The Harland Highway - 717 - THE THANKSGIVING DAY PARADE and other juicy Thanksgiving topics

Episode Date: November 23, 2015

Don't miss John & John as they call out the 79th Harland Highway Thanksgiving Parade. Lots of colorful floats and bands, one of the most festive shows of the year. It's all about Thanksgiving on today's wonderful show. Gobble a bobblehead!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

That's Turkey for Welcome to the Harland Highway podcast. Yeah, I was speaking in Turkey because it's, you know, it's Thanksgiving. This is our Thanksgiving show, everybody. I know Thanksgiving is a few days away, but we like to drop the Thanksgiving show early so you can kind of enjoy it and let it marinate and get in your head and help you with the buildup and the anticipation of the big day, which is coming up. So today, unbelievable, we're going to, of course, be doing the Harland Highway Thanksgiving Day parade where John Walters and John starters will be covering the parade. It's going to be, you know, I always promised to be very fun and family-oriented and you're going to love it.

So looking forward to that. Also, we're going to be talking about Thanksgiving, talking about the holiday itself. Does it make you feel awkward? Does it make you feel happy? Does it cause anxiety for you? We're going to be talking about that because some people it kind of goes the other way. It's supposed to be all joyous and fun and friendly,

but some people just get freaked. Also, I'm going to give a stab at trying to create what I call Thanksgiving Day carols. Okay, Thanksgiving carols, because we have Christmas carols, so I'm going to try some Thanksgiving carols. It's all happening. We give thanks on this great day. The Harland Highway.

Where am I? What is this? Some kind of a joke or something? Welcome to the Harland Highway. What you're talking about Williams? Son, you got a panty on your head. Shut up and sit down, you big ball fuck. Oh, God, what's happening here?

What's happening? Hey, Harland, it's shall leave. You just made a wrong turn. On to the Harland Highway. We choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other thing. Not because they are easy, but because they are hard. It is fantastic. That's wrong with everybody in this crazy place.

The Harland Highway. What is it? The opening. To what? To another dimension. This is Harland Williams. You're a bad man. You're a very bad man.

That is fantastic. It's beginning to look a lot like Thanksgiving. I wonder why they don't have Thanksgiving carols. I mean, we got Christmas carols. Is it too much? Can we not handle it? Oh, the turkey's in the oven. It's basting and it's brown.

The kids are in the toilet. I think I'll flush them down. No, no, okay. That's why we don't have Thanksgiving carols. Maybe you want to start a whole new industry and do like Thanksgiving carol? Why not? You know, they've already started playing Christmas carols. They started playing them like a week ago.

And maybe we can create a new industry. They start playing the Thanksgiving carols right after Halloween. They play those up to Thanksgiving. And then right after Thanksgiving, they start the Christmas carols. That way we're not getting the Christmas carols before Thanksgiving's even been celebrated. Everyone gather around for stuffing, stuffing, stuffing, stuffing, stuffing. Do you want white meat? Do you want dark meat? I just want some stuffing.

Shalala la la la la la la la la la la la la la no. No? No one's going with this. Everyone loves fresh cranberries Cranberry No? I can't believe you're not Nobody's going along with this Oh, fat guy on the couch with a beer belly Watching lots of football and his feet are smelly

Oh fat guy, no Folks, I'm talking about Thanksgiving carols here. Okay, I'm moving on. Clearly, you're not enthused. I tried. I tried. I really, really tried. Let's drive home after Thanksgiving turkey.

Thanksgiving turkey. Thanksgiving turkey, thanks, spring, furtie. I feel sleepy because the turkey's full of Trecta chlorophyllin, and I fell asleep at the wheel. Oh, I rolled the minivan. When I killed the children, I hit an old lady and drove through them all. Thanksgiving chlorophyll or whatever the chemical is in turkeys, I fell asleep at the wheel. Yeah, maybe not.

