The Harland Highway - 654 - Harland on SPACE GHOST. What's so good about mornings?

Episode Date: March 9, 2015

Harland is a guest on Space Ghost, Coast to Coast. Are mornings really "Good"?. A meaty car accident occurs. Harland plays an obscure Canadian radio hit. Boo ha ha hooooo!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Sweet a Christmas A crumbull cake But for those of you that didn't understand what I just said I said sweet Christmas crumbull cake. Why? I do not know. Um, Oh,

but I do know we have a great podcast for you today. Yes, we do. Yes, we do. You're such a good boy. Yeah, who wants a nice podcast? Who wants... Okay, enough. Um, what have we got today?

there's been a horrible car accident. The Oscar Meyer Weiner vehicle has been in a car accident. Wait, do you hear this story? Hello. Also, an interview with me, Harland Williams on Space Ghost, coast to coast. You'll be able to hear it on here. A very fun and funny interview with me and Space Ghost.

Also, I'm going to play an obscure Canadian new wave pop tune that I think you guys will like from time to time. I dig up old Canadian hits that I grew up on that I don't think were accessible or played much in the United States or around the world. So I'm going to do that. Also, we're going to be talking about mornings, waking up too early, yuck, and also take a call from a pavement pounder. So here we go. This is the Harland Highway. Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to introduce The Harland Highway

I promise you, I will please you all, believe me What is he like? What's he going, anyway? Oh, he's an angel. He's an angel stuck from nothing. You're going to need a bigger coach. You're listening to Harlan Williams. Why don't you give me a name and a face

and a reason why? Your man, what do you expect the guy that's jig alone, man? It's over, Jenny. It's over. Nothing is over! You just don't turn it off. You just made a wrong turn. On to the Harland Highway.

Weird. Just plain weird. You're not me. I'm still alive. I'll tell you what I won't give you, you muckers. I won't give you the satisfaction of saying that I'm sorry. Welcome to the Harland Highway. Oh, you get your money to work.

Believe me. The Beach Girls and the Monster Starring John Hall Sue Casey and the clamorous Wadousie dancing girls from Hollywood's famed Whiskey A Go-Go Nightclub. Music by Frank Sinatra, Jr.

Chicks, do you have a problem? You won't have after you meet The Monster on the Beach. If you see this ghoul, Play it cool. Beauties in bikinis, laughing, singing, surfing, sinning. Beach party lovers making hey hey in the moonlight while the monster waits and watches.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This one will kill you. Beach girls and the monster. Oh, scary, scary stuff. Oh, oh, all right. Um, speaking of scary. Imagine this. Imagine you're out driving, okay?

You're just driving along and a giant, you know, 15-foot weiner comes flying at you. Yeah, to check out this headline, the Oscar Meyer Wiener Mobile was in a crash. You've all seen the Oscar Meyer Wiener Mobile. It's a big giant like Oscar Meyer Wiener on wheels. And apparently one of the Wiener Mobiles crashed into a pole in Pennsylvania. The mobile hot dog. That just sounds weird. The mobile hot dog.

It slid off the road. in Anola, Pennsylvania. That sounds very close to Ebola, Pennsylvania, which is scary. I don't think you want a giant weaner driving through the Ebola. They said that the report on the crash was being finalized. No one was injured in the Weiner Mobile, and they say apparently the Weiner Mobile, we'll be back on the hot dog highway soon.

Wow. The hot dog highway. Is that anywhere near the Harland Highway? So there's pictures of this of the Wiener Mobile and the whole front end is crunched in. There's the front window, there's a big like spider web fracture in the glass, which indicates to me that, The guy who was driving probably flew forward in the wiener and smashed his head against the glass.

