The Harland Highway - 688 - The art of pulling a HISSY FIT. Listener MAIL BAG!

Episode Date: July 9, 2015

On this show we discuss the throwing of a hissy fit. Also, letters from our listeners in the Harland Highway mail bag. Hissy, lil' Missy??? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Change, change, change, change, change. Don't even know the words, but isn't it just change is the only word in that song? Hey, everybody, Arlon Williams here, the Harlan Highway, welcome Earthlings. Thanks for being here, guys. We have a wonderful show for you today. Just Fabule. Oh, it's Fabule. Today we will be talking about you, because today we're dipping.

into the Harland Highway mailbag. You guys send me all kinds of letters at Harlanwilliams.com and we haven't dug into the mailbag for a while, so we're going to see what's on your minds and read some of your letters, and I will reply and respond as best as I can. I'm going to respond as best as I can. And you never know what people are going to write. It's a lot of fun.

Also, the Harland Highway Question of the Day. I caught a guy out in public pulling a little bit of a hissy fit and I think he had a justification for his histy fit. I won't tell you what the hissy fit is but we'll talk about it in the Harland Highway question of the day.

It made me laugh but it also made me feel sad because a grown man had a little bit of a hissy fit and it raised a big question. We'll cover it in the question of the day. So here we go. Let's get ready to rock and roll. This is.

The Harland Highway. Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to introduce the Harland Highway. I promise you, I will please you all. Believe me. What is he like? What's he going to like anyway? Oh, he's an angel. He's an angel. He's an angel stuck from nothing.

You're going to need a picture. You're listening to Harlan Williams. Why don't you give me a name and a face and a reason why? Your man, what do you expect the guy that chick-a-law? Man. It's over, Jenny. It's over. Nothing is over!

You just don't turn it off. You just made a wrong turn. On to the Harland Highway. Weird. Just plain weird. You're not me. I'm still alive. I'll tell you what I won't give you, you muckers.

I won't give you the satisfaction of saying that I'm sorry. Welcome to the Harland Highway. Oh, you get your money's worth. Believe me. The Harland Highway. Question of the day. Okay, here it is. Here it is. It's kind of a simple one, but it's an important one. Are you one of these people that gets mortified, crushed, despondent when little details aren't met when you expect them? Case and point, I was at a McDonald's the other day,

and I went inside. I didn't want to do the drive-through thing, so I went inside and I lined up and it was pretty crowded. And it was kind of just that peak moment where there was probably like, you know, 20 people waiting in line to get their McBrackfast. And everyone was there. They'd call number 52, number 127, number 49,

number 342, which, by the way, I don't know why the numbers jump all over the place like that. Like, when you used to go to a deli, it was like, number one, number two, number three, number four. Now it's like, number 48, number 422. It's like, it jumps. Like, did they miss a bunch of people? Did they? But anyways, that's not the point. What I'm saying is one guy went up and got his food and he grabbed his bag,

And off he went. He went out the door. And I was there probably about two more, three minutes waiting for mine because it was busy. And all of a sudden, this big, tall, skinny kid, probably about 25, 26. Black T-shirt, surfer shorts, baseball cap. You know, just like a dude, right? And he comes walking back, and I see him go up to the counter to the girl. He goes, oh, oh, you forgot to put the hot sauce in.

And she goes We don't have any hot sauce And he goes What do you mean She goes Well we ran out We don't have hot sauce He goes wait a minute

You don't have any hot sauce at all No sir We ran out We don't have it So no hot sauce Is that what you're telling me Yes sir No hot sauce

Well come on man I mean that's the whole reason I ordered this stuff Like for the hot sauce You don't do without the hot sauce You know, those little packages, like you get a Taco Bell, the little ketchup packs. So I guess McDonald's has hot sauce for, I don't know if they have a breakfast burrito. I don't know what you'd put hot sauce on at breakfast.

