The Harland Highway - 747 (posted out of order) Snake eats Bear! Fighting stress!

Episode Date: March 10, 2016

Sorry gang, 747 and 748 got mixed up in the order so this is actually the real 748 as 747 was listed as 748 (huh?) Anyhoo, today we take listener phone calls. A snake eats a bear, Daff Daffny calls in and talks about reducing stress. And a preview for LET'S HAVE A FIGHT PODCAST WITH TOM GREEN VS ORNY ADAMS!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Frosty the podcast was a Frosty Frosty. Wait, what? No. Why am I blending a Christmas carol with a podcast? Inappropriate. Just inappropriate. Let's get to what we're doing here. Welcome to the Harland Highway podcast. I am he, Harlan Williams. As confused as I am, I try my best to bring you an entertaining next 40 minutes of your life. We're going to have some fun, okay? We're going to be taking some of your phone calls later on in the show. Yes, phone calls from you, the pavement pounders, having some fun, listening to what you have to say. Also, we're going to be listening to a clip for premium members of an upcoming Let's Have a Fight podcast between Tom Green and Orney Adams. I'll talk more about the premium membership later in the show, but we're going to have a sneak preview clip for you. Also, a caller calls in about kind of how to relieve stress in life. We have a caller of some unique ways to kind of alleviate all the stress and angst we carry around in our lives.

So that'll be interesting. Also, a crazy news story. Have you ever heard of a snake swallowing a bear hole? Yeah, it happens here on the Harlan. Highway... Where am I? What is this? Some kind of a joke or something?

Welcome to the Harland Highway. What are you talking about Williams? Son, you got a panty on your head. Shut up and sit down, you big ball fuck. Oh, God, what's happening here? What's happened? Hey, Harland, it's Shelby. You just made a wrong turn.

On to the Harland Highway. We choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other thing. Not because they are easy, but because they are hard. That is fantastic. That's wrong with everybody in this crazy place. The Harland Highway. What is it? The opening.

To what? To another dimension. This is Harland Williams. You're a bad man. You're a very bad man. That is fantastic. Oh, yay, oh, yay, oh, yay. Welcome to the Harland Highway podcast.

I think I'm going to start the show with a little teaser for you. you know, I do this other podcast of mine called Let's Have a Fight that you can only get if you're a premium member for $20 a year. And this podcast is just verbal fights between comedians and celebrities and funny people, talented people. And basically they have like, you know, three, seven-minute verbal fights. And, you know, you have judges that judge the fights to see who wins. And in this round, we have a funny man, Tom Green from MTV and Road Trip

and Freddie Got Fingered versus a very, very funny comedian named Orney Adams. He's on Teen Wolf on MTV and just hilarious, two hilarious guys. And I'm going to give you a little sample of the next fight coming up where these two were fighting about are UFOs real. and should you have sex with a woman when she's on her period as a couple of the topic. So have a listen, and I hope you enjoy. Are UFOs real or are they not? I believe that there is definitely life in the universe for certainly bacterial, microbial life somewhere, most likely intelligent life.

But I believe it is so far away that it's impossible to know. I mean, we have no photographic evidence of any UFOs visiting the planet other than, you know, stuff that is sort of clearly fake, right? There's no real, with all the cell phones and all the video cameras these days, you'd think we'd have a clear picture of one of these things now, right? Right. Now, it doesn't mean I don't believe in alien life. Stephen Hawking, he believes in alien life, but are they actually visiting the planet? Right. Who built the pyramids?

The Egyptians. Right. No, the aliens did, Tom. The Egyptians built the pyramids. It's just a bunch of rocks. Just a big pile of rocks. Well, once again, my friend is misinformed. The aliens came here.

Not to kill us, Tom, but to decorate. Stop the round now. Let's tally the score. No, that's not enough of an argument. He thinks it's over after he said that. He's going to drop the mic and walk up. No. And then, of course, from fighting about the existence of UFOs, we went into another major topic.