Okay. Moving on, what we do have for Thanksgiving, though, which is a tradition. And I hope you have fun today. Here at the Harland Highway, we always have the Harland Highway Thanksgiving Day parade. It's happening out there on the street right now. I don't think the floats have started coming down yet, but every year we throw to our color commentators, John Waters and John Starter,

and these two guys have been covering the parade faithfully for decades, and we're going to go to them, and let's have some fun. Let's enjoy the Thanksgiving Day parade. And Roger, are you patching through to John and John? okay this is great folks happy thanksgiving i'll check in with you throughout the show but for now let's go to john waters and john starter uh over on the harland highway i think it's the uh 22nd annual thanksgiving day harland highway parade uh take it away uh roger patch him through

well here we go harland uh thank you very much for uh having us back today for the 43rd annual Harland Highway Thanksgiving Day Parade. And wow, what a day. I'm John Waters, and I'm here with my sidekick for many years, John starters. John? Yes, John. It's great to be here, a wonderful day. The sun is shining, barely a cloud in the sky.

I just saw a formation of geese fly over. I'm assuming they're heading south for the season, and all I can say is I hope this parade doesn't head south the way it has so many times in the past where it's not really working. Well, John, let's not strike a negative cord as our band, as you can hear our street band down there striking up a cord. I think we've got to have a lot of fun floats.

There's certainly a giant, giant assembly of people down here this year, and they're lighting the sidewalks. I see some kids down there waving some flags. Just a wonderful, wonderful turnout. Oh, wow, man. Yes, John, children, adults. I even see some old people lighting the curb, sitting very close to the edge of the road

where the giant floats go by some of them are in wheelchairs and I'm afraid I already smell trouble Well now what do you mean by that John Well every year we seem to have Some very severe accidents People getting run over crushed maimed

dismembered We don't have a great track record here At the Harland Highway Thanksgiving parade And I don't expect this year to be any different, I'm afraid it's probably not really working, John. Well, now, hold on, John. I think every year you come in there, and you kind of have this gray cloud floating over your head, if you don't mind me saying. Well, maybe I do mind you saying.

You know, that's not a gray cloud over my head that's airing on the side of caution, John. Well, okay, but I don't want to get into an argument over semantics with you here, John, on this very special festive day. There's nothing wrong with having safety first, even on a day just like this, where it usually ends up not really working. All right, well, let's not have apples and oranges. How about lemons and lemons, which is what this parade probably will be, John, one big, stinking sour lemon, rotten to the seeds, and dropping off the tree and splattering all over the sidewalk. All right, John. Now, let's get ready for our very first float. Coming down the street, here it comes. You can hear the commotion. You can hear the music. Oh, my God, this is a first

time entrant into the Thanksgiving Day parade. It looks like we have Captain Redbeard seafood, restaurant. Oh my God. Not really the thing you think about when you're thinking about Thanksgiving, John. Well, what do you mean there, John? Thanksgiving is a time for stuffing, for turkey, for cranberries and gravy. Why in the name of sweet, holy crab crackers, are we having a seafood float? Well, you know, I can't say I'm against it as I see coming around the corner, this beautiful float. There's a giant, it looks like a giant cod on the top of it, and some children walking around beside the float. It looks like they're dressed like shrimp poppers and crab puffs, John. Well, you know, shrimp poppers and crab puffs, maybe not the best thing to kick up.

off the Thanksgiving season. I mean, seriously, the crab puffs, these children look like they're, I don't know if you've ever seen a tampon after it's been dropped in toilet water, but these kids just look like a puffed

up cotton from a dirty old tampon. Well, now, John, I don't know if that's really the right comparison. And as for the shrimp poppers, I mean, good Lord, the children, they're all pink, and twist it up.

They look like an old bag's arthritic finger after she's picked a prune seat out of her crinkled up anus hole. Now, John, let's give the children a chance down here. Well, I'm just calling it as I see it. Shrimpoppers and crab puffs. Not really working, John. Well, they sure look cute to me,

and the crowd really seems to be enjoying them. Oh, really? Well, how come that fat guy just ran out onto the road? Oh, my God, it looks like he's biting into one of the shrimp popper kids. Well, it does look like there's a bit of an assault going on down there, John. Oh, there goes another one. It's like watching the Walking Dead. Oh, like seven or eight fat people have darted from the crowd.

