The Harland Highway - 748 - Banning MUSLIMS from USA is discussed. Dolphin abuse.
Episode Date: March 7, 2016Mr. Fazzistad calls in to complain about the banning of Muslims to USA. Selfies take the life of an innocent sea creature. Harland makes a BIG ANNOUNCEMENT! Mentos, the freshmaker!!! Learn more about... your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Transcript
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Hey, ho, the mistletoe hung where you can suck it.
Okay, that was, no, that was aggressive.
Sorry, yikes.
Hey, gang, welcome to the Harland Highway.
Let's dial it down a nacho.
Very exciting show today.
I'm finally going to make a big announcement regarding a TV show I've been secretly working on
with the Walt Disney Corporation for the last four years.
Yes, four years, and it's finally up and running.
I'm finally allowed to make an announcement about it,
and I'm very excited to tell you about that.
So that's later on in the show.
Also, a crazy story about a lovable little dolphin.
Wait till you hear what happened to this cute little wonderful dolphin.
It'll break your little SeaWorld heart.
Trust me.
Crazy story.
and then later in the show, Mr. Fazistad, a man, I think he's of Arab descent, is coming on to the show.
I heard that he's very upset about Donald Trump talking about banning Muslims from coming into the United States,
and I think he has something to say about that.
So that should be a pretty hot conversation.
Mr. Fazistad has a bit of a temper.
So let's all get cool right here on the Harland Highway.
Where are I?
What is this?
Some kind of a joke or something?
Welcome to the Harland Highway.
What you're talking about Williams?
Son, you got a panty on your head.
Shut up and sit down, you big ball fuck.
Oh, God, what's happening here?
What's happened?
Hey, Harland, it's Shelby.
You just made a wrong turn.
On to the Harland Highway.
We choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other thing.
Not because they are easy, but because they are hard.
That is fantastic.
That's wrong with everybody in this crazy place.
The Harland Highway.
What is it?
The opening.
To what?
To another dimension.
This is Harland Williams.
You're a bad man.
You're a very bad man.
That is fantastic.
Hello?
Hello?
Hey, Harlan, John, from Illinois here.
I just wanted to call and let you know.
I've been listening to your past few podcasts where you mentioned Marie Husband,
and I got to agree with you on that one.
As a matter of fact, I just saw the commercial and I cracked up all the way through it
because as you said, she does gesture towards her crotch.
And I couldn't stop laughing.
I had to call and let you know that I totally agree with you on that one, Arles.
Anyway, thanks for making me laugh and keep up the good work.
Ha, ha. John from Illinois, thank you for your call. Good, sir.
I'm glad someone else has noticed this. John, you know, I was sitting there. Am I the only dude sitting on his couch alone looking at Marie, Marie Osmond, and drooling, and thinking, what's going on with this haughty?
So thank you for calling in.
I'm glad it made you laugh, man.
It is kind of funny.
If you're wondering what John and I are talking about,
go back to the last podcast number 746,
and you can hear my whole take on Marie Osmond and Nutrisystem.
Thanks for the call, John.
If anyone else wants to call in and leave a message,
the number is 323-739.
433-3-3-739-4-3-3-0
The Harland Highway
Crazy news stories
That's weird
That's strange stuff
Oh my God
This is ridiculous
This is one of the most ridiculous
Headlines I've read yet
Ready? Are you ready?
It's so ridiculous, it's half sad.
Here it is.
Baby dolphin dies after people take selfies with it.
What the hell?
You kidding?
Let's read this story.
Argentina beachgoers plucked.
It's never good when you hear the word plucked.
When was the last time you were plucked?
Argentina and beachgoers plucked.
a small, rare dolphin from the beach to photograph it
until the dolphin overheated and died.
This is terrible.
The dolphin was apparently passed around
by a crowd of people who took selfies with it.
Someone posted photos on the internet.
There's even a video here.
I wish you could see it.
It's like a big mob of people.
It looks like about...
70 people, and they're just passing around this dolphin.
Have you ever seen someone jump into a mosh pit at a rock concert and just get pat?
This is what it looks like.
People are clustered around.
