The Harland Highway - 720 - The bastardizing of AlahAlahackbar. Call ins and artists.
Episode Date: December 3, 2015Today Mr. Fazziztad calls in from the Middle East to discuss the term AlahAlahackbar. A Pavement Pounder calls in and we talk about art. It's smart to fart!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit ...megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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Jingle bells, Batman smells. Robin laid my wife. Wait, whoa, what, what? Hold on.
Hey, everybody, Harland Williams here. Robin did not lay my wife. Welcome to the Harland Highway podcast.
That's where you are. Okay, settle down. That's where you are.
Wild show today. We are going to be talking about Selena Gomez again.
And wait do you see what she leads us into? She leads us.
she kind of leads us into a kind of cultural and interesting place, believe it or not.
Also, we're going to be hearing from a gentleman who called the show before, Mr. Fasestad, from the Middle East,
and he's going to be addressing, you know, the horrible events that have been happening around the world,
the terrorist events, something he's going to be talking to us about the meaning behind Allah Allah Akbar, I believe,
and the connotations behind that.
I'm sure it'll be a very provocative conversation,
a very interesting conversation,
and frankly a conversation that probably needs to be had,
as I don't believe the term Allah al-Aqbar belongs to the terrorist group,
but it belongs to all Muslims.
So we're going to get into it.
Also, phone calls from you, the pavement pounders.
Just a great podcast here today on the Heartland.
Highway!
Where am I?
What is this?
Some kind of a joke or something?
Welcome to the Harland Highway.
What are you talking about Williams?
Son, you got a panty on your head.
Shut up and sit down, you big ball fuck.
Oh, God, what's happening here?
What's happened?
Hey, Harland, it's Shelby.
You just made a wrong turn.
On to the Harland Highway.
We choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other thing.
Not because they are easy, but because they are hard.
That is not.
Fantastic.
That's wrong with everybody in this crazy place.
The Harland Highway.
What is it?
The opening.
To what?
To another dimension.
This is Harland Williams.
You're a bad man.
You're a very bad man.
That is fantastic.
Ring jingling, ring jingling.
Yes, it's December.
Hello, hello, hello.
The last month of the year, 2015.
But a celebratory month of the year, Christmas is upon us.
Oh, I do love it so.
My favorite holiday, Christmas.
But can you believe we are in December?
Flirtle Nurgens and Schlageslager Schlagen.
I mean, this is crazy.
How do these years get by us so quickly, man?
I don't like it.
It's like January.
You're going back to the gym.
You've made all these New Year's resolution.
No more drinking Coke.
No more smoking.
No more drinking.
I'm going to work out.
And then boom.
The year's gone.
Wow.
But here we are December.
We're going to be doing a lot of fun Christmasy stuff here,
holiday stuff on the podcast.
Wally.
Wally, Santa's number one elf,
calling in from the workshop and uh we're going to harlan you've got a phone call on line eight okay well i'm
talking here so i don't i heard you but i'm harlan it's roger yes yeah there's someone on the hotline
okay who is it what oh that guy yeah fazzastad the get the guy from the middle east okay okay
Roger just held up the card with the guy's name on it.
Fazi Stad is a gentleman from the Middle East, Mr. Fossi Stad.
We don't have his first name.
I don't know why.
Do we have his first name, Roger?
No, he said, Roger's saying no.
So it's Mr. Fazi Stod, and we had him on the show not too long ago,
and he was talking about, you know, the tensions between the Middle Eastad,
the Middle East and Middle Eastern cultures and Muslim culture and all that stuff,
kind of how that whole line between all the cultures is getting a bit rocky and a bit volatile
and especially in light of all the stuff that, you know, has been going on lately,
the terrorism, the horrible events in France, you know, just people are getting on edge.
people's fears are getting ramped up.
So I think Mr. Fazistad is here today to talk about ways we can kind of quell the anxiety.
I think he's here to talk about him.
