The Harland Highway - 658 - President BILL CLINTON calls the show. Diving for sunken ships.

Episode Date: March 23, 2015

Are we a culture of liars? Former President Bill Clinton calls in to discuss. Also, harland goes on an incredible diving adventure under the sea. Crunchy a munchy!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Oh, what a night. It's late. Even though it's daytime, I'm singing, oh, what a night. What a dork. Oh, what a dork. Hey, welcome everybody to Harlan Highway. My name is Harlem, William. And you'd be listening to my podcast, man.

So rock it out. Thanks for showing up, gang. Quite the show today. We are going to be discussing an under- water adventure that I went on. I actually got to go diving with an old shipwreck in an exotic part of the world. I'll tell you about that. Also, we're going to be talking about lying.

Have we become a culture of liars? Has lying become acceptable? Is lying just part of the norm nowadays in the United States? It kind of feels like it. We're going to talk about it. And then former President Bill Clinton will be calling in to talk about lying and some of the work he's doing around the world, some of the charity work he's doing around the world in Haiti and Africa and places like that.

So it should be an incredible show. Lots to talk about. A great guest, a former president, President Bill Clinton, calling in later in the show. Put your helmets on. This is the harlot. Highway Ladies and gentlemen

I'd like to introduce The Harland Highway I promise you I will please you all Believe me What is he like What's he like He's an angel

He's an angel Stop from nothing You're gonna need a bigger pose You're listening to Harlan Williams Why don't you give me a name And a face And a reason why Your Man

What do you expect The guy has chigolo man It's over, Jenny. It's over. Nothing is over! You just don't turn it off. You just made a wrong turn. On to the Harland Highway.

Weird. Just plain weird. You know what I mean? I'm still alive. I'll tell you what I won't give you, you muckers. I won't give you the satisfaction of saying that I'm sorry. Welcome to the Harland Highway. Oh, you get your money to work.

Believe me. But I want to say one thing to the American people. Okay. I want you to listen to me. I'm going to say this again. Okay. I did not have sexual relations with that woman. Okay.

Ms. Lewinsky. Okay. I never told anybody to lie. Right. Not a single time. Okay. These allegations are false. Okay.

And I need to go back to work for the American people. Thank you. Okay. Yeah, right. um okay um i wanted to touch on that that that lie from the president because i remember way back when when the beloved president of the united states stared into the television cameras and told america that he wasn't lying that he didn't have sex with monica olivinski that he was telling the truth that he had to get back to

work for the country, and then they busted him with some DNA, and he had to go on TV again and tell everyone he lied. And I said, way back then, I said, wow, this is probably going to blow the door open on people lying more and more. And I know we had a taste of it with Nixon, but back then media wasn't such a monster and politics wasn't such a monster and you know Nixon got caught and he paid for he eventually had to admit what he did and he paid for it with his presidency he he resigned man he was outskies but uh Clinton on the other hand clawed and scratched and fought to hold on to his power and his reputation and

and, you know, lied, lied to the world, lied to his country. And I thought, I remember back then when it happened, I thought, man, this is really going to open up the door for Americans in general. Because whether you like to think you're influenced by politics or politicians or your president or not, I think there's a subconscious in all of us where we've been programmed and we've been raised to, kind of think of our leaders as leaders, especially the president, that they are icons, that they are the moral compass, that they are our guide. And some people believe it fullheartedly, and some people don't believe it at all. But I think in everybody there's a little nugget of falling into that mindset.

And so when Clinton pulled that huge lie, which was kind of a sleazy lie, In fact, not kind of. It was a huge sleazy lie. I feel like, and I said it back then, he opened the door for Americans and other people of prominence and people in positions of authority and of stature to lie.

