The Harland Highway - 671 - BRUCE JENNER interview. Crazzzy news story involving fish!

Episode Date: May 7, 2015

Harland has an EXCLUSIVE interview with gender jumper Bruce Jenner. Also, a horrible fish plant accident. Irony, has it happened to you? And, do Americans hate Canadian music?? Sing a chicken wing!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

oh man what a what a show every now and then we get lucky we get a scoop here on the show we beat everyone else to the punch and uh this is fantastic hi this is harlem williams you are listening to the harland highway podcast ladies and gentlemen and uh boy we i won't keep you waiting any longer apparently we have bruce jenner calling him today the uh the athlete the man the husband of the father of the Kardashians, whatever he is. As everyone knows, he's going through this sex change, gender change operation, and so everyone's dying to talk to this guy. We got him, and I don't know how, but we got him. So he's going to be calling in. It's going to be a fantastic interview. We'll ask him all about it.

Also, we're going to be talking about a horrible story, a freak accident that happened at a fish factory. And way do you hear this? It's, oh my God. I don't know if there's a worst way to go out of this world than this story. We're also going to be discussing irony, the irony of life, the things we've had happened in our lives that are ironic. And then lastly, we had a pavement pounder complaining about Canadian music.

And so I get back at him by playing some Canadian music at the end of the show. This is the Harland Highway. Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to introduce the Harland Highway. I promise you, I will please you all. Believe me. What is he like? What's he going, anyway? Oh, he's an angel. He's an angel.

He's an angel stuck from nothing. You're going to need a bigger pose. You're listening to Harlan Williams. Why don't you give me a name and a face and a reason why? Oh, man, what do you expect the guy's chigolo, man? It's over, Jenny. It's over. Nothing is over!

You just don't turn it off. You just made a wrong turn. On to the Harland Highway. Weird. Just plain weird. You know what I mean? I'm still alive. I'll tell you what I won't give you, you muckers.

I won't give you the satisfaction of saying that I'm sorry. Welcome to the Harland Highway. Oh, you get your money to work. Believe me. The Harland Highway Crazy news stories That's weird That's strange stuff

Oh boy This story is I don't know This one is very crazy This one's cray cray as the kids are saying Which I hate by the way Cray Cray I just want to say fish fish

They're like what? Cray fish crayfish Don't forget it so here's the headline for this crazy story you're ready tuna plant charged after worker cooked to death holy god felony charges have been filed after the horrific death of a worker at a California tuna plant bumblebee foods and two of its employees have been charged

with willfully violating safety rules and the death of 62-year-old Jose Molina, who was cooked to death inside an industrial oven at the company's Santa Fe Springs plant. Ugh. I mean, oh, prosecutors say that the workers, unaware Malena was making repairs inside the pressurized steam cooker, loaded 12,000 pounds of tuna into it,

and turned it on. Malena cooked to death and a colleague discovered his charred remains. Oh, my God. Star Kiss wants doughnuts that taste good. Sorry, Charlie. Only good-tasting duna get to be star-kits. Like good-tasting 100% solid white duna delay packed in spring water. Oh, God.

I don't even want to really joke about it, but it's... God, what a way to go. How do the workers not know there's a guy? in the thing cleaning it. How do they know he's not inside the industrial oven making repairs? That's the memo that really needs to get around. Yeah, memo. Jose will be cleaning the oven, the giant oven.

He'll be inside of it with a can of Easy Off. All right? Apparently the oven stinks like fish, so Jose's going to go in and clean it. it out memo to everybody do not turn on giant oven while human being is inside delicious taste but half the calories of tuna in oil holy god sorry charlie i mean and then they mix the guy in with the fish can you imagine if if one of these kids this guy's relatives were out at a family picnic or something

hey maria these uh these tuna sandwiches taste delicious Is it just me or I don't know, it's called me crazy, but it tastes like, did you put some Jose in here, man? I think I can taste, it's, it tastes a lot like Jose. And by the way, has anyone seen Jose? I haven't seen the guy in a couple of weeks, but these sandwiches, man, it's like some kind of, uh, albacore tuna meets Jose kind of texture mix. Are you thinking cooking glasses or something Maria because... Oh, wait a minute. Something in my teahoid.

