The Harland Highway - 726 - WALLY the Xmas Elf. And an Xmas message from Queen Elizabeth

Episode Date: December 24, 2015

Wally the Elf responds to children's phone calls. Picking out presents. A song by the McKenzie Brothers. And a Christmas message from Queen Elizabeth the 2nd. Queen steam!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Merry Christmas from 1050 chum. All right, that's a logo from the radio show I used to listen to as a little boy growing up. 10.50 chum, and that was how they did Mary. And I just, it was in my head and I did it. Welcome to the Arland Iway podcast. This isn't 1050 chum. This is the Harlan Iway podcast. What a show we have today.

Oh, my God. Unbelievable. We're going to be talking about buying those last minute gifts for people and do you will yourself onto the gifts and it turns into a nightmare? We're going to talk about it because I know some of you are probably still running around. Also, we're going to hear a song from some famous Canadian crooners, a hilarious rendition of the 12 days of Christmas. You're going to love it.

Also, Wally, the Christmas elf is here, taking calls from some of the Christmas. of the children of the pavement pounders. He's going to be telling them about Christmas and talking about the toys and the reindeer and the Santas. And then during the show, unbelievable Queen Elizabeth from the United

Kingdom is going to be calling with a very special Christmas greeting. Yes, her majesty, the royal Queen Elizabeth, with a Christmas message for the Harland Highway. So here we go. Merry Christmas, everyone. This is the Harland Highway.

Where are I? What is this? Some kind of a joke or something? Welcome to the Harland Highway. What you're talking about Williams? Son, you got a panty on your head. Shut up and sit down, you big ball fuck. Oh, God, what's happening here?

What's happened? Hey, Harland, it's Shelby. You just made a wrong turn. On to the Harland Highway. We choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other thing. Not because they are easy, but because they are hard. That is fantastic. That's wrong with everybody in this crazy place.

The Harland Highway. What is it? The opening. To what? To another dimension. This is Harland Williams. You're a bad man. You're a very bad man.

That is fantastic. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. I'm so excited. I'm like a little boy waiting for Santa to come down the chimney and punch me in the face. No. No, no, no. Wait. No, Santa doesn't do that. Well, it's Christmas Eve Day. It's Christmas Eve night. It's the night before the big day. I've got presents under the tree.

Oh, I've got Christmas cards. I've got Christmas lights. Oh, stop it. Suppressed the Charles. Charles Nelson Riley. So we got a great show today. I want to kick it off. You know, as you guys know, I'm I'm an American citizen, but I'm also a Canadian citizen, born and raised in Canada. And growing up, we have these hilarious guys named Bob and Doug McKenzie. It's Rick Moranis from the Ghostbuster movies and Honey I Shrunk the Kids and just a hilarious guy. And Dave Thomas, who was one of the key cast members of Second City Television, which was a sketch show that was on in the 7th.

and the early 80s, I think. Just two hilarious guys, and they did these characters called the McKenzie Brothers, which are kind of the typical Canadian northern-Canadian hosers, they call them. A hosers kind of like a guy who wears a toque, which is like a hat, a winter hat, and drinks two-fours of beer, a two-four is like 24 beers in a case, and eats back bacon and smoke. smoke cigarettes and just a real like kind of a almost a Canadian version of a redneck but kind of a little

friendlier maybe and so these guys way back in the day they're very popular and they decided to do a version of the 12 days of Christmas through these characters they do the McKenzie brothers so without further ado to kick off our Christmas Eve day show let's get the McKenzie brothers in here and sing their hilarious version of the 12 days of Christmas. Okay, now, this is our Christmas song in case you don't know what to get somebody for Christmas.

