The Harland Highway - 736 - GEORGE MICHAEL from WHAM calls in and ruins a BOWIE tribute.

Episode Date: January 28, 2016

A wonderful tribute tot he life and times of David Bowie. Harland sings one of Bowie's number 1 hits to a packed house. George Michael from WHAM calls in and tries to ruin it all. All, all, ya'll!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Uh, yeah. Bump, bump, bump, bump. Let's podcast. Dint, d'n, d'n, let's podcast. Yes, we are podcasting today. We are remembering the voice, the talent, the times of David Bowie. He passed away just weeks ago, and it's one of those deaths that made everyone feel bad, I believe. He touched our lives in so many ways.

So we're going to be talking about his life, his work. I'm going to do a musical tribute to David Bowie. I'm going to be singing one of his biggest hits live in front of a live audience. And then I believe George Michael from Wham, who actually knew David Bowie, is going to be calling in to, I don't know why he's calling in. But you know it's going to be annoying, and I'm almost dreading it. But so most of today's show dedicated to rock star, actor, musician, writer, entrepreneur, artist, David Bowie. Rest in Peace.

And this podcast is for you. David, this is The Harland Highway. Where am I? What is this? Some kind of a joke or something? Welcome to the Harland Highway. What are you talking about words? Son, you got a panty on your head.

Shut up and sit down, you big ball fuck. Oh, God, what's happening here? What's happening? Hey, Harland, it's Shelby. You just made a wrong turn. On to the Harland Highway. We choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other thing. Not because they are easy, but because they are hard.

That is fantastic. That's wrong with everybody in this crazy place. The Harland Highway. What is it? The opening. To what? To another dimension. This is Harland Williams.

You're a bad man. You're a very bad man. That is fantastic. Let's dance. Yeah. Let's dance. Let's dance. Oh, wow, what a song.

What a, what a man, what a legacy, what brilliance. Yes, a little tribute to David Bowie here. Just literally just a little over a week since he passed away. And maybe a week and a half, maybe two weeks. But he just, as you haven't heard the news. I don't know what planet you're living on, but David Bowie passed away. I don't know how meaningful he was to you, how much he impacted your life, but he's one of these musicians that, you know, meant a lot to me.

He was part of, you know, he was kind of there with me as I grew up from the very first song as I heard, which was space oddity, when I was a little tiny boy, probably still, you know, under 10 years old when I heard space oddity. One of my older sisters picked up the 45 and used to listen to it. And so I got turned on to Bowie at a very young age. And then, you know, as I grew up, he grew up. And as I carried on with my life, he carried on with his life and continued to produce incredible music, original music, innovative music,

artistic music he could create commercial music he could create obscure music uh here's a guy that dabbled in acting here's a guy that dabbled in uh you know writing here's a guy that dabbled in producing here's a guy that did all kinds of things and uh you know he was in uh he was in uh he was in uh that movie the labyrinth i think it was kind of a like a jim henson type movie. All right, we can hit hit the music, Roger,

I kind of reminisce here. Turn it down. Thank you. And he was in the labyrinth. He was in all kind of Merry Christmas, Mr. Lawrence, which was kind of an intense war movie. He was in a whole bunch of

crazy movies. I think there was kind of like a semi-horror movie in the 70s or early 80s called The Hunger. uh so he did a lot of stuff but but more than anything his his music was uh what he'll be remembered for and his his sense of style which changed uh often uh he was a chameleon you know and in the 80s he had one look in the 70s he had another look in the 60s he had another look in the 90s he had a you know a whole different look always changing keeping people guessing

and he was one of these musicians who quite early on really pushed the boundaries of rock and roll and the theatrics of rock and roll and the art of rock and roll. You know, he created an alter ego, a different personality named Ziggy Stardust, and he had his crazy red hair, and he kind of sometimes dressed like a woman, and he wore makeup, and, you know, it was just, It was just pretty, pretty wild. And so he was one of the early, early pioneers of rock and roll who kind of came onto the scene. And his, I think his influence and his style have touched many, many other musicians and artists as they've grown up and pursued their artistic pursuits.

