The Harland Highway - 704 - SPECIAL GUEST - VANESSA RAGLAND

Episode Date: October 8, 2015

Actress, improv master, and all round wonderful gal joins Harland on the show today to talk about dating, the end of the world, rabies, and the TOO SOON game. Soon we spoon!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Well, why the fancy music to kick off the Harland Highway? Well, why not? Got a great guest on the show with me today. She'll be here the whole show. We'll be interviewing her, funny, charming, intelligent, sexy, witty, all those things, have more. And we're going to have a whole bunch of fun. I won't tell you her name.

But wonderful guests. I'll tell you once we get on to the other side of this intro. Of course I will. But I'm trying to bait you a little bit. I'm trying to build the suspense. We're going to have a blast. We're going to be talking about, you know, terrorism. We're going to be talking about rabies.

We're going to talk about first date, romance. we're going to get obnoxious we're going to get fun we're going to play play some games just an all-round a good time here today so I hope you enjoy

my special wonderful guest she'll be here the whole show as you know I don't often have guests but today we do I'm very lucky so here we go it's special guest time here on the Harlan Highway

Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to introduce The Harland Highway I promise you, I will please you all, believe me What is he like? What's he going? Anyway, oh, he's an angel. He's an angel stuck from nothing.

You're going to need a bigger pose. You're listening to Harlan Williams. Why don't you give me a name and a face And a reason why? Oh man, what do you expect The guy has chigolo, man? it's over jenny it's over nothing is over you just don't turn it off you just made a wrong turn

onto the harland highway weird just plain weird you're not me i'm still alive all i'll tell you what i won't give you you muckers i won't give you the satisfaction of saying that i'm sorry welcome to the harland highway all you get your money's worth All right, everybody, here we are on the Harland Highway. What a delight. What a, it's an extra delightful treat today. It's like Dairy Queen used to say, scrump deletious. And the reason it is today, because I have a very wonderful guest here today.

And you just heard her make a little baby owl noise. And it is a she, and she's a wonderful actress. She has her own podcast. She's an improv superstar. She does so much. And I'm lucky to have her here. Vanessa Ragland is here. How are you?

Good. How are you? What a treat. How's it going? Oh, it's going great. It's just going so great. Oh, you look great. You always look great.

Oh, it says the horse to the other horse. Oh, I'm a horse now. Yeah, in a good way. Oh, thanks. Just a couple of ponies. You look lovely too, huh? Ah, thank you. Well, I still model.

Did you ever model? You probably could have. Constantly, constantly. Did you really? Oh, yeah. For real. No, honestly. Never.

Why not? Too ugly and also not interested. No, you could model easily, I think. Can people look you up online or would that make you uncomfortable? Oh, no. It would make me so relaxed. Yeah, look me up and then hot or not and just email me at info at potmyculturepodcast.com. What?

We'll see what. Wait, what's hot or not? It was an old, do you, it was an old website. Yeah. Maybe the 90s. And it was predated Facebook and all these things. But it was just like women or men would upload their picture. And all, the only purpose was people writing hot or not.

No. Clicking hot or not. That's for real? Yeah. And you were on it? No. I was never on it. But I'm saying we could do that to me.

I can upload a picture. There can be a rating system that will ruin my story. I'm just going to, I'm going to like forego that and just tell everyone. Vanessa is hot, ladies and gentlemen. Save your damn time. So we're going to be talking with Vanessa tonight. We're going to be asking her probing questions. She's going to give us probing answers.

We're just going to chew the fat. Like, I'm not talking regular fat. Have you ever chewed the fat off like a buffalo hide? No. That's the kind of fat we're going to chew tonight. Oh, good. Yeah. And then later in the show, we're going to play the Harland Highway a famous game that I do with all my guests, and I don't often have guests, but Vanessa is just

such a treat I wanted to have her on the show. We're going to play too soon or not too soon. It's going to be fun. I'm already very nervous. And then we'll close the show out with the, it's an option question. It's called the obnoxious question. And you can, don't decide now, but I'll ask you at the end of the show, if you want to answer it or not. Do I have to decide that before you ask you a question? Oh, no. So think about, see how the interview goes. See how the juices are flowing. See how you feel and then we'll go from there. And then we can close with a prayer, I hope. Do you want to close with a prayer? Yeah, I'd like that too. Yeah, absolutely. This is your time.

