The Harland Highway - 669 - President of an anti-fat organization wants obese people off planes.

Episode Date: April 30, 2015

The President of CAFF, Citizens Against Fat Flyers, has devised methods to keep overweight people off planes. Plus, Harland gives relationship advise to a Pavement Pounder. Marry a guy named Larry!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It's the Harland Highway, a pocket full of weasels. It's a podcast, and you're listening to. Goes the podcast. Wow, okay, bad intro, screwed it up. Welcome to the Harlan Highway podcast, ladies and gentlemen. Great to have you here. What a show we have today? I'm going to be taking some calls, some phone messages from the pavement pounders.

That's you. And there's going to be some people there that are asking for relationship advice, which I'm really good at. There's going to be people there that have learned things from me. There's going to be all kinds of calls from the pavement founders. And we have an opening the show, we have a crazy call. There's an organization out of Texas that is very concerned about heavy people, obese people, getting on airplanes. They have a morbid fear that all the heavy people that exist now in the United States are going to cause airplanes to start dropping out of the sky.

And they have, let's just say, created some controversial measures to try and make sure that never happens. So we're going to be talking to some people from an organization out of Texas about fat flyers. Let's get your diet pills. This is the Harland Highway. Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to introduce. The Harland Highway. I promise you, I will please you all. Believe me.

What is he like? What's he going, anyway? Oh, he's an angel. He's an angel. He's an angel. You're going to need a bigger pose. You're listening to Harlan Williams. Why don't you give me a name and a face and a reason why?

Your man, what do you expect the guy that jiggle-all? It's over, Jenny. It's over. Nothing is over! You just don't turn it off. You just made a wrong turn. On to the Harland Highway. Weird.

Just plain weird. You know what I mean? I'm still alive. I'll tell you what I won't give you, you muckers. I won't give you the satisfaction of saying that I'm sorry. Welcome to the Harland Highway. Oh, you get your money's worth. Believe me.

Welcome to the Harland Highway. Why am I whispering? It's kind of creepy. Hey, folks, how are you? I'm going to start the show with a story that's been in the news. I've seen it kind of bouncing around, pardon the pun. But apparently people across the nation, across the country, maybe even around the world, are starting to get nervous.

about the weight epidemic, the obesity epidemic that's taking place mostly in the United States of America, and people who fly are becoming very concerned because they're worried of flyers, people who aren't obese, are worried about the amount of obese people in the country that are boarding airplanes. And they're becoming very jittery as flyers because they're afraid that these heavy set people that are getting on the planes and there seems to be more and more of them all the time could cause a crash. These concerned flyers are worried that all the excess pounds getting onto the plane

that accompany obese people obviously is going to turn into an air disaster before long. It's inevitable, they feel. They feel that all that extra weight is going to inhibit a plane from taking off and getting partway up off the ground and crashing into a fiery ball, or they believe that, well, up in the air, the airplanes will not be able to sustain power under the weight of too many obese people

on the airplane, which, you know, I don't know how much science there is to this claim, but you certainly can't dispute that when you fly on a plane, you see more and more heavy people getting on board, and I can understand the concern and the anxiety. We have a man who's the president of Kaff, an organization out of Point Smith, Texas, CAF, which is Citizens Against Fat Flyers. And we've got him on the phone, and he's going to talk to us about this growing epidemic and the concerns that he and his organization have, and what the organization CAF is planning to do about all this.

So, Raj, patch him through, and let's talk to Dale. Henniger, the head of, of Calf. Mr. Deneger, are you there, sir? How are you, Mr. Williams? I'm very good, sir. How are things down in, you're in Point Smith, Texas? Yes, sir. We're on the coast, just a little north of Galveston, Texas,

just off the coastline a little bit. Why don't you come down someday and have some seafood? We'll make up a nice big bowl of gumbo. Well, now wait a minute. That sounds like it could be fattening. Well, you got a point there, Mr. Williams. Maybe we'll just saddle up to the bar and have a die of coat now. How's that sound?

