The Harland Highway - 737 - Harland goes to GROUNDHOG DAY! Update on DONALD TRUMP!

Episode Date: February 1, 2016

Harland is forced to go to GROUNDHOG DAY by his boss MR. FEATHERSTONE. Donald Trump update as the election gets deeper. Jeeper creeper!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hello, how are you? Hey, everybody, this is Harlem Williams. How are you, as I just sang? You are on the Harland Highway podcast. Welcome, one and all. What a show we have today. Groundhog Day is tomorrow. And, you know, that's the thing where the little groundhog comes out of the ground.

And it sounds like my boss, Mr. Featherstone, for whatever reason, wants me to have. attend Groundhog Day. I don't know what the hell he's got up his sleeve. Maybe it's a promo thing. I don't know what he's thinking, but I'm heading out to Pensacotti Pete to Gobbler's knob or whatever it is and something to do with Groundhogs Day. So stay tuned for that.

And then early in the show, we're going to be talking about Donald Trump, whether you like him or hate him. I'm going to be commenting on where he's at. in the presidential race. I guess the Iowa caucus is today, and I don't know if he's going to win or lose it, but I kind of want to comment more

on the press's attitude and the public's attitude towards Donald Trump, the ups and downs, the pros and cons, kind of just kind of evaluate where he's at and how that's going. So here we go. It's going to be a wild podcast.

This is the Harland Highway. What am I? What is this? Some kind of a joke or something? Welcome to the Harland Highway. What you're talking about words? Son, you got a panty on your head. Shut up and sit down, you big ball fuck. Oh God, what's happening here? What's happening? Hey, Harlan, it's Shelley.

You just made a wrong turn. On to the Harland Highway. We choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other thing. Not because they are easy, but because they are hard. That is fantastic. Yeah. That's wrong with everybody in this crazy place. The Harland Highway. What is it?

The opening. To what? To another dimension. This is Harland Williams. You're a bad man. You're a very bad man. That is fantastic. All right, let's kick things off with a bit of an update here.

As you know, right at the beginning, when Donald Trump jumped into the race. I did a whole podcast about it, how, you know, I said that the American people are starving for a dynamic leader. In fact, I did a podcast way back. It could have been up to two years ago where I talked about how Americans were craving a dynamic type of leader, someone who showed some authority, someone who had some balls. And if not in reality, even in their speaking and they're talking and their words, And I was even bold enough to, you know, compare people like Martin Luther Jr. and even Adolf Hitler.

These were leaders who, and I'm not saying I supported Adolf Hitler. I'm just using them as an example. These were leaders who, if you watch their speeches on YouTube, had so much passion and they were so compelling and they were invigorating. and they were invigorating, and they were great presenters. Hitler, even though his message was skewed and evil, I mean, if you watch the guy giving a speech at a podium, he's just like riveting because he's slamming his fist and he's the passion in the guy's voice,

it was enough to move all the citizens of his country. And maybe that's a bad example, because maybe they were blinded by his ability to kind of win them over. And in Hitler's situation, it led to obviously a horrible situation. But on the other end of the spectrum, if you look at Martin Luther King, oh my God, here's a guy who was such a passionate speaker and such a wise speaker that he was able to win over a whole country and liberate, you know, his people.

And Trump, I don't think, is as eloquent a speaker or quite as dramatic or passionate, but what he has done is he stood up for himself. He does what he says. He says what he means. He kind of, he has this message that he doesn't back down from, however controversial it is, however you may like it or dislike it or find,

find it politically incorrect or maybe politically correct, you know. He's kind of redefining all that. But regardless of whether you like him or not, he is a guy who had the balls to kind of get out there and say what he wanted to say, speak the truth as he knows it. I'm not saying he speaks the truth as everyone wants to hear it or speaks the truth for everyone else, but he's speaking his truth. And when all these liberal people and all these politically correct people try to point the finger and try to make them change his words, which in America we really shouldn't