Should men have sex with women if they're on their periods? Here's Tom and Orney. If you are in love and the woman is menstruating, menstruating, menstruating? How do you say that? Menstruating. Yeah, I know. I don't say that. And she wants to make love.

Wow. Then you make love to your beautiful girlfriend. What a gentleman. With her, you know. Do you put something down on the sheets or do you... Yeah, you put some towel down. Is this a hotel towels? Yeah, if you're in a hotel room, it doesn't even matter.

It doesn't matter, right. Come clean it up for you. That's right. Yeah, let's put it down. Or what you do is you make love in the shower. Oh, you take her into the shower. You make love in the shower. Good point.

And then it's all, everything's fine. I think, um, he's going for a drink. I think I can explain why, uh, my colleague, Tom Green is so for this. Okay. When a woman is on her period, that is the only time she is wet down there for him. Oh. And I think that he is mistaking, you know, listen, I think you are hitting on something here. So there you go. That's a little sample of the next fight coming up very soon, uh, for

premium members only and it is a full-length podcast you just got about two minutes of it and I'm sure you can see how much fun it is uh so you know this is a continuing podcast I do all year long with with great special guests um you know I don't normally have guests on the harland highway that much but on let's have a fight it's always with guests so this way for 20 bucks you're getting all the backloged episodes of the Harland Highway. You're getting let's have a fight podcast. You're getting me doing live stand-up comedy. You're getting special interviews and stories with some of my characters that you don't hear on the show. There's no reason not to do it for $20 a year. So get the app, the Harland Highway app,

from your app store. Join our premium program, and I thank you in advance for doing it. Now, let's get right into some more maniacal stuff here on the Harland Highway. Have you checked the children? Hi, I'm Chuckie. Want to play? Oh, okay. Well, I was going to do a crazy news story, but all right, put them through, and let's do a call, and then we'll do a crazy news story.

Are they on the line, Raj? Okay. uh hello hi hello hi harland uh hello uh hello who's this hi harland this is daff daph daphne calling how are you uh who is it daff daph daph daph daph daph daph daph daph daph daph yes i love your podcast harland Oh, well, thank you. So you're one of the pavement pounders? Yes, I just listened to it twice a week. I wish you did it more. I mean, it really is that splashtacular. Oh, well, thank you, Daff.

Cool. What are you calling about? Well, I've been listening to your podcast, and you know, you've touched on a lot of important and interesting topics, one of which was You know, kind of the anger that's in the air that's being generated by this whole, you know, the election. We're seeing kind of this outcry of the American public who are just fed up with a system that doesn't seem to work for them. And it's just like so much bottled up animosity and anger. And just it tears me apart down inside. Yeah, you know, I got to agree with you, Daff. There's, you know, I think it's playing out with the whole Donald Trump thing, and nobody wants an elected official.

They all want an outsider because they're angry at the establishment. Oh, it just makes my skin bubble. Okay, so are you calling to remedy this somehow, or? Well, sort of. I just want to remind everyone to you, you know, life can be simple. Life can be innocent at its finest hour. You know, it doesn't have to be this wild raging, churning, churning machine of angst and turmoil. Well, you know, I guess there is that side of life.

Well, it is there, Harland, if you just tap into it. And it's just, you know, I do all kinds of simple things to remind myself that life can be just beautiful and simple. And if you just take the time to revel in it and look around and find those moments. You know, that makes a lot of sense, Daff. Thank you for calling with this. You know what? Can you give us some examples of how you, as you say, just simplify life and make it more bearable and kind of turn off all the noise and the rhetoric?

Oh, absolutely, Arland. Absolutely. One of the things, you know, your listeners could do, and I do this every Sunday, I skip through dandy lions, and I look for butterflies, and I get the butterflies, and you know how they have dust on their wings? Well, I get the butterfly dust, and I sprinkle it all over my freckles. Wait a minute.

