The Harland Highway - 746 - MARIE OSMOND is HOT! Crazzzy news story!

Episode Date: March 3, 2016

How HOT is Marie Osmond getting? WOW! Harland talks about movie sequels. A story about a guy who missed a few days of work. Smirk at work!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, hey, my, my, the Harland Highway will never die. It might die if I keep trying to sing like that, like an idiot. Hello, everybody, how are you today? What a show we have today? I actually got a call from a pavement pounder asking me a very interesting question about movies, and in particular a movie that I was in, and I think it led to a pretty interesting little conversation or piece about a certain aspect of the movie industry.

So we're going to be talking about that. And also speaking of celebrities, we're going to be examining the phenomenon, the resurgence, the re-emerission of Marie Osmond. Or Marie, as she goes by now, she is the spokesperson for the Nutrisystem commercials, the weight loss, nutris system. And, man, is it just me or is she like putting it out there?

Yeah, we're going to discuss that faux show. And then also we have a crazy news story. I don't know what your work record is. But wait, do you hear this guy's work record? And he might just be borderline genius when you hear the story. And I thank you're borderline genius for listening to the Harland Highway. What is this? Some kind of a joke or something? Welcome to the Harland Highway.

What you're talking about Williams? Son, you got a panty on your head. Shut up and sit down, you big ball fuck. Oh, God, what's happening here? What's happened? Hey, Harland, it's Shelby. You just made a wrong turn onto the Harland Highway. We choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other thing, Not because they are easy, but because they are hard.

That is fantastic. What's wrong with everybody in this crazy place? The Harland Highway. What is it? Opening. To what? To another dimension. This is Harland Williams.

You're a bad man. You're a very bad man. That is fantastic. I'm Marie and I lost 50 pounds on Nutrisystem. Oh boy. Oh, boy. Sweet Marie, sweet Marie Osmond. I don't know why she doesn't use her last name.

It's, you know, it's Marie Osmond that does the NutraSuite commercials. But it's always just Marie. It's kind of like, remember, Jeb Bush was ashamed of his last name. I'm Jeb, and I approve this message. I'm running for president. Well, I was. What's with the whole not using the last name thing anymore? Are people ashamed?

Or are they just lazy? Oh, my name. name's too long. I can't say it all. My name is Harland. Oh, do I have to? Okay, Williams. Okay. God, I hope you're happy. Christ. Oh, I'm exhausted. I can't believe I said my whole name.

Oh, my God. But have you seen these commercials, the NutraSuite? Not NutraSuite, the NutraFast commercials. With Marie Osmond, you've heard this, right? We all want that little black dress moment, that look good, feel good moment. But when you're overweight, it's more like little black dress. I don't even want to get dressed. I'm tired.

My knees hurt. I'm not going up those stairs again moment. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, I know what you're saying. It's actually it's NutraSystem, not NutraSweet. Yeah, we all have that. I hate getting into my little black dress and trying to get up the stairs. But the Nutrisystem commercials, here's where I'm going with this.

And with all due respect to Marie, quote unquote, Marie, who looks super hot, and that's the reason I'm talking about this, is it just me or is it every commercial? And I'm trying to put this delicately because I like and respect Marie. But the way they're dressing her, the way they're doing her, hair and her makeup and her lip, she's starting to look a little, shall we say, slutty? And I don't mean slutty in a bad way to harm the Nutrisystem brand. But she's just, you know, I grew up in the 80s and the 90s, and during the 80s, there was kind of an era, or an era, however you want to pronounce it, man, where the girls that wanted to look

kind of hot and go out to the nightclub. and look a little provocative and sexual. And, you know, the term we used back then was a little slutty, but it was a good slutty. It didn't mean they hung out on a street corner on crack and made people pay for sexual favors. It was slutty like, wow, that girl's, like, kind of showing off her sexuality,

and she's kind of dressing and preparing her makeup in a way that says, come get it, boys. You know, come hit on me. I'm on the market. I'm ready to go. If you press the right buttons, I'm ready to throw down. Let's hit the pillow. And it seems like every commercial in this Nutrisystem thing,

like Marie, in my opinion, is getting more and more kind of slutty looking in a good way. Like the dresses are getting tighter, the bangs are getting bigger. The lips are getting fuller. They're shimmering more. The lips are getting fatter with more red lipstick, and they're making them all wet, and they put some kind of moisturizer on her lips. Looks like she just got off a water fountain.