This Jose's wedding ring, man. What the hell? But Charlie Starkest don't want tunis with good taste. Starkis wants tunis that taste good. Hey, sorry, Charlie. Only good-tasting tuna get to be starkest. Good-tasting 100% tuna fillet. Oh, boy.

So, you know, I'm just glad this guy's name wasn't Charlie. Okay, lucky it was Jose and not Charlie. I mean, that just would have been too ironic had his name been Charlie. Yikes. So anyways, the company, the bumblebee tuna guys, who described the death as an accident, these guys would be fined up to $1.5 million. And the director of safety at the factory could get three years in prison. The district attorney said in this statement,

our goal is to enhance the criminal prosecution of workplace safety violations. And Bumblebee Tuna says it's disappointed by the charges. Okay. I wonder if Jose is disappointed in his mulched-up tuna salad sandwich body. I mean, good Lord. I mean, so much for sending that guy to the crematorium, it's already been done. I mean, all you really need to do is throw some relish and mayonnaise into the thing. And, you know, if the guy's got to go, at least, you know,

at least make him into some tuna salad or something. Use him up. Don't let it just be a waste. I mean, he's in there. Will people really know the difference? Oh, I know. Believe me, I could taste it right away. that's Jose man for sure he's delicious where'd you get this is this Jeffrey

dalbert tuna or what so tragic story um but uh had to open with that because you know you think about the ways you're going to die in life and being cooked alive in a tuna factory ain't usually on anybody's list um and i mentioned uh kind of to move on from this story, I mentioned, you know, wouldn't it be ironic if the guy's name was Charlie. Hey, sorry, Charlie. For those of you that don't know that clip, that's a famous commercial campaign that ran in like the 60, 70s and 80s,

very successfully, a cartoon tuna named Charlie. And he was always, for some reason, he was a moron fish. He was always trying to get caught because, I guess StarCub. his tuna tastes so good, he would have been very proud to give up his life to be a star kiss tuna in somebody's tuna salad sandwich. Kind of a mental case, but they build a very successful campaign, and the thing was, you know, we want tuna that tastes good, not tuna with good taste. So they're always rejecting Charlie. This guy was pretty much throwing himself on fish hooks and jumping into boats and they just kept throwing them back.

So I don't know if poor Charlie had mercury cancer or some kind of like pollutants in his system or poison or he was, who knows? I mean, how bad of a tuna do you have to be to get rejected by a greedy corporate, you know, fishing company that manufactures tuna? Since when do they ever throw anything back? These guys dragged 10-mile-long fishing nets and suck in everything in the ocean. Turtles, whales, sharks, and just dolphins,

just kill them to get at the tuna. I find it hard to believe that Charlie's getting rejected by these corporate, greedy, ocean-destroying freaks. There you go. But anyways, it made me think of irony. and sometimes you get irony wrong, you know, you're like, what is irony? What is the term irony mean? And maybe this is a point where it should be looked up right now.

So let's see, according to the dictionary, irony, the expression of one's meaning by using language that normally signifies the opposite, typically for humorous or empathetic effect. a state of affairs or an event that seems deliberately contrary to what one expects and is often amusing as a result. Okay, so I guess that kind of applies to Charlie, the tuna. But here's something that happened to me recently that I thought was kind of funny and ironic. I was going through an airport, and I stopped in one of these little newsstands

where they sell chips and pop and magazines and books. And I grabbed a bag of chips and I was waiting in line. The lady in front of me was buying a book. And she paid for the book and she took off. And I'm standing there. And the lady on the counter the cashier is like, oh, the lady, she left without a book. And I picked up her book and it was Gone Girl. The book that they just recently made into a movie with Ben Affleck, and I go, well, that's fitting.