I'm right, Roger, he's here to talk about ways to kind of bridge the gap between all cultures.
And, yeah, okay.
So let's get him on the line.
Roger, can you put him through?
Where's he calling from?
The Middle East.
Okay.
Put him through Mr.
Fazi Stott. Here we go.
Hello, Mr. Fazi Stott, are you there, sir?
Hello, Mr. Williams. How are you today?
Yes, hello, sir. How are you?
I'm very good, Mr. Williams. How are you today?
Doing great, sir. Thank you for calling in.
How are you today, Mr. Willelian.
I'm doing really good, sir.
How are you today, Mr. Rwale-A-A-A-A-A-A-P?
I said I'm doing good, sir.
If we could just, you know, get to the topic.
How are you today, Master Williams?
I'm good, Mr. Fazzistad.
Can we get to the topics here?
Of course, Mr. Williams.
It's good to be talking on your show again.
Well, it's good to have you, sir.
And I remember last time we talked extensively about the burqa.
as a point of contention between the two cultures.
Yes, Mr. William.
Last time I was on your issue, I talked about the Borga.
I'm sorry?
The Borga?
The Burka?
That's right.
We talked about the Borca and how most of people around the world
are intimidated by the Borca.
Yes, they are intimidated by the burqa,
but I think you had some interesting solutions.
much Mr. R. Williams. I appreciate that from the deepest chambers of my heart. I'm sorry, sir.
The chambers of my heart. The chambers of your heart? That's correct, Mr. Williams.
Okay, well, we talk about the burger, but apparently you have something new that you apparently are selling, you're selling it in the Middle East and you want to find a
distributor over here in the United States to sell.
What exactly is it?
Al-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-S-A-A-A-S-A-A-A-R-A.
That's right, Mr. Williams.
William, Al-A-A-A-A-A-Bah.
Isn't that a saying that doesn't that mean God,
the love of Allah, the love of God loves Allah or something?
Mr. Williams, Al-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-Bar is what I'm trying to sell all over the globe
to help people understand and feel more comfortable with the saying,
Al-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-Bars, sir, and in fact, I think that's a phrase that
instills fear into the hearts of people, unfortunately, it's the phrase or the term that terrorists seem to yell
just seconds before they, they detonate suicide bombs or start shooting or, you know, causing a horrible terrorist destruction,
and terminating human lives.
Exactly, Mr. Williams.
The radical Muslims have bastardized al-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-B-Bar.
Okay, I believe you're right
I agree with that
They have bastardized
Al-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-Bar
And it's a horrible thing
But you say you've got a way
To make it more palatable
More enticing, more relatable
For people who are
Probably horrified to hear that phrase
Precisely, Mr. Williams
Let me ask you this, please
Do you like a chocolate
I'm sorry?
Do you like a chocolate treat in your mouth?
You like to chew a chocolate treat?
Are you asking me if I like chocolatey treats?
Yes, Mr. Williams, a chocolate-larity treat.
Yes, I think most people enjoy a chocolate-y treat.
I would like to introduce to Mr. Williams, Al-Aqabar.
Excuse me?
I'd like you to try one of my Allah-A-A-Aqabars.
I don't think I follow, sir.
Did you say you want me to try one of your Ala-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-Bars?
Yes, Mr. William, delicious chocolate-a-rity treat.
Wait a minute.
A delicious chocolate-y treat.
Al-A-A-A-A-A-Barr!
What are you saying?
I'm not following.
All-A-A-A-A-Barr-Barr-Barr-Bir, Mr. Williams, my new chocolate bar.
Chocolate bar?
Al-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-Bac-Bar, chocolate bar.
Hold on a second, Mr. Fazi Stod.
Oh, you can hold onto it, very delicious.
Hold it in your hand.
Eat my Al-A-A-A-A-A-Barr.
Hang, are you telling me that Al-A-Aqbar is a chocolate bar?
Yes, Mr. William.
They're not different from the Mar-A-Barr-Barr.