be allowed to do, but it seems that's all that happens anymore, anyone who says anything bad on Twitter or anyone disagrees with anybody, they are forced to change their wording around. and I think that's the real crime but not Trump he stands by all his own rhetoric and it's resonating it's resonating with a lot

of people a lot of Americans are rallying to his cry and you know the satisfaction I get out of it is you know whether I vote for him or not the satisfaction I get is that all these liberal media people and all the not liberal people and all the, you know, the Arianna Huffington's who refused to publish any stories about him because they said he was a clown,

he was a side show, he wasn't a serious candidate, all these moderators, all these news anchors that were so condescending and so snide and so, you know, so intellectual and so, sure that he was just a blip on the radar and that, you know, all these people on TV knew knew what the people wanted and it just made my stomach curl. And I always said that if someone came along and just spoke, spoke clearly and concisely to the people and got them, you know, riled up, they would have a following. And like I said, whether you buy into Trump or not, he's done it. And I think it's good to see, not, you know, not saying I support everything that he talks about,

but it's good to see in America. It's good to see in the process. It's good to see that a guy comes along that defies all the odds, defies all the media, and the people that's me, you, and everyone else listening, the people decide who they want to vote for. The people rally around who they want to vote for. They weren't guided and led and pointed like mindless sheep towards the candidates that the media decided were worthy.

And I'm talking about Republicans and Democrats. So I'm proud of people who have gravitated towards someone who seems to not be. cut from the mold that we've all become so, you know, lackadaisical about over the last few decades. You know, people are rallying around, and this is what I love about Americans, just when you think they're kind of glazed over and zoning out, suddenly, you know, they wake up and respond to something that represents their freedom.

And they're responding to a guy that's not getting any money from any special He's not getting any money from lobby groups. He's not getting any money from super PACs. This is a guy paying for his campaign out of his own pocket. He's not beholden to anyone. He's not going to be a puppet on a string. And, you know, for those of you that think Trump's an idiot and a moron and a retard, well, why don't you show me how much money you've made and how successful you've been if you're so much smarter than him? him um this is a guy who who has mastered the art of deal making which isn't easy to do how many of you have tried to wrangle for a raise from your boss or tried to cut in line at disney world or or tried to haggle with your phone company because your bills too high or you know argue with the parking attendant because you lost your ticket yeah making deals isn't easy even simple ones

okay go ahead call your your tv cable provider your satellite provider try and haggle them down to a lower rate try going to a hospital and argue with the insurance companies say what you will about trump this guy has spent his life making deals and making money and being successful he knows how to do that and if you think about it politics no matter what you want to say at the end of the day is about making deals. It's about making deals with other countries. It's about making deals with other politicians. It's about making deals with environmentalists. It's about making deals with everybody and everything. That's what politics is. You have to know how to make deals. And here's a guy that aggressively knows how to

do it. And for those of you that are being stubborn and stuck in the mud, how can having a great dealmaker as the head of your country be a bad thing? How? Maybe some of his policies you don't agree with, but I find it hard to believe that you would argue that a great, amazing dealmaker is a bad thing to have in a leader. Think of the United States of America as a corporation and you're an employee. Do you want your boss to be out there kicking ass and making and building your corporation as big and as powerful and as successful as it can be? Or do you want a mediocre guy who doesn't really know how to make deals and kind of never get shit done and your company kind of survives, but it doesn't thrive, it doesn't grow, it doesn't

kick ass. And if you say anything other than, you know what, I think I'd like the guy that knows how to make deals, then I think maybe you're just being stubborn and maybe you're lying to yourself and maybe you're kind of sticking to whatever your political or political party beliefs are. Because in the real world, man, we need to be tough. We need a kick-ass CEO to helm the ship. That's the job of a president to helm the ship to keep us. safe to keep us prosperous, to keep us on a steady course.

