The Harland Highway - 648 - the Harland Highway LIVE in San Fran - part 2

Episode Date: February 12, 2015

This is the 2nd half of Harland's historic LIVE podcast at Sketchfest in San Fran. In this portion Mr. Featherstone appears, we discuss AIDS, and some fancy singing and heckling take place. Fraids of Aids!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

All right, all right, all right. Here we go, gang. This is part two of our live podcast from San Francisco. We recorded this very recently at a festival, a comedy festival called SketchFest in San Francisco. And basically, we're in a small theater with, I guess, guess there was maybe 60, 70 people there, maybe 50. I don't know. It got dark towards the back we couldn't see, but there was a good-sized crowd. I was really expecting about five, and we ended up getting, like, way more than I thought, and it was at four in the afternoon, so it's even tougher to get people out in the middle

of the day. So thank you to everyone that came out, and we have some more interesting conversations. The first half of the podcast, we played a couple back. We had some swingers come up out of the crowd. We had people singing. We had all kinds of stuff. Well, today, this is a continuation of the same show, and we have some really fun things that happen.

Mr. Featherstone dropped by. We had some talk about AIDS. We had a girl with a magical singing voice. All kinds of stuff. I'll let you listen. Live at the Areca Theater, this is the Harland Highway. You're listening to Harlan Williams. Harlan, funny stuff, bro.

Funny stuff. Keep it coming. Later. How long have you had this job? Long enough. He's fine as long as he gets his medication. He doesn't get his medications. He's not fine.

You just made a wrong turn. On to the Harland Highway. You're a groovy boy. I'd like to strap you on sometime. The Harland Highway. You're all going to experience intense. Mental, physical, strength. All right, hold tight on the Harland Highway Show.

Don't that be doing. I'll do what I swear to God. Don't be such a fucking pussy. You're new around here, ain't you? What's your name? You're listening to Harlan Williams. Welcome to the Harlan Highway. I wanted to bring something up. I heard a guy say the other day.

I was over at one of these coffee bean places and some guy who got into a little argument with someone in the crowd. He's like, oh, I don't care. He threw out the old, I don't care. And then I started thinking about Jimmy Crack Corn and I don't care. You have a famous nursery around.

Yeah, and I'm thinking, we've all heard Jimmy Crack Corn and I don't care. And I'm like, what the hell does that even mean? Like, who is Jimmy? he's this dude he cracks corn and why doesn't he care he's got other things on his mind but what's he not caring about though

and who made up a song about Jimmy cracked corn and I don't care Jimmy cracked corn and I don't is it Jimmy that doesn't care or is it the person watching Jimmy that doesn't care I think it's Jimmy because he says well yeah you're right it could be Jimmy is it what I said

yeah it's someone watching Jimmy that guy knows So it's like a guy goes, hey, Jimmy's over there cracking corn. I don't fucking care. Yeah. How did you know that? So have you seen Jimmy crack corn? Have you?

No. No. But you knew. And it sounds like that. I worked it out just here right now. I've never thought about this before. But it's a weird thing. And it got me thinking about other ones like she'll be coming around the mountain when

She comes, which might apply to that lady there. She'll be coming all over the mountain when she comes. She'll be coming 50 times around the mountain when she comes. Like, what mountain is she coming around? And who the hell is she? Is she coming around the Himalayas? Is she coming around the Appalachians? The Appalachians.

She's coming around the Alps. The hill just down the way? Well, that's a hill, not a mountain. Right, right. Next thing you know, you'll be saying, she's coming around the grassy knoll where JFK was shot. Right. Maybe she is.

Maybe she's just coming around the corner when she comes. What if she did come around the grassy knoll when she comes, and the bullet went through JFK and hit her? Oh, yeah, right. And she was killed because she wanted to come on a grassy knoll. The magic coming around the mountain theory. Yeah. Wow.

Yeah. Wow. Well, three blind mice? There are three blind mice. See how they run. Right. They all ran up to the butcher shop. Does anyone know if they...

They all ran up to the farmer's wife. They all ran up to the farmer's wife, but how did they know with a carving knife? Yeah. Okay, that's a retarded mouse to me. Because farmers would immediately kill a mouse. Okay? And if you're blind,

why would you run up to a... Well, you wouldn't know she had a knife, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. Wait, what was that? Oh, right. Wow. Now you're giving them ideas, dude.

Cutting off a mouse's tail would give them an orgasm. I think that's what they say. Then they grow it back. God, that's a bizarre theory. That's like on my way home, I purposely go out of my way to run over a raccoon hoping I get

off. Yeah. Yeah. That's creepy. Yeah, I won't try that. What's another one? Anyone else have a freaky... What about? Hickory, dickery dog. The mouse ran up...

Again, the mouse. The clock. I wonder if... Why wasn't he with the three blind mice? Yeah. Somebody should call or somebody. You know, because there's a fucking rat problem in these... and them there, nursery runs.

Like, why didn't the mouse that could see help the three blind mice? Yeah, he's busy running up and down clocks all day. What's a mouse got to gain by going up a clock? Like, there's no food up in a clock. There's no seeds. Yeah. And who's hickory, dickery, or dog?