But this poor guy you can tell is, and I laughed because it was so important to him. I swallowed a bug. It was so important to him to have that hot sauce, like the flavor of his whole meal, pivoted on the hot sauce. His decision to come to this particular place, spend his money, and get this type of food, was entirely built on the fact that when he got the food, he was going to be able to add this delicious hot sauce, which created the flavor that he desired and made the eating experience just perfect,

just where he wanted it to be. And when there was no hot sauce, he's just like in his head he must have well now i just got breakfast burritos what's that all about i could get a breakfast burrito anywhere man what what is it what is without the hot sauce man and it was so funny because he you know he stormed out i saw him he walked he huffed past everyone and his eyes were kind of full of rage and sadness kind of like uh i don't know if you ever saw like the Madagascar movies where there's this one little creature. I forget what it was.

It was a little furry guy. And every now and then when he wanted to get his way, he'd do these great big, huge, like puppy eyes. His eyes would get huge and tears would start coming out. The guy looked like he had a bit of that going on. And he just kind of huffed out. He was mumbling. He said, oh, man, that's why I come into this plane. I don't got any hot sun.

I can't believe it. I came all the way up here and then I went to my car and I came back. And I felt bad, but I got to admit I was laughing. Just that mumbling, the angry mumbling. It's like you got nowhere to put your anger. It's like, look, they got no hot sauce. They can't go in the back and, like, you know, pour a bunch of like chilies in an old cedar bucket.

And all right, everybody, take it. your shoes and socks off everybody jump in the cedar bucket jump up and down we'd make hot sauce with our bare feet if we have to to keep this gentleman happy come on everybody homemade hot sauce so this guy was just left in the lurch totally unsatisfied you knew he was going to be pissed he wasn't going to enjoy his meal as much after he'd waited 10 minutes to get it at a crowded place he could have gone somewhere else he probably had that argument in his own head as he was a pretty jeez do i go to do i go to carls junior oh they got that good thing i like but wendy's wendy's has that biscuit and bacon and egg breakfast oh but macdonald's that hot sauce oh you know

the hot sauce trumps it the hot so if it wasn't the hot sauce i'd go to wendies but but it's that hot sauce it's just so brings my mouth alive it's tangy it's tingly it just it's the perfect accent oh yeah yeah yeah yeah i'm gonna go it's an extra mile out of my way but it's worth it because i'm gonna get that hot sauce and then cut to a fucking good no hot i don't even like coming to this place on god damn it's so that's my question of the day life is full of those little details and it just doesn't happen you know with hot sauce it happens when you when you buy a plane ticket it happens when you go to a restaurant. It happens when you meet a date. You know, maybe you're expecting them to look a certain way or behave a certain way.

Maybe you're expecting a big kiss at the end of the night. You don't get on a date and a movie, took it to Olive Garden and they got her the extra breadsticks. And even though they were free, I had to watch her eat them and didn't even get a frigging kiss at the end. So are you one of these people that's agitated and annoyed and get angry at the small little details that don't come true. The Harlan Highway question of the day. The Harland Highway Question of the Day.

You're the one. However you make your living, breakfast at McDonald's. Hot sauce. It's your day. A great beginning. Scrambled eggs and sausage. Help the salesman make it sense. Selective of a hot sauce. Mm.

Mm. Mm. The hot sauce. No matter who you are, no matter what you do. McDonald's. McDonald's has just the kind of breakfast you need. You got any hot sauce. We'll serve you fast, too.

So you can eat slow, talk to your friends, and still be to work on time. What about hot sauce? You got hot sauce? My goddamn hot sauce. What do you mean you don't have hot sauce? I came all the way in here. I drove five extra miles to get some goddamn hot sauce. You don't have hot sauce, huh?

How would you like to meet my high-powered fucking rifle? Huh? I'll shoot this. Fucking place up. Give me my fucking hot sauce! I want my fucking hot sauce! Get my fucking hot sauce! Letters!

Oh, we get letters. We get your letters every day. Mail, man, mail, man, mail today. Reach right in and pull one out. Those letters, all right. I love those letters. Yay. Let's find out what you've got to say.

Got to say, oh boy, mailman, ding-dong, mail to day. Well, we haven't done the mailbag in a while, so I thought we better get to it. It's getting full, and people have been writing in, and let's just get right to it. By the way, if you ever want to write to me, you can write to me at harlomwelliams.com. We have a contact page on there, and here is our first letter. This is from Nate. Nate writes and says, the whale song. Hey, Harland, Brackett Sonar Williams.