Well, that sounds more in keeping with the theme of what is it calf. That's right, sir, citizens against fat flyers. Now, that could be taken as, you know, in some circles, very offensive, especially if you're overweight, if you're obese. I do understand that, sir. We are sensitive. We are sensitive to our chubby flyers. But you've got to remember, sir, that when people, when citizens get on board an airplane,

they can't pick their flying partners. Do you see what I mean? Yeah, I understand. It's random. Absolutely, sir. So you don't know who you're getting. You don't know if you're getting a hockey player from Detroit. You don't know if you're getting a cattle farmer from Oklahoma.

You just don't know. So you're kind of stuck in that flying tube with whoever. decide to purchase a ticket and get on that aeroplane. I understand, sir. So I'm sure you're aware of this. I could hear when you were talking on your microphone there that, you know, there's a lot of heavyset people now in America. We're talking people pushing, you know, women fishing over 250 pounds.

We're talking men creeping up over the 300-pound mark, and even in the late high 200, sir. and, you know, you start talking about a human being getting it up over to 300, 350 pounds. I've got, I can tell you this, I've got calves on my ranch that weigh less than a full-grown fat man. And we're talking about a baby cow now. I'm sorry, sir. I said, we're talking about a baby cow now. You're talking about a baby cow now?

That's what I said, sir. Okay, so, I mean, you can't black-lived. heavy people from getting on an airplane. Well, this is what Taff is all about, sir. This is what Citizens Against Faf Flyers is all about. See, we all have families. We got work to do. We've run businesses.

We're family people all across the country, not just from down here in Texas. I understand. And, you know, when we get on an airplane, we assume that airplane go land at the other side. We're going to get off. We're going to meet who we got to meet, and then get back home to our families.

Okay. Well, if you knew someone was a terrorist, Mr. Williams, Would you let a terrorist get on that aeroplane? Well, I don't think so. All right, then. And why? Because you know that that aeroplane might not make it, okay? You know there's a high percentage of that aeroplane be flown into a building or rammed into the ground.

Am I right, sir? I guess you have to assume that. So therefore, when you see a lot, and I'm talking a dozen, two dozen, three dozen, very large people get on an aeroplane, You have to assume that that aeroplane is going to struggle. That aeroplane is going to struggle to get altitude. That aeroplane is going to struggle to maintain airspeed. And there is a probability that that aeroplane is going to crash right into the ground because you've got fat people by the dozens sitting in that airplane.

Well, sir, I mean, I think they designed the aeroplanes to account for... Now, I got to interject there, Mr. William. You know, most aeroplanes were built, you know, back in the 60s, the 70, most of the high percentage of the airplanes flying in the air today, commercial aeroplanes for all the major carriers now, Delta, American, United, Continental, all, even Southwest, that little shitty one. Well, watch your language, sir. I apologize.

Most of those planes are antiquated, and, you know, there was not an obesity problem in the United States of America when most of these aeroplath were built. And it is our belief that it is just a matter of time before these airplanes start dropping out of the sky. Are you saying that these airplanes are going to... These airplanes are going to drop out of the sky because of the fat people on board?

100%. It's just a matter of time. It's like a ticking time bomb. Or in this case, it's like a giant bun kick ready to explode in the oven. Well, you know, I don't... No, no. Well, I do, sir, and we are concerned citizens, okay? And we just want to at least, at least balance out the weight being distributed on an airplane so that we have a fighting chance to get home to our families. You see? Well, I don't think any planes have, as you say, dropped out of the sky yet.

There's the operative word, Mr. Williams, yet, okay? Now, I don't think we're blind, and I don't mean to be political. incorrectly incorrect, but I think we can see everyone in America just getting fatter and fatter and fatter. I mean, some of these people can't even walk. Some of these people, their ankles are folding in over their shoes. I've seen people with ankle meat covering up their shoe. I can't even tell what shoes that wear because they got folds of ankle meat rolling over their sip. Okay, I get it, sir.

Well, I'm just saying it's an atrocity. So what are you citizens against fat flyers? what are you proposing here? Well, if you go to our website, Mr. Williams, flubbleflies.com. What is it? Flubberflyers.com. Flubberflyers.com. That's right.