Thank you. If you want to close with a prayer, we'll close with a prayer. Great. I just wish Sharon Stone had closed her legs. Oh, God. Not really. No, I don't. I don't think anyone. Why would anyone? No, everyone's very thankful for that. Thanks, Sharon. Yeah, thank you. This one is doing it for the sisters. First question, have you ever had rabies? I have not. You've never been attacked by a fox or like a crepe? I have been attacked by a fox, but I've never had it.

Wait a minute. So when was this? 1962. You were attacked by a fox. Yeah. What happened? I mean, it was my own fault. Yeah.

Being at the hunt. I shouldn't have been at the hunt. You were at a fox hunt. Right. Where? In England. In England. In 1962.

That was a crazy time. You were for you. The beetles made everyone crazy. Wow. How old were you? I wasn't even born. Exactly. You were attacked by a fox in the womb.

Yeah. Wow. That's why you didn't get rabies. You were protected by placenta. Oh, you're probably right. Yeah. You know, we've been trying to crack that for a while. Oh, my God.

Yeah. Have you ever been attacked by an animal like outside of the world? I've been attacked by a chicken. A chicken. A rooster. Yeah. I mean, only birds. Why?

I kind of grew up on a farm. And, but not exactly like a layman's farm my neighbor was a veterinarian so she always like harbored all these sort of busted animals yeah i love animals so i was over there all the time yeah taking care of whatever i could doesn't sound like they loved you back though not the chickens or the roosters why they sleep in trees which i wasn't quite aware of i thought they had a coop situation there was a coop but uh hold on chickens and roosters sleep in trees hence the roosting they're roosting I didn't know that.

And I frightened them on a walk home late night after I've been feeding some squirrels with an eyedropper because she rescued these little flying squirrels and I was taking care of them because they were gone and I was walking by the trees. And then they flocked to you. You got flocked. Oh, it was the worst.

It was really bad. Would you say it's one of the worst flocking you've ever had in your life? No, nothing like that. There's been many worse. You've been flocked way worse? Yeah. Wow, but how many times have you been flocked out

on a country road late at night? Right, with an eyedropper in your hand. Just a handful. Really? And this was the worst? Or not the worst? Not the worst, no. They were worse.

That was the only flocking. On the record, it was one flocking. You were flocked by, what's a male rooster called? Is it? A rooster. Isn't it something else, though? A cock. You were flocked by...

I was cock-flocked. In the middle of the night, with an eyedropper in your hand, just after you'd been giving the... With a heart of gold. tarnished slightly. Did you have to do like therapy and stuff after you got flocked by the cock in the middle of the night?

I probably should have, but I didn't. Isn't that? That could be a kid's book. Flocked by a cock in the middle of the night. Yeah, that's a good book. That would be a good kid's books. And the lesson would be kids, don't walk in the dark.

Don't walk in the dark when the cock might flock. Yeah. Right? You're like a modern day doctor Suez. He was a great doctor. Is it Suez? I believe it's Seuss.

Seuss. Shouldn't it be S-O-O-S? Something to take up with a dead man, honey. But doesn't it seem like it's... It's Suez, is how I would say it. And you did. Yeah. Just to be fair to him, I've never heard anyone make the same mistake.

Do you think he was a real doctor? Sure. You'd honestly, like the guy that wrote green eggs and ham, Sam I am, you've got... How does he come up with that? Testicular cancer, ham slam by ham? Like, how do you, how does Dr. Seuss diagnose your ailments? He has bad news, but you don't even feel it sting you because it feels so happy. There's such a bouncing rhythm that's not until you're in the car and you're like, oh, no, I'm dying.

I saw a box on a fox. Ovarian cancer. You have lots. Oh, thank you so much. Have a great day. My doctor. He's a fun guy. Wait a minute.

I think I have a very hand case. Wow. Yeah. Why does he get Dr. Maurice Sendak, who wrote where the wild things are? He didn't, he's not Dr. Maurice Sendak. He's just Maurice Sendak. But he is Sergeant Maurice Sendak. Oh, he is?

So he's in the military. The make-believe military, just like the make-believe medical school. What about who was it that wrote Winnie the Pooh? Was somebody Milded, wasn't it? H. Mim. H. Mim. H. something else, Mild, right? Maybe H is like hospice.

Maybe he was a hospice nurse and wrote about a dog named poo or a bear named poo. And not a great choice for a kid's book character. Really tacky, actually. Really tacky choice. Pooh. I wonder if he wrestled with him and went, one day, stool the bear. One day, shithead. It's not quite there.

