The Harland Highway - 666 - Its PODCAST 666 and Harland goes to HELL!!!!

Episode Date: April 20, 2015

On this show, episode 666,  Harland goes to hell to chat with Lucifer himself. Also we discuss good and evil and learn about Revelations!! Sear my soul food!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome everybody to the Harland Highway podcast. Why am I doing such a deep voice? I don't know. I guess it's foreboding. And good reason today. Today might be one of the weirdest podcasts I've ever done. I've heard a rumor from Roger in my control booth. He told me that there is a possibility today that I might be going straight to hell

that I might be doing you know sometimes my boss Mr. Featherstone sends me on a remote podcast he makes me step out of the studio and into the street or whatever and this is podcast 666 I think you know you know

the symbolism of that and so I I've heard a rumor that he might be sending me down into the pits of hell today. I don't know if any of you have ever been to hell, but, you know, I'm not looking forward to that if, in fact, that's what's happening. But we are going to be talking about the devil, about 666. Are you religious? Do you believe in the forces of good and bad?

We might even read some revelations right out of the Bible. It's going to get hot here on the harlot. Highway Ladies and gentlemen I'd like to introduce The Harland Highway I promise you I will please you all

Believe me What is he like What's he going Anyway He's an angel He's an angel Start from nothing You're gonna need a pig of pose

You're listening to Harland Williams Why don't you give me a name And a face And a reason why Your Man What do you expect The guy has chagalal man

It's over, Jenny. It's over. Nothing is over! You just don't turn it off. You just made a wrong turn. On to the Harland Highway. Weird. Just plain weird.

You know what I mean? I'm still alive. I'll tell you what I won't give you, you muckers. I won't give you the satisfaction of saying that I'm sorry. Welcome to the Harland Highway. Oh, you get your money to work. Believe me. To you, O earth, and see.

For the devil sends the beast with wrath, because he knows the time is short. Let him who hath understanding reckon the number of the beast, for it is a human number. Its number is 666. Oh, boy, he's right. Here we go. Oh, my gosh.

So very scared, frightened, and alone. Um, this is that episode, um, podcast 666, and I don't think anything weird's going to happen. Um, it is what it is. It's just a number. Nothing devilish or ghoulish or satanic is going to happen to this show, even though some of you were very concerned about that. Hey, Arwen, this is Zach from Indianapolis. So I noticed that you're getting really close to a podcast number six six six um i don't know if you're uh religious or superstitious or anything but that's uh like the number of the beast of the devil so i don't know if any strange events might be happening uh on the highway that day but just thought you might want to heads up to take precautions but until next time chow maine okay uh interesting side note while we're

listening to that pavement pounders uh voicemail roger came in the studio here with a note this is odd from my boss upstairs mr featherstone um and this isn't surprising coming from him but the note says uh effective immediately harland highway and harland highway cast which is me i guess uh go to hell go straight to hell do not pass go do not collect 200, go straight to hell. And then it says, today at, okay, what time is it now? Right now, I need you to go to the elevator and press LLL, L, L, L, L, L, lower, level. Roger, I didn't know there was a lower, lower level in our building.

You didn't know? no roger wasn't aware of it either so so we have to do this right now yeah i know if i don't do what he tells me he takes a fit and he threatens to cancel the show okay are we wired good lord okay so i got to interrupt the show um my boss mr featherstone because he's politically incorrect tells me to go straight to hell for whatever reason he wants me to get on the elevator and go to LLL in our building. I guess he wants to meet me down there.

So let's get that over with, and then we'll get back up here and have some fun and have some laughs. Okay, so here we go. I'll meet you guys in the elevator. Rod, play a little sound bite, and then I'll pat you guys back in when I'm in the elevator. Cool.

Look at me! I'm over here! Damien, I love you! Look at me, Damien! It's all for you! Okay, so... I'm in the elevator. I'm head down. You know, I gotta be honest, I've worked in this office building. We've done the show on the studio on the 12th floor for, what is it, five, six years now?

