The Harland Highway - 653 - SEX in a man jail. Harland disrupts a romantic relationship.

Episode Date: March 5, 2015

Today we talk to an expert about having sex in a men's jail. Also, Harland disrupts a man and a woman's relationship at a gym. Positive feedback from a Pavement Pounder. Gym gym salabim!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Oh, whoa, whoa, it's magic, you know. Okay, it's not magic, it's just a podcast. It feels like magic, because it's the Harland Highway podcast, but it's just a podcast. I'm your host, Harland Williams, and I want to welcome you to the show. Great show today. Today we have a special guest on the show. We have a professor from a college out of New York who's going to be discussing. a little bit of a touchy topic

he's going to be discussing the differences between being a badass and being gay and this was prompted by one of the pavement pounders so stick around for that debate also we are going to be discussing

the relationships between men and women I kind of set off a bit of a firestorm the other day between a man and a woman I think I might have disrupted their personal relationship by accident, and I feel guilty about it, so I need to talk about it on the show and tell you about it and see what you think. And then we're also going to go back to, should I be sticking to comedy, or do you like it when I talk about serious topics on the show? One of the pavement pounders weighs in, and we will listen to her call later in the show.

So put on your seatbelts. Here we go. It's the Harland Highway. Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to introduce The Harland Highway I promise you, I will please you all, believe me What is he like? What's he going, anyway?

Oh, he's an angel. He's an angel stuck from nothing. You're going to need a bigger pose. You're listening to Harlan Williams. Why don't you give me a name and a face and a reason why? Your man, what do you expect the guy that's jiggle-all man? It's over, Jenny.

It's over. Nothing is over! You just don't turn it off. You just made a wrong turn. On to the Harland Highway. Weird. Just plain weird. You're not me.

I'm still alive. I'll tell you what I won't give you, you muckers. I won't give you the satisfaction of saying that I'm sorry. Welcome to the Harland Highway. Oh, you get your money's worth. Believe me. You're such a fuckass. What?

Please. Did you just call me a fuckass? Elizabeth, that's enough. You can go suck a fuck. Oh, please tell me, Elizabeth. How exactly does one suck a fuck? You want me to tell you? We will not have this at the dinner table.

Stop. Well, let's get into a funny little story that happened to me on the weekend here, okay? Can we start off with that, right, chair? Can we start off with a funny little start to help me on a weekend right there? Y'all, ladies and gentlemen, you mind. I hope you don't mind. This is a story that I must tread on very delicately because it involves men and women and relationships. But in particular, well, it involves women and how they can get moody.

But it also, I guess, involves men on how they can kind of. justify behavior so it started like this I'm out of town and I go over to the local gym go over for a workout and I had my racquetball and my racquetball equipment with me and I thought you know I'll take my racquetball stuff into the gym I'll do a workout and should there be a lone guy wandering around looking for a game of racquetball I'll be the guy right

So I'm halfway through my workout, and sure enough, this middle-aged guy walks in, and there's a lady with them. You know, a middle-aged lady, and I'm assuming they were probably boyfriend and girlfriend. And so I looked them up and down, and I saw that he had a racquetball racket, and she didn't. And he was heading towards the racquetball courts, and he got over there, and he's kind of looking around. and I thought, ah, man, I'll jump in and see if that boy wants to play a game of ragged ball. So I walked up to him. I said,

hey, man, if you're looking for a game, you know, I'm good to play. And he's like, oh, yeah, hang on a minute. Yeah, yeah, I might take you up on that. And I'm like, cool, well, you know, when you work it out, just let me know I'll be out here working out come and find me, right?