Yeah. Strange. You folks don't have the answer to any of these things? It confuses little kids, doesn't it? Yeah, that's a good feeling. Some of them are based in some violence, too. Like that little rabbit foo-foo, you know that one? Running through the forest.

Yeah. And then something about smashing something over the head. Just picking up the field mice again. And bopping them on the head. Shit, people not be liking mice. No. Mice take a beaten. Man, man. Oh, hell no, to the mice. Oh, that's sad. Yeah.

Speaking of mice, didn't you have a guinea pig or something? No, it's a hamster. Hamster. This guy bought a hamster. Why did you get, were you lonely? I bought one. I didn't realize, yeah, and I didn't really sort of plan it out. I didn't do the research about these things. Okay. As it turns out, I don't know if you've had a hamster before, they come with a wheel, and they run on the wheel. Okay.

All night long, every single night, they run on the wheel. They just go and go and go. And not to a rhythm that you could go to sleep to or something. It's very sporadic, very jolty. Yeah. And it's confusing to me. I don't even, does anyone know why these mice and hamsters, why they have to be so fit? Like, what's with all the exercise?

Yeah. Why are they getting in shape? Is there some rat race I'm not aware? Maybe they've got to run up the clock or something. I guess. I guess this is what it is. It sounds like it annoyed you. It did.

I thought about killing it. And then, you know, buying another one to see if it would, you know, just be a little. I want a lazy one, is what I want. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So what did you kill it? No, what I did is I bought a pack of cigarettes. They say that smoking one cigarette a day over the course of a year can, likely cause lung cancer. So I thought, I just, I lit up and I blew the smoke into that

furry little things, pink lungs. Yeah, they're like about that thing, right? Yeah. So one puff would pretty much knock it right out. And then I also loosened the little screw on the wheel when he was sleeping. And, you know, I haven't checked yet, but I feel like next time he gets on that wheel. He's just, whoo-hoo-hoo. So he rolls right out of the tank. Into traffic. Rolls right out onto the street.

Yeah, I think you'll probably kill him. Yeah. Well, good. Hamsters. Hamsters. So I heard the... Oh, my phone's ringing. Oh, I know what this is.

Answer it. Yeah, no, I know what it is. It's... Unfortunately, my boss, Mr. Featherstone, who runs this whole podcast. He's kind of a difficult guy, and he's here. He's coming to the show. That was him.

They just let me know that he arrived. He should be walking in any second. There he is. And there he is. Hello, Mr. Featherstone. Come on up here, sir. Welcome to the Harland Highway

podcast. This is the first one we've ever done outside of the studio. Hello. Hello, sir. How are you? I'm doing good, and you are? I'm Harlan Williams, sir. I'm doing the Harland Highway podcast. Howley. Who?

Harland William, sir. Okay? I do the podcast. I've been doing it for five or six years, and every time I get together with you, you act like you don't know me. All right, don't snap at me, you little whippersnapper, okay? I'll fire you as quickly as I hired you. I don't like the way you look, and I don't like the look at your funny little friend over here. Oh, this is Sean. My name's Sean.

Who? Sean. Sauer? Sean. Spelled S-E-A-N Oh, you spell it with the wrong letter, huh? Yes, I do. You know, you look kind of slow to me.

Sir, that's no way to talk to Sean. He's my co-host here. He's doing a great job. Yeah, well, what about you? Huh? You're here in San Francisco, probably hanging out of those funny little bars over downtown?

Sir, I'm not. hanging out at funny little bars. Oh yeah? How about the upside down unicorn over here on 59th and 14th Street? Sir, I don't hang out at the funny little bars on 15th

Street and whatever the hell you said. You don't even know the numbers because you're thinking of your guy friends. I don't have guy friends sir in the way that you mean. Uh-huh. Sir? Ah, sir, what are you doing here?

I came by to check up on your stupid prod prast. It's a podcast, sir, not a prod prast. All right, whatever it is, I came here, I came all the way up to San Francisco, and I've been going to the Golden Gate Bridge. I went out to, what's that jail out there? You're probably no Fun Boy 3. Alcatraz. Alcatraz. Yeah, you probably went on the tour out there, didn't you? You wouldn't have...

Sir, yes, we went on the tour. It was fun. Yeah, I bet you're pretty authentic, huh? Yeah, it felt like being in jail. Yeah, they got the old cafeteria, they got the jail cells. Yeah. Probably got the authentic ass rape experience. They did, yeah.

Oh, sir. You got to... You can't say that kind of. of stuff, sir. Yeah, well, I'll say what I want. I pay your bills, okay, you freak. Have you been to Alcatraz, sir? No, I haven't. Oh, you should go. I'm not into guys the way you are. You don't have to be into guys. You could just be into the building and the history and the structure itself and really just sort of enjoy everything around you and learn. Oh, well, look at you, uh, flapjack T. T. G. Johnson over here. Nobody's called me that in a long time.

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Just enter the offer code Harland to check out. That's Harland, H-A-R-L-A-N-D at Adam and Eve.com. This is an exclusive offer specific to this podcast. So be sure to use this code Harland so you get your discount and 100% free shipping. Code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. Sir, if you could just not call people names, is there a reason you're here? Yeah, there is a reason. I can't. all the way to San Francisco, I brought my kid, and we wanted to go down to the wharf. Is that how you say it? Wharf.

