The Harland Highway - 686 - Gay Marriage legalized, confusing meals.

Episode Date: July 2, 2015

A discussion about the legalization of gay marriage and what's next. When should you eat dinner? Pavement pounder praise. Gay I say!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Sweet blowing tumbleweed grease. Huh? I don't know what that means. Welcome to the Harland Highway. Today we're going to be talking about kind of an odd thing that I did. I did something really goofy at breakfast that I'm a bit concerned about because I don't think I've ever done it before. I'm going to talk about that kind of towards the end of the show. So that should be interesting.

Also, going to be talking about the future of the Harlan Highway. We have an interesting new wrinkle in the podcast, something that I think will be really cool and something you guys will dig. I'll elaborate more as we get into the podcast here. It's a little new piece of technology that will give you some fun stuff. So let's talk about it then. And also, as you know, they legalized gay marriage in the United States. We have a gentleman who's part of a gay rights, gay activist group up in Seattle, Washington,

a guy named Bernie Sassoon. And he's going to be calling in and talking about not only the legalization of gay marriage, but he also, I guess, has a proposal to expand on the gay community becoming integrated into society. So let's get gone. It's the Harland Highway. Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to introduce. The Harland Highway. I promise you, I will please you all.

Believe me. What is he life? What's he going to? Anyway. Oh, he's an angel. He's an angel. He's an angel struck from nothing. You're going to need a bigger pose.

You're listening to Harlan Williams. Why don't you give me a name and a face and a reason why? Your man, what do you expect to go? It's over, Johnny. It's over. Nothing is over! You just don't turn it off. You just made a wrong turn.

On to the Harland Highway. Weird. It's just plain weird. You know what I mean? I'm still alive. I'll tell you what I won't give you, you muckers. I won't give you the satisfaction of saying that I'm sorry. Welcome to the Harland Highway.

Oh, you get your money for it. Believe me. Hello? Hello? Hey, Harlan. This is Richard from California, the great state. Just saying, man, on a serious note, that you never need to apologize

for getting to show up a day later. So, trust me, as a favorite Pounder here and a bunch of others out there, we appreciate everything you do, man. 600 plus going up to be 700 and soon I would believe and you know that's that's that's that's wonderful man just want to tell you plus your periscopes have been awesome when you've been loading them up or being live your stand-up shows are very very well done so yeah man don't ever apologize uh it's it's like it said it's a blessing dude uh what you do so uh keep up keep it up man

Keep loving it. That's the important thing. We all have love for you over here. And check your chalmaine, brother. Can't wait to see you again live. Later. Wow. Wow, wow, wow.

Richard, thank you so much. What a wonderful, wonderful phone message. Boy, oh, boy, warms my heart. Such a kind and loving message from Richard. I do appreciate that. Thank you so very much. as I was saying a couple of my podcasts were a little bit late the last couple of weeks just because I've been flying around doing some tours and busy with some summertime activities

and so I kind of got on the blower here and said hey gang I'm sorry for being a little light and then Richard hit me up with that really nice message where he's like hey man don't don't stress dude you know it's cool man we we love love what you do. Just, you know, don't worry about being late. And so I appreciate that. I try not to be late. I think in the history of the podcast,

I've maybe been late half a dozen times or so. And at one point, I was doing three shows a week. So, and I do it just because of my commitment to the show. And I want you guys, you know, I know what it's like when you have something you listen to a favorite show or even if it's not your favorite, it's just something you're used to, you're in a pattern.

And I always find it annoying when I go to listen to something or go to watch a TV show that's supposed to be on when they say it's going to be on and it's not. So I try to be as consistent as I can, and I guess you're right, Richard,

after almost 700 episodes to only be kind of missing maybe half a dozen that have been late or what have you, that's, that's not bad. That's not bad. So thank you for that wonderful, wonderful voicemail. What a great way to kick off the show. And I want to give you guys a little heads up with regards to the podcast.