If you can call fat people darting. Well, what would you call it, John? I would say it's flubbering. You get their fat bellies rolling And the momentum pulls them along Fat people can't run The way a bear can't blow a fart bubble In a windstorm

Well, John, you know No, nothing That child down there is being eaten alive In a shrimp popper costume And oh my God, I just saw one of the fatties Take a bite out of a crab puff child Well, John, you know, sometimes Things don't always

Thing shmings. I don't want children dressed as crab poppers and shrimp puffs getting eaten alive by fat people in the crowd who don't have the common courtesy to spend $2 on a bag of popcorn. Leave the children dressed as crab puffs and shrimp poppers alone. They're just here to celebrate. This float and this segment of the parade is not really working. Well, John, you know, I don't know.

know if I can argue with you there. We do hate to see the children consumed by some of the larger people in the audience, as they say. Larger my ass. These are fat, blubbered out pigs who should have had a giant club sandwich before they left for the parade. Stop eating the children, whether they're dressed as shrimp poppers or crab puffs. Go, go over to Black Angus and have yourself a roast beef, you fat slobs. Okay, John, well, we're going to take a break. We'll be back with our next float here at the 79th Harland Highway Thanksgiving Day Parade. And it's not really working, John.

Okay, we got it, John, and folks, we'll be right back. Not really working. I'm at the airport on the busiest day. of the year. My flight's been delayed and I'm surrounded by fat, smelly families at Terminal 3.

Thanksgiving family... No, no, not, not... You're still not going for the Thanksgiving carols? I'm trying. I'm trying, gang. Hey, I want to take a moment. Every Thanksgiving, I like to do this. I like to say thank you.

Thank you to you guys, all the pavement pounders, all the listeners. I like to say thank you for, you know, tuning into the show, being part of the Harland Highway experience, supporting the podcast, listening. I give thanks to the powers of the be that inspire me to do this show, that give me the ability to do this show. and I give thanks that we have each other. And that's from the heart. I wanted to just relay that to you, you folks listening. And, you know, it's good to be alive, as I said earlier. It's good to be able to share and give thanks for all the good things that are going on in our lives.

And I thought I'd bring this up, because this has happened to me in the past. Maybe it's happened to you. As much as I think everyone loves Thanksgiving and all the hubbabaloo or hullabaloo that goes with it, I wonder if there's people listening. There's people right now tuning in that kind of get freaked out by Thanksgiving. Hey, everybody. Who wants to have better sex? No? Yes? The answer is yes. You always want to have better sex. That's what you want it to be better, not worse. Trust me. And Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item plus free shipping. And more than that, Adam and Eve wants to make your life easy. They offer discrete shipping as your privacy is a priority. Plus 100% free shipping on your entire order. Doesn't matter how much you spend or what you buy. I will be packaged and sent discreet.

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Don't throw your back out. Instead of like being excited and looking forward to meeting people and sharing with family and friends, I have a feeling there's people out there that get overwhelmed by it and get a lot of anxiety over it. because there's been years where that's happened to me you know sometimes it happens at christmas too it's like all this build up and all this all this stuff and all this socializing and all this you know going to people's houses and making food and preparing food and buying gifts and oh my god just make it stop right does that happen to you guys sometimes you just you don't know what to do you kind of get paralyzed.

You get paralyzed with holiday fear. Can that be a name I give it? Holiday fear? You just get kind of locked up. Sometimes like multiple friends will invite you to parties or maybe, you know, you don't know which one to go to. You don't know how to divide up your time. You don't want to offend anyone.

Or maybe you've been asked to, you know, it's one of those things. Everybody bring a dish, okay? we're having a party just everyone's responsible everyone bring a dish and you're like god well you start going well is everyone going to bring stuffing is everyone going to bring turkey is everyone going to bring a salad like what should i bring i don't know i don't want there to be 15 like salads there and suddenly i bring another salad so then you get anxiety and then and then you go oh my god who's going to be there what are there people there i don't like are there There are people I don't want to talk to.

Is it going to be weird? Is it going to be awkward? Is it going to be too many people there? I don't know what to say to everybody. I've had that. I've had holidays where I've just thought, you know, I think as reclusive and as weird as this sounds, I think I might just want to be sitting in my living room alone, eating a bowl of Captain Crunch, watching America's Funniest Home videos.

