The Harland Highway - 670 - A NEW horrible TREND that MUST be Stopped!! Neil Young.

Episode Date: May 4, 2015

Harland is upset over a new Hollywood trend that is emerging. Update on the Tesla car, and some music from Neil Young. Fung Ho Take out!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

oh my gosh oh my gosh there's there's a disturbing new trend that's beginning to emerge out of hollywood california and on this show i'm going to try and destroy it i'm going to squash it squish it i don't like it it's uh it's no good it's a stinker um so we're going to be talking about that on the show today also uh i'm going to give you an update on the Tesla car, the electric car, one of the pavement pounders called in and was asking about the Tesla vehicle. So I'm going to give you an update on how it's been going, how the experience has been. Did I mention I'm going to try and crush a new trend that's happening that I hate and I can't stand coming out of Hollywood? Yeah, I think I did. And also, one of the pavement

pounder called in and a little bit of an odd ball but he brought up the name of a great great Canadian and a great musician and so we're going to be talking about him and listening to some of that music later on in the podcast today so a lot going on I really advise you to put your rubber suit on put your goggles on And let's do this podcast. Okay, I'm Harlan Williams, and this is the Harland Highway. Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to introduce. The Harland Highway.

I promise you, I will please you all. Believe me. What is he like? What's he like anyway? Oh, he's an angel. He's an angel. He's an angel. He's going to need a bigger pose.

You're listening to Harlan Williams. Why don't you give me a name and a face? and a reason why You know, man, what do you expect The guy has chigolo, man? It's over, Johnny. It's over. Nothing is over!

You just don't turn it off. You just made a wrong turn. On to the Harland Highway. Weird. It's just plain weird. You know what I mean? I'm still alive. I'll tell you what I won't give you, you muckers.

I won't give you the satisfaction of saying that I'm sorry. Welcome to the Harland Highway. Oh, you get your money for it. Believe me. Okay, I'm starting the show with a beef. Not roast beef, not beef tenderloin, not beef Wellington, a beef. You know, we're taught not to be judgmental. We're taught not to cast aspersions on others. But I can't hold this one back.

I got to try and stop this before it gets a foothole. because it drives me nuts. I can't stand it. Okay? Now, as you know, I live out here in California, Hollywood, and as you know, a lot of trends start here. Okay, it's one of those cities where, you know, people see stuff in Hollywood, people see stuff in L.A.

And they're like, oh, I want to be like that. Oh, my God, I've got to be like that. Oh, my God, so cool. You know, all kinds of trends come out of here. And they not only ripple across the United States, they ripple across the whole world. And here's one that I'm right at the doorstep with this one. I see it starting, and I want to try and stop it.

Okay? Immediately I want to try and stop it. It is the most annoying, frutious. I hate this thing, and here's what it is. Okay, there's this thing that guys are starting to do, and I'm seeing it a lot at the gym. I go to the gym. I like to work out. I like to play racquetball, and a lot of the dudes, and I'm putting the word dudes in air quotes here,

because I'm not sure, but the dudes somehow have started this new trend with their hair, and I'm going to call it the slitsy, okay? I'll tell you why it's called the slitsy in a moment. But here's what it is. These guys, these dudes, men with beards, men with muscles, men working out, men that think they look cool, are doing this new thing where they pinch their hair on the top of their head, right in the top center, put your hand, put your finger on the top of your skull, right at the very top, like if a bird was flying over and pooped on the top of your head,

that spot right there. they're grabbing whatever hair they can off the top and pinching it and putting a little elastic band around it. So it's like they've got a pigtail or a little ponytail sticking out of the top of their head. It couldn't look more pretentious. It couldn't look more fruity. It couldn't be more, it couldn't be, I've never seen anything less masculine. It serves no function.

It's obviously some kind of cosmetic fashion statement. And it takes ordinary men who might be kind of macho, maybe tough, maybe have tattoos, and it totally turns them into the biggest fruit baskets I've ever seen. If guys out there that are listening are doing this, well, maybe instead of being mad at me, you can thank me, because I'm being honest. I'm telling you what a moron you look like. You look like an idiot.

And I don't like to judge, but I'm judging. I don't care. The judging gloves are off. When I see these guys, I want to put their head through the mirror at the gym. It is just the most annoying. And what's funny is it's starting. It's like one or two guys started doing it. and then the other guys are starting to notice it

and through no originality of their own through no fashion or trend setting sense of their own they're stealing this other person's idea and going you know that guy kind of stands out he looks different I've never seen that thing before the slitsy and I'm going to tell you why it's called the slitsy I've never seen that before and I think I'll do it too I mean, oh my God, who would have thought a little pigtail on the top of a full-grown man's head?