And I noticed he kind of shot a look to his lady. and I couldn't tell if she was like kind of into it or just ambivalent or whatever but I did get a little bit of a vibe a little bit of a vibe from her like excuse me you're intruding on my space

excuse me but I just walked away I turned and walked away and I figured if this guy wanted to play he could play so I go back to working out and go get a drink at the drinking fountain five, six minutes later. I look over and there's the guy standing there

kind of staring at me and I look up above and his lady's up on the next level on a bicycle one of those stationary exercise bikes and he's looking at me so I kind of nod my head. He nods back and I'm like, oh great

the guy wants to have a game his lady friends up there doing the life cycle. Here we go. So we go in, we start playing racquetball we play two games and in case you're wondering i won the first one he won the second one but i'll be honest i kind of let the second one slide i was just looking more for a run around i think i could have beat the guy two games straight but i didn't want to make him feel bad you know

so i just kind of kicked it i went a little easy on the second game and uh and then i said hey you want to have a rubber match and on the rubber match i would have kicked a butt you know and he goes yeah you know i better i better check on my little lady you know uh you know i told her uh you know we'd play racquetball and uh you know and we came here to work out together and uh she's mad at me and i'm like uh oh oh okay i can then a sudden i realized he had that kind of that energy where he's like he's kind of half focused like he's into what he's doing but in the back of his head he can hear her voice i thought we were working out Out together.

Why are you playing racquetball with a complete stranger? I thought we were going to play racquetball. So that voice was going off in his head. So I said, I totally get it, dude. Go do your thing. Thanks for the games. We, you know, fist bumped. A couple of cool racquetball dudes.

And then I see him walk out into the gym. I resume my workout. And then I see him walk by me again. Then I see him walk by me again. and I see his head turning all around like an owl. You know, and an owl twirls its head all around when it's looking for prey. This guy's head was twirling all around looking for his lady. And suddenly I kind of picked up on it

because this guy had been walking around for about two minutes. And then I started looking around for the lady subtly, you know, and I couldn't see her. I looked upstairs. She was gone. I looked at every corner of the gym. She was gone. It was a big gym.

It was one of those big warehouse style, you know, L.A. fitness places. And this guy's just roaming. Like, he's going from corner to corner. I see him go upstairs. He comes back down. He goes down by the locker rooms. He comes back out. He goes upstairs a second time.

He goes into where the daycare center. He goes into the yoga room. He's just like, he's probing every single corner of this gym. and I've already drawn my conclusions. I'm like, oh, man, she's gone. This girl is mad. She's gone. And she just left.

Like, she didn't even touch base with the guy. And so I finished my workout and I see him, you know. This is like, you know, we're talking 20 minutes later. He's still alone. He's standing over at the front check-in counter talking to the, the check-in guy, the attendant. right? And so I'm like, oh, man, now I feel bad because I feel like she's clearly, like, vanished. And he clearly looks distraught. And I thought, I better go over and say I'm sorry. And I thought, man, this might be good on the podcast.

So I accidentally, yes, accidentally left my phone on and it just happened to be recording by accident. and I went over and said sorry to the guy and he just, it was, I'll let you listen to it, but it's just so kind of, what a bummer. Check it out. Here's me going to apologize to the racquetball dude for interrupting his day with his lady. Did she take off on you, man?

Oh, no. I'm sorry, dude. I thought we're working out together. I go, well, we are? Let me just play one game in the racquetball. Oh, man, now I feel horrible. Is she coming back to get you? She's gone now.

Oh, well, she's probably just hiding in the locker room or something. Did you call her cell phone? I didn't bring my phone. Oh, damn. It's the waiting game now. All my keys are. Oh, sorry, dude. Oh, man.

Gary for that silent. Next time I'll know the rules when me and her go to the gym together. We don't do the same workout, you know. Yeah, yeah, right. Right. When the ladies are in the mood, you've got to watch your stuff. It's like the hurt locker. You never know when you're going to step on a mind. All right, man. Hope it works out. Thanks. Oh, boy. See, there you go. Poor guy.

You know? And so this goes back to my first opening statement about the state of mind, the frame of mind of men and women. and it's like, it's like the woman is kind of using her attitude to crush him, you know? She's like kind of holding over him the whole, well, you didn't pay attention to me thing, right? And the focus should always be on me. And if you're going to divert the focus, then there's going to be a price to pay. act out and I'm going to let you know that I'm not happy and I'm going to punish you by going AWOL or giving you the silent treatment or whatever.

