop it, Rod. Stop the song. I'm getting, uh, Rod just giving me the thumbs up from the control booth. Hey, everybody.

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Have fun. Don't throw your back out. I think what you're saying is Wally the elf is on the line. Oh my God, I'm so excited. This is Wally the Elf, Santa's right-hand elf. this is a call coming right in from the North Pole and we're going to be playing some of the calls that the children sent in for Wally

so that he can get the toy list right to Santa and I guess Wally's in the Santa's workshop right now this is incredible okay Rogers saying we got to put them through here we go let's put them through Wally hello And I'm telling you, you've got the doll's head glued on upside down, so turn it around. Don't you give me that look? Hold on. Hello. Hello. Hello, Wally. Hello, this is Wally, yes. This is Harlan Williams from the Harlan Highway podcast.

Oh, yes. How are you? We're very busy up here. It's going crazy. It's like a madhouse up here. Everybody, all the elves are nailing things and gluing things. We're going out of control up here. I can hear the activity in the background, Wally, and we certainly appreciate you taking the time to listen to some of our phone calls from the pavement pounders kids. The what? The pavement pounders? What the hell is a pavement pounder?

The people that listen to the podcast, Wally, we call them pavement pounders. Stupid. Now, Wally. Okay. Okay, what do you have you? Let me hear some of the calls. We'll hear the kids. I'll get the, I whisper into Santa Claus's ear. We'll see what we can do for the kids, the little angels. Okay, here we go, Wally. Are you ready for the first call? Let it rip. Wally's ready to go. Oh, this is so fun. I love the little angels. Okay, here we go. First call.

Hi, Wally, this is Tres from Indiana. Tell Santa I want a picture of Sam, Anna Ruda. love you oh my god what did she say at the end play that back oh the little a christmas angel i think she said she loved you wally let me hear it from her i don't want to hear it from a full grown man do you have sideburns by the way uh yes did you think i want to hear i love you from a full grown man with sideburn oh my god play it again from the little kid okay here it is wali Wowie, I love you Oh my God The Christmas Angel

Oh my God Did you hear that That just warms my Christmas Heartstrings Oh my God Oh that's just one Give me a moment I just got to breathe

Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh see you know That's what Christmas Is all about Spreading the love

Spreading the love Hold on a second Hey I thought I told you to put that doll's head on the other way. Well, now it's sticking out of a rib cage. Put it on the shoulders, you dumb. Oh, play it one more time.

That just warms my jingle bells. Wally, I love you. Ah, I just want to lay down on the floor and have a Christmas stroke. Oh, I want my legs to be spasming and kicking around with my little curly elf shoes on. I can never get enough of the children loving Wally. Now, what did she say she wanted? Christmas. I think she said she wanted a picture of, was it Santa Claus and Rudolph and maybe even you? Well, play your backside, buns. Let me hear it. Come on. Okay, Wally, here it is.

Tell Santa I want a picture of him and a Rudolph. Oh, my God, I can think of a better thing to warm up to Santa when you ask him for a picture. Oh, what a Christmas angel. I wish I could hang a candy cane off this kid's face. I mean, what a little Christmas angel. What was the kid's name again, and where was she from? Let me check. I think she said she was from Indiana. Well, why don't you check the message and get it right? Wow, okay, Wally, sorry.

It's all you got to do is play the message back, Sideburns. You know, if you could not call me Sideburns, that would be something. Well, look at you, trying to tell me the head elf how to speak. Sorry, Wally. Sorry. Just play the kid's name and where she's from. Coming right up, Wally. Here we go. Hang on. Hi, Wally. This is Tris from Indiana. I'm sorry. What did she say your name was? Was it Chris?

No, I think Chris is a guy's name. Well, maybe it could be a girl's name. It sounded like Chris. I think she said Trish, Wally. Well, I don't know what it is. Chris, Trish. Now, I don't I just call a fish for crying out loud. Well, that wouldn't be very nice. Let me tell you, Fish, thank you for your phone call. I know it gets cold underwater this time of you, your little angel.

I'm going to put the word in Santa's ear. You want a picture of him and Rudolph. Not me. You know, I'm not upset. You know, Wally's not upset. Sure, just get one of the damn reindeer that lives out in the barn, but not me who sleeps right down the hall from Father Christmas himself. That's okay.