So after almost 700 episodes, obviously that's a lot of episodes. And as I've told you, I just do it for the love of it. I've probably made three or four hundred dollars off this podcast since I started it. And I've got more episodes than most people. And a lot of guys are making a lot of money off it. But that wasn't my motivation when I did it. But, you know, as time goes on and my schedule gets busier and I kind of have my expenses add up, this is what I'm giving you a heads up on.

coming soon i'm going to have an app a harland highway app we're working on it right now and um what it's going to be is you're not going to be charged for the harland highway uh you're going to be able to keep listening for free but because we have such a deep backlog of shows almost 700 and growing we are going to make it so that the you know the first 50 shows and every new show that comes out is completely free but if you're going to make it so that the you know the first 50 shows and every new show that comes out is completely free but if people want to like dig deeper and get the back catalog um we're gonna we're going to place a very small fee on that just to help cover some of my costs which i think is fair you know there there's shows you've already heard uh you're not being charged for the fresh shows

right out of the gate it's just the backlog if you ever wanted to dig deep into it and it it uh it helps the podcast here out a bit cover some of our overhead, which we've had for like six years now, maybe going on seven maybe. Good Lord. But that being said, if you do join our app, our subscription service, there are going to be a lot of bonus things on there that are going to be, you know, extra things I do on the side. I won't elaborate on them just yet. But, um, Um, even if you are getting the current broadcast, um, we are going to be adding stuff on to that site that you won't be able to get anywhere else. Uh, so for a small fee, you will, uh, you will, uh, you will be part of that exclusive club. And this isn't a unique thing to me. I think a lot

of podcasters have been doing this or are, are doing it. And, uh, you know, I guess everybody tries to make a buck in this world. But like I said, I, I enjoy the fact that there's no cost to anybody when it comes to listening to the brand new episodes. I feel like to me that's kind of from my heart and I'm putting it out to the world and it's like not everything should be monetized. Not everything should be done for a profit. So as I said, this will be a thing that just kind of deals with the backlog of episodes and some extra bonus stuff that we're going to be creating. for the app. And I think it's going to be dirt cheap anyways. I think it's going to be like, I don't know, 10 or 20 bucks a year or something. We haven't got it all figured out yet. But I just wanted to give

you a heads up. It's coming. We might throw it up around the 700th episode mark. But I'll keep you posted. So there you go. Again, thank you for your wonderful letter and or your phone call, I should say. and we will just keep the Harlan Highway moving, baby. As you know, it was a big day in the United States of America. Just the other day, the Supreme Court announced that gay marriage was now legal across the country, that homosexual couples could now get married in all 50 states. there's a lot of rejoicing in the streets that the White House was lit up like a rainbow

people were excited and especially the gay and lesbian community of course must be very jubilant over this announcement and so we thought we would we would have a gentleman named Bernie Sassoon from a, he's from a gay and lesbian organization, an advocacy group for gay and lesbians up in Seattle, Washington.

And he is on the phone to tell us about a proposal to, now that the door is open for gay marriage, to kind of spread the message even further. Roger, put them through Bernie Sassoon. Are you there, sir? Hey, everybody. Who wants to have better sex? No? Yes? Yes. The answer is yes. You always want to have better sex. That's what you want it to be better, not worse. Trust me. And Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item plus free shipping. And more than that, Adam and Eve wants to make your life easy. They offer discrete shipping as your privacy is a priority. Plus 100% free shipping on your entire order. Doesn't matter how much you spend or what you buy, I will be packaged and sent discreetly for free and fast. Don't wait, Better Sex is just a click away that's 50% off, one item, and free shipping.

Bring more pleasure and satisfaction into your bedroom. Just go to Adam and Eve.com and select any one item. It could be an adventurous new toy or anything you desire. Just enter the offer code Harland to check out. That's Harland, H-A-R-L-A-N-D at Adam and Eve.com. This is an exclusive offer specific to this podcast. So be sure to use this code Harland so you get your discount and 100% free shipping code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. Hello? Yes, sir. Bernie.

Yes, hi. This is Bernie. Bernie Sassoon, you're calling from Seattle, Washington? Yes, I am. Oh, my God. So excited. If my voice sounds a little parked, we've been celebrating, we've been screaming, we've been dancing in the streets. It's just been euphoric. Well, congratulations.