There's lots of ideas in here, so listen and don't get stuck. Okay. By the way, that's me on the organ. Oh, jeez. You start. Okay. On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me a beer. On the second day of Christmas

My true love gave to me Two turtlenecks And a beer Okay, good On the third day of Christmas My true love gave to me Three French toast Two turtlenecks

And a beer Okay, that should be more there, right? Where? On the fourth day of Christmas My true love gave to me Four pounds of back bake Three French toast Two turtle necks

And a beer In on a year in a tree A fifth day of Christmas My true love gave to me Five golden tukes Four pounds of back bacon Three branch toes

Two turtlenecks And a beer In a tree Okay, on the six Two gold Christmas, my true love gave to me Six packs of two-four Five golden toks

Beauty Four pounds of back Three French toes Two turtle neck And a beer In a tree Okay On the seventh day of Christmas

My true love gave to me Seven packs of smoking Six pack to four Five golden tukes Four pounds a bag made Three French nose Two turtlenecks And a peer

In a tree This should just be the two days of Christmas It's too hard for us Gohoser Oh, eight day Christmas The Trulah gave to me Eight comic books Seven packs of Christmas

smoke six packs a two four five five golden two four pounds of back in a free french coat two and a beer yeah that beer is empty okay date uh... 12 good day and welcome to day yeah

golden two four pounded back made and three French host two turtleneck and a beer in a three We're doing to do that, uh, albums. So, nice, that's our song. Merry Christmas. And good day.

Good day, everybody. Happy, happy, happy New Year, too. Okay, you know what you left out? What? Donuts. I told you you get me donuts. Either on the ninth day or the tenth day or the tenth day or the 11th day. I want a donut, but I want.

Merry Christmas, everybody. Or on the 12th day, you could have got me a dozen donuts. Go on to the stars and get some presents. Like a good donut shop where if you buy a dozen, you get another one free. And then it would have been 13 for the 13 days of Christmas. Next Christmas, you can't be chains off. Take it off. Boy, that's on.

That's the beauty. Yeah, I think it ranks up there. with stairway to heaven. What? I love those guys. Love them. I hope you enjoyed that. Bob and Doug McKenzie.

So I was doing some last minute shopping the other day, and this is always something that, you know, you kind of have to fight your impulses when you're shopping. And I don't know if this happens to you guys, but in your desperation, in your search to find, you know, gifts for people, you kind of want to present them with something unique and thoughtful

and fun and different. And sometimes you, you know, you pick stuff up and, you know, your intent is good. And, you know, on its surface, the gift looks intriguing. But you really have to step back from your emotions and go,

are they ever going to use this? And you got to go, no. Like I was looking, I was in a bookstore the other end. There's this beautifully packaged thing. And it was like a calligraphy kit. And they had paper and they had fancy pens and ink and a book that showed you how to write calligraphy.

And I like, oh, well, so-and-so would love this. How unique and different is this? Right? Or I'll be in another store and I'll like, ooh, a journal. Look at the cover on that. that journal, there's a wolf howling at the moon and there's a dead tree in the background and some leaves blowing and my friend Larry will probably love to start like a dream journal or something. I'm sure my buddy Brock can't wait to jot down his deep thoughts when he gets

home from the driving his cement mixer around town. You know, and it's weird because you can't buy those gifts because you're kind of like willing your desire onto your friends. And you can't kind of go, oh, man, you know what I'm going to get for Sarah? This ice cream maker machine, now this is fun. Oh, man, instead of going down to the local 7-Eleven and just picking up a little cord of ice cream and eating it, Immediately, oh man, she can go to a giant ice machine and crush it up and get some butter and some milk and eggs and sugar and stir that crap for five hours, shove it in the freezer, churn it, put it back in the freezer, wait until it freezes, churn it up again, put some more ice in it, scoop it.

out, taste it. Tastes like sour buttermilk. Oh, man. Who doesn't want to make their own ice cream with this beautifully packaged ice cream maker?

Are you kidding me? And you get excited because you're like, oh, I'm going to be the friend. I'm going to be the friend that gets them, you know, something that they never saw coming. David and Sarah are going to, can you imagine? all the ice cream they're going to make.

I'll be surprised if they don't start their own, like, instead of Ben and Jerry's, it'll be called Sarah and Davids. Instead of Baskin Robbins, it'll be Sarah Davids. And they'll make all these flavors with the ice cream machine I bought them. And they can even write the menu with their calligraphy kit that I got them. So you've got to dial it back because, you know, you don't want to be the friend that just goes, Oh, yeah, some purple socks.