Because once you see the president do it and you realize how he did it with such a stone cold face, you know, came off as very convincing when he said, I did not have sex with that woman But then when you find out the truth You go wow that guy you know

He kind of tricked all of us But turns out he was a big liar And so I guess the reason I'm bringing it up Because I was thinking more and more about the Brian Williams thing The news anchor I know it happened about a month and a half ago Brian Williams gets caught lying on On TV about his

His involvement in the Iraq war and his news coverage and all this and that. And I guess it was a lie he'd been perpetuating for quite a long time. He'd been telling his stories over and over again. And I often wonder if Clinton helped turn a page when it came to people's honesty and integrity. And I'm not talking about, you know, people go, well, he was the best president ever,

and his approval rating was this that and that? It doesn't matter. I don't care about all that. I'm talking about the lie. and when your leader lies so blatantly, what is the ripple effect, what is the trickle-down effect to his constituents, to the people that voted for him, to the people that follow him? And as I said, whether it's conscious or in your unconscious mind, did it affect you? Did it make lying seem more acceptable?

and did it make lying easier for you to do? Because in a way, it's almost like catching your mother or father in a lie, right? It's like, well, Daddy just lied, so why can't I lie? Mommy just lied. I'm going to lie, too. And so I wonder, I wonder what the effect is on the country, on people in general. And I think, I think, you know, from my point, perspective, I find that people seem to lie more easily nowadays. People seem to lie more

quickly. People seem to lie without really having a conscience. People seem to get caught in lies. And before it used to be, you know, an embarrassment. It used to be humiliating. And now it's just like, yeah, okay, so you caught me. Now what? What do you want to do? Okay, I lied. So it's a lot colder. it's a lot uh i don't know it's it's it's a lot more um what's the void i'm looking for it's it's a lot more kind of premeditated and becoming more part of the culture i think not everybody but to those who who have a a propensity for lying i feel like it's it's become a convenient little thing that's uh that's almost accepted and and and it almost because it's done a lot more

I find that people in general are more accepting of lying whereas in the older days people would be oh my God he lied I can't believe it oh my God she lied and now it's just like yeah she lied like 12 times so anyways you want to get a coffee

it seems like it's not a big deal anymore like being dishonest isn't a factor anymore very interesting who is it oh we've got bill Clinton on the line oh my god okay well it looks like bill Clinton's calling in i guess he's listening to the podcast and he's upset roger okay i'm willing to talk to the guy if he wants to talk okay here we go we're going to put uh ex ex former president bill clinton

on the line to talk about lying uh hello Sir, Mr. Mr. Former President Clinton, are you there, sir? How are you, Harlan? I'm great. I heard that you were listening to the podcast, sir. Yes, I was, actually, I was, and I want to say to you that I am not a liar. Well, sir, I mean, you were caught red hand with your hand in the cookie jar, so to speak. My hand was not in the cookie jar, okay? My hand was in Monica Lewinsky's honeyhole.

I'm sorry, sir. I mean, my, what did I just say? You said your hand was in... I don't believe I didn't say what I just said. Well, you just said your hand was in Monica Lewin... Who? Monica Lewinsky, sir? I don't know who that is.

Now, if we could just stick to reality... Well, Monica Lewinsky, sir, is the woman that you... I don't know that name. I don't know that. Is that a man or a woman? Sir, that's Monica Lewinsky is a woman that... Well, I've never heard of her. Now, let's get back on point, Harlan Williams. Okay. I am not a liar, okay? Can we just get that straight up? Okay, well, uh, I mean, sir...

I am standing here. in Haiti, okay? And I'm working with people that are still suffering from the after effects of the earthquake that devastated this small, tiny island community. And I am helping put up houses right now as we speak. Are you telling me you're on a construction site there in Haiti, sir? That's right. I've been hammering. I've been roofing. I've been installing beams and flooring for the last six days. Okay, well, I'm hearing some noises in the background, sir. That's the hammering, and that's the people working the tools, and I have been up on the

roof. I have been hammering shingles myself. Well, actually, sir, those sounds, it sounds, I hate to say this, sir, it sounds like a casino. I am, what? I said it sounds like you're in, in a casino, sir? Now, if you're suggesting for one second, Harlem Williams, that I am at the Bellagio Casino in Las Vegas right now, plain blackjack with a couple of girls from out of town, and I'm about to go into the $75 a dish buffet. That would be slander, sir. I didn't say anything about a couple of girls from out of town.