And Trump is resonating with people. He's resonating with regular everyday Americans. He's not resonating maybe with the intellectuals at the art gallery, you know, sipping brandy and talking about extristencialism. He may not be resonating with the Occupy Wall Street Crows. crowd and these types of kind of crowds. But he's resonating with the everyday American who just wants a strong leader, whether it's just a symbol or not. Whether Trump goes to bad at night and shivers in the corner and hugs his Winnie the Pooh doll, maybe he does.

But on the surface, when he's on camera, when he's on TV and the whole world is watching, people are seeing and, image, and if it's just an image, then good for him for being such a showperson. People are seeing the image of a strong leader, a strong dealmaker, and a guy that doesn't back down and doesn't take any shit. And whether you like it or not, whoever's listening out there, that's what America was built on. Yeah, it was. America was built on people that held their chests out high and said, don't. Don't fuck with me.

We are loud. We are proud. And we don't apologize for being successful. And I got to tell you, man, America needs that spirit again. America needs that energy again. You know, I've said it before. The first time Barack Obama came down the pipe, I wanted to vote for the guy. I couldn't because I was Canadian at the time.

But I wanted to. And after the first four years, that went away. way real quick. And I know some of you Barack supporters are probably like hating me right now, but you know what? When you find out that Barack Obama was

a community organizer before he became president, when I look back at his eight years, I see the path of a community organizer. I don't see a guy that kicked ass.

I saw a nice man who was humble and a family man and soft-spoken and avoided confrontation. But that didn't really get shit done, in my opinion, in my humble opinion. But Donald Trump kind of has this Ronald Reagan-esque type of thing, and Ronald Reagan got shit done. People were scared of Ronald Reagan, and Ronald kind of brought American pride back. And he was a bit of a cowboy. and people were proud of them. People, you know, so I don't know. All I'm saying is I'm happy to see that Donald has persevered,

that he hasn't let the national media and all the people that tried to knock him down and call him a clown and a side show and all that, you know, he didn't let them stop him or change his message or, knock them down. And what I really like is seeing all of those people eat crow. Because remove all the politics from it, I always felt that those arrogant people were

trying to tell me, you, liberal Democrat, whoever you are, what to think, how to live, and how to decide. And the fact that they just have to sit there on camera and swallow it. Hey, everybody. Who wants to have better sex? No? Yes? Yes. The answer is yes. You always want to have better sex. That's what you want it to be better, not worse. Trust me. And Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item plus free shipping. And more than that, Adam and Eve wants to make your life easy. They offer discrete shipping as your privacy is a priority. Plus 100% free shipping on your entire order. Doesn't matter how much you spend or what you buy. I will be packaged and sent discreet shipping. greatly for free and fast. Don't wait,

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so you get your discount and 100% free shipping code Harlan. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. And all their all their bullshit, you know, know-it-all rhetoric just pooped out the window. Oh man, for nothing else, even if Donald doesn't win, I got to thank you. I thank you. them for putting egg all over their pretentious, pompous faces. So there you go. That's the political update. What? I'm in the middle of a thing with, with, I'm talking about the election.

Oh, come on. No, Roger's telling me, he's got, I just got a message in my ear. Roger, my producer's telling me and my boss wants to see me up on the 12th floor. Mr. Featherstone wants to see me? Oh, God. Can we do it later? Okay, well, if I have to do it now, I'll wire me up because I'm going up,

I'm taking everyone with me because I want proof of the crap he puts me through. Do you know what he wants? Something about Groundhog Day? Oh, yeah, tomorrow's Groundhog Day. Yeah, Groundhog. Okay, so for those, of you that don't know uh groundhog day is tomorrow that's where they have this goofy thing

where there's some legend that if a groundhog comes out of its hole uh tomorrow and it sees its own shadow or something that the winter will be short or long or i don't know what what does he want me to what what what do i know about groundhog day okay rod well rogers telling me to get my ass up there so all right hit a commercial rod and then wire me up. I'm going to go upstairs, and you guys can join me as I visit my boss. Oh, Mr. Featherstone.