The book's called Gone Girl, and The Girl Be Gone. And we all had a laugh about it because it was, you know, I guess that's irony right there. And then, of course, the lady eventually came running back, and Gone Girl was Return Girl. And then Girl Be Gone Again, so she was gone. Gone girl, return girl, gone girl, I guess. So that was kind of fun. I wonder if anything ironic has ever happened to you that was just so bang over the head. If you want to share a story or tell me of something that was ironic or unusual that made you laugh or was just way out there,

You can share that with us. 3-2-3-739-4-3-3-0. I like to hear those stories. Isn't that funny, though, that this lady buys a book called Gone Girl, takes off, leaves the book. She's basically a gone girl, and she comes back for the book.

Small but humorous. So if you have any ironic, irony-laced events that you want to share with the listeners here, 323-739-4-330 here on the Harlan hotline. And is it ironic that, you know, Bruce Jenner is in the news? And, you know, he did the Diane Sawyer interview, and he's changing his gender. He's going from a man to a woman.

And I thought, is it ironic that his last name is Jenner? Bruce Jenner, if you say it. Gender, Bruce Jenner, Bruce Jenner, gender, gender, gender, gender, Bruce Gender. Bruce Gender. Bruce, is it Bruce Jenner or Bruce Gender? I think it's Bruce Gender.

But is it ironic that, you know, his name couldn't be any closer to sounding like the word gender? I mean, you know, it's very, very close. The way you pronounce it, the way you spell it's different, but the way it said, Bruce Jenner. Bruce gender, Bruce Jenner, Bruce gender. Try saying it. They're very, very close. Is it ironic? Is that irony? Maybe I don't know.

But is that ironic that his name is so close to something that he ended up having a big part of his, being a big part of his life? And speaking of that, okay, Roger, is this happening? Okay, so we're going to cut away from what we're doing now because apparently Bruce Jenner, Jenner is we got, this is an amazing scoop because Diane Sawyer did this huge interview with Bruce Jender. And it looks like we have him calling in. Somehow we got him to call in. I don't know how. I'm not even going to ask. I think this is great.

I think he's, Roger's signaling that he's on the line, I think. Okay, we're good, Roger? Yeah. Okay, Roger's signaling that we made the connection. So let's sit back. Let's see what Bruce Gender has to say in his own words. Yeah, put them through. Okay, I can wait for a second.

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Don't throw your back out. This is a true story. It happened right here in my town. One night, 17 kids woke up, got out of bed, walked into the dark, and they never came back. I'm the director of Barbarian. A lot of people done. in a lot of weird ways We're not going to find it in the news

because the police covered everything all up On August days This is where the story really starts Weapons Okay well this is This is going to be interesting I've got Bruce Jenner on the line And let's patch him in from Malibu, California

This is going to be quite fascinating I'm sure. Hello, Mr. Jenner, are you there? Hello, Harlan. Hello, sir. Well, let's not throw titles around. I'm sorry, what? Well, you know, you say, sir, and, you know, it just maybe sends the wrong signal. Oh, I got it, I got it.

Why don't we just... Just call me Bruce for now. Okay, Bruce. Um, so, so this is, uh, where do I begin, uh, Bruce? Harland, I just said, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm just so used to saying your name. Um, I, I do apologize. That's okay.

This is, this is a big adjustment for me. It's a big adjustment for my family, and it's a big adjustment for everybody. And this is an emotional time for me, but this is something that's been, uh, let's just say long overdue. I understand. It's got to be an emotional decision, obviously, as you said. It's, wow. All I can say is wow.

What's that mean? No, I just mean, wow. It's, you know, wow. Okay, you know, that's a bag. That's like saying capoey or smack. What does that mean? Okay, sorry. Um, I didn't, it sounds like you're a little, a little testy this morning.