One day manure the bear. Turn. One day loaf. The bear. That's kind of a cute name. Yeah. Loaf is cute. Winnie the loaf.

Winnie the loaf. Funny little stuffy little stuffed with fluff. He's Winnie the loaf. Hoof, Winnie. And does he eat honey in this world? No. It's something else. Butter or something.

He eats butter. Of bread. I guess you could put honey on it. Are we getting too dirty? Let's move on. rabies so you don't i've never i've never had rabies okay okay um are you i've never been had rabies i mean i got a little defensive yeah you did very jumping and notice i said had which doesn't mean i don't have it now does it seem like i'm rabid a little you're the frothing isn't

good probably i wonder if i have very aggressive look at my shoe would you say I have a lucky rabid foot. Oh, my God. I have to go. Do you have to go? I figured after that you'd have to leave. Yeah, I got to go. Wow, this was good.

Thank you for dropping by. Oh, my gosh. I was just in the neighborhood. Oh, please don't get flocked on the way home. Cog fucks. God. Let me throw this at you. Okay.

Vanessa. Yes, my one. You're the last person on earth, okay? Everything, for whatever reason. and it's gone haywire, right? It's like the bombs went off, a virus, whatever. You're wandering around alone. Yeah.

One other person shows up. What would you rather have this person be? A mathematician, an architect, an engineer, an artist, or a chef. Hey, everybody, who wants to have better sex? No? Yes, yes. The answer is yes. You always want to have better sex.

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That's Harland, H-A-R-L-A-N-D at Adam and Eve.com. This is an exclusive offer specific to this podcast so be sure to use this code harland so you get your discount and a hundred percent free shipping code harland have fun don't throw your back out this is a great question yeah and you're gonna be you know you presumably you're going to wander around this will be you know this will be your better half now that you found them finally yeah sad sad dystopian mess yeah i guess i mean is it the tacky choice to say chef it might be the tacky choice chef interesting why why did you go there because of food being good yeah you know and i guess yeah i guess a chef whipping up like a burnt dog leg on the side of the road or a witch or something yeah nice zombie souffle things i would have never

thought of on my own some carry-on pudding oh yeah which is just intestines that are already rotting right um how interesting choice chef i think it's a basic choice i feel bad I should have chosen something else. No, that's interesting. It's probably primal because food, when you're in a situation like that that's so desolate and barren and food's probably the most primal response. And I'm thinking my other options, okay, if we're the last people on Earth, there's not really much hope. I mean, maybe we could procreate, but even then that's going to die out fast because it'll all be incest. So you don't really need to like try to save anything.

just need to make it through the day. That's true. And his chef's personality is probably very passionate and very like, he does it for the love of it. Whereas maybe a mathematician or an architect

was pushed into it by their parents and they're unhappy and now you're stuck with them. No, thanks. See, that's a great answer because the way you put it makes total sense. I probably would have drifted

towards engineer. So they can figure out. Just so like they can figure out shelters and things. But then you put it right when you said, look, there's really nothing to, there's nothing around.

anymore. Better just try to have fun. Yeah. And I want to eat well if it's possible in this. Can you imagine just sitting out in a burnt out building with a delicious like pheasant under glass or a... Yeah, suddenly it's absurd and interesting instead of just sad. It's like

can you believe I'm having the best meal of my life after the apocalypse? Oh, just like truffled potatoes and delicious Danish casserole while sitting on a pile of dead bodies or something? Yeah, so nice. And you can

I mean there's that show Have you watched that Last Man on Earth? No Oh the with the Will Forte Is that his name? Yeah Is it good?

It's very good Well yeah I will say as a whole It's very good You know It's got its ups and dump Yeah yeah But it does

It does feel a little fun To imagine Being able to go into Any house you want Or do anything That would be cool Yeah Just like okay

I mean you would also be So very sad And empty Yeah yeah But anything to get through What would you do if you went into people's houses, do you think? Just clean. You'd clean their houses after the apocalypse.

Yeah, I think it would be just a way to go. Oh, like Pledge? Better, yeah. And Fibri, would you Fibrize? I think the stench will be in too deep. But I would do the surfaces, I would do the floors. Yeah, like polish and wax. Yeah, all of it.

Pledge. For sure, that delicious pine scent. Oh. Lemon Pledge. Lemon Pledge. Ooh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, there's like a.

dead rotting corpse in the corner and you pledged the coffee table. Don't worry. Everything's going to be just fine. Oh, wow. I could have all the nicest appliances in the world. Wow. Dyson's everywhere. Sucking up dog fur from long dog dead dogs. Yeah.