I'm in this elevator every day. I never noticed that the LL button on here. Lower, lower, lower, lower level. Well, if you just joined us, my boss, Mr. Featherstone, insisted that I, he wrote me a letter saying, go straight to hell, which isn't unusual from him. And he told me to get on the elevator and go down to the lower, lower level. So I don't know if we're having a meeting down there. I don't even, maybe it's just a garage.

Maybe he's taking me for lunch. sure has taken a long time to get get down here Jesus oh wait a minute wait a think here we go okay doors opening

whoa oh it's hot wow holy that was like a blast furnace that was like a blast who the hell is that Whoa! Holy shh!

What's with all the fire? What did... Holy God, who the hell are you, dude? Holy! There's smoke and fire! Why are you all red? What the hell? How are you, Ireland? I'm good. What the hell is this place? Welcome to hell! wait a minute what are you all painted red

uh hello harland i'm lucifer what uh i'm did featherstone not tell you dude tell me what well i thought he sent you the memo i go straight to hell yes he tells me to go to hell all the time well welcome what do you mean welcome Well, who the hell are you?

Uh, hello, I've got horns on my head. Um, I'm red. Uh, do you see me wearing shoes? No. What do my feet look like? I don't know, they look like moose feet. Bingo, they're called clove and hoof feet, dude. Okay, why are you talking like a surfer?

Uh, hello, I'm Satan. Hello, you see what, did you know anybody? Do you know anybody with a pointed tail, dude? What the hell? Welcome to hell, dude. Oh, my God. This is on, but... Do you have air conditioning down here?

Uh, very funny. Well, I'm... Jesus, I'm sweating. Oh, yeah. You're in the fiery brimstone. Wow. Oh, my God. Look at this place.

those people? Those are like torching cells, dude. Why do they have like pitchforks in their backs? Well, it's pretty hard to be a torch and cell if you don't have like a pitchfork in your back, dude. Okay, can you stop the dude? This is just, first of all, it's disconcerting that, can you turn that music down, please? I'm trying to turn the music down. Please!

Okay, whoa, dude, you have to chill out, okay? This is like my crib, okay? And if I wanna play the music loud, I'll fucking do it. This is your crib, huh? Yeah, that's right, okay? So if I want to party to like angel hell music, I'm gonna do it. Oh, brother. Listen to ask you some questions, dude.

You wanna ask me some questions? I'm in hell. I'm in hell. I should be asking the questions. What is ice cream like? What? I've never, you know, I'm in hell, man. Is ice cream delicious? Ice cream? I come all the way down to the burning pits of hell,

and why do you want to know about ice cream? Oh, hello! Hello, do the orange fucking 19-foot flames mean anything to you, dude? Turn the music off! I'll play music however. I wanted my crib, dude. Now tell me about ice cream. So you've never had ice cream?

It's hard to eat ice cream in a furnace, dude. All right, the molten lava pits of hell are not very conducive to licking an ice cream cat. Well, it's delicious. What's better like Baskin Robbins or like Benadjarrays? I don't know. It's ice cream. What's better, Baskin Robbins? I'm better cheese.

Whoa, whoa. Easy. Well, don't get me mad, dude. I'm Satan, alright? I'm the beast. I'll ask you a question if I want to know what's better. Baskin Robbins are better cheese.

I want an answer, dude. Whoa, okay. I like Baskin Robbins. Oh, cool. What are some of the flavors? Are you kidding me, Lucifer? Call me the Beast, dude. Oh, God.

You know, Featherstones put me up to a lot of... You know, I didn't think that the New Year's Eve guide drop could be topped. Oh, yeah, the guide drop. Yeah, that guy that jumped off the building on the he's right over there. Hey, Larry! Hey, Larry, look who it is. It's Harlem Williams from the Harlan Highway. Yeah, remember New Year's Eve?