So flubbleflyers. Isn't that a little insulting, sir? Really? Well, you can call it what you want. I got a family to get home to, Mr. Williams. Okay. So what is, if I go to flubberflyers. dot com we provide an outline for how you can handle a situation if you're waiting in a terminal

you're about to get on a plane going somewhere business family holiday what have you and you notice that in your terminal there's an abundance maybe an overabundance of hefty people waiting in those chairs we have on our on our website love applies dot com we have ways we have ways that you can alleviate the problem now what does that mean? Well, we have little methods that maybe help thin out the hood if you've ever heard that term, Mr. Williams. Yes, I have heard thin out the term, and again, probably politically incorrect. And again, I've got to get home to my family. So here's what we have. Some of the suggestions we have on flubbleflies.com. One thing you can do is when you go to the airport,

you take your little carry-on bag with you, take pieces of chocolate cake, maybe some cupcake, maybe a bacon sandwich, maybe a glazed hand, whatever you can fit in your bag. What are you talking about food items? Exactly, Mr. Williams. And when you're sitting there, as they start to board the plane, when they announce the boarding process, just very casually, very subtly, not to offend, but just as a way to divert the heavyset person from maybe getting on the flight. Okay, I don't know if I like where this is going.

If I could just finish Mr. Williams to divert the heavy person from getting on the flight, maybe, whoops, oh, whoops a daisy, uh-oh, I accidentally dropped a great big slice of chocolate cake right there on the floor. Wait a minute. Uh-oh, whoopsa, Daisy. I just dropped a bacon sandwich over here behind this potted plan. Wait, what? Wait, wait, wait. Uh-oh, whoopsie, what's that? A trail of cupcakes going into the janitor's closet. See where this is going, Mr. Williams? I see where this is going, sir. It sounds to me like you're baiting fat people,

like the way someone would bait a deer in the forest or hang a fishing lure in a lake. Well, you're not far off the mark, Mr. Williams. So you're telling me that you scope out heavy set people in the terminal, and just as they're starting the boarding process, you start dropping delicious food. in the terminal so that the fat person gravitates towards it

and get so caught up in eating it that they missed the flight? Absolutely. I mean, one thing I can tell you about fat people, they're like piranhas eating a dead zebra, okay? They get their foremones, their adrenaline, everything gets, they get into what's called a frenzy. Have you ever watched Shark Week, Mr. Williams, and the sharks have a feeding frenzy?

Well, it's the same thing with fat, slubbery pieces of shouts. I mean, sir, watch your language. These sad people, when they see a cake, they will dive on that thing. They will eat it. They will get down on their hands and knees, eat it off the floor if they have to. They just can't wait, can't wait to get their mouth around that chocolate. Oh, my God, just dribbling all over the chin, rolling down the flabs in the neck. It's unbelievable.

Okay, sir. I mean, this is, come on. Well, I'm telling you, Mr. William. This is just the way it's got to be. Now, I read somewhere that you got in trouble for locking people in the restroom. Well, that's

right there on flubberflies.com. If you are going into the restroom, well, you're waiting for your flight, and you noticed that there's some, let's say, shall we say, fat fuck. Sir, you need to walk the language. I'm sorry,

Mr. William, but I just got to call it as it. I can't play game now. I gotta get home to my family I can't play game now I know you can't play games but do you really have to call them Fat fuck? Sir

I'm just calling like it is So at a lot of time these fat fucks They gotta eat and they love to eat And what happened when you eat a lot, Mr. Williams? What do you mean? Well let me answer it before You got a shit Sir, would you please dial back the language

It's not language Mr. William is a fact of like It's human biology. You eat your shit, okay? Now, these fat fox, they shit a lot. You ever seen a moose drop a loaf in the middle of the road? Sir! So just like that, they got to go into the bathroom, and they got to jettison all that manure straight out of that flubbery old ass.

Sir? And here's what we propose. When they go into the bathroom, and they do go in a lot, you simply lock the door from the outside. You take a piece of a wedge, or you start. stick a piece of wood in there, or you jimmy it with a, whether you grab a knife for a fork from the cafeteria or the dining room by the airport there, and you jam it into the door so they can't get out.

