The Harland Highway - 689 - COWBOY CHICKEN. Kids in love with their cell phones.

Episode Date: July 13, 2015

Cowboy Chicken calls the show to talk about eggs. Harland spends time around some kids who are obsessed with their cell phones. Calls from the Pavement Pounders. Cell a smell!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Oh, what a show we have today. Okay, what was that all about? I just gave myself a raspberry. Hey, what a show we have today? Hi, everybody. I'm Harlan Williams. You're on the Harland Highway podcast. I'm your host, Harlem Williams.

And this is the Harlan Highway podcast. It's my podcast. I'm Harlan Williams. What is wrong with me? Awesome show today. We are going to be taking some of your phone calls today, responding to some of your phone calls. Also, a wonderful letter.

I got a really nice letter from one of our pavement pounder listeners. We're going to be checking in on that. Also, we're going to be talking about the phenomenon of young people and their relationships with their cell phones, man. I had a recent experience where I was around a group of young people for just less than two days. And the amount of time they spent immersed in their cell phones was mind-boggling.

It was the most I've ever seen, and it shocked and, frankly, kind of frightened me. Very, very odd. Almost as odd as later in this show, we're going to be talking to some kind of mutant farm animal on the Harlan Highway. Yes, he or she is going to be calling in to talk about breakfast for dinner.

It's all here on the Harland Highway. Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to introduce the Harland Highway. I promise you, I will please you all. Believe me. What is he like? What's he like anyway? Oh, he's an angel. He's an angel stuck from nothing. You're going to need a bigger post.

You're listening to Harlan Williams. Why don't you give me a name and a face and a reason why? Oh, man, what do you expect the guy? I'll take a long, man. It's over, Jenny. It's over. Nothing is over! You just don't turn it off.

You just made a wrong turn. On to the Harland Highway. Weird. Just plain weird. You know what I mean? I'm still alive. I'll tell you what I won't give you, you muckers. I won't give you the satisfaction of saying that I'm sorry.

Welcome to the Harland Highway. Oh, you get you. money for believe me oh boy oh boy oh boy all right so this is this was like a bizarre hang on let me get rid of my gum i want you to hear me chewing gum well i'd do a podcast who would who would want that um this was a bizarre social experiment that happened um recently to me so a friend of the family was I was like, oh, my daughter's coming to L.A. with three of her girlfriends, and, you know, they don't have anywhere to stay for a couple of nights. Is it all right if they stay with you? And I'm like, oh, of course, no problem.

So a friend of mine, and I know the daughter, I've met the daughter before, and great kid, wonderful kid. I think I met one of her friends when I was visiting, but didn't really remember. So I was like, yeah, no problem, you know. So they got in late on a Friday, stayed overnight, woke up, went down to the beach for most of the day, and then came and stayed, slept for Saturday, and then left in the morning. And then in between there, you know, we drove down to the store to pick up some groceries, the five of us. We drove down to get some breakfast at a little restaurant, you know, just that kind of stuff. We hung out outside and had a barbecue.

And it was a lot of fun, but it was so bizarre because, you know, these girls were like 18 years old, and I'm, you know, suddenly I'm like the adult guy kind of, I wasn't trying to be like Mr. Father figure and watch over them, but I was just trying to kind of blend in and make sure they didn't get in in any trouble and everything. And, man, I just sat back. and it really hit me how hard young kids are immersed into the social media and their telephones.

I'm not kidding. From the moment they stepped out of the car in my driveway, the phones were out. They were filming. They were taking selfies. They were Instagramming. And it never stopped. In two days, it never stopped. They would be sitting around in a circle together, not looking at each other, not talking, but looking down at their phones.