Are you with a couple of girls from out of town? I am not with Karen and Cindy. I have no idea you talking about. Who the hell are Karen and Cindy? Who? You just said Karen and Cindy. Who's that? Karen and you said you were not with Karen and Cindy from out of town.

No, I'm not. I'm not with Karen and Cindy from out of town. Why would I be with Karen and Cindy from out of town at the Bellagio Casino? When I'm here in Haiti helping these poor people, they're destitute. they're hungry they don't have running water and i pick up your show and somebody has the nerve to call me a liar well sir i mean i when did you get to haiti pardon me you said you're in haiti i did yes he said you're fixing houses in haiti sir that's exactly what i'm doing you see right there i'm fixing houses and uh are you with Hillary are you are you with anyone uh who do you mean well I don't know did you just go by yourself uh no I got Sean Penn right here Sean Penn I know he's done a lot

of work in Haiti uh and he's with you now uh yes he is in fact he's up on a roof uh he's hammering some shingles in a roof right now let me call him Sean Sean Yeah, okay, he's waving to me right now. Okay, so you're with Sean Pan. And I think who else is here. Oh, yeah, there's Puff Daddy. You're there with Puff Daddy? And, oh, there's Prince Charles.

Prince Charles is with you. That's right. Puff Daddy, Sean Penn, and Prince Charles. and oh my god there's uh there's uh oh that's abraham lincoln over there okay mr clinton where are you sir i'm sorry where are you in are you in las vegas uh i could be if you want me to be i could be in las Vegas if that i mean if you know if i if i am not in las Vegas okay let me tell the American people right now. I am not in Las Vegas. Yeah, hang on. Yeah, Hyneken. Heineken. Yeah, bring, hold on. Bring one for the girls. Girls? Yeah. A couple of screwdrivers. Yeah. Okay. I'm sorry.

What we got was hammering the roof. I just heard you order drinks for a couple of girls. I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Ms. Lewinsky. Why are we back on that again, sir? Well, I thought that's where this was all headed. Sir, are you, you know what? I'm going to get a ping on your cell phone, and I... What do you mean, a ping? I'm going to track your cell phone and see where you really are.

Okay, I got to go. Oh, someone needs me. Oh, little boy fell off a roof. I'm going to go get mouth-to-mouth resuscitation a little. Haitian boy hold his head up Sean that's right I'll be right there okay thank you hold on sir wait a minute wait a minute hold on did he hang up oh for God's sake what what was that all about the guy says he's in Hachie or Haiti he was clearly at a casino what a load he's gone right unbelievable nothing ever changes

I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Ms. Lewinsky. One cheeseburger with everything coming up. Hello? Hey, everybody. Who wants to have better sex? No? Yes? Yes. The answer is yes. You always want to have better sex. That's what, you want it to be better, not worse. Trust me. And Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item plus free shipping. And more than that, Adam and Eve wants to make your life easy. They offer discrete shipping as your privacy is a priority. Plus, 100% free shipping on your entire order. Doesn't matter

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Don't throw your back out. Hello. Hey, Harlan. This is Brian. You're back. This Elph and Titus thing is that shit crazy funny. I haven't even finished listening to it yet. I don't have to hang up and finish listening to it.

but this is the Harland, Williams, that I know. Just crazy, off the wall. That shit crazy stuff. Thanks for the fun. Bye. Hello. Hello. Hey, what's up, Harlan?