And missed their flight. Exactly, Mr. Williams. They'll be okay. They can get on another flight. Okay. This is just wrong. Now, what's this business I heard about a treadmill? Well, Mr. Williams, sometimes these fat fucks.

Sir? Sometimes these people, they squeak through despite all our efforts a calf. Sometimes the fat people, they break out of the toilet. Sometimes they finish the bait food before the plane gets to pull away from the ramp. You know what I mean? Some of these people eat so fast, sparks be flying out of the mouth and whatnot. Sir, come on. So what happened is sometimes these big chunkers actually waddle down the jetway

and make it to the front of the plane. Yeah, but what's the treadmill thing? Well, what we've done is we've proposed and we've paid for out of the money we've raised from donations to flubberflies.com, and what we've started to do is at the end of every jetway and every airport across the great country of the United States of America, we have a treadmill and garbage bags right there

before you get on the airplane, right at the airplane door on the jetway. Wait a minute, that little rampant. you go down. That's right. And just before you step into the plane? That's right. You have a treadmill there?

That's right. With a garbage bag. Wait a minute. What's the garbage bag for? Well, what we try to do is before the fat fuck... Sir? Before they get on the plane, we get them to put a garbage bag over the whole body. We put a hole in the neck so they can stick their head through.

We twist tight at the bottom around the... fat fucking legs. Sir! And we get them to jump on the treadmill and they just have to walk for about ten minutes. They can cut, you know, sometimes up to 13, 14 pounds at a brisk rock.

Oh, now that's just wrong. That is wrong, wrong, wrong. It is right, right, right, because sometimes a few pounds can make difference, Mr. Williams, and I'll tell you what, you get those chubbies rolling on that treadmill, and they sweat off some of that gravy dripping

out of their fat fucking paws, and suddenly they can fit in their seat, and we don't have to worry about that plane going down because they're roly-poly motherfucking ass cheeks. All right, sir. Show a little respect. You know, some people can't control their weight or they're eating. And some of the terminology you're using here is not conducive to being very friendly,

or being much of a humanitarian? Well, we're all human beings, Mr. Williams, and it's human beings we deserve to get home to our family. So we're asking everyone to sign up and get on board, get on your computer, and get to flubbleflyers.com, and join up CAF, Citizens Against Fat Flyers, or as we say in the coffee room, and this is between me and you,

Citizens Against Fat Fox Sir Is that what this is? C-A-F-F Citizens against Fat Fox And that's just between me and you, Mr. Whiff That doesn't get out to the general public Well, tell you what, it just did

Oh, who cares to Fat Fox in here? Sir Can you just knock it off with that? With what? With Fat fuck. Sir! I think I'm going to have to end it,

right here. Well, I should do appreciate you having me on and letting us get the message, spread the word. My name is Dale Hannager. We're out of Point Smith, Texas. You can check us out on fatflies.com. We are CAF citizens against fat flies, and all we want to do is all we want to say is wish everyone happy flying and happy landing. Thank you very much, Dale. I don't know how much this is going to resonate with my listeners, but thank you for calling in. You're very welcome. Make sure you get over to Costco. You can buy boxes of cupcakes for real cheap, litter them around

and try and lead the fat fox away from your airplane. Sir, hang up on him. Hang up. Fat Fox! Hang up on him! Good Lord. Citizens against

Fat Fox. Citizens against fat flyers. Are you kidding me, Roger? Is he gone? Wow. I don't want him calling back, Roger. Look, I get it, okay? I get it that there's a concern.

You're right, that, you know, he's right. Hey, everybody, who wants to have better sex? No, yes, yes. The answer is yes. You always want to have better sex. That's what, you want it to be better, not worse. Trust me. And Adam and Eve is offering 50% off

just about any item plus free shipping. And more than that, Adam and Eve wants to make your life easy. They offer discrete shipping as your privacy is a priority. Plus, 100% free shipping on your entire order. Doesn't matter how much you spend or what you buy, all will be packaged and sent discreetly for free and fast. Don't wait, Better Sex is just a click away. That's 50% off, one item, and free shipping.