You were drunk and you raped somebody and you got depressed and you jumped and took your own life. You know, suicide guarantees you a ticket to hell. Yeah, Tyler Williams. There is. He's waving. Oh, no. A demon just put his arm off. Oh, my God.

So honestly, dude, what are some of the basket rob and flavors? You're going to ask me about ice cream. You're the Lord of the underworld and you're asking me about ice cream. I want to hear some flavors! Whoa, settled down! Son of the Dark Lord? I said, call me the beast, dude. I like that. The chicks take it too.

Oh, God. I don't know, they have mint chocolate chip, uh, caramel ripple, rocky road, strawberry, vanilla, chocolate. Um... Do they still have like that, um, Shrek, I heard that they had Shrek, like, a Shrek green flavor. Yes, they probably have Shrek green.

Oh, man, I'm getting such a hard on for ice cream. Ew. I can't help it, dude. Hey, have you ever been tobogging? Tobogging? Like, in the snow, it's no real, first of all. Oh, my God. Are polar bears real, dude?

Are you kidding me? Oh, man, if I could just. You know, what it would be a great day for me is to do ice sculptures, man. If I could do ice sculptures, that would be like heaven. You know, I don't think you should be talking about heaven. Yeah, you're probably right. But I would love to play in the snow. I'm a snowball fight.

Go to foggating. You know, sip hot chocolate at the ski lodge. But I can't be around snow, dude. Oh, God. Can we talk about, since I'm down here, can we meet someone? Well, who do you want to meet? I don't know. How about Hitler? Where's Hitler? Oh, the hits.

The what? The hits, dude. Did you just call him the hits? That's short for Hitler, dude. Oh, God. Could you stop saying God down here, you know, it makes people nervous? Sorry. Hey, Hitz!

There he's over there. is over there. Hey Hits, come on over, dude. Party with the podcast at Harlem Williams. Hi. Can you just, this isn't really a party? No, it's a party, dude. It's a badass party. You want to snort some coke off a demon's ass? No. No, I don't want to snort coke off a demon's ass. You want to, like, drink champagne out of, like, Lizzie Borton's asshole? Oh, God. No, I don't want to drink champagne.

Oh, God. Hey, Hitz, come on over here, man. Say hi to Harlan, Buckin Williams, dude. East Riding, Kongshok, Egan, Blab. Holy God, what's going on with him? What do you mean? Well, why is he? It looks like he's, he looks, he looks African-American.

Oh, dude. No, no, down, down, down, down. We were having like an O.J. Simpson party yesterday, okay? What? Well, you know O.J. Simpson, the murderer, right? That guy, as soon as he dies, he's coming down here. So we had like an O.J. Simpson theme party. And the Hitz, Hitler, is in blackface.

Oh, that is just wrong. Yeah, that's right. This is hell, dude. Wait a minute. You've got Adolf Hitler. Uh, his name's the Hits. You've got Adolf Hitler, down here in hell, and he's painted in blackface, which is politically incorrect, and he's O.J. Simpson. Fucking right. Party. O.J. Party. It's an O.J. Partay. It's an O.J. Partay. Oh, God. I got to get out of here, man. Oh, man, we're just getting started. You want to meet Osama bin Laden, dude?

We died his beard white. Put a red hat. on him. He looks like Santa Claus. Oh, this is too much. I'm out of here. I'm getting back on the elevator. Oh, dude, come on. Can you bring me some ice cream? No, I'm not coming back. Come on, just a bucket of like

mint chocolate chip or something. Please, please, please, please. I promise when you get here. I will. I'm not coming here. That's what you think. Okay, I'm out of here. Goodbye. Oh, come on, man. Stay for the OJ Part.

Okay, I'm out of here! Okay, well we'll see it soon. Okay, I love you. Off the rail, Ojet, Simpson. Each dragon, corks, rugged, bag, and nice, each speed, I'm a liter. You're hilarious hits. Hey, everybody, who wants to have better sex?