I know you like socks. Well, you know what? That's probably exactly what you should have got some socks. Because as soon as you leave the party, like, what are we going to do with a fucking ice cream machine? Wrap it up, let's give it to someone else. Are you fucking a calligraphy kit? Is this guy fucking with us?

He doesn't like us, does he? Why do we even invite him over? Who buys someone a fucking colloquy? What am I, William fucking Shakespeare? What am I going to write fucking plays with my fucking colligate? There's a fucking feather and a fucking nib in here. Darling, would ye please turn down thou music so I can writeest my fucking play? Thanks, Harlan, for the fucking calligraphy kit.

We'll be sure to FedEx you some of our delicious middle finger crunch ice cream. or up your cinnamon swirl ice cream. Good Lord. So I had to fight those urges. You got to be careful. And I know you've got the best of intentions, but just be careful. You might be that guy this year.

It's probably too late. Now you're probably sweating going, oh, my God. Oh, my God, I got the Johnson's that candy floss maker. Oh, no. Oh, no. I got my sister, the popcorn machine. Oh, God.

Oh, God, I got my buddy, the build the Eiffel Tower shower set. Oh, Christ, Harland. Oh, well, that's on you. Sorry. I'll send you some ice cream. Hold on. Hey, everybody. Who wants to have better sex?

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your back out. Oh, Roger's waving to me. Roger's waving to me through the booth. I think we have somebody calling in. Hang on. Wait, who? Who? Are you kidding me? Oh my God. That's incredible. Okay, Roger just sent me a little note here on my computer screen that, uh, this is This is wonderful. We have the Queen of England, Queen Elizabeth, the second. I guess she's calling in from the United Kingdom to offer up some Christmas cheer and some holiday thoughts. This is just fabulous.

I don't think every podcast gets the Queen of England on their show. So let's jump to that right now, Raj. This is great. uh patcher through right right now um hello uh hello your highness uh queen elizabeth hello yes yes your majesty uh this is uh harland williams oh hello holland it's so very very good to talk to you again yes uh your highness this is unbelievable we are so honored that you would call the harland highway and and have a christmas message for all our wonderful listeners, the pavement pounders.

Who got pounded? The pavement pounders, Your Highness? Somebody got pounded, did they? No, no, Your Highness, nobody got pounded because... Oh, I haven't been pounded in, must be

13, 30, 40 years since the last time good old Queen Elizabeth threw her legs open and let good King Henry stuff his magic. Your Highness, the pavement pounders is just a term of endearment, a title for my listeners. Oh, I see.

Okay, so just to be clear, nobody's been pounded. No, ma'am, your highness. Oh, gosh. Well, I certainly hope I get pounded soon. Your Highness, you had a message for our listeners here today. Oh, yes. We are having a wonderful, wonderful Christmas season here in the United Kingdom Palace and decked out to the nines. I'm sure it just looks beautiful, colorful lights and decorations, Your Highness.

Oh, yes, there's artificial snowflakes and the Christmas lights and all the trees. It's just absolutely standing. My gardeners have just gone above and beyond the protocol. Well, that is just wonderful to hear. And can I ask you, Your Highness, how do you prepare inside for Christmas? Do you do the traditional decorating? Do you have a Christmas tree? Oh, yes, Farland.

We have such a wonderful time. And this year we have the most spectacular tree. Unbelievable. Oh, wow. And where do you get your trees from? Out here, we get them from the northern forest. Do you have to import the tree? Oh, no, Holland this year.

We're having a very special tree right in my royal undies. I'm sorry, Your Highness? Right inside my royal undies is the royal Christmas tree, Holland. Um, I'm not sure I follow your majesty. Well, as you know, I'm almost a hundred years old. You can tell by my black gums and my brown teeth. Well, Your Highness... And as you know, I never ever shave my pubic area.