Bring more pleasure and satisfaction into your bedroom. Just go to Adam and Eve.com and select any one item. It could be an adventurous new toy or anything you desire. Just enter the offer code Harland to check out. That's Harland, H-A-R-L-A-N-D at Adam and Eve.com. This is an exclusive offer specific to this podcast. So be sure to use this code Harland so you get your discount and 100% free shipping.

Code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. You know, any aircraft can only carry so much weight. That's just science. That's physics. That's math. And I guess, you know, the average citizen does have the right to be concerned and ask questions, but to, you know, to try and treat people like, you know, heavy people. like animals, and have them doing exercises before locking them in bathrooms and leaving trails of cupcakes that lead away from the gate, the boarding gate, down the hallway into the janitor's closet, where I'm assuming these members of CAF lock them in the

janitor's closet or whatever. There's got to be a more diplomatic, humane way to deal with this. and my apologies to any heavy listeners. I can't imagine this was enjoyable for you, but we do try to get all points of view across on the show, and, you know, we gave this guy a forum, and, you know, there is some rationale to what he said, but it's a very cruel message.

I think there's a better way to do it. And whatever that is, maybe we'll have Dale Henninger on another day, Hopefully people can write him at flubberflyers.com and maybe suggest some ways that he's a little more genteel about all this. But anyways, there it is. You know, we try to throw it out there for you to decide. And let's take a breath. I'm going to go get a donut and a coffee. And we'll be right back.

Wow. Hello? Hello? Hey, Harlan, this is Hayden. Just wanted to say, love your work, love your podcast, and especially the last one there for the Super Bowl. Just wanted to say you did a great job. I'm grateful for a pudgy, wudgy-wudge-face makes me wudgy-pudgy-fudge my pants. Yeah, appreciate you.

Bye. Wow, thank you, Hayden. I hope you get something to clean up with. Thank you for the call. I appreciate your call. as much as you appreciate my work. I don't even consider it work. It's just fun.

Hayden made reference to Fudgy Wudgey Fudge Face. If you haven't started watching it yet, you should. If you like ridiculous, silly movies, stupid, stupid, borderline mentally challenged movies. Fudgy Wudgy Fudge Fudge Fage Fage is an indie movie that I made and I've been putting up in segments on my YouTube channel. it's a really silly movie about a hillbilly and an alien if that doesn't kind of tip you off right out of the gate how ridiculous it is there you go um and just go to harland williams.com scroll down to the bottom of the homepage and you'll see a little button it says subscribe to the youtube channel and boom you're in there's no fees there's no hidden spamming there's no contacting you the only time you get an email is when I post a new video.

And as I said, Fudgy-Wudgy Fudge Face, an indie movie I did that's about four hours long. And every week I try to post a five-minute clip in sequence of the movie. So if you want to watch a movie for the next three and a half years, five minutes at a time, this is where you go to do it. But it's very silly. It's a lot of fun. People are loving it. And thank you for calling in.

Get on board the fudgy wudgy fudge face train. Wear a diaper, according to Hayden. Makes me wudgy, fudgy, fudge my pants. Yeah. Hello? Hello. Hi, Alan. Dave here.

I want your opinion on an argument that I'm having with my friend. Today was her birthday. And like all like two weeks ago, she was planning all this stuff like we were going to go painting one place and then she canceled that and then today we were supposed to meet up at a restaurant for her birthday

and she canceled that and I just thought you know she doesn't want to do anything for her birthday and she just wanted to be alone and miserable and then I got like a call later saying I'm an asshole I ruined everything and you know I just want your opinion on that

it just be crazy and chicken chal mane I didn't get to chime in Okay Something going on there I'm confused I'm not sure Who's who

Was that clearly you got caught You hadn't hung up in time You thought you were hung up But you fumbled with the phone And I heard the girl there Is that the girl? I don't know You said it was a friend

