The Harland Highway - 723 - The EASTER BUNNY calls in to complain about Santa. Picking up the Xmas tree.

Episode Date: December 14, 2015

The disgruntled Easter Bunny calls in to talk about the holidays. Harland picks up his Xmas tree. Cleaning up the loose ends before the year runs out. Loose goose abuse!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, hey, my, my, this stupid podcast has to die. No, no, wait, what am I saying? That's counterproductive. Stop it. Hey, everybody, it's Holland Williams. Welcome to the Harland Highway podcast. Great to have you here. What a show we have today.

We're going to be talking about Christmas trees. I went and got mine. I'm going to share the experience with you. So much fun. So festive. Also, we are going to be talking about cleaning up, cleaning up loose ends before the end of the year. Before a new year starts, there's probably a few loose ends that you wanted to do in 2015.

You're like, I'm going to do this, and you never did it. So you got like three weeks left to get it done. We're going to discuss that. Also, we're taking a phone call from a holiday icon. And this is super exciting. The Easter Bunny is calling in to discuss Christmas. I guess this would be very interesting because we have the Easter Bunny who comes from a different holiday during the year, calling in to share his thoughts and insights on the Christmas holiday,

which is something we've never done before here at the Harlan Highway. So it should be a great call. Let's get ready to rumble. This is the Harlan Highway. What am I? What is this? Some kind of a joke or something? Welcome to the Harland Highway. What you're talking about words? Son, you got a panty on your head.

Shut up and sit down, you big ball fuck. Oh God, what's happening here? What's happening? Hey, Harlan. It's Shelley. You just made a wrong turn. On to the Harlan Highway. We choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other thing. Not because they are easy, but because they are hard. That is fantastic.

Yeah. That's wrong with everybody in this crazy place. The Harland Highway. What is it? The opening. To what? To another dimension. This is Harland Williams.

You're a bad man. You're a very bad man. That is fantastic. Well, it's the holiday season, and things tend to slow down a little bit for everybody this time of year. You know, tends to get a little quieter. The work slows down. We get a few days off here and there. We get the holidays off.

And I think as it gets towards the end of the year, sometimes we end up thinking about cleaning up loose ends, right? Because like, oh, man, you know, I said I was going to do this and this and this this year, and then you don't. And then you realize the new year is like three, four weeks away. And like, you know, I really wanted to get that thing cleaned up before. and now I've got to bring it into the new year.

You know what? I'm going to do it now. So one of the things I've been doing lately and it's been kind of fun but holy crap is at a lot of work. I finally did it. I finally climbed out of the dark ages.

I have over the years accumulated a massive CD collection. When I say massive, it's not massive compared to like I'm not like a CD nerd. But I have a whole shelf full of CDs, all genres of music from Enigma to Prince to Iron Maiden to Frank Sinatra to George Michael to movie soundtracks to jazz to groove lounge music to you name it, man. I have a very eclectic taste in music. I've always told you guys to me music is like food, it's flavors.

You try the different flavors. It's like a buffet. And so I just kind of walk by my CD shelf now, and I realize, well, I don't even have a CD player in my car. I don't carry around a portable CD player. My computer, well, one of my computers doesn't even have a CD drive, and a lot of most of the upcoming modern computers don't have them. The ones they build today, most don't have the CD or DVD drive in them.

And I'm like, you know, I bought all these things. There's thousands of dollars worth of music here. And I thought, should I just toss it in the garbage? And then I was like, no, I'll download. I'll get on iTunes. And I'll just, like, go in and import all the songs I want and then get rid of the CDs. And so I started doing it. And it's really cool because, you know, with iTunes, you can make your playlists.

So what I've been able to do is, you know, stick all the groove lounge music into one category, put the jazz in the other, put the pop tunes in the other, put the techno rock. Yes, I listen to The Prodigy. Screw you. I like The Prodigy, okay? I'm your Fire Starter, Twisted Fire Starter, yeah. That's right, man. But I can go right from that to listening to George Michael, or Michael Bubble.