And I hate to draw this comparison. But it's probably a lot like what a sperm cell does when it is being ejaculated and the ejaculator is wearing a condom. right it's like the sperm cell comes flying out and boom right into the into the condom and that's got to be the same when you're driving around in a big phallic symbol a weener and you're just motoring along you got to feel like maybe you're a sperm cell inside that thing and then then you hit a pole and you go flying down the length of the wiener and bam smashing you're your head on the glass uh-huh that's that's like birth control right there man um

so you hate to see a weaner get into a crash um I hope they were there I hope the rescue cues were there on the scene with relish I don't mean relish

like the condiment relish but they they were there aggressively with relish you know that word with okay forget it um and uh and so i wanted to catch you up on this i didn't i wanted to catch you up on this story i didn't i don't want to catch up you you know what let i'm just going to stop i'm going to stop um this is just getting too pun filled so there you go watch out for giant weeners rolling down the street okay okay okay okay my name

Christine, all right? I like to hear from you. Okay. Well, I don't think you're going to. But what I would like you to hear, you know, every now and then, as you gang know, I was born and raised in Canada, and we grew up on, you know, a lot of Canadian radio. It was mandated in Canada. The government has a mandate, and it still exists today where radio stations, I think I have to play 30% Canadian content or something like that. Some kind of percentage has to be Canadian content. And so growing up, we got exposed to a lot of Canadian bands and a lot of Canadian music,

some of which made the leap over the border into the United States, and some of it even went overseas, and some of it went global, like people like Brian Adams and you know some people went big and then some people remained a little more obscure and in Canada they're a common band

they had hit songs that were common but never really made it down into the states and so I have another one that I want to play for you that I grew up on that was a really cool town and, you know, I don't think I've ever heard it down here in the U.S.,

but it's the quintessential 80s-80s-like tune, pop tune. It's got the way the guy sings, the sound of the music, the rhythm, the flow, and it's super catchy, and it's a song that I kind of recently rediscovered, and I love it, and I play it a lot in my headset when I'm wandering around. and I thought I'd share it with you guys and see what you think about it and hopefully you like it too I don't own the right to it

I'm not getting paid for it it's really this is just a song to give this band some exposure and hopefully you'll hear the song and go on to iTunes and download it if you like it and let's see what you think I'll tell you who they are

and the name of the song after I play it. But I want you to hear it just on its own Canadian band, Canadian song. Here it is. You're on your own and meet a friend. Who doesn't kill but wounds for life? The sun blinds you through the trees While watching clues fall from the skies And she smiles

At the point of the knife You never see any of the knife You never see anyone How the strong will survive At the end of the gun The Way run Frozen smiles swam and returned They never even left this place

She kissed me softly on the cheek And the shadow cut across her face At the point of life, you never see anyone How the strong will survive At the end of the garden We are out I walked for miles and miles to the sea I know you've never tried to deceive

At the point of the knife, you never see anyone, how the strong will survive at the end of the gun. At the point of the knife, you never see anyone. I love that tune, man. It's just, it's, it's, it's, it's, uh, got such a cool, new wavy sound. And I guess that's technically what they were was like a new, a new wave band. And the name of the band, some of you might know it. It's called Strange Advance, Strange Advance, and the name of the song, obviously, is We Run. Um, these guys, uh, are Canadians.

Uh, they, they were formed in 1982 in Vancouver. British Columbia, Canada. And I think they only did like three, two or three albums. And then they just kind of disappeared. They were nominated for many awards. They got a Juno, which is the Canadian Music Award for Most Promising Group. In 1983, and then in 1985, they were called the Group of the Year. and their big album was called Worlds Away.

And so there you go. A little plug for some homeboys. And like I said, I don't know that that song ever kind of got full circulation down here in the U.S. So I hope you like it. And as I said, you could probably go to iTunes or somewhere on the internet and download it. And hopefully you enjoy it as well. So there you go. bit of canadian for you today there my friends all over the world on the harland highway okay

my name is christine all right i like to hear from you morning yeah that's right good morning is morning always good everyone always says good morning mornings can be one of the most miserable times of the day nobody likes to wake up No one, everyone feels groggy in the morning. Everyone looks disheveled in the morning. You got, you got Kentucky Fried Chicken Nuggets growing in the corners of your eyes. Those big yellow golden chunks of gold. Your hair looks like you put a wig on crooked.