There's this dolphin.
Hey, idiots, dolphins need to be in the water.
Here it is.
What may have seemed like a fun, harmless photo op turned into premature death for a
baby dolphin and Argentino. Argentina. Oh my god. Beach gores were spotted last week along
the shores of Santa Teresa plucking a couple of baby dolphins, a species labeled as vulnerable
to extinction, by some people that were walking in the area. They pulled the dolphin out of the water
and started passing it around for photos.
Oh my God.
Can you imagine that poor dolphin?
It's like he's just being passed around.
He just wants to get back in the water.
He's trying to talk.
You know, the dolphins are the second smartest creatures to man, they say.
And he's just trying to like talk to it.
He's like,
And everyone's like,
Hey, I want a pitcher.
And the dolphin in dolphin talk.
They're saying,
Put me back in the fucking water!
I'm a fucking marine animal.
The ocean's right there.
I'm not supposed to be held up in the air.
I'm not doing a mosh pit dive at a Metallica concert.
All these idiots snapping pitchers.
This dolphins, you know, jumping or being passed around like he's at a Metallica concert?
And who the hell brings their cell phone to the ocean?
All these idiots down by the water.
Can you go just lay on the beach without doing phone calls?
Let's keep reading here.
One man posted pictures to Facebook, which showed the dolphins being half.
held aloft like trophies.
Oh, this is horrible.
Well, grinning tourists were seemingly unaware or unbothered about the animal's discomfort.
Put me down, assholes.
The paper that wrote the story said the beachgoers' indifference to the dolphins continued after they were done.
They simply put at least one down on the sand.
fatal move for the rare creature.
What kind of an idiot are you when you pull a fish out, well, in this case, a mammal, but I think
we all know dolphins need water.
Hey man, are you finished taking selfies or what?
Yeah, I got my picture with the dolphin.
Yeah, I got mine too.
Uh, Marie, do you need a picture with the dolphin?
No, I got my picture too.
Okay, just put him down on the sand.
Let's go get some lunch.
Is Burger King open or what?
I don't know.
You sure we should just leave them on the sand?
Oh yeah, they're smart.
They're the second smartest creature.
So, like, he'll know how to get back in the water on his own for sure.
Like, hello, I mean, look how smart we are.
Like, we held them up and took pictures of them with our phones.
So if we're that smart and we put them down on the dirt,
Um, like if he's second smart, he should know to go back in the water.
And if he doesn't, then that's on him for not being second smart, as smart as we are, right?
Assholes.
Holy God.
A fatal move for the rare creature.
Not only know, these dolphins are like endangered.
it says like other species these dolphins cannot remain for much time out of the water
the dolphin has thick fatty skin that provides warmth so the hot weather will cause rapid
dehydration and death yeah duh holy god they let the thing the things blubber like killed it
It's like you put a dolphin out on the lay it on the beach.
It's like you might as well be throwing a roast in the oven.
Could I get some parsley and some potato garnish, please?
Good Lord.
People on Facebook expressed their disgust.
Quote, this makes me cry and hate the human race even more, someone wrote.
No kidding.
What is wrong with us?
Jeez, Facebook.
Here's some more quotes.
This terribly unfortunate event is an example of the casual cruelty people can inflict
when they use animals for entertainment purposes
without thinking of the animal's needs via the water.
At least one of these dolphins suffered a horrific,
Chromatic and utterly unnecessary death for the sake of a few photographs or selfies.
Wild animals are not toys or photo props.
So I guess there was a, I guess I misread, there was a couple of dolphins.
I mean, poor thing.
All these people holding it up.
Taking pictures thinking they're so cool and this thing just, it's slowly dying.
With each click, with each selfie, click, click, click, click, it's almost like it's almost like its last heartbeat.
As the clicking stopped, so did the sad animal's heart.
As the final selfie was taken, so went the poor misfortune animal's final heartbeat.
Almost poetic, it's so sad.
Poor little guy.
Well, there you go.
That's our crazy news story of the day.
Here's, you know, a little tip.
Next time you're at the beach and you want to selfie it with a dolphin, go in the water.
See if it pops up.