I can listen to the Michael Bouble if I want to. I'm French-Canadian. I can listen. So it's been one CD after another going into my computer, and it's great because the list comes up. It shows you the list of all the songs, and I can go through them, and I don't have to keep the whole CD.

If there's only two songs I like on the whole CD, it only will import the two songs. I don't have to import, like, nine songs I don't like. so I've been making these playlists I've been putting all these songs together in iTunes and once I've finally done it and I've given away all my CDs to charity or sold them to Amoeba

once all my CDs are downloaded that's when I can count on my computer crashing and losing every song I've ever owned three, four yeah right watch it Well, I guess my songs are in the cloud. So I guess for now they're okay. But, you know, I don't know when ISIS or Al-Qaeda are going to destroy the infrastructure.

Take out our power grid and our networks and our internet. And then I'll be like, if I ever run into ISIS wandering in the post-apocalyptic streets of America, I can go, hey, you bastards all dressed in black. ye fuckers you know i had like i had soft sale tainted love and i had like george michael's you gotta have faith and i had like iron maidens run for the hills and michael booblais remake of the summer wind fuckers and you they're fucking gone from the cloud because of your fucking terrorist rain fuck and then they take me to the top of a building

and throw me off and kill me but I'm not going to go down with ISIS without complaining about them screwing up all the hard work I did to transfer my okay what am I talking about here all I'm saying is I transferred my I transferred my CDs

it's nice to get them out of the way it's just one of those things I haven't completely finished I'm three quarters of the way through. And by the end of the holidays, all my CDs are going to be out of my house. Gone. I'm going to have a big old empty shelf. I don't know what I'm going to put up there. Maybe my trophies from modeling, you know, my catwalk trophies for looking so good and the way I strut. I'll probably put those trophies up there. Make it a modeling trophy shelf for Harland. Why are you laughing? I don't understand why you're laughing. I'm offended. My feelings are hurt.

Screw you. So there you go. Done and done. Maybe this is just a little reminder to you to get something done before the holidays are over, before we roll into the new year. Hey, here's a thought. Maybe even you, as a little suggestion,

maybe even you can transfer over your ancient CD collection. Maybe that's a little holiday suggestion from me to you. Maybe clean it up. Get rid of them. I bet you'll feel good about it. I know I do until ISIS comes and destroys the cloud. But until then, enjoy your tunes. And I'm glad I could be such a big help.

Whatever you do, don't get into modeling. That's my territory. You can clean up your CDs. Do not muzzle in on my modeling, on my catwalk. I will catwalk your ass. Yeah. So anyways, you know, speaking of the holidays and Christmas, you know, it's all about Santa Claus. You know, it's Santa Claus and the elves and the reindeer and Jolly St. Nick.

And I guess Rogers dialed in, I guess today, I guess we have the Easter Rabbit calling in from the Bronx in New York State. And I said, Roger, were you saying that the Easter rabbit's not really happy about all this Christmas stuff? Okay, well, I don't know why, but I guess we're going to find out. Let's put the Easter Bunny through here on the Harlan Highway and get his take on Christmas, Santa Claus, and the whole holiday season. Go ahead, Easter Bunny. You are on the Harlan Highway. Hello?

Yeah, yeah, how's it going there? Great Easter Bunny, you're calling in from New York? Yeah, I live up in the Bronx here. You know, it's where my family was raised. I live up in the fucking Bronx. Okay, Easter Bunny, great to have you here. You were calling in. You wanted to talk about the Christmas holidays.

Well, you know, I'm just, you know what, I feel, you know, why's everyone shitting all over the fucking Easter Bunny here? Well, what do you mean, sir? And if you could just watch the language. Ah, don't give me that watch the language, whole shit, all right? I mean, come on, man. What are we, in great fucking three here? You're doing a fucking radio show, or what's going on?

