The Harland Highway - 725 - Rabbi Pappenheim with more Happy Chewbacca. Crazy mas songs.

Episode Date: December 21, 2015

The Rabbi calls in to smooth over the last confrontational call we had. Some crazy Xmas carols, and last second shopping. Hopping while shopping!!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ho, ho, ho, ho, hello. Wow, that was like a very Christmassy way to say hello. I snuck in like ho, ho in there. Some Santa talk for you. Hey, everybody, Harlan Williams here. Trying to sell like Marv Albert with a wild, the wacky of the wonderful. Welcome to the show. This is the Harlan Highway podcast.

Great to have you here. Happy holidays. everybody. Great show today. We're going to be talking more about Christmas. We have one of the pavement pounders singing a wonderful Christmas Carol towards the end of the show. We also have Rudy Kassoni singing his office party, Christmas Carol, which is hilarious and fun and catchy. We're going to be talking about the last-minute rush to buy Christmas presents for everybody, which always happens. I'm going to talk about it.

And then we also invited back Rabbi Pappenheim. He's a Jewish rabbi that called in a few weeks ago, and he said that it's not happy Hanukkah. It's happy Chubacca, and we got into kind of a thing about it, and I felt bad, and he felt bad. So he's calling into the show, Rabbi Pappenheim's going to call in, and we're going to kind of make nicey, nicely with each other, because it's that time of year.

And this is the nice place, the Harland Highway. Where are I? What is this? Some kind of a joke or something? Welcome to the Harland Highway. What you're talking about Wool? Son, you got a panty on your head. Shut up and sit down, you big ball fuck.

Oh, God, what's happening here? What's happened? Hey, Harland, it's Shelby. You just made a wrong turn. On to the Harland Highway. We choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other thing. Not because they are easy, but because they're easy. but because they are hard.

That is fantastic. What's wrong with everybody in this crazy place? The Harland Highway. What is it? Opening. To what? To another dimension. This is Harland Williams.

You're a bad man. You're a very bad man. That is fantastic. Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. We're down to the wire, boys and girls, ladies and linger loggins. Whatever that means. Um, we're just, what, five days away from the big Christmas? Oh, my God.

Oh, oh, oh, Charles, Nelson Raw! Um, good Lord. Um, it's just close and, and yes, do I sound panicky? Yes, I'm in panic mode. I'm scrambling. I did it again like I do. Every single year, I wait till the last minute. I wait to the last few days to run around and get my presents.

Why don't I buy my Christmas presents in June, July, in the summer, when I'm just lounging around, doing nothing? Why don't I buy them, you know, every time maybe I go to a mall in the summertime, in the spring, in the fall, when I'm just browsing through a mall, just get it in my head that, oh, well, Maybe Sandra would like those slippers, or maybe David would like that football, or why don't I just pick that up now, shove it in the bag. I'll put a box in the garage, and I'll just drop stuff in it all year long

so that right around December I can go in the garage and go, all my Christmas shopping is done. It's all here in the box. I bought it all year long. But no, no, I wait to the last three, four freaking days, for the most part. Some of my stuff I got out in the mail. The mail stops a little easier,

but when you're picking stuff up on your own and you're wrapping it, you're putting it under trees, and you're delivering it to people, oh, man, it's so crazy. See, I just, I get Charles Nelson Riley Christmas fever, man. So anyways, I'm getting her done the next few days And if all of you listening Don't see a present under the tree for me

It's because I screwed up and I missed the window And I didn't get to you And I'm so very sorry But next year I will because You know, I'm going to pick up stuff in the middle of the summer For everyone Yeah, right But I don't feel bad because I know most of you are the same

Most of you listening right now are exactly, you're all having your very own Charles Nelson Riley Christmas fit. Oh, I didn't buy enough. Oh, presents. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. God. Oh, God. But I get it done.

I usually, usually get it done. It's right down to the wire, but I always seem to pull it off. And maybe I plan it that way. Maybe psychologically it's funner. Maybe we all psychologically do this to ourselves because it's kind of, you know, that last minute rushing around. Oh, what does so-and-so like? What does so-and-so want? Oh, look at that. Look at this. Oh, I can't wait to give it to them, you know. I'll run home and I'll speed wrap it and I'm going to get it and just under the wire. Maybe we like that. Maybe it's part of it.