Don't drag a dolphin out onto land.
Pass it around like a beer keg.
Take pictures, and when you're done, just leave it on the sand.
Morons.
Oh, crazy news story.
Sad news story.
Little dolphin, rest in peace.
Exactly.
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Have fun.
Don't throw your back out.
We all want that little black dress moment, that look good, feel good moment.
But when you're overweight, it's more like little black dress.
I don't even want to get dressed.
I'm tired.
My knees hurt.
I'm not going up those stairs again.
You know what I'm saying?
Yes, yes.
Thank you, Marie.
Nutra system.
You're hot.
We get it.
You're hot.
but we were talking about a cute little marine mammal.
And, oh, you know what?
Speaking of cute little animals, oh, my God.
I have to, you know, I've been kind of teasing you guys a little bit with this announcement,
you know, a little bit here and there.
And today I'm officially allowed to make the announcement
because it came out in the media.
I had to wait for it to come out in the media first.
But here it is.
You're ready?
I'm very excited about this
and for you pavement pounders with young kids
I'm talking like
three to seven year olds
you are going to love me pretty soon
here we go
here's my big announcement
my brand new TV show
that I'm doing with the Walt Disney company
okay
is coming to your television
really soon you know what Roger
cue me with some of that nice Walt Disney
music will I make this announcement let's spice this up let's make this a big deal hit me
yeah yeah there you go there you go okay so Harlan Williams and Walt Disney
present in June of 2017 a new animated series called puppy dog tails yes puppy dog
tails. Oh, that's bad. See, that sounded good, man. That was very good. All right. So let me tell you
what it is, okay? And this thing's been in the works for a while. This is the show that I pitched
to Walt Disney about four years ago. And, you know, it's an animated cartoon. It's going to be
on Disney Jr., which is the same network.
that has Doc McStuffins and Sheriff Callie and Miles from Tomorrowland and all these
great shows for young children.
And this is a show about two little puppies.
They're pugs.
I think everybody loves puppies.
And if you haven't ever seen a pug puppy, oh my God.
Oh, my God.
So these two little pug puppies are the star.
of the show their names are bingo and roly bingo's kind of a uh you know tough little guy athletic
and roly's kind of like the the chubbier yo younger brother he's 36 seconds younger they're both
from the same litter and they live with their owner and their owner's name is bob and the gist of the
show is that Bob always says something or does something or the pug see him do something or or
catch him saying something and they misinterpret what he says.
For example, like the pilot episode, Bob is reading the newspaper and there's an article
that he reads out loud. He's like, oh my goodness, the Mona Lisa has.
has been stolen. You know, the famous painting, the Mona Lisa, and he reads the article,
considered by some to be the greatest painting in the world. Oh, no, I love the Mona Lisa.
And then Bob goes off to work, and the bogs, bingo and rolley, are like, oh my gosh, Bob loves
Mona Lisa. We've got to find the Mona Lisa for Bob. And then they deduce, well, if it's the greatest
painting in the world, it should probably hang on the greatest wall in the world.
And they figure out that the greatest wall in the world is the great wall of China.
So off the puppies go, they sneak out the door, they sneak out an airplane, they go to China.
They're running around on the great wall of China.
Of course, they do all this during the day while Bob's at work.
And they're always back by 5 o'clock before Bob, and they've solved the mystery.
or they've cracked the case.
Whatever their mission is,
it's always based on something they misinterpreted from Bob,
but in the end, makes Bob happy.
They're just doing it, because they're going on these adventures
to make their master happy.
And Bob has no idea that they do all these things.
And so every episode is the Pugs resolving an issue
that ends up making Bob happy.
The Pugs know they did it, but Bob doesn't have a clue,
but they think Bob knows that they did it.
So what's going to be great about the show is this show that the adventure could be in the puppy's backyard or it could take them all the way to the other side of the world.
We've got episodes where they're at the Great Pyramids of Egypt.
We've got them in Africa.
We've got them in Paris.
We've got them in Italy.
We've got them in China.
Australia everywhere.
So anyways, it's been really tough for me the last few years because I do a lot of interviews.
and I have a lot of, you know, fans ask me a lot of questions.