Well, yes, we do have profanity from time to time, but there's no need to overdo it. Oh, for fucksy. What are you fucking three years old, man? Do you want to fucking talk to me or what? Look, what is your take on the holidays? Well, I'll tell you what it is. It's a fucking bug up my ass. I'll tell you that much.

What is it, Harlan? Yes, Harlan Williams. All right, I don't get fucking cocky with me here. Well, what do you mean? The holidays is a pain in the ass. Well, you know, if I got to see one more picture, this fucking fat drunk of jolly saint fucking Nick, I swear I got him going to puke up some fucking carrot soup all over the floor.

What do you mean? Oh, for Christ's sake. I mean, you know, I'm the Easter bunny, right? Fuck, I'm the Easter fucking bunny. Yes? All right, so I run around at fucking Easter time. You know, the fucking tulips are coming through. ground the fucking springs in the air you know every now and then i see a fucking picture of me up at the

fucking walmart or the kmart or out on a fucking bus stop okay okay fair enough but this fucking st jolly nick this fat fuck everywhere i look this fucking guy okay he's on top of buildings he's a bus stop he's on fucking uh commercials i bought a can of fucking coat the other day over at uh johnson's uh fucking deli over there i guess who's on my fucking coke i can't i can't enjoy Corby fucking sandwich and some coleslaw without seeing this fucking fat drunk? Wait a minute, sir, fat drunk. Oh, come on. What are you in fucking denial here, Williams?

Now, sir. This fucking guy, have you seen how Rosie his fucking cheeks are? Well, yes, he lives in the North Pole. Oh, really? So what about the fucking spider veins? What do you mean, spider veins? Listen, dumbass. There's two things.

There's one thing to have Rosie. fucking cheeks, okay? All right. But when you got the fucking spider veins in your fucking cheeks, it looks like, you know, fucking Charlotte's webs living on your face? All right. That's a sign of a fucking booge hound, all right there, Williams? If you could just call me Harlan, sir. Ah, whatever, Harlan. I mean, this guy's fucking tanked all the time.

Fucking fat, fucking drunk. Do you think that fucking belly comes from eating fucking Mrs. Claus's Christmas struddle? Now, sir, these are some pretty harsh words for a beloved, you know, Christmas time. Ah, fuck him, okay? Fuck him. Fuck him and a two-by-four from Hullahan's fucking lumberyard just down the street. Sir, now I've got to ask you to...

You know, this fucking guy, you know what I heard about this guy? This fucking jolly St. Nick in his little fucking queer house? Sir? I hear that he's finger-banging those little fucks. Wait a minute. you know why those fucking elf's shoes the tip of their shoes are curled up sir if you could not they curl up because sannie claus has his fucking finger in the little tight elf assholes whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa i'm telling you this fucking guy's finger banging those fucking else

and someone's got to say something about this fucking bearded drunk sir listen okay mr easter bunny This is Christmas time, and this is nothing short of a full-on slanderous attack. Look, I'm just telling the truth, okay? Up here in the Bronx, I got no love for this fucking guy, okay? I'm the Easter Bunny. I work twice as I am. You know, he drops a couple of presents off on everybody's fucking roof, and I got to fucking hide eggs in the bushes.

I got to hide fucking colored eggs in the fucking weeds for these fucking prick kids. I got fucking, last year I had a fucking praying mantis attack my fucking face. Mr. Easter Bunny, you know, we do have kids listen to this show now and then, and for you to talk about kids on such a... Eh, fuck the kids. You know, I got to make a fucking living like everybody else. And another thing about fucking jolly St. Nick, okay? This guy ain't so jolly.

I heard he beats the shit out of Mrs. Claws. Mr. Rabbit. Oh, you know what? to talk about important social issues, huh? Everyone just blinded by this fucking guy's cheery little red suit. He beats the shit out of Mrs. Claus with a fucking canoe battle. He keeps in the closet. Mr. Rabbit!