You've called women you don't like fat pigs, dogs, slabs, and disgusting animals. Your Twitter account is several. Only Rosie O'Donnell. Well, obviously, it's great outer view, and we could say politically correct, that the look doesn't matter, but the look obviously matters, like you wouldn't have your job if you weren't beautiful.

You'll have the great pleasure of voting for the man that will easily go down as the greatest president in the history of the United States, me, Donald John Trump. He doesn't care what people think. He tells the truth. I just sold an apartment for $15 million. to somebody from China. A little Reagan-esque. We need to build a wall. We need someone tough.

You're fired. The American dream is dead. But if I get elected president, I will bring it back. And we will make America great again. Well, here I am on the 12th floor of my building, the office building where we do my podcast. And I guess I've been told I have to come up and talk to my boss, Mr. Featherstone, about something. I hate coming up here. It never works out well for me.

He's a hard boss to have, but he pays my paycheck. so here I am in the reception there's Betty his reception hi Betty how are you Betty hello okay well she just flipped me off for the for the 900th time okay can I go in okay I'm I'm going in and I'm just walking in here uh hello Mr. Featherstone sir how are you sir hello yes sir uh harland williams here who harland williams sir hall happy happy new year no no harland not happy new year harland williams hallow hallow it be thy name sir not hallow would be thy harland williams oh what do you want well sir you i got a i got a memo that you wanted me to come up and see you and you're from

where sir i do the podcast downstairs the harland highway podcast oh the prom-praw the podcast the podcast sir i'll raise your voice of me or i'll get you uh some of those Rekalo cough drops and shove them up your nose sideways. Sir, what did you want to see me for? Have you ever had those Rikolos? Yes, sir.

Do the little jingle for me. What jingle? You know, when the guy's yelling on the mountaintop, the regalo thing? Sir, I'm not here to do cough drop jingles. Well, maybe you're here to get a pinks

for your plug-plop. What's that mean, sir? You do the re-col-o jingle, or maybe your pod plap is cancelled. Sir? Do it. Re-re-re-colo. Drag it out a bit longer, make it echoey.

Sir! Do it. Re-c-c-c-l-es. Hello. I love that. Now, what are you here for? Sir, that was just humiliating. Before you get on another tirade and use up more of my time, let me ask you something.

Have you ever farted on... Sir? Let me finish. I don't fart on things. Have you ever farted on a dinner number five? Sir, what is a dinner number five? You know what they serve at those there, uh the chinaman shops the chinaman shops you know where you get the chinaman food sir it's called

chinese food well that's what i just said what are you uh tommy tonsiltits what what i just said tommy tonsiltits what are you got hearing damage you probably do from hanging out at those loud bars with your guy friends down on uh 19 and 12th Street. Sir, for the last time, I don't hang out at funny little bars. Oh, really? How about that one down at 14th and 12th? Billy's got a unicorn.

Billy's got a unicorn. Yeah, you know the one. No, I don't, sir. Uh-huh. Sir? Uh-huh. I don't hang out with guys. I don't know about that other funny little bar

That one down on Main Street and 4th What funny little bar, sir? You know the one Uncle Larry's corn cob pipe Sir, I don't hang out at Uncle Larry's corn cob pipe Ah, sir? Sir, what do you want? Well, listen, you know that it's been a tough winter, right?

Yes, there have been some pretty severe snowstorms recently. And my wife doesn't like winter, and she's getting on my case. It's like someone slamming a suitcase on my head the way she carries on. I understand, sir. So groundhog day's coming up tomorrow. Yes, sir. And you know what they say. If the groundhog comes up out of the ground, a groundhog day.

that winter goes away early. Well, that's what they say, sir. It's kind of a suburban myth, I think. I don't care if it's your boyfriend's erect weiner. Sir? I want winter over quickly. I don't have boyfriends with erect weeners. Ah, sir!