And they go, what are you working on?
What are you up to?
And I'm like, I can't tell you.
And so today they finally released it in all the papers and all the trade magazines.
The word is out.
And I'm finally allowed to talk about it.
And so it's called Puppy Dog Tales.
It's the adventures of bingo and roly.
And this thing looks beautiful.
I mean, it's going to be computer animation.
You know, just kind of like how you see when you watch Shrek or Madagascar, these type of movies.
The animation is just gorgeous.
The puppies look adorable.
Oh, my gosh.
Now that I'm allowed to talk about it, I'll probably be posting some pictures of the puppies up on my Twitter page.
So if you want to keep abreast of the puppy dog tails, please join my Twitter account.
My Twitter account is at Harland Williams.
So like I said, if you have kids, oh my gosh, I'm hoping they're going to just love this show
because the puppies are so adorable.
And then there's a bunch of other characters and some of the voices we have.
Oh, my gosh.
We have some really fun.
We've just started casting the voices.
I won't say their names yet because I'm not sure I'm allowed to do that,
but I will tell you I do one of the voices.
I'll be doing the voice of the dog's owner, Bob.
But we have, let me tell you this, we have a famous rock star doing a voice.
We have a famous cast member from Saturday Night Live doing a voice.
We have a famous cast member from that show The Office doing a voice.
And still more to come.
So really exciting.
And I'm glad I could finally share that with you.
Unfortunately, because animation takes so long, you know, we're talking Disney,
told me that June 2017 is our air date.
So it's over almost a year and a half before you get to see it.
But, you know, good things are worth waiting for.
So very excited, very thankful for Disney for, you know, taking my idea and wanting to make
this into a full-blown episode.
By the way, 50 episodes.
And that's just our first season.
If the show does well and we get a second season, another 50 episodes.
Your kids are going to grow up on puppy dog tails.
So it's going to be awesome.
And I'll leave it right there.
I'll keep you guys posted as more developments unfold.
But very, very excited.
On a storm
Makes no difference who you are
Because when you wish upon a storm
Oh,
dreams
God,
Charlie!
Oh,
Okay, who
Well, I was just celebrating here.
Okay, who is it?
Hmm?
All right.
All right, I'll...
Roger's just telling me to pick it up.
You know, I don't like surprises.
Just tell me who it is, Roger.
Who?
Fazi-Stad?
Mr. Fossi-Stad?
Oh, boy.
Okay, well, put them through, I guess.
We've had them on the show before.
Yeah.
Okay, Mr. Fossi-Stad, uh, hello, sir.
Uh, hello, Mr. Ruelele.
Yes, how are you today, sir?
I'm not very good, Mr. Vilelele Ams.
Okay, is it something we said on the show here?
No, Mr. Waelalehams.
I'm very upset.
I'm very concerned about the general elections in the United States of America.
You're upset about the elections in the United States?
That's what I said, Mr.
Mr. Ruella Alps, I'm very angry. Mr. Trump is making me very upset, and I'm very, very angry, Mr. Luella Al-Ams.
Okay, well, I'm sorry you're upset, Mr. Fazi Stod. Is there anything you wanted to say or get off your chest?
Well, I want to say that Mr. Trump's running for the president of the United States.
Yep, Mr. Trump's, Donald Trump?
That's what I said, Mr. Trump's.
I'm sorry?
Mr. Trump's.
Mr. Trump's?
There's no A on the end.
Mr. Williams, I'm trying to say Mr. Trump's.
Okay, Donald Trump.
Yes, correct.
Donald Trump's running for president and very upset because,
Mr. Trumpers says that he wants to ban all the Mosulums.
Could you say that again, Mr. Fazistad?
I think I know.
He wants to ban all the Muslim.
He wants to ban all the Muslims.
That is what I'm saying, Mr. Ruehlerams.
Now, this is unacceptable.
I am the American citizen.
Originally, I come from the Middle East, of course.
Many, many Muslims in the Middle East and Mr. Trumps, he want to ban the Muslim from coming into United States of America.
Unacceptable.
It's what?
Unacceptable, sir.