This is Drew. And, Larissa. Hey, how are you doing, man? We just love you, man. We watch Patch Ville and just crack up every time to show. Melvin says anything. We wish Barbecue Eddie would call us because we'd love to slap around some ribs

and maybe we could grab a Heineken. We're just looking for a friend to have a barbecue. We're about to get married and we'd love to cheer at our wedding, man. Okay, right this now, March 13th, at 300th Hill Park, Arizona. Yeah, we know you're probably not going to make an appearance

because you're busy, man and we we just love you so uh we understand it's not good anyways you prove man you have a great heart and you prove that one person can turn a frown upside down chicken gentleman well thank you guys and gals uh let's deal with the first phone call first brian thank you for uh your kind words uh Brian was cracking up I think it was uh the last podcast or maybe two podcasts back. I did a interview with the elephant man and he was caught at the local zoo doing something inappropriate in front of the elephant enclosure. You can go listen for yourself if you want to hear more. Thanks for the call and also to you young newlyweds.

Oh my gosh. First of all, congratulations. That is a exciting, fantastic news for the both of you, beginning your journey together as husband and wife. All I can do is wish you nothing but the best and good luck. And I hope I can pass on that sentiment from all the other pavement pounders listening. And how kind of you to invite me to your wedding. Wow, what an honor indeed. Unfortunately, obviously, I missed the big day. I was not able to make it on March 13th. It was not possible for me. I actually went away on a little vacation to the tropics. And I'm going to tell you a bit about that right now, actually. But before I did that, I wanted to tell you guys, hey, congrats. Have a great life together. Much love and

happiness being sent your way. All right? And thank you for thinking of me. I would have been the weird guy standing awkwardly at the wedding not knowing anybody but then aren't i always that guy hello um but anyways yeah i wanted to tell you guys i went on a little vacay to aruba a ruba little tropical island that's off the uh northern east tip of south america and um it's a small little line i think it's only like six miles long and like three miles wide or something ridiculous so it's one of those real tiny islands that's uh totally focused on the tourism trade and uh it was a great place white sand beaches soft sand palm trees the wind blowing the tropical breeze blowing all that stuff kind of your your typical you know

resort um island vacay type of thing but but one thing that really stood out for me uh at Aruba, which was really cool. I got out on a boat and went snorkeling, and we actually went diving on an old shipwreck. I can't remember the name of the ship. The guy running the tour told us what it was, and I forget, because I was so excited to get in the water. And apparently this was a boat that was active during the war,

World War II, And I guess what happened is it, you know, as you know, Aruba was kind of settled by the Dutch, I believe. And this was a Dutch warboat, and what happened is the Germans commandeered it and basically gave the Dutch sailors like 24 hours to get off the ship. They were going to take over this giant ship. and I think it's something like a 160 or 215 feet long, something enormous, a very big boat. And it was an old steamship. And so the captain of the boat got half his crew off to land.

And then according to history, he kept a bunch of the crew members on. And before their 24-hour period was up, they went down, the captain went down with some of his crew, when they flooded the engines. They got them running so hot that they exploded. And basically the Dutch sailors and the captain jumped off the boat and swam into shore before the explosion occurred. But they facilitated the explosion and basically denied the Germans

the ability to commandeer their vessel. And so this beautiful, really, enormous warship was just kind of wasted and sunk to the bottom of the sea. And so we went and snorkeled and got to dive down and look at this boat. And oh my God, it's really, I don't know if you've ever been in a haunted house or a creepy old mansion or something like that, but it was just a haunting visual. to go down and dive near this boat. I don't know if you've ever seen the footage of the guys that found the Titanic,

and they go down with the cameras, and the boat comes into view, and you can see the barnacles and the coral growing, and all the little sea critters and fish swimming around, and, you know, the portions of the ship are still intact. Well, that's what this looked like. It's kind of like you're swimming along in the water and all of a sudden this hulking mass comes into view and you start to see shapes and you start to see railings

and you start to see turrets and you start to see portholes and giant bolts and big chunks of metal and sides and bows and masts. Oh my God, it was very, very haunting and almost supernatural. And the way the light reflects down through the water and the fact that the water's so silent. And here's this hulking boat just kind of sticking out of the bottom of the ocean floor. And you can't help but wonder like who was on it. What are the stories?