Wharf. And we wanted to see the seals. We heard there was a bunch of sea lions down there, and I went there, and there weren't any sea lions. Okay, sir. Well, I'm sorry about that, but what can we do about it? Well, you're going to do a sea lion noise for me. No, no I'm not Sir, I'm not going to do that

Oh yes you are You're going to get the pink slip And before you make the sea lion Always let me ask you something Have you ever farted At a grocery store Into a bag of bagels Sir, no

I haven't farted at a grocery store In a bag of bagels Yeah, well you will Now Let me hear you make a the seal noise. I'm not going to do it, sir. You're going to do it,

or are you going to be fired? Sir! Do it. Oh, gru-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h. Sir! Do it. That's not enough. I want more seals.

How about you, fun-boy, three? Why don't you get it on this, too, all right? All right. So I'm going to count you down and I want the two of you to act like first seals for my little boy here. Three, two, one. Or, or, or, or, or, or.

Sound like you have seals with cancer. I need more than that. I want a whole flock of fucking seals going here. How about this audience here? I know I don't pay your checks but you're going to get in on this I'm going to count down I want everyone to make a seal noise

You better do it everybody Here we go Three and I don't want anyone Having an orgasm in the middle of it either Three Two One That's not bad

That's not bad I didn't think anyone Be dumb enough to do it Those people are smart the fucking off real quickly. Well, I like that. Well, good job. Keep up the good work and

smogne up. You look like a scarecrow that's got saws. Or, or. Enough. Stop. Sounds like you're having an orgasm at the red lobster. All right, sir.

Well, thank you for dropping by Mr. Featherstone. A real treat to have you here. There he goes. Thank you, sir. Up yours. All right. Well, we got through that, ladies and gentlemen.

Thank you for indulging that crazy boss of mine. Thank you very, very much. He's not very good to you. No, he's always bullying me, pushing me around. I should call the cops on that son of a bitch. He should call human resources. He must pay you a lot. Not really, no.

I don't know why you put up. Look at the theater on me. Yeah. I don't know why you put up with it then. Speaking of cops, dude, I saw, if you guys ever seen this, you're driving down the street, you might have seen this,

you get these, you get like used cop cars. Have you ever seen this? Yeah. I was driving down around, I was in L.A. and someone had a cop car, like it was like a refurb.

I don't know where they come from. The cops, when they're finished driving, they sell them at auction, and people buy them. Okay. They don't paint them. They just drive them around, looking just like cop cars. God, yeah. They're deceiving because when they roll up on you, you think it's a cop car, right? Yeah.

You could, you know, it happens to me. When I pull up a light, one of these will pull up behind me, and I panic, you know? I've dumped my beer all over my laugh. I was texting, so it messes up my phone. you know then you try you always try to get your belt on all sneaky right so that they don't and then it pulls around next to you

you look over what do you see I don't know it's like a fat kid in a security guard costume or something yeah with pimples he's popping zips over his window smoking bongs and yeah not cops

and they always have that they get that that light that fake light you know the cop cars have that that light on the on the end They leave that on. Yeah. I don't get it. Everything there but the siren.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know who came up with this plan and why it isn't a law that you'd have to paint the car. Yeah. But it's redonculus. We can't change everything all in one night. No, we can.

Can't change anything in one night. Can't change nothing. Now we want to have, because this is our first time ever in front of the pavement pounders, people who listen to the podcast. We want to have someone from the show, not sex stuff, but we want to have one of the pavement pounders and we'd like to interview a pavement pounder.

Not talking about their sex. I just get to know the people that listen to the show. Is there anyone that would like to be the very first person outside of the Cirque de Soleil couple who would like to be the first legitimate interview on the Harlot Highway. Anybody? Scare? Don't be scared. Can we ask, did anyone celebrate anything recently?

Anybody celebrate? Anybody to talk about? Anybody go to the hospital for anything? Anybody have any major surgery in the last six months? Over there? Is that a guy? Okay, come on up here. You could come up, dude. Come on up. See, that guy's got courage.

Oh, I saw you earlier. Yeah, David. Come on up. You're the first. And I don't want to, David, thank you, buddy. Look at this. Sit down, man. I don't want to dismiss our sex couple, because that was a great interview.

But that was more like the San Francisco Treat Chronicles. Ladies and gentlemen, David, wasn't the other guy's name David, too? Yeah. Yeah. We're a clone species. You're what? A clone species. Cloned species. I think we have a sci-fi nerd here. Give him a hand, folks. Come on. This took balls. You guys are safe in the shadows. David's on the hot seat. First thing we got to say, David, is where are you from?

From out here since I moved here in 85. He grew up in Boston. Grew up in Boston, here since 85, and you're the first official Harlem Highway guest. Thank you. Thank you. I can see you're very excited. Are you leaving, buddy? You know, you know what we did that bit about half an hour ago, right? I finally get an interview and now you chime in? Are you leaving, buddy? Where are you going, Guy? Fight the Vietnam. Is there a better podcast down the street?

there's a whole well thank you for being here sir God bless you wow that guy that guy had a lot of information that we could have used earlier yeah really

what you're no you're not at the show anymore you left you let you now you suddenly he left and he came back he left his voice here but I know I don't even see him but I can still hear him

it's very creepy Wait, is he there? Are you there? He's over there? Ash and down, I think he's up there. I think he was a ring of dark punctual.