There is no evidence of that. There is no proof. Why do you think Mrs. Claus wears those big fucking googly glasses, and she looks like a fucking retarded librarian? Hey, tone it down. That's because it hides the fucking black marks under the fucking eyes, okay, guy? Listen, I don't know if... It sounds like you're bitter, is what it sounds like, Mr. Rabbit.

Oh, I'm bitter, huh? You know what, this guy, look, I talk to... I'm a fucking rabbit, okay? Let's get that straight. Yes, you're the Easter rabbit. Good. I'm glad we fucking agree on something here, Williams. If you could dial it back a bit...

Ah, fuck you. Now, this is... I talk to other animals. You know what he's doing to those fucking... I don't know that we need to hear. Have you ever heard of these fucking guys who are into this fucking animal sex? Hold on, sir. I gotta stop you. Right there.

We are not going down that road. Well, since you don't want to fucking say, let me fucking say it for you, Mr. William. Beastiality, okay. Wow. Okay. This you... This is just... What are you, tongue-tied, Williams?

I mean, this guy is plowing those fucking reindeer, so I don't wonder they fucking fly up into the sky. I'll tell you what, if some fat old fuck with a white beard full of fucking gravy and corn nibblets and fucking spider veins on his Charlotte's web face was sticking his candy cane up my reindeer haul, I'd fucking fly over the fucking moon. Are you fucking kids?

Would you knock it off? Hold it. This is, this sounds like a, This sounds like a bitter attack, almost as if you feel a rivalry from Santa Claus. I'm fucking wrong. Let me tell you something, okay? You know what the Easter bunny does, Mr. Williams? Okay? I am around because it's the resurrection of the son of the Lord Jesus Christ, okay?

You got that through your fucking head? I know what Easter is, sir. Okay, that's a real thing, okay? Jesus died. He was resurrected. He came back from the dead, for fuck's sake. How many magicians have you ever seen do that? You ever seen fucking Copperfield come back from the dead? I've seen this guy fucking make the Statue of Liberty disappear,

but I ain't seen him come back from the fucking dead like the Lord Jesus, baby lamb, son of the savior fucking dead. Can you lose the foul language? And we got fucking Sandy Clause that overweight Jenny Craig fucking glazed ham-ass, fuckhead running around he's not even half fucking real and he's got his picture everywhere that ain't gonna cut it with the fucking

Easter bunny pal listen you sound like an angry guy I hope you don't own guns oh I'm a fucking you're damn right I own gums I've been a fucking card carrying member of the NRA since fucking just after Jesus Christ went down

hold on a second yeah you heard me wise guy okay if you don't think I'm fucking old and a carry and concealed permit, you can go suck Santa Claus's left knob, okay? You know what? I think you are really, really kind of stepping on the spirit

of Christmas, and I think I might have to end this call here to accuse Santa Claus of performing sodomy on his reindeer. Oh, really? You think Rudolph's fucking nose lights up because he's been sniffing NyQuil? Uh-huh, pal. Okay?

fucking Rudolph's that nose lights up because it's like a fucking rape whistle that fucking nose it's fucking glowing because he needs fucking help, are you kidding me? It's not a rape whistle nose. Oh, well, what the fuck is it? And by the way,

do you know how much it fucking hurts for a gingerbread man to be split in half by a 300-year-old fat guy's caught? Would you cut it out? Hey, everybody. Who wants to have better sex?

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Don't throw your back out. Santa does not perform sexual acts on gingerbread men. Oh, okay. Sure, okay. You want to live in that fuck. See, here's the problem wise guy. It's people like you that fucking perpetuate this fucking guy's legacy. Isn't that right?