There's a dry, like, drool crust. Looks like you've been licking a dairy queen ice cream cone all night, and it dried on your chin. Your face is puffy. Your breath smells like the back end of a skunk that's got diarrhea. God. Your body aches when you wake up. Your head spinning.

You're drowsy. We should stop saying good morning. Why don't we just call it like it is? Horrible morning. Horrible morning do you I just woke up Horrible morning Sun's in my eyes

Horrible horrible horrible morning I look like ass horrible morning But here's the real kicker This is when you know you're up way too early Okay

We all hate waking up We all hate not being able to sleep But this is when it's at its worst okay you wake up it's early you can't get back to sleep you hobble out of your bed you go through the living room you walk to the front door

you walk outside you look up in the sky and there's the sun coming up okay it's low in the sky but the sun is halfway up you're like oh god it's so early and then you look in the complete other direction

in the sky on the opposite end of the planet to the sun and you look and the moon's still up what? The moon is in the sky how does what what

and you're standing there you're like what planet am I on it's like remember the first time you saw Star Wars and you're on Luke Skywalker's planet and there's like two two suns in the sky that's what it feels like

you wake up on you're here on planet earth the sun's up and the moon's up all at the same time and you're just waiting for Luke to go by in his hover car you know I'm waiting for C3Pio to wander out of the house

I say master Williams your omelette is ready would you like white toast of brown master Williams It's just very unnerving. Your brain can't comprehend early in the morning. The concept of the sun and the moon being visible at the same time. It's just weird.

It's like a weird Star Trek episode where they got transported to a backwoods, nasty-ass planet. So very peculiar. very odd don't know what to do with myself and so I guess all I can say is horrible morning to you

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and 100% free shipping. Code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. Yes, and speaking of morning, there's a different type of morning. It's the morning we do when people pass away. when people die

and there's a gentleman who recently passed away by the name of Gary Owens many of you knew his voice he had a very distinct voice he did the voice of Space Ghost Space Ghost Coast Coast to Coast

he did the voice of Roger Ramjet he did the voice he did a bunch of voice work on Laughin, a very popular show in the 60s and 70s 70s, and you'll recognize his voice, but I had the honor of spending time with Gary. I did an episode of Space Ghost with him, and I had a ton of fun. We had a laugh, and it was very weird, a bizarre, and silly, and as a tribute and a memory to Gary Owens.

Here's my little four-minute stint on Space Ghost, Coast to Coast. Please welcome my first guest, Citizen Harlan Williams. Greetings, Harland. Hello there. Billy? My name is not... Billy. Oh.

It's Space Ghost. Hey, Billy. Got ya. Don't call me Billy. I do not care for the name Billy. Space Ghost, you... You're a little rambunctious today. How would you like it if I pulled down your pants and spanked your bare bottom,

Right here in front of Zorak, Maltar, and everybody! I'll say one word about that. Noddy. Noddy. Noddy. Noddy space ghost. What do you mean? There's naughty stuff going on in your head.

You probably have, like, daydreams about pomegranates and pomegranates. Seafleas. Seafleas. Timber. Shot with ship cookie dough. You like wood, don't you? Well, sure I do. Who doesn't like wood?

Cedar. mahogany, rustic pine. Yes, wood is good food. Noddy. What's the matter? What's that? Alter. All right.

Uh, hang on. Uh, is this on the same tape? Stop! God bless you, oh, black-capped, whitey legs. Do you have varicose veins? No, I don't. I bet you've got big puffy vein pulsing away.

like organ grinder monkeys on cheese twist. Yeah, he's got legs like his greasy granny. That X degrees tacked two years onto her life, thank you very much. You ever rubbed a bar of soap on your grandmother's forehead? I don't think I'll have occasion to, being that she's no longer with us. Why? What would happen? Well, you'd have yourself one heck of a sparkling clean grandma. Maybe you didn't hear me.