Well, okay, since we're doing the interview and I'm talking about everything that's going on with me, um, I'm PMSing. I beg your pardon? I'm, I'm PMSing. I'm in the middle of PMSing. I had my period. It started two days ago. Heavy, heavy flow. Um, what? What do you mean? Okay. Did you not go to school? Okay, I'm PMSing.

I have my first period. I'm a little confused. Okay, you did call me to ask me about changing from being a man to a woman. Is that what we're talking about here, or did you think you were calling someone else? Okay. It sounds like you're getting a little heated up here. Of course, we're here to talk about. about your transformation.

Okay, so I was a man, and then I'm a woman. Do we have a problem? Not at all, but I'm a bit confused that you said... I'm having my period? Yes. Okay. I'm a woman, okay? I made the transformation.

I'm in the middle of the transformation. Did you not? know that women get their period once a month uh well i do but but but you're you're still go ahead say it i'm still what um you i don't think you can have your period okay so what is this wow so i'm doing an interview i let you call me up so i could be insulted no it's just that physically i i didn't know I mean, even if you become a full woman, and I know you're in the transformation stage right now, I don't believe you can have a period of, have a menstrual cycle. Oh, oh, so you're a doctor. Is that what this is?

No, I'm not a doctor, Bruce. Okay, you know, that's strike three, okay? My name's not Bruce. In fact, I'm changing my name. I did not know this. Yes, I'm changing my name to a woman's name. Oh, okay. I've always, I'm getting emotional. I've always loved and found very poetic.

The names of young African-American girls. Okay. And I think since I'm going down this road, since I'm going on this very personal journey, I might as well make it complete. Excuse me for one second. Take a breath. That's what I'm doing. Okay.

You know, I understand you're having your period. Oh, really? I'm having my period. So now you're getting in a hot time because I'm on the rag? Are you telling me you have a tampon inserted? And I don't know what name to say. Of course I have a, I'm on my period. Okay, do you not understand human biology?

Well, I thought I did, but now I'm a little thrown off because I don't know if physically you can have my period. I'm telling you, I'm bleeding, I've got PMS. Can we screw that into your fucking melon-sized head? Whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay, Bruce, you need to take your PMS and settle down. There it is again. Bruce.

Look, if I'm going to do this, if I'm going to go through all these changes, I'm going to need people to stop calling me, Bruce, okay? Well, what is your new name? You mentioned an African-American. My new name, I wasn't going to tell it. I didn't tell Diane Sawyer, and I wasn't going to tell you, but here it is. Shen Chihuahuaana, Shantua.

Jenner. Shan, what? Shan, what? Shana. Monica Winchalka. Oh, boy. Oh, so now we've got problem number two here, do we? Listen, can I just call you Bruce for the remainder of this interview?

Because I'm just... Wow, amateur hour. Excuse me. You know, if you feel more comfortable calling me, Bruce, then call me Bruce. But you might be the last one to do it. Oh, God, I think I'm dripping. Oh, my, oh, my God. I don't think you can, you can drip.

Now, I've been hearing some odd stories that something about you putting eggs in the freezer. So, that's right. I put my eggs in the freezer in case I ever want to have a child. Well, wait, wait a minute, you don't have eggs. Oh, oh, okay, so you're going to tell me what I have and don't have. Is that how this goes? Is this part of the war on women? Is that what's happening here?