That's really calming me down. That's really relaxing me. And yes, I'm a social outcast, and I don't have the ability to celebrate with other human beings, but boy, am I calm right now. Oh. But here's the other side of that coin. Okay, where I've had years,

and it's not every year, it's some years, because sometimes I feel like I'm not good at socializing. And I dread it, and I go, oh, well, I'll just go and I'll drop in for five minutes or, oh, I don't really want to go, but I better go. I don't want my friend to be offended or whoever it is, right? And I'll be all full of this anxiety and all this stuff. And then I'll get there. And as I'm walking through the door, I'm like, oh, God, oh God.

And then you walk through the door and people are smiling and people are warm and friendly and they're eating and they greet. Oh, Harland! You know, or whatever your name is John, Daryl, Susan, people hug you, people shake your hand, people are warm and they're in a festive mood. And all of a sudden all that trepidation and all that weird antisocial stuff that you were feeling just like magically disappears. And you kind of remember why these holidays are important because they do kind of bring you close together. and they do make you realize, you know, that social bonds are important. And that even if you're not really close with someone, even if, you know, let's say your friend who you're close with brought five friends

that you're not really close with, they're kind of your peripheral friends because you're friends with your friend. You know what I mean? So they're like kind of more his friends than they are your friends, but you see them. And even those people, it's like, oh, you just feel. like a you know a nice warm group and even if you meet a complete stranger someone who's at the party you've never met there's a there's a festive warmth in the air and even a complete stranger

can make you feel wanted and important and you know just feel good and and you give that back in return so it's really it's really the yin and the yang when when when it comes to these big holiday events. So, you know, if you're feeling apprehensive, if you're feeling weird, tough through it. And I think if you can get there and start enjoying it, I think you'll walk away and you'll have this feeling inside, this warm, mushy feeling going, ah, it's good to be around other people. It's good to be around friends. It's good to even have friends. It's good to share. Or maybe not. Maybe you're like, holy shit, I'm never doing that again. I hate human beings. I'm joining ISIS. Hello, Isis?

Yeah, look, I can't handle it. This Thanksgiving and Christmas thing pushed me over the edge. Where do I sign up? So something to think about. Push on through, folks, and enjoy each other. Meanwhile, speaking of people, let's get back down to the Thanksgiving Day parade with our commentators, John and John. Gentlemen, how are you? Well, thank you, Harlan.

we are doing fantastic out here down on the Harland Highway. We are here for the Harland Highway 43rd annual Thanksgiving Day Parade. I'm John Walters and this is John Starters right here at my side as usual. Thank you, John. And it sure is a nice day, good to be alive until perhaps this next float comes by. Well, hang on, John. He hadn't even announced what it is yet. Let's not jump the gun, shall we?

I wish I had a gun. I'd put it to my temple and blast my brains all over the wall of our little wooden booth up here. That's how much I don't think this next float is really going to be working. Well, John, let me tell the folks what it is. It's a wonderful float, and it looks like we have a beautiful float, corporate float. from the good folks over at mucinex. Oh, my God. Mucinex are...

We know what Mucinex is, John. Mucinex is that disgusting pharmaceutical medicine when people have a mucus-filled cold. They take Mucinex pills to clear the green slime out of their nasal passages and lungs. Well, that's one way to put it, John, but think of all the relief it brings to people. and think of all the misery it brings to people.

Have you seen the commercials they have on television? I do believe I have seen those charming little commercials, John. Charming my sister's crooked leg from polio. All right? John, now listen. No, you listen to me. They've got on those Mucinex commercials, this horrible digitally animated character.

It's a snot creature. Well, I'd say mucus, John. Let's call the snot bag what it is. It's a snot bag. It's a little creature that looks like Shrek left a turd on the side of the road right in front of a merry calendars. Well, now, John, it's a little green snot blob with eyes and a mouth, and it wanders around in these commercials, like Shrek had a fart that somehow formed into a solid and walked right out the front door of a Taco Bell.

John, now listen. No, you listen to me. I look out this wooden booth and I see a giant float coming down the street of a 40-foot-high snot goblin from Musinex. And I feel sick to my stomach. I feel like I almost have Ebola staring at this green, shiny snot goblin.