Who built it? Why is it there? And you just see these fish kind of floating around it and you see sponges and coral growing off the side. and it really fills the imagination with a bunch of incredible imagery. And, you know, it really kind of, it struck me a lot harder than I thought it would. I thought, oh, yeah, we'll go see a rusty old chunk of boat. But in reality, it was very moving and it was very intense, I found it to be. You know, my imagination started to fill in all these blanks and, you know, you almost wondered if you could hear,

the souls of the dead, or you could hear the cries of the sailors. Well, I guess in this case, nobody really died from what I was told, but you can't help but look at an old ship and think of dead sailors. So I guess I had to kind of fabricate that, but really fascinating. And it almost gave me the bug. Like, while I was swimming along the length of this boat, it really grabbed my attention. and I thought, am I, like, hooked on, did I just find my calling?

Did I just, did I just find a new interest in life? Do I want to, do I want to, like, spend the rest of my life, like, searching for old boats in the water? It was quite fascinating, and it kind of made me realize why these people are so obsessed with finding, you know, the Titanic and other missing boats, even Amelia Earhart's airplane that went down in the South Pacific, apparently what they think.

I kind of got it. It all clicked. Just how fascinating that recovery mode is. And coming upon these vessels must be a real sense of accomplishment, a sense of history, a sense of finality, maybe a little bit of closure. But you can't eliminate the eerieness and the supernatural feel that the depths of the ocean create.

So, you know, that was pretty much the highlight of my trip down to Aruba as far as the touristy stuff goes. The rest was pretty much the standard, you know, type of thing, swimming in the water and hanging by the pool and that kind of deal. But just a real delight. If you've never kind of done any diving or snorkeling with, Any kind of sunken vessel, I highly recommend the experience. And I'll leave it right there for your imaginations to fill in the blanks. What?

He's on the phone again? No, he's not. No, okay, put him through. Hello? Are you there, sir? Former President Clinton, are you there, sir? Hello, Harlan. How are you, sir?

Yeah, we had you on the line, and you hung up on us, sir. I did not hang up. There was a technical glitch. Okay, well, why are you phoning back, sir? I was on the boat that you were referring to, the one that sank off the coast of Aruba. Wait a minute, you were what? I was on the boat. I was one of these sailors on the boat.

boat that we went down into the steam room. The Nazi Germany's were coming to get us, and they gave us a little time to get off the boat, and we went down and sabotaged the whole boat. Wait a minute. You were there? Yes, sir. I was on that boat. So that was in World War II.

I'm sorry. It was when? World War II, sir? That's right. We're WW2. I was on that boat. I was a young sailor. So you would have had to have been,

I don't think you were born yet, or you would have been four years old. Well, I clearly, clearly, your forte isn't mathematics, because I was on that boat. What was the name of the boat, sir? The, well, that was the, the, uh, the, uh,

the, uh, the, uh, the, the, uh, the, the, uh, the, the, uh, the, the, uh, the, the, the, uh, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, The Edmund Fitzgerald, it was the Edmund Fitzgerald sunk by the Nazi German. Sir, the Edmund Fitzgerald, the boat that was made famous by the Gordon Lightfoot song? That's it, and it's no wonder he sang about that boat, because it was drama on the high seas. We were out in the middle of the ocean, and... Sir, the boat, the boat is less than a mile offshore.

Well, have you ever heard of tides? Mr. Williams, have you ever heard of the current pulling a boat closer to shore? Sir, the Edmund Fitzgerald was sunk by a storm in the middle of Lake Superior, one of the great lakes. Well, you say tomato. I say potato. I mean, tomato, or potato. Sir, where are you, by the way?

Are you still in Haiti? No, no. I am now in Africa. I am in a small village in Africa, a destitute village. We are right now as we speak. I am administering malaria medicine to a young, girl who's laying here trembling in the heat flies all over her face. Okay, because I hate to say this, sir, but it sounds a lot like, it sounds like you're at a

strip club. I'm sorry, what? I hear music in the background. What was that? What was that? I don't know. Maybe that was the little girl. No, it sounded like an announcer bringing out a dancer at a strip club.

