The Harland Highway - 753 - Corporal TOM DOWDY on waterboarding and torture.

Episode Date: March 28, 2016

Today we get a call from Corporal TOM DOWDY on waterboarding and torture. Also, DRONES, do we need them? And a sneak preview of the next LET'S HAVE A FIGHT podcast. Fight till it's right!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Oh, what a show, what a show, what a show, what a show we got for you today. It's really quite a show. Oh, really? Is it quite a show? Oh, yes, it's quite a show. All right, enough with the English chit-chat. Let's get on with the wonderful show. Hi, this is the Harland Highway podcast. I am your host, Harlan Williams.

And quite the show today. Oh, my gosh, we are going to be playing some clips from my other podcast. Let's Have a Fight. Another podcast that is available to premium members, but we're going to give you a free sample today of some of the moments from that podcast, trying to encourage you to join up to our premium membership. Also, we're going to be talking about the whole epidemic of drones. Drones, drones, drones, drones. Do you own a drone? Do you want a drone?

Do you really even need a drone flying around you? I don't know. We're going to talk about it. And then a very serious topic towards the end of the show. We have a special guest. Lieutenant Colonel, French commander, Tom Dowdy from the U.S. Army. He's going to be on here sharing his thoughts about interrogation, waterboarding, terrorism, all the stuff that's been happening in Europe and how we can possibly prevent it.

And should we or shouldn't we torture? I don't know. We'll find out on the heart. Harland Highway. Where am I? What is this? Some kind of a joke or something? Welcome to the Harland Highway.

What are you talking about words? Son, you got a panty on your head. Shut up and sit down, you big ball fuck. Oh, God, what's happening here? What's happened? Hey, Harland, it's Shelby. You just made a wrong turn. On to the Harland Highway.

We choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other thing. Not because they are easy, but because they are hard. That is found. That's wrong with everybody in this crazy place. The Harland Highway. What is it? Opening. To what?

To another dimension. This is Harland Williams. You're a bad man. You're a very bad man. That is fantastic. Okay. Is it just me or am I the only one missing? Okay, Roger.

Roger. Thank you. Shut it off. Am I the only one missing the drone phenomenon here? Is it just me? Because everywhere I... Roger, everywhere I read, everywhere I look. Roger, shut it off.

Shut the damn thing. Everywhere I look, it's drone mania. Do you know what I'm talking about? drones, these little things, they have helicopter propellers and they're the size of a pizza. They're like pizzas with propellers and they can fly up in the air and they can hover and they can and you know, I'm starting to see shops popping up. Like I drove by like the drone store the other day and I'm thinking, is there really that much of a demand for a drone?

and I'm reading articles on, you know, on the internet, it's like the fastest growing sector of the technological, you know, it's the drone market. Get in on the drone, buy some stock. Drones are taking over. Drones are the next, Roger! Drones are the next big thing. You've got to have a drone if you don't.

Roger, shut the goddamn bro. drone off. What's the matter with you, man? I'm trying to talk. So my point is like if everybody's buying a drone who needs it? Like what are you doing with a drone?

It's like, you know, I really could use a $2,000 shot of the roof of my car because these things are like two, three, four, five grand. And it's like, who the heck? Roger I'm going to ask it for the last time shut the damn drone off would you stop it turn it off god I mean these things aren't cheap they're not they're not a cheap it's not

it's kind of a toy but it's not a toy it's kind of a high-tech toy and I just don't know how many times in a year would you use a drone? Well, I just bought a $3,500 drone, and finally, yes, finally, I'm going to have an overhead view of the roof of my house. Do you know how long I've wanted to see the roof of my house? What? Google Earth is free? What's Google Earth? It's a satellite imager that I can look at any, I can look at anywhere in the world from an aerial point of view. Oh, damn it. I mean, that's my other big question. It's like, you know, Google Earth, you can go anywhere.

Type in an address and you've got an aerial view of anywhere on the planet. And so the concept of a drone flying up and down and, you know, I'm talking about personal drones. I'm not talking about military drones. I'm not talking about the drones that Amazon wants to use to deliver stuff. Those serve a practical purpose. But for you and me and your neighbor, seriously, how often are you going to use the drone? You'll probably use it about as much as you use your dental floss. Now, maybe you're a photo guy.

Maybe you're turn that damn thing off. Turn it off, turn it off, turn it off! Jesus, man! As I was saying, before Roger rudely droned me out, maybe you're into photography, maybe you're a filmmaker, okay? Maybe you're a weekend photographer, even so, even if you, you know, if you're one of these people that takes video or, or it has a GoPro or takes pictures.