I still love you, Chris. I think it's Trish, Wally. Well, I don't know. I come from Indiana. Yes, Indiana. All right, Christopher, thank you for calling. Do we have another call? I've got a lot. Hang on. Would you not put that birdhouse in your underpin? Pull it out. Pull it out. Oh, my God. Okay, who's next?

All right, Wally, here's the next call. Hi, Arlen. My name is Joseph, and I'm for in Chino, California. and I want you to tell Wally or Willie Santa Claus, whatever your friend's name is, that I want a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, toastal

coasters, strudel muffin makers. You better tell him, or I'll kick your ass. Bye, Harlan. What the hell was that? Uh, Wally, I...

No, what, that kid sounded like he's going through puberty or something. What the... What was wrong with that kid? I don't know, Wally. It sounded like he... I'll tell you what it sounded like. It sounded like that kid just got his first pubic hair,

and he's learning out a talk in a new register. That's what it is. But God bless him. Maybe he can join the choir and sing some Christmas carols. Oh, I'm getting emotional. He's got his first Christmas pubic hairs. Oh, they're all curled up like candy canes. Uh, Wally, that's...

There's kids listening. Well, I don't. Okay, when I get choked up over Christmas, I get joked up over Christmas. You just can't shut it off. What did he say his name was? I think it was Joseph. And it sounded like he wanted to beat the living crap right out of you. What do you do to him?

I didn't do anything to him, Wally. I don't know what the hell his problem was. And what the hell did he want from Santa Claus? A roasted, toasted, onion muffin, falafled wafers or something? It was a little confusing there, Wally. I've never heard anything like it, but it sounds delicious. Oh, my God, I hope I'd find one of those in my stalking. A stuffle-fluffle, waffle, muffle, rumple muffin.

Let me play it back for you. Yeah, well, hurry up. I got a lot to do. Hang on. No, do not put the glue on your bottom. Oh, my God. Hurry up. Play it back.

That I want a peanut butter and jelly. Toastel Toaster, Scruttle Luffin' Maker Okay, I get it So the retarded children Call into your show, right?

Wally, that's not very appropriate. Well, that guy sounded like he had a hockey helmet on And it was done up About seven feet too tight. Wally? All right, what else you got? Hurry up.

I got lots to do. I got to get this Santa. Oh, my little Christmas angels. Okay, here's the next call, Wally. Hello Hello Hello Hello

I'm saying Hello What What did she just say? You have to say your name I just hear giggling Okay saying?

Does anyone know what that kid just asked for? It sounded like she was bobbing for apples or something. Does someone have a head underwater? It sounded like, was somebody waterboarding that child? Wally, please. I think it was a little girl laughing, and she

I think her parents were trying to kind of egg her on. Oh, don't tell me. I know about all this waterboarding stuff. It sounded like she was underwater and gasping Ferreira or something. If somebody had a burlap sack over her head or something, the little angel. I hope she's okay. Maybe the Christmas tree fell on her face.

I don't know. Oh, my God. She sounded cute as a little giggling angel. A little Christmas giggling angel. Oh, let me get my emotions. I'm going to have a tear drop. I'm going to have an elf tear drop. Oh, just let me get my breathing.

Hang on a second. Would you please? Put that dump truck together right. You've got the wheels on back with your stupid mark. I'm sorry. Wally, you sound really stressed out. Can we just get to another call, please? I didn't understand a word that kid said.

I mean, God bless her. She's a little angel. Thank you for calling in, little angel. Play her giggles once more. It makes me feel warm like someone spilled a scalding hot chocolate in my lap. Play it again. Okay, Wally. Oh, my God, I'm so emotional.

I mean, that's what Christmas is all about right there, isn't it? Can I stop and just say that's what Christmas is all about the children, the goddamn children, crying and giggling. Wally, just to pepper down the language a bit. I can't help it if I'm emotional. Did you hear that child giggling? It brings tears to my little elf eyes. Hold on a second.

Now! No, you do not put Raggedy Andy on top of Raggedy Ann. That's sexual. Take them off. And I just get so choked up when I hear the children giggling because that's what Christmas is all about. Wally, you need a Kleenex or anything? Play another message. I've only got time for one or two more.

And then I've got to get back to these elves. Okay, here we go, Wally. Hey, Oral. It's Arl, you little motherfucker. Sorry, Harold, and that was my grandpa. Uh, this is Matthew, and I just wanted to call to ask the little midget man up to the no paul. Noh, no pa, if I could have a friend for Christmas. Oh, that's so cute.