I can only imagine what a liberating time in, you know, gay and lesbian history this is, if you will. Absolutely, Mr. Williams. Oh, my God, which is so, we're just so, I think you nailed it with that word, liberated. And, you know, just the fact that we have the same rights as everyone else now, if we want to be with someone in marital bliss or marital hell, as a lot of people say. Yes, that is a, you know, there is that argument that is marriage bliss or is it how? Well, we're going to find out, aren't we, Mr. Williams? Yes, you are, Mr. Sassoon.

So tell us about, we got from the memos that you wanted to kind of expand on this kind of joyous occasion. Well, we think marriage, and when I say we, I mean, we have the gamelistic community. We feel that marriage is just the beginning of the iceberg. And, you know, it's obvious that the country and the world in general is opening up more and more to the gay and lesbian experience. I mean, it used to be so taboo. You couldn't say it. You couldn't talk about it. You know, people were really hiding in the shadows.

And it was hurtful. It was, I don't know, it was suppressive, if you will. It was so discriminatory that it hurt. It hurt right down into the bottom of my room. ribcage, Mr. Williams. Well, you know, I can imagine it's got to be hard, you know, trying to suppress who you are as a human being, especially when society's trying to suppress who you are as a human being. Bingo. B-I-N-T-O, Mr. Williams.

You just won yourself a great big hog. Well, okay. What is this? Excuse me. Oh, bless you. Do you have a call? No, I just had a little something in my throat. I've been there, Mr. Williams.

Pardon me? I've had a little something in my throat, and sometimes it's not even so little. Okay, sir, if we could stick to your... Absolutely, I'm sorry, I get carried away. In the lesbian and gay community, we joke around a lot. We're very, you know, we have very sexual humor, and we're not afraid to use it, and I realize maybe it's not everybody's cup of tea. Well, it's just maybe a little harder to get used to,

for us in the straight community. I've got it. 100% my bad. Well, what is this expansion of the gay experience? Well, here's what it is. It's a new thing that I've put together.

I've put up a website. I put up some Facebook pages. It's called Gay for a Day. Gay for a Day. I'm not sure what that means, sir. Well, you know, a lot of people are afraid. They're still taboo. Even though gay marriage will now be permitted

across the country, there's still people that are petrified and nervous and afraid of the homosexual experience. Okay, and so... So we're proposing that people go gay for a day. I'm not sure what that means. It's just what it sounds like, Mr. Williams. You go gay for a day. Be gay.

Give it a try. Test it out. Who knows? Maybe you'll like it better than the situation you're in right now. I can you do that though? Can you go gay for a day? Well, you'll never know what you try, Mr. William. Okay, well, how do you go gay for a day? Well, if you're a man, and I'm a man, so I'm going to talk from the man's perspective.

You know, all these things I'm going to say apply to the lesbian community. But since I'm a man, I'll keep a focus on my gender, okay? Sure, it's your proposal. all. Well, to be gay for a day, you know, you wake up in the morning, you go about your daily routine, but when you get out into the world, try something different. What do you mean? Well, if you're at the office, you're in a subway, whatever you may be, and if you're a straight man and you see another man who you presume is probably straight, grab him. You know, just cup his Botox. If you're standing in the subway, cap his buttocks. Maybe reach deeper between his legs,

give his testicles a little squeeze. Well, wait a minute, sir. Maybe step your hand right down the front of his pants and go, honk, good morning. How are you? Honk, I'm gay for a day. Don't mind my hand. Honk, honk, good morning. Well, wait, no, hang on. That sounds like it's borderline assault. Well, it's not if the government and community leaders, if they implement gay for a day and they make it kind of an official thing or a holiday or an official day, kind of like Flag Day or Arbor Day or Labor Day, this type of thing, we have Gay for a Day Day Day Day. Gay for a Day Day day day. And then if you're on the subway or if you're in a public restroom and a hand reaches underneath the divider and wipes your ass for you or, you're, you know, you know, massages your testicles, or what have you. It's okay.

You can yell underneath the divider. It's okay. It's gay for a day. I'm glad I can help you wipe your ass. Sir, I don't know if wiping someone's ass has anything to do with being gay. I know. I'm just being, look, it's about being open. It's about touching.