I was so glad to finally find your podcast. I've been a fan since I was seven. Wow, when I saw you in Down Periscope. I just have to ask, can you still do the Whale song? All the best, Nate. Well, thank you, Nate. Down Periscope was a submarine movie I did with Kelsey Grammer and Lauren Holly and William H. Macy and some really fun.

people. Bruce Dern was in it. Just some really fun people in that movie. And I played a sonar man who listened underwater and at some point in the movie I had to make a whale call and I'll try and do a little bit of it. It hurts my voice to do it because I have to get a high-pitched voice going. But here's a little sample mate. There you go. There you go. There you go. Little whale song for you, Nate.

Thanks for joining the Harland Highway. You're now officially a pavement ponder. Tell your friends and keep on singing whale songs, buddy. Yeah, man. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it.

I love it. I love it. else we got here um here is a letter from oh we have a female pavement pounder here we go harland this is from jenn in jersey jenn in jersey that sounds that sounds like it could be like a thing a jen in jersey sounds like it could be a cocktail drink yeah bartender could have a jan and jersey please yeah on the rocks and a little bit of salt around the edges yeah oh man you know what bartender give me two Jen and jerseys my girlfriend just showed up um harland i am a woman yes you are jan i am a woman and i just wanted to say i agree wholeheartedly with your rant about the pusification of men

in movies and tv i like when a man is the hero and saves the woman as well anyways i just thought you should hear a woman's perspective gen in jersey p.s you get the best guests, L-O-L. Well, first of all, Jen, thank you for that. It's so nice to hear a woman's perspective about that, because when I do say that, I'm not trying to be sexist or I'm not trying to be anti-women, but I am trying to say is that, you know, there are roles for men and there are roles from women, and leave the damn roles for men alone. Let men be tough guy, badass heroes. Let them have some testosterone. Let them be the leastosterone. Let them be the lead. Let them dominate in a movie. It's a movie.

Guess what, world? A lot of women still like a man to dominate. Because a man's being dominant doesn't mean he disrespects her or thinks he's smarter than her or wants to put her head on the ground and put his boot on her neck. No. It just means in certain situations, sometimes men are dominant. And now it seems these days a lot of movie studios are afraid. to show men being dominant and it pisses me off and I think it pisses

a lot of men off and it was great to hear a woman send in her perspective and say the same thing so there you go Jen, love it. Thank you for that letter it's you know it kind of it's nice to hear that a woman wouldn't be

mad at my perspective at the end that all right let's do another letter Who do we got here? This is Johnny Tapia. Ooh, I almost said Talapia, which is a fish. Improv in Ontario, Aerie, Ario. If I only had a brain.

My wife and I had a great time at the improv in Ontario, California. You had me laughing from the time you started in on Bruce Gender. Yeah, Bruce Gender. It had been a long time since we had been to the improv, so for you to be the one to welcome us back, was the best way ever loved your show and I wear my magic fuck-off t-shirt proudly. Well, thank you very much, Johnny Talapia.

I recently did a stand-up show in Ontario, California, at the improv and at the time, the whole Bruce Jenner thing was getting hot and I called him Bruce Gender and did some jokes about that. And then at the end of the show, I sell my magic fuck off t-shirt. I've told you guys about it. It's a bunch of random letters, two rows of

letters. And when you fold the bottom letters into the top letters, it says fuck off. So if you're walking down the street and some idiot goes, hey man, what's your shirt say? I don't get it. You're like, you really want to know? Yeah, what's it say? Here, let me show you. And then you fold it and boom, they get a big fuck off. And it's a great shirt. It needs to burn your friends, abuse your family, everyone. Um, but outside of that, There's another customer that really seemed to enjoy my stand-up comedy show. If you haven't seen me do stand-up live, you're depriving yourself. People seem to love it.