I don't know. Either way, super excited. I love this time of year, as you know. I usually dedicate most of December to a lot of Christmas material on the old Harland Highway podcast, even. So I hope you guys are having fun with it. In fact, we did have a call a few weeks ago where it was the beginning of Hanukkah, and I was corrected by a Jewish rabbi called in.

And according to him, it's not pronounced Hanukkah. It's pronounced Chubaka, which I still, I don't want to challenge it too much because I don't want to come off as insensitive to the Jewish faith. I don't want people to get mad at me. So now I'm a little uncertain. So anyways, apparently we're having a call with Rabbi Pappenheim again today to kind of mend. We got a little in each other's faces last time. He started singing, you know, some traditional Chewbacca carols, and anyways, he's called, what? Oh, you got him now?

Okay, Roger's telling me that Rabbi Pappenheim is on the line now. We're going to patch him through. We're going to, you know, kind of mend the fences. We're going to talk about the holidays and just kind of make nice the way everyone should be at this special time here. Okay, put them through, Roger. Uh, hello there, uh, Rabbi Pappenheim. How are you today, sir? Hello, Arland. How are you today? Uh, doing, doing really good. Thank you so much for coming back on the show. Well, listen, as my father always told me, Holland, it takes two to tango.

It does take two to tango. And, uh, boy, oh boy, I felt that last time, uh, maybe we got a little contentious with each other and a little argumented. Well, the Jing's happened at the time of the year, the holy days, everybody's at a heightened level of excitement, darling. I mean, you know, this is Viver having another call, so we can, you know, put the bridge across the river. Yeah, yes, building a new bridge across the river, and I want to apologize if I, in any way, made it seem like I wasn't kind of acknowledging the Jewish, holidays. Well, on the same note, Holland, I want to maybe apologize to you too. I mean, this is a time of year that people are giving, their healing, people are coming together of all the faiths, Holland. Yeah, all the faiths are coming together. And so maybe on my side, I wish a little, shall we say, you know, hoistri, hoistri, hovstery, robstle. Okay, is that Hebrew?

That's just as I'm not ashamed. My father, you used to share to me, Holland. Oh, okay. So. So what I've done to kind of heal the waters, Holland, is I'm offering you a couple of things here. Oh, you're offering me things? Well, Van, I would like to offer you a nice bowl of cream of mushroom soup

or some nice of vegetable soup. Oh, and I love soup. There you go. So the next time you drop by the synagogue, We sit down, we break bread together, I make you some nice cream of the mushroom soup, or maybe the vegetable soup, Holland. Wow, okay, you got it.

And the second thing is, as you know, I was a little bit upset because you kept, you know, misidentifying the big Jewish holiday. Yes, I kept, you know, kind of harping on about Hanukkah. And that's not what it's called, so maybe here you go again. Wait a minute. I thought... Well, I shot things, too.

I shot you were having this phone call, so you would say the name of the holiday correctly. Well, I think I did, Rabbi Papenheim. I just said Hanukkah. Oh, well, see, there you go. It's called Shubaka, not Hanukkah. Okay, you know, I... Well, I see you're stunned.

And stuttering and stammering, and, you know, that's the type of thing. You know, I hate to bring it up again, but, you know, that's the type of thing. Maybe Hitler did. Okay, sir. No, he liked to stutter. He liked to stammer. Just kind of the way you did. Sir, please, let's not reference Hitler.

I am anything but a... A Hitler sympathizer. Sir, rabbi. Now, Holland, look, I've one of the other things I prepared outside of the cream of mushroom soup. Can we just go back a minute and clarify that I am not a Hitler sympathizer? Well, you know, Holland, it's, you know, I hear you saying the name of the holiday, you start out and stammered. It makes me wonder, instead of spending Christmas with your family, who knows, maybe you want to go to Dusseldorf. You want to spend the Christmas.

Christmas in Dusseldorf with the Germans. No, I don't want to spend Christmas in Dusseldorf with the Germans. You know, instead of singing jingle bells, maybe you stand around at the tree, and at the very tip of the tree, instead of the star, the Christmas star, you've got the, the, how do you call the swastika on top? What, no! Rabbi, no, I'm not going to Germany for Christmas. to Dusseldorf

and stand around the Christmas tree with a swastika on the top. Well, you know, sometimes it's all in the tone of your voice all, and I pick up on these things. I'm a rabbi. I'm sensitive. Sir, you're not picking up anything like that

for me. That is a, this is a discharacterization and I don't, I'm not comfortable with this. Well, I'm not comfortably with the image of you and your friends and your family. spending Christmas in Dusseldorf, standing around the Christmas tree, singing carols, and then going Heil Hitler at the end of it. Sir, do not go there. I'm not standing around the Christmas tree.