No, there's no war on women, but how can you physically, biologically put your eggs in freezing? Because I went to the store, and I bought a dozen eggs, and I put them in the freezer. Duh. Are you telling me you put... What? I have to practice putting eggs in the freezer, so I went to the store. And I don't know why how you found out about that. ridiculous well the boy oh boy this is just getting stranger and stranger why

you're saying you want to have kids yes I want to have kids I'm a woman this is really you know this is like the war on women happening to me okay the war on women is happening to me. Everywhere I go, everywhere I do, everyone wants to pick me apart. Why can't I be a woman and have my period and freeze my eggs? Well, nobody's having a war on women. Oh, really? How come when I went into the restroom? Okay, the other day, I'm out shopping at the mall, I'm picking out some new shoes and a dress. I go into the women's restroom, and I'm standing there, taking a piss and all the women start screaming at me and

treating me like I'm a witch or something. Wait a minute. You went into the women's washroom? Ah, hello. I'm a woman. I mean, Bruce, if you can stop huffing, it's really annoying.

Oh, so now, oh, okay, the war on women continues. You went into the women's washroom, and you were standing there as you said taking a piss i stood and took a piss okay it's a habit i'm going to hopefully i'd break it too i also took a minnesota steamer and has anyone got a problem with that a what a minnesota steamer what is a minnesota steamer okay uh you know would you know would you you stop the huffing.

A Minnesota, you know, you're a man, right? I'm guessing you're a man. Yes, I'm a man. Okay, a man takes a bowel movement much differently than a woman, okay? A woman sits down and probably pills out little round pellets like a rabbit or a reindeer like Bambi.

Little round pellets like the kind you buy at the movie theater snack shop. Oh, God. But a man, okay, a man, M-A-N, hello. When a man sits down, He takes a real hardy dump, okay? A Minnesota steamer, a Rocky Mountain Field Mouse, whatever you want to call it.

A Rocky Mountain Field Mouse. Whatever you want to call it. I don't know what you call it in your house, but it's a man's dump. And I'm sorry, but I'm in the middle of something here, and I just don't have the women's bathroom etiquette yet to sit down and take a man's dump. to sit down and take a pee and to trim my bowel movement so that they're petite and they're dainty.

I still do a solid Minnesota screamer or a Bronx bomber or whatever you want to call it. Some call it the subway straight to hell, and sometimes that's what it sounds like. Oh, my God. Well, if you're not completely through the window, as you said, uh, shunschwaka,

shuika waka. I'm sorry if I'm butchering the name, but it's a long name. Getting more of the war on women. If you're not ready to use the women's bathroom, don't you think it's more appropriate to go into the men's bathroom? Oh, gross. What am I? A truck driver? What do I drive a cement mix every morning and pour cement? I'm a woman.

God. You know, this war on women is just really, I never knew. how impactful it was until it started hitting me right between the tits. Okay. Listen, where do we go from here? Because I feel like that this interview is very antagonistic. You're clearly having your period. And is there any good news here?

Well, thank you for finally getting to it 30 minutes into the interview. Well, wait a minute. Oh, wait a minute. More the war on women. Would you stop with the war on women? Is there anything good coming out of this transformation? Well, I'm back in touch with the people at Wheaties. Oh, okay.

The Wheaties, the cereal, you had that iconic photo on the cover of the Wheaties box back in the 70s when you won the Olympics. Yes, I think everybody knows that. Okay, well, just in case. people weren't aware. Oh, like, nobody knows about my Wheaties box. So you're going back on the cover of Wheaties. As, I mean, what's the picture going to be? Do you remember that movie, the sound of music?

That movie, The Sound of Music? Yes, with the kids and the nanny, Julia Andrews. That's right. Julia Andrews. And there's a scene in the movie where it's a beautiful shot. Oh, my God. I'm getting emotional. Oh, some of my hormones just went up in my...

There's a beautiful shot where Julie Andrews, she comes swirling up the side of a Swiss mountain top. There's a field full of poppy flowers and daisies, and Julie Andrews comes swirling around her, dresses flowing out, and she's singing. She's singing, The hills are alive. with the sound of music. Okay, okay. And it's such a sweeping, beautiful shot.