It's about not being afraid of connecting with the other sex, or the same sex, I should say. and getting physical. Yeah, I don't know that if I was riding on the subway, I'd like a man to walk up and shove his hand down my pants. Or grab you by the face and maybe put his fingers in your beard and pull your face right onto his and French kiss you. No, see, I don't think I'm ready for that, no. And another thing you can do, you know, if you wanted to take a friend,

you know, maybe you have a straight friend. and he has no intentions of being gay, was never gay, never wanted to be gay. Invite him to Disneyland. Take him to Disneyland, and while you're walking around, just slip your fingers into his and hold his hand. I think that would be a little shocking and disturbing.

It's not about being gay or straight. It's just, if you're not wired to be gay, you're not going to want a gay man touching you physically. Well, that sounds a little. little, you know... Don't go homophobic on me. Well, I think you're raided the border, Mr. Williams.

No, I'm not. Look, I'm a straight man, and if I went to Disneyland with my buddy Larry, and we're walking around, and as we get in front of Magic Mountain, he puts his arm around my waist or shoulder or starts holding my hand,

I'm not comfortable with that. Well, I think you need to open up a little more. You know, maybe you could return the favor and break the ice. What do you mean? Well, maybe you could just shove your hand right down the front of his pants. They go, honk, good morning, honk, honk, good morning, Larry, honk, welcome to Disneyland. Maybe even do a fun Mickey Mouse boy, like, oh, hello, good morning, Larry.

Hong, honk, ha ha, ha, ha, oh boy, that sure feels squishy, Larry. Okay, sir, no. And on top of that, you know, Disneyland is. a family place. You just don't do that. Well, there's other things you can do. It doesn't have to be at Disneyland. For example, let's say you're at Subway.

Okay. Subway sandwiches and it's gay day, day. And you're like, I just finished, you know, my tuna melt. What the hell? You see some guy go into the bathroom, walk in there, walk up behind him, and try some anal sex. What?

Just undo your pants, bend over. and say, hey, I saw you eating your sandwich, it's gay day, have adder. Have adder? Well, you just reach back and pull your buttocks open and show everyone the brown eye. Oh, come on, sir. I think even gay people would be offended by hearing this type of talk. Well, you're never getting to know if you like being gay, if you don't try it. And on gay day, who cares? It's gay day.

Open up your brown eye and let the... world shine in. Oh, you know, this is getting really uncomfortable. It's not uncomfortable once you give it a try. And if you do it slow and you loop, you just slide on in there and it's like, honk, hello, good afternoon. Honk, honk, hello, brown eye. Okay, sir, can you stop with the honk thing?

Is that okay? Well, if you're going to be homophobic, Mr. Williams. I'm not being homophobic. Okay, you're asking the straight community, which, by the way, is 97% of the population, to just on a certain day, on gay day, as you said, pull your pants down and pull your butt cheeks open and let a stranger have adder? Well, you know, you've got to take baby steps before you can run, Mr. Williams. I don't know that this is a good idea. I think the way gay people realize they're gay or emerged to be gay or whatever it is, whether you're born gay,

I think that's working just fine. I think everyone in the gay community would agree. Well, it sounds like you're being a little apprehensive and a little standoffish. And, you know, there's ways you can ease your way in the gay day. You don't have to, if you're finding it a bit traumatic or a bit too. to, you know, shocking to just go for it on gay day. What I propose is maybe you could practice ahead of time. What does that mean?

Well, if you, let's say you have a cob of corn in your house. I have a cob of corn right here. I'm just, hang on, I'm just pulling it out of my fridge. Here we go. I've already sucked it. Okay, you've got a cob of corn. And if you're a little apprehensive to allow a man to have anal sex, why not, you know, try the other thing?

What do you mean the other thing? Um, hello, honk, hello, honk, fellatio, Mr. Williams. Okay, again, with the honk thing. What do you mean fellatio? Well, you know what fellatio is, it's, you know, can I be colorful on your podcast? Yes. You know, suck a dick. Okay, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

You said I could be colorful, and I said it, honks, hello, suck a dick. Okay, sir, what does that happen? to do with a cob of corn. Well, if you're getting ready for Gay Day and you think, you know what, this year I'm going to try it. You know, four or five Gay Days have gone by, and I've just kind of watched them go by, and I haven't experienced it, but this time, I want to try it. I want to suck a deck.