You'll get perfectly portion meals that are ready in minutes. So there's no counting, no measuring, no guesswork. Simple. Her eye shadow, the way they've done her eyes, very seductively. And if you want a reference for this, if you don't believe me, go into, like, uh, YouTube and go on like, like rock videos from the 1980s, okay? Like in any Van Halen video or any, any, you know, hard rock video, you know, Van Halen or Guns and Roses or Def Leopard or White Snake. Remember that girl rolling around on the front of the car, the, the hot red head?

They all kind of had this look. And look, I'm not being offensive. It was kind of known as the slutty look. And it's kind of like, come get it, boys. And I'm telling you that I got no interest in Nutrisystem. I don't want to go up any stairs or get on a treadmill, but I'll tell you what. Marie Osmond or Marie, you know, we can't say her last name.

Marie is looking pretty spicy Like I can't wait to see what happens next with Marie I'm like it feels like they're like you know you hear you heard the music in the background for this commercial I'm just I'm just waiting for uh like porn music to start playing in the background This is your moment don't wait start looking and feeling great You hear it? You hear that kind of upbeat, like, pumpy music? Yeah, well, with the way she keeps dressing

and kind of that provocative 1980s video vixen look with the bangs and the tighter dresses and then now they're doing camera angles where they kind of zoom in right on her crotch. She actually points to her crotch in one of the commercials. I'm not kidding. She actually goes, you know, I always have trouble in this area right here.

and she kind of does this triangle figure with her hands and kind of places them right over her, you know what? Like half over her pelvis and half over her, you know, the promised land. And I just, I'm starting to wonder if they're really kind of using sex to sell this Nutrisystem or whatever it is. This is what it should sound like with the porno music under it, for real. As women, we always talk about how we should look or what's the best way to lose weight. But for me, it finally became all about how I feel.

No tricks. Just me. I looked in the mirror and I saw what I didn't want to see. The truth. Oh, yeah. I was 50 pounds overweight. It was a rough day. That's when I decided I had to lose weight.

Oh, baby. So I chose the only simple option for me. Oh, give it to me. Oh, yeah, honey. Take that little black dress off Oh, yeah, put that cupcake in your mouth, baby Oh, baby, yeah, do some crunches, baby Oh, honey, eat that frozen lasagna

Oh, baby, suck that chocolate milkshake Oh, eat that cheesecake, baby, oh Oh, work that treadmill, oh Marie Oh, honey oh baby oh honey eat that meatloaf oh oh oh eat those brunzel sprouts oh stuff that chocolate cake in your mouth oh oh oh baby oh yeah oh honey that was good give me a cigarette let's let's go over to burger king get a whopper and then go do something Some push-ups at the gym. All right.

Enough, enough. You get the point. But, hey, Marie, despite looking kind of a little trashy and a little sleazy and you look good. Okay? You look good. I guess Nutrisystem's working for you because you look super duper hot. I lost 50 pounds on Nutrisystem. Good for you, Marie.

it's working you look fabulous and keep on keep on bringing it man it's a pleasure to watch you on TV you look beautiful and I'll just keep thinking of a Van Halen rock video from the 1980s as you get slimmer all of us guys who had a thing for that slutty look of the 80s are getting a little fatter if you know what I mean. Hey, Harlan. My name is Eric Lee calling from Eskledo, California. I was wondering if you could talk about on the podcast, why you weren't. and if you even want it to be in Dumb and Dumber 2,

because everybody loved your part in Dumb and Number 1. If you didn't want to be in it, I don't blame me because it wasn't very good. Also, do you think sequels aren't good for Cold Classic movies anymore? I know Star Wars Geeks are still in the sequels, but I'm talking about cult classic movies like Dumb and Dumber, Ingram Man, Friday. The first one's a classic, and the second one's not as good as the first. And speaking of Cold Classic movies, As much as I love to have baked, I do agree with you when you said it might be too late to make another one.