With the swastik up on the top? No! There's no schvastik. There's no swastik up on the top. And at the end of, you know, have a holy, jolly Christmas. I'll hit lock. Stop! Rabbi, please. We're going back to where we went on the last phone call. Now, you said this was a call about healing,

and I need to hear what that healing is. Well, okay. You know, I told you this season for the Jewish community, it's the season of Chewbacca. Oh, okay. And I thought last time I sang some months. traditional Jewish Chewbacca carols?

Yes, you did sing some peculiar Chewbacca-type carols. See, now there you go, you say peculiar, and I go, what is this guy? Is he tobogging on the Swiss

Alps with Adolf Hitler? No! I'm not tobogging in the Swiss else with Adolf Hitler. Well, you know, you'll make these comment, Charleston. I have to ask myself, who is this guy here? Who am I talk? Who is this guy? It's me, Harland Williams, and stop referencing Hitler. Well, you know. What were you saying about

the healing? Well, I decided because we had our little differences, Holland. We butted our hedge, and, you know, I've offered you the claim of the mushroom soup. And now I would like to, you know, blend all to a festive holidays, and perhaps I could sing a traditional Christmas carol, he threw the voice of the Chewbacca holiday. I'm not sure what you're saying there, Rabbi. Well, what I'm saying is I want to sing. The shing do you in the Chewbacca traditional caroling voice? Okay.

So I will take one of you. traditional Christmas hymns and carols or whatever you call them, and I will shig and, you know, the baby shing. Okay. How about we start with the silent night, Holland? Fine, silent night. All right, three, four, five. Oh, rabbi, no, I don't think this is really

Oh, rabbi? Robby! Holland, do you mind I'm singing? Hey, everybody, who wants to have better sex? No, yes, yes. The answer is yes, you always want to have better sex. That's what you want it to be better. not worse, trust me. And Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item plus free shipping.

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So be sure to use this code Harland So you get your discount And 100% free shipping Code Harland Have fun Don't throw your back out I mean who interrupt Shiland Night Who is this guy?

Who is this guy here? I'm in the middle of this Shiland night And Oliver Shudden you're your cock-blocking me As they're down at the subway station They do not say cock-blocking at the subway station They do not say cock-blocking at the subway station, Rabbi. I mean, honestly, I have to heavens, who is this guy here? It's me, Harland. Would you stop saying, who is this guy?

Who, I mean, who is this guy that would stop his Shiland Knight? It's not a guy. I'm Harlan Williams. Who is that? It's like, you know who stopped Shireland Night? People who are French with Hitler. That's who. I'm not. Sir, Rabbi. I am trying to contain my temper here. I am not friends with Hitler.

Well, you know, in the middle of Shiland Night, you put the Kaibosh on it. I didn't put the Kaibuze. It's just that, it sounded almost, I hate to say it, like you were bastardizing a classic Christmas carol, a beautiful, wonderful, soft Christmas carol like Silent Night.

Rabbi? Rabbi! Who is this guy? Who is this guy? You know when they shouted like this, Mr. Williams. Don't say it. Say it. They shouted like this in the Nazi concentration camps.

The ones that Hitler put up. Just stop it! Now, I mean, who is this guy that would stop in the middle of Shiland night? Sir, rabbi. Let me try von Mahabotchum. How about some Frosty the Snowman? Do you know this, Munch? Who?

Frosty the Snowman. I just said it. I mean, father, you got the cauliflower in your ears. I don't know if you should sing another one, Rabbi Pappenheim. Oh, so now, what, you don't want me to make a phone call? You know, we're bridging the troubled waters, Shimon and Garfunkel von Sched. Who?

Shimon and Garfunkel! They had that wonderful song in the Chivany's like a bridge over troubled waters. Simon and Garfunkel. Simon and Garfunkel? That's what I said, Mr. William. Now, if you'll allow me, please, I'd like to sing Frosty the Snowman. I'd rather you'd in, sir. Rabbi?