It just, it looks retarded. It looks stupid. And I hate it because it's there for all the wrong reasons. It's like, and what really burns my freeze-dried fudge face is that these guys are doing it. thinking in their heads that it makes them look cool and tough and you can just see them wearing that you can tell they're they're walking around the gym with this attitude like oh yeah this is fresh this is new this nobody's doing this i'm at the cutting edge of this trend oh yeah i got a little pixie tail on my head i'm like half a school girl i'm half a little school girl i can put

another little pig tail on top of my head to be a full school girl, but I'll be half a school girl. And now here's why I'm calling it. I'm naming this thing. You can spread the word. It's called the Slitsy. And you know why? It's called the Slitsy?

Because there's a movie, a black and white movie that came out way back when before it was politically incorrect to have freak shows in circuses. somebody did an old movie called Freaks, and it's a movie full of circus freaks. And one of the freaks, and I'm sure somewhere you've seen her, you can look it up on Google, there was a person, not an actress, they made all these freaks act.

They were real freaks in the movie. And one of the people in the movie freaks was this girl that I have to concede that I'm pretty sure she was mentally challenged but she looked more like a man than a woman she was very awkward looking

and had trouble speaking and they shaved her head and all they left on the top of her head was one of these little ponytails right on the crown of her head a little tuft of hair with an elastic in it and I think there's a cartoon character called Zippy as well.

And you couldn't look more moronic and dopey when you had this stupid little pigtail on your head. Here's a little clip from the actual movie. Here's Slitsy having a talk. She had like two sisters. And this is a scene from the movie where where one of the circus clowns is kind of, uh, flirting with Slitsy and her two sisters who also have the little moronic pigtail on their bald heads.

So here's him like flirting with them, and then you'll hear Slitsy talking. And just the way she talks is probably kind of indicative of the tone of anyone who puts the stupid slitsy on top of their head. Here she is. And if you're a good girl, when I get the price, I'm going to buy you a hat with a bigger feather on it. They shall have. Well, it's why. I wish you all that I had was in my time. Why, Slitsy, what's the matter? I'll tell you what's the matter. You have a slitsy on your head, okay? Did you understand one word that Slitsy said? And God bless her, I mean, this movie was very exploitive. I mean, they took all these mutants.

you know, they took midgets and people with no limbs and the bearded woman and giants and slitsies and they just rolled them all into this one crazy movie. If you've never seen freaks, you can see clips of it on YouTube, and look up Slitsy. Holy God, this is who you are. And no offense to Slitsy because she was born that way, okay? Slitsy couldn't avoid being who she was. And God bless her. Sweet little Slitsy with her.

You know, somebody probably put the Slitsy on top of her head. So she couldn't help it. She is who she is. God bless Slitsy. But you boys out there, you men out there who are turning yourself into slitsies by putting a slitsy on your head, this is you when I see you in a nutshell. When I see you with this moronic,

thing on top of your head. This is what I think. So there you go. I'm trying to say it was white. I wish you all right. I'm trying to stop the Slitsy before it happens. I don't know if you've started to see it where you live in other parts of the country, but oh God, I hope this one doesn't take a foot hold. It just, and it's not just the physical look of it. It's the attitude of the guys who wear it. They think They're so friggin' hot and cool and with it. And, oh, if only they knew what dinkuses they looked like. Oh!

And I just have to get that out. Sorry, guys. Like I said, hopefully I'm doing you a favor. And you listen to this and go, damn. Man, I put a slitsy on my head yesterday at the gym. I didn't realize what a dickweed I looked like. Thank you, Mr. Williams. Thank you for alerting me to being a.

full-blown, dumb-ass dickweed. So there you go. Just say no to the Slitsy my time stay. So there you go. Just say no to the Slitsy. And that's what it's called. If you see someone with that on their head, they're wearing a Slitsy. We have to stop it before it starts. Say no to the Slitsy. I rest my case. Why, Slitsy, what's the matter? Hello?

Hello? Hey, Arlen. I heard that you finally got your Tesla. A little bit of healthy jealousy here. Maybe I'll get one myself one of these days. But, you know, I always wondered, maybe if you'd ever named your car, it sounded like this car seems pretty special to you. What kind of name would you give it?

I don't want to go to the obvious part of me. I don't know it's electric at all. But, yeah, what would you name it? Thanks, Arlen. Thanks, Ireland. Tell me. Hey, everybody. Who wants to have better sex? No? Yes? Yes. The answer is yes. You always want to have better sex. That's what you want it to be better, not worse. Trust me. And Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item plus free shipping. And more than that, Adam and Eve wants to make your life easy.