Are you okay? I'm not sad. I'm happy because your answer surprised me. It's not the one I would have gone for, but I loved. That's why I asked it because I thought, whatever the answer is there'll be some interesting reasoning behind it and i liked where you went with that thank you very much caught me off guard oh um now going back to today's world where we're all alive and we're functioning and we're happy and we're having fun what's the best date you've ever been

on and this can go back to high school this can go back to when you're a teenager do you remember it isn't it now that i don't have something that springs to mind really you don't have one like I'll talk a little so maybe you can check your memory bags, but I'm thinking was there a date that took place in a romantic setting or an exotic place or with a super special person, even if it didn't work out with them. Maybe you were there and had a moment. Yeah, I feel like for me, I don't have a great memory in general.

I sort of like block things out very quickly. But I've had so many lovely relationships. And it's like, but probably the memory that would be the best one would be closer to the first because those things always make a bigger impression. Right. When it's new, right? And you've never experienced love. Yeah, it's like the feelings are so.

Yeah. I was thinking about that recently. Like, to be a teenager is so crazy. Yeah. Because you're just so full of like, people can feel like this. Yeah. Cracks you open in the craziest, most intense way. So of course all teenagers are insane.

They're like just, it's not just hormones. Everyone's like hormones. No, it's not hormones. They haven't experienced the best. bad things are reality yet. So it's just like that adrenaline high. This is good. So it's amazing.

In there. I'm thinking I think there was something in high school. Chris Campbell, if you're listening, you're a great guy. Chris Campbell. Sweetest person. So a Scottish kid. Yeah. Right from Scotland.

He was such a sweet, sweet boyfriend. But I think the most fun thing was I went away one summer to like governor's school. Have you heard of that? governor's school yeah what's that i i don't know if it's just i was in virginia for this i don't know if it's a virginia thing but it's like sort of often arts or sciences but like little magnet programs kind of and so i went for this playwriting one that's what it was for okay it's just like i spent the summer in the city and it was so fun yeah but he like drove to the city and we went out

to a restaurant it felt like the most adult thing yeah yeah how old were you 17 oh that's a good good age oh and i was excited and i was excited and i was excited to like because at the end of the night I went back to my dorm room not my house and my friends were there it was I guess it was like almost having a college experience in high school and it was very exciting so that was good I remember like getting excited about getting dressed like oh we're going to a restaurant the grown-ups got but I didn't say that because I was 17 was it was a fancy restaurant no but it wasn't the olive garden but it was it was like for where you were at in life it was it was nice it was because in our town we lived in a really little town like the good restaurant was the olive garden oh wow it was like a good restaurant so this was like we went to a nice little cool restaurant it was so fun but not the olive garden not so that means if the olive garden is the best you went to a place one notch below olive garden oh above oh above yeah for sure oh wow my my uh maybe you're at the pimento garden Better than the olive garden.

Oh, nice. Yeah, but no free breadsticks at this shit. Oh, wow. On that note, I mean, you know, you're talking about those first experiences. And this one was always awkward for me. But do you remember the first time you French kissed with the dude? Yes, horrible. Did you get it?

Or was it like, was there drool and tongues all over the place? It was the worst. Yeah. And the world. I feel comfortable saying it was the worst in the world. I think it was for every kid almost. I think mine was worse. What happened when you were the first braces?

Oh boy. Rubber bands in. Whoa. I didn't know it was coming when it was coming. The tongue? The guy's tongue? Yeah. Like the whole experience because we were just newly dating.

Yeah. And we were in the barn. I had just scoop some sweet feed for my horse. And then I like turn around and it's like, oh no, no, no, no what's happening? And I'm like, my tongue is like trying to undo the rubber bands, you know? Like I'm panicking trying to like unhook the rubber bands. Oh, well, the rubber bands. Oh, well, the rubber bands.

