The Harland Highway - 640 - Harland test drives a Tesla car. Crazzzzyyy news stories

Episode Date: January 15, 2015

Harland is amazed wafter taking an electric Tesla car for a test drive. Also, a man that is part car??? Shift into a drift!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Go Granny, go, granny, go, granny, go. Yeah, I'm singing an old Beach Boys song, that, you know, the theme of it being cars. And that's because today's show kind of, I realized when I got finished it, it kind of revolves around cars. We are going to be discussing a very modern, futuristic car that I got real excited about. Yours truly went for test drive in the electric Tesla car. And I want to share that experience with you guys and kind of share my thoughts on how it went and what it meant. And I got very excited about the Tesla. Also, we're going to be talking about a very, very strange story about a man who, how shall I say it?

Let's just say this man is part car and part human being. and I'm not going to give it all away, okay? This is an interesting story. It's a funny story. It's a weird story. But I'll leave it right there. I don't want to give away all the goodies. You have to listen to the story to hear what it's all about.

So weird, strange. I'm going to be talking about the Tesla, and it's going to be a whole lot of fun. It's going to be scientific. It's going to be modern, weird and strange, because that's how we like it right here on the Harlan. Highway You're listening to Harlan Williams

Harlan, funny stuff bro Funny stuff Keep it coming Later How long have you had this job Long enough He's fine as long as he gets his medication He doesn't get his medications

He's not fine You just made a wrong turn On to the Harland Highway You're a groovy boy I'd like to strap you on sometime The Harland Highway You're all going to experience intense, mental, physical, strength. All right, hold tight on the Harland Highway Show.

Don't end me doing. I'll do it. I swear to God. Don't be such a fucking pussy. You're new around here, ain't you? What's your name? You're listening to Harlan Williams. The rotten luck. Welcome to the Harland Highway. Oh boy.

that was that was the sound of take a guess what do you think Lamborghini Ferrari uh stock car I don't know that was the sound of a Tesla and I don't mean that sound that you just heard it was just that that sound was just a sound effect of a fast car but that's what it feels like when you're in a Tesla oh my God I couldn't believe it I uh I went for a test drive of a Tesla the other day and before I get into how that went let me tell you why I went for a test drive of the Tesla

it's time for me to get a new car and you know I'm looking around the car landscape and you can do this if you want stand in any parking lot anywhere or just look out your car window when you're driving and everything's pretty much the same You know, you got the motor under the hood, you got the CD player in the dashboard, I don't even think they have those anymore.

But you got the air conditioners and the seats and the, oh, the trunk pops open if you press a button, and there's navigation and there's this and there's that. But at the end of the day, man, all cars, to me at least, feel kind of the same. trucks feel kind of the same and you know I've been driving since I was 16 and the whole dynamic of the motor vehicle has not really been altered all that much you know the styles of change

some of the materials they use have changed but the car at its core to me and I'm talking about to me is not all that much more different than it was and I know there's a lot more electronics and stuff like that but there's nothing that gets in my head personally that makes me go oh my god a car i love this car i want to you know and so i've been i've been procrastinating and getting a new car for for almost half a year i've been renting a car because i've been so bored

you know i go well maybe i'll go look at an infinity oh man you know i drove i used to have a mercedes bends oh maybe i'll go look at another mercedes which, by the way, was a great car, engineered, great, fast, handled well. I loved it. And then I've been driving a pickup truck for years. I'm like, I love that. But I'm like, you know, nothing really changes that much. They all kind of look and sound the same and blah, blah, blah.

So I'm out somewhere and I go in the showroom of a Tesla place. And I go in and I start asking questions, and I'm looking at the car. And granted, right out of the gate, physically, the Tesla does not look that much different than what's out there. You probably wouldn't pick it off at first glance. But the whole infrastructure of the car and the assets of the car are completely different in this consumer's opinion.

And I was just freaked out and super-stimulated. I went in the showroom, you know, they showed me all the things, and they talked about all the things. And the main thing is that it's an electric car if you don't know what the Tesla is. It's an electric car. And this is me sitting in the showroom. I go, oh, could you start it up, sir? I'd like to hear how the engine sounds.