You skip through dandy lions. That's right. And look for butterflies, and I know butterflies. have that powdery dust on their wangs? Absolutely. I just get that all over my fingers and dab it all over my freckles. And I tell you, Arlen, the worries of the world just melt away once you sprinkled butterfly dust on your freckles.

Oh, okay, I guess I thought maybe you were going to say, hey, I go for a coffee or I have a nap, but, oh, no, those are just typical things. How about this one? Sometimes, you know, God created so many innocent creatures. Would you agree with that, Harland? What do you mean? Like little fluffy animals and little innocent creatures. Well, yeah, most animals, all animals are innocent, right?

But the little ones seem the most innocent of all. And what I do is, if you ever seen these people that build ships in a bottle? Like a model ship inside of a? a glass bottle. Exactly. It's a very fine art form. Yeah, I think we're all familiar with the ship in the bottle. So what I do, Harland, is I live in an apartment in New York, and I put cheese out on the floor.

Okay. And sure as hell, these little brown, beautiful, cute little mice with their little squinched-up faces come crawling out for the cheese. Okay. And I have these little tiny glass bottles. that I bought at a trinket shop. Of course. And when the mice are eating the cheese, I picked them up.

I put the little bottle on their little mouse asshole, and I squeeze their farts right into these little bottles and cork them. Okay. You're saying you collect a mouse farts? I just have them in these little bottles, and it's just like a little breath of innocent air. from God's little, you know, quiet, little, smallest innocent creatures. And whenever I'm having a stressful day at work,

I'll just bend down in my cubicle, uncork, a mouse fart, and a bottle, and just snort it. Take a little toot. Um, and I can't tell you, it's so refreshing, it's so wonderful. It just takes you back to a simpler time, like you're watching Little House on the Prairie naked on your couch with a can of pringles in your lap um okay hey you know i i guess there's nothing more innocent than a mouse fart right in a little bottle i've got a whole shelf of them it's unbelievable wow okay

you kind of caught me off guard with um and another thing i do and this is wonderful this this you know everyone says that michael jackson was was really hitting the nail on the head when he said this, Harland. He said, children are like little innocent angels. And that really resonated with me. And we all have an innocent child inside us. Would you agree, Harlan? Well, yeah, I guess we've all got that inner child. Exactly. And so what I like to do to really help me bring my barometer down when I'm having a stressful week is I will get a Spanish onion. You know, those great big Spanish onions to the size of a softball. Right, right.

I will cut it in half and just stick my mouth in it. I'll bury my teeth in it and suck on that onion for about half an hour. And the tears just come down, they're pouring down my cheek, Charlott. And I store the tears up in a bottle. I collect the tears. Okay. And I walk outside and I flick my tears all over the children. and I'll go to a playground or a schoolyard

and just splash the children with my tears. Uh, I don't know. That sounds a little bit maybe too far. I don't know if that's right to... Well, see, now you're starting to sound like someone who's got a lot of pent-up anxiety and animosity. And I'm telling you, Harlan, the first chance you get,

suck a Spanish onion real hard and real deep, suck the onion juice out of it so it's dribbling into your face and your nose down your throat and just cry. Cry like a mother at her child's funeral and collect those tears and go to a schoolyard and just flick your tears, you know, dip your fingers in the tears and flick your tears, splash them all over the little bad, all over the children's faces. Unbelievable. Okay.

You know, anything else? Daph? Well, I'll end with this because I have to get back to work, Harlan. But what I like to do to really just mellow out and calm down and be at one with myself is I like to spray. Have you seen the spray cans of, I can't believe it's not butter? Yeah, that imitation butter stuff. You can get it in a, it comes in a tub or an aerosol can.

Yes, exactly. And so I like to get this spray butter. and as I'm walking down the street on a sunny day, I like to spray the clouds with butter. What? Well, what I do is I pick a cloud in the sky and I point the, I can't believe it's not butter can, raid at the cloud, and I spray it.