Yeah. From the concentration camps. People got flowers in the pocket of a lot of the snow down. I think he's up there

and I think it. It's like the grim reapers here. I like that. I didn't know that. Pocket full of story. We're not ignoring. but someone just totally like fucking upstaged you, yeah

I could not interview a distant body voice. Wow. That's like if you're watching like the Tonight Show or Letterman and the stage hand just started yelling. It's amazing. All right, David. Yes. First thing we notice you've got a wild

tattoo on your face. Either that or you have whiskers. It's a weird, it's like lines going across your face. Tell us, what is this symbolism behind them? It's kind of like Warpaint. My mom's Seneca Indian, Iroquois, from up in New York State. No way. So this is tribal. It is tribal. It's a variation on it. That's kind of cool.

Yep, that for the Indian and then I have the Celtic crust. Pull it up more? So that, Celtic, that's like Irish? Yeah, Scottish. Scott, yeah, that's what I meant. So you're like a Scottish Indian? Scottish Indian, yes. Oh, wow. That's a weird mix, a Scottish. That's like dances with Nessie. Yeah, it's a very bizarre look of that you have.

Yeah, I like it, though. See, that takes one thing to get... Do you have a tattoo, Beach Boys guy? You don't have a tattoo of like a crab pot on your back or anything? The Baltic Sea? Nothing. Okay. What about...

You got a tattoo? What do you got, dude? Lake Tahoe. What are you, a canoeer? Who has a tattoo of a lake? Maybe it's just water from the shower. Yeah. Yeah, I'm joining a gang.

I got a tattoo with a Nile River on my back. Why do you have Lake Tahoe? I lived there for a long time. You know you could just buy a GPS, right? A map. A map, even a globe. You don't have to, you know... Or go back and visit it sometimes.

Yeah. You don't have like tattoos of the mall on you and ship. on you and shit. Sorry, we're going to get back to you in a minute. Why isn't it the minute we get a guy after everybody chimes in? It was like a graveyard in here. And then some guys, he's walking out the door, starts reciting the Bible. Okay, so you got Lake Tahoe. Are you going to get another tattoo of like a water skier or anything? You ever been to 7-Eleven? You like it there, don't you? Why don't you get that tattooed on your face? How about you, guy? Tattoo.

Anyone else out here got a tat? Over there? What do you got, sir? A phone call. There's a tattoo of a phone call? That's just like a telemarketer tattoo on your... Yeah. Got like an East Indian telemarketer on his shoulder.

How would you tattoo a phone call? I don't know. I can't picture what that would be. Maybe he's getting a phone call from tattoo. And we'll get back to you, David. We'll get back to you. a minute, just hang tight. Talk with that Mike Tyson tattoo on your face.

So what do you mean, a phone call, buddy? I think he took a phone call and left the building. Yeah, I think he called that guy and he's out having a coffee with the weird Parker Posey dude or whatever's name. Okay, so tattoo, Indian, Scottish, Seneca. Seneca tribe. Part of the Iroquois. Part of the Iroquois or the Iroquois.

Iroquois Like coy fish I've just changed it four times I've been bad with the pronunciation on that Wow wow now where were the Iroquois Upper New York State Upper New York like the finger legs

I've actually never been to up in New York State myself Wow they were like the recreational tribe Yeah they're up but they're up in like where people go to holiday Yeah just come and go as you please try Yeah. Yeah, that's cool, man. Wow. So did you get like all kinds of tax breaks because you've got Indian blood? No, I need to. It's through my mom, but I don't have, you know, I don't. I haven't looked into it yet. You should, man. He could be living for free. Yeah. He could definitely be living for free. All right. So what do you do? You work? I do. I'm the activities coordinator at Shanti here in San Francisco.

What's Shanti? Shanti is an HIV and breast cancer resource organization. It's a non-profit. Oh, shit. It just got all serious in here, man. Yeah, good serious, though. That's very good work. What's the deal with, it feels like HIV.

Like years ago, it was like every news story, HIV. And we know it hasn't gone away, but in a way it feels like it's gone away because you don't see it that much on the news anymore. Like you remember with Magic Johnson and when you'd watch the evening, everything was HIV and AIDS. And it's like back in the 80s, it was herpes. Like every second news story was herpes, one and two people have herpes and all this stuff. So what's going on with the HIV side? And I know we just took a real serious turn here, but. It's a lot more manageable now with the cocktails they have out there.