So, a real incredible guy. And, you know, like I said, he was part of my life. I used to listen to him on my Walkman. I used to, you know, I'd walk home from college through the woods and down the roads and through the trails. And I'd be listening to David Bowie. I'd listen to that, his album, Scary Monsters. And then when I was a kid, I'd listen to David Bowie's greatest hits, with the young American and space odyssey and fame

and all those great songs that he wrote. And I remember my mom and dad used to, you know, I grew up in Canada and they'd throw me out on the driveway in the middle of the night during snowstorms so that I would, you know, they'd make me shovel the snow. They'd make me shovel the snow off the driveway. I mean, who are these guys? You know, my dad.

Dad didn't want to drive out in the morning and go through snow and potentially get stuck. So he'd send me out like 11 o'clock at night. Here's little old Harland, you know, dressed up in his snow clothes. We had a big long driveway, and I'd shoveled his damn driveway, and I'd put my Walkman on and listen to David Bowie. I remember clearly listening to his music out in the snow and, you know, walking and, riding the bus and singing at night I would put Space Odyssey on and I would pretend to play the guitar

and I'd sing it at the top of my lungs along to the record and my two little sisters who were in the bedroom next to me. I'd do it so much that they'd literally fall asleep even when I had the music on full blast because they'd get so tired and they'd get so used to me wailing that they'd just fall asleep like my volume switch on my stereo and up to 10,

I think I'd have it at a 9. And I'd just be singing this song and I'm actually going to play as a little tribute to Dave of Bowie in a second here. I'll tell you a little story about Bowie and I'm going to sing a little bit of a little Diddy as kind of a remembrance to David Bowie.

But before I go, just the other night, me and a whole group of friends went down in L.A. here and they had David Bowie tribute night. And we went to a couple. It was like a multi-leveled like disco nightclub type of thing. And they had DJ spinning and they had old movies. You know, they had movies up on the screen and images of Bowie and concert. And, you know, a lot of the girls and guys were dressed.

like Bowie all the way from his let's dance days where he kind of wore, you know, fancy suits and modern clothing to back in his Ziggy Star Dust days with the lightning bolt painted across his face. And it was really cool, man. And it's one of those things. Bowie's the kind of artist that put out so much good music over the decades. You kind of forget how much he put out until you hear it all played back to back in one night and you know most bands hope to have one or two hit songs in a career

David Bowie must have had two or three dozen hit songs in his career it's just amazing so hats off to a David Bowie and loving memory of David Bowie I dedicate part of this podcast I don't know if he touched your life at all but I'm sure at some point in time you have grooved and listened to the man's work and music And now this last little bit here, when I was also a teenager, me and my cousin Christopher, we used to go out on the weekends and we'd walk from suburban Toronto to downtown Toronto where all the pinball parlors were. That's right, pinball.

And we would walk down the street. It was probably about a three, four mile walk, but we would do it, you know, in the hot summer nights. And we'd laugh and run and sing. And one of the songs we'd always sing together was, David Bowie Space Oddity. We'd both kind of just harmonized together and sing as we'd walk down the street. And that was a fond memory for me. So not too long ago, just about two months ago, I was asked to sing at a show here in Los Angeles

called The Best Goddamn Comedy Jam. Please look it up on the internet. It's a great night of entertainment. but the premise of the show is comedians go out and do 12 minutes a stand-up, then they tell a little story about a song that meant something to them, and then they sing the song live with a band. They have a live band there, and we sing. And the crowd gets to enjoy comedy and music.

And so I told the story about me and my cousin walking down the street, listening, singing David Bowie's Space Oddity together. and then I broke into songs. So it was a little tribute from me to David Bowie, a little remembrance to his great, great work, and how much affection I had and admiration I had for him as an artist and an individual. This is me jamming out to one of his most popular songs,

Harland Williams, laying down some space oddity. Rest in peace, you brilliant man. David Bowie. We were buddies. We'd just walk and we'd wear our leather jackets with our Iron Maiden patches on the back. And this was a song. We just liked this song and we'd sing it back and forth to each other. And it's a classic Bowie song.