Well, that's preposterous. This is a small town. There's no strip clubs. We are in the middle of a malaria outbreak. What small town is it, Mr. President? It's an African town. It's a village, really. So it might not even be on a map.

Well, sir, everything is on a map. Can you give me the name of the African village? It's Uka Makka-Kulanka Akalaka. Luca Pankawa. Okay, sir. What strip club are you at? I'm at the spearment. I am in Africa, and I am dealing with a malaria outbreak.

Now, sir, you did not. You were not on the warship. You were not in Haiti with Sean Penn. Are you there with some girls again? I am not. I repeat, and you listen to me real close, United States of America. I am not at the Spearmint Rino with Christine, Daphne, or Suzette, okay? I have not had a private VIP lap dance with Sean Wica.

Okay? Now, I am. Sir, those are very specific names, and I think I hear rap music and people cheering in the background. Well, there's a really nice dance. Sorry, sir. I better get going. No, if you could just tell me who you're with right now. I am here, okay?

I am here with some doctors and some nurses from Red Cross, from the United Nations, from the Red Cross Foundation, and we are talking, hang on a second. Yeah, Hineken. Yeah, give me a Hineken. Yeah, Sean. Sheka, what do you want? Uh-huh.

Christina. Okay, apple, apple martini and a sex on the beach, yeah. Hello. Sir, what was that? I'm sorry. I'm just, we're working with some children here. I think I just heard you ordered drinks for some strippers.

I've got to go. It looks like we've got, oh, my God, some wild hyenas. I just attacked a couple of villagers, a couple of little village boys. of being eaten alive by hyenas and so I've got to go. No, don't hang up, sir. Oh, my God, they're ripping their legs off. Oh, my God.

Don't hang it, don't you don't? No. Okay, she did it again. He's just, he's a liar. President, former President Clinton just out and out lying again. He said the guy's at the Spearmint Rino. Says he, oh God.

Okay, that's it. Get him. off. Let's, let's end the show right there. Jeez. Some things never change, I guess. Good night, Nellie Frittato. Um, yeah, let's end it, Raj. I can't take any more of that BS. Um, thanks for being here today, folks. Uh, here's a few announcements that, uh, might be of interest to you. I certainly hope, though. If you want to leave me a phone message, you know, the number 323-739. 4330 or you can go find that number at the website harlandwilliams.com and you can call and leave a message as our previous callers did you can invite me to your wedding your funeral your rocket launch whatever and you can leave me a message on the answering machine or if you want to write me you can write me at harlornwilliams.com What else can I tell you?

Let's look at some stand-up comedy dates. Nothing until April, but April 9th through the 11th. I will be in Cleveland, Ohio at hilarities. Get your tickets online at harlough williams.com. You can go to my stand-up comedy tour link and reserve your tickets, ASAP. Wednesday, April 22nd, I will be in Nova Scotia at the Halifax Comedy Festival. And then the very next day I'll be in Connecticut, April 23rd through 25th, at Comics with an X Comics in Connecticut. And then the following week, April 30th to May 2nd, I will be in Ottawa, Canada,

Yuck Yucks. Oh, my God. I haven't been there forever. So come check out the kid in action. Check out our store while you're online. All kinds of cool merchandise, t-shirts, music, books, all kinds of fun stuff. Also, some digital downloads. My latest comedy download.

It's all recordings of me live at clubs across the country. country dealing with hecklers and kook balls in a live setting at the comedy clubs. It's only $1.99 and you download it. It's all yours. Lots of laughs there. What else can I tell you, gang? That's about it for now. Thank you for being here.

Thank you for your letters, your phone calls. Thanks for listening. Share the podcast with your friends. them a link tell them to listen to the harland highway podcast and uh until next time chicken chamein baby i want you to listen to me i'm going to say this again i did not have sexual relations with that woman miss Lewinsky