Don't, don't mess with me. Okay. I'm number one. I need the focus. I'm, I'm, I'm your priority in life. And it kind of sucks when women do that because it comes from insecurity or, you

I don't know their history. In this case, it could have come from, he has a track record of kind of not putting her first. And if he does, then she's in the right. But if he doesn't, then you got to be careful, ladies, when you pull that stuff. Because you may think you're getting the advantage on a man, but what you're doing is you're alienating the man because then the man starts to fear a pattern of this type of of behavior. No man, I guess not no man, but a lot of men with any balls aren't going to put up

with that kind of behavior because, you know, if it happens once, twice, then they can start to know they can expect it, and it's not a good way to resolve things, okay? The best way to resolve things is to talk them out and, you know, not let the little things get to you. Now, on the man's side, I'm guessing they probably had an agreement that they were going to spend some quality time together. This was a Sunday, and it was him and her day, and even though they were just working out, there's that feeling that you want to feel like you're together. Even if she's over on a life cycle and he's over, you know, lifting some barbells,

there's kind of that we're here together even though there's a lot of other people here the energy is it's me and you we're connected and so this guy probably violated that connection by all of a sudden

like dumping her in the first minute they were in the gym I mean I saw them walk in but I didn't know the relationship status and he pretty much like abandoned her and put his eye on playing racquetball

with me, and so he might have pulled a boo-boo by kind of violating that little unsaid connection between them, wherein this is our time, baby. This is, even though we're going to the gym, this is our time. You know, we're connecting together. And suddenly this guy just went, yeah, I'm going to go play racquetball. You have fun. Go work out by yourself. And you heard the guy, he's like, well, we don't even work out together.

Next time I'll know the rules when me and her go to the gym together. We don't do the same workout. See, I have a feeling he already knew the rules. And he was kind of justifying it, you know? I mean, we don't do the same workout together. I mean, why do I have to be with her? But he knows that that's not what it's about. he's supposed to be

you know he's supposed to be kind of at her disposal his focus can't be anywhere else you know she needs to be on her life cycle and every three four minutes she needs to look over and there he is curling some weights and they make eye contact

even though they're across the gym and there's a little smile or a little wave it's that we're connected thing right and this guy knows the guys we know that rule right but he violated because now he's he's in a he's in a white room isolated with with plexiglass he shut off you can't hear anything when you're in the damn when you're in the damn racquetball court it's like an isolation chamber and he's in there with another dude and we're laughing and we're we're fist pumping and we're playing sports like real men

and suddenly she just gets cut out she gets shut right to out of the equation. Oh man, poor guy. And he knew, he knew, he knew that little rule. You can hear it when I'm talking to him at the counter. He says it out loud. He's like, you know, he does her voice. He goes, I thought we were working out together. And I'm like, well, we don't do the same workout. Listen to this. She's like, I thought we're working out together. I go, well, let me just play one game around the ball. Oh, see, that that's what sucks about relationship. You can't get it to a place where you're, that's called walking on eggshells, okay? Ideally, you want to walk into a gym with your girlfriend.

It's like he clearly brought his racquetball equipment into the gym, and I guess he was going to play with her. But the fact that, you know, she says, I thought we were working out together, which is code for, you're not supposed to do anything with anyone else. We're doing this together. And he's like, well, I just want to play one game of racquetball, which is code for, well, I just want to do something without you for a few minutes. And so suddenly when you came in the gym, you had one agenda together and suddenly, thanks to me, thanks to me, relationship wrecker, there's now two separate agendas. And I honestly do feel bad like I kind of gumbed it up for these folks. but you know what it's the eternal thing between men and women so so for you men and you women who are

listening try to find that compromise try to communicate try to let the other one know that it's okay to go play the game of racquetball and vice versa even though i'm playing racquetball i'm thinking of you every moment and as soon as i finish with this person i'm i'm gonna play with you and i'm not excluding you know all that stuff you get you got to you got to get it out there if not it just leads to someone walking away and who knows man these are the small little things that for all i know this could have led to a breakup i think all of you have been in situations where something starts so small it's a little event and it just you know you can imagine the fight you know when the guy got home well i can't believe you just walked

away i mean all i did was go play racquetball with that guy and you just walk out and leave me I mean, how immature is that? And she's like, yeah, well, you said we haven't been spending time together lately. And you said we're going to spend time together, and we didn't. And then both sides just get gone, and then the relationship's done. So anyways, there you go. My little relationship adventure. And speaking of relationships, I think one of our callers called in with the relationship question.