Yes, Mr. Lambs.
I don't know why you have to always repeat me.
Well, I'm sorry, so you do have a heavy accent, and I'm just trying to get clarification to make sure that I'm getting everything you're saying.
Well, I think what I'm saying is there is a very angry sentiment amongst the Muslim population in the United States of America and all over the world.
All over what?
All over the world?
That's what I said, Mr. Reweiler.
All over the war, I think you're getting a little animated here, sir,
and I just, I need you to take a breath.
I will not take breath, Mr. Williams, until Mr. Donald Trump is out of the race for president.
Well, I don't think you can just pick him out of the, kick him out of the presidential race, sir.
Well, I think unacceptable, and from this moment forward,
I, Mr. Fazistad, I will show you how it feels like to be banned from America.
You're going to show us how it feels to be banned from America.
How do you propose to do that, sir?
Because I ban all America, Americans.
I'm sorry?
I'm from this moment forward.
I, Mr. Fassistan and all the Muslims, we have.
ban Americans.
What do you mean you ban
Americans? So we show
you how it feels, Mr. William,
to be a
band. It's not
a good feeling to be banned,
Mr.
Williams. And so from this
moment, from right now,
look at your watch, Mr. Williams.
From right, in his very second,
the Muslim community
bans Americans.
What do you mean, bans Americans?
What, what, ban us from what?
Well, never, let me ask you this, Mr. Williams.
Where do you go to shop?
Where do I go to shop?
I go to the mall near my house.
No, you are banned from the mall, Mr. Williams.
You cannot go in the mall.
What do you mean?
I can't go in the mall.
You are banned.
The Muslims ban you.
See, how does that feel, Mr. Rihleram?
I'm going to go in the mall.
No, you're not, your band.
Where do you go for ice cream treat, Mr. William?
What is it?
Where do I go for ice cream treats?
Where do you go for your ice cream a treat?
I don't know.
I go to Baskin-Robbins, sir.
No, not anymore, you're banned.
What?
Your band from a 31 flavor.
No more Baskin-Robin, your band.
What are you saying?
Only the Muslims go into 31 flavors.
No more American, you're banned.
See how that feels, honky-tong.
Okay, this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Mr. Raleigham's, let me ask you, when you get hungry, do you ever go through the drive-through?
Yes, I go through the drive-thru.
Which one, Mr. Raleigham?
I don't know. I go through McDonald's.
go through McDonald's, Wendy's, Burger King.
One, two, three.
Your banned from McDonald's, your band from Burger King,
and your band from Wendy's, Mr. Williams.
Band, banned, band, with one, two, three.
Would you knock it off?
We're not banned from anything.
No more hamburger king.
No more McDonald's.
Snap, happy McDonald's, happy meal.
No more Wendy hot and juicy, Mr.
Would you cut it out?
I'm not banned from the drive-thru,
and neither is anyone else listening who's American.
So, now maybe you start to feel it, huh, Mr. Lilliams?
Now you feel it sinking into your skin,
your white-lily white American skin.
You tell me, Star-Skin Hodge,
How it feels to be banned.
Did you just call me Starsky and Hodge?
That's correct, Mr. Row, William.
Look, I don't know how it feels to be banned
because I'm not taking this seriously.
I'm not getting banned from anything.
Mr. Williams, where does your girlfriend sleep at a night?
What?
I said, Mr. Williams,
where does your girlfriend sleep at a night?
Where does my girlfriend sleep at night in her bedroom in her band?
And your band to go in her bedroom and stand near her bed, your band.
Listen here, Fazi Stad.
If you think you're going to put your hands on your woman and have whoopty-do time,
no way, hoarse, your band.
You're not banning me from my own girlfriend.
You're not banning me from the mall.
You're not banning me from
Burger King, no more Burger King,
no more Wendy's, no more Harvest,
no more curly fries,
no more straight fries,
cordly fries,
potato tots,
Wendy's hot and juicy,
McDonald's,
we do it your way,
McDonald's drive-through,
we're loving it,
McDonald's,
Shamrock, shake,
dairy queen, blizzard,
peanut buster,
party,
asking a
robin
33,
freedom of
by the Muslim
population
Mr.