I love doing it. It's infectious. So please check my website, harlomwilums.com, and you can find out my upcoming stand-up comedy dates. Thank you for that letter. Johnny Talapia, even though I know it's not Talapia, I just wanted to say it. Hey, everybody. Who wants to have better sex? No? Yes? Yes. The answer is yes. You always want to have better sex. That's what you want it to be better, not worse. Trust me. And Adam and Eve is offering

50% off just about any item plus free shipping. And more than that, Adam and Eve wants to make your life easy. They offer discrete shipping as your privacy is a priority. Plus 100% free shipping on your entire order. Doesn't matter how much you spend or you buy, all will be packaged and sent discreetly for free and fast. Don't wait, Better Sex is just a click away. That's 50% off, one item, and free shipping. Bring more pleasure and satisfaction into your bedroom. Just go to Adam and Eve.com and select any one item.

It could be an adventurous new toy or anything you desire. Just enter the offer code Harlan to check out. H-A-R-L-A-N-D at Adam and Eve.com. This is an exclusive offer specific to this podcast. So be sure to use this code Harland so you get your discount and 100% free shipping code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out.

Here's another one. Let's see what we got here. This is from Mike. The subject is fudge. Dude, Harland, where the fudge is fudgy-wudgey-fage-Face Part 14. Get on that, corn cob. Trickle, Coca-Moka, Capamoka, Latte, Pacino, fudge-faced weasel with pumper-nichols, trucele, strup waffle, Dutch oven long of a corncob pipe, chicken doodle, chocolate covered with cinnamon.

I'm exhausted. But that's what he wrote. That's what he wrote. That's what Mike wrote. And Mike, when he says fudgy-wudgey-fudge face, He's referring to my independent movie I did called Fudge You Wudgy Fudge Face as a four-hour-long epic movie. It took me six years to shoot and direct and write and edit. I did everything on this movie. And because it's so long, what I do is every week I put up five fresh minutes of the movie chronologically.

And so if you join my YouTube channel, you can see each five-minute clip as it comes out every week. but I suggest you start a clip number one so you can follow the story. Even though if you do jump in in the middle, it's still a lot of fun. I recommend you start at the top and work your way through. Ooh, listen to that. There's a leaf blower at my window. Oh, man. I'm getting a blowjob right now.

Do you hear that? So thank you, Mike. And yes, some weeks I'm a little late posting the Fudgy-Wodgy Fudge Face clips because I'm traveling. or I just get so busy. I don't have time for it. And I do apologize. But I will, you know, I will try to be as prompt as I can.

And thank you for enjoying fudgy-wudgy-fudge-face. Tell your friends. And like I said, you guys, get on my YouTube channel. There's a subscription button at the bottom of my homepage at harlomwilums.com. Okay, moving along. John Dunn sent me not only a letter, but a picture. Wow, this is fun. John Dunn sent me a picture of a guy taking a turn in his car and using his arm.

He's got his arm out his car window clearly signaling to somebody to stop or move or go. And I had done a whole podcast segment about people using their arms while they're driving to change the rules of traffic. People seem to believe that their arm has superpowers. They can just stick their arm out and everyone has to... Oh, he's got his arm out. Stop! But I'm going to the hospital. I'm having a baby. I don't care. Stop. But I'm in the ambulance. We've got the lights going in the side.

It doesn't matter. He's got his arm out. You can't go. So John sent me a hilarious picture of a guy in a car shoving his arm out the window. And John's letter reads, This dude is using his arm to turn left, but his blinker is working just fine. So maybe he was, this is the thing, John. He was probably doing something else. His blinker's working fine,

but he probably was like trying to signal to another car or somebody that he was doing something. That's why I don't like the arm thing. It's not part of the rules. But a hilarious pitcher, thanks for taking the time John Donn to send me that great picture. Okay, good stuff.

Let's move along here. Some great letters, guys. I really appreciate you guys writing me, by the way. It's fun to get your feedback on the show. I play a lot of your phone calls, and I don't get to your letters as much, so here we go. This one is from K-A, capital K, capital A. Subject, Podcast 679. Harland, I just wanted to add my two cents to your dating advice.