Or in my opinion, it might not come out as good as the first. Those are just a couple things I thought you could talk about on the podcast. Chicken chalming. Hey, everybody. Who wants to have better sex? No? Yes. Yes.

The answer is yes. You always want to have better sex. That's what you want it to be better, not worse. Trust me. And Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item plus free shipping. And more than that, Adam and Eve wants to make your life easy. They offer discrete shipping as your privacy is a priority. Plus, 100% free shipping on your entire order.

Doesn't matter how much you spend or what you buy, all will be packaged and sent discreetly for free and fast. Don't wait, Better Sex is just a click away. That's 50% off, one item, and free shipping. Bring more pleasure and satisfaction into your business. bedroom. Just go to Adam and Eve.com and select any one item. It could be an adventurous new toy or anything you desire. Just enter the offer code Harland to check out. That's Harland, H-A-R-L-A-N-D at Adam and Eve.com. This is an exclusive offer specific to this podcast.

So be sure to use this code Harland so you get your discount and 100% free shipping. Code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. Well, Eric Lee, thank you for that phone call. Yeah, interesting scenario played out with Dumb and Dumber, too. When I heard it was in the works, are you kidding? Of course I wanted to be in it. Oh, my God.

I wanted to reprise my role as the motorcycle cop. I had all these visions of grandeur. I thought, oh, what if the cop instead of just one scene? you know the cops chasing them throughout the whole movie like from town to town city to city and they have these run-ins i thought that would be great but that was me being selfish of course you know more more screen time more scenes more more of an integral part of the film could only hope and pray what what fool wouldn't want that to be working with jim carey and Jeff Daniels and the Farrelly brothers.

So, yeah, the answer is that I really wanted to be in the sequel. And it was interesting. As production started to happen, we were a bit confused as to why we kind of hadn't got a phone call yet. And then someone sent me a podcast. I guess the Farley brothers had been interviewed on a podcast somewhere. And they said, oh, they were bringing. everyone backed the whole cast and you know everyone was going to be there and and so i was like oh wow you know because uh as of to this date i have not been in a sequel um i've been in a whole

crap ton of movies many of which are sequel worthy and i have not yet been in a sequel so i'm kind of like it's the one one kind of nut i want to crack before i hang up my acting career tomorrow, I mean, one of these days. So then what happened is dumb and dumber two got up and running, and they started getting ready to shoot. And so we became concerned, me and my agents and my managers, and we were like, wait, why haven't we got a call yet? And so I kind of did the unthinkable,

something I never have really done in my career, is me and my agents and managers, and we were like, you know, maybe we should reach out to them, which is something you never want to do because it looked desperate. But we were like, wait a minute, this movie meant a lot to me. This was, Dumb and Dumber was my very first movie. It, you know, it kind of jumpstarted my film career. It's very sentimental.

And of course, I can't tell you how much I love Jim Carrey and the Farley brothers and working with all that crew. And just like you said, it was such a classic comedy. I didn't want to miss out on. on, you know, it happening again. And then as time kept going on, like we weren't really getting any positive reaction or feedback from the folks doing the sequel.

And it kind of dawned on me that I was like, wow, I don't think they want me in this thing. And then, you know, you start filling in the blanks. You start going, did I say something? Did I do something? Is someone mad at me? Do I suck? Someone, you know, you get a little bit insecure because, you know, I felt like in the first movie, I delivered.

You know, they asked me to do something and I feel like, you know, after 20 years of people coming up to me and telling me how much they love that part, as you said, you think, well, I must have done something, right? I must have done something funny because it was just a small part, but people seem to remember it. Not only remember it, but remember every damn word of it. you know, I have people come up and recite the lines perbatim to me all the time. And so it resonated somehow. And so I was like really excited not only to be in a sequel, but to be working with those guys again. And obviously in such a great franchise movie, you know,

it's not like they're asking me to do a sequel to, you know, some, you know, semi-successful, you know, movie that probably wasn't worthy of a sequel. This one was like, yes. And so after a while, they started production and they started shooting and it just became obvious that it wasn't going to happen. It's like, okay. So why do I keep telling you about Nutris system? Because it works. And I know it'll work with you.