Really? It's a lot more like what diabetes is where it's manageable. Really? I mean, I know when it first came out, people were passing off within like eight, nine months, you know, just killing over. Yeah. I've been positive since 94. No way. So it's almost 20 years. Dude, give them a hand for that. Holy crap, really. That's crazy, dude. I don't think I've ever met anyone. No. I've never been. And it's no different, but it's a shock. It was a bit of a shocking thing to hear because that, when you think of HIV and age, you're like, oh, God, death sentence, right? So you've lived through it. Has that been tough? You know, I'm still waiting for a little bit of the wasting. you're waiting for what the wasting

just a little bit you want to waste away a little to lose weight you know you don't use AIDS as a dieting thing that's not going to work it's effective but don't do it I'm getting a little chubby I think I'll go get the AIDS get some AIDS down at the corner store yeah the Weight Watchers didn't work for me I'm going to try the AIDS I hear you pass me a box of AIDS yeah God that's crazy man honestly part of it

you know being able to live with it and I do have a bit of humor about it which is kind of it's yeah yeah exactly you got you got humor and everything in life right everything's a little twisted yeah you're in san francisco now it's a bit more yeah it is crazy but no it's like escape from new york here it's honestly when i was diagnosed it taught me i mean it really changed my life in a lot of good ways yeah i started work going back to work with the community yeah yeah um and i absolutely love it i love my work now is it too you don't have to answer is it two person was it a blood transfusion Was it through activity, sexual activity, or you don't have to answer?

It could be one from column A and one from column B. Okay. Honestly, product of the 80s. Yeah. There were a lot of drugs going around back there, a lot of partners, and it was probably from one of my old partners who, being in a relationship and being close. Yeah. I wasn't always as safe as I probably should have been. And did you track him?

Do you know where he is? Did he make it? He died a long time ago. He from the age, but yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's too bad. No, we didn't. Yeah.

It wasn't a good breakup, so... Say a little prayer for me that's about it. Yeah, yeah, but that's amazing. It's nice here because I legitimately kind of lost track of you don't hear as much anymore, so that's interesting news. So, like, people who

contract AIDS, they have created medicines now that can prolong life for how much longer than what kind of used to be. Oh, good question. Like I said, I'm going on 20 years now. Wow. And it used to be like, Like within two, three years, you could expire.

The drugs were a lot more toxic out then. They were overdosing people. I mean, basically, megasing people on them. Yeah. It really has, you know, with people taking better care of their health, the medicines they have out there, the dosing schedules, which mine are once a day now in the evening. It's really easy to keep on top of. Wow.

And what's the big question is the pricing, right? Because I got to imagine, you know, the pharmaceutical companies, are you on any pills, dude? you had to be on something to get a tattoo of a lake drinking what's the money like like what's the cost it's scary mine are fortunately covered but if I had to pay

for them my medication is almost $3,000 a month a month okay because I'm totally clueless like this I got it because this is kind of fascinating me I don't know if this is like freaking anyone out but I this is kind of I've never dealt with

this topic before I'm so excited that you brought this up what's your regiment? Like how many, do you have to sit down every morning and place up like 30 pills or two pills or how many times a day you have to take them? Once a day, it is two pills now. Yeah.

With or without food, which is a lot easier than when it first started. I was doing some of the pills were three pills, two times a day, some of them were like two pills one time a day. Some of them were with food, some were without food. And, yeah, now it's just right in the evening before I go to bed.

They're already packaged up, tear them open, take them... Just plop them in the oval team. Exactly, real simple. Wow, dude. That's amazing. It's come a long way. Yeah, I'm just looking up. Some facts.

Hopefully I'll hit you with them. Well, I don't know if a fact is texting someone named Cherry. Now, so because I don't know, will you be able to just live out your life, just normal life expectancy? with this medicine like is that kind of the how the stats are now with people with HIV don't really know I mean it's still the medication

still take a toll on on the body it does at what capacity it's just like a tax is deliberate it's medication that you take yeah yeah yeah it is it is toxic it's not so bad though so yeah I don't know I can get hit by a bus tomorrow

that's the way I always look at it is there any side effect like do you have you get like blurred vision or do you have trouble sleeping or is it does it insomnia sometimes is the big one I have in fatigue there are some days that I'm warm out because it's interesting you look at Magic

Johnson right Magic Johnson got HIV when was it in the early 90s something like that it was way back then yeah and you look at the guy and he just he just goes goes he's like a big businessman he's like he seems super healthy it's amazing

yeah wow that that that was kind of interesting were you guys interested in that or was I like kind of droning on there? I find that pretty fat. Thank you for sharing that. The new BMO V.I. Porter MasterCard is your ticket to more. More

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in your first 13 months. Terms and conditions apply. Visit bemo.com slash the iPorter to learn more. Anything else you want to talk about that's not so, like, heavy and serious? No, it's just funny when you were talking about had anyone had an accident in six months. That's kind of what had gotten me to get my hand up. Oh, what was your accident? I had to say, I wrecked my motorcycle back on July 17.

Oh, no. Whoa. What happened to your wrist? They had to put a plate in there. Oh, my God. Whoa, his leg. Show the audience. I thought that was another tribal tattoo right there.

Where do you see this? It looks like a snake. Oh, man. What did you do? Snap your fibia or whatever the hell's in there? I don't know bones, folks. I'm not a doctor. It actually got cut down to the bone,

but the story behind it is kind of funny because I had been taking a bunch of clients to the Castro Theater to see Sharon Needles, who was the winner of Repulse Drive Race. Yeah. In their parody of the Wizard of Oz. Okay. Sure.