Here's the thing. Yes, some women think the bad boy is more exciting. However, from my experience, even the nice guy can be just as much of an ass as the bad boy can. I hold fast to the manner of thinking. If you can't like me for who I am, what I look like, etc., then you don't need to be in my life. That's always been my philosophy, and since my divorce, I hold even stronger to it. The collar should just be himself. What if he ends up with someone who fell for his persona

only to find that he is completely different? So if he's nice, he should stay nice. He'll find the right one. And for the record, not everyone has a one-night stand. Just a side note. I'm visiting Canada for the first time ever, and yes, Canadians I've met so far have been very nice to me. I've yet to meet a really mean one.

With the exception of an older gentleman that yelled at me in French, no clue what he said. Any suggestions for fun things to do in Toronto, have a great night. Oh, well, thank you. K.A. I think it's Kaylee, who wrote into me. Unfortunately, I'm reading this letter a little bit late, so I'm guessing you already did your trip through Toronto. So I won't go into that.

But your letter was in reference to a Canadian man that a few podcasts back on podcast 679 had left me a phone call, which I played on podcast 679, where he's saying, Harland, I'm having trouble, you know, connecting with women because I'm Canadian and I've got the Canadian nice guy thing. And he goes, I get the dates,

but I can't seem to close the deal. The girls think I'm just a nice guy and want to be buddies, blah, blah, blah. And so I gave him a little advice. I said, you know, don't ever lose being the nice guy, but maybe try being a little more forceful. maybe try being a little more of a bad boy, maybe suggest things that are a little more direct.

And Kayla, I agree with you. You should never kind of make up a persona, but it doesn't hurt to add to your repertoire. I mean, you can be a super nice guy, but at the same time, there's no reason you can't have another side you that's a little edgier. And sometimes that's something you might have to cultivate or build. because if you're just intrinsically nice all the time

and let's say you get married or you have a girlfriend and for whatever reason in the bedroom she likes to be a little naughtier maybe she wants you to use dirty words maybe she wants you to say nasty things and you're just like oh I can't I can't say that I want to be a dentist you know you're like that little elf from the Rudolph cartoon

I want to be a dentist my name's Melvin and so sometimes even though you're nice you know it's like it's like i think everyone has to have kind of uh kind of a naughty side to them and uh you know in the bedroom or when you're making out or whatever you might need to switch gears so i'm not saying abandoned being a nice guy don't create a fake personality that you know that you know surprises your partner down the road when And they go, wait a minute, you're not really like this. But just add it onto what you have. And hopefully they enjoy it in it.

And it enhances your relationship. It enhances some of your experiences and all that stuff. But I do appreciate your perspective. And you're not wrong. But, you know, sometimes you got to put a little spice. You got to put a little spice, spice in the chili. You know what I'm saying? Okay, let's do just a couple more here.

We were getting deep into the mailbag here. Here we go. This is from Richard Stevens. The subject is Coconut Carrot Man Spreading Juice. Coconut Carrot Man Spreading Juice. Okay, this should be interesting. The message is, Hey, Harland, love the show. long-time listeners since 2010.

Thank you. Big fan indeed from the first time I met you at the Laugh Factory in Hollywood in 2001 at comedy camp with Jamie Masada, who set us up as young comedians at the time. Yes, that was, Jamie did a comedy camp for young kids at his comedy club, The Laugh Factory in Hollywood, and I used to go in and talk to the kids and try to mentor them and give them advice and all that kind of stuff. So it's good to hear from you, Richard. Let's continue with your letter. Anyhow, bud, I could spread the love all day long,

but this topic is begging to be talked about, which is man-spreading. Uh-oh. I just heard about this topic in New York where people are getting arrested for spreading their legs, comma, pants, shorts, while in public. For instance, in the subway. What the hell happened to our rights, man?

I feel like my days of free-balling are over. Please tell me how you feel as my genitals are pleading the fifth till further notice. Much love always. Richard. Wow, Richard. You need to sit down and do a Sharon Stone, dude. You need to spread those wings and fly, baby. You just need to find a strip club and just ask the owner, even though you're a dude,

dude, I'll give you $40. Can I just go sit on the edge of the stage and spread eagle and flap my legs open and shut? I've got to get it out. If this is the case, I have yet to hear about this man-spreading thing. First of all, it's kind of a vile-sounding thing. I don't want to really hear man-spreading. But if people aren't allowed to sit with their legs open in public,

like on the subway or at a restaurant or in a mall, I mean, come on. This country's already got so many restrictions. I'm right at the edge of revoking the title, the Land of the Free. But if they start trying to tell us how we can sit, sitting with one's legs open is a natural posture. Even women will sit with their legs open

if they're wearing a pantsuit or slacks or shorts or whatever. It's not vile. It's not disgusting. And the problem is that what happens is small groups of people. Sometimes it only takes one. One person or a small group of people will start saying things. They'll write a letter to their congressperson. They're a busy body.