Because Grandpa reaps my bum bum. Get off the phone with you, little motherfucker. Wait, what was that last part? Oh, my God. What was that last part? I don't know, Wally. We'll just get rid of that call. Did I hear that Grandpa rapes his bum-bom?

Oh, my God. What are you stammering about? Did Grandpa rape your bum-bub? Wally, please. There's children listening. My God. Well, that's horrible. My God, all he wanted was a friend.

Let me tell you this, whatever your name was. Let's just say David, because I don't have time to listen to it back, David. The fact that you just want a friend for Christmas, let me tell you this, Wally's your friend. Okay, Wally, the head elf of Santa, is your friend in your time and need. Whether it's before Grandpa raped your bum bum, whether it's after Grandpa raped your bum bum, or whether it's right in the middle of Grandpa raping your bum bum.

By the way, isn't that a Christmas carol? Grandpa raped my bum bum. No, Wally. I don't believe Grandpa raped my bum. my bum-bum is a Christmas carol. Well, it certainly has that ring to it, doesn't? Grandpa raped my bum-bomb by the twinkling Christmas light. Oh, Grandpa Rape.

Wally, if you wouldn't... Grapper raped my bum-bomb by the Christmas jingle light. Wally, it's not a song. Okay, you don't have to yell at me anyways. I'm your friend. Okay, Wally, the head elf, is the friend to everybody. Everybody, every little child. need a moment here. Oh, my God. I'm getting all alpha-emotional. It's a new word. I just made it up. Elph-emotional.

Oh, little angel. Oh, if I could only stop the Grandpa Bum-Bum-Bram Rapes for Christmas. That's what Wally would want for Christmas. I'll put a special word into Santa, whatever your name was, Stephen, or Carl, or what? I don't have time to know his name, but I'll make sure that cross that off of Santa's list. No more Grandpa Raped Bum-Bum-Rap. Bada. Do the Grandpa raped Wally, that's not a Christmas, Carol. I'm sorry, I get carried away. Listen, I'm real busy. Hold on. Would you get Raggedy and off of the...

Oh, my God. Have you got Raggedy Andy on top of Teddy Ruxpin now? That's called Beastie Allity. Get them off. I'm sorry. Teddy Ruxpin was screaming. I think some Grandpa Bum Bum Raping was going on over there in the toy shop.

I have time for one more. I'm sorry. I've got to get back. We're getting so close to Christmas. Give me one more call, and I'll just, I have to be on my way. Okay, you've got it, Wally. Here we go. The final call for Wally the Elf.

Here it is. Hey, Harlan. This is Zach Tallinn. I'm listening to your podcast this morning with Willie the Elf on it, and Willie sounds an awful lot like you're at Ruthie. I couldn't get over the fact of not Willie the Lolley. My apologies, but Wallyel sounded an awful like your Aunt Ruby, and I couldn't get over that. Just wondering if there somehow maybe really did.

But until next time, Chalman. Whoa, my God. What the hell is he talking about? Well, Wally, I hate to agree with him, but you sound a little bit like I have an aunt. Oh, really? Is she single? No, she's married to my Uncle Harry. Oh, what a bummer. Thanks for the Christmas Christmas. talk teeth. Wally, please. There's children listening. Well, don't throw fresh meat in front of the tiger if you're not going to let them eat.

Oh, Wally, listen. Who is this Aunt Ruthie for crying out loud? It's my Aunt Ruthie. She's getting old. She's 95. Hello, that sounds like something I'd be interested in. Wally, please. Listen, I got to get going, okay? Whatever your Aunt Ruthie is, give her my number for Christ's sake, okay? I got a candy cane and some Christmas clubs ready for her, all right? Wally!

Hey, hold on. Would you stop it? Both of you, stop picking each other's noses. This is a toy factory, not a booger plant. My God, it's like the cheesecake factory for retards up here. Wally! You got to calm down. I don't got to do anything.