And don't you like it? Ground control to make your song Ground control to make it on Take your protein bills and put your going on Ground control for major tones Let's make a lot of tea Because I'm out now and just One

Three Two Yeah It's one Let's make a lovely With you With you One

Two Three Four Four rain and the people want to blow who's

church you wear now it's trying to leave the castle can be dead this is come to

go and go I'm getting to a hell when I'm poaching in a most but you're looking away

When the stars were barely different Today When I'm here I told you can find in here Oh, across the world When you learn this blue There's nothing you can do One, two, three, four.

Oh, I've passed 100,000 miles. I'm feeling very still. And I think my spaceship knows which way to go. Tell my wife I love her very much, you know. If you don't know what made you talk You're talking? Your son is a man There's nothing more

Can you hear me make the song? Can you hear me make the song? Can you hear me make the song? When you hear me I'm like my children I love I love this cool

and there's nothing I can do Oh Woo Ah! I say Artoe, you really are a potty than a robot. Artoe, don't greet me yet, Chewbacca! There it is a crowd. Thank you.

What a crowd. Thank you. God bless you. We love you, Detroit. Uh, Though I've crossed 100,000 miles, I'm feeling Very still.

Oh, I love it. Can't stop singing it, man. It's infectious. Oh, oh. So there you go, man. I'll leave it right there. What a guy. I hope you enjoyed that live rendition.

I hope David isn't in heaven cringing. He's like, what the hell is that? Oh, my God. That's what? Sorry to interrupt. Who's calling? George. Hey, everybody. Who wants to have better sex? No? Yes? Yes. The answer is yes. You always want to have

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and 100% free shipping. Code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. Michael, that guy from Wham? Oh, no, no, no, no. I don't want to talk to that guy. My God, no.

He says he needs to talk to you. What does he want? I don't know. Oh, look, I'm busy. Don't put them through. Oh, come on, Roger. No, no, no, no, no, no, God. Hello. Hello. Hello. I said hello. How are you today? Oh, God. Have you been drinking? Uh, have you been eating? What do you mean have I been eating? What do you mean have I been eating? Oh, yes, really, if I've been drinking, so I asked you if you've been eating. Oh, my God. And what are you going to do?

If you ask me if I've been pissing, I'll ask you if you've been shitting. All right, knock it off, right out of the gate, you're inappropriate. Well, look at you, Mr. O'Roy and mighty, eh, Arland? Ending up there at you ivory tower, looking down on all us peasants, eh? Just because you got a fucking podcast, eh? Stop swearing. Fuck shit, fuck shit, pussy fucking shit, fuck and shit fuck and shit fuck and shit fuck and shit fuck and shit fucking shit fuck and shit fuck. Stop it.

Now knock off the foul language. Can I say something? Oh, then. What? Shit fuck, pussy, shit fuck, cunt fuck. Stop it! Why are you phoning here? Well, you know, one of my best friends died lately,

and I heard you were doing a show about David Bowie. Who? David Bowie, Ireland. David Bowie? Oh, right. Look at you. Why'd you go to an old boy's boarding school, Arland? Yeah, actually, I did.

You think I could get the address? It sounds delicious. Knock it off. What was the name of your old boys' boarding school, Arland? Why? Oh, I don't know, Arden. I guess a man gets hungry now and then, doesn't he? Stop it.

You're being creepy. Shit, fuck, cunt, fuck this shit, fuck this shit. Stop swearing! I should see if you're still in it all, and it got a little quiet there for a minute? What do you want? Well, I see you've done a whole fucking podcast on David Bowie. Bowie.

Booy. Bowie. Bowie. Bowie. Bowie. Bowie. Bowie. That's stuck.

So what if I did a whole segment on David Bowie? Well, maybe he'd like to do a segment on me, Arland. And why would I want to do a segment on you, George? It's George Michael. My whole name, Arlen, is George Michael. Don't you say half of it? That's like if you go on a fucking airplane on American Airlines, You don't say, oh, I'm flying on American.

Well, actually, I do say that. Up your shit fuck, pussy shit, fuck, cunt. Stop! Stop! You're swearing her I'm hanging up. Speaking of hanging, Alan, I noticed she didn't do a tribute today with a booie until he passed away, aye? So?

Well, maybe I'm standing here in my... London flat with a rope around my neck. You say hanging up, and I'm about to hang myself. Why are you standing in your London flat with a rope around your neck? Well, if that's what I've got to do to get my own segment on the All-in-Eaway podcast in the United A-O-A-O-Hara. What? The United States.