No, yes? Yes, the answer is yes. You always want to have better sex. That's what, you want to have better sex. You want it to be better, not worse, trust me. And Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item plus free shipping. And more than that, Adam and Eve wants to make your life easy. They offer discrete shipping as your privacy is a priority. Plus 100% free shipping on your entire order.

Doesn't matter how much you spend or what you buy, I will be packaged and sent discreetly for free and fast. Don't wait. Better Sex is just a click away. That's 50% off, one item, and free shipping. Bring more pleasure and satisfaction into your bedroom. Just go to Adam and Eve.com and select any one item. It could be an adventurous new toy or anything you desire. Just enter the offer code Harlan to check out. That's Harland, H-A-R-L-A-N-D at Adam and Eve.com. This is an exclusive offer specific to this podcast. So be sure to use this code Harland so you get your discount and a 100% free shipping code

Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. Good Lord. I'm out of here. Unbelievable. Roger, I hope you can still hear me. I'm coming back up. Go to a commercial and I'm out of here. Hey, Harlan, man. Make sure you say hi to Charles Manson for me. That guy fuck. Oh God, I'm coming up, Rodge. Oh, Charlie Maynitoo! Woo! Oh my God!

Roger, play a commercial! I want a party in Charles Manson's beard! Woo! I want to have an ice cream party. Shreff flavored ice cream. Baskin Robbins, Rocky Road. Ice cream party in Charles Manson's beer. Woo!

Ah! Woohoo! I'm a malignor horse-lagging broke flat Raylids and cream sling floggin with chocolate chip wagging the Frogger

And the light The fight of all they fight The ritual has begun Satan's war His door Sex, six Six Six

The world of the beast Sacrifice is going on tonight Wow Pretty trippy stuff The whole devil It was a little intense down there I didn't like it Making sure I'm not going down there

I'll tell you that I hope you don't go down there either Do you believe in that stuff? Do you believe in the beast, in the devil, in 666? It's a thing as old as time. It's a thing as old as civilized man. I think people have humans have believed in the presence of dark forces. evil forces

and it's interesting if you look around the world today boy it's hard to it's hard to dispute the evil that lurks in the hearts of men and women there is

if you believe in the power of dark forces if you believe that human beings were just here alone and we make choices between bad and good so be it but if you believe that there are bigger forces at work in the universe

and they tempt us and they they they prod us and they try to manipulate us to make bad decisions it's kind of scary I mean if you look at the state of the world look at corporate greed look at look at the terrorist organizations ISIS and people beheading and burning people alive and people stealing and murdering and killing and lying. Boy, oh, boy, there's a lot of it. I mean, thank God that there's a side to every coin, right? Like, thank God, as much as people find kind of do-gooders

and religious people and, you know, Bible thumpers, cheesy and make fun of them. Picture a world where we had nobody that kind of leaned on the side of goodwill towards men. And it doesn't even have to be religious. Imagine if you just took good people out of the equation and everyone was just like, you know,

had the attitude of the other half of the world where it's just take it and run and destroy and corrupt. Holy smokes. Because human beings can spiral. Human beings can get dark quickly. I mean, look what Hitler did to his country. He kind of, I'm sure there was a lot of good people in Germany. But one man came along and whipped up this euphoria.

and kind of took his whole country, his whole society for a ride. And people can get caught up in that pack mentality where they start to follow. And it's scary you see groups like ISIS and the Taliban and Al-Qaeda and all these people. And they recruit young children in an early age. They have the little boys assassinating adults. They have little boys walking up to grown men Who are kneeled down and shackled and putting bullets in the back of their head According to the media