My grandmother bought a farm. Really? Camel or crops? She's dead, all right? I don't want to talk about it. Oops, back to the veins. Tell me about your veins. See, I'm turning the questioning around.

Now, tell us about your big, greasy space veins, white legs. Arland Williams, I will not hold court to your mischief. Space Ghost, the completion backward principle. Uh, completion backwards principle? Tell us about the veins. Remember, Zorak creates an aversion while you circumnavigate ghost planet at the speed of life. That's right, Space Ghost. Causing the planet to reverse its rotation.

Which in turn opens a multidimensional castle. Thusly causing time to go backwards so that I can redo and or cancel the interview before the secret of my hideous and spidery varicose veins becomes common knowledge to the general public. You see now? Space Ghost? Yes! Why didn't I think of it before? You did. You called it the completion backwards principle. All hail Space Ghost and his giant pulsing vainy legs. Sora, create a diversion. Hey, everybody!

Look at me! Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do dao dao dao dao dao. Where is he? Ever see Superman 1? Yes. You'll be back in a sec. He's back. Greetings.

I am space ghost. Would you wake up with a Winnie the Pooh video in your shorts? It is. You went the wrong direction. Are you sure? We've been on for three hours now. I want time and a half. Oh. I think I pulled too many keys.

That a boy, Jerry. There it is. A little remembrance to Gary Owens, great, great talent. Sad to see him go. Gary was, he was 80 years old, I believe, when he passed away recently. He died on February 12th, 80 years old. He was living in Encino, Los Angeles. And a really long career and a voice that I think everyone at some point in our lives heard,

whether we were aware it was him or not. It was a very distinct and unique and just a really cool sounding voice. So thanks to him for having me on his Space Ghost show all those years ago. And I had a blast. It was an honor and a pleasure. Gary Owens, rest in peace. Good sir. Hello?

Hi, Harland. I am a huge fan. My name is David Bay. I live right here in Appleton, Wisconsin. Me and a large group of friends of mine are doing a trivia contest that they hold here in Appleton at Lawrence University. I understand that you live in the area. I know it's really late at night. I apologize for that.

One of the things that we have to do for the trivia contest, it's a little bit off topic for trivia, but we were told we had to do a TV commercial. We had the video recorded, send it in. Again, we're all huge fans. We thought it would be absolutely hilarious if, for some reason, you're still up this late, and would be willing to hang out if we could remake the seven-minute apps

from something about Mary. My name again is day-to-day. My phone number is 9-20. I, again, I apologize for how late the phone call is. I promise only about half of us to be drinking. So not a drunk call, not a prank. In any regard, if you don't get this until the morning, again, I apologize for calling so late.

But thank you for your time. And again, we're all huge fans. Bye-bye. David, wow, that is an unusual call. I'm usually not up really late, reshooting scenes from my movies, but I appreciate the enthusiasm. I appreciate you're a fan.

And I don't know who told you I lived in Appleton, Wisconsin, but I'm nowhere near that area. I live in Los Angeles. I don't know where you got your information from, David. It sounds like a fun night. Sounds like a fun game. I'm sorry I wasn't there to be able to help. I don't know that even if I lived next door,

I, in all honesty, would have woken up and gone over and reshot a scene from something about Mary. I just don't think that would have happened, but you never know. You never know. Look, the thing is, you got to ask in life, right? And you asked, and that's the important thing. But it sounds like you guys are having fun. Thank you for being fans listening to the show. And I'll tell you, I actually did a show, I think, out in Appleton at one point.

I think there was a comedy club there long ago called Penguins. I believe it was called Penguins. The guy who owned it was a really super guy, really nice guy. And I remember it wasn't a traditional stand-up comedy club. It was kind of like these guys took over. the basement of a I think there was a Greek restaurant up above and they kind of filled in the basement and turned it into a comedy club and I think the club was there for a long time it might still be there but when I was there it was pretty primitive and back in those days I'm talking probably 20 years ago I was there they allowed smoking and we're in this basement with no ventilation and I've never been in a more smoke-filled club. It was like I was doing a show inside of a cloud.