Let's have a listen to what one of the pavement pounders had to ask. Hello? Hello. Harland, Eric from San Diego. Hey, I got a hypothetical. Say you were throwing a drunk tank for like one or two nights and you decided, well, I'm in jail in a drunk tank.

So you screw all the dudes in a drunk tank. And then after two nights you get released and then you brag about it. Are you a badass or are you gay? I'm not saying that happened to me. on either end, but just a hypothetical. Thanks. Okay, wow. That's, whoa, whoa, easy guy. You're up here. I need you down here, Nacho. Boy, that one's a little out of my scope. That one's a little out of my area of expertise. I might, Rogers holding up a name. Who? Hey, everybody. Who wants me.

have better sex? No? Yes? Yes. The answer is yes. You always want to have better sex. That's what you want it to be better, not worse. Trust me. And Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item plus free shipping. And more than that, Adam and Eve wants to make your life easy. They offer discrete shipping as your privacy is a priority. Plus 100% free shipping on your entire order. Doesn't matter how much you spend or what you buy, I will be packaged and sent discreetly for free and fast. Don't wait, Better Sex is just a click away. That's 50% off, one item, and free shipping. Bring more pleasure and satisfaction into your bedroom. Just go to Adameneve.com and select any one item. It could be an adventurous new toy or anything you desire. Just enter the offer code Harlan to check out. That's

Harland, H-A-R-L-A-N-D at Adam and Eve.com. This is an exclusive offer specific to this podcast, so be sure to use this code Harland so you get your discount and 100% free shipping code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. Okay, we can call this guy? Okay, Roger's saying we can call. There is a gentleman up at Fremont College in Ithaca.

He's a professor of sociology and human behavioral studies. Who is it? Professor Colin Fasmond. Okay. Why don't we do that? Because I would just send you in probably all the wrong direction. So we might as well have an expert, a professional in the field discuss this matter. Let's patch him through Professor Colin Fasmond.

Professor Fasbond, are you there, sir? Yes, I am here. Thank you very much. No, thank you for joining us on such a short notice. An important call. The gentleman... Yes, I heard the call, and the gentleman has a very good point. We do studies on this for many generations up here in Ithacaat, the college, and quite an important question.

Well, is it really that important? Oh, yes. Many men have this question, and the answer, we have done many, many studies of this, the psychological studies, studies on male sexuality, et cetera, et cetera. Okay, and we'd be interesting to see what your findings are. Well, like all things in science, Mr. Williams, it all comes down to numbers. Always it's coming down to numbers. What do you mean?

For example, if you are in the drunk tank with a group of other men... Okay. And you decide to engage in sexual activity with the man. Okay. Meaning, you know, bending over and performing conalinguists or... Well, isn't conalinguists on a woman? Well, yes, technically, but in jail, cannelingist can be, you know, on a man, too, because anything goes in the prison environment.

Okay, I didn't know that. There's folatios, there's a connollingist, there's the anal sexing, or usually in the prison, there is the anal rapings. Oh, God, yeah, I don't, I don't really like that term. Nobody likes that term, Mr. Williams, but anal rapings is a prison. Pretty much what happens. They go hand in hand. The male-dominated sexual activity in the prison system usually comes down to anal rapings.