William.
Stop it!
Holy crap, dude.
Okay, nobody's banned.
You haven't been
banned.
It's the rhetoric
of Donald Trump,
who many people think is nuts.
Just because he's
says there's a ban on Muslims coming into the United States doesn't make it so.
Why do we wait and see if that ever happens because I doubt it ever will?
And for you to ban me and all the other Americans from our everyday regular lives,
you can't do that.
Oh, Mr. Williams.
Mr. Williams.
How does it feel now, Mr. Williams?
Now you cannot go to the mall.
You cannot go to the food court.
Imagine Mr. Williams, they look in your child's eyes.
When your child goes to the food court and says,
Daddy, I want to go to Panda Express, Daddy,
and get some spring rolls, Papa.
And you walk up to the counter and you say,
I would like some spring rolls for my little seven-year-old daughter.
And the man working at the Penda Expressman,
says, oh, isn't that nice?
Where is your daughter Fav?
What is her nationality?
What is your seven-year-old daughter sitting in the ship?
Are you out of your mind?
Oh, wait, your daughter's American.
Your daughter was born on the soil
in the United States of America?
I am sorry, little girl,
but turn your lily white ass cheats around
and get the fuck away from Panned Express
because you are banned.
You are banned from the fucking sacking.
Spring rolls and the fucking cashew peanuts and the orange pale chicken.
Get the fuck away or band.
Get away.
American, holy muzzle of eat here at Penn Express.
Get away.
Stop it!
Dude, you need to really cool it down and dial it back.
Well, Mr. Williams, I think maybe I made my point.
And now you see how horrible it is.
To be excluded from society because of your religious affiliation, your faith.
The God that you worship, Mr. Williams.
Can you imagine if Jesus was crucified on the cross for Borger King or Wendy's hot and juicy?
If Jesus Christ looked to the heavens and said, Father, why have you killed me, father?
Therefore, what purpose have you crucified your only begotten son?
And God himself spoke and said,
Because you cannot have any more burger king
Or Wendy's hot and juicy, my son.
Jesus, no more coliprises, no more...
What, Joe, cut it out!
This is...
Now you're sounding insane, Fuzzy Stod.
Look, I got to go.
This just isn't, this make, look, the Muslim band thing is crazy.
It's insane.
Nobody believes it's going to happen.
And so I don't see why you're getting worked up about it.
It's almost an impossibility.
So just settle down.
Let this thing play out.
And we'll all go from there, okay?
Oh, easy for you to say, Mr. Williams.
Fazistad has a family here.
Fazistad has wife and children and Mr. Trump want to block them out.
Fazistad has a friend in Middle East and family.
And maybe they want to come to United States of America and have Burger King and Basque and Robbins and Golden Coral and High Hop and Denys and all the wonderful treats in America.
and we are banned from this?
Who are you to ban
a Muslim population from
rooty, putty, fresh and fruity?
How dare
you ban a Muslim population
from Popeye's
deep fried Cajun shrimp
poppers?
How dare you ban
us from mint chocolate
chip ice cream?
Stop it!
Dude, I'm hanging up.
No one can take any more of this.
You are on a rant, and none of it makes sense, okay?
Thank you for calling.
Roger, hang up.
And one more thing, I will.
If you ever want to go to Victoria's Secret and get a garter belt for your life,
you are banned.
You are banned from Victoria's Secret.
No more lingerie boner for you, Mr. Williams.
Poopie poo on your poopie face, Mr. Williams.
Hang up on him.
No more coconut cream pie from the house of pie.
Hang up!
What the Jesus was that, Roger?
I'm freaking sweating listening to this guy.
I've never had so much anger and vitrioles.
Get him off.
Wow.
You know, in the...
Roger, in the future, I could use a...
a little of your help here, okay?
Like, seriously, when something like,
when a phone call like that gets out of control,
could you please, like, step in and maybe disconnect the guy?
Yes, sir.
I mean, geez, I'm just asking for a little help here, buddy.
Sorry.
Not really.
Come on, knock it off with the laughing.
I'm just going to end the show now.