They're oversensitive. They're annoying. And all of a sudden, you know, two or three people start to dictate public policy. And we see it a lot. you pick your poison man there are things from all over the gamut where small groups of people are imposing their wishes their point of view their lifestyle onto the rest of the people that really don't seem to have a voice anymore so um i suggest to you buddy that um you know if you want to sit around with your legs wide open you do it in fact i i would say even try to monetize it like you know

since you're going to be making the big spread approach companies approach corporations like coca cola burger king you know places like that and since you're going to be spreading for the world to see put some advertisement between your legs so when you open you know you have the burger king logo and it's his home of the whopper maybe you got the coke logo it's the real thing maybe you're advertising for the milk board and you open your legs and on the inner thigh of your shorts it says got milk

whatever you know Wendy's hot and juicy whatever you want man you know use it working this is America ain't no one going to tell me how to sit I'll sit on America's face if I have to I mean that's what we should do me and you and all the other people

that are pissed off of this manspreading thing we should all get a bus and go to like Mount Rushmore and we should all get like crotchless panties and climb up on Mount Rushmore with ropes and we should all just sit on the faces of the founding fathers with our crotchless panties and just manspread right on their face, sit on their nostrils, sit on their big fat lips.

Let's just all sit in a circle on Abraham Lincoln's giant stone mole and just like spin around and do a man-spread circle and chant, man-spread, man-spread, man-spread, man-spread, man-spread, man-spread. We've got to spread. We have got to spread like skippy peanut butter across a loaf of white wonder bread. That's what we've got to spread like.

So thank you, thank you, Richard Stevens, for alerting all us men out there. And gentlemen, all of you that are listening, we urge you to spread proud and freely and pointy. Wait, what? All right, excellent letter. Thank you, thank you, Stephen, for the man-spread letter. Wow. That's intense, man. with some intense stuff

alright let's do the last letter here this is fun I love hearing from you guys so all the letters are so different here's a letter from Amber Ditsio it's an interesting name Dits it might be Italian Dittizio

Amber Dittizio Amber says children's books Hello this message is for Harland I am looking for an illustrator for my children's book series and have been unable to find someone to bring my characters to life as they so need to be. I think Harlan could give these characters life and make them funny to the kids. If interested, please contact me back. Thanks so much, Amber Dittizio.

Well, oh my God. So I just did answer you back, Amber. I wrote you an email and said, hey, Amber, have you been published before? because I don't know if you guys know this or not, but one of my things that I've done in my life is I've written and illustrated about nine or ten children's books, a few of which are available at the web store

at harloweems.com. I write them and I do all the artwork inside them. And that's been a fun thing for me. I haven't had time to do a lot lately, but, you know, when I have had time to do them, it's been a blast. And so the reason I'm asking Amber if she's been published before is because, you know, a lot of people, just about every second person you meet is like, oh, I've got an idea for a kid's book. Okay, a little baby chicken and a little baby bunny rabbit, and they go inside a pumpkin, and they live there, and they go in, you know, it's like, you know, so many people have kids' books ideas, and so I get approached a lot by people, you know, saying, hey, can we get together?

Can we do a kids book together? And so, you know, it's just too much work to do it from the ground up. But if a person is already established, if a person already has a publishing deal, if a person is a legitimate, proven, tried, and true children's author, then that makes the decision easier because I know I'm dealing with a real thing and I'm not working from nowhere trying to get something published. So I wrote you back, Amber, and I don't know if I'd have time for something like that, but you never know. I'd be willing to see what you've been up to.