What was that? En rapings. Annal rapings? That's what I said, anal rapings. Okay. God, I really... Boy, I guess I should have known we'd go there. Yes, and so the question from this gentleman was,

if I engage in sexual activity in the holding in the drunk tank this man over a couple of days back to backs of sequence yeah a couple of days

does that make me gay or does that make me badass? Yeah that's exactly how we put it well the answer is interesting it comes down to numbers as I said yes the numbers and it

It turns out that if you have the anal rapings or the connollingus or the coitus or the fallatio with the man... Yes. If you do it with only 12 men, you are badass. Okay, so 12... What? If you have... If you... If you have the anal rapings with 12 men...

Okay, do we have to... If you have the anal rapings, the fellatio... I'm still not sure fellatio works man to man. Well, I'm the professor here. Are you the professor? Well, no. So I would ask you not to challenge our findings, Mr. Williams. Okay, you don't have to get testy.

Well, you called me on short notice. I'm sharing my expertise with you and your audience, and it sounds like you're challenging me. Well, I just don't know how a man performs cunolingus on another man. Well, why don't you spend 25 years working at Fremont College in Issa, right by my side, as much. my assistant, and then maybe you'll understand. Okay, I'm sorry.

Now, if you have, if you have the aim of rapings, convalingus, philatios, coitus, whatever you have with 12 men in the prison cell, in the drunk tank, yes. You're most definitely a badass. You're a badass. Oh, yes, absolutely. It's a baddest ass in the whole drunk tank. Okay.

But if you have more than 12 partners, 12 men, if you have more than 12 anal rapings, you have to keep saying, anal rapings? Yes, anal rapings. Well, you did call me, Mr. Williams. I didn't call you. Okay. If you have 12 or more anal rapings, you're definitely gay. Okay, why? I don't get, so if you have 13. 13 equals gay.

I don't know why. That's just what we found out. We've studied the chromosomes. We've discovered, recognized the patterns, and the association with the number 13 and 13 anal power slams is... What? It's 13 anal power slam. Did you say anal power slam?

Mr. Williams, you did call me. Do you recall picking... Yes, I know we called you. But your terminology... are a little... I'm just telling you what I know. I've done years of research and you asked me. Okay, please continue.

So what happens after a man has had anal rapings or anal sexual activity with another man over 13 times, his brain recognizes a pattern. He has chromosomes recognize

a pattern and at that point wants to come and have more. It's similar to Do you smoke, Mr. Williams? No, I don't smoke. Well, smoking is an addictive pattern. Okay, you have a certain amount of cigarettes, and then the brain goes, I want more. I want more.

It happens with the Coca-Cola. It happens with the smoking. Maybe it happens with the junk food. It's like, oh, I want to, it's like I want a Wendy's Double Cheeseburger, or I want the anal rapings. Okay, whoa. I would like to go to Burger King for the home. of the whopper, give me a whopper, oh, give me the anal rapings. Okay, come on.

I want to go to Arby's and get the cheddar twirl. Oh, could I have the anal rapings? Okay. I got it, okay? So you are not gay and, but once, you are definitely just a badass, but once you get out of the jail, okay, once you get out of jail, you can even continue this pattern. and you won't be gay.

You could go and have 12 anal rapings at the Russian steam bath. The Russian steam bath. Oh, yes. You could have 12 anal rapings at the olive garden in the men's room. In the olive garden? In the men's room. Oh, my God. So you're still not gay, but if you have 13 in rapings in the olive garden men's room,

you most definitely are gay. and at that point you might as well just get a basket of all you can eat breadsticks and shop them right okay hold on guy are you sure about this study well again mr williams if you're trying to challenge my findings i can show you page after page document after document of our findings on the ain't rapings okay well thank you for your time Professor Colin Fasmond, and I hope this answers our caller's question. I most certainly hope, sir. We're happy to do the research, and we are certainly happy to share our findings with you, and perhaps maybe one day, I say, as a joke, maybe you and I, we could break some breadsticks. It's an olive garden. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Was that a joke?