Oh, well, the rubber bands. Oh, well, the rubber bands. rubber bands holding your mouth shut like on the side on the side right and so like oh no like I just felt such intense wow and the smell of sweet beat is burned in my head so you're first also not good I'm not gonna name his name yeah was it was it all over the place like slobber it was like tongue like a jackhammer just bam bam bam like so aggressive oh I mean but he wasn't an aggressive person it was just he didn't know we didn't know what we were doing too bad you didn't know how to manipulate your elastics and you could have like shot them at his tongue like oh and he would have thought

out or thought that it was sparks yeah spark it's like oh wow bow bow bow bow i don't know if i've met a lot of people who can say their first french kiss was in a barn yeah that's pretty good were they were their livestock during the french kiss my horse was waiting for his food so there was a horse but he wasn't in the stall where i was getting the food so there was no animals in the barn during the makeout. No witnesses. Okay, okay. And my face, I remember, was not like,

I used to blush horribly, like really confident in plays and things like that. I had to do things like that and really shy in class. And this was like, my skin was on fire. And I was like, my parents are going to know. They're going to know because I can't come down from this right now. You know, it would have been the best

if in the middle of that aggressive French kiss, you got flocked. Like that giant cock flew down. The big cock flew down and just attacked both your faces. And then its claws got caught in your braces. Oh, that's the worst thought. A chicken with its foot stuck in your braces. Yeah.

Yeah. Very claustrophobic and afraid. Yeah. Very scared, frightening, alone. Yeah, all those things. That's my TV show. I'm pitching. It is.

Yeah. And naked. Very naked, frightened, scared. and alone than smelly um featuring so did this did this uh this french kiss guy did it ever evolve into a relationship or we were already boyfriend girlfriend oh really it was very like uh you want to go out with me like that kind of thing yeah yeah yeah going out high school stuff yeah but it didn't last long after that kit did it kind of turn you off you're like oh this guy's not very passionate i mean i didn't know what to expect so i was more just like hey don't think

this is for me like it didn't even as a teen it didn't get you fired up oh no okay yeah then it's it's dead confusing to me like what is because he was really cute i mean not he had the farm boy he had the short end of the stick for sure in terms of the looks department he was so cute but was he did he have overalls on yeah he's barefoot and he kept the straw in his mouth the whole oh that's what it was oh that was the straw nothing tongue yeah yeah i remember the first time I went and I didn't know how to neither of us knew how to manage the air in your mouth

and so when we were kissing well this was when I was like 17 or whatever and you know it was probably this girl's first time make it out my first time and we didn't really know how to manage you know the air in our mouth so when we'd make the seal the air would be in our cheeks like

you know a chipmunk store nuts and so when we pressed together it would like seep out and be like we'd be making fart noises with our mind. As we're making out, it was horrible. It doesn't sound good. Yeah, I was like... Were you in a barn? No, we were on a beach.

Near the all? Around a campfire. Oh, well, that's really good, though. It was... That's very good. It was hot, but I could tell we were both morons at kissing, but it was still steamy and hot. At least we had the passion, okay?

Here's a quickie, and this is just a real quick answer. Okay. You know, probably five words or less. Then we'll move on to some of the bigger ones. Here's the quickie for Vanessa Ragland right here. Do walruses use their tusks to open canned goods, or do they use a can opener? Real quickie here.

They use their tusks. Okay, good. That's correct. Here's a, this question is going to get your blood pressure up. Oh, no. Yeah. You're on a plane. Okay. Everyone can relate to this.

Terrorist stands up and says he's taken over the plane. In all likelihood, it's not going to end well. What do you do? I stop him with like cool moves. You do? Like, are you going to French kiss them? Yeah. I'm going to whip out on the tongue and just see what I do.

Get the elastics from your gums and. I think I could do some kicks maybe. What do you do? Really, you're sitting there, but this is real. It's so scary. Isn't it horrible? Yeah, it's very horrible. What do you do?

It's a shame they make you ask these. I know, it's wild, right? But remember, you're kind of the voice of a lot of people listening right now because people are probably going, what would I do? I mean, what do you do? You just are so sad. Well, do you resign yourself to the fate of this guy, or do you formulate a plan? Do you make some kind of exit strategy?

Do you get aggressive? Well, you know, maybe that could be good. If I'm in an exit row, I can pull that thing, maybe. I don't know how that thing works exactly. You just pull it. But would that do something? I don't know. This is your plan.

You tell me. Oh, you know what? I'm, guess what I am on the plane? What? The air marshal, so I have a gun. No, no, you can't. You're you. You're just a citizen.