Oh, oh, boy. My pussy looks like a Shetland Ship Dog. Actually, a whole pack of Shetland Ship Dogs. Oh, Your Highness. Have you heard of this new Star Wars movie? Yes. your majesty. My old pussy looks like a walkie with an afro.

I mean, it's just puffed up beyond... Your majesty, if we can get back to the tree. Well, that's what I'm talking about, Harley. You see, the hair of my pussy has accumulated to such a giant mound that it's akin to any Christmas tree you'd find growing in the forest, old boy. Oh, my... Are you saying that the pubic hair on your royal? Pussy?

Your majesty. Well, that's what it is. What do you want me to call it, an egg salad sandwich? So you're saying all the hair is built up on your... Pussy? On your... Say it? Pussy!

Thank you, Holland. So that there's enough accumulations. there that... It stands about nine feet tall when I take my royal undies off. Wait a minute. Are you telling me you take your royal underpants off and there's so much hair

inside your panties that it pops up like a Christmas tree? Oh, just like a jack in the box. I mean, it's unbelievable. Sometimes good King Henry needs to get the royal crowbar and try my royal panties out. and that bush just pops up almost like a Christmas miracle, Holland.

Oh, my God! And this year we've decorated it with tinsel, we've decorated it with covered light, we've even put fresh cranberries in my bush. Your Majesty! Oh, the smell, it's just, it's so Christmassy. Your Majesty, please. And instead of putting a star on top of the tree this year, Yes, your majesty.

We decided to put something a little more international. I don't think I understand, Your Majesty. Well, there's a continuing problem with children in Africa being struck down by malaria and AIDS, and even a lack of good drinking water. Oh, yeah, it's a horrible situation. You know, literally millions of little African children. and, you know, unfortunately, perish every year from all the disease. Yes, I know, Holland, and that's why this year,

instead of putting a star on top of the royal bush, we've decided to put a little figurine of a little black boy. I'm sorry, Your Highness? A little black boy with his belly sticking out and his rib cage protruding almost through his flesh like a living skeleton. Your Highness, wait a minute now. It's a very, very heartfelt tribute to the toil and the tribulations that all these poor suffering underdeveloped children. Your Majesty, hold on.

Now, I get it that you want to acknowledge the plight of these poor, unfortunate people, and I think that's very noble, and I think it's very respectful to do, but I don't know if you had told me you put that on top of a pine tree or a, you know, a poplar or a Dutch pine, something that was from the forest. I told you, Harlan, we've put the little black boy red up on top of the royal Christmas tree. But your highness, you also told us that your royal Christmas tree is your pubic hair covered with cranberries and candy canes and Christmas. light. And don't forget the tinsel holl and also what we've done every strong popcorn around on a string of some delicious buttered popcorn. And now that I think of it rather tragic that this delicious popcorn swirls all the way around the tree right up into the footprint of the starving

and maciated little black boy who most assuredly in the real world would gobble up that popcorn and be healthy again. Majesty, this, boy, oh boy, I don't like to tell royalty what to do, but this just feels politically incorrect. I mean, first of all, using your, your... Pussy! Your majesty? The royal pussy! As a Christmas tree is not really what I find very Christmassy, and even though your intent was noble to bring the attention to the plight of starvation.

in Africa to put an emaciated skeletal little black boy with a bulging belly and big eyes. And we've even managed to put little flies all around his eyes, Holland, just like you see on the telly. I'm sorry? Well, you know, on the telly, when you see the little flies all around the little children's eyes? Okay. And the crust, the wonderful crust on the sides of the mouth. Your Majesty, I feel like maybe you're a little out of touch. And Farbury, for me to say this, a cheap podcaster huddled in an office building in Hollywood, California, but this is just, I know you're trying to be sensitive and you're trying to...

Are you going to keep rambling, or are we going to talk about the Royal Christmas Pussy Tree? Your Highness. There are other things I've done that are quite Christmassy, Holland. Oh, okay. Now, have you ever seen the colored pine caird that you throw in the fire? Yes, Your Highness. Well, I've taken my royal bra off and the Royal Tatas are as dry as a pine cone and we roast them on the fire and the whole palace smells like honey roasted tit meat.