You got Boko Haram Who kidnapped like 300 African schoolgirls They still haven't been found which blows my mind You know the government says oh we can't find the girls We can't we can't find 250 schoolgirls. They're in the forest. Now, excuse me, is it just me or isn't Africa crawling with some of the best trackers on planet Earth? I mean, you're talking about a continent where many of the people there started out from humble beginnings, from very hunter and gatherer

beginnings, where the African Bushmen could track a baby deer across 400 miles and kill it for dinner. These guys can look at a broken blade of grass and figure out which direction something went. They can see a little scuff mark on the ground and go, oh, that's a draft footprint. He was walking on his tippy toes. And you've got all kinds of hunting guides over there. You've got all kinds of poachers. You've got people that still live in the bush and are surrounded by all kinds of wildlife.

And so it's second nature for them to understand signals and clues on the ground. They're very aware of lions footprints and leopard footprints and broken twigs and paths and et cetera, et cetera. I mean, you've got all these skilled people, not that every, African could track, but there's certainly a large amount of people that could track with their eyes closed, and they can't find 250 girls? Hello? Yeah, right. It sounds like you're really trying their, you know, government officials.

These guys can track a baby gazelle through 700.000. miles of jungle and find it pinpoint it, but they can't find 280 girls that have been abducted and pulled into the wilderness? I can't imagine what all those footprints are. They look like girls' footprints, but that's probably not the girls we're looking for. But oh, look, there's some squirrel tracks, and I think I can find that guy. he's about 700 miles from here. I can tell you the exact tree he's in. Yeah, let's go get him.

But anyways, whether you believe in all the evil stuff or not, you know, it comes down to the Bible where, you know, the words of God, if you believe in God, are, I guess, I don't know, I guess the Bible echoes the words of God. And in the Bible is what's known as the Revelations, which is when apparently the devil will get his turn and come back to Earth and take over. And it's pretty intense stuff, it's pretty scary.

I don't know if any of you have ever actually read Revelations or, or, heard about revelations or seen snippets of revelation. So there's a lot of chapters of revelations, and I'm going to read one of them to you since we're on episode 666 right here of the Harlan Highway and see how it makes you feel. See if it resonates or makes your skin crawl or you just think it's goofy and silly. But these aren't my words. This is stuff in the Bible, Revelation 13.

Roger, can we have a little bit of music? There you go. Revelation 13. And I stood upon the sand of the sea, and I saw a beast rise up out of the sea, having seven heads and ten horns, and upon his horns, ten crowns, and upon his heads the name of blasphemy. And the beast which I saw was like unto a leper, and his feet, or as the feet, of a bear and his mouth as the mouth of a lion and the dragon gave him his power and his seat and great

authority and i saw one of his heads as it were wounded to death and his deadly wound was healed and all the world wondered after the beast and they worshipped the dragon which gave power unto the beast and they worshipped the beast saying who is like unto the beast who is able to make war with him And there was given unto him a mouth speaking great things and blasphemies. And power was given unto him to continue 40 and two months. And he opened his mouth in blasphemy against God, to blasphemy his name and his tabernacle and them that dwell in heaven. And it was given unto him to make war with the saints and to overcome them.

And power was given to him over all kindred. and tongues and nations and all that dwell upon the earth shall worship him whose names are not written in the book of the lamb slaying from the foundation of the world if any man have an ear

let him hear oh man this is intense just a little bit more I'm going to keep going hikes he that leadeth into captivity shall go into captivity he that killeth with the sword must be killed with the sword

here is the patience and faith of the saints and I behold another beast coming up out of the earth and he had two horns like a lamb and he spake as a dragon and he exercises all the power of the first beast before him and he causeth fire and he causes the earth wait and causes the earth and them which dwell therein to worship the first beast whose deadly wound was healed and he exercises all the power of the first beast before him

I just read that oh and he doth great wonders so that he make fire come down from heaven on the earth in the sight of man and deceiveth them that dwell on the earth by the means of those miracles which we had power to do in the sight of the beast, saying to them that dwell on the earth that they should make an image to the beast, which had the wound by a sword, and he did live. And he had power to give life under the image of the beast, that the image of the beast should both speak and cause that as many would not worship the image of the beast should be killed.