I'm a little confused because, you know, it sounded like you initiated all these things. You're going to go painting. You're going to go meet for dinner and drinks and dance around a maypole and throw flower petals in the air and be this great guy, this great friend. And she didn't want to come out. She didn't want to play. And then on top of all these wonderful gestures you made, she took time out to call you and say you were an ass

and that you ruined everything. So I got to ask, am I missing something? Did you, why would she lash out at you like that? Did you, is there a piece of this story missing? Did you do something where she told you not to do anything and you did? Did you cause some kind of stress or trauma to her? Or were you just this wonderful guy

who planned all this stuff and wanted to have the best birthday ever, and she just went bipolar on your ass. So I feel like, if I'm being a true detective, a true sleuth here, I feel like there's some missing pieces. But since I don't have the missing pieces, I'll do the best I can. You know, the women, the ladies, sometimes can be very problematic and hard to read. sometimes things can be going really great and in the blink of an eye

a woman can turn, go around a bend and never come back you can be skipping and whistling together and all of a sudden out of nowhere she can just become angry she can become aggressive, she can become confused I don't know what it is some people blame it on the PMS, some people just say, you know, women are different than men.

We just don't understand each other. But I've been victim to what you've said. I've had situations where I think everything's peachy and great and I'm being a nice guy. And the women, the woman seems to be reciprocating. The woman seems to be accepting of my gestures and my, my general. friendly, loving tone. And then in the blink of an eye, boom, Satan appears from the bottom of hell's lake.

Just, you don't know where it comes from. You don't know where the anger, the aggression, the whatever comes out of them. And it's been my experience that, you know, in my years of life that I've seen this come from women more than it's come from men. And I'm guessing maybe it's a chemical thing, it's a hormonal thing. I'm not a doctor. I'm not Dr. Phil. I'm not eight feet tall and bald like a vulture.

But clearly, women are wired a particular way. And I'm not saying it's the wrong way or the right way. I'm just saying it's complicated. and sometimes women get into a zone where not only do you not only do you not know what they want they don't seem to know what they want and so my advice to you is if you really love this friend if you really care about this friend write it through let her have her moment of confusion or bipolar disorder or anger or whatever it is PMS I don't know write it through Maybe you can talk about it in a few days when the air clears

and just keep on going. Now, if this becomes a pattern, if this becomes a problem where everything you do, every nice thing you try to do, you just trying to be a friend turns into all this drama, then you know what I'm going to say to you? I'm going to say move on.org. I'm thinking maybe, maybe this friend's too.

much trouble than they're worth. And I'm sorry if they've got psychological problems or bipolar disorder, because that stuff's hard to deal with, but, man, they don't have, they don't have the right to dump that on you. They don't have the right to drag you through their unstableness. And clearly, you sound a bit offended, you sound a bit hurt, you sound confused. It sounds like you wanted to be a friend and a nice. guy and giving and caring and loving and it was rejected on every level and you're mystified

because it's not like you were saying hey can I throw a pumpkin in your face you were like hey I want to throw a party for you I want to take you out for drinks I want to go do some paintings with you and she just turned that all around and shoved it right up your and you're standing there like feeling a little victimized I bet you're standing there going what what I do What was so wrong? What did I do? I'm just trying to be a friend. I'm trying to be a buddy.

How did I become this bad guy? And you might never know the answer, man. So here's my advice. Like I said, you can let it ride, write it off as she was having a bad moment. Maybe she was nervous about getting old, had some anxiety about another year. Maybe she had a bad day. Ride it out. Give her a chance.

But if it happens again, if it continues, if it becomes a pattern, I would tell her, I'd say, look, you've got to knock it off or I can't be around you anymore, at least give her a chance, let her know that you're on the way out. You can't deal with a friend. Friends don't treat friends like that. And if she continues, she ignores your outreach, you know what, buddy, it's time to move on. because there's a lot of people in the world and there's probably a nice girl out there who would be over the moon that you made those gestures, that you took the time and the effort to do all those wonderful things for her birthday.