You're so fucking, you got the rose-colored glad. Everyone's so far up fucking Santa Claus's ass that they don't want to see the fucking forest through the trees. Well, I'll tell you what, huh? Do you remember this fucking guy in silence of the lambs, Buffalo Bill, who fucking lured women down to the well in his basement? You know the fucking guy. Oh, wait. We're she a raping fat person

Oh, you don't know what pain is Uh, uh, uh, And that fucking guy right there Are you telling me you're doing impressions Of Buffalo Bill From Silence of the Lamb, Easter Bunny? Oh, wait, well, she's a raping fat person Can you help me put this carpet

In the back of my white man? Stop doing Buffalo Bill impressions It's fucking creepy Oh, now who's fucking swearing, huh? Look at you, all of a sudden. and I pull out some hard-called facts and they are not hard-called facts. Are you suggesting that Jolly St. Nick

has a well in his basement and he throws teenage women down there and murders them? Oh, wait. Well, she will be a fair person. Stop doing the silence of the lamb voice. I think we're done here, sir. Oh, we're done all right. Because you know what? I ain't going to fucking put up with it. I'm going out

and I'm looking for this fucking jolly. St. Nick, on the 24th. I'm going to be jumping around from roof to roof, and maybe I'll have a little fucking talk to the old fat fuck. Oh, you know what? This is violent. It's, it goes against the spirit of the holidays. I've got to hang up on you, sir. And another thing about Mrs. Claus, she's got a yeast infection. Where do you think gingerbread men come from, you dumb fuck? Hang up on him, Roger. That ain't icing on the little fucking eyes. Hang up on him. Wow! Are you...

That was one of the most vile interviews we've ever done. What? I never realized the Easter Bunny was so... He's going to puke carrot soup all over the floor. Is he gone? That guy never calls back here again. Unacceptable. Holy shit.

Now he's got me swearing. Ladies and gentlemen, I got to apologize. You know, I thought the Easter Bunny's calling in. It was going to be a nice, fun, fluffy little conversation, and this guy went on a tirade. This guy's clearly got some pent-up animosity towards wonderful, the beloved St. Nicholas, Santa Claus. And I'm actually concerned that should those two meet sometime,

that you heard those Easter Bunny said he's got a carry and concealed permit. We're living in this dangerous world now where I'm wondering if Santa Claus needs some security to fly with them or something. Let's put that behind us. Let's get back to talking about fun things, holiday things, and boy, oh boy, I'm almost emotionally scarred

by that horrible conversation. I should have hung up right when he started talking about, you know, Jolly St. Nick finger bangs the Elfs. That should have been where I hung up right there. Let's move on, Rodge. Let's move on. Tell him, McCluskey. Tell him what time of he is.

I don't believe you, people. What do you mean, you people? What do you mean, you people? I think what Tug means is you people, you actors. You people. Look at that and Beedy. What's talking to me! I gotta get back to all the house.

No, I hate that. Chill. All right? Just chill it. Conalingis. Conalingis. Conalingis. Conalingus.

Conalingus. Conalingus. Conalingus in the night. Charles Mingus played the bass. Conalinguis in your face. Conalinguis. Conalingus. Conalingus.

Everything is all right. Tonight. Well, I did it, boys and girls. I got my Christmas tree. Yes, yes, I got my Christmas tree. You'd be surprised where I go and get my Christmas tree. It's kind of funny, actually. It's an unassuming place, but I get it every year.

It's a tradition. I go to a little grocery store about three miles from my house, and, you know, it's a traditional grocery store. It's called John's, J-O-N-S, and every year they sell Christmas trees for like 35 bucks. I go around the Christmas tree farm places that charge like $120 for a tree. And I've been going to this place for as long as I can remember here in Los Angeles. And they have these great trees. They're really big. They're like six feet high.

And they bundle them up and they put them on your roof. And they tie them down. And they've already got like the stand nailed into the base. so it's like a wooden, a wooden X on the base. So when you get home, you just stand them right up. You don't have to put them in a Christmas tree stand. You don't have to nail anything in. You just put them in, cut the ropes.