Yes, Mr. Williams. I was joking. That's a little bit A little weird It's not like I really want to meet you At the Olive Garden What are you implying That I want to take you In the Olive Garden men's room

And gives you Endocrat things Okay, we have to go We have to go, Professor Is there an olive garden In your neighborhood, perhaps? Maybe we could sit down and talk about No, there's no Olive Garden

Are you, sir, because they're franchised all over the whole country and it's quite possible in fact it's highly probable just an olive garden within seven square miles of wherever you live no there's no olive garden

and I could simply meet you there we could talk have so all you could eat bread sticks maybe the olive of us said oops I've got to go to the bathroom oh I've got to go to the bathroom too why don't I join you hey why don't I bring this basket of bread

sticks into the bathroom okay we got to go we go into the bathroom It's got the olive oil. Okay, hang up, Roger. Where did you get that guy? That got a little odd at the end. But anyways, these are the things we do for the pavement pounders.

And I certainly hope that, is he gone? Good. I certainly home that Eric from San Diego had had his questions answered. His queries were, well, I shouldn't say query. his answers were Apparently 12 is fine Eric if you're in the drunk tank you're badass

but if you do 13 guys in the drunk tack you're gay and that's not for me that's from an expert so I don't want anyone flying off the handle saying oh that's not how gayness works you're born gay or you can't become gay or you

I don't know how you become gay or you don't become gay But according to this expert, when you're in that specific situation in the drunk tank, as Eric from San Diego needed to know. And again, as he said, he's not speaking from experience. He just wanted to know. I'm not saying that happened to me on either end. No, we get it.

We get it. You're a badass, dude. You're definitely a badass. You probably did like 12 dudes. And you are, according to the professor, you're one hell of a baddest. You know, we're near gay. You are nowhere near gay. You did 12, even if you did 11, you're still a badass.

You're not even gay. So there you go. Thank you, Professor Roger. Thank you. I don't know. I don't know. Anyways, let's shift gears here. Why don't we take one more call?

Because a few podcasts back, we had a guy tell me that he was pissed at me because I, sometimes I talk about serious topics on my podcast and he didn't like it he was like you stick to comedy dude stop talking about serious stuff and so I threw it out there I said well if there's anyone out there that thinks differently

I guess I want to hear the other side of the coin so we got a call from a lovely lovely pavement pounder and here's what she had to say. Harland Eric from San Diego hey I got a hypothetical no no Roger Roger please please play

the proper call. Thank you. Harlan, William, you big tea. Santa Panana from Florida, and I was listening to the show today. I have a couple comments. First, love the new opening. Flashback with that in a cherry song. It's kind of weird slash awesome, just how many of your shows contain some odd things. It could be seemingly totally random, but it connects to me and my life in some special way.

Like that song, for example, it's special for me and my sister. or my big sister for sentimental reasons. And so I have a counterpoint for the dude that love the message about not liking it when you get serious and he thinks you should just stick to comedy and he can stick it. I really enjoy your commentary on life.

In fact, story on TV or I read something interesting, I often find myself wondering what your take would be on it. So I'd be willing to bet I speak for a majority of pavement founders when I say that you have a great perspective on this thing called life and you not only make me laugh but you make me happy and even when the subject matter it might not be all smiles and giggles you do a good job of finding the light side of the dark i guess so so yeah you can get heavy on my ass anytime you want okay chicken jamme bye oh man see thank you so much and a banana from florida oh my gosh that that was such a nice

Such a kind, kindly worded call, and I do appreciate it. I'm glad that you like to hear the other perspectives that I come up with now and then. And it's interesting that, you know, we had a caller the other day that just didn't like it at all, and we have a caller here that likes it. So that's why, my friends, I have to just do what I do, and you're always going to have people that like what you do and don't like what you do. But my hope is that in the end, you just like everything enough

that it all sits well with you. Okay, I can't imagine that there's anyone in the world that puts out a product or entertain you in a way that every single damn thing they do is perfect and great and funny or amazing. I mean, look, I love Meryl Streep, and I've seen a few movies where she sucked. I love Jack Nicholson. I've seen a few movies where he sucked.