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Oh, God. You had to ask me that today. Of all days, you had to ask me what I was naming my new car, my new Tesla. Oh, God, I just got it painted. You know, people paint the names on the back of their boat? I just got my Tesla back from the shop. I got in big black letters painted right across the back bumper, the name of my car of all the days to ask me. The name of my new car is, oh, God.

Slitsy. Oh, God. Why does this stuff happen? Slit, okay? Slitsy, and I actually had them put, it's like a hair plug on my car. I got the mechanics down at the shop. One of the mechanics had a ponytail.

I gave them 50 bucks. I got them to cut it off. And I got them to install it up on top of the sunroof. God, why did you have to ask me today? Slitsy. And ever since, do you want to know what it sounds like when I start up my car? Yeah, here, I'm going to record it for you. Here we go.

Now that my car's called Sidsey, when I press the ignition button, here's what it sounds like. Well, it turns, I wish I would have it's a much time today. Great. talk about horrible, horrible timing. Why, slitsy, what's the matter? But since you asked about my Tesla, I guess I should give you guys an update. I've had some other calls and letters

from people wondering about the Tesla, and I've had it for, I guess, about a month now, and I've got to tell you I'm loving it. Okay? I just love it. It's made driving exciting again. I actually find myself... looking for excuses to get in my car and drive. Like, it's like, well, I don't really need to go down to the store and get a bag of chips,

but sure would be nice to get in that Tesla and drive down there and get a bag of chips. Because it's just, it's such a different feel. You know what I mean? It's like still to this day when you start it, you don't know it's even running because it's so silent. Like, I swear to God, you start it and you don't know. All you can do is put it in. gear and it was like oh there we there we go i i had no idea uh that uh that that that that this

the the engine the motor was running so it's really fun i don't know if it's just a new thing but uh but uh it's really fun to drive and i found i'm finding out little cool things about it at night when i pull up to let's say i'm taking a left-hand turn and it's a tight turn and i come up against a wall or a guardrail or there's some kind of obstacle on my left, it's really cool. A light comes on, like up by the headlights, an extra light comes on and shines a beam onto the obstacle that's on my turning side. So let's say there's a retaining wall as I'm taking a left at a stop sign. As I get within about like six or five feet of the retaining wall, This extra bonus light comes on and illuminates the object on my left, which is really cool.

It's like, oh, yeah, oh, wow. Like, you can really see what's kind of on your side, because most of the time, once your headlights pass an object, it fades into darkness. But what's amazing is there's this little bonus light. And I went on a little road trip. I did my first road trip where, you know, I had to. to stop at a super power charging station and uh it was it was cool man i just you know Tesla has has a thing on the uh Tesla has a thing on your on your navigation that tells you where all the charging stations are so i went on a little road trip just outside of

LA just to kind of test it and cruise around and get on the highway and the car did great on the highway and I found the supercharging station and I pulled in and it was easy as pie. It was literally I pulled in, I got out, I stuck the charging cable into the port of my car and it started charging real fast. So it took about 20, 25 minutes to kind of half fill up my car. So I figure if you're on a really long road trip, you'd probably. need an hour to charge the whole car. But I was able to do about half the car in about 20, 25 minutes. And it was really cool. You know, it happened fast. I was able to pull over, make a few phone calls,

send a few emails, and boom, off I went. Free. Free of charge. No credit card, no going up to a gas pump, no pumping, no having to pay for gas. Free. And it was, you know, is, you know, the, the, The inconveniences you have to wait a little bit longer, but in a way, it was kind of cool because you're prepared for it. It's not like when you get in a traffic jam, you think, oh, I'm going to be home in 10 minutes, and then you get stuck in traffic, and you're like, oh, man, I'm going to be 20 minutes late, damn it.

It's like you've already factored in the delay to charge your car for free, so you're already in this mindset, well, hey, I'll go get a snack, I'll go get a little drink, I'll get a coffee, I'll get a muffin, I'll send a few emails. it's almost like a little coffee break from driving. And then the upside is you enjoy driving the vehicle so much. They're like, okay, here we go. Off we go.

So it was kind of cool. The only thing that I didn't really expect, and this caught me off guard a little bit, part of my road trip I had to actually climb some elevation. I was on flats, and then I had to go over like a small little mountain range. almost you know in los angeles we've got a lot of like a big hills and little mountain ranges the sierra nevadas and so for about uh i'd say about 15 20 miles i had to climb quite a bit i had to go up pretty high to get over this this mountain ridge and then come

down the other side and what i didn't realize is the battery used a lot more power climbing the hill and i i didn't really factor that in with my trip and so there was a moment where I got a little bit nervous. I was like, wait a minute, how much is this? So I actually had to slow down a little bit because it wasn't something I was prepared for. I just thought the battery, you know, dispensed its energy regardless of the terrain.