Thank you. Boy, Marie Osmond just won't let it go. I mean, maybe she's coming on to me or something. But so eventually, you know, it dawned on me. I had to come to the sad, realize. the sad truth and just go, oh, those guys don't want me in the sequel. Everybody else, I heard him say it on the podcast.

Everyone else is in the movie except me. And I just felt very sad. You know, I'm always very grateful for all the work I did. And I'm not a guy that I never look at what I don't have. I always look at what I've been able to do, what I've been able to accomplish. But as I said, this was a special movie. This has a lot of sentimental value.

and it was, I knew it was going to be a big movie, and so, yeah, I was, I was sad inside, but you know what, I just, in Hollywood, it's such a tough town, I just had to let it slide. I was like, okay, well, I'm not invited to this party, let it go, and I let it go, but that being said, I was still very supportive of the movie, of Jim, of the Farallies, I was like, I wanted it to be huge, I figured, you know what, I did my part in the first one, I feel like I did a good job, and so I just have to let other people do a good job. So, of course, I went out to see the movie opening weekend, and it dawned on me rather quickly about halfway through.

I was like, wait a minute, they didn't bring anybody back. The only person they brought back was the little deaf kid or blind kid that had the little parrot, the little budgie. and I hate to say it, but in the original, you know, movie, I don't think his part was really all that pivotal, and I don't know that it was super funny. It was more funny that a kid had a dead parrot, but I don't know that the kid really did anything super funny.

It didn't make me break over and laugh, but it was a funny kind of scenario, I guess. And then all of a sudden they brought this kid back, and they brought him back like his scene and his screen time was longer than what it was in the original. They kind of milked it a lot longer. And then I kind of felt a bit weird like I thought of all the people to bring back. Why did they bring that guy back? They didn't bring back Lauren Hawley. They didn't bring back any of the bad guys. They didn't bring back Sea Bass. They didn't bring back any of the other characters. So in a way, I took a

big sigh of relief. I was like, okay, so they weren't out to get me. It was just, you know, they didn't bring anybody back, which I'm to this day a little confused about. Because usually when there's sequels, you bring back the assets that help make the original good, you know? And it's not like any of us would have said no. And as I mentioned, we did reach out to them and say, hey, you know, Harlan's interested. He's available if you want him for the sequel. He's down and they just didn't bite you know so that brings us to your second part of the question is uh what did i think of the movie and just to sum up so i was sad that i didn't make it in i was sad that i wasn't invited i supported the movie obviously but then when i saw the movie

and and i'm this isn't sour grapes i'm not being mean i love all the actors the director everybody involved, okay? But I always call stuff as I see it. I don't like to BS. And I feel like you're not doing anyone any favors when you just lie to them. And I've always been like this, and maybe it's to a fault or maybe it's good. Some of my friends probably appreciate it and some of them probably hate my guts for it. But when I don't like something or I don't think something stands up or as good, I tell them.

And my theory is that way if something's what I think is good, I tell them, then they can rest assured that I'm not just, you know, pandering to them. I'm not just, you know, buttering them up. They can rest assured for whatever my little opinion is worth, they know they're getting the real deal, okay? So to be honest, I did not like dumb and dumb or two. Sadly, I was disappointed. I wanted to love it.