What?
The Mars bar?
The Mars bar?
Delicious chocolate treat or the $100,000 a bar.
The $100,000 bar.
How about a delicious Milky Way bar or a Snickers bar, Mr. O'Re Williams?
Are you telling me your Snickers bar, Milky Way bar?
Don't forget the Kid Cat, Mr.
Kit Kat
Ketkaat
And now
Delicious chocolate
Bar la la la Acbar
Hold on
Sir, hold on
No, hang on
I don't know
That you can make
A chocolate bar
Called the Ala'Aq Bar
I don't know
I'm Mr. Williams
Have you ever gone through
The middle of your day
And suddenly
Maybe you're feeling
A little on
energy or you need a little
pick me up
well yeah I think everybody
every now and then needs a little energy
boost
may I feel a
twix bar Mr. Williams
a twix bar
oh you don't want a trick's bar
Mr. Williams
how about it
ha-ha-a-cabar
okay sir
can you not yell it
I'm just telling you the name of my
product Mr. Williams when you go
to the store you say
Al-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-B.
I think people are going to hit the ground screaming.
And this is why, Mr. Williams, I want to introduce a chocolate treat al-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-Bar.
So people become used to healing, hearing al-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-Bar, and they no longer acquit Al-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-Bar.
with a terrorist attack,
but when they hear
Agamara,
they think of a delicious
a chocolate treat
with a caramel.
With what?
Chewy,
chew caramel, Mr. Williams.
Chewy,
curamel.
Hold on.
You want to go into a crowded store
yell al-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-Bah-A-Barr.
Okay.
And you want,
want people to hear that and get
thoughts and images of a delicious
chocolatey treat
with chewy chewed caramel
with chewy chewy
caramel. Caramel
Mr. Williams. Everybody loves
chewy chewy caramel
and in the al-a-lacabari
we put chew chewed caramel
we have chocolate
and nougat. We have delicious
almonds. I love to put
almonds in seed and the
crunchy, crunchy peanut in
Sir, I just, listen, I understand the need for societies, modern societies,
to get a grasp of each other's cultures and find a way to tone all the rhetoric down
and, I don't know, get people used to each other's sayings and differences
and trying to sort out the good from the bad, but, you know,
Marketing a chocolate bar called Al-A-A-A-A-Aq-Bar seems, I don't know that that's the way to go.
Al-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-B-P-Bee, please.
What?
When you go to the grocery store, people hear at Al-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-Bar, but then you say, please.
When you ask for the chocolate bar treat, when you say, please, it takes on the edge off a yelling, Al-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-Bar-Bar.
Al-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-Bar, please.
That's it, Mr. Williams, you got it.
You got it so much.
It's going to be delicious,
and I hope to find a wonderful marketing park in the United States of America globally and maybe.
Well, I don't know that that's going to fly, sir.
I mean, what does this chocolate bar even look like?
How is it wrapped?
Well, Mr. Williams, we have a very wonderful rap for Al-A-A-A-A-A-Bar.
We wrap it in a small burqa.
Excuse me?
It's like a selophen burka.
A cellophane burqa?
That's right, Mr. William.
A selophen burqa.
It's all black.
It's an al-a-lac bar on it.
And then there are a little opening near the top of the chocolate bar.
And we have two chocolate-covered almonds sticking out.
It looks like ice.
Hold on.
You have a
You have the
Al-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-Bar
wrapped in a black
cellophane wrapper
that looks like a burqa
And at the top
There's an opening where two almonds stick out
Like eyes
Yes, Mr. Williams
You ever hear that chocolate
A bar, almond joy?
Yes, almond joys
an old
staple in the chocolate bar menu
Around in America.
That's right, Mr. Williams,
and each of my almond joint
have a chocolate that covered the almond
sticking out. Okay.
Well, we have borrowed from that
idea at Al-Aqabar
and we have our
two chocolate covered the almond
sticking out of the borough
like ice.
Oh my God.