Ah! What about that bar you go to down on 19th and 45th? with all your guy friends I don't have guy friends you know the bar what bar sir you know that one the the nine-fingered octopus sir I do not go to the nine-fingered octop what is this nonsense about groundhog day well I want to make sure that damn groundhog comes out of the earth out of his stupid hole tomorrow okay what's that got a do with me? Well, if he doesn't come out, I get more winter, and I got to listen to my wife ramble on like somebody slamming my head in a French fry freezer at McDonald's.

Sir? I still don't understand how I'm involved in this, because you're going to go down there where that stupid hedgehog is, Pensacali Pete, or whatever his name is. Sir? And you're going to make sure that ground dog comes out of his hole. Sir, I don't know how to take a groundhog out of a hole. I'm sure you're really good at taking, pulling things out of holes. Sir? With your guy friends. Stop it, sir.

Ah. Sir? Ah. What am I doing? I'm not... What's this about the groundhog? You're going to make sure that that hairy little foxes. come out of the ground okay and how do I do that sir you're gonna go to groundhog day

and you're gonna tea bag his grover hole excuse me sir you heard me tea bag is gopher hall that's right you're gonna put cheese whiz on your big hairy on your big hairy balls and dangle them over the gopahole and make sure he comes out sir I am not What are you talking about? You heard me. Groundhogs love cheese, don't they? I don't know, sir. Well, I'm sure they do.

I don't know. So you're going to spread cheese whizz all over your hairy ball sack and teabag his hole and make sure he comes up out of that hole so winter goes away early. Sir, I am not teabagging anything. Why not? You probably teabagagging guy friends all Saturday. night down at you know

Bongo's fun fun room I do not go to Bongo's Fun Fun Fun Room Ah Sir Ah Sir I'm not Going to

Groundhog Day to Tebag Pekahontas Pete's Gopher Hole Put cheese whiz on my nuts And try and draw him out of his gopher hole so you can get over winter and your wife can... What?

You're going to do it, and your prod prop's going to be canceled. Now, you're not threatening me with that. Are you still here wasting my time? By the way, have you ever farted into a jar of raspberry jam? Sir! We were talking about the gopher. I know, but if you ever got into a grocery store,

you open a jar of raspberry jam and fart in it. Sir, I don't fart in my... raspberry jam. You should try it. It stinks the whole store up. Sir! Now get gone. You're going to get the... I think it's in Pennsylvania or wherever they do it.

And you're going to tee bag that hairy gopahole with your hairy ball bag. Sir! You're going to slather it with cheese whiz and dip it down into that hole and let winter get over with. Sir, I am not. Oh, you are!

Speaking of, have you ever farted? Sir, I don't fart on things. Shut up. Have you ever farted on a children's play? What are you talking about, sir? You know how children do plays like Casey at the Bad or Puff the Magic Dragon? Yes? And, you know, like a kid's school, like a kindergarten or something?

Yes? Well, that's what I'm asking. farted on one of the plays. Sir! Hold on here comes a phone call. You know what? You got to get the hell out of here. Betty'll give you the cheese whiz out on the reception area. You get

the hell up there and start dipping your hairy balls into that gopahole. Sir? You're going to be fired if you don't. Get out of here. I got a phone call. Yes, sir. Get out of here. Gee, just great.

Damn it. So here I go. I better pick up the Betty. I got to pick up the cheese whiz. Mr. Featherstone said you have it. Thank you. Just got a big jar of cheese whiz from Betty. Nice to see you, Betty.

Thank you for Betty. Hello? Okay. Oh, okay. The middle finger. Good to see you, Betty. Thanks. All right, I'm heading back down to the studio gang

with this jar of cheese whiz and I guess I got to get on my way over to Groundhog Day. I'll hit you up back in the studio. God! Fresh is. A walk through the woods on an early spring morning. Fresh is a gentle breeze

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With summer's eve, freshness has never been simpler. Ladies and gentlemen, Oh, God. My job, your job is to wake up Phil here in a few moments. The cane that I'm holding in my left hand gives me the power to speak in brown dog eating.