Now, John, let's not forget that Our corporate sponsors help pay for this wonderful parade. I don't care if they pay for my sister's crooked polio leg to be straightened out in a vice. I do not want to see a 40-foot snot goblin floating down the street right at me or my children. It's not really working, John. Well, now, John, I think I might have to contradict what you're saying. I mean, look at the children down there, having a blast with this giant mucinex mucus doll float. Well, that's because they probably think it's Shrek.

They're both green. If I was DreamWorks, I would sue these snot mongers' asses. The children think it's Shrek. Oh, my God, there's some children running up to it trying to hug the giant snot god. Oh, they're sticking to it. Oh, my God. It's like flies on flypaper, John. Look at the children.

There goes another, a couple, there's a dozen children just stuck to the side of this snot goblin, and there's kicking their legs like flies that have flown into flypaper, John. This is a nightmare of the snottiest proportions. Well, John, I mean, that does look a little dangerous down there, a little dangerous. These things are, these children are stuck to this greener, more than the Jolly Green's giant, balls are stuck to his green underpants. Okay, now John, nothing, John, nothing. This really is not working. Giant floating boogers 40 feet tall don't have a place in the Thanksgiving Day parade. If I want to see a snot goblin,

I'll sneeze into a hanky and rub it on my glasses. Okay, John, I think we've heard just about enough. let's uh let's no let's keep going musinox take your giant boogeyman and walk them down to the lake and flush him in the toilet okay john enough uh i think it's time we uh let's check back in at home base with uh harland williams and uh john and john and i will be back in just a few minutes it's not really working john John, I mean, you've got to calm down a little. I should calm down. Watch this. Let me put my finger up my nose.

You see this? You see this green brick? That's what that thing is out there. John, if you could not pick your nose in the booth. Here comes another one. Look at this. This one's got a hair in it and some blood. What do you think of that for a float?

John, what? Okay, we're still on the air. This is John and John for the Harland Highway Thanksgiving Day, We'll be right back. It's not really working. Hey, hey, the toilet's clogged. The toilet's clogged. The toilet's clogged. The toilet's clogged. Oh, hey, hey, the toilet's clog with a great big Thanksgiving log. A great big Thanksgiving log. Hey, the toilet's clogged. The toilets clogged with a great big fat Thanksgiving log. Cranberries, okay, no. still no to the Thanksgiving carols?

Okay, God, I'm really trying, gang. I'm really trying. Well, hey, I've been listening into the parade. Boy, it really is a little contentious. It seems like John Walters really enjoys everything about the parade, and John Starters just doesn't ever seem to appreciate it. But we bring it to you every year just because, people love to listen to it. The kids love to listen to it. And for those of you,

they can't physically be down there, we enjoy bringing it to you and making you feel a part of it. But, you know, a parade, parade is an interesting thing. You know, you go to prades, and a lot of times you have to jostle for your position in the crowd, in the sidewalk, and people put their children up on their shoulders. And there is a lot of excitement in the air, and it's fun to watch people walk by. One of my favorite things, my parents used to take us to the Santa Claus parade up in Toronto.

And as a little kid, you know, I always appreciated the floats, and I appreciated everything that happened. But there was one thing in particular that still sticks out in my mind, and it used to fascinate me, even though as a kid I was smart enough to figure it out. And, you know, they've got the floats and they've got the cars, but then there's always people walking.

There's always people walking in the parade in costume, right? And there was this one costume, and they'd sprinkle it throughout the parade. So it wasn't just like one guy that went by. It'd be like, you'd see four of them, and then like five floats would go by, and then four more would walk by. and what they'd walk by in their costumes, it was a clown.

Okay, it was a clown with a great big head, a white face with clown paint, and a hat, and the clown shoes and white gloves on the hands. But here's where it got weird is the legs of the clown were sticking up in the air in this costume, and the head of the clown was right down by the pavement and the hands of the clown went over whoever was walking inside of its shoes and basically it looked like these clowns were walking down the road walking on their hands. So just to make it perfectly clear, there were guys inside the costumes walking upright,

walking as normal as you or I would. They'd put these costumes on that looked like it was someone walking on their hands. So the arms, the legs were in the arms, and the clown's legs were sticking way up in the air. And I used to look at it and go, oh, my God, how do those clowns walk on their hands? It was like so amazing to me.