States of America? That's right, Holland. Lucky you got the fucking cucumbers out your ears, eh? Surprise, it's not one of the penises from your old boys

boarding school. And what was the address that I guess? Stop asking me the address for the all boys boarding school. Could you just

give me the first name? Stop it! Now, you're not going to get your own segment on my podcast. because you're committing suicide. Well, it sounds like the only way George Michael could get out of the handsom these days if he's dead.

Well, that's not true. They play your music all the time. Yeah, but they don't say nice things about George Michael, so I don't have to kill myself like David Bowie. David Bowie did not kill himself. He passed away from cancer. Oh, look at you bringing the mood down, hey, Arlen? We're talking about cancer.

Well, if David Bowie could get cancer, I could get cancer too. If that right, it's very minute since I'm already hanging up near the raft is I'm going to go punch my hand through the drywall. Oh, I just punched wet. What are you doing? I just punched my fist through the drywall, Arlen. Why would you do that? Because I'm in the ceiling and all kinds of asbestos covered with cancer. What?

You know asbestos, Alan? Yes, I know asbestos. It's a highly toxic, toxic material that they used to insulate homes way back in the day. And my flat's very old. Arlen, and it's full of his bestos up in my attic, so now I'm rubbing it all over my, let me take my clothes off. Don't take your clothes off. Too late, Arland, I'm standing here with a loose around me neck, completely naked, my tallywacker

hanging out, by the way, all the way to the floor, I might add. Your tallywacker does not hang all the way to the floor. How would you know? Oh, right, I just remembered. You went to an old boys' boarding school, didn't you? Stop it. By the way, Arland, you have the name of that place. Stop asking me the name of the old boys boarding school.

Well, it does sound delicious, Arland. Stop it! What are you doing with the asbestos? I'm rubbing it all over my breasts, Harlan. Oh, it's itchy. I'm going to get cancer clots and blood clots and I'm going to have a stroke and I'm going to hang myself

so I get my own segment on your fucking podcast. You do not have to die to get your own segment. Well, that's what David Bowie does, isn't it? Oh, my goodness. What are you doing? I'm rubbing asbestos. Poisonous cancerous asbestos. all over my tallywacker, Arland.

Stop saying tallywacker. Piss shit fucking tallywacker. Stop swearing. Oh my goodness. I never knew espestose was so soft, darling. It feels like a pile of pubic hair that I found on the bathroom floor down at the subway station.

Stop it! Are you telling me you found a pile of pubic hair in a public restroom at a subway station and rubbed it all over more tallywack i just thought the asbestos all right i'm hanging up if you don't stop it well maybe i'll just jump right now no you won't three stop counting two stop it you're not going to hang yourself one stop it What the hell? George? George Michael?

Michael? Oh, my God. Roger, I think we might have just had a suicide on the air. Did you hear that? It sounded like George Michael just hung himself. Holy shit. Now I'm Oh my god, poor George Michael. Ah, you're fucking with you all, and you sent my whole fucking name for the first time. You idiot! Oh my God, look at you. It's not I have to fucking hang myself to get my name said properly. What's the matter with you, George?

Oh, now you're hit. It's George Michael, you shut of a bitch. I'm going to rent a helicopter, get the propeller going as fast as I can. Fly up your ass and pretend I'm looking around in the Grand Canyon, you fucking sir. Stop it. Stop pretending to hang yourself. Stop rubbing asbestos on your naked body, on your tallywacker, and stop asking you about the address for your old boys' boarding school. Stop it! I feel bad at my mate, David D.

booing passed away, Arland. We all do, but you're making it worse. I'd like to sing one of his songs if you don't mind. No, I don't think anyone wants that. Oh, put on your red shoes and dance the blues. Stop it. My little China girl, she said, just you shot your mouth. Why don't you shut your mouth?

mouth, George Michael. And when I get excited, my little chink. What did you just say? I said my little china girl, Ireland. No, you used a racial slander. What, because I said chink. You don't use that term. My little china, chink.

Stop it. This is racist, beyond belief, Ruining David Bowie's song Hang up on him, Roger. I'm not going to have this on the show. Stop it, hang up! My damn shit, David, shit, fuck. Hang up!