Okay, but before I get to all the selfie stuff, I got to tell you this, this blew my mind, okay? They're taking pictures in the driveway, walked up into the house, and I have a landline in my house, and I had the receivers sitting on the coffee table, and they walked in, sat down on the couch, and one of the girls picked it up and at first I thought she was joking she goes what is this is this a landline who does this anymore

who has a landline what what is this and I thought this has got to be a joke and I realized she was totally serious and at first I thought should I be insulted but then I thought no this is really happening

She probably grew up landlineless If that's even a term I can create For Wikipedia, landlinness No, landlineless Boy, it's tough to say Maybe we shouldn't Wikipedia it But she was like, she was like It was the first thing out of her mouth

One of the four girls What is this? Who does it? Who has a landlord? I was like I was like, what? Just the, she, she looked so perplexed and kind of weirded out. Dare I say, was she creeped out? I don't know, but I felt ashamed.

I felt like the old man who lived in the, you know, who lived in the old folks home and still like, you know, put mothballs on his pants when he folded them and put them in his drawer that he carved. on his own with his penknife out of an old tree in his backyard. What is it? Who does this? What is this a land?

Why would you have this? And the other girls were just as perplexed. They're looking at it. Yeah, what, why does this guy have? This is the, within 20 seconds of being in my house. Boy, did I feel old and out of date? I kind of like my life. landline. It gives me some comfort. It gives me a little, I don't know, there's a comfort to the

landline. I actually enjoy when people call me at the house on my cell phone, I'll say, hey, can you call me back on my landline? I just find it like a sturdier, more solid, reliable line to talk on. I always feel like the cell line, anything could go wrong or somebody's listening. I feel like the, you know, the cell phone is like the crazy sports car driving all over the road, but the landline is that big 18 wheeler just rolling on through the night. I've got a great big landline trucking through the night. Oh, he's got a great big landline. Ain't it a beautiful sight?

Landline. Yeah, breaker one, we got us a landline. Okay, enough. Okay, so that's what has. happened right away with that. Now let's get back to their world where we get back into the cell phone and selfie thing. Every time I looked up, someone was taking a selfie, whether they were standing on the grass, whether they're sitting in a chair, whether they're in the living room, or they're standing beside the barbecue. I was just stunned. And then they're talking

about oh i got so so so and so views on instagram and uh eddie just snapchatted me and and then i could hear them playing stuff back and watching their own videos and and everywhere we went everything we did and i was like wow i got to tell you gang i was completely stunned and these girls even though they were all together of a gaggle of four i'm not spending spent more time, even though they were a group, they spent more time looking into their phones, doing things with their phones, talking on their phones, watching videos and looking at pictures on their phones, then they interacted with each other. And it didn't matter where we were, if we were sitting, standing, you know, walking, eating.

There was never a moment where it was just a straight activity. without the phones being accessed. And I got to tell you, it blew my freaking mind, man. It really, you know, I see kids out in the street. I see kids out at restaurants. You know, you see people around with their units, with their cell phones. And you're like, oh, we're a cell phone society. But when I saw these four girls together in a contained environment,

and it was almost like the other girls did. exist to each other. There was, there seemed to be more interest and more captivation and more intimacy with their phones than with the other human beings they were with. It was bizarre. And every few hours, oh my God, I need a charger. Where's the charge? You'd see them sitting by the charger, looking for a charger.

Does anyone have a charger? And sweet girls, wonderful girls, not. knocking the girls at all they were just you know really sweet wonderful kids but i was i was reeling i was in child i almost felt like i stepped into a movie script you know because i'm an older dude and and you know you know cell phones to me were a thing that came along at some point of my life whereas these young girls they've these phones have probably been in in their lives since they were like kind of you know mature enough to to use them like like probably since they're 10, 11 years old.

And man, I was just completely... Maybe I'm old-fashioned, maybe I'm behind the ball or whatever, and I knew kids were into their phones, but, man, I had no idea the depth and the commitment and the obsession. I think I have to use that word, the obsession. And I'm realizing that, you know, when I was a kid, you had to figure out ways to talk to your friends. You tell stories, you sing songs, you make up goofy things, you tell jokes.