I just spray it into the air and I spray the cloud, cover it with butter. Can anything be more soothing and calming than butter clouds? um yeah i don't know i guess dath exactly i mean just imagine imagine imagine you're having your worst day harland your boss is yelling at you your feet hurt you've just had a fight with your girlfriend and you go outside and you're like i can't take it anymore i'm i'm at the end of my rope In the next minute, you're buttering clouds. Um, okay.

Or imagine you're buttering clouds, flicking your tears on children, snorting a mouse fart, and you've got butterfly dust on your freckles. Oh, my God. Knock, knock, who's there? Heaven, who? I'm in heaven. Okay, well. Well, that's all I have for now, Harlan, but I've got to get back to work.

It was so nice talking to you. I love what you're doing with the podcast. Just unbelievable. I mean, is there any type of awards given for podcasts or anything? I don't think there's any awards. You mean like Oscars or Tonys or Grammys? Exactly. No, I don't think there is.

Well, here's what I'm going to do. When I take my next movement. I'm going to get a knife And I'm going to carve a little award Right out of my own turn Okay, thank you Um, that Whoa

Um, okay, that was Daph Daphne I guess one of our listeners Didn't get too much information on him But there you go folks Yeah, is he gone, Roger? Man, that was interesting. Hang up on him. Uh, that was interesting.

I guess if life, you know, starts beating up on you and you feel like, you know, you're stressing, maybe those are some things you could do. That was an unsolicited call. We don't normally take a lot of calls from the pavement pounders. We usually try to book our guests, but our thanks to Daphne for that. Okay, Raj, before he called, as I said, I wanted to do a crazy news story. Can you cue that up? All right, let's go to the crazy news.

The Harland Highway. Crazy news story. That's weird. Wow. That's strange stuff. In an epic battle of snake versus bear, who will come out on top? More like who will come out alive, poking its head out of this giant snake as a teddy bear swallowed hole. With a bit of surgery, both creatures lived to tell the tale. It started when this wild carpet python slithered its way into the home on the gold coast of Australia.

The family was able to clear out in time, but the teddy bear, which was the dog's toy, was left on the ground, making for an easy target. And since it smelled like a dog, it was a case of mistaken identity, and Ted, the teddy bear was eaten. Not only did the stuffed animal fail to satisfy the snake's appetite, it could have killed her, blocking her intestines. Workers at reptile relocation and awareness took the snake to medical experts at the vet level. lounge for an emergency surgery. With a few delicate snips, they were able to extract the teddy bear inch by inch until Ted made it out of the snake's dark belly and into the light. Obviously looking a little worse for wear. But after some cleaning, here he is now. He was returned to his family and is most likely being chewed up by another animal, the dog who loves him. The snake is

recovering and will be returned to the wild in the next few weeks. Wow, that's pretty cool. You never saw that scene in Toy Story 3 or a giant car. carpet python comes in and swallows Woody and Buzz Lightear down the gullet. Hey, everybody, who wants to have better sex? No? Yes. Yes. The answer is yes. You always want to have better sex. That's what you want it to be better, not worse. Trust me. And Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item plus free shipping. And more than that, Adam and Eve wants to make your life easy. They offer discrete shipping as your privacy is a priority. Plus, 100% free shipping on your entire order. Doesn't matter how much you spend or what you buy, all will be packaged

and sent discreetly for free and fast. Don't wait. Better Sex is just a click away. That's 50% off, one item, and free shipping. Bring more pleasure and satisfaction into your bedroom. Just go to Adam and Eve.com and select any one item. It could be an adventurous new toy, or anything you desire. Just enter the offer code Harland to check out. That's Harland, H-A-R-L-A-N-D at Adam and Eve.com. This is an exclusive offer specific to this podcast. So be sure to use this code Harland so you get your discount and 100% free shipping code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. But can you imagine if you were like a teddy bear, like a living teddy bear, like maybe Teddy Ruckspin? Remember Teddy Ruxpin the talking teddy bear?