Can't believe I'm here. So what are we going to do? We've got to wake up Phil. Oh, God. How do we wake up Phil? Phil. No, don't even... I'm not.

not even going to do this i'm just going to tell them i was here i've got this stupid jar of cheese whizzes my hand and a butter knife there's no way i'm slathering my balls wait a minute inner circle members all gather in close i'm not i'm not going to do it i'm just going to leave oh you're going to do it all right whoa that's right i'm here you thought you'd sneak away huh gobbledy gook face excuse me sir you heard me gobbledy goof face sir sir sir i heard me gobbledy goof face I'm not going to cover my nuts and cheese whiz and dangle them over a gopher. All those things have giant sharp teeth. Oh, you're going to dip and drip is what you're going to do, Weisenheimer.

Sir? You hear that crowd? They want you to pull your pants down, cover your hairy ball bag with cheese whiz, and dip it in that gopher's hole. And I don't care if he bite you. I don't want another week of winter for my crabby-ass wife. Sir? You're gonna lose your job.

Listen to this crowd. They want this. And I want it. You're gonna be getting a pink slip, whoremonger. Hormonger. You heard me. Now unzip your pants. Sir.

Do it. It's not like you never do it down at your funny little bars downtown on Saturday night. Sir, I don't go to funny little bars downtown. Oh, really? How about the, uh, The Vaseline phone booth. The Vaseline phone booth.

Ah, sir? Ah. Sir, I'm not. Do it. You hear this crowd. Pull down your pants right now. Oh, brother. There.

You happy? Now slather that cheese whiz. Oh, good Lord, your balls look like someone put them in a lettuce shredder or something. and they're all purple and bruised. Sir, they are not. It's cold out here. They're purple because it's freezing cold. I don't know.

Looks like someone shoved them through a keyhole and smacked them with an Irish shillelie. Sir! Slather them up. Hurry up. I don't have all day. Yes, sir. And don't give me any of your attitude.

You should be happy you're slathering up with cheese whiz. that nice orange fluorescent cheese whiz will cover up your purple balls sir they're not purple good lord i stare at your balls i feel like i'm uh in the caribbean watching a beautiful sunset nice purple sunset except it's your balls sir i'm surprised a flock of pelicans don't fly past your purple caribbean sunset balls right now sir i don't have purple caribbean sunset balls right now sir i don't have purple Caribbean sunset balls, and there's no pelicans. I'm surprised someone doesn't kayak across your purple Caribbean balls. Sir, hurry up and put the cheese whiz on.

Yes, sir, I've got it on. Oh, God. Looks like someone went to a golden corral and threw up in the girls' bathroom. Sir! You're the one making me do this. I know, but I didn't think it would look so ugly. You ever have a dragonfly hit your window when you're going 59 miles an hour? Sir, that's what your balls look like.

Looks like your balls hit my window at 80 miles an hour. Good Lord. Sir, hurry up and dangle them, dip and drip. Sir, why do you keep saying dip and drip? Because that's what you're going to do. You're going to dip your balls in that gopahole covered with cheese whiz. And that stuff's going to drip off. And that hairy little monkey down in that hole is going to smell it, come up out of that hole,

hopefully lick the cream cheese off your ball bag, and no more winter. This is a bad idea, sir. Hurry up and dip and drip. Okay, I'm doing it, sir. Ow! It's hard on my legs. Well, you should have took some yoga classes and your leotards with your guy friends. I don't have guy friends, sir

Ah Sir My back This isn't easy, sir Just do it There you go Right over the hole There you go

Hold on I think I see something I see a pair of beady little eyes Sir It's hold still Dangle those nuts I see a pair of black little beady eyes And some gopher teeth

Sir what he Sir Oh, oh, something's nibbling, sir. I can feel something's down there. Shut up and dangle. Oh, oh, so, ow, oh, it's biting. Oh, sir. Shut up and dangle.

Ow, oh, oh, my God, it hurts. Get it off. Get it off, sir. Shut up. Ow, oh, oh, my God. It's biting my purple. Kirby in Sunset Clubs. Shut up and dip and drip.