Your Highness, are you okay? And let me tell you about the three-hour fire log we have burning in the fireplace. I ate and eight and eight until finally I was able to push out a three hour of... Your Highness, I think we have to go between your fire log and your royal tattas

painted up as pine cones and the little African boy sitting on top of... The Royal Pussy! Your Highness, I've got to go. Merry Christmas to you, Holland. And I hope, as you said, at the beginning of the show,

gives you a royal pounding. No, I said pavement pounders. Open your legs and get pounded all through the holidays of the first day of Christmas. What you gave to me a royal pounding right between my spread eagle's legs of the second day. Your Highness, we have to go. Of Christmas, my chute.

Hang up, Roger. A royal pounding and some anils. Hang up. Holy Christ! Wow! That might... That just might have ruined everyone's Christmas that's listening. Where do...

What is, I get it that she's old. You know, the Queen Elizabeth is aging, ladies and gentlemen. Let's face it. And maybe, you know, the faculties are a little, uh, a little tweaked. So I'm willing to give a little wiggle room here That maybe, you know, all the lights aren't on on the tree But good God It's really tough to walk the line with that type of talk

I really, really apologize If that ruined anyone's Christmas But I think we can get it back As you know Let me take a breath here the royal the little black boy and the plum

jeez I think we can pull it back because as I promised Wally the Christmas elf Santa's number one elf he's just finishing up in the workshop tonight's the big night

and some of you had your children call in to talk to Wally, to ask Wally Christmas questions. He's going to get this stuff into Santa, just before Santa gets on his sleigh. So, Roger, let's put the queen behind us. We appreciate the sentiment that she was trying to be Christmassy and give us a message. I think it took a left turn. But having Wally the Christmas Elf on, well, it should bring it all back. And we'll end the show with Wally.

Roger can, okay, you've got them. You're through to the workshop. Okay, let's patch him through. Wally, the Christmas elf, with your phone calls, the children of the pavement pounders. Here we go. Get us up to the workshop in the North Pole, Raj. Hello, hello, Wally, are you there? Wally, the Christmas elf, are you there?

Oh, hello, how are you today? We're doing great, Wally. It sure sounds busy up there. Are you kidding me? It's Christmas Eve day. It's Christmas Eve. We're going crazy up here. How are you?

We're great, Wally. We have some wonderful phone calls from some of the children, from the pavement pounders here at the Harland Highway podcast. Oh, yeah, those kids, we do this every year. We talk to the little kids, the little bastards, the little kids. And what do we got? What do we got? Because I'm very busy.

Hang on a second. Elvis. No, get the screw driver out of the teddy bear's eyeball. What are you, come on. It's Christmas team, get it together, man. I'm sorry, what were you saying? Yes, Wally, we have some wonderful collars, some of the kids. Oh, yes, the kids, the kids, okay.

Can you put them on? Let's hear what they have to say. Absolutely, Wally. Here's our first caller from one of our pavement pounders, a wonderful, uh, little kid. All right, put the little bath that he had the kid on. Here we go. Hey, he's from Seattle.

What's in Seattle? What? What did he say? I want to ask what the reindeer center really, what has reindeer. Is that what he said? Does Santa have reindeer? I think he, I think that was the question,

Wally. Well, of course he's got rain. I should know. I have to shovel the manure out of those things. I mean, It's not like they're a house cat or anything. I mean, there's blitzin, there's Wolf Blitzer, there's dancer, there's a private dancer, there's a, there's, uh, what of the name? Who, hold on, who's the other race, the one with the light bulb on his nose? He's the one that's like, he's an electric ear when he, when he pees on a fence, he gets shocked. Who?