Holy God, what's that little talking bear thinking right now? He's just sitting on the carpet, minding his own business. All of a sudden a giant snake comes to gobble him up. Hi, my name is Teddy Ruxpin. Can you and I be friends? I really enjoy talking to people No, I'd rather just eat your hairy ass If you don't mind, my hairy little friends

I would like you to meet some of my other friends too We're going to have lots of good times together Oh, we're going to have good times together Believe me Delicious times together Because I'm about to eat your hairy teddy bear ass Okay, if you could just step back You're starting to scare the shit out of me.

That's because I'm going to swallow you. Come here, you little bastard. Oh, my God. What are you doing? What big teeth do you have? Why are you swallowing me? I can't... Shut up.

I'm trying to eat you. Oh, my goodness. I... Somebody help me. I can't hurt it. Somebody I'm being eaten a lot like I can. There, holy frack. I mean, my...

Wow, what a horror. story and how dumb is that snake like hello stupid it's a toy like what happens when that guy gets put back out in the wild all the other snakes are like hey melvin where were you man oh you know i had to had to go in for a little a little operation what what are you talking about well i swallowed a bear A bear? Holy shit, man. I mean, you know, we eat mice and rats, but you ate a bear? Well, it wasn't a real bear.

It was a talking bear. Wait a minute, man. Bears can talk. Well, it was a talking, but it wasn't a real bear. And I went into the hospital and they cut it out of me. Okay, man. Bull shit. Let's go.

He's being an asshole. Like, really, how do you tell that story to your snake buddies, man they're not going to buy that you swallowed a bear and you went in for surgery at a human hospital very very strange story so there's our crazy news story for today carpet python swallows teddy rucks pen now listen to this sound Hey, grubby, do you remember this song? Yeah, I sure do.

Your friend, your friend is what I'd like to be. I don't know. Maybe Teddy Ruckspin deserved to be eaten. I never had one as a kid. I don't know if you had a Teddy Ruxpin as a kid, but something a little creepy about it. Weird talking bear reminds me a reminds me a Chucky.

Remember Chucky the doll? And, uh, you know, that it talked and its eyes moved and its mouth moved. I'd just be afraid of being a little kid and getting mulled by Chuckie, getting mauled by Teddy in the middle of the night. Teddy, Chucky, Teddy, Chucky. They can't even sound the same. So maybe it's good that Ruxpin got swallowed and we'll just leave it there. Hi, I'm Chuckie.

Want to play? That would actually be super cool, wouldn't it? As like a new franchise. You know how we had Alien versus Predator? And Freddie versus Jason. And all these, like, versus movies, that would be perfect. Teddy versus Jucky. Ooh, so scary.

Hello? Hello? I'm the creature from all the space. I got a mean and ugly face. I'm sorry. I'm not sure I got that. Could you say that again, please? I'm the creature from all the space. I got a mean and ugly face. Okay, great. Got it. Thank you so much for just clearing that up. Yikes. Hey, Harland. Your show rocks.

Just thought I'd say that. This is after the episode with the bean pickle, and I thought that was pretty funny. I'm not going to leave my name. Good luck in your future shows and chicken chowmane, but not really, dude. later wait a minute man I appreciate the compliment but what's with pulling back

the chicken chow main you either you either chicken chow maine me or you don't he was like you're chicken chau maine but not really chicken chal mane

but not really dude later wow that's a first man I got just like chicken chowmaine takeout I got it, and then it was taken away. Whatevs? I love it.

Hello. Hello. Hey, Harwin. This is at Indianapolis. I'm sitting here watching Afbaked right now, and the shirt you're wearing that has like an angry-looking oarms shun up in the corner of it. I was just wondering,

is that one of the grass in the bottom of it? custom shirts he made because it looks pretty awesome. Anyways, until next time, Chow Main. Oh, that collar, that pavement pounder, didn't take his Chow Main back. See, he left it. So there you go. And to answer your question, hey, I'm glad you're watching Half-Baked. And yes, the answer is yes.