and he causeth all, both small and great, rich and poor, free and bond to receive a mark in their right hand or in their foreheads, and that no man mighty, by or sell, save he that had the mark or the name of the beast or the number of his name. Here is wisdom. let him that hath understanding count the number of the beast for it is the number of a man and his number is six hundred three score and six good lord there's a lot of earths in these writings he that liketh thou shall selleth it's like a giant biblical tongue twister and the beast came forth from the frothing water, and she selleth seashells on the seashore. And the beast just opened his mouth and saideth, Peter Piper picketh a pickle of pickled pepperths. I mean, good Lord. And the beast stood there and said, red leather, yellow leather, seven times very quickly. And whoever could not say red leather,

yellow leather, red leather, yellow leather, leather, leather, leather, leather, leather, was doomed to eternity and hellfire. Okay, I'm going way off track here. But anyways, I don't know, that's just one little passage from Revelation. And it's kind of like, it's intense, man. Like a guy coming up out of the water with dragon. heads and goat horns and yikes. It's kind of scary. I don't like it. So whether you believe or not, it might be a good time to, you know, evaluate where you are in life.

and just make sure that you know you're not on the bad side of the railroad tracks you know it never hurts to be good whenever you get tempted to do bad look inside yourself and search for what the better option search for what's good without getting preachy here it's just kind of common sense right so we'll see what happens um and i think we should leave it there kind of a heavy show we got we got we got this guy calling in and you know telling me that i'm doing show 666 and look where we ended up straight in the pits of hell

Oh, yeah, come here, you, Jeffrey. Jeffrey, Dahmer, come here, dude. Yeah, hey, listen, man, have you ever had ice cream? Have you ever had ice cream? Uh, no, man, you know, I'm, um, you know, I'm, um, you know, I'm mostly eat stuff. You've never had, have you ever eaten ice cream? Um, not unless they make like a, uh, you know, like a, uh, torso flavored or a, uh, uh, torso flavored or a, uh, uh, uh, you know finger and toe ripple

or you know like intestine swirl you know large intestine swirl or small intestine swirl oh that's right dude that's right I remember

you're the cannibal dude you're the cannibal serial killer Jeffrey Dalmer yeah yeah I got to say I really like it down here because you know I was a real

fan of like barbecue like Texas barbecue and stuff and everyone down here is just like seasoned so well you know it's like it's like you ever have smoked salmon it's like these people are like smoked because they're always standing next to the fire and you know there's just a real mesquite smoky flavor that permeates the human flesh down here oh wow dude wow that is so cool I'm glad somebody finally appreciates what I'm doing down here, man. Oh, yeah, man. This is like being at a, like a Kenny Rogers roasters for human beings. Like, I could just eat like legs and arms and forehead meat all day, man.

I'm like heaven. Okay, watch what you say. Okay, Dalmer. This isn't heaven. In fact, I'm going to have to change it up because it seems like you're having too much fun and this is hell. No, no, I'm sorry. Did I say anything? Hey, if you want to send me up, I can get you some ice cream.

Are you serious? You'll get me some ice cream, dude? Oh, dude, you rock. But I can't send you back up. Maybe Baskin and Robbins are bad people. Maybe Betty Jerry are bad people. Maybe they'll be down here soon. Whatever.

Ice cream party, Dahmer. Yeah! All right. Alright, you know what, you're cool, dude. I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna make like a small intestine raspberry swirl flavor when Ben and Jerry get down here just for you. Thanks, man.

All right, man. I'll see you later. Go get some lunch. Yeah, I think I will. That guy over there looks really delicious. All right, dude. Lates. I lived alone.