Maybe you have a website or something, and I can check out what your history is, what your work is, and maybe just maybe something happens, I don't know, or maybe not. But it's a great, thanks for reaching out. I should say, I'm honored that you would think of me to, be the one to illustrate your work. I mean, when you're a writer and you have to bring an illustrator into the fold to create kind of the vision of your words,

that's a very special honor to have bestowed upon you because you're taking someone's written words and bringing them to life, visually. And you can't take that lightly. You've got to have someone whose style you like, someone's humor, someone's wit, someone there's a lot of elements into the artwork that you have to factor in so indeed a compliment that amber would even consider yours truly so we'll see where that goes we'll keep you posted

and like i said i emailed amber back so we'll find out so that's it roj i think that should be our last letter um and uh let's close up the old mailbag guys thanks so much for writing in It is a real pleasure to hear from you guys You can write me at harlandwilliams.com And there is a contact page on there And just write Whatever you want It can be about anything you want

Obviously I can never get to them all But I try to get to them when I can So Raj close it up That's it for the mailbag The Harland Highway Mailbag Another letter from our listeners' day Man spread, man spread, man spread, man spread, man spread, and now, man spread, sounds like a new type of topping, doesn't it?

It sounds like a new type of, you know, you got your jams, your jellies, your peanut butter, your Nutella, and now delicious manspread with nuts. Wait, what? Um, hey, once again, thank you for all your letters, guys. Keep them coming. And if you ever want to, uh, call to me and leave a voicemail, if you're just too damn lazy, too damn lazy to be writing, well, y'all can, you call, y'all can pick up the telephone, a hello box, and just, just leave me a letter now. Leave, I mean, leave me a phone call now, but a phone message now. 323-739-4330 3-2-3-739-43-43-30 is the number and love hearing from you guys either way and just to get you, excuse me, a swallow the bug

just to get you up to date on my stand-up touring, yes, go to Harlan-Williams.com and check out my stand-up end up to her link to find out where I will be performing. But if you're in the East Coast, New Jersey, New York area, I will be at Levity Live starting tonight in West Nyack, New York, which is just outside of Manhattan, Manhattan, New York Levity Live, great comedy club, Thursday, July 9th through the 12th. And it is going to be killer.

going to have a blast. Get your tickets at harlomwilms.com and hope we see you there. And then July 19th for one night only if you're in British Columbia, Canada. I will be at the Pemberton Music Festival doing stand-up comedy there. One show only.

I think it's at like 6 p.m. in the evening. It's kind of early. So interesting. And then later that week, July 23rd to 25th, catch yours truly in Montreal, Quebec, Canada at the Montreal Comedy Festival. And then the only other stand-up gig I have for the rest of the summer is in August, August 20 to 23rd in Irvine, California, at the improv at the Spectrum. They put a great big new stand-up comedy club in there, 600 people. can fit in that sucker so you better bring a lot of friends um because we want to fill it i want to fill

it i want to fill it i want to man spread it i just want i want to look out into that crowd and see 600 man spreads that's what i want it's time to make a stand against spreading stand and spread no sit and spread no stand up for spit no sit down for spreading that's what i'm I meant to say. So while you're at the website, check out the harlandwilliams.com store. We have shirts, get the magic fuck-off t-shirt I told you about earlier.

It is a blast. I'm telling you complete strangers will walk up to you and ask you what the hell your shirt says and you just zap them. You fold the shirt up and it says, fuck off and it's a lot of fun. There's not many shirts that have a hidden secret message in them. So if you want to see how it works,

go to the store and there's I put a video up of me actually uh doing the little trick and you'll see just how easy and fun it is and you can order your shirt right there online also have some of my kids books there what we talked about earlier if you want to get some of those all kinds of stuff check it out if you will and uh appreciate that um also check me out harland williams at Twitter and Harlan Williams at Periscope. If you're not on my Periscope channel, you're missing out on a lot of silly, funny little skits that I do. I've been starting to do a lot of weird characters on my Periscope. So check it out. Have fun. And it's going to be cool, man. So there you go, guys. I hope your summer's going great. Thanks for being on the podcast with me today. And until next time,

Don't forget to Man Spread and chicken. Chaumain, baby.