What's a matter with that idiot? You don't use the C word. Saying the... Pardon me. My Asian listeners, friends, this is, get them out of here. Saying the C word, pardon me for repeating a chink, is like saying the N word. What is, Roger, first of all, he's drunk, he's, he's, what is the matter with that guy? I just did a beautiful tribute to David Bowie, and this guy phones up and totally obliterate.

it and ruins it. And my Asian listeners and not just my everybody with sensible sensibilities, you know, I apologize for George Michael from Wham using the C word and especially my Asian listeners. Please accept my apology. What an idiot. You know what, Roger? I'm going to end the show right here. Because that was just, you know, I tried to do a nice little, you know, thing for the David Bowie's memory.

And this moron comes in and craps all over it using inappropriate racial slurs, saying his name wrong, bastardizing his songs, swearing, I mean, good Lord. My apologies across the board, everyone, that this. His wonderful, nice tribute had to be ruined by George Michael from Wham. Let's just do the announcements, Roger. I'm too pissed to keep going. Okay, what do we got, ladies and gurgle gargans? If you want to come and see me do my first stand-up comedy tour of the year,

2016, this is where you got to go. I will be in Tampa, Florida, at the Empress. Tampa, Florida, February 3rd through the 6th. That's Wednesday through Saturday. Tampa Florida Improv, and then the following week, I will be in Orlando, Orlando, Florida at the Improv. That's going to be Thursday, February 11th to Valentine's Day, the 14th. So come on out and get all romantic with me at the Orlando Improv.

Then later in the month, I will be at Scottsdale, Arizona, at the House of Comedy. That's going to be February 25th through the 28th. Great brand new club out there, high-tech club, you've got to check it out. And then going into March, March 10th to the 13th, the Houston Improv. And here's a first announcement. For this one, there is going to be a great comedy event, a great comedy concert. You can't miss this. It's in April, April 7th to the 9th.

It's going to be in Iowa and Illinois. It's called The Comedy Party. Yes, sir, the comedy party. It's four amazing comics rolled into one at some beautiful theaters. on April 7, 8, and 9. It's me, Polly Shore, Tom Green, and Bobby Lee from Mad TV. Four of us all doing our show together on the same stage in one night, The Comedy Party.

Please go to Harlandwilliams.com. You can buy your tickets now. Those ones are going to fill up super fast, probably sell out. So please get to Harlan Williams.com. and you will see on my stand-up tour link. You will see a special event banner up there, and whatever venue you click on, it will take you right to the Ticketmaster link

where you can reserve your seats. You want to get good seats for that one, man. Polly Shore, Tom Green, Bobby Lee, and me, The Comedy Party, April 7, 8, and 9. I hope we see you there, guys it's going to be a blast and while you're at harland williams.com check out the store we have all kinds of crazy merchandise um going to be a blast and uh what else can i tell you uh you can write me at the at the website at the contact link harland williams.com you can send

me an email you can call me and leave a voicemail 323 739 43330 that's 323 3739, 43.30, the number is on the website. And also, don't forget to sign up for the Harland Highway podcast app. So now you can listen to the podcast on your phone, anytime, anywhere, through your headphones, in your cubicle, riding on the subway, cutting your grass. I'll be right there with you. And don't forget we have the premium content feature for $20 a year. year. Yes, that's right. I didn't say a month. They said a year. $20 a year, you can get my extra podcast called Let's Have a Fight, which is a great verbal boxing match between comedians and actors and celebrities. You get special clips from Aunt Ruthie and all my characters. You get

all kinds of live stand-up. It's special stuff just for premium members. So please join today. And that's it. Speaking of today, today is over for me. I am going to move on to the next day and get to work on the next podcast for you guys. By the way, all the money that goes to from the premium content does help support all the podcast stuff I do. I don't have sponsors. I don't have other sources of income for it because I don't really like that. So I'd rather get it from people that are passionate about it and are, you know, want to help contribute to keep it all going. So that's you guys. And I, we have been getting great response with the premium content.

Thank you to all you premium members for joining up. It means a hell of a lot to me. I appreciate your support. You are the best. You are the breast. So there you go. That's it, guys, gals, lurtle flurdens and gongle doggins. until next time

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