And he goes, what? And I said, well, I just want to hear how the engine sounds. He goes, well, there is no engine. And I go, well, you know, well, I, well, I, I want to hear all it sounds. He goes, well, you're hearing it. And I go, no, no, I'd like to start it up. And he goes, this is all you're going to hear.

And I said, what? He goes, nothing. And I'm going to hear nothing? He goes, yeah. I'm like, whoa. All of a sudden, I go, he goes, there's an electric motor under the hood. And in our fancy model, there's two electric motors. And I was just like, oh, my God.

So this thing just runs completely. silent and he goes yeah there's no exhaust and you don't need any gas and you don't need any oil and you don't need any uh you don't ever have to put gas in it you don't have to go in and and lubricate your your transmission because there's no transmission it just goes i'm like wait what like it almost didn't compute with me because we're all so used to the traditional car right and all of a sudden i realized there's no gas tank and all this stuff you know that the temperature gauge and the oil gauge and, you know, all that stuff, the spark plugs and all this stuff,

all this stuff that, all these working parts that all of a sudden seemed really antiquated. I almost felt like going out and cranking up my old car with a thing on the front. You know? And suddenly I find myself getting, I start to feel a little twinge of excitement. I'm like, oh, oh, oh, wait, what's going on here? Is this something new and fresh and stimulating? Is this something outside of the cars we've been driving for the last 50, 60 years? So I started getting excited, and then I decided, well, I want to go for a test drive.

So I set it up, and I went for a test drive just the other day. And, oh, my God, here's what I didn't even factor in. Okay, I thought electric car maybe it probably hits about 60 miles an hour and kind of just motors along and I get it. You're protecting the environment. You're not using up gas. But the downside of that is you don't get to go very fast and very far. So I get in this car and I'm in the high-end Tesla. It's got two electric motors in it, not just one.

We get out, and the guy says, hit the gas. And I hit the gas, and I'm not kidding. Suddenly there was a sound, okay? It sounded like a spaceship. It just went, it took off. This thing took off like a rocket. I was pushed back in my seat. I mean, it went from zero to whatever instantly.

There was no changing of the gas. gears. There was no transmission. There was no first, second, third, fourth. And because there was no changing of the transmission or the gears, it just made it take off like a rocket. Wow. So now I'm even more excited, and I'm not a big speed guy. I mean, I don't mind speed if it's there, you know, if I'm out on the highway or whatever, but I'm not like a race car junkie or a speed fanatic. I don't need to speed everywhere, but it was kind of fun to feel that experience. And I think all of us kind of have that whole, you know, when we get to a stoplight, sometimes we get that old competitive spirit where we're like, oh, I want to beat this guy

out of it. You know, this guy cut me off back there. He cut me off as he was coming out of the 7-Eleven. He slowed me down, and now we're at the light. And oh, I'm going to beat this guy right out of the light. That's what I'm going to do. I'm going to take them. I'm going to take them down.

Oh, I'm going to meet this guy right out of the light. Right? And with the Tesla, holy God, you'll be gone. This thing, I couldn't believe it. I've been in a lot of cars. I could not believe how quickly and quietly this thing accelerated and took off. And it actually made like a little noise, like a rocket ship. That was just like, it was crazy.

And I'm like, on top of it being a really nice car, and on top of it, you know, being electric, I was a bit taken aback. And then I said to the guy, he said, well, what's the range on this thing? And he goes, well, for the top end model, it's 300 miles. And I'm like, what? So here's an electric car that can go super fast. It's stylish. It's beautiful.

It handles well. It's silent. There's no emissions into the atmosphere. You go home and you charge it overnight. You put it when you're in bed sleeping, you just plug it in. They put a little plug in your wall and you stick it into the back of the car, and it's charged in eight hours. And then Tesla has this thing where if you're driving across the country,

Tesla has set up power stations. all over the country that are free. And these are power power stations. So you can go in and power up and they charge your Tesla in half an hour. Forget the eight hour stuff. These are like power stations. I can drive.

It's alive. It's alive. Right? But that's if you're doing, you know, I don't know if I want to do a cross-country trip and a Tesla. Who does a cross-country trip and everything and anything, unless you're a truck driver.