It's like, oh, my God, they're just, how do they, they're not losing their balance, they're walking on their hands, they're looking at me. And even as a kid, I went, Oh, it's a costume. I could see their feet, like their shoes sticking out from under the white clown hands. And even though I kind of knew what it was, I still kind of was mystified and enchanted by it. And in a way, I suspended my knowledge of it and almost tried to pretend that it really was, you know, a bunch of clowns walking on their hands for miles without stopping.

They just had this uncanny ability to walk on their hands for miles and miles and miles and never have to get up on their feet and relax. So that was something I really remember from being at a parade. And, you know, I remember a lot of stuff. But I think for all of us, there's always like certain things that stick out. And for me, it was that kind of weird imagery. And I don't know, just thinking about it kind of conjures up imagery. of me and my mom and my dad and my sisters and us huddled there in our little winter coats and and even above like remembering Santa Claus in the sleigh like I always kind of go back

to these weird clowns that walked on their hands. What's that say about me? Salvador Dally Jr. All right, well enough about me. I think we should get back to the parade. I think we're coming up on the final float for the thanks. Day Parade, the Harlan Highway Thanksgiving Day Parade. I hope you're enjoying it as much as I am, folks. And let's get right back there. John and John, take it away, guys. And I'm telling you, John, one of my sisters had polio in her leg,

and it looks like somebody literally stuffed her leg in a tool shed door and bent it backwards until it looked like a lobster tail. What? We're on. Okay, here we go. oh my goodness hello everybody hello everybody i'm john waters and i'm john starters and we are here at the 93rd annual thanksgiving day harland highway parade yes we are john and it looks like a little bit of cloud cover has come in today but nothing uh nothing too major i don't think it's going to hamper

the festivities here well i would argue what festivities john So far, this braid is just as I called it at the beginning, a giant lemon meringue pie, and it's not really working, John. Well, let's hold on to that thought, John, because we are coming up to our final float here, and what a float it is. It looks like they've saved the best to the end, and it's a wonderful, wonderful float. It looks like a giant coffin, John, from Crawford's Creek. Crematorium. Are you kidding me? The end of a parade is a giant coffin. How morbid is that? Why don't we just drive John F. Kennedy down the street in the parade and have people take shots at the back of his skull cap?

Well, now, John, this is a local business. Crawford's Crematorium has been in the community for a long time. I think we all know about it, and it's the place we don't like to think about. because we know that if we're of Crawford's crematorium, we might as well be hot chocolate powder swirling around in a cup of hot water. Well, now, John, John, don't John me, John. I'm sorry? I said, John, don't John me, John. Okay, I just wasn't clear.

For God's sakes, this is a parade that's supposed to be celebrating life. We're supposed to be giving thanks. And here comes this stiff leading up the end of the parade, a giant coffin being sponsored by Crawford's crematorium. Well, John, everyone has to make a living. Well, isn't that funny? Everyone has to make a living off other people dying. Well, you do have a point there, John.

And what really chaps my pimply ass is you've got people on the side of this float dressed like the grim reaper and they're throwing ashes into the crowd. Well, I do see that. It does seem a little odd. Those are the remains of human beings. They threw them into the crowd. They're throwing burnt, crumpled up bodies, the ashes of people from our own community.

People are coughing. They're breathing in dead bodies from, it could be your neighbor, Mrs. Johnson, or your milkman, or your store clerk, Igabal Hagougu Lalkagaga, over at the 7-Eleven. Who wants to breathe? in the dust of people that have kicked it and should be buried underground, John.

Well, I guess you do have a point, but remember, John, it is a parade, and we celebrate all things. Oh, well, look at that. Should that old lady down there be celebrating? It looks like they just threw some ashes from her dead husband right in her eyes, and now she's rubbing her eyes. She's got cataracts. She can barely see, and it looks like she's stumbled out of her wheelchair, Oh my God, she's gone right under the wheels of the float. Her head just popped like an ostrichag being dropped out of a helicopter, John. Oh, my God, that's horrible. I can see her legs kicking there.