I wanted to tell people to go see it. I won't, even though I wasn't in it, I wanted the story to continue. And sadly, I just, like I said, I felt like it got hurt because they didn't bring back some of the other characters to help, you know, people kind of remember why the first one was so fun. And then also, I just felt like the story wasn't good. I thought the sets look kind of cheap. I thought the production value wasn't good. I love Jim and Jeff, but I felt like. Because they were older and they knew this movie had to be big,

I felt like they were pushing a bit too hard with their performances. I didn't feel like it was as natural and organic as the first one where it just, I really believed these were two dumb characters where on this one I felt like I was watching them act and be silly a little bit more. Which doesn't take away from how great they both are, but it just, I'm going to be honest, I almost walked out of the movie. wanted to walk out and that's a sad thing to say but like I said I'm being honest but I stayed because I was like I got to see what happens I got to see how this ends and then they brought in this

storyline where they found Jeff Daniel's daughter or Jim Carrey's daughter and you know this girl was beautiful but she just she wasn't funny you know God bless her she tried I mean talk about being put in a hard position they're like hey you're going to be the third character in a movie with two, like, kind of comedy geniuses. Well, I'd say Jim's a comedy genius, but Jeff's, Jeff was funny. He was good. But you got, you know, without Jim Carrey and dumb and dumber, you just don't got dumb and dumber.

I mean, that guy, that guy's off the hook, like comedy, comedy brilliance. And credit to Jeff Daniels, who's able to keep up with him and bring his own brand to comedy. But Jim's really the nucleus of the comedy tone and madness of that movie. And so they throw this cute actress slash model girl into the mix. And I guess they were expecting her to keep pace with these guys who are already established. And it just fell flat, man. It actually became painful to watch and annoying. And at the end of the day, I did not like the movie. And as I said, It has nothing to do with my personal relationship with anyone involved.

It has nothing to do with me not loving and respecting what, you know, the Farreleys and Jim and everyone did. They're great, but this was just a miss, you know? This one to me was a miss. So there you go, man. I hope that answers your question. And as far as sequels go, yeah, they're confounding because, like, dumb and dumber, you've already established these amazing characters with any successful hit movie

like Wayne's World or Rocky or whatever it is, it's always disheartening when the sequel's worse than the first one because you feel like, wow, the first one they found these characters, they found their voices, they know who they are, and so just keep it going, you know? And I think it comes down to writing a really good story.

writing a really good script. And I think a lot of time when they do sequels, they get this mindset. It's like, well, we already got, you know, we already got them hooked in. Who cares about the story? They just want to see these characters alive and moving. And it's not true.

You really, I think you almost have to write a sequel better than the original, or at least as good, you know. And a lot of sequels fall flat because I think they're just counting on people, you know, taking the base. because it's something that was already a hit. And I think you almost have to work harder to keep people in the wheelhouse of, you know, the franchise you create.

So that being said, I don't think critics really loved the movie, dumb and dumb or two. And if I'm being honest, I feel like, and a lot of critics said this, they said that dumb and dumb or two, it came like 10 years too late. I think Jim was so successful and so busy being a star

and being the lead in so many other movies. He didn't need to do a sequel. He was in that rare spot where he could just keep picking and choosing new projects. And so he's like, why do I want to redo something

I've already done when I can keep doing new material? But then as we've seen in the last little while, you know, Jim, like all actors and actresses, your star starts to fade a little bit where you're not you're not on the A list anymore or maybe you are but you're not the go-to guy anymore you're not the number one pick your fan base is dropping off a bit

and so I think Jim was like hey I can always go back to dumb and dumber now and get it going and unfortunately I think it was it was like 10 years too late they probably should have done a sequel like maybe three or four years after the fact, maybe five, even 10 was pushing it, you know?

So, so there you go. And as far as what you said about half-baked, yeah, I've said this for years. It's like, you know, me and the guys from half-baked, I know personally, I'd love to do a sequel to that movie. I think it would be really huge, but it gets to a point where maybe we're too old. You know, nobody wants to see a bunch of stoner guys with gray hair. hair. And, you know, I feel like if we did it, it would have to be in the next few years, but I'm still not sure it would work. Because we all look older. I mean, dude, I'm 53 now. Do you

really want to see a movie about a 53-year-old stoner? I don't know that it would work. So it's all about timing. It's all about doing it right. I mean, on the other hand, you look at Creed, you know, Stallone just did like the fifth or sixth installment of Rocky, and he's like, I think he's pushing 70. But he found a new way of doing it, a new angle. He's not the fighter anymore. Now he's the coach. But, you know, even though that's noble and he was nominated for an Oscar and blah, blah, blah,

I still feel like in a way you're squeezing water out of a sponge at this point, you know. It's like, could they do another Rocky? Yeah, it's Stallone in a wheelchair at a senior's home and his grandson comes into the picture. And, you know, Rocky's teaching him how to dance around the ring by using his wheelchair because the wheelchair has wheels and it makes the kid have to dance. And, you know, you could always put a spin on something.