So now you got this vehicle that you never have to put gas in it. They say you save about $6,000 a year by not using gas. And you know what? I actually like the idea that I'm helping the ecosystem. I'm doing something for the environment. Let's face it, you know, cars are one of the, the biggest culprits in in uh you know devastating our environment we all know this um and then well there's also the argument well you got to use the electricity for the car that's generated

by the coal plants which pollute and there is that argument but you have to look at how much is it's the pollution a lot less to use the coal and then you got to also go well most coal plants are being worked, you know, are being kind of shut down. And a lot of our power comes from nuclear power, hydroelectric power. So there's arguments for and against, but at the end of the day, I feel like charging a car is doing a lot less environmental damage in the long run to our environment than using gas and refined gas and oil. stuff like that. Now, I could be wrong, but that's my interpretation. I'm going to have to investigate that more, but I'm leaning towards that's what it is, but that's blind science, and I should check that out deeper, but I think that's how it works.

And certainly just the idea of not having to use refined oil, which has always been problematic, you know, transporting oil and moving oil around and oil leaks in the ocean and, oh, God, There's so many toxins and, you know, it's just an awkward, it's an awkward substance to get to move around. So there's a real cleanness to this Tesla, okay? The bottom of the Tesla, the floorboard, underneath the floorboard, the whole base of the Tesla is one giant battery. And there's titanium steel between the battery and the road. so if you hit a speed bump or something comes up, it's a, you know, titanium is as hard as your mother's ass.

You know, I guess it's been rated one of the safest cars on the road. So anyways, now I'm getting excited about it, and I'm thinking of maybe getting a Tesla. And then I started hearing stories about, well, a Tesla can beat a Ferrari from a dead stop. And I'm like, what? So sure enough, I go on YouTube And there's footage of Teslas, which is kind of an unassuming looking car. It's not like super sporty looking. It looks like an infinity or a Cadillac.

And here's this unassuming car that makes no noise at all Just smoking a Ferrari and a Lamborghini right out of the gate. And here's why, because again, There's no shifting of the gears. It's just a clean acceleration. There you hear that. That's all the gear changing. Shift gear, shift gear, so that all takes time. It takes time for the engine to switch over and react

and get that boost as you change. Whereas picture a Tesla with none of that. It's just like, wee, there's no interruption. Now, that being said, once a Tesla gets up and going, once a Lamborghini gets up and going, they have no problem catching it. But out of the gate is pretty amazing. Like I said, there's some videos on YouTube if you want to see it.

I was quite astounded because, as I said, that's not something I was looking for when I walked through the door to try a Tesla. That was like a surprise bonus. But I really like the idea of not damaging the environment, getting rid of gas and oil and blah, blah, blah. Now, here's the downside. This is kind of a new technology, so Tesla's aren't cheap. And that's why I'm humming and hawn. I'm like, oh, wait a minute. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

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This is an exclusive offer specific to this podcast. So be sure to use this code Harland so you get your discount and 100% free shipping. Code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. So this is something I've got to think about some more. But what an experience. What a cool car. I feel like Teslas are kind of like, remember when we had cell phones, the early carnation, incarnation of cell phones. And all of a sudden, you know, they were kicking around for like five, six, seven years or whatever, maybe longer. And then all of a sudden Apple puts out a cell phone. And everyone just went, whoa, look what this mopho does. This is different.

This is, this is taking phones to a new level. This is blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Well, that's what I feel like about Tesla. I feel like, you know, as I complained earlier in this bit, that cars to me really hadn't changed and stimulated me over decades. And now I feel like maybe the Tesla is kind of like the iPhone of cars. It just got me excited and it was different. And it made me think, you know what, there's a real future for cars to be different.

The big car companies have probably been holding things. things stagnant for all these years because it's like, hey, if it ain't broke, don't fix it. So they've been just selling the same old cars with, you know, putting a different face on them, but the same old kind of technology and blah, blah, blah. And now Tesla's coming along and I think they're a game changer. And I know there used to be some electric cars. There was a point in time, I think it was in the 90s when General Motors had an electric car that was very successful and worked.