But these girls were just, you know, their friends were like secondary, third area, fourth area. There's almost like, oh, oh, yeah, yeah, so-and-so is here, yeah. But anyways, how many messages do I have? It was, it was, uh, it was stunning to watch. It blew my mind. And like I said, everywhere we went, driving. Even when we're driving, phones were out, filming things, checking things, talking. Um, walking into restaurants, talking on the phone. Um, oh, it was a, it was a mindblower. I know I, maybe I sound overdramatic, but I, you know, I, I really, you know, on a scale of one to 10, I expected to, I was expecting, you know, maybe kids are like four or five out of ten. These kids were like 9.5 out of 10 in being glued and immersed in their cell phones. And so it takes me to the next level where I wonder, boy, what's the psychology of this generation that's coming up?

what is the what is the the the psychology of kids that that are so addicted and and glued to their phones it really makes me wonder where it's all headed because uh it's almost like watching watching people like with an addiction to like crack or booze or it's like people can't can't put their phones away can't put them down can't can't stop looking at them. It kind of reminds me of those experiments. Sometimes you see them on documentaries where they, you know, they'll have a monkey in a cage.

And the monkey learns that if the monkey pushes the red button, he gets a shock. And if he pushes the blue button, he gets a little piece of a cookie. And so he just constantly pushes the blue button every chance he gets. That's what these kids look like. They just, like, every chance they got, they went to the phone just looking at it head down the rest of the world going by very very limited conversations with each other and let's face it when i was a kid young girls love to talk

you know girls girls love to gab and that's not a that's not an insult that's just that's just a reality girls have fun they they they get off they they like to gab and chit chat and And to see them like foregoing that experience, which is probably a bonding experience, to just interact with their machines, man, my head was spinning. So no comedy there, nothing really weird. Just a weird observation I wanted to share with you guys. I don't know if you've seen it at that level. But again, remember, these were younger girls.

They were 18, so they're just getting gone, you know. And, you know, I talked to her mother on the phone while they were there, and she was like, you let me know if there's any problems. I said, don't worry, everything will be fine. And I thought, geez, I'm probably going to have to be the babysitter all, you know, all these two days here. And then once I saw them with their phones, I was like, I don't have to babysit anybody. They're so glued to their phones. The phones are the babysitters. They don't know, they don't even know where they are. they're just staring at their phones

so i don't know where this is all headed man but uh i got a little bit of a little bit of a disturbing wake-up call to see to see it and i don't know if you've seen it at that depth but it's wow i'm guessing if these four girls are doing it every other kid doing it because they're sending their texts and their messages to somebody and i'm guessing it's kids of their own age Pretty wild stuff.

The world cheese are changing. Thanks, Apple. You're new around here, ain't you? What's your name? Do you give the girl your name and the dress? Because we are a little old car boy Walking through the night There's we got a little old con boy

And she a beautiful sight Come on, car boy Ain't coming like in our way Hello, this is Derek. I just want to thank you for Derek. I just wanted to thank you for turning me on to Periscope. I know you and Mr. Tom Green do that. I have really enjoyed it so far. I have really enjoyed it so far. I think everyone should try it. So everyone, go try Periscope. Thank you. Hello?

Hello? If you're having a... Bobbubbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb and thank you for your latest podcast and thank you for not being afraid. to be politically incorrect is funny stuff and as your question about the breakfast

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is serve family-style meals with your full vegetable spectrum and they even deliver. Okay? So if you can imagine picking up the phone or the computer and having a rotisserie chicken with family meal vegetables and rolls, delicious rolls, delivered to you. and you can imagine putting it in the refrigerator and waking up the next morning and thinking, hey, maybe I will have some good dinner rolls and rotissory chicken and fried okra and baked beans. That's easily imaginable. So, yeah, I've done that many times.

And it's a good stuff, especially those dinner rolls at breakfast. But anyway, I'm calling you on Skype here from Odessa, Ukraine, and enjoying seeing you on Periscope. Hey, everybody, who wants to have better sex? No? Yes. Yes. The answer is yes. You always want to have better sex. That's what you want it to be better, not worse. Trust me. Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item plus free shipping. And more than that, Adam and Eve wants to make your life easy. They offer discrete shipping as your privacy is a priority.