All right, Roger. Hang up on him again. Hang up on him, Roger. Haile Hitler Wait a minute Hold up Why did you stop me? Did you just say

Heil Hitler? I don't think I should Hyal Hitler Did you hear high Hitler? I'm pretty sure I distinctly heard a wookie High Hitler. Mr. Williams

Are you accusing me of I was singing a Frost to the Snowman? I don't know what you heard. I thought I heard something in there, rabbi. Well, you know, you can hear what you want to hear when you're friends with Adolf Hitler.

I'm not friends with Adolf Hitler. Cut it out. Hang up on him, Roger. There it was again. Stop. Mr. Williams, I mean, who is this guy? Who is this guy that stops in the middle of a frosty the snowman who i'm picturing you right now in dusseldorf having apple strudel and

hot chocolate standing around the crackling fireplace with uh the da fuar i'm not standing with das fuar adolf hitler around the crackling fireplace eating apple strudel and having hot toddies well it certainly sounds like it mr williams now if i could finish Hang up on him, Roger. There it wasn't you hang up on him. Hang up on him. God. That was upsetting.

Okay? Wow. I do not appreciate. You know, Is he gone? Good riddance, Rabbi Pappenheim. I do not appreciate being linked to Hitler in any way. I don't know where he was getting that.

That horrific human being, if you can even call him a human being, and the unspeakable horrors that he bestowed on the world, the evil, dark place that he took humanity, And I'm here talking about Christmas caracles, Christmas carols, and happy Hanukkah or happy Chewbacca's, as Rabbi Pappenheim claims it's called, and he inserts Hitler into the dialogue? No, no, no. Not proper, not fair. And I'm not going to stand for it. I'll hang up on anyone any time if they're going to play the Hitler card.

Wow. So all my Jewish listeners and people who even aren't Jewish and are offended by what you just heard, I'm with you. And I can only apologize because, you know, inserting Adolf Hitler into the Christmas season and making accusations is just not in keeping with the spirit of this festive time of year. So, Roger, that's it. No more calls from Pappenheim, Rabbi Pappenheim. and I'm, we're done in case I'm wrong, okay? My Jewish listeners, happy Chewbacca, because I don't want to hear from the rabbi again, but I'm going to also say happy Hanukkah, because that's what I believe it accurately is. But just in case the rabbi's right, because he's Jewish and I'm not, in case it is happy Chewbacca,

I'm going to say happy Chewbacca reluctantly. And no one around here likes Hitler. Happy holidays. Roger, can we just move on, Roger? Play a Christmas song. How about everybody's having work parties, office work parties? Play the Rudy Carsoni office Christmas party song. That'll get me back in a cheery mood.

Here he is. Rudy Carsoni is portrayed by Toby Haas from the Rooney Carsoni. Snowballs Christmas album. This is a great Christmas song about the Office Christmas Party. Enjoy that all hit. Unbelievable. The pretty lights are blinking.

You're getting pretty stinking at the office Christmas party on the nog. Called the boss to suck it merrily and kissed your secretarily. She slapped your face and left the room agog. A pick to fight with tot from shipping. Then you started stripping off your pants down to your red and green g-string. You baffed in your new briefcase on the client database.

You're really cruising now. The party's in full swing, because this is your night. Sir, you've worked hard all year. It's your American right. to drink up your Christmas cheer You set the Christmas tree on fire You really had to admire When you pissed it out that really showed some class

Staggered to the copy room Huffed on some tone of fumes Then made xeroxes of your pimply eyes Because this is your night Sir you've worked hard all year American ride to drink up your Christmas cheer You stuck a post on your balls which said decked the halls Then you painted white out snowflakes on your cock

Passed out in the elevator I woke sometime later getting cranked off by Jim from the loading dock Because this is your night Oh brother You worked hard hard All goddamn year It's your right, baby, to drink up your Christmas cheer. Nice whistling.

There he is Rudy Carsoni. The album's called Rudy Carsoni Snowballs. Please, if you enjoy the amazing songs from the album, look around online, type in on the interwebs. Rudy Carsoni Snowballs, and you can order your own copy of this fabulous CD done by actor, comedian Toby Huss. Toby, by the way, is a guy who played next to me in a movie I did called Down Periscope.