And I think there was a secret dossier that went around by all the car companies that said, destroy this thing. It's going to put us out of business. And there's a very fascinating documentary called Who Killed the Electric Car that kind of goes into detail about that? And it's fascinating. It almost looked like the car companies were stalling or trying to destroy modern leaps and bounds into the electric car world. So I recommend that documentary, even if you don't like cars, or even if this topic doesn't interest you, it's a really cool inside look into corporate America

and greed and deception and really fascinating. So maybe Tesla's the new face of all this, and from what I've heard, Tesla, which is kind of unprecedented, did not copyright all its own. patents or I'm not sure if I'm using the right term, but from what I understand, they did not put a hold on all their patents for the electric car. In other words, they've left their patents open so that other car companies can adopt and use their electric car technology, which is unbelievably generous and almost unheard of in America. And the net result of this is that now

other car companies are starting to build these electric cars. And when they all start building them, then guess what? The price starts coming down. And maybe one day soon we'll all be in these electric cars. I got to tell you. Hey, I got to tell you. All right. Hey, come on.

They're pretty fascinating. So I'll keep you posted and let you know if old man Williams picks himself up a Tesla. Okay, that sound you just heard, that that's the actual sound I was telling you about, that the Tesla makes. I found it, and that is the sound that the Tesla makes when you accelerate. Let me play it for you one more time, because I was in it, and this is what it sounds like when you hit the gas. Pretty damn. cool, man. I got to tell you. You mix that sound with your body being pressed against the seat.

It's pretty outstanding. And then lastly, and I'll get off the Tesla thing. Lastly, I want to play a commercial because I also figured out that those power stations I told you about, if you're to do a road trip across the country, the super power stations are actually fueled by solar power. So the power for those are being taken from the sun And we're not using nuclear hydroelectric or coal So man, it's kind of exciting Hopefully this is the new wave for the future of mankind It helps us clean up the planet

Gives us a better, quieter, faster, more amazing vehicle Let's play the commercial on the way out of this piece And I'll let you know If I end up getting me a test On January 3rd, the Knapp family took a road trip in their new all-electric Tesla. Using free solar-powered superchargers all the way. A road trip completely sponsored by the power of the sun. They had to do was accept the gift of light.

The Tesla Model S, motor trends car of the year, a car that may lead other cars in no longer taking from the earth, but accepting from the sun, untold memories per gallon of light. Okay, I said I'd shut up about the Tesla, and I am, but now I've got a comment because I just get excited hearing this stuff. I like progress. I like it when things move forward and benefit us and help propel the human race to a better place. You know, there's a time when we didn't have electricity and we found electricity. There's a time when we didn't have the Internet.

We found the Internet. There's a time when we didn't have the microwave. We found the microwave. Same with penicillin. Same with anything. And in order for these things to happen, you need inventive, intuitive, pioneering personalities. People that have vision for the rest of the people.

of mankind. You know, most people walk around all day wondering if they've got money in their ATM or if their phones charged or what they're going to do for lunch. And then there's guys that sit around and think of electricity and penicillin and all those things I mentioned. And the founder of Tesla is a guy named Elon Musk. And just so you know, this is the guy that was the brainchild behind Tesla. This is a guy that went broke billions of dollars. broke several times trying to get this car company off the ground and make it viable. And he's also the guy who owns SpaceX, which is a, believe it or not, a rocket company. This is a space transportation company where Elon Musk is creating rockets.

He's created the first freelance rocket outside of NASA to go and dock at the space station. And he's making these rockets for so much cheaper. And he's working on rockets that not only go into space, but the unused portions come back down and land and can be reused again instead of just burning up in space and falling into the ocean. He's trying to make things way more economical and faster and smarter. And if that's not enough, this is the guy that's trying to get the first mission to Mars in 20 years from now. He wants to, he's actually working right now on prototypes and vehicles and who knows what else

to try and get the first crew of human beings on planet Mars. So this is a very forward-thinking guy, a very smart guy. And, you know, that's the other part of Tesla. If I end up getting one, I feel like, man, maybe I'm in a way supporting this guy and this company. and this vision, and it just seems so many upsides to that where, you know, not to bash the American car companies or any car company, but a lot of times I think we know the bottom line for car companies is really, you know, the dollars. It's moving the product and putting the dollars in the pocket. You know, they've had decades and decades to try and improve on the motor vehicle

and make electric cars and blah, blah, blah, and move the needle and move humanity. And I don't think any of them did what this Elon Musk guy is doing. So my hat's off to him, and I think it's pretty fascinating. There's documentaries on him and on Tesla and all that stuff. Check out. Check out who killed the electric car. Great documentary. And there you go. I'm going to hit the accelerator and boogey on out of here and get to the next topic.