I mean, these days you could bring characters back CGI and probably work them into a sequel. Like dead people. So sequels are a tricky dance. Great question. I know this was a long answer, but you asked me about four or five questions in there, and I thought, you know, I'd give you a straight answer.

So there you go. Thanks for calling, man. I hope everyone else found it as interesting as you might have. And I appreciate the question. And let's get to something silly to close out the show here. We got a little too serious there. People always get upset when I get too serious. So let's, let's, uh, Roger, let's switch gears, do a commercial,

then we'll come back and have some fun to close out the show. Let's face it, there are good kinds of yeast and bad kinds of yeast. But bad yeast goes scat with yeast stat burns an itch or a thing of the past. And yeast's seven easy step application makes feeling fresh a breeze. I like yeast in my bagel. Not in my muffin. Did you hear the news? Let's have a chat.

But he's who's going to step with yeast I'm free. The Harland Highway. Crazy news story. That's weird. Wow. That's strange stuff. Okay. Here it is.

Here's the crazy news story online. You ready? You ready? Ready, ready? Here it is. Man skips work for six years. No one notices. Huh?

Here's the story. A 69-year-old Spanish man was fined this week after officials discovered he hadn't shown up to work for at least six years. Ironically, the civil servant was discovered only when the deputy mayor attempted to give him an award for 20 years of loyal and dedicated service. I thought, where is this man? said the mayor.

The newspaper notes that the mayor went on to say, is he still there? Has he retired? Has he died? According to the newspaper, a legal case was launched against a man, Jacques-Garcia. The case finally wrapped up this week with Garcia. who retired in 2011, losing an appeal and being issued a fine of approximately $30,000. That's equivalent to one year's salary after taxes and was the most he could legally, it was the most that could legally be reclaimed.

That's a pretty good deal. I mean, if this guy makes $30,000 a year, right? and you multiply that by six and at the end of the six they only take back one in other words 30 grand I mean this guy's made what's he made he's made like almost $150,000 that's one smart employee

that guy should have an employee of the month that guy should have an employee of the year plaque on the wall that guy should have the employee of the six years plaque on the wall. I mean, how do you not notice a guy? Did he not have any friends at work? Did he not have to deal with anyone? Was he locked in a closet?

Like, how could no one in the whole facility go, hey, where the hell is, what's his name? Where the hell's Jacques-Gern Garcia? I don't know. know. I haven't seen him. Have you seen him? No, I haven't seen him either. I think I saw him. I don't know, maybe a few days ago, but it's a little blurry. It feels like maybe a few months, maybe. Yes, I think maybe even a few years. Yeah, maybe a few years, almost a decade maybe. Yeah, that's probably more accurate. Probably over half a decade I have not seen Jaquine.

Neither have I. But I'm sure he's a lot. around. I mean, he has to be, right? Yeah, I guess he must be. I mean, his desk and chair are still there. I think you're right. I mean, how could a desk and chair and an office be there and he's not there? Exactly what I was thinking.

These people, idiots. Let's finish this story here. The investigation into Garcia determined he hadn't been to his office for at least six years and possibly as long as 14 years.

years. This gets funnier, and then the article says, and had done, quote, absolutely no work between 2007 and 2010. He was supposed to be supervising the construction of a water treatment plant, the BBC reports. Okay, this wasn't just a guy that was overseeing like, you know, shuffling a few documents and files. This guy was overseeing the construction of a giant plant.