You're just a beautiful citizen, Vanessa Raglan, sitting there. You're not even in the exit row. I think I throw something at their head maybe. You would. Okay. Like, but I don't know what. And it will just. just get me shot very quickly, but

I feel like I would do some scary thing and try to hide under my seat until everyone dies. Really? And if there's any little people try to get them under seats. But I know if he's going to take us down, we're all dying. Or are you? Unless there's an intervention. That's why I'm asking. Do you

think you can prevent it? Do you think there's something you can do? Or do you just sit there and wait for the inevitable? I mean, maybe you can make allies with people and then you can group together and just mob the person Like that could work

If you start So would you be the one to organize that? Would you be the instigator? Maybe I mean now I feel like I would If I had been on a plane Yesterday and this happened I wouldn't It would have been a chicken shit

But now that we're talking about it You would have just sat there? Yeah I'm like well why would you Why would you just sit there? There's only a chance that there's only a slight chance That something that will not happen Right If you do something

If you don't do anything you're 100% Right Yeah So I should do something. So that's why I'm asking you to get into that mindset and see if, you know, this is like it's almost like if you're lost in the forest, what are your survival instincts? How do they kick in, but you're on a plane? You know what I might do?

Like a seizure. I don't think. Oh, there you go. That's always what I think I would do if someone was attacking me on the street. Like I would just like, just try to terrify them with. You're having a, yeah, that's a good idea. Because I think that would freak someone out, like an attacker. I think that would freak someone out because they don't want to be around a person that might die.

And they don't want to be blamed for it And also that wouldn't be very fun To have your way with like a convulsing Spitting person So maybe I would use that tactic on here too Because it could distract the person long enough That maybe somebody powerful could do a power move It's interesting you said that

Because that's what I thought You know if it happened to me My first instinct would just to be like Hell no I've had enough of this stuff I would just like fly over the seats And you know rugby tackle the guy but that could get me shot in mid-air.

So then I thought, what if I'm being like strategic and it's funny that you said the seizure thing because, and with no offense to the mentally challenged, but I thought, what if I kind of, because we do acting, what if I was in a convincing way, able to kind of act like I was maybe mentally challenged and kind of oblivious to the terror

and kind of at some point just stood up and pretended I need to go to the bathroom when the guy like kind of reprimanded me I'd just be like kind of like I would pretend I don't know what you you know what I mean

and then at the when he leased it just fucking hammer him and break his neck but use my acting ability I think that is the way to do it and for the listeners I think it is a good plan like you may not have strength

but you can be distracting in an unusual way you got to use your cunning not by a screaming person not by crying person that's what they expect they're ready for that they're not ready

for the kind of crazy you might be able to serve up. Exactly. That's a good plan. I like yours because you are a big person. And it would just be kind of sad at first. And then boom. Ooh, exciting. Because I think that, you know, people are,

it's like your seizure. People are thrown off by stuff they're not used to or comfortable with. So a terrorist first inclination of he saw a mentally challenged guy, like kind of stumbling up the alley might not go, oh, I must kill this guy. He might even have a shred of compassion in his heart. And be, okay, let the guy go to the bathroom. He's not going to hurt anyone.

Wham, just break his effing neck. Right? Yeah, I think this is a good plan. If we're on the same plane, it can be in cahoots. Yeah. I can seize. He's looking over there. You get up.

You have to pee yourself so that it looks like it's real or spill some water on your crotch. Yeah. To paint a picture. Seiz your. girl and mental guy save the world saved the world yeah that's another great dr suez book suet yes do you know there's a suez canal i'm heard of it but i've never traveled in is it named after dr suez for sure what else do we named after i don't know that's what i'm asking um let's go to oh let's go to our um our game okay are you ready no

This is a game we play with all our guests on the Harland Highway. It's a simple game. It's four questions. Too soon or not too soon is the only two answers. So you should do really well at it. I'll ask you the questions and you have to kind of do it. You have to answer like too soon or not too soon. You ready?

Vanessa Raglan. Here we go. question number one for too soon or not too soon olive gardens all you can eat breadsticks is getting old and they now have a new campaign all you can gargle old people's skinflaked bath water too soon or not too soon

oh no I was wrong did you really write that question yeah about the olive garden unbeknownst that we would be talking about the olive garden Let me wrinkle the paper So the Right there Oh yeah right there on that piece of paper

But unfortunately you didn't get the answer right You're ready for number two Still got three to go Okay Too soon or not too soon Question number two Smokey the Bear is looking pretty good these days Since he represents forest fires

Should someone cover him in barbecue starter fluid and Exxon Ultra Supreme Gasoline and throw a burning chair at him. Too soon or not too soon? Too soon. Correct. Yay!