The T-shirt I'm wearing in Half-Baked. I'm wearing like this, most of the movie I wear this, like, yellow or orange shirt and underneath it I have a t-shirt with a bunch of drawings on it and yes in fact I did draw all the images on the undershirt very perceptive of you I drew like a crazy sun and some grass and some flowers and there's all kinds of cool imagery on there and yeah that was a that was a hand-drawn t-shirt I did I wish I'd kept it I don't know where that is but it would have been nice to have had that I try to sneak that in whenever I do movies. If you watch my movie Rocket Man, there's a scene where I'm in outer space

and I'm painting the ceiling of the space shuttle with all the space food. And you'll see I'm wearing a t-shirt with all kinds of crazy imagery on it. And that is a shirt that I drew myself. It's all colored with sharpies. And I spend a lot of time on it. because I think they really pop on camera. And then if you want to see another one of my homemade shirts, probably the most detailed of all,

if you watch my stand-up comedy special on Netflix called Harlan Williams, A Force of Nature, I wear one of my hand-drawn shirts through the whole special, and it's very intricate. Not only is there imagery on the shirt, but I tried to put imagery that represented kind of the whole cycle of life. There's images of fetuses, and there's images of heaven and hell and the moon and the sun and life and death and the

portal to the unknown and the afterlife and agony and society and the populated throngs of people and ants and it's a very detailed shirt that I put a lot of thought into it. It might look just like random drawings, but there's actually a much deeper. theme uh in the shirt on my special and if you if you pause the special you can probably look and see some of this stuff not that you have time in your life to do that but i thought i'd give you the backstory i love drawing on uh my own shirts and uh for those of you that ever want to buy one of my hand-drawn shirts i do sell them at the website harlow williams.com the problem is no sooner do i draw them than they usually get

purchase. They don't last very long once I put them up. And I only put up a few a year because I just don't have time to draw them. They're a lot of work. And, you know, they're like pieces of art. So next time I have some up on the web store, I will let you guys know. And should you want one, you can certainly go in and pick one out. But I'm glad you noticed the shirt, buddy. Yes, it was hand drawn and thank you for noticing it and thank you for watching half-baked. Yeah, baby.

Chicken chameen but not really good. Hello? Hello? Hey, Harlan. I just listened to the first premium content on the

podcast, the stand-up and comedy store. and thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you for putting that up. It's been a long time coming. Please, as much of that as you can. It's like, feed me, see more. You know, I can't go all over the country to see you at all your shows. So having them posted on the premium content is wonderful.

And, yeah, the price for premium content is a steal. But then back when you had this webpage with the cartoon characters from your podcast, Dr. Ascot and others, which I guess that webpage disappeared, you had a website. to contribute and you know even back then I contributed a hundred dollars 20 is a joke and like what we just got with the entire comedy segment you know just give us more more more more More. More. I want, I want, I want. I want. So, anyway, thank, Carlin. Talk you later. Bye. No, no, no, no, no. Thank you. Thank you. And I want to thank all of you, you, you

wonderful folk who have joined our premium content. And it sounds like, based on that call, that you're enjoying what you're getting. You know, you're getting live stand-up comedy. You're getting extra interviews with some of the characters. You're getting my whole other podcast. Let's Have a Fight. And I appreciate your feedback. I'm glad you're loving it. In fact, there's going to be some more live stand-up.

I'm actually doing a show tonight, which I will post on the premium site. Very shortly, I'm doing a show at the Comedy Store in Hollywood where it's called on the spot, and basically you have to make up your act based on suggestions from the audience. So I don't know if I'm going to blow it or kick ass. It's not going to be easy. I mean, it's hard enough to come up with prepared material. So if I can get an audience going with their suggestions, my God, that's a little terrifying. But I'm going to do it.