You know, Fazistad,
this just isn't going to cut it,
I don't think.
Mr. William, picture yourself.
You walk in the crowded grocery store.
You're standing at the counter.
You've been shopping.
Your arms are tired.
Your legs are tired.
You need a little pick-me-up.
You look down.
You see the bubble gums.
You see the magazines.
You see the chips.
You see the breath mints.
You see all the chocolate at the bars.
And sitting there staring back at you through its burqa,
the delicious chocolatey eyes of the Al-A-Al-A-Habbar.
And you feel, oh, that will be a nice pic-me.
me up, I would like
an al-ahabar, please.
You see?
Okay, you know, I don't
think people are going to take to this
idea. I hate to say
it, Fazistad, but
it might even be a borderline
insensitive. I mean,
these are troubled times we're in.
These are tumultuous times.
People are dying.
And I don't know that
the world's ready to, you know,
for peace to happen.
emerged through a candy bar
called Al-Ala Aqbar.
I'm sorry, sir.
I wish maybe you could just give her a chance
if you could only tape it in your mouth
the chewy caramel,
that wonderful chocolate and nugata
pitcher the chew a caramel.
No, I don't want a picture the chewy caramel.
Caramel.
No, I don't want it.
I think we're done here, sir.
I think this, I'm going to just say it, and I hope you're not offended.
This is a horrible bad idea.
Nobody wants the Allah Allah Akbar, not now, and I don't think ever.
Al-A-A-A-A-A-Bah, please?
No, even when you say, please, it doesn't take away from what it is.
So, no, thank you for the call, sir, we're going to go.
Al-A-A-A-A-A-Bah-Bah, please.
Sir, I've got to go.
Not one, but two.
Al-A-Lacabar with shulik caramel, please.
Okay, hang up on him, Roger.
God!
Good Lord, that might be the worst idea I've ever heard in my life.
Good Lord, I apologize.
That's borderline insensitive.
is he god i mean it's cord yes i think it's important that we we have ways to heal we have ways
to bridge the gap between cultures we have ways to to make people feel comfortable around
the things that make us uncomfortable but by god i mean just making a chocolate bar called the
Al-A-A-A-Aqabar? No, no way.
It's not going to fly with me.
So we appreciate the effort.
Thank you for the call.
Raj, let's move on, man.
Wow.
Rice, Arrini, the San Francisco tree.
Hello?
Hello?
Hey, Harland.
It's one of the loyal pavement pounders.
Long-time listener, love the show.
I was listening to a particular
podcast today in which you were talking about the Salina Gomez video for Good for You.
And I hadn't seen the video before, and after hearing you editorialize about it, I wanted to check
it out, so I did so when I got home from work this evening. And when I listened to the sound
clip of the song on your show, it sounded like she was saying, good for you. But then when I
listened to the sound when I was watching the video later at home it sounded like she was saying
I want to eat goya for you so I was confused because the title of the song is good for you
but it sounded like she was saying I want to eat goya for you so I wasn't sure what that
meant anyway so I thought I'd call in and leave a message love the show chicken chalmane baby
Good ear. Yes, I was thinking the same thing.
When you hear the song, the way she says good, she kind of slurs it.
Right?
She kind of like slurs the way she says, I want to be good for you, goya for you.
I think you're right.
I think you're right.
She might be saying, I want to eat goya for you.
Let's have a listen.
We'll see exactly what she says, because I believe you're on to something.
Let's see what she says.
Here we go.
She might be good for you, good for you.
She might be saying, too, I just want to eat good for you, good for you, which is a cheese.
A delicious cheese
I just want to eat good for you
Gooder for you
But you know
Let's stick with what you brought up
I just want to eat Goya for you
And you asked me you said Harlan
What is it? What does it mean?
And I'm going to tell you
Goya
Is a Spanish artist
A very famous
Historical artist in the art world
Uh
Francis Francisco Goya
was considered one of the most important Spanish artists
of the late 18th and early 19th centuries.