The Harland Highway. Crazy news story. That's weird. That's strange stuff. It's hard to know what this Illinois man needed more. a doctor or a mechanic. A few weeks ago, his arm started hurting, and surgery revealed this.

That is a 7-inch turn signal lever that was lodged inside his arm. And the kicker, it's been there for 51 years. It happened during a bad car wreck in his Ford Thunderbird way back in 1963. The lever was embedded without him ever realizing it, and then his arm healed over the wound. It didn't start bothering him until recently.

What the hell? Doesn't this guy ever travel? Hasn't he ever been through an airport? Hasn't he ever been through the screening process? Sir, there's a car part in your arm? No, I'm just going to Florida, thanks. No, sir, there's a car part in your arm. It looks like it's from a Ford Mustang, 1964 era.

No, I'm really, I'm going to Miami to meet some old friends. Sir, I'm afraid you're going to have to step to the side. and rip your arm open and remove the metal object? I'm really just, sir, if you don't peel your flesh open and remove the metal object, are you kidding me? This guy's got, how do you not know, how do you not know that there's a compound in your arm? Unbelievable, man.

I mean, you've all seen the little lever on the side of the steering column. This thing's like a silver thing, and it's like a, you know, a foot long. And it's got a little bend in it. So I don't know if it made it all the way up to his elbow and it was bending. This guy was like, like bionic or something. And why did it wait till he was, you know, 50 years later to start hurting the guy? How does that not start hurting like day one? You know, I got a car pot in my arm, I was fine with it for, you know, 50 years,

and then it sort of kind of started to hurt a little. You know, I thought maybe now it's time to get the turn signal lever out of my flesh. I mean, you know, there's a time and a place for everything, so maybe it's time, and I think I'll get the gas pedal out of my ass. Well, I'm at it. You know what I'm saying? Because Ed's been lodged up there for a long time. And I don't even want to tell you where the gear shift went.

Oh, my God. Let's just say it stings when I have to take a pee, okay? That's all I'm saying about the gear shift. You figure it out. I mean, good Lord, man. What else is in this guy? This is the type of guy. I picture this guy.

You know, if he's having aggressive sex and has an incredibly outrageous orgasm, an airbag blows out of his face. But it feels so good. I have the airbag out of my face, but it feels so good. Can we do it again? Ah, flak! Holy God! So please, everybody, you know, check your body for lumps and bumps and bumps and

and metallic objects. If you have a friend with one of those things that they use to scour the ground for old coins, the metal detector things, you see the guys walking on the beaches with the headphones and that, you know, if you see one of those guys run up and give them five bucks, hey man, can you give me a quick scan?

Yeah, I lost my blender about three weeks ago and I have a sneaky feeling it's under my skin. Yeah, if you could just get, Beep, beep, beep, beep, yep, there it is. There, I knew it. I knew when I sat on the couch, something felt wrong. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Oh, God.

Think you can give me a smoothie instead of the five bucks? Oh, my God. Do you know where that blender is? I sure do. Well, if that's what you want. So, so there you go, man. Get yourself checked. It ain't just, I guess it ain't just about for cancer and stuff anymore.

Mr. Davidson, we found a lump in your breast. Oh, my God, what is it? Relax, sir, relax. It's your steering wheel. Oh, okay. I wondered why I was having trouble moving my car around. So there you go, man. Hey, uh, Dad, can we get a Tesla?

Yeah, sir, I got one right under my skin right here. Let me just pull it out. Thanks, Dad. You got to wash it off. I'm not. That's okay, Dad. just peel your skin open and let it out. Okay, here it comes.

Oh, God, here it comes. And here we go. So crazy story right there. Unbelievable. Got to love it. Life is so bizarre. From modern electric cars to cars hiding inside humans. Maybe this guy was the original transformer.