All the branches flop out, and off you go. Start decorating. And it was really fun this year. I went and I got it. And, you know, this was the first year I had the Tesla. So I pull up in the Tesla And a bunch of people got concerned there Like they saw me there

You know Getting ready to put the tree on the roof of the You're going to put the tree on there? I think he's going to put the tree on the Tesla Oh my God This guy, what's wrong with this guy He's putting a Christmas tree on top of a Tesla? Yeah, there was genuine concern

And I was like, relax It's just a roof of a car like any other roof of a car. So we put it on, and normally what I do every year is I tie the tree down and I put the string through the door handles of the car and throw it over the top of the roof, pin down the tree, and tie it to the other door. Here's the problem with Tesla. I don't know if you know this or not, but part of the engineering,

the door handles of the Tesla slide into the car. to the door so that they're flushed with the panel of the door. The door handles don't stick out. So suddenly I was searching for ways to tie this tree down, and so was the kid, the kid that worked at Johns, God bless him. He was tying my tree every which way but loose. I think he tied one end to a shopping card. He tied another end to an old lady's throat.

I think he tied one to a stroller with a baby in it. It was just like crazy. And they got finally after 20 minutes, he goes, okay, I think you're good to go. And I kind of poked at the tree. And this thing was rolling around like a fat guy on a trampoline. And I want to hurt the kids. They said, oh, thanks, buddy.

So I drove very slowly around the corner, undid all his work. And I had to retie the tree myself and find little nooks and crannies in the Tesla where I can tie this darn tree down, and I got it down and got it home, fine and dandy. And I got to tell you, man, there's something so fun about letting that tree loose. You know, it's all tied up. It looks like a pillar.

All the boughs are constrained by the string, and you cut the string, and this thing just kind of slowly opens up like a flower in the sunlight. These big, you know, flush, needle-filled branches start to lay down and open up and the room fills up with the scent of pine. I'm waiting for owls to fly out of this thing and blue herons.

And it's just, there's something magical about it, man. Think of, think of it. The act of bringing a timber into your home. I mean, how many of us on a yearly basis even have flowers? in our homes and here we are we bring a full-fledged tree into our house can you imagine that on any other day hey uh timmy go out in the yard and bring a tree in the house what are you talking about daddy you heard me i want a tree in here daddy why would you want a tree in the house i don't know i'm watching football i'm drinking beer i've got some chips and i want a goddamn tree in the

house but daddy that makes no sense Are you saying I'm crazy? No, Daddy. Then go get me a six-foot tree and put it in the corner. Yes, Papa. I mean, it's kind of bizarre, isn't it? You're bringing a tree in your house. And while you're out, and bring me some boulders.

Sorry, Daddy? Bring me some boulders and give me a river. Go find me a little crick. You mean like a moving liquid... Mass of water? Yes, I want to go fly fishing at half-time. And find me a mountain goat. And I want an osprey for the top of the tree. I mean, it's pretty wild.

But hey, we do it, man. We do it. And there's something magical about it. It's so magical and just foresty. And what's really nice is at night. When you come in at night, let's say you're out. somewhere, you're at a social function having shrimp cocktails and

Martinez. And it's dark, it's late, and you're coming home, and you're like, it's 11 o'clock at night, and you're like, okay, another day, another dollar, and you walk in your door and and, whoosh, just this blast,

this blast of pine air hit you in the face, and you're like, oh. It's like someone stepped on your neck, held you down, and sprayed air freshener up your nose, that pine-scented air freshener for when someone goes in your bathroom

and takes a big one. Ha, ha. Oh, it's nice. Such a nice smell. I think I'm going to lay down with my tree. You know, I just leave it in the living room. I don't give it all. Once it's up, you don't give it a lot of love.