And by the way, a plant that purifies water and affects the whole city. It says the water company thought the city council was in charge of Garcia. Well, the city council thought the water company was in charge of Garcia. Or Jacqueline or whatever his name is. Garcia is his last name. Okay, see, he's his last name. A water company manager admitted to not having seen Garcia for years despite having an office across from him.

What is wrong with these people? I know the birthday pool's coming up. Does Garcia have a birthday at all or is he immortal? I mean, don't we do birthdays for everyone every year? Where's Jack Wayne? Garcia, the guy who hasn't shown up, who's still alive, Garcia argues he was bullied and given a job with no actual work to do because of his socialist politics.

As for what he did with all his free time, the newspaper reports he became an avid reader of philosophy and an expert on the works of spinetian. Holy God. If a worker doesn't show up to the office, does anyone know it's there? I wonder if that was his philosophy. You know, if a tree falls in a forest, does anyone hear it? How about if a worker doesn't show up to his office? Is he there? What a joke. I mean, anyone of you people listening want to maybe try this little routine? Hey, has anyone seen Dale and accounts receivable?

No, man, I haven't seen him. Oh, okay, well, I haven't, you know, I haven't seen him in nine years, but I don't want to stir the pot. Yeah, me neither, man. I mean, you know, he's probably somewhere. He's probably down in the lunchroom. Yeah, that's probably true. You know, he does smoke a lot, so maybe he's just out on a cigarette break.

Yeah, I mean, where else would he be, man? Yeah, now that you mentioned, I think it's been about 14 years. Yeah, you're right. You know where it really hit me that he wasn't around when we threw that retirement party for him and no one came up on stage to get the gold watch? Yeah, that's true. I remember that. Maybe it was a sick day.

Yeah, maybe, I guess. Are people idiots? Maybe it's easier than one thinks to pull this stunt. You know, people are so politically. correct nowadays. Maybe just no one wanted to say it. No one wanted to ruffle any feathers. It's like you walk into your boss's office.

He's like, hey, excuse me, uh, signor, but the Garcia is not at work today. Oh, really? Well, how about I slap you with a sexual assault lawsuit? Huh? How about maybe

I call you up on charges of battery or something? You know what? I think I did see him in his office. It's all coming back to me now. That's what I thought. So who knows?

But, you know, I got to say, my hat's off to my sombreros off to this guy. I mean, this guy, 14 years off and he pays a $30,000 fine. First, I thought it was six years, they said. Then they kind of upped it and said it might have been as much as 14 years. That guy's six. sitting on, you know, 300, 400 grand. That's a smart employee. If you knew you could invest 30 grand to make 400, wouldn't you do it?

That's better than the stock market. This guy's a genius. He should be promoted to CEO and never come in. She should be made CEO of this company and not go to one board meeting. I see this company making it to the top of the Forbes 500. in fact don't even have a building don't even put it on the stock market i love it man well i hope this guy's enjoying his uh philosophy books and uh spinoza who the who the hell is spinoza i think as a final thing we got it we got to look that up don't we

Spinoza. I'm guessing it's obviously some kind of a philosopher. Let's look this guy up. Spinozaa. Do any of you know who that is? Spinozaia? I mean, he must be teaching this guy something. Let's Google this right now. Here we go. I'm going into a Wikipedia. Baruch Spinozaa. Well, you know, even if this guy skipped work, he's teaching us something. I never would have thought to look up who Baruch Spinoza is. Here we go. Baruch Spinozaa.

Born 24th of November 1632, which is also the same date, Garcia, last went into work, by the way. The breadth and importance of Spinoza's work was not fully realized until many years after his death. By laying groundward for the 18th century, Enlightenment and modern biblical criticism, including modern conceptions of the self and the universe. He came to be considered one of the great rationalists of the 17th century with his philosophy. Spinoza's magnum opus in which he opposed Desocrates

mind-body dualism Okay, this is getting heavy had earned him recognition as one of Western philosophy's most important thinkers. Spinoza wrote the last indisputable Latin masterpiece and one in which the refined

conceptions of medieval philosophy are finally turned against themselves and destroy it entirely. Wow. His philosophical accomplishments and moral character prompted 20th century philosopher Gilles DeLuze to name him the Prince of Philosophers. Well, boy, oh boy, if you got to take work off and study something, you know, why not go deep?