It cries of femininity. It cries of female beauty, and that's what I want on the cover of the Wheaties box. Wait a minute. You're going to go on the cover of the Wheaties box, swirling in a dress on a Swiss mountaintop surrounded by flowers and butterflies. Oh, if we got a problem now

Is someone being sexist You know, this war on women Would you stop with the war on women I'm just asking questions Are you yelling at me Because if you want to get into a bitch slap fight You know, I used to be an Olympian And I'll put you through a fucking wall

Sideways, okay? I'll put you so far through a fucking wall You'll end up at the cement That made the fucking cement To make the fucking wall wise guy Wow You know, you are really aggressive. Oh, right.

Pick my hairy twat lips. Oh, come on. Oh, what, you can't? You're going to treat me like a woman that I'm going to act like a woman. You know, it's stretch my twat lips and let them flap back like roller coaster track, right in my face. Come on, that's, now you, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute, what?

The hills are alive with the sound of music. Can you stop singing that? I'm not, just because you're turning into a woman doesn't mean you have the vocal range of a woman. Oh, look at you, sexist right to the bone. Why don't you suck a ham sandwich and blow it out your garlic bread teeth? Okay, you know what?

I think we got end here. I'm kind of upset that we caught you on the day when you're having your period. Hey, let's talk about your expense report. I didn't submit an expense report. You will. Customs saddles and dog training services are not within policy. What are you talking about? SAP Concur uses advanced AI to audit and automatically detect out of policy expenses.

It's the breakthrough I needed to focus more on our future. These are my future expenses? Yes, and self-defense classes are out of policy. I'll need self-defense classes? You will. For what? It's a big dog. SAP Concur helps your business move forward faster.

Learn more at Concur.com. And you just seem very cranky, Shenzhwana, Shwanika, Shonchinkta. Oh, Christ. Why did I even agree to talk to you? Well, I think we're done here. No, we're not done. Why? Do you have something else you want to say?

Yes, as a matter of fact, I do. Okay. That kills I'm alive with the sound of you. Excuse me, I'm singing. Well, I don't want you to. Fuck off. Now watch your language. Oh, God, I'm hanging up.

You're not hanging up on me. Yes, I am. Hello? No. Roger, stop playing the music. Turn the music off, Roger. Oh, my God. Oh, my God, I'm bleeding.

Oh, my God, I've got to go. Good. Oh, oh. Oh, it's such a heavy day. Oh, God. Hang up. Turn off the music. Roger.

Would you turn it off? Turn off that music. God. God. That was the weirdest freaking interview. I've ever done. Bruce Jenner. Crazy.

All I can say is good luck to him or her, whoever he or she is. And I'm going to leave it right there. Let's make this interview a memory. God. Okay. I'm going to ask you for the last time to turn it off.

You're just doing it to infuriate. Turn it off. Turn it off. God, what is wrong with you? Sorry. Not really. Hello? Hello?

Hey, Harlan. Love you the most to say the least. Anyway, you said if you don't ask, well, actually I think you said you have to ask. where you won't get anywhere in life or something, whatever it was, your last podcast. You have to ask no matter what it is. So, well, I'm not sure how to say this. All right.

Could you please not play any more Canadian music? I think most of us listen to you because you're the funniest person. The funniest podcast are out there. That goes without saying. and five minutes of a horrible, horrible, horrible Canadian music is just too long and too boring. I just fast forward to it, and I'm sure most Americans do as well. You know, if the bands are any good, they would be big here.

And, you know, I never know who you're talking about. I never heard of these bands. And I'm sure it means something to you growing up listening to them. You know, just way me listening to 50s and 60s and 70s mean something to me. But I think most Americans just don't want to hear Canadian music. So please don't play that anymore. Maybe switch to playing clips from a movie or something. uh you know like an old movie you grew up watching but please make it american not canadian um i don't know

i'm sorry that i have to come down on you this far but oh it's just horrible please don't play it anymore i love you the most say the least wow americans don't like canadian music um Does the word Alanis Morissette ring a bell? Does Brian Adams ring a bell? Does Rush ring a bell? Do the bare naked ladies ring a bell? Does Michael Boubley ring a bell? Does lover boy ring a bell?