And so you gravitate away from the negative and you transition towards the positive. Okay, there's my advice. and whoever that sneaky little girl is I hope that wasn't her she was standing beside you the whole time well you were explaining the relationship

whoever that little girl is she clearly said she didn't weigh in I didn't get to chime in she better call in and weigh in that's an order so good luck buddy and I hope it all works out. I hope you're painting and having drinks as I speak.

Hello? Hello. Harland, Eric, from San Diego. A couple episodes ago, you were asking your callers to practice the finger in the cheek noise, popping noise. And I've got to tell you, man, I got so fucking good at it.

I mean, I got bored. I was doing it for hours, both fingers, left hand, right hand, you know, going off. So I challenged myself, and it's actually better when you do it with a different part of a body. So let me get the phone going here. No, no, no, no. Hang up. No, thank you. Thank you for the call.

we do not want you to do the finger popping in the side of your cheek with another part of your body and I think we all know where you went with that young man yes why you would want to pop your cheek with the other part of your body I think it could just lead to

some very strong issues where you might fall in love with yourself So, yeah, just stick to using your fingers to pop your cheek. And I'm glad to hear that you partook in the little experiment. A few of the other pavement pounders called in and also did the old finger popping. Maybe we'll play some of their calls on the next show. But good for you. I feel good that I taught you people something new. For those of you that missed the other podcast, I instructed people step by step how to put your finger in your cheek and make it pop.

And I implored you, many of you, all of you, to learn this valuable skill. And clearly, you took my advice. God bless you, you're so smart. Enjoy it. Do not do it with any other parts of your body. that is not acceptable in this society. But enjoy your cheek popping. And we'll end on that.

That's a positive note right there. Good Lord. Oh, your neck's going to hurt, dude. Anyways, here we go. We're at the end of the show. Let's do some announcements. As I said, get on harlough williams.com. Scroll to the bottom of the homepage.

Press the subscribe button to my YouTube channel. You'll get fudgy-wudgy-fudge face. five minutes of fresh footage and this is a full-blown movie this isn't a cheesy youtube sketch this is a full-blown movie with great characters great comedy it's it's it's really stupid but i think it's so stupid you'll get a kick out of it and if you don't like it you can just unsubscribe it's that easy uh but i also put up other videos that aren't fudge you wudge you fudge face yeah always surprise you with other wacky weird videos so you don't got nothing to lose by subscribing. And as I said, if you don't like it, just unsubscribe. Boom.

Let's look at my stand-up comedy schedule, shall we? Can we do that? Can we please do that? Would that be okay if we, like, looked at my stand-up comedy special, my stand-up comedy schedule? Let's see, May 7th to the 9th, or sorry, yes, May 7th to the 9th, that's May 7th to the 10th, I should say. I'm in Buffalo, New York. First time ever doing stand-up in that city. It's going to be a blast. I hear they have great Lackawanna and Tonawanda chicken wings. Maybe we'll have chicken wings after the show.

Buffalo's famous for its chicken wings. So I'll be at a place called Helium. You can get tickets at harlornwilliams.com. Just go to my website and you can reserve your tickets ahead of time. And then later in May, May 21st, the 24th. You can catch me in San Diego, California, at the American Comedy Co. Unbelievable. Same deal. Just go to Harlowiams.com. In June, I'll be at the Ontario Improv in Ontario, California. And June 18th to the 21st, I will be in Houston, Houston, Texas at the improv there. So, awesome stuff coming up, man. go to harlewiams.com while you're there check out the store

harlewiams.com store for all your fun gifts CDs music movies books comedy albums digital downloads t-shirts it's all there it's all fun and silly and if you want to write me you can write me harland williams.com send me an email

and you can call me and leave me a voicemail as these wonderful pavement pounders have 3-23-739-4330 3-3-3-739-43-30 the number is on the website harlomwiliams.com check it out give me a call I love to hear from you guys maybe I can help you with your relationship problems

see the way I help this gentleman I can help you yeah right So that's it We are done Watch out for heavy people on your next flight And until next time A big

Fat juicy bowl Of diet-free Chicken Chau-Mame, baby I can get to chime in I'm sure Thank you.