Okay, sir! So, as you lead up to Gay Day, grab a cob of corn, and I'm just going to, I'm sorry if you can't, if I become a little inaudible for a minute, but I'm going to take this cob of corn and I'm just you're gonna stick it down my throat just back and forth Mr. Williams

what are you doing sir? Hold on, I'm sucking the carb of corn, Mr. William. Oh my God. Are you sucking on a cob of corn? Oh, oh, there it is, see, and you just jam it into the back of you.

Maybe I didn't go deep enough. Hang on. Stop it. Get it. Stop it. Oh, good Lord. I almost puked up my Campbell's cream of mushroom soup. So there, you know, there's all kinds of things.

Sir, I'm sorry. I'm not going to sign on to this gay-for-a-day thing. That was borderline pornographic. I think if I was a gay man listening to your proposal, I'd be outraged. Show a little respect and a little decorum for the gay community, gay for a day. It just sounds like some kind of full-on orgy, some kind of, you're making it seem all about sex. Gay people are more than just about having gay sex.

It's gay love and... Oh, Mr. Williams, quit trying to pretend. I mean, good Lord, it's just a cob of corn. Hang on. Stop sucking the cob of corn, Bernie Sassoon. Oh, oh, my God. Stop it. Oh, my goodness.

I'm almost exhausted. But anyways, that's how you can help prepare for gay for a day. You know, sir, I just, I think I'm going to end it here because this really doesn't feel right to me on any level. For gay or straight people, I don't think gay for a day is the right approach. Well, you know, Mr. Williams, if I was... there right now. In order to change your mind, I think I just slide my hand down the front of your pants and give you a great big, friendly honk, honk, hello, honk! Stop with the honking! Well, I don't like people raising their voice at me, Mr. Williams. I'm trying to spread the word.

I'm trying to make this a more accessible world to everybody, okay? And I don't need you. I don't need to be lectured by you, sir. What you are doing does not service the gate community or the straight community what you propose is vile now you can go take your cob of corn and gay for a day and peddle it somewhere else because uh my listeners and myself were not interested oh as if you're not interested in someone sucking on a cob of corn and this is freshly shucked by the way hang up on him roger Hang up! Oh, Mr. Williams, the niblets are on the back of my epiglottis.

Oh, hang up! Wow. I think I'm justified in saying that nobody, no matter what your sexual orientation is, is going to get behind the gay-for-a-day thing. At least not coming out of Bernie Sassoon's mouth. That guy made it sound crazy. creepy and greasy and overly sexualized.

And I will not get behind that proposal. I don't think I know anyone in a sane frame of mind that would. You know, it started off good. You know, we're talking about the celebration, and it spiraled into that, grown man, performing fallacious on a cob of, of golden farmer's corn. Not cool.

Let's move on here, Raj. You're such a fuckass. What? Please. Did you just call me a fuckass? Elizabeth, that's enough. You can go suck a fuck. Oh, please tell me, Elizabeth.

How exactly does one suck a fuck? You want me to tell you? Please tell me. We will not have this at the dinner table. Stop. Okay. So, this is a little. a little bit odd um you ever have one of those days where you're doing your thing you're

going about your business and you have a craving you go you know i know it's like two in the afternoon i know it's three four in the afternoon but i really feel like eating breakfast you know what i'm talking about you have one of those days where you just you want breakfast in the middle of the day or you want breakfast for dinner right you just you just kind of get you You got your mouth watering for the bacon and eggs and the hash browns and the toast. And for whatever reason, it just hits you that you kind of want the wrong meal at the wrong time of the day. But you do it anyways. You find a Denny's or wherever you go or maybe you make it yourself.

And you're like, wow, that was so good. A breakfast at 4 in the afternoon. So we've all done that and it's all fun and good. but you ever go the other way where you just wake up in the morning and you're like, my goodness, I could go for a pork chop. By golly, would I love some beef stroganoff at 7 in the morning? What I wouldn't do for a shepherd's pie for breakfast? That doesn't normally happen, does it?