Does Sarah McLaughlin ring a bell? Does Avril Levine ring a bell? Does Celine Dion ring a bell? Do I need to keep going? good lord man now just because you don't like it doesn't mean other people don't like it i had other people and for those of you that are confused every now and then i drop in some canadian music that's kind of obscure that i feel like maybe you guys weren't privy to down here in the united states it's stuff i grew up on stuff that i have my ear to the ground to

because it's Canadian. Same way you probably don't know the hit songs in Brazil or Portugal or Spain or Australia. So I thought, you know, good music is good music. I will, from time to time, drop in some stuff that I think is good and you can love it or hate it, but to say that Americans don't like Canadian music,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. And there's many more examples of, Canadian musicians I could pull out, but I'm going to leave it there. I've made my point, but I think I'm really going to make my point by playing one more Canadian song that is very, very Canadian. If you want to get a taste of the Canadian lingo and, you know, down, down in the state, you call them rednecks, up in Canada, you call them hosers. And this next song I'm going to play, it's kind of in.

indicative of how your typical Canadian hoser, your farmer, your guy who works at the factory, your guy down at the shop, these types of guys, hey, the fishermen, the farmers, the lumberjacks, these types of fellas, eh, who are Canadian. And every now and then there, they like to get in their truck and take her out for a rip, eh, bud? That's what they call it, when they jump in their pickup truck and they go rolling around in the feet, and through the mud. They're taking their buddies for a rip there, and buy. So, I'm going to play you a Canadian song,

and I hope you like it, you might not. But this kind of encapsulates the Canadian vibe. If you grew up and you're just kind of a good old Canadian boy, into your hockey and into your fighting and you're smoking and driving around in your truck, I think you're going to like it Hear it out It's kind of funny

But it's kind of very typical Just for you One more Canadian song That you never would have heard down here Unless I played it Here I go I'm putting it on I'm taking her for a rip there bud

Fucking right I'm from the great white north right Like up above the states The big land mass That the rest of the world hates Fuck yeah. We're like above that. Fucking north, I guess. The big patch of trees where everybody's bored to death.

We're just chilling up here. Sipping syrup. Playing hockey. Before we learn to walk, we can cross-check properly. Just rocking flat jackets. Chainsaws, we operate them right. We do, bud. We caught our weight with firewood.

Every 20 minutes or so, smoke break. And if the Leafs make the playoff, I'll fucking jump in the lake. Fucking buddy comes over to my place the other night. He's like, like, make a roll for a rip. And I was like, fucking right. So we hop in the truck and hit the mud, and I was like, oh, fuck yeah, bud.

Just still for a rip are you, butt? Just still for rep. Just still for rip are you, but? Just still for rip. Just still for rip, are you butt? Just still for rep. Just still for rip, are you butt? Just still for rep.

I come from the land of the flight. Where shit's covered in ice, and when I'm down in the States, they're like, you're too fucking nice. Like, yeah, we got matters, but fucking buddy still fight and fucking swear and fucking drink all night. Like this one time, me and fucking buddy are out having a dart, and fucking buddy burns a hole of my coat. And I was like, fuck, bud, because the coat was pretty new, right? And he's like, fuck you! So I put his head in the snowbank. And just started fucking feeding him the right lap, like fucking boom, boom, boom, yuck and he's like, okay, okay, fuck.

And he's like, okay, fuck, fuck. Chill out shit So I pulled them under the snow And we went out for a rip Yeah Just out for a rip Are you buck yeah Just out for a rip

Fucking right Just out for rip Are you buck Yeah Just out for a rip Fucking right Just out for Are you butt

Yeah Just out for A fucking right Just out for a rip Are you fuck Yeah Just out for a Fucking right

Oh yeah Fucking right Hey, out for a fucking rip, eh, fucking rights by. So there you go, man. You've got to be careful when you start talking to me about Canadian stuff because I'm obviously very sensitive about it. I mean, I'm Canadian. I've got to stand up for myself.