Why not go deep, deep, deep into somebody who's deep, deep, deep? I love it. So there you go. Next time you're at work and, you know, you don't see someone there for five or six years, they're probably off getting their brain filled with, you know, somebody who's genius. And I don't mean Spinoza. What I mean is they're probably off listening to all 800 episodes of the Harlan Highway. Of course. Thank you. And I won't be in today. Okay, well, let's leave it there. That's

kind of hilarious. I found that story quite amusing. What a goofball. And speaking of hilarious, let me remind you all of some of my hilarious stand-up comedy live comedy shows coming up. If you're in the Houston area, March 10th through the 13th, that is coming up next week, boy and girls, I'll be at the Houston Improv in Houston, Texas. March 10th to the 13th, so come on out and check it out. And then in April, oh, my God, the comedy party gets started. In case you haven't heard yet, the comedy party. Excuse me, the comedy party is a theater tour I'm doing,

three nights only, in Dubuque, and we're doing a couple of nights in Illinois. And it's going to be great, man. It's me, Polly Shore, Tom Green, and Bobby Lee from Mad TV. The little Korean guy, hilarious. It's all four of us under one roof in beautiful theaters. and you don't want to miss it. Each city is just one show only.

It's going to be such a blast. Four hilarious comedians, four completely different styles. I mean, it's just going to be a riot. So don't miss the party, the comedy party. Go on to Harlandwilliams.com. Check my stand-up comedy link on my website and get your tickets now.

You are going to love this. April 7, 8, and 9. It's a Thursday, Friday, Saturday. It's going to be incredible. So don't miss the comedy party at harloweems.com. The following week, April 14th to the 17th, yours truly will be in Brea, California. That's a beautiful city just outside of Los Angeles.

It's about 40 minutes east of L.A. And that's the improv in Brea. That's April 14th to 17th. And then the end of April, April 28th through to the beginning of May, that weekend, April 28th to, I guess it would be May 1st. I will be at the West Edmonton Mall at Rick Bronson's House of Comedy. Yes. And then in May, I go up to New York, to God. Gotham Live. Oh my God. Just some really cool clubs happening. Some cool theaters happening.

Please check it out. While you're at Harlow Williams.com, don't forget to call me. Leave me phone messages. 323-739-43330. That's 323-739-4330. You can leave me a phone message. And as you heard in today's show, I might even respond to it. I don't get to all of them, but I kind of pick and choose, and it can be a question, it can be a song, it could be a comment, it can be an obscenity, whatever you want. You could also write me at harlot Williams.com. There's a link there, a contact link. You can write to the fan page. I read all the emails personally, and also don't forget to get our app for your phone,

the Harland Highway app, ladies and gurgle-gloggins. You just go into your app store and type in the Harland Highway, and you're in for free. You get the latest 50 episodes, and if you join our premium membership, okay, for $20 a year, you get my whole other podcast called Let's Have a Fight where I have verbal fights with the likes of Greg Fitzsimmons, Orney Adams, Tom Green, Adam Carolla. I mean, I'm getting all the best funny people around. and we just have a verbal throwdown. It's three seven-minute rounds,

and it is a blast. The last one aired just a few days ago with me and Adam Carolla, so it's still fresh. Please join our premium content when you get the app, and it's only $20 a year. Plus, you get my live stand-up, you get special interviews with some of my characters, all kinds of great stuff.

So don't miss out on that. Also check out our store. We have a great store at the website where you can purchase goofy, funny, silly, incredible merchandise. And that is that. So hey, everybody, thank you for being here at the podcast today. Love having you along.

Love making you laugh and smile and think, if that's even possible. and that's it. Until next time, everybody, you know the drill. Chicken. Show me, baby. I'm Marie, and I lost 50 pounds on Nutrisystem. Thank you.