Did I give up on them? No, I still love them. There's musicians, there's painters, there's artists, there's sculptors, there's pianists, there's writers, there's singers, there's so many people in the world that if every single thing they did, I just adore. and loved, I'd probably get bored with them and move on. If I didn't see different variations in the notes, in the tones, in their personalities, I don't know, I might find them boring.

Maybe not, but you might find me boring if I just did the same thing all the time. And I'd probably get bored if I just did the same thing all the time. If there's one thing you've probably learned about me, I like diversity. I like to put my finger on different things. and tones and beats and comedic sensibilities. I mean, I can write a very clever joke, or I can just be an idiot. It doesn't, you know, and I like it that way.

I like it that I can kind of bounce around. So hopefully, for those of you that don't like it one way or the other, you hang in there, and you look for the stuff you like, and maybe every now and then you tolerate it. the stuff you don't like, but I do my best to make it all entertaining and interesting for you. So thank you, everybody. I respect all those opinions, the good and the bad, and I appreciate the phone calls. I don't need to be buttered up. I don't need to be patted on the back. I'm a big boy. I can take the criticism and I can also take the compliments.

I appreciate all of it. If you want to call and leave some kind of message, can be whatever you want. It doesn't have to be about me. It could be about your toenails. It can be about getting gang banged in a drunk tank in San Diego. It doesn't matter. 3-2-3-739-433. You can leave. It's just a voicemail so you won't be talking to anybody. You can leave a message and we might play your message on the air. Who knows? 323739, 43330, or you could write me at Harlan Williams.com, and maybe I'll read your comments on the air. And while you're there, check out the Harland Highway Store.

We've got all kinds of great products in there. We've got the magic F-Off t-shirt. I just put up a brand new hand-drawn t-shirt. Those things go pretty damn fast. Unfortunately, I don't do them that often. they're $65 bucks a pop because they're totally hand-drawn. They're one-of-a-kind. They're drawn right on the fabric, and you own the only one.

So there's a brand-new one up there. I just put it up today. It might be gone already. I don't know. But whoever gets it first, good on you. We have other shirts in there. We have DVDs, CDs, music, books, you name it. It's all there.

Go enjoy yourself. And also check my stand-up comedy schedule. I am going to be in the cold province of Winnipeg, Winnipeg, Manitoba. Oh, my God. Tonight, starting tonight, March 5th through the weekend, March 7th. I'll be doing five shows there at Rumors Comedy Club. The premier comedy club in Winnipeg, great room.

I've been there before. have a blast. Come on in, get out of the cold. Nothing warms you up better than laughter and the love radiating off of my body for you. And so I hope

you can get out there. That's going to be my only stand-up gig on the road in the whole month of March. So you better get out there. Come April though, you can see me in Cleveland, Ohio. April 9th through 11th, I'll be at hilarities, pickwick and frolic in Cleveland.

And then in April 16th to the 19th, I will be at the Ontario Improv in California, not Ontario, Canada, Ontario, California. It's about an hour outside of Los Angeles. Great club. Come on over. Then I'm going to be at the Nova Scotia Halifax Comedy Festival, Wednesday, April 22nd. That's one night only.

Big gala. Get your tickets. It's the middle of the week. What a great way to break up your week. And then the following a few days, I'll be at Comics in Connecticut. That's Comics with an X Comics. That's going to be April 23rd to the 25th. And then the following week, I will be in Ontario, Canada.

Yes, Ontario, Canada. Yes, Ontario, Canada, the nation's capital. I'll be in Ottawa at the Ottawa Yuck Yucs till May 2nd. Ottawa Yuck Yuck Yucs, May 2nd. Haven't been up to that room for many years. It's going to be a blast. Come on out and enjoy. Don't forget to check out my app, Philopio.

You can see it if you have an Android phone, tap in Philopio. It's a great game for your phone. you will love it people are raving about filopio uh if you want to learn more check out the home page of harlowe williams dot com and blah blah blah so that's it um i better get over to the olive garden i've got to um i've got i've got to uh what did i say i've got to go we're out of time and uh thank you for being here everybody be good keep it real in the deal and until next time Chicken. Chalmain, baby. Are you a badass or are you gay?