You know, you put the decorations, the light. I'm going to pull my tree into my band tonight. Is that wrong? Just one night. Let it feel loved. Look at all the love it gives. I'm going to lay it down. I'm going to put my arm around it.

And it's going to jingle. All the decorations are going to jingle. And then as the night gets a little colder, I'm going to spoon my Christmas tree. You're going to pull a blanket up over it and spoon it. And I'll probably wake up with, like, allergy rashes. and pine bugs of pine beetles eating through my flesh. I'll have pine tar and sap

all over my 3,000 thread silk sheets. I don't care. I love my Christmas tree. I love it. I love it. I love my Christmas tree. Play the music again, Raj. I love my Fahoo foray to my Christmas tree.

sleeping with it. But there you go. It's always fun. And driving at home, you're always worried that it's going to slide off the car. That's my big thing. I'm not worried that it slides off the car.

I'm worried that it like rolls down the street and hits the guy coming behind me. And I didn't even get a chance to yell timber. You know, I don't mind if it hits his car. Screw him. But I want to make sure I have the opportunity to yell too. Mimber! Smash! Crunch a minivan? No, I'm just kidding.

So there it is. The magic of the Christmas tree. And I hope you guys have that experience. I don't know if it's the same with the Jewish Hanukkah. I know they put the menorah up, the little eight-tipped candle. But maybe, maybe. Maybe the Jews need a tree. I mean, let's see. In Israel, there's a lot of date trees.

There's palm trees. Maybe the Jews during the Hanukkah, they throw up a, maybe they throw up a palm tree. Hersch'll go outside and get me the palm tree. I'm watching the football game. Bring your family. Do this for your family. Bring the, bring the, bring the honnobah. capon tree into the living room.

I don't care if it's 35 feet high, but they're very flexible. We can bend it over. We can have one end in the corner and the other end, the tip of it and bent over into the kitchen. He shall do what you're told,

you bad boy. So I don't know. Just a thought. Other, you know, religions can have their holiday trees and that's it we'll leave it there with happy thoughts

of holiday trees does it get any better and what was they going to say oh yeah speaking of holiday thoughts I want to make sure you guys if you want to get any merchandise from the harland harland williams.com

store please do it quickly The cutoff date is this Saturday coming up. If you don't order before this Saturday, we cannot guarantee your stuff will get there before Christmas. If you order by the 18th, which is this Friday,

we most assuredly should be able, we can't 100% guarantee it, but 95% probability your stuff will show up before December 25th. We hope so. So we'll put it in the mail on time, and then it's the post office problem and hopefully five to six days

is enough time to get it to you. It usually works out. So get your order in by this Friday, December 18th at the latest. After that, of course, you can still order stuff. We just don't guarantee that it gets to you on time. The store's full of T-shirts. It's full of music.

It's full of books. It's full of CDs, DVD. comedy, artwork, all kinds of stuff. So get in there and order something fun for your loved ones today, and we will make sure it gets there to you. Don't forget to get the Harland Highway app. We have that for your phones. Android, Apple, whatever.

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We hope you enjoy that. Also, if you want to write, you can write to harloweems.com. We have a contact page there. Or if you want to call and leave a message or sing a song about Kahnalingis, as one of my callers did. Wonderful. It's like a new Christmas carol almost. You could call 323-739-43330, 3-3-3-739-4-3-30. And if you want your child to leave a message for Wally the Christmas Elf,

we will play your child's message, and Wally, the Christmas elf, will respond to that call. So there you go, guys. Hey, happy holidays to everybody. This is fun. Great time of year. Smile at someone today. Wish them a Merry Christmas or a happy holiday or a happy Hanukkah,

whatever you want to wish them. It's the time of year that we get to do. that stuff so don't squander it um spread the joy spread the the the happiness amongst your fellow humans and uh here's me doing that to you wishing you well happy holidays and uh we'll just keep on rolling down the harland highway right up to the big day the 25th and until then chicken show me baby Thank you.