Now, she is kind of this gothic spooky driveway. I had gone up at the end of the night and had her sign my helmet that is actually out of my bike now. Yeah. And she signed at C.U. in Hell, Sharon Needles. So a friendly girl. Exactly. And two weeks after that was when I got in the accident on a motorcycle, and I'd never been in a motorcycle accident before.

Damn. So just goes to show you, don't kind of tempt evil drag queens. Yeah. Yeah. You hear that show? bad mojo with you yeah holy she you said mojo yes okay I said something else oh god wow well I'm glad you're okay dude it's going well yeah I'm still up back on a bike again what kind of bike right now I've only got a it's a

what is the brand of that Suzuki it's a 400 it's only a bourbon are you in a relationship now have you got I am. I've been with my partner since since 98. Oh, wow. Really? Will we see over at the PE club later? Probably not. Yeah. Although I do know the place. Yeah.

Do you know these guys? I don't actually, but I know some friends who they might be acquainted with. Yeah. You will. I think that guy's the next mayor of San Francisco, for sure. David. Are they still there? Are they making out? They left. Where the hell did they go? To the motel sit the P.E. The P.E. Yeah, they took off. I noticed they left when that big guy left. Yeah, yeah. I guess you're going to have, you got to get back to the bed.

All right, so before you go, pull the mic close. Let's see, you're a straight guy, right? Yeah. So he sang Rice, Roni, the San Francisco street, straight guy. Oh, goodness, same. Gay guy. Sing, Rice Roni to San Francisco. San Francisco. We got to get, we're going to get a woman. Keeping the theme going. Yeah, yeah. Ready? Rice, erroney, the San Francisco treat. Yeah. Wow.

Nice. Give them a hand, David. We're glad you're healthy. Live long and prosper, as Spock said. Wow. That was awesome. That was kind of a surprise, surprise. Do you want a cookie before you go, David? No, go ahead. It's good for the blood sugar. Destiny's here? She is.

It's a beautiful name. Destiny. Wow. I like weird exotic. Anybody here have an exotic name, like Ouija board or like Rubik's Cube, anything? No. Who thinks they have the weirdest name here? Yeah, okay.

What is it? Peter Peacock. Peter Peacock. Wow. you're like right out of a kid's book. Ran up the clock. Peter Peacock. I just picture you driving around

in the Partridge family bus. That's awesome. See, what was your dad's name? Donald. Donald Peacock? Brothers and sisters? Charles Christian and Megan. Charles Christian and the Peacocks.

The Peacock family. Donald, Peter, Daffey, Christian, Megan, Marty. Anyone beat Peter Peacock? Is there a... Who's got a funny name like that? Anyone with the last name, Egritt or Heron? No.

Well, let's, maybe you don't know it's funny. Like, sir with the bag, what is your full name? It's hard to remember. I know. Patrick, what? I think he said palm tree. Oh, palm tree? Yeah.

That's not very unusual. No. Patrick? Is there another name as well? You just go by Patrick, like Charday does? It's like Charday. All right, so now we need, we've had straight guy, gay guy, we need a woman to come up and sing the San Francisco tree.

Well, let's see if there's a volunteer, a woman. Is that Destiny? Come on up. And let's, did you want to do it? My friend in the sweater? Did you... Two women doing it up here would be great. Two, yeah.

Come on up. Destiny, ladies and gentlemen. Sean, greet Destiny. Oh, my God. Sit down for a second. Get to know Destiny and then she's going to sing for us. Okay. Hi, Destiny.

How are you? Great. Good to have you here. Tell us about yourself. What do you want to know? Do you have any? children? No. Because that would be Destiny's child.

Good one, dude. Thank you very much. Do you like Olive Garden? Yeah. Great. What are you doing after the show? Getting on the back of his motorcycle and going home. You know, probably not the best choice. I know, we're probably not.

You won't meet your destiny. You might want to get on the Hindenburg and go home. How about that? Do you get scared? when you're on his motorcycle? I did the first time, but now I just kind of put my hands on the back and just like, okay. Really? Yeah, I'm just like, okay.

You wear a helmet, though, right? Yeah. Okay, what do you do, Destiny? What do you mean? Do you work? Yeah, I have a job. What do you do? I'm a part-time waitress at this restaurant in the mission district.

Okay. Part-time. So you take the order, but you don't bring the food? No, I work for our... I was a day when my boss had called all of me or text me to have me come in, and I'm in high school, too. Oh, wow. So you're, what, 17, 18? 14.

Come on. What? 14. Dude, how dare you? And you're just out riding around on motorcycles? I've done worse. She's what? Gay guys, she's in very safe hands.

Are you, are you, uh... Gay guys, she's in very safe hands. I'm not worried. I'm worried about your gayness. I'm worried about your motorcyclist. Remember, you smashed into a train? What? You should probably be more worried about my girlfriend. Oh, your girlfriend, I should be worried about your girlfriend. Why? She is very, what's the word? Oh, kinky. Kinky?

Kinky. Wow, there's a real kinky theme running through, Sam Fran. And why is she kinky? She likes bondage. She likes bondage, so that would mean you probably. liked it. But I can't be talking about this with a 14-year-old. Yeah. What is I don't know what bondage is. Let's ask Johnny Peacock.