Now you've put me in a mood.
first they get yelled at by Mr. Fossi Stod.
By the way, this whole banning of people, it's not going to happen, okay?
And I understand the passion and the concern.
And, I mean, my God, if I was Muslim, I'd be freaking out too.
I'd be like, what the hell is this?
But the likelihood, I don't know that it'll never happen, but I just don't know.
This is a crazy election.
We're living in crazy times.
I guess I understand why he's upset, but to turn around and try and ban, I don't even, banning Americans from their own country from going to the mall and eating and living and functioning.
It's just, Roger, do a better job screening our callers.
And I'm sorry everyone had to listen to that.
ear-shattering rant.
God, unbelievable, man.
I mean, I think everyone's a little emotional right now,
and maybe this is the best time to just, you know,
segue to the end of the show.
I feel everyone's temperatures high, everyone's hot.
It's a touchy topic.
So let's end the show.
Let's do some announcements.
Yes.
Yes, yes, announcements.
Don't forget coming up this very weekend.
Uh-huh.
Houston, Houston, Texas.
Get your act into gear.
Thursday, March 10, 11, 12, and 13.
Yours truly will be live doing stand-up comedy at the Houston Improv, Boys and Girls.
So get your tickets.
out to the Houston Improv, March 10, 11, 12, and 13.
Going to be a great weekend to stand-up comedy.
And then flipping over to April, the comedy party begins.
This is a three-night run of theaters.
This is going to be in Iowa and Kentucky.
It's called The Comedy Party.
All the details are at Harland Williams.com.
It's me, Polly Shore.
Bobby Lee from Mad TV and Tom Green, Wildman, Tom Green.
So four wild, nutty comedians in one beautiful theater,
one night only in each town.
All the towns and tickets and all the info you need is at Harlan Williams.com.
Just go to my comedy link, my stand-up comedy schedule,
and you will have a whole world of stand-up.
open up in your face.
That's April 7, 8, and 9, the comedy party.
And then the following weekend in Brea, California,
April 14, 15, 16, and 17.
I will be at the Brea Improv.
And then at the end of the month,
the last weekend in April,
I'll be in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada,
at the comic strip at the West Edmonton Mall lookout.
coming up in May you can catch me in New York
I'll be at Gotham Live
a great club in New York and this will be May 12th
sorry May 13th and 14th Friday and Saturday only
going to be awesome so come on up and check that out
and while you're at Harlow Williams.com check out our fabulous merchandise store
We got artwork, t-shirts, books, music, digital downloads, you name it.
Tons of stuff to keep you laughing and entertained.
Also, be sure to join my premium content for $20 a year.
You get all 800, almost 800 episodes of the Harlan Highway, all the backlog episodes,
plus all the original content I'm adding, plus my other podcast.
called Let's Have a Fight where I have verbal fights with other funny people
and all kinds of special stuff on the Harland Highway premium content
for 20 bucks a year.
Helps to support all the podcast stuff I do.
I appreciate everyone who's joined.
Thank you much, Lee.
And also get the Harland Highway app on your phone
so you can listen to this podcast wherever you go on your phone.
Just go into your app store and type in the Harland Highway, and off you go.
Also, if you're on Twitter, please join my Twitter feed.
I'm at Harland Williams, and the reason I say that is because Twitter's probably my most active social media account,
and I like to tweet out funny little comments all through the week.
And hopefully, you know, maybe you're having a crappy day or you're bored or something,
and all of a sudden one of my stupid little tweets
comes across your cell phone
and lo and behold, it makes you laugh or smile
or throw up or whatever.
But if you're not on my Twitter account,
you won't ever see them.
So people are enjoying them and I'm just doing them for fun.
So at Harland Williams
and also that keeps you abreast of all my activities.
And as I said, I will keep you posted on my news,
Disney show, The Puppy Dog Tales.
Woo-hoo!
And that's it, man.
We are done for today.
Don't forget, you are not banned from anywhere.
Enjoy your life.
Enjoy your country.
Roam around freely, like lost giraffes on the Serengeti.
And until next time, chicken, chameen, baby.
America, American.