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catch more of your shows. Have a good one. Bye. Hang on, Roger, do we have them? We've got them on the line. He's calling from Texas? Yeah, cowboy chicken. Okay. Ladies and gentlemen, we tracked them down. And it looks like we have cowboy chicken on the line to talk about, I don't know, what are we talking about? Well, let's just put them on. Ladies and gentlemen, cowboy chicken.

Are you there, sir, cowboy chicken? How do you? Pardon me, sir? I said, how deep? Is that howdy? That's right, boy, that's right. You've got cowboy chicken here on the phone. How are you today, sir?

I'm doing just fine, doing some farming down here. We've been riding on the trail. We've been eating some dust. It's been a great, great summer down here so far. How are you doing, boy? I guess I'm doing good. How do I address you? Is it, sir, is it?

You can just call me a cowboy chicken, boy. Boy? Okay, cowboy chicken. It's great to have you on the show. My producer Roger obviously reached out to you, and it sounds like he been talking a lot about eating breakfast. This is just time getting here, boy. Well, we were talking about, you know, why some people eat breakfast at dinner and some people eat dinner at breakfast, and one of our callers called in. I heard the goddamn call, boy, and I'm not too impressed. I'm not too shit-storm impressed. Well, what do you mean, sir? Well, I think y'all know that when you eat breakfast,

what do you usually eat when you have breakfast, boy? I don't know, bacon. That's right, bacon, and what do you do to compliment the bacon, boy? Sir, if you could just stop with the... Don't tell me how to talk now, boy. We talk a little different down here in Texas Town. You talk the way you want, but don't be telling me how I'm going to talk about. Sir, if you could just...

If I could just what, boy? Listen. Why don't you answer the question? You're going to have some breakfast, you're going to have bacon, and what's the other part? Well, eggs. That's exactly what I thought you said. Oh, shit on a tumbleweed. sir you i think you need to tone it down a little don't tell me to tone it down boy how would you like it if i started coming up there and eating your unborn babies i'm sorry sir

how would you like me to stick my chicken neck right up your woman you know what and pull the babies out and start eating them with bacon sir i'm having trouble understanding you now could you just can you clean it up a little asking you a question, boy. Now, how would you like it if I stuck my chicken neck up your woman's wiener hole and grabbed a little baby out and started eating that thing up with some bacon and grass ground on the side, boy?

What do you mean stick your neck? A wiener hole? A wiener hole, boy? Stop it. Now, sir, I'm sorry. I will not be able to have a... A civil conversation here if you keep clucking. Well, look at you.

Maybe you should stop using English language, boy. Now, I'm a cowboy chicken, and chicken do what? I don't know. They cluck, motherfucker. God, can you stop it, sir? Come on. Now, listen, boy, I had to a question. Bacon and eggs is equal to what?

If you're a chicken. I don't know what you're getting at, sir. Well, why don't we put it in with, boy, what's inside of a chicken egg? A baby chicken? That's right, boy, a baby chicken, an embryo. An unborn baby chicken inside of a chicken egg. Stop it! I am having real trouble conversing with you.

sir if you're going to keep clucking now are you upset because that inside of a chicken egg are unborn chickens you're you're equating that with i'm talking about an abortion boy a human abortion now i'm not about to step inside your woman's wormhole and pull out a baby and i'm born baby where it's still conceiving am i you want me to stick my chicken neck up that hole and Pull out a three months old, I'm born, baby. I need it with bacon on the side. God, no. And your clucking makes it even more creepy.

Sir, you're really testing my page. I need you to stop that. You know what, boy, you're about two seconds away from me coming out there wherever you are, and lay in an egg on your goddamn face, boy. Now, cowboy chicken don't need to be hearing how I'm going to talk. I was born with a clock, and I'll clock all clocking day long like this if I need to, boy. Now, you get my part of what I'm saying about eating eggs? You know how insulting that is the cowboy chicken?