Toby played the very funny character of the Submarines Electrician, who was a submarine movie, obviously, and he was hilarious, and as you can hear by his songs, he's hilarious. So if you feel like supporting Toby, which I recommend, go for it, man. Rudy Carsoni, Snowballs. What is that? Nothing, that's nothing. There's nothing.

Why can't I see? My blanket, my blue blanket. Give me my blue blanket. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I don't like people. It's not important. It's a minor compulsion. I can deal with it if I want to. It's just that I've had it ever since I was a baby, and I find it very comforting. Hello? Hello? I got my copy of Rudy Kassonis, Snowballs, and you were pronouncing his last name wrong. You were adding an R. It is not Karsoni.

It is just C-A-S-O-N-I. So for people trying to find out on the interwebs, I had a very difficult time last year finding it because you kept calling them Car-Soney, but there's no R in it. So if you want to spell it out, next time you play a song, it's just C-A-S-O-N-I. And that'll give people plenty of opportunity, make you heck of a lot easier to find. Next slide, it's a great album, and I'm listening to it as, well, I'm going to start listening to it as I hang up again. Chicken Chamain, baby. Oh, Rich, Rich, Rich. Rich. Thank you. I wish I was rich. when it came to pronouncing things.

But you are so right, it is. It's Rudy Kassoni. I don't know why I just look at it, and it seems like Karsoni seems the natural flow, but it's Kassoni. Rudy, C-A-S-O-N-I. And the album is Snowballs, S-A-A-P-O, so it's not spelled S-N-O-W. It's S-A-A-A-P-O-Bals. And you can find that on the interwebs. If you just go in and type in Rudy Casoni Snowball CD, and it'll pop up.

I've looked it up online. The record label is Royal Olive Records. So take a look, pick it up, and Rich enjoys it. I enjoy it. You'll enjoy it. It's such a fun album. tons of great, funny songs. I play a few of them every year, my favorites,

but there's a lot more songs on there. And I believe he has some other albums out, too. But I like to play the Christmas stuff. So we'll leave it right there. Hey, gang, I want to thank my premium members. More and more of you are joining up for $20 a year. The premium members are growing, and the more it grows, the more I want to do stuff and add stuff.

And so please get the app. on your iPhone or your uh your Android type in the Harland Highway and you will get the the app for free uh you get the latest 50 episodes of the show for free and then for 20 bucks you get 700 archived episodes that's a ton you get special stand-up comedy stuff I add special interviews special podcasts all kinds of great stuff so I said it quickly and I I I plugged it quickly, and there you go. So please join and have fun with us. Also, check out harlornowiams.com.

You can go into the store and buy some stuff for people that you missed at Christmas if you want. You can shop at harlorewilms.com. You can send me a letter, an email. We have a link on there where you can message me. or if you want to leave a phone message, just like Rich did, a very helpful, informative message, 323-739-4330.

It's a lot of fun. I love hearing from you guys. So don't hesitate. If you've been thinking about phoning, if you have been phoning, if you haven't been phoning, the majority of our calls come in from guys. So, ladies, please feel free.

to call in any time. Oh, hold on. It's a call coming in right now. How about this? Hello. Hi, Harlan. I just want to say I'm a huge fan. I hear you're looking for more female listeners.

And here I am. Thanks for making us laugh. Maybe you can do more prank calls because those are the funniest. Thanks, Harlan. Much love. Oh, much love to you too. Thank you so much. It's not that we don't have a lot of female listeners.

It says I think a lot of the female listeners. It says I think a lot of the female Now, listeners are a little more hesitant to call in. I'm not sure why. But I don't bite. Sorry, maybe I do bite. Maybe I've got a Charles Nelson Riley bite. But so call in, and you know what?

We're right there. We're right at the doorstep of Christmas. I want to wish everyone a happy, happy holidays. Have a great holiday season. Next podcast is our Christmas. podcast. Great stuff. And you know what? Speaking of calling in, why don't we, I know that we got a phone call from one of our pavement pounders, and I guess one of them sang us a Christmas carol. So as I said, you can call into any time. 323-739-4-3-30. Merry Christmas, happy holidays. Let's end

the show with a nice Christmas carol. From one of our listeners, and until next time, chicken chau-main, baby. Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle, bells, jingle, bow, single, bells, single bells, single bells, jingle, bell, jingle, I wish I could remember the rest.