Correct. I was nervous about that. Nice. Nice. It's a beautiful question. Good. You got one. You're tied.

Third question. Number three. With more and more conjoined twins being born. Should Walmart start selling three foot wide bicycle helmets too soon or not too soon? Not too soon. Oh, have they all too soon? You tell me. I mean, how is that too soon?

I feel like that's great timing and Walmart should. It really is too soon. Let's keep our little clusters safe. Too soon. Okay. I'm sorry. You're back in the dog house. All right. All you can do is tie.

All you can do is tie. I can't even win unless I have a seizure. Ooh. Oh, she's having a siege. Do I win? I better call Dr. Suez. All right, here we go. Last question, too soon or not too soon.

With all the political correctness in the world these days, should a dog have to be present in the room and be forced to watch and even possibly join in When people do it doggy style. Too soon or not too soon? Can I have a hint? Huh? Can I have a clue?

Yes. Doggy style is a sexual act. No, no, no. Is it too soon or not too soon? I cannot help you with that. Was that a clue? That was not a clue. I cannot help you.

Too soon. Not too soon. Sorry. Wrong. It's too soon. You have the answers written down there. Yeah, I'm sorry. You got one right.

Oh, well, great for me. Yeah, you got the Smoky, the Bear one, throwing the burning couch. I just felt wrong. Yeah. Man. I know, I'm sorry. It's okay. You tried.

I really did. You gave it a good try. I brought my whole self to the whole thing. You committed. You really, you thought them out. You didn't rush. And you gave me a fake clue. I did?

Yeah, he said not in your answer. Oh, I. Not give me a clue. Not too soon. Oh, man. No, that was not the clue. All right. Well, we are down towards the end of our wonderful interview, but we're going to end it.

Oh. And this could be tough. Now, this is called the last obnoxious question. And you can decide to answer it or not answer it. And it's going to be obnoxious. It's kind of as if two guys were sitting around the campfire talking about. about shit, you know? Just like guy talk.

And I think girls do this to a degree too. So don't be offended. You can decide not to do it or do it. Well, I'm so interested. All right. I'm going to decide to participate. Oh, you are? Yeah.

Okay. Here it is. But I'm still in charge here and I can say no if I don't want to. Yeah, you can, and by the way, even if you say it's your answer can be so small that it's almost like a no. Okay. But we're going to ask it and remember it's obnoxious and I hate to even do it to a beautiful lady but it's part of pushing the parameters of the Harlan Highway.

Of course. And pushing our guests. And what else are you going to do? Too soon. Here it is. Have you ever thrown or stuck a used tampon at anyone or anyone or anything? thing oh yeah just a couple of guys sitting around the campfire i know it's horrible i feel horrible but it's the type you know when you're a kid hey bro yeah right because if it was guys who had

their periods you know they'd be like bro i just threw my tampon at an owl dude it's stuck right to its head i have great news i can answer this yes honestly honestly i have not done that okay I'm almost relieved. I'm completely relieved. I appreciate that you were willing to go there, but I'm almost relieved because you're such a wonderful elegantly. But I know if you did have one, it would probably have been wild and funny, but.

Oh, but it would be so. It would be horrible. It would be obnoxious. I could never recover. My image? Do you know my brand? I don't even want to visualize it. My brand would be wrecked.

But I'll, no one would be buying my lotion. No one would buy it. You'd be done in this town. Oh, God. But people listening would be riveted. People would be sitting. You know how little kids used to sit by their radios back in the 30s and listen to Dick Tracy?

And were there little decoder rings? Yeah. People would be going, oh, my God. What did she throw her used tampon at? Have you thrown a use tampon? No. But I haven't had my first period yet. Oh, okay.

Well, when you do... When I do, I probably will. I'll probably swirl it around and throw it at like a crow or something. Birds are the owl. Yeah, why am I throwing them at birds? Why am I mad of birds? Maybe a waiter. Maybe a waiter.

That's better. At the cheesecake factory. Hey, slow ass. I know. Isn't it nice that Vanessa Ragland didn't even have an answer for that? It's good, but I had to do it. A true woman. You are, classy, beautiful, wonderful lady.

Did you have fun here on the Harlan Highway? I did. All right. Now, before you go, I want people to be able to, you know, find out where you are, what you're doing. I know you have your own amazing podcast. Oh, thank you. Please, please tell the folks how they can get you on social media, how they can get your podcast. All the things. I have a podcast called Pop My Culture Podcast with Cole Stratton.