And let's face it, most of us think we're that person. You know, we buy the GoPro. We buy all this stuff like, oh, man, I better get a GoPro for when I do my parachute jump, which I never end up doing. I better get a GoPro when I go swimming underwater with sharks in the Bermuda Triangle, which I never end up doing. I better get a GoPro for when I do four flips in the air

when I'm snowboarding, which I'm never going to do. Like, we've all created this, this fake, illusionary, alter life that we have where we're all daredevils. Most of us are afraid to jump over a puddle when it rains, and everyone's got this kind of, this romantic notion that they get a GoPro, suddenly they're going to turn into like James Bond and be skied jumping over alligator, and wrestling with the, you know, anacondas in a swamp. Well, I'll put the GoPro on my head and maybe I'll go to Africa and punch a lion in the face and, you know, I'll get it all.

Wait till I show my friends. Cut to your GoPro. I got to be honest, I have a GoPro, and this isn't even a joke. I have a GoPro I bought two years ago. It's sitting in my house. It's still in the damn box. I haven't even opened it. I bought the strap from my head.

I bought the extension pole. I bought the underwater casing. Yeah, I had all these notions that I was going to go to the moon and I was going to be a scuba diver. And I, you know, I kind of put the cart ahead of the horse. And suddenly I'm just a guy. who likes to sit on the couch and eat ruffles with French onion dip.

And I don't really want to film that. I just want to relax on my couch. I don't want to rock climb. I don't want to go down Whitewater Rapids. I don't want to skateboard off the edge of a roof. Just because I bought a camera. I wonder how many people have broken their bones and totally damage themselves because they have this romantic notion

that they're going to be GoPro daredevils. So I'm thinking if you don't even use a handheld camera, how many times are you going to use a damn drone, man? I'm just going to let it run through. I'm not even going to... Go ahead, Roger, run your drone. Oh, you're happy. You're done, you're happy?

Idiot. Um, now I can see the practical use for drones, you know, but like I said, it's more for professionals. Like I did a comedy special a few years ago. I don't know how many of you saw it called Force of Nature where we actually shot it out in, in the desert up on a big hill. And we actually employed a helicopter and a helicopter pilot. And, and they shot the special like circling around me and it was noisy and it was loud. And it was really fun. But, you know, nowadays you could probably just buy a drone for a fraction of the cost and just fly the drone around. So I get it. There are reasons for it.

And if you're a filmmaker, a video maker, you know, maybe. But seriously, how often are you going to do it? How often does one need an aerial shot? Okay, so here's the scene. We're all at a picnic. and David reaches over for a corn on the cob and Karen reaches for some watermelon. Now it's a nice tight shot,

but we're going to do it two times. The first time we're going to do a land camera and then the second time everybody, nobody look up because we don't want to tip our hat, but we're going to shoot it from overhead from about, I don't know, 90 to 150 feet up. So really reach with that corn on the cob

and really let us see you past the watermelon so we get it from up above. Uh, de lo. Dullo. That's a new catchphrase I invented. It's duh and hello. Dullo. You can use that if you want. I think it's pretty good.

Uh, de loo. I like it. Um, so. Oh, God. You see, not only are drones annoying, but just the noise they make. It's like a swarm of mosquitoes. Turn it off! It's like a swarm of mosquitoes buzzing around.

So I don't know. I'm just talking out loud about the practicality of drones. And lastly, I'll say, as if there aren't enough invasive devices in our private lives. You know, now everything you can do, you do, somebody could, you know, photograph it or videotape it or email it or Facebook it or Twitter it. It's so hard to be private anymore. And the last thing you need to be doing is, you know, waking up in the morning, walking out into your living room and your tidy whiteies, your guts hanging out, your hair's messy, and a freaking drone floats up at your living room window. and films you Or you're out sunbathing in the nude or your skinny dipping in your pool and all of a sudden

Hey what the hell's that thing? Is that a giant? What kind of bird is that? It's kind of flat and it's got Its wings look funny. It looks like there's propellers on it. Wait, what the hell? So there you go. Just thought I'd throw it out there. Are the drones are? Are the drones or really necessary. Do we need them? Are you wasting your money? I could drone on and on about it, but I won't. I'll let it land right now. I'm a mannequin. That's what I am. I'm a mannequin. Well, I'm not a mannequin. I'm just a man. I'm a man. And as a man, it's my job to be manly and bring you comedy I want to play a little clip from my upcoming

my other podcast called Let's Have a Fight This is a podcast you can only get if you're a premium member to the Harlan Highway It's a complete separate podcast from this one And it's unbelievable Basically it's two comedians or two actors Or two funny people

Basically having a full-on verbal brawl it's three rounds and uh they're given topics by the mediator and they just go at it they go at each other and uh i want to play a little sample clip of the next upcoming fight with comedians adam ray and brad williams and uh these guys they got into it i think uh the first topic they fought about was killer whales. Hey everybody, who wants to have better sex? No? Yes. Yes. The answer is yes. You always want to have better sex. That's what you want it to be better, not worse. Trust me. And Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item plus free shipping. And more than that, Adam and Eve wants to make your life easy. They offer discrete shipping as your privacy is a priority.