And I'm doing that with me and Joe Rogan and a few other people down at the comedy store tonight. I won't play it tonight, obviously, but it'll be coming up for premium members very, very soon. Also, let's have a fight. Our next Let's Have a Fight episode is coming up this Saturday. Yes, this Saturday. It will be March 12th. It's going to be a great fight. It's between Tom Green from MTV.

and Road Trip and Freddie Got Fingered versus Orney Adams A hilarious comedian You might have seen him in Jerry Seinfeld's movie The Comedian Or he's been a reoccurring character In MTV's Teen Wolf And he's just hilarious

And I'm going to be moderating the fight between those two So you can't go wrong with the premium content I really hope everyone listening Can get in there and subscribe It's $20 a year And as Brian, the last listener mentioned, it's a steal. And in a way it is, you know, there's other people doing what I do who do a lot less and charge a lot more. A lot of places charge, you know, 40, 50, 60, 70 bucks.

And they do way, way, way, way less material than I do. But I just, you know, I don't know what it is. I just want to make sure you guys aren't built. and, you know, you're getting something, but you're not having to put out too much. So $20 a year works out then less than probably a fraction of a penny a day. In fact, it probably goes backwards in terms of pennies a day. So you're really getting a lot of good stuff for a really good value.

So I hope more and more of you jump on the premium content. It's easy to do. You just, you can go to my website, Williams.com and go to the podcast page and you can see how to do it or you can get the app, the Harland Highway app for your phone, just go into your app store and type in the Harlan Highway and then once you've loaded the app for free, you can decide if you want to pay the 20 bucks a year for the premium membership and get all this bonus material that I'm doing a lot of.

And I think you'll really, really like it. And you know what? At the end of the day, it helps kind of cover my costs for all the extra stuff I'm doing in the podcast world. So I do appreciate it. And I'm glad you're loving it. And I think that's a good spot to end it right there. That's cool. So there you go.

Let's do some announcements. And we'll close this pound puppy up. As far as stand-up goes, hey, we are doing a thing called the Comedy Party. This thing is so cool. It's a one weekend type of show where me and Polly Shore and Tom Green and Bobby Lee from Mad TV are doing a theater tour of the Midwest. Let me give you the dates. It's April 7, 8, and 9. Okay. April 7th will be in Joliet, Illinois at the Rialto Square Theater.

One night only, Pauly Shore, Harlan Williams, Tom Green, Bobby Lee. It's going to be amazing. It's called the Comedy Party. April 7th, Rialto Square Theater, Joliet, Illinois. The next night will be at the Coronado Arts Center in Rockford, Illinois. That's April 8th, the Comedy Party. and then the next night will be at the Five Flags Arena in Dubuque, Iowa. That's April 9th. You can get your tickets at harlandwilliams.com.

Go in there and just click on my stand-up tour schedule, and it'll take you right to the lengths. So please don't miss it. I mean, that is a great night of comedy. The four of us on one show, we are going to have a comedy party. So April 7, 8, 9th, tell your friends, let's do this. Let's have a party. And there you go.

What else can I tell you? Coming in April as well, April 14th to the 17th, I will be at the Brea Improv. Brea is a beautiful city just outside of Los Angeles. The Brea Improv, April 14th, the 17th. And then I'll be in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, the last weekend of April, the 28th on through at the comic strip in the West Edmonton Mall. And then in May I'm at Gotham Live in New York City, going to the Big Apple to make them laugh. So a lot of great stuff, guys. And thank you all for your phone calls.

if you want to call and leave a message 323739 4330, 323739 4330, or you can leave me a message, you can write me a message at harlornwilliams.com. And we have a contact link there. And while you're in there, check out the store. Like I said, we got great products for you, T-shirts, CDs, DVDs, artwork, and hopefully there'll be some more hand-drawn t-shirts up there pretty darn soon. And there you go. So that's it.

Let's wrap it up. Thank you all for being here. Tell your friends to get on the Harlan Highway, of course. And until next time, chicken chau-mein, baby! Chicken chameen! but not really deep later later