He was immensely successful.
And he, I mean, you've probably seen his work.
A lot of his work, his most famous work I find,
as he went through a dark phase
where he did some very,
riveting pieces of he did depictions of what it looked like down in hell
like like like seas of lost souls swimming he did pictures of of of uh people being stood up at a
at a firing squad um he did paintings that that were kind of dealt with themes like insanity
mental asylums, witches, fantastical creatures,
some really dark stuff,
and it's imagery that I'm guessing a lot of you have seen Goya's work
and don't even know it.
But it's worth jumping on Google images
and taking a look at some of his stuff.
Now, he does have some real kind of like regular stuff,
like portraits and landscapes and things like that.
But I urge you to look at some of his stuff.
darker stuff.
I remember
my parents, when I was a little
boy, had an art
book that they kept in the den, and I used
to leaf through it, and it had a big
section committed to Francisco
Goya.
And I remember seeing these very
nightmarish images where he
drew creatures and people with
large rolling eyes,
and their eyes seemed to be
filled with fear and horror.
And their mouths
kind of hanging open in horror and exasperated gasps.
And for one particular artist to kind of capture that mood, that feeling,
it's very nightmarish.
And once you see that imagery, it's hard to shake.
I got to say that that imagery has stuck in my head ever since I saw it when I was a little boy.
I actually had the pleasure of going to a gallery here in.
in Los Angeles and seeing some of Francisco Goya's work hanging in the gallery.
And I'm sure I've seen it at other galleries.
I've been to art galleries all over the world, and I'm sure I've seen it.
But I remember in particular, they had a Francisco Goya exhibit in the Getty Museum here in Los Angeles, California.
really striking, really interesting artist.
So I urge you, like I said, go online and hit Google images or Yahoo Images or whatever you do
and do a search of Goya's work, the darker stuff, and I think it's imagery that will stick in your head for the rest of your life.
But let's get back to the topic.
So now I'm picturing, you know, Selena Gomez, this petite little girl, singer, pop star, walking into art galleries all over the world and peeling giant Goya originals off the wall and eating them for her lover.
Just ripping the canvases down and stuffing them in her little mouth and gobbling them down.
You know, just like she's singing to her to her boyfriend.
I just want to eat goia for you, goya for you.
I just want to eat goia for you.
Goia.
Must have goya.
I want to eat goia for you.
Goia for...
Excuse me, madam.
That's a $900 million original painting.
Excuse me.
Fuck off.
I'm eating goya.
I'm going to eat goya.
So there you go.
Forever I will hear that song and picture her, you know, violating art galleries and eating goya for people.
So I'm glad you called.
Thank you.
Excellent question.
And I hope I helped you clear that out.
Oh, yeah, I could just sing that all day.
It's just so sexy and hot and so goya-ish.
Oh, yummy.
Oh, God.
All right, put them through.
Who is it?
Hello?
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Hello, al-a-la-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
What that?
hell fuzzy start mr. Williams I thought I would call you back because you know I realize
half the key to marketing a product to make a product as like a successful what to make a product
successful to make a product successful you need to get the word out you need to spread the word
and as much as it is a horrible situation when you know the the radical
Muslim groups bastardize
Allah al-Aqabar
Nonetheless, they do not own that saying
and they do not have rights to that
saying what they are yelling
is that Allah is great
Allah is good, Allah is love
Okay, and your point is
Well even though they yell
Halal Akbar and the horrible
circumstances, Mr. Williams,
whenever the terrorists yell it
It gets excellent free airplay all over the world.
What are you saying?
CNN, Fox, Sky News, all the major news outlets, the planetaries yelling.
Stop yelling that.
I'm saying, Mr. Williams, free advertise every time radical Muslim ISIS is a soul.
Al-Qa-A-A-L-A-L-A-A-A-A-Bar free advertising.
And so I wanted to say, no, that's the worst idea.
That's good Lord, sir.