But when you're climbing a strenuous hill with the car, it obviously, and I should have figured this out ahead of time, it obviously used more battery power. But no problem. I made at home okay. I think I still had like 30 miles, 40 miles left on the battery. So because it was my first time doing that, there was a little bit of anxiety.

But outside of that, you know, I got it home, plugged it in and charged it up again. 250 miles. Ready to go. So I'm really loving the car. It's really fun. It makes me enjoy, not that I didn't enjoy driving, but it makes me excited to get my vehicle.

Like it makes me excited to rock and roll in my vehicle. And another thing that's really cool about it is you don't have to think about the key. This is really fun. Basically, your key has sensors in it. So when you get about four feet away from your Tesla, the sensors read the car and the door handles are embedded. in the panels of the door. So they're flushed with the door. There's no protruding door handles.

They are flush. And when you get about four feet from your car, the door handles slide out. And the side mirrors slide out. And there's lights in the door handle. So at night, the door handles are lit up. And it's great. So you never have to pull out your key.

And then as soon as you get in your car, your Tesla reads your cell phone. so everything activates your phone, your iTunes, your music. So immediately, without having to do anything, your car connects to your phone. So if a phone call comes up, it just comes into your car. You don't have to do anything. And then likewise, when you leave the vehicle, you never have to take your key out of your pocket. You get out of your car, you walk away, and you, um, your car just,

everything shuts down when you're about five, six feet away from your car. The door handles go back in, the engine shuts off, the lights go off, the music goes off, everything goes off. So it's really cool. You never have to pull out your key and fidget with it. You don't have to stick it in a port. You don't have to do anything. Everything locks and unlocks by itself. It was so funny, I stopped at a meter the other day on sunset.

Boulevard And I was walking I was walking back to my Tesla And I just happened to be checking a text On my cell phone And as I got close to my Tesla You know like I said the door handle slide out

And there was this dude walking by With his girlfriend and he stopped I guess he picked it off that it was a test And he goes he goes whoa dude I go yeah he goes Did you just start your car with your cell phone? And I went, no, no, it just, it opens by itself when you get close. He goes, oh, that's so cool.

And then I thought, man, that would be cool if I could start it with my cell phone. And then I went, wait, wait a minute, I can start it with my cell phone. That's another new thing that I should tell you about. There's an app when you get the Tesla. There's an app, especially for Teslas. And so I can start my car wherever I want. I can charge my car from wherever I am. I can turn the air conditioning or the heater on from wherever I am.

There's all kinds of functions that the Tesla does that you can do remotely. Let's see, I'm going to go into it right now. Here, I'm pressing my Tesla app. Let's see what it does. All right, here's the controls. You can lock and unlock your car. You can honk the horn. You can flash the lights.

you can let's see what else you can charge you can set the limit for the charge so in other words you can set your car to charge for four miles or you can set your car to charge for 250 miles um what else have i got i got the climate control i can i can start the car and set the climate so that when i get into my car on a hot day it's already cool or if it's a cold day, my car's already hot. There's a location thing, so I'm pressing this, and it's showing my car in my driveway. It's an aerial view, Google Maps, a satellite view,

so I can see real topography here. And also there's a directions thing. I mean, it's so cool. So if you're thinking of getting a Tesla, as you mentioned in your phone message, You know, I can't say anything bad about it. I'm having a blast. So, but you do your own research, you know, go, go into one of their showrooms, talk to them,

um, ask a lot of questions, go for a test drive, and maybe it's the car for you. I don't know, but I'm, I'm loving it so far. Um, it's, it's, uh, it's, it's working out for me, okay? Slitsy is, is doing it for me. Okay, so there's the, uh, there's the, uh, there's the, uh, There's the Tesla electric car update. One cheeseburger with everything coming up. Ireland, this is American from Michigan.

I want to just tell you that you have a compatriot in Canada. That's just as cool as you from Canada. His name is Neil Young, baby. You are my favorite Canadian chicken chow main, baby. Wow, okay. Thanks, man. Oh, my God. A very complimentary call and borderline serial killer.

Ireland is an American from Michigan. Wow. You know what I was talking earlier about that movie, about freaks? Uh-huh. Yeah. Why, Slitsy, what's the matter? Ireland is the American from Michigan. Oh, God.