He might know what it is. Vonage is a phone plan, I think. Yeah, I'm not sure what you're talking about. But good for you. Good for your girlfriend. Good for the lawsuit. Wow. Well, you are super cute. You're

really sweet. And it's great to have you. We love your name. And would you be willing to sing? Let me just, let me cue it up for you so you can, you know, kind of get the vibe for it. And I won't put the speaker for you. Ready?

Rice, oh, Rone, the San Francisco tree. Go. Rice or Rone in the San Francisco tree. Whoa, wait a minute. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, hold them. I like, she put like a little thing. You put a little thing. on there. You're like,

Rassau and San Francisco T. Like, what was it a little, you put a little jazz on there? Not really. Just try, do one more. That's pretty good. Okay, same thing? Yeah, three. You can vary it up if you want, but three, two, one. Rassarone, the San Francisco

Tree. Like, she doesn't say treat, she says Tren. Tree. Tree. The San Francisco Tree. Maybe it is a tree. It's not a treat at all. Well, he hit a tree, so maybe...

Yeah. I like that. You're like... It's like almost borderline elephant man. Yeah. What's the one is some... It's like... It's so nice to me.

It's like, she's so cool. She's like, I can sing, but I don't have to move my mouth. Yeah. I want to see her on American Idol. You're going to Hollywood. I'm going to Hollywood. Imagine her. I'd love to see you at one of the baseball games.

Singing the national anthem. Rain Man of All right, well, that was beautiful. Thank you very many. Anything else you want to tell us before you go? We don't want to just whisk you away. My name is destiny in English, but my birth name is Unmi. It's Japanese.

My last name is French. Your last name is French. What's that? What's your last name? Bevier. Bevié, Udme, Beviéi. Yep. Unme, Grace, Bevié.

Wow, that sounds like something you'd order at cheesecake factory. Cibouquet town. Yeah, I'll have a unye mebamame. Well, beautiful. Thank you, love. Give her a hand, folks. What a treat. talk for one you step back there

oh my god what just an interesting interesting group of people I didn't know I don't know this is kind of the listenership I had for this show do you guys

that about yourselves that you're all very interesting eclectic odd people with lakes and peacocks and sweaters where would you have been if you didn't come here tonight

do you all move as a group all right well we are going to close out the show speaking of music with a little game you guys are welcome to participate do you guys know your band's pretty good are they still there one or two i think are still here all right so this is this is a game called name that band it's uh it's 80s bands it's 90s all kinds of bands how it works game is I give you clues to a band and you have to see if you can guess the name. If you want, you can yell it out.

You can put your hand up. Name that band. Name that band. All right. Here we go. This is a, I like that. Can you sing it the way she'd sing it though? All right, here we go.

This is the first band. We have six bands. how you do. The first band, they can't hear, and they live in Africa. Oh, nice. Look at this guy. Good one. Your name, sir. Get a cookie. Cookie, my man. You get a cookie. This guy, that was quick. That was really, I get a very smart person. I don't know. The answer should always be yes to that one.

All right, you're good. One for you. Here we go. we go. Ready for the second one? The best time to see this band is falling off a roof on Halloween. Wow. Wow. Fast. Fast. He doesn't get a cookie. Yeah, he had one already. And he's trying to, he's on the AIDS diet, remember? Do you have the answers written on the back of your page there? No. Well, I have them because I went, okay, here's another number three.

You got to, you know, now it's between you two. Let's see if anyone else came in there. Number three, you might find this band in soft tunnels beneath the earth's crust. You might find this band in soft tunnels beneath

the earth's crust. Dude. Yes, yes, get a cookie, get a cookie. The man, and look at, he's got the hippie shirt. He knows the velvet underground. Good job, good job. Here's number four. This band are a bunch of prepubescent monsters.

What? One direction. Good answer. Good answer. Not the right answer, but. but you get half a cookie. This band are a bunch of prepubescent monsters. And if you need more clues, I can kind of,

if you want one, I can... Pre-pubescent monsters? What? You got it. Come get your cookie. Come get your beastie boys. She's eating half of his velvet underground cookie. No, boy, now she's going to have crumbs on her hands,

which isn't going to be good for you later. Crummy hands. Here we go. Number five, when ice falls from the sky, they live and travel in this kind of small truck. Whoa. Wow. Come and get a cookie, babe.

How is that possible? I thought that one day she wasn't going to, I thought that might have. been the hardest one. Let me read it again because that went so quickly. When ice falls from the sky, they live and travel in this kind of small truck. Van Halen. Halen. You're smart. Cookie it up. Johnny Peacock, this is your last chance, buddy. It's good, but it wasn't, just because it's good doesn't mean it's right, sir. That wasn't the answer. Yeah. Have their rookie? No. Let's see. We have one more. If you get this one you can

get even if you fail, we'll give you half a cookie. Now for those of you that have one it's interesting, nobody has two if somebody gets this from the people that have won, they are the grand winners. Oh yeah? So the pressure is on the people

that have won. But it's a solo answer it still counts. Here it is. The last band they they did what Jesus did. the last band they did what Jesus did

what masturbation is not the answer Jesus did not masturbate man we couldn't save the world sir but he couldn't get he wanted to but he could because he was nailed to a cross yeah what No.