You know how gross and indecent that is the cowboy chicken? That's right. I said it. That's like eating an unborn chicken, baby. How dare you eat an un-bored chicken baby, boy? Stop it! Hold on a second, boy, I got an egg coming out right now. Hang on, poor.

Oh, boy, that's a big round old egg. Sir, did you just lay an egg? Well, I'm a goddamn cowboy chicken, boy. What do you think I do all day? Think I sit around here doing my chicken nails? Sir, this is just probably the oddest conversation. Why don't you suck on my chicken finger? What are you talking about?

You like chicken fingers, boy? Yes, I love chicken fingers. Well, I'm giving you the middle one right now. Suck on my middle chicken finger, boy. Stop it! You just got to stop the clucking guy. This is just, it's probably the most annoying interview I've ever done. Well, now you phone me, boy.

I didn't phone you. So why don't you just back the rhetoric on up, huh? Maybe I'll come down there lay a whole omelette on your face. You like that, boy? Maybe a footh. Hang on a second. I got another egg coming out. Oh, boy, that one was an extra wild.

Probably a fat chicken in there, boy. Sir, this is disgusting. Yeah, I'll be more disgusting when I come down there laying egg on your face, and we make an omelie, boy. Now, let's get back to what I was talking about. I do not like how you human beings are walking around eating on. I'm born babies every day and trying to make it happy. Oh, I go to McDonald's.

There's an egg McMuffin. You know what they should call it? An egg-mic abortion chicken baby. That's what it should be called. There I go to Denny's. This is the Denny's French scrambler. That should be called the Denny's aborted chicken scrambler. I go to high hop.

They got the Rudy-tooty fresh and fruity boy. They should call that the Rudy-tooty fucking blend it up. I'm born chicken pots, and that's a pop-a-pom. Stop it. Good God. Well, now you see what I'm dealing with, boy. Cowboy chicken got to watch his babies get eaten up all over the place everywhere I look. So next time you have breakfast, why don't you just think about what you're putting in your mouth, boy?

This is an aborted chicken. There's a baby I'm born abortion you're putting in your mouth, boy. Stop it! I cannot. I'm sorry, I can't continue with you. Oh, hang on, boy. Hang on, cowboy chicken's about to lay a big, fat old egg. Hang on.

Oh, boy, that was like four or five popped out. That was like a machine gun fucking eggs. That was like a wild flock of fucking eggs just came out of my chicken hole, boy. Good God, sir. Can't you just call me cowboy chicken, boy? No, I'm going to call you and goodbye. I cannot continue this. It's one of the most foul things.

Oh, I have another cowboy middle chicken finger, boy. Hang on, here comes some more eggs. No, I'm hanging up. I don't want to hear you lay any more eggs. Hold on. Hold on. Here it comes. Oh, it looks like my chicken holes expanding.

Oh, I can see the white hiccup. Ah! God, hang up on him. Good God Holy What the fuck was that, Roger? Cowboy chicken. Holy,

Unbelievable. Hang up. Wow. You gotta give me something better to end the show on than that, Roger. There's no way I'm going out with that stupid cowboy chicken guys laying eggs everywhere what a retread

what do you got you got anything else what you've got an email from somebody one of our listeners let me guess it's some kind of weird abuse something crazy right okay it's something good okay I can handle that

all right let's let's read the email then um send send it on through here okay here we go roger assures me that this is a good email and let's see what it says uh this is an email sent to me through my website harland williams dot com excuse me if i'm still flustered i'm still thinking about that idiot cowboy chicken um anyways here is the message it says uh name stan this is from stan subject podcast praise okay well that's a good start message hi harland i'm a regular podcast listener i really enjoyed your podcast number 687 i listened to it on monday um and after hearing the introduction i was a little disappointed since i love your silly stuff Oh, okay. I know which one you're talking about.