I think this guy's been drinking some Slitsies, and I'm talking about Schlit-Bes. beer. I think he's been, I think this guy might have downed about seven cases of schlitsy. Wow. But I'll tell you, as scared, frightened, and alone as I am listening to that message, the pavement pounder had one thing right. Neil Young, who many of you might not have known as a Canadian, is just one of these rock icons that, uh, this one of these mega talented guys who has been part of the tapestry of music. like the, you know, the early 60s.

And this guy has had this long career. He's one of these multi-level talented guys that went from folk music to rockability to hard rock to, you know, ballads to, I mean, this guy, to country, this guy, this guy can do it all. And many of his songs are part of the fabric of all of us growing up. We all know Neil Young songs We all know who Neil Young is I mean the guy is really

A super talented Mega star in the music business He's got he's kind of up in that Upper echelance of the You know the boss Bruce Springsteen and Bono And he's kind of just one of those guys That kind of just is up there

He's not maybe as flashy He's not maybe as out front as some of those but I think within the music industry it would be hard to find anyone who would dispute the talent and the stature and the contributions of Neil Young. So I thought I got to agree with the gentleman

who called in on the Neil Young thing. Great, great human being, great musician, talented artists. I thought, why not end the show with a beautiful Neil Young song. This is one of his quieter songs. I find a very sentimental. I find it very soft and slow and sweet.

And it's one of those ones that you just kind of close your eyes and let it wash over you. And, you know, it kind of has that ability to make you kind of go back and relive maybe, you know, a romance that you had in your life. It kind of reminds me of, remember that movie Back to the Future and there's that scene where B, not Biff, Marty McFly goes back in time to his mother and father's high school dance.

I think the dance was called Enchantment Under the Sea or something like that. And that's where Marty McFly got up on stage and played the, Johnny Be Good song, and he, you know, he saw his father kiss his mother for the first time, and they slow danced. And it was like, here was this guy from the future who went back to this innocent, charming, romantic time. And the song I'm about to play you called Harvest Moon by Neil Young is reminiscent of that scene in that movie to me. But not just that scene in the movie, but any type of old romance. nostalgic romance obviously I don't have the rights or anything

to play this song or anything but it's you know it's part of the commentary here and you know so I thought I'd play it and hopefully if you're a Neil Young fan or you're not a Neil Young fan maybe this inspires you to go out

and listen to more of his music or purchase this song on iTunes and let's close the show out with a beautiful Neil Young song called Harvest Moon. Play it, Slitsy. Well, it's good.

Jam and challenge. Come. Come a little bit close. closer, hear what I have to say. Just like children sleeping, we could dream this night away. But there's a full mood rising. Let's go dancing in the life. We know where the music's playing.

Let's go out and feel the night. Because I'm still in love with you I want to see you dance again Because I'm still in love with you On this heart is smooth When we were a stranger, I watched you from afar, I watched you from afar. When we were a lover, I loved you with all my heart. But now it's getting late, and the moon is climbing high.

I want to celebrate See you shining in your eyes Because I'm still in love with you I want to see you dance again Because I'm still in love with you on this harvest moon Because of it. Because I'm still in love with you I want to see you dance again

Because I'm still in love with you On this heart is blue Yes, such a nice nostalgic song. I don't know if it's your groove, but it's one of those ones where I don't know if you listen to my podcast at night when you're falling off to sleep, but this would be a perfect song to play over again and just close your eyes and drift away and let the imagery created by the song wash over you, maybe takes you back to a soft, warm, wonderful, place to a romance you once had.

Oh, Lordy, Lordy, Lordy. All right, let's end it there. Let's get to some announcements. Let's start with the stand-up comedy. May 7th to the 10th. I will be in Buffalo, New York at Helium. My first time in the city doing stand-up comedy. I'm very excited.

Get your tickets online at Harlem, com. Then it's back to the West Coast, May 21st to the 24th at the American Comedy Co in San Diego. A fantastic room. I love it down there. Get your tickets. And in June, I'll be at the Ontario Improv in California, June 11 to the 14th. And then at the Houston Improv, the following week, June 18th to the 21st. Oh, yes. Good, good times. Okay. So we will hopefully see you there. Don't forget you can write or call me at harlwiliams.com. There's a contact forum on the web page. And if you want to call me, 323739, 43330, the number is on the web page.

Don't forget to subscribe to my YouTube channel while you're there. Check out the store, shirts, music, DVDs, books, everything. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. And just have a great time out there. Don't be a sitsy or a schlitsy or a slitsy or a flitzy or a flitchy or whatever the hell it is. Do not do that. And just concentrate on having a great day. And until next time, chicken chalmayne, baby.

I wish you were there, I would say I was in my heart of day.