No, it's not a band. A band. They did what Jesus did. How many words? One word. 60s, they probably emerged in the 60s, into the 70s. Birds. Well, think about it.

It's right there. They did what Jesus did. What did Jesus did? Wrote a book. The carpenter. There you go. You didn't even know. You said it by accident.

He doesn't even know it's a van. Give him a cookie. And give Johnny Peacock a cookie. Come on. There you go. Well, ladies and gentlemen, that we, We wanted to end the show out on a high-octane game. Oh, my God.

It was like a fury in here. They're all gone. Did Johnny Peacock get one? Yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, this was the very first Harlan Highway podcast live in front of the crowd. Thank you so much for being here. You guys are great.

I hope you had a good time. We learned about AIDS. We learned about sex clubs. We learned about, what else did we learn about, gophers or guinea pigs? Yeah, hamsters, and we learned about our friend down here in the front row is singing abilities. Yes, yes. All kinds of cool stuff. Guys, thank you for coming out.

Please listen to the Harlan Highway at Harlowilliams.com, and we'll hopefully keep the laughter coming your way. and thanks for being here on this very special show. God bless you. Thank you. Rice Aroni, the San Francisco Tree. Thanks, guys. That was fun. Thank you, everybody.

Rice Aroni, the San Francisco Tree. There it is, yes, our very first live Harland High a podcast in the can. Let me give you a little backstory on it. As I said, I was quite nervous, not super nervous. I mean, I've been around the block, but I was a little, I was a little, you know, a little tingly inside doing my podcast in front of real human beings. I normally just work in a vacuum and a void by myself.

And so it was a bit unnerving, having people there. there were people right in the front row like, you know, eight, nine feet away from us. But we did it. And as I reported earlier, I wasn't too thrilled with the Mr. Featherstone bit. It was very, I mean, it was twice as hard doing a character in front of people because, you know, I usually don't script those bits. I just improvise them and go back and forth. And when I'm alone, I don't have to worry about hearing laughter or wondering how I'm doing.

But when you're in front of a live crowd, it just somehow, raised the ante and it it made me a little nervous to be honest and so uh and so i was going to cut the uh the mr featherstone part out because i wasn't happy with it but then i thought you know that's not fair to you guys you know i can't always shine i can't always be my best but uh i went out on a limb did did it in front of uh the folks and uh you know it's not the best in the world but it's something I had to go through and I think I learned from it and hopefully if I do it again

I'll be even better and if I'm being honest I was actually going to do Aunt Ruthie in front of the folks and I hate to be the cowardly lion from the Wizard of Oz but I went after I did Mr. Featherstone and I realized how tough it was

to do it in front of people I bailed on doing Aunt Ruthie so I apologize oh I was just too nervous to do it so we just continued with the other stuff. I thought the conversation with the gentleman with the HIV was

quite interesting and intense and fascinating and hopefully he does well for a long time. Thank you good sir for opening up and sharing your very personal and private life with us.

That was one of the things I learned about doing the podcast live that there's, you know, you're interfacing with real people with real stories and and often you know people might not want to share but but everyone i talked to was so giving and so open and and i thought there was some really cool conversations there um and so thank you uh thanks to everyone who was there even the people yelling out of the darkness and you know the the grim reaper and just we got some real nutballs in there and uh so uh it made it a lot of fun

And I'd love to hear, if you guys liked it, if you want to offer any feedback, you know, that kind of helps me gauge if it's something I should do more of or less of or just forget it completely. So you can write me at harlowe Williams.com. There's a contact form on the website, or you could write and let me know. Or if you want to leave me a voicemail, 323739-4330, that's 323-739-433. and let me know your thoughts. I'd love to get some of your feedback. So thanks again to everyone at SketchFest, the crew and the staff at the Eureka Theater.

My co-host, Sean Tweedley, who made it extra fun, my good buddy and just a funny guy, and we had a blast. So thanks, one and all. And as far as future shows, let's get you up to date. I will be, let's see, where will I? I be next. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I'm so scared. I will be in West Palm Beach, Florida. Yes, yes, yes. West Palm Beach, Florida on February 19th through to the 21st. That's a Thursday, Friday, Saturday show. Please go to harlorems.com

to get your tickets. Click the comedy tour schedule. And then the following week, February 26, to March 1st, I will be in Brea, California. And then I go up into the cold. I bear the cold on March 5th to March 7th. I will be in Winnipeg, Winnipeg, Canada. Yes, my old stomping grounds, Winnipeg, Canada, very cold in March. But I'm braving it, I'm doing it. And let's make sure you all get out there.

It's a club called Rumors in Winnipeg. That's March 5th through the 7th. And hope to see you all there. Don't forget when you're on Harlowilliams.com, join my YouTube channel and you'll get to see Fudgy-Wudgey Fudge Face. Every Monday I'm going to put out a new five-minute clip of my three-hour-long indie movie that is pretty much the dumbest movie ever made. And I think you might get some laughs out of it.

I hope you do. It's free, so who's going to complain, right? Also check out the store at harlolwilums.com, books, movies, DVDs, artwork, shirts, all kinds of crazy stuff. And that's it, man. That is it. I hope you had a good time. Thanks for listening, guys.

And until next time, chicken. Shaoamaine, baby!