So this is the podcast where I deviated from being silly and told people at the beginning that this podcast was going to be unique because one of my pavement pounders, my listeners, had phone and left me a message asking for advice, and I ended up dedicating the whole show to giving advice to this young gentleman. So let me continue with the email here. um as i said i was a little disappointed since i loved your silly stuff and here's where we pick it up but i quickly changed my mind well that's good i'm a teacher and i 100% agreed with your advice hey how about that i'm going to play it to my two children who are in college when we take a road trip this saturday to go swimming at a spring together i may even play it to my classes I just want you to know you reached someone.

I know I find it rewarding when students give me notes at the end of the year telling me I reached them. I'm a seventh grade teacher of 23 years, but I wouldn't trade it for a million dollar gig. Best regards, Stan. Thank you. Well, thank you, Stan. Holy smokes. You know, it's funny because when I put out that podcast, and again, one of you guys had called in and left me a message and said, hey, man, I'm in a rut, I'm in a slump.

You know, have you ever been in a rut in a slump? Can you give me any advice to help me get out of it? And I thought, you know, I felt for the gentleman. I thought, you know what, I'll give him advice since he asked for it. And I was going to do like a 10-minute little thing, and I ended up talking to him the whole show. I did the whole podcast, podcast 687. And I was a little apprehensive to put it out there

because I was like, God, you know, my listeners don't want to hear this I don't think and maybe it's the wrong thing to put out there's no real comedy in here but then again I thought man if one of my listeners is asking for help I should try and help if I can so as as I said I was hesitant to release that podcast I did and to hear this wonderful email from Stan where it sounds like it resonated with him and for him to want to play it for his daughters, and maybe even for his students. Oh, boy. I mean, now I'm thinking maybe I said something in there that actually made sense or something. So that's exciting to hear.

And I hope the podcast had the same effect on the gentleman whose phone call I was responding to. Because, you know, it was geared towards him. If anyone else got something out of it, that's fantastic, as Stan clearly did. Stan, I appreciate that letter. Roger, you were right. This is a good, much better way to end the show. Stan made our day here, and I'm glad to get some feedback on that. And, you know, it gives me a little more courage to put out the more unique podcast now and then

that maybe aren't so silly through the whole show. But don't worry. We're never going to get rid of the silly. Right, cowboy chicken? Get out of here. Up yours. So let's get to some announcements. Thanks again, Stan.

And if you want to write me, folks, Harlandwiliams.com is the email address. There's a contact page on the website at harlidwilms.com. You can write to me there. Or if you want to leave a voice message, 323-739-43-3-3-3-3-3-739-3-3-3-3-7-39. 40330. Also check out our store. We have a great store there at Harlan Williams.com. All kinds of fun merchandise you can order. T-shirts, books, art, music, children's books. You name it, man. It's there.

Also join my Twitter page at Harlan Williams. My Periscope address is at Harlan Williams as well. You can subscribe to my YouTube channel at the Harlan Williams.com page right at the bottom. You'll see the link, and you'll get all my latest crazy videos sent right to you directly. You don't have to search for them. And they are cray cray. What else can I tell you here? Let's talk about some upcoming stand-up comedy stuff. My next gig will be July 19th at the Pemberton Music Festival.

That will be in Pemberton Bridge, Columbia, Canada. It's a huge music festival, and I will be just one of the many, many acts featured there. So if you're up there, it's one night only for me. The festival's longer, but my gig is just one night, July 19th. And then over on the other side of Canada, in Montreal, Quebec, July 23rd to the 25th. Yours truly will be performing at the Montreal Just for Laughs Comedy Festival. Yay!

And then in August I only have one show. It's in Irvine, California, in Orange County at the Spectrum. The improv has a great new comedy club. They built out 600 seats. This thing's massive. August 20th to the 23rd. So get your tickets online at Harland Williams. dot com and that's it gang i hope your summer is going great keep the letters and phone calls

coming tell your friends to get on the harland highway and i appreciate uh you listening so there you go that's it until next time chicken cowboy chalmane baby Thank you.