Well, it happened to me today. I don't know why. This is very strange. Maybe I'm pregnant or maybe I'm going through menopause. I don't know. I freaking woke up and I wasn't up more than 15 minutes and I want, I want some angel hair pasta with some creamy vodka like Alfredo sauce. It was the weirdest thing.

I had the spaghetti sauce in my fridge. I had the angel hair pasta in my, in my pantry. And I was like, God, I just need a hit. I don't forget about toast. I don't want scrambled eggs. You can go take your bacon and throw it off a cliff. The birds are still singing. The sun's coming up, and I want a big bowl of pasta.

and I did it. I don't know what's happening to me. It was very odd. It was peculiar. And I even tried to fight myself on it. I was like, no. Harlan, no. What do you think?

You're just, it's just a flash. Come on, keep going. You go, go. You've got eggs in the fridge. Make some scrambled eggs. Come on. You just woke up. Your head's dizzy.

You got cobwebs. You're not right, Harlan. right. Whoa, Harland. Easy, easy, easy guy. Easy. Wrong. Cut to me. There I go. I'm boiling up the water. I dump in the angel here. I got the, I got the spaghetti sauce all scooped out. I did it. I freaking did it, man. I had my damn dinner at breakfast. Very unusual. I'm a little concerned about myself. I'm a little worried. I think I might need to get checked my uterus or my fallopian tubes or something, whatever I have in there. I just don't understand it. And I don't know if that's just a question of our brains being programmed to have certain things or not have certain things at given times of the day. but I'll be honest.

I don't know if I've ever done that before. It's very, very rare that I would, you know, that I would whip up a dinner-type meal in the AM. It just don't happen, Playa. I don't know if you guys have ever done that or not. If any of you want to share and tell me your morning, are made delights.

I'd be interested to hear. I'm hoping I'm not the only weirdo. And it doesn't count if you're like a radio DJ or you're like a morning, like you're a morning truck driver and you get in, you know, you finish pulling your rig at 5 a.m. And you get into the house at 6 a.m. Those don't count. I'm just talking about people with kind of normal everyday routines,

normal jobs. And you get up and you've had a. consistent pattern of never eating a dinner meal for breakfast. But if you had had that kind of anomaly happened to you, I'd love to hear about it. Just so, again, I always like to hear you guys so I know that I'm not insane. You know? So let me know.

3-2-3-739-43-3-3-3-3-3-9-43-3-3-3-3-3-3. I'll leave it there, something to think about it. And if you do tell me when you did this, I want to hear what it is you made. I want to know if you, I don't think steak and eggs count because that's kind of like a breakfast thing already. But anything else, if you prepared like fried chicken, if you prepared a casserole, if you, you know,

grilled a salmon steak, whatever it is, I want to hear about it. 323-739-43330 you can write me at harlowe Williams.com and while you're at harlomwilliams.com, please check out everything that's there. My stand-up comedy schedule. As you know, next week I'll be in New York at New York's Levity Live, a great comedy club just outside of Manhattan in Nyack, Nyack, New York. and then July, that's July 9th through the 12th.

And then I'll also be in Pemberton, British Columbia at the Pemberton Music Festival. One night only, July 19th. And then later in the week, I'll be over in Montreal, Quebec, at the Just for Laughs comedy festival. Biggest comedy festival on the planet. Unbelievable lineups there. if you're in the hood come and see the kid and then only one show in August

because I try to take August off and just relax so in August you can catch me in Irvine, California at the improv in Orange County Irvine August 20th to the 23rd. Great new club they just built down there.

Huge new club 600 seat theaters. type club. So get your tickets. Get them at Harlow Williams.com on the stand-up tour link. Also check out our store at Harlan Williams.com. All kinds of fun gifts. Join my Twitter account at Harlan Williams, my Periscope account at Harlan Williams, all that stuff. Subscribe to the YouTube channel and blah, blah, blah, blah. That's it for today, guys. Thank you for being here. Tell your friends about the Harland Highway. Let's get them on board.

And let's get everyone laughing. Laughing and oven fun. That's it for today. Hope you have a great one. Until next time, chicken. Chowman, baby.