I mean, I'm American, too. I would stand up for America, too, but I was born in Canada. I'm a Canadian citizen. I'm American citizen. stand up for both of them. If somebody gives America a hard time, I stand up for America too. So there you go. How about that? Take her out for a rip, will you, bud? Fucking right. Oh, fuck yeah. So there you go, man. That's a little Canadian flavoring for you. If you want to watch this video, it's a great video, man. I mean, some of the terminology in there you might not

get. When someone asked for a dart, they're asking for a cigarette and talking about the Leafs winning. They're talking about the Toronto Maple Leafs, winning the Stanley Cup. They're talking about cross-checking, which is a hockey term, when you cross-check someone with your hockey stick, on and on. But if you type into YouTube, take her for a rip-bud, you can actually watch these Canadian hosers rolling around in their pickup truck, and there's a little rock. video, and it's actually a lot of fun. So I hope you got a kick out of it. We're going to end the show right there with a little more Canadian music, much to some people's chagrin.

Oh, so let's do some announcements and take this show out for a rip. Chainsawls, we operate a right. We do, bud. All right, uh, let's start with some stand-up comedy, man. Let's see, May 7th, May 7th, ladies and gentlemen, which is tonight, which is today, hello, fucking he writes. I'm in Buffalo. I'm in Buffalo, New York, my first time ever doing stand-up in this fair city, and I'm over at the Helium Comedy Club in Buffalo here. So get your tickets tonight.

I'm here through Sunday. I'm here May 7, 8, 9, and 10. So move it. Come on down and fucking take this comedy out for a rip. Then later in the month, May 21st to the 24th, I'm down in San Diego, California. Great club down there, the American Comedy Co. In San Diego, awesome time.

Come on down for that. And then we move into June. June 11th through the 14th, I'm at the improv in Ontario, California, not Ontario, Canada, Ontario, California, just outside of L.A. Great club. Last time I was there, I think we sold out every damn show. Just packed it. It was a phenomenal. So come on out to that. And then the following week, I'm off to Houston.

Houston, Texas. I love that. That's where I shot the movie Rocket Man. I'll have a little Texas in my heart. And it's at the improv, June 18th to the 21st. So we will see you there. And it'll be fun. And then in July, moving into July, I know I'm getting ahead of myself,

but I'm excited I'll be in New York at Levity Live. And it's not straight in Manhattan, but it's in a smaller city just outside. of Manhattan. I think it's called New Jack or something. Nyjack, New York. But go to my website, harlomwilums.com. All the details

are that for my stand-up dates. That'll be July 9th through the 12th. And then, you know, we'll hopefully see you at these events. It's going to be a good, good time. Check out the web store. Lots of gifts,

T-shirts, fun T-shirt. Um, holy smokes, uh, music, books, um, art, all kinds of stuff. Just get to the store and find something you like and we'll ship it out to you. Um, also if you want to write me, you can write me at harlandwiliams.com. There is a, uh, contact page on the website. Just shoot me a letter. Or if you want to call me and leave a message and complain about, Canadian music 323739 4330 3230 3230 3230 that number is on the website as well Harlem williams.com also be sure to click on the YouTube subscription button and any time I put up a wacky video it will come to you and I've been putting a lot of them up lately so don't miss out

and that's it man that is it you can also hear my podcast on all things comedy which is a podcast network with lots of other funny comedians on there so please check that out and that's it we are out of here

thanks for being here tell your friends to get on the Harland Highway and well I'll jump in my go down the highway and take her for a rip there bud so we hop in the truck and hit the mud and I was like oh fuck yeah bud just still for a rip are you butt just still for a rip are you butt just still for a rip are you butt just still for a Thank you.