My mind was breaking. All need in time to think to get the memories from my mind. What did I see? All right, all right. I think we've covered it, Roger. Cut it. Cut it. I think we've covered the whole 666 thing. We've come to the end of the show. We've descended into the end of the show. I never thought I'd do a podcast and go to hell.

Have a chat with Lucifer and all this guy cares about is ice cream. What a weirdo. And who knew he talked like a surfer dude? That's what really threw me off. Wow. Guys like a, guy's like a surfer dude, man. Boy, oh boy, Lucifer. Anyways, let's get to some announcements here. Let's lighten the mood here a little.

Holy smokes. So this weekend, starting tonight, April 23rd, catch me at the Foxwoods Casino. in Connecticut, doing a show at comics at the Foxwoods Casino, C-O-M-I-X, tickets online at Harlowwilliams.com, or you can go to the Foxwood Casino website. I'll be there through the weekend. I'll be doing tonight, Friday, and Saturday.

And then that's it. No Sunday show. And then I had mentioned that I had a show up in Ottawa, and this is how funny Canada is. You know, I think I've told you before, Canada lives and breathes hockey. And the NHL hockey playoffs have started, and guess which team made it into the playoffs?

That's right, the Ottawa Senators. And nothing can compete with hockey in Canada. So guess what? We had to cancel my Ottawa show because the Ottawa Senator NHL hockey team made it into the playoffs and nobody's going to come to my show. show because they're going to be at home watching hockey.

That's how Canada works. But the show in Buffalo, because Buffalo did not make it into the playoffs, I will be the following week, May 7th through the 10th at a great comedy club in Buffalo, New York, called Helium. And my first time ever playing in Buffalo doing stand-up comedy in my whole career in Buffalo, so I hope you all come out in support. and we're going to have a great time. Very excited to be there for you.

And then later in May, we'll be down at the American Comedy Co. Oh, God, I still get some of the soot in my throat from being in hell. I'll be down in San Diego, California, May 21st to the 24th. And, wait, no, 21, 22, 23, 24. Yeah, Thursday through Sunday at the American Comedy Code. Go to Harlan Williams.com and you can look for the links on my stand-up comedy tour page. You can buy your tickets right there and come out to the shows. While you're there, check out the Harland Williams store.

We have some great gifts, great fun gifts. The Magic Fuck-Off T-shirt is available. Watch the video and see how it works. I guarantee you'll want to get one for 22 bucks. It might be the best shirt t-shirt you own. The magic fuck-off t-shirt in the harloweems.com store. Also check out the downloads throughout the site. We got crowd control on the stand-up comedy page.

It's $1.99 download, and it's a full hour of me ripping it up with crowds across North America. hecklers, weirdos, drunks. It's all live in the moment, heckle reactions. Well worth the price. Also, check out my stand-up comedy tour page for upcoming gigs. And subscribe to my YouTube channel. I've been posting a lot of wacky videos lately.

And if you look at the bottom of harloweems.com, you'll see a little link. It says subscribe to YouTube channel. You just click it. And you're in, there's no fee, there's no hidden cost, there's no spam, there's no nothing. Just whenever I load up one of my wacky videos, it comes to your email, and you can decide whether you want to watch it or not. And hopefully it puts a smile on your face. So there you go.

It's all that simple. So that's it. That's all we have time for today, my players. I am out of here. I hope to see you at one of my comedy gigs. And until next time, be good. Be good, okay? Make the right choices in life.

Try to be a good person. Stay away from the devil. Don't let him whisper things in your ear. Treat people the way you would wish to be treated. It ain't hard to be good, ladies and gentlemen. So be good. Just be good. I don't want you to not have ice cream for eternity.

And I don't want Jeffrey Dahmer to consume you like a bag of Tony Roma ribs. All right, so be good. Smile. We love you here at the Harland Highway. And until next time, chicken chameen, baby. I've never, you know, I'm in hell, man. It's ice cream delicious.

Thank you.