Yeah, Rudolph, Rudolph, he got Rudolph. I got to change his light bulb. That ain't easy to do when he's in a bad mood I'll tell you those animals don't feel any good But yeah there's rain there And Santa's got all kinds of rain They keep him out in the barn And me and the else

We gotta do a little shoveling When it gets dirty up there But they're getting saddled up right now We're getting ready to load them up And fly them out So if there's any UPS and FedEx airplanes Let's get the hell out of our way We got presents to deliver all right

Wow Wally you seem to be getting a little temperamental. Can I just hear the rest of this kid's message? I got the... Hold on a second. What are you doing, Bernie? No. No, no, no. You don't put raisins in the bottom of the stump of pot of it.

People are getting, get them out of there. Go ahead and play the rest of the message. Okay, Wally, here we go. Thank you. Hey, Wally, up. And I want for Christmas. What's he say? Uh, toy, um, horses and a guy that cleans.

What, he sounds like he said he wanted horses and a guy that cleans them? Poopies. What, pooping? He has a little rake to clean. A rake to clean. And then he puts it in a little bucket. Put it in a bucket. Puts it in a little bucket.

This kid should be working for me. You want to be an elf kid? It sounds like a little bucket. You want a toilet, I can get you to clean up those reindeer. Bye, Wally. I, I would, uh... What? What's he want for, I can't hear.

Uh... Speak up, kid. What's he... I need, I have water to use it. Get free. Uh, uh, um, I need a pet, I want a pet lizard because of this too. Bye, Wally.

A pet lizard. What? Bye, Wally. I don't know what a pet, that's something alive. I make toys here, kid. What do you want me to get inseminated by an iguana, lay down and get burned to a lizard? I don't get live things, but I make toys.

I can make you a toy lizard. What do you want to lie? Your pet lizard, what am I? What is it? Who is this kid? Well, Wally, I guess, you know, kids don't always know the... Well, all right, you got someone out. That was a wonderful kid.

Merry Christmas, kids. And if you need a job shoveling the, you know, manure putting it in a bucket, you know where we are, the North Pole. Well, Wally, I don't think you should be recruiting kids to clean reindeer manure. Well, you were the kid. He wanted some kind of shovel and bucket arrangement. He said he wanted a horse, and he wanted to shovel the sh- guy, Wally? Well, I'm just repeating what he said.

Okay, let's move on, Wally. All right, put the next little bag, the next kid on. Here we go, Wally. Grace, you are five and a half years old, and I want to tell you that this is the phone number to Wally, the Christmas help, and he is Santa's favorite helper. So do you have anything you want to say to Wally and ask about Santa or tell Santa what you want for Christmas? Hey, Wally. Who is it? This is Grace.

How does Santa make presents? Merry Christmas. Oh, what? Merry Christmas. Oh, isn't that wonderful? What a great. Can I say, first of all, what a beautiful name, Grace. I say Grace before dinner every night.

Me and the Elf, sit around the Elf table and eat elf food, and we always say grace. So what a beautiful name. Grace, thank you so much for calling. How does Santa make presents? Listen, I don't mean to, you know, I'm not trying to get angry here, but, listen, Santa doesn't make the presence. We make the presents. We're the elves, okay? We're the slave land.

Well, we're not the slave labor, but we're the ones in the, you know, in the sweatshop. I mean, in the workshop, we hammer and we nail and we thrill and we spend all year. We make the presents, okay, Grace. Santa Claus, he delivers the presents. But all that work, all the gluing and the nailing and the stuffing, that's all done by us. Me and Melvin and Bernie and Hardy and all the else in here. We're working 24 hours a day all year long to make you hold on a second. Hey, hey, Bernie, what are you doing?

No, you don't put the truck. You don't drive the toy train over Raggedy and throat. Well, if you want to cut Raggedy Ann, head off you do. Get off that train. Get to work. We got things to do. Hold on. Grace, anyways, doll.

We do all the work here. We're proud to be sent as else. And Wally loves you. and Wally loves your daddy and thank you so much for calling we hope Santa gives you everything you want for Chris and hang on a secrete no

get off the train and stop running over the teddy bear's bottom the last thing we want to do is have a kid open up president the teddy bear the straight track monster fraud and Bill Fourier sit on get hang up all right great you have a very

Merry Christmas thank you for calling Wally the Lowe Wow Wally That was, it is a beautiful name. It sure is. Great. Well, let's get to, do you have time for one more call, Wally? I have time for one more, but we're very busy.