It was just thick with smoking. I remember coughing and feeling sick, and I couldn't believe it. And I kind of vowed right there. I made a rule in my rider that I couldn't do clubs where there was smoking because it was just like, it was brutal. But I remember the owner of the club took me to a strip club.

I rarely go to strip clubs But on this occasion Appleton's kind of in the middle of nowhere And we drove out to the country And there was a strip club called Bean Snappers I couldn't believe it They gave me a crazy

T-died t-shirt And on the front of the t-shirt It said bean snappers Nudy Club Appleton W-I And there was like three car of like strippers straddling the name bean snappers and then nudie club and on the back

of the shirt I'm not lying I still have the shirt it says what kind of dude don't like nude it's ridiculous and and a little footnote to the t-shirt I did a movie years ago called sorority boys and you know there was a sophomore sophomore comedy about a bunch of college dudes who dress up as girls and my character was kind of like a porno, like

kind of greasy dude and for the auditions for sorority boys over at Disney I wore the bean snappers t-shirt into the auditions for sorority boys and I got the part

so maybe I have bean snappers. Snappers to thank. What kind of dude don't like nude? So there you go. Dude, thanks for the call. If I ever do come through Appleton again, I probably still won't be able to do your little trivia game because I'll be a bean snappers, dude. You know, the nudie club? Because think about it, dude. What kind of dude don't like nude? And we'll end it right there, man. What a great place to end it. If you want to call me, you can always leave me a message at 323-739-43330.

I always love to hear from you pavement pounders. And I might put your call on the show. So feel free to call in. That's 323-739-4-3-3-0. If you forget the number, go to my website, harlandwiliams.com. and you can actually see the number right there on my home page. And while you're there, check out my stand-up comedy schedule. It is full of towns and cities.

I might be coming to a place near you. April's a big month for me. I'm going to be in Cleveland, Ohio at Hilarities. April 9 through 12, 9 through 11. I'll be at the Ontario Improv in Ontario, California, April 16th through 19th. I'll be at the Halifax Comedy Festival, April 22nd for one night only. I'll be at Comics in Connecticut. in Connecticut on April 23rd to the 25th,

and then I'll be at Yuck Yucks in Ottawa, Ontario, April 30th to May 2nd. And also on April 2nd, if you live in New York, I'm going to be at the Gotham Comedy Club in New York. York City hosting the Gotham Live. It's a taping for a TV show. I'm going to be hosting an episode of New York Gotham Live, which is a show that features

a bunch of really funny stand-up comedians, and I'll be hosting that live TV event. So if you're a Harland Williams fan, come on out April 2nd to Gotham. and you can have some fun with me there also if you're on my on my website wow I just I just swallow the bug please subscribe to my YouTube channel the icons down at the bottom of the home page all you do is click on it

and boom you are in you will get any wacky videos that I happen to post will come your way and every Monday I've been posting five-minute segments of my ridiculous indie movie, my four-hour-long indie movie, Fudgy-Wudge-Face. We are up to episode three as of now.

And if you want to get five-to-six-minute clips of this movie every Monday for the next year or more, you can watch a movie in pieces over the course of a year. It's a really silly, stupid, fun, goofy movie. And it's free. It comes to you via YouTube if you hit the subscription button on my web page. Also check out our store, all kinds of fun t-shirts. God, I'm having an asthma attack, even though I don't have asthma.

And music, all kinds of stuff in my website store. So check that out too. Tell your friends to get on the highway. Thank you one and all for listening. And until next time, everybody, Chicken. Chalmayne, baby. The day in the dolls had gotten

Oh, yeah! I've watched for miles and miles to the sea. I know you've never tried to deceive Oh, the point of the knife, How the strong will survive at the end of the gun At the point of the night You never see anyone

How the strong will survive At the end of the gun At the point of the night You never see anyone Thank you.