I've got to go. Merry Christmas, everyone. Thank you for all the children for calling in. Oh, my God. I get so emotional. you know. I'm going to say whisper into Santa's ear, make sure everybody getting their presents. I'm going to

do my... What? What? What? Raj, what happened? He just got cut off. What happened there? I think he hung up. What? Why? I don't know. We hung up. Okay. Well, he did say he was super busy, and can you blame him? We're just

like days away from Christmas. So I guess we should just be thankful that we had him in here. Everyone who called in for Wally the Christmas elf. Thank you so very much. That was exciting. That was very Christmassy.

And again, we apologize. Wally's a little rough around the edges. There was a little colorful language in there. And hopefully you shielded the kids, as we suggested at the beginning of the show, from any of that kind of off-color elf talk. Wow. But overall, I think it was a good call.

I think, you know, Santa will be happy to hear from some of the people out here in the real world. And hopefully, Wally gets the message to him. So thank you, everyone. And next year, we're going to do it again. So if you want your kid to be on the Harland Highway and get to interact with Wally, the Christmas help, you know, you better make sure you call them. next year. I know a lot of you were like, oh, maybe we should, but you didn't think Wally was real. Uh, but you just found out he's real and he's pretty high, strong.

Imagine the stress being the head elf in Santa's workshop, just a week away from Christmas pretty much. It's no wonder he's fired up and it sounded like the elves were misbehaving and you heard it all. So thanks for calling in everyone. And, uh, wow, let's, let's, uh, leave it right there. I don't think we can top that, Roger. Although I am a little pissed that you let them hang up just like that, Roger. You don't have to yell at me to your stupid show. I don't think I was yelling, Raj, and it's not a stupid show. It's just that was a very unique guest.

We get them once a year, and, you know, whatever. Anyways, let's do some announcements, and we'll wrap the show up there. So let's see. What's going on here, gang? It's really just, you know, a week away from Christmas. So Merry Christmas. Happy New Year. This is exciting.

And let's talk about the new year. My first gig of the year is going to be in Corona, California, at the M-16 Concert Hall and Grill. It's going to be awesome. One night only Saturday night. It's January 10th. 10th in Corona, California, and it is going to be a blast. We're going to be doing stand-up comedy and, and-and-and-and-and-some improv comedy.

So you've got to be there. It's going to be great. It's a great facility, and we're going to have a blessed. Cort McCowan will be there. Sean Tweedley will be there. I'll be there. Three great comedians, if I do say so, myself. And, yuck.

So get out there. and then January 16th to 17th, I'll be at Flappers in Burbank, California. Right down there in downtown Burbank, great comedy club. That's the 16th, the 17th. And then January 22nd to the 24th, I'll be at the improv in Atlanta. Atlanta, Georgia, ladies and gentlemen. What a treat. What a great way to kick off the new year.

And then I think if you listen to Adam Carolla's podcast, I believe I'm going to be on there, the 7th or the 8th of January. So you get to hear yours truly on a different podcast other than this one. Also check out Harlan Williams.com. It's been all retooled, redesigned, remodeled. It's got an amazing store. It's got all kinds of audio and visual things you can look at.

You can listen to songs that I've done with my cousin, my band, me and my cousin. and have called The Cousins. You can watch rock videos of us, which is frightening, but they're kind of funny and ridiculous. You can listen to clips. You can download my new comedy album, Crowd Control, Volume 3, which is just a whole hour of me going at it

with hecklers and crazy people in comedy clubs. It's a lot of fun. It's only like $1.99. So I'm trying to do, little things to help pay for the podcast where I don't make any money. And after 600 episodes, you know, every little thing helps. And plus you get to laugh your ass off. Also, go to the store at Harlowwilliams.com.

We've got all the crazy stuff. You can call me. You can leave a phone message. 323-739-4-3-3-0. That's 3-2-7-39-4-3-3-0. Number is on the site. and you can write me there too. There's a contact form.

If you want to write me, just go into contact at harlemwilms.com. Also, click on the YouTube channel subscription button. I'm going to be uploading a lot of wacky videos in the new year, and you don't want to miss out on those. Those are free. They'll be coming right to you. If you subscribe to my YouTube channel,

you will also get the videos coming to you, and hopefully they make you laugh, to smile on your face as well. Oh, I'm almost out of breath. So there you go. Thank you for tuning in. Thanks again for everyone calling and putting their kids on the phone.

Merry Christmas, everybody. And until next time, chicken. Chalmayne, baby? Lowy, I love you. The three words that best describe you are as follows, and I quote, stink, stank, Stunk

Wally, I love you.