That is just predatory.
That's capitalizing on a bad situation.
I don't want anything to do with your Allah-A-A-Aqabar chocolate bar.
Mr. Williams, that chew a caramel and chew a chocolate.
I don't care.
Caramel, Mr. Williams.
I don't care about caramel.
Caramel.
No.
Chewy, choy, caramella, Mr. Williams.
No, I said I don't want any chewy, chewy.
Carmel, Mr. Williams?
No!
No, stop bugging me.
Don't call here anymore.
I don't want anything to do with Al-A-A-A-A-A-Kbar.
With omens.
Stop it.
up on him roger we wrap it up in a nice cell up in a borca with the almond eyes sticking out
hang up oh my god never i don't want him phoning back that what this chocolate bar is an insult
and he's taking advantage of the whole world and the horrible events that happen good he's gone
right in saying that the terrorists don't own the phrase ala ala akbar anyone can say it it's supposed to mean
something good that's fine but the fact that he he's taking you know ala ala akbar when terrorists
yell it and thinking that's free publicity that's that's one step too far forget it jeez
what about a nightclub called al al ala akbar get get off the line think of a
beautiful nightclub, Mr. Williams.
We call it Al-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-L-A-A-A-L-A-A-A-L-A-A-A-K-R.
We call it Al-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-L-A-A-A-K-L-A-G-A-G-E-L-A-L-A-KKK-E-L-A-L-A-L-A-KKK-L-A-L-A-L-A-L-A-G-K-L-J-J-A-J-J-A-J-J-J-J-J-J-A.
Anyways, let's hang it up here, folks.
Hey, I know we're into December now.
And if you're thinking of getting some fun, silly, unique, original Christmas gifts for your friends and family, please visit Harlan Williams.com.
We have a great web store up there.
Got some incredible books, DVDs, T-shirts, CDs, digital downloads, all kinds of fun stuff.
I actually recently put up some brand new hand-drawn original t-shirts.
These things go really fast.
I don't have time to do a lot of them, but they're hand-drawn.
I draw them myself right onto the shirt with sharpies, colored sharpies.
And people love these shirts, and they sell out really quickly when I put them up online.
So they might already be gone.
I don't know.
I just put them up recently.
and they could be sold out as we speak because, as I said, I only put one of each shirt.
There's no prints.
There's no copies.
You own the one and only original, and they're a little bit expensive for that reason.
There's $65 a shirt, and, you know, I'm just factoring in that I'm never allowed to make any reproductions of it.
So you get the one and the only.
I personally draw it.
and people love them.
So check it out.
Hopefully there's still some there.
Great Christmas gift.
Unique Christmas gift,
but we do have the magic fuck-off t-shirt.
If you want, you can go to the store
and actually watch a little video
and see how the magic fuck-off t-shirt works.
People love this shirt.
It's hilarious.
Watch the video at the web store,
and you'll see why.
So, yeah, check it out.
Harlandwilliams.com.
you're there.
You can write me an email if you want.
We have a contact link there.
Also, if you want a phone and leave a message,
323-739-43-30,
and remember, if you want your child to get through to Santa,
you can have your child leave a message,
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Santa's number one elf up at the workshop,
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Just call the hotline, put your child on the phone,
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ask questions about Christmas,
tell Wally what you want for Christmas.
Tets, you can pretty much say anything to Wally.
323-739, 43330.
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You can fast forward through things. You can fast rewind the things that you liked.
You get the most recent 50 episodes. And if you want to become a premier member for $20 a year, which is peanuts,
you get all 700 episodes. You also get another podcast they do on the side called Let's Have a Fight.
which is a ton of fun.
Also, my live stand-up performances
plus many other special features
if you become a premium member.
So do that for yourself for the holidays.
Gift yourself the $20 premium membership.
So there you go, gang.
Hope you have a great holiday season
as we kick it off here.
Thanks for being here.
And until next time, deck the halls with chicken.
Chaumain.
Baby.