And you can find that on the internet at www.potmyculturepodcast.com. I have a podcast with my friend Jamie Flam called Van Jam. Vanjam Life.com. We're just kicking that one off. Wow. And Jamie and I in November are going to start to do a weekly show at the Hollywood Improv. So if you're in town, you should come by on Friday nights. I'll have more details about that, I'm sure, on my Twitter, which is at Vanessa Ragland.

And the show at the Improv will be like a stand-up comedy show or like a variety show? Like a variety show. Oh, awesome. Oh, yeah. We'd love to have you on, Harlan. Ooh. And do you sing and stuff? We do it all.

all at some level of competency. It's the most fun and the happiest. So that's really exciting. I guess those are the most of the things. And then I do a show in Santa Monica that you guessed it on. You were amazing. It's called Pretty Pretty Pony. And it's every like, oh, I'm so bad at this. It's on Mondays every once in a while. Check it out. Yeah. You could also find out about that on my Twitter, I'm sure. I'll say when I'm going to do that. Yeah. Yeah. And so many other things and my personal phone number oh yeah give them that 310 62480 certain yeah i think i got it i'll i'll give it to them later it sounds like you had a little hiccup there no no no that's my that's a little seizure but i'm coasting through okay i'll give it i'll make it clear to them later you know

after you leave i'll add a little make your phone number very very easy to act like a one-click situation yeah um well there she is folks unbelievable classy right to the end even rolled right through the last obnoxious which i hated to ask but you got to i mean you work for the guy and he's an asshole you got to do what he says i have to yeah my boss mr featherstone up on the 12th floor ass munch but i don't love this building by the way you don't it's soulless yeah it's solace probably because of him he's an ass munch um folks look her up listen to her podcast and uh Vanessa thank you so much for visiting the Harland highway thank you so much for having me on the highway now I'm going my way oh we have to end with a prayer oh yeah okay oh my god do you want to lead

the prayer uh we can go either way okay why don't you everyone close their eyes why don't you everyone close their eyes okay I'm closing my eyes take a nice deep breath And think of the dragon God and how his fire engulfs us all. May we all hold up everything that needs to be scorched. May it be scorched, but leave our hands as soft as satin. Amen. Unbelievable. I love it.

Thanks for letting me talk about my religion. So spiritual right at the end. Yeah, I know. It's a little weird, but hey, I am who I am. Oh, that was, that was empowering. I hope so. Thank you, Vanessa. Mm-hmm.

Oh, there she is, Vanessa Ragland, ladies and gentlemen. I hope you enjoyed my little chat, my fireside chat with Vanessa. What a, what a treat. What a out-and-out treat. So that's the show. Let's move on to, let's move on to some announcements. here. Starting tonight. Oh, yes, tonight, ladies and gurgleblagins. I will be in Portland, Oregon, or Portland oregano, however spicy you want it, right next to Nutmeg, the state of Nutmeg. I will be at the

Helium Comedy Club, October 8th. This is tonight Thursday through the 11th, which is Sunday. helium comedy club in Portland, Oregon. Get your tickets at Harlan Williams.com. And then two weeks later, October 23 and 24, Friday and Saturday only, I will be in Denver, Colorado at the Comedy Works. What a treat. What a tasty treat. So I look forward to seeing you guys there.

As I said, tickets available at Harlan Williams.com. Just click on my stand-up comedy link. While you're there, you know, check out the Harland Highway merch store. All kinds of fun gifts there for you. What else can I tell you? You can leave me a message there if you want. Or you can write me. Well, I guess that's the same as leaving a message.

But you can write me a message or you can leave me a voice message. There's a contact link on. the page, but there's also a phone number, 323-739-4330. And feel free to phone and leave me a message, for God's sakes, if you want. So there you go. October 8th through the 11th, Portland, Oregon at Helium, in October 23 and 24, Denver, Colorado at the Comedy Works. And that's it.

Don't forget to get the new app, the Harland Highway, app on Android and Apple just go to your app store on your phone and type in the Harland Highway and there's an app player it's real easy to use it's really convenient you'll never miss another episode of the Harland Highway there's also a way for you to sign up for premium membership where you'll get all the backlogged episodes you'll also get premium content special stuff I'm going to be recording and all kinds of stuff. I'll tell you more as that comes out.

So thanks for being here. Again, my thanks to Vanessa Ragland. Hope you enjoyed it, guys. And until next time, chicken chalmy, baby. A cock. I was cock flocked.