You know, the transformers are cars and they turn into robots? Maybe this guy was the very first inkling of the Transformer. They started with the change lever, the lane change blinker lever thinger. Anyways, we'll leave it there. You guys can figure it out. That's not for me to do. I just report. You guys can figure this crap out on your own, damn it.

Let's do some announcements. Why not? Why the hell not? Don't forget I will be in Burbank, California. tomorrow night and Saturday night. That's January 16th, 17th at Flappers. Flappers Comedy Club in Burbank. Go to my website, harlomwilms.com.

You can check for tickets right there. The following week, oh, this is a good club. Good club. I'll be in Atlanta, Georgia. Way down there in the south in Atlanta. Peach country now. You come get some peach cobbler now and have some giggles. I'll be at the improv.

in Atlanta, January 22nd to the 24th, that's Thursday through Saturday, good times. And then don't forget, ladies and gentlemen, San Francisco. The last week in January, January 30, 31st, I'll be in San Francisco at Sketchfest. Go to my website, look at all the different events I will be at. You can get your tickets at my website. and as I've mentioned, we will be doing the very first live Harland Highway podcast in front of an audience. We're going to be at a big theater, all the information's on my website,

so if you want to attend, if you're in the area or you want to fly in or whatever, go to Harlan Williams.com, click on my comedy schedule, and come on down, damn you. And we have a new club that I'm going to be doing, Orlando, Florida. The Improv in Orlando, Florida. That's going to be February 5th through the 8th. That's Thursday to Sunday. Orlando, Florida Improv, which is also a great club.

Looking forward to getting down there. And then later in February, I'll be at Brea, California. In Brea, California. That's going to be February 26th to March 1st. So some good stuff, man, some really good stuff, good comedy stuff coming up. Well, you're at Harlan Williams.com. Check out our store. Check out the t-shirts. When you go in the store, I have the magic fuck-off t-shirt,

and I've just put a video up in the store. When you click on the t-shirt, you can watch a video, and it shows you how the magic t-shirt works. It's hilarious. It's a bunch of random letters, but when people ask you what it means, you fold the bottom letters into the top letters, and it says F off.

People are loving this shirt, so it's only $20 for a shirt. Get on there and order yours today. We'll mail it out to you. I'm in gray, black, white. But people just love this shirt. That's why I'm going on about it. Also, check out Filopio.

If you have an Android phone, please download the Philopio app. If you want to spend hours and hours playing a great video. game, an app game. Philopio. It's right there on my homepage. You can't miss it. And check

that out. There's also downloads all through my website. We have the new Crowd Control 3 download where if you want to hear me going at it live with audience members at real comedy clubs across the country, crowd control

three has lots and lots of me dealing with drunks and whack jobs and silly people. yelling out through my show and me talking to them. So that downloads on my comedy page also on harlomwilliams.com. So all this stuff for you to enjoy. And I know we're kind of a little ways into the new year. This will be the last time I say it.

But we're still fresh. Happy New Year, everybody. I hope you're doing great. Hope your years off to a great start. And it's certainly great to have you all here. here let's have some more laughs in 2015 i got it's funny i did a show uh last week where i talked about uh about the terrorism and the thing in france and you know i got i've got a few letters from people go man i thought this was a comedy show why you la little and then i got other people that

wrote and said hey man i really liked that podcast you did it was really stimulating so so that's the yin and the yang you know most of the time it's comedy but every now and then i i i dabble into you know, issues that kind of get under my skin and get me fired up. So thank you for indulging me with that. I hope you get something out of them. And if you don't get something out of them, I understand. I understand. Sometimes it's hard to listen to a person just pour their own opinion out about something.

But don't give up on the podcast. You can fast forward to the funny stuff. There's always some funny stuff here. It's rare that I'll just do a full serious show. You know that pavement pound. same on you. Shame on you. Shame. I hope you get run over by a Tesla. How dare you? So that's it, man. If you want to call me and leave a voicemail, you can do that. 323-739-4330. Or you can write me at harlandwiliams.com. There is a contact form there on the contact link.

And always love hearing from you guys. We read your letters. We play your phone calls. every few weeks, every other podcast, whenever I feel like it. So there you go. Once again, I'm going to get my imaginary Tesla and get out of here. And until next time, everybody, chicken chalemaine, baby! Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.