I can see them kicking too. She's got her panty hose that go up to her kneecaps and her little mauve-colored orthopedic foot shoes just kicking as her head. Oh, my God, that is horrible. Well, is it any wonder that she got run over by a float with a coffin on it? Well, she was breathing in her own husband's dead ashes. Well, it is a bit ironic, John. Ironic, my sister's crooked spine, where it looks like somebody dropped a lobster trap on it.

Well, now, John, no, John, it's not really working. To have a crematorium in a parade that should symbolize life is just political. politically incorrect and wrong, wrong, wrong, until the cows come home and sniff their own dirty milk holes. I'm not sure what that means, John. You'll figure it out. Well, John, it looks like this, whether you like it or not, this is the end of our parade, and once again,

it's not really working, John. Well, you know, I liked it very much. I think our listeners enjoyed it, and hopefully we'll be back next year to bring you another Thanksgiving Day parade on the Harland Highway. It wasn't really working, and let me say this for next year's parade in advance, John.

Please, John, go ahead. Next year's parade? Yes, John. It's not really working. Okay, well, that's it for... Oh, my God, look down. They've just run over a night. other old lady and oh my god they've got a barbecue going on the float they're throwing her body

into the fire they're cremating her ashes oh my god okay that's it for us i'm john walters and i'm john starters thank you for joining us on the 49th annual Thanksgiving day parade and until next year we'll say goodbye and we'll say it's not really working just say goodbye john it's not really working just say goodbye It's not really working, John. Goodbye, everybody. It's not really working. Oh, my God, her hair's on fire. Leftovers, leftovers, here we go again.

Another turkey sandwich. It's the 43rd one I've had this week. Oh, leftovers, leftovers, filling up my fridge. I'd want to eat a dead cat's asshole before I tasted any more turkey. all right that was my last attempt at a thanksgiving carol i'm hanging it up guys sorry i had to keep trying um but anyways yeah that's the end of our parade i hope you had a good time boys some very colorful floats and very colorful color color commentary from uh john and john we want to thank john and john for uh for being there for us they do a fantastic job and uh and uh just a

great time of year. So I hope you folks had a good time here today at the Harland Highway, and we'll do it all again next time. What was I going to tell you? Oh yeah, please, if you want to leave any comments or leave any phone messages,

323-739-4330, or you can write me at harlandwilums.com. You can leave a phone message there. And while you're there, check out the Harland-Williams merch store. The link is right there at harlem williams.com.

Be sure to get all your orders for the holidays in as soon as you can so we can mail them out to you and you don't miss out on getting your stuff to put under the tree. We do have a 10-day cutoff period. So if you don't order 10 days before the 25th, you'll still get your order, but you might not get it in time for Christmas. And you don't want that, gang. also please if you haven't heard about it yet sign up for our free app the harland highway app it's on your cell phone

just go to your app store and type in the harland highway and you will be glad that you did you can listen to the show right through your phone and you can join our and you can join our premium package my friends for only $20 a year and it gets you all kinds of bonus material from stand-up shows that I do all over the country to a whole another podcast I do called Let's Have a Fight to special interviews, et cetera, et cetera, all through the year we'll be peppering in some free, not free, but some great bonus premium material for those of you that join. Only $20 a year, that's like going to Burger King twice. The money goes to help support the podcast

And also helps to bring you more stuff to laugh at So hope you get on board The Harland Highway app And I do appreciate it I give thanks for that So there you go everybody Happy Happy Thanksgiving And until next time

Chicken Chao-me Or maybe I should say turkey chalming, baby. Gable, gift, thanks. The pilgrim and his flock Ro, ro, roared to Plymouth Rock to eat turkey. Gaba, guava, guava, gobble, gobble, gavua, gavagga, gau, gau, gauwagua, gauwagua, cahua, cawagua, turkey.

To pilgrim at his feast, young, young, young, eat a bird beast, it called turkey. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go back. Gov, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go to be. Comeo, comeo, gobble, come, go bo, gobble, give back. The keel from and their wives, slice, slice, slice it with their knife. They part, turn to me. Come, come, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. Come on, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.

Thank you.