Let's do our last one to Wally the Elf. And then unfortunately, I'm sorry I couldn't take all the calls, but I got to get it. It's a big day. It's a big night. I'm going to get back to making the presents, okay? Absolutely, Wally. Let's get one more call in here.

Let's see. Here we go, Wally. One wonderful caller right here who wants to talk to Wally, Santa's top elf up at Santa's Workshop, whereas Wally just told you they make the Elfs are responsible for all the toys and taking care of the reindeer. Just what a team of hard workers. Here you go, Wally.

Here's your call. Hey, Harlan, this message is for Willie the Elf. Willie? Hi, Santa. Did he call me Willie? You know why you want to puttisness? What is she whopping Willie? I want an airbag to shoot, roofing.

What? Roofies. Roofies? Roofie. This kid, this kid wants roofies? What the hell can't you? Wally, take it easy. First of all, this guy calls me Willie, okay, it's Wally.

I'm the head out. You know where Willie is? Hang on. Willie. Yeah, are you back there sleeping behind the candy cane? Get the hell up and get back to work. Willie is one of our worst selves. Don't ever call Wally Willie.

Okay, that's number one. And number two, what the roofies? This kid wants roofies? I don't know what's on this kid's mine, hanging out at the bars looking for easy marks or something. This is crazy. Wally doesn't make rupees. We have been known to make a little ecstasy

and a little molly enough bit. Time to make a few ex- I'm sorry, Wally? What did I, what did I say? Um, you, you, you said you were making ecstasy and, and Molly? No, I said, Wally, Wally. I thought I heard you say you guys make Molly. What?

No, I said, I'm Wally. The agony, so we make a little crack on the side. Have you ever seen Breaking Bad? Okay. How about- Okay, Wally? I think maybe we better wrap it up.

I think you're right. I think where I got a lot of work to do. Hold on. Melvin, put your clothes on. Melvin, put your Greenleian Tarts back on and your curly Elpshoot. Do not pee. Don't you dare pee. Don't you dare pee on the Star Wars figures.

I don't care if the forces with them. Pull up your pants. All right, I got to get gone. a little loopie over here, Holland. All right, Wally. Merry Christmas. Thank you for taking our calls. I know this is the busiest night of the year for you. Well, Merry Christmas to all of you.

All your little children that called in. Wally, the Elf loves you. He loves you. He loves you. All the Elves loves you. Santa Claus loves you. Merry Christmas to all you little kids. Be good. I hope Santa gives you what you want.

And Wally loves you from the bottom of his heart. Goodbye. Merry Christmas. Melvin, put your clothes on. Okay, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. Mercy, it's a sweet Christmas plum cake. Well, there you go, Flirtle-Nergens and Blurgens. That was a direct line right up to the North Pole

as the big day approaches tomorrow. We got through live to Wally the Elf, Santa's number one top elf, Not Willie the elf, Wally. He got a little fired up there. But nonetheless, you know, you can imagine his blood pressure is probably pretty high right now. He's working, making crack and making toys for the kids. And we want to thank all you pavement powders for getting your wonderful, beautiful kids on the line. Such a pleasure to hear their little voices this time of year,

the excitement in their voices to be talking to Wally. The Christmas elf, fantastic. So I hope all their dreams come true this Christmas and hopefully we can get Wally back next year. Before we go, everybody, hey, from the bottom of my heart, Merry, Merry Christmas to all of you. Happy holidays, whatever you celebrate, if it's not Christmas, if it's something else, wishing you just a wonderful, wonderful day. And it's a beautiful time of year.

It's a beautiful season. Joy to the world. Joy to your hearts, happiness to your family and your loved ones. And from me to you, ho, ho, ho, Merry Christmas. We'll leave it right there. No endorsements. No little plugs. We'll just get right out of here.

And chicken, shall mean, baby? on my pussy has accumulated to such a giant mound that it's akin to any Christmas tree you'd find growing in the forest, old boy. Thank you.