Yeah, you did it. Was that so hard? Oh my God. It hurt so much, sir. Yeah, well, you did the right thing, screwball face. Sir, oh, they're bleeding. Yeah, cheese whiz and blood is never a pretty sight.

Oh, oh. Now shut up. going to make an announcement and tell us if we got more winter or not. Hear ye, hear ye, hear ye. On Gobbler's Knob on this magnificent Groundhog Day, February 2nd, 2012, Punxatani Phil, the Seer of Sears, the prognosticator of all prognosticators, was summoned from his burrow in the old oak stump. All right, here he comes with the news.

Now, this better work out good for me. And you're going to be up Schitt's Creek without a toboggan. Sir, that's not the saying. Shut up and listen to him. Here he is. And after casting an appreciative glance. Here it is. To the thousands of faithful followers in attendance.

Schitts Creek without a toboggan. Here we go. Phil Proclaim. Here it is. As I look at the crowd on Gobbler's knob. Come on. Many shadows do. my wife six more weeks of winter it must be what the no what the shit you

son of a bitch no no no you're gonna get a picture sir where are you where are you going sir sir where are you going sir come back come back oh my god oh my god I don't know what's going to... I'm heading back to the studio. Oh, my... Son of a bitch! Stoo... Ow!

I can hardly walk. Ow! I'm heading back to the studio to wrap up the show. Fuck! Me! Get away from me! Get away! Rice.

Arroby. The Sanfran's in your tree. Oh, son of a... Here I am back in the studio. I did all that flying. Roger pieced everything together here. Why are you grinning, Roger? Stop laughing.

Sitting here on my chair with an ice pack on my crotch. Damn! I didn't know those stupid gophers could be so friggin painful. So there you go. Six more weeks of winter, Groundhog Day. Great. I hope everyone's happy. I don't know what's going to happen with me and my boss.

I'll probably get fired from this podcast. All because of his wife who doesn't want. Why don't you just fly to Miami, asswads? Jesus. And Roger, stop laughing in there. Roger's in the booth laughing. You know, I'm going to close the show. I'm too pissed to keep going.

Let's do some announcements. My stand-up comedy, tour starts, kicks off 2016, this Wednesday, two days from now, February 3rd to the 6th in Tampa, Florida. Go to Harlan Williams.com to order your tickets. And then February 11th to the 14th, I will be in Orlando, Florida. So get your tickets for both those. incredible days. Both clubs, the Improv.

And then later in the month, I'll be in Scottsdale, Arizona, at the House of Comedy. And that will be February 25th to the 28th. Going into March, March 10th, I will be at the Houston Improv, March 10th to the 13th. It's going to be a great time. And like I said, go to Harlandwilliams.com. Click on my stand-up tour. link and you can actually order your tickets right there you don't want to miss these dates we're going to have a blast it's going to be amazing um what else can i tell you where you're at harlem williams

dot com check out our store the harlem williams dot com store lots of fun merchandise to purchase um please uh join our our premium podcast all the unbelievable uh bonus material you get just go to your app on your phone, type in the Harland Highway, join the app, you'll have it for your phone, select the premium content button, $20 a year, that's it. The money goes to help support all the podcasting I do, and on the premium show, you get me doing live stand-up, special shows, all kinds of great stuff throughout the year that I drop in randomly. I do a whole different podcast called Let's Have a Fight.

where me and another comic or celebrity personality just have verbal battles. It's a whole lot of fun, a whole lot of comedy. You can only get it if you're a premium member. So please $20, join up now. The next fight coming up is with me and Tom Green. That'll be probably sometime in the next two weeks. Me and Tom Green from MTV, Tom Green Show,

going at it head to head. So get in there, get on the premium, and have some laughs with us. And that's it, man. I'm going to go take a nice, long, warm bath. As you can guess, I'm in a lot of pain. And I'm sorry that there's another six weeks of winter, but what are you going to do?

Thanks for joining me, everyone. Until next time, chicken, chameen. with cheese whiz on it, baby?