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or anything you desire. Just enter the offer code Harland to check out. That's Harland, H-A-R-L-A-N-D at Adam and Eve.com. This is an exclusive offer specific to this podcast. So be sure to use this code Harland so you get your discount and 100% free shipping code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out.

Should Killer Whale shows be allowed or not allowed? Listen to them, fight it out. Oh, yeah. What a great idea. A killer whale show. Yeah, let's take an innocent creature that had nothing to do. No aspirations of swimming for money in front of millions of people. That they get nothing but fish that they could already get in their own natural habitat.

Let's pull them out of their home away from their families and put them on display. How would you feel if you were six years old and somebody came in to your little preschool or tree wherever you were taking math? And they pulled you out and they put you on stage and they said, hey, damn. you little bitch and they say put on a show shut up shut up

put on a show I'm limited food that you could get out of thousands of people and you loved it yeah and where's your family by the way are you okay

just not seeing them ever again I'm a family of killer whales they're killer whales I don't trust being around them oh she don't trust your family I would love to be away from them and being taken care of

and massaged every day have all my medical expenses is covered by the sea world and you used to be swimming and living in a giant ocean and now and now you're on a tiny little pool it's like if you were sleeping on a giant king size mattress and then the fucking bad guys came in and pulled you out and put you on a tiny little diorama to sleep on a children's diorama and you can't go outside that diorama otherwise we're going to shoot you with a harpoon you fucking dancing bitch wow that was just one of the That's just a small little segment of it

And the boys also got into it The argument came up When a man and women go out on a date Should the man pay for everything? As a man, I should be able to provide for my family I should be able to provide for the woman that I love And she should be able to sit back, relax And understand that I've got this

I've got it taken care of There's other ways that you can say that you've got it You don't need to just show it through financial monetary ways You can show it through hugs for opening the door when she walks into her car or van or bus wherever you're getting your whatever you're paying for the tit job that she's getting. Wow.

Look, women have rights and voices and money too. And let them pay, baby. Let them pay. Wow, it sounds like maybe it's a little sexist or something, what he's saying. It's incredibly sexist. Sounds like the woman is going to pay if she goes out on a date with Adam Ray.

She's going to pay money. He's got a point, yeah. And she's got to pay with her self-esteem, and she's going to have to pay with all her friends knowing that she's going out with a pussy. Oh, dude. Look, she doesn't have to pay every time. But she can pay once and see what it feels like. Wow. Is that how you convince her to do anal?

Just do it once, babe. Just do it once. Let's see what it feels like. Oh, and it just kept going. Okay, we live in a culture and a space and time where, you know, it's, you know, it's. not just a man's world anymore, okay? We, we as women, oh wow. We as women.

Now I know you have a vagina. I'm defending, and I'll play with it on air. We also, this studio is pretty dusty. You should get it out of your apron and your dust mom and take care of this, Alice. Oh, the Alice bomb just dropped. You know what? So there's

a sample of that fight. And then the other topic that came up in the let's have a fight podcast is should should parents be allowed to spank their children listen to this well it's funny you bring up ramifications chris brown who thinks it's okay to hit people because that's what you're teaching your child if you hit them as a kid then when they grow up you're like yeah i could hit people that's okay my dad did it to me so so when my girlfriend burns the toast a little bit she's going to get the back of my hand is that the kind of

world you want to create. Clearly you were beaten over burnt toast and I'm sorry about it. Sounds like it depends on you're a product of your environment. Yeah, if you're a parent who's just beating for the sake of beating, yeah, if you drop a glass of milk and you get punched in the dick, sorry you were raised in that household, because that's not fair. I'm talking about getting punished for things that makes sense. So there you go. That's just a little, little sample of a full, you know, podcast that is just, it's just so much fun to listen to. It's so much. It's so much. fun to hear these people go at each other, to fight for their point of view. And after each fight, the moderator has to, you know, dissect each fighter's fight

and try and figure out who won the fight and award the win. And you'll be amazed to hear who won this round of, Let's Have a Fight. Very, very unexpected ending. But the only way you'll find out is if you join our premium membership, and here's the best part. It's only $20, not a day, not a month, a year. $20 for a whole year, okay? That gets you the Let's Have a Fight podcast. It gets you every single archived episode of the Harland Highway. As it stands now, you only get the current 50. If you join the $20 premium package, you get all 750. That's a lot. Plus, you get my live stand up.

You get special interviews and segments with my guests and yada, yada, yada. So please jump on the premium content. You can get it at Harlan Williams.com, going to my podcast link, or you can go to your app store and just type in the Harland Highway app and download it, and it will give you a menu selection to join the premium. Only $20 a year. I do appreciate it. It helps me do all this crazy stuff.

and the people that are on board are just loving it. I want to thank all you premium members. So there you go. The next, let's have a fight with Brad Williams and Adam Ray, coming up very, very soon next week, and I wouldn't want you to miss it. All right, we got that out of the way. Let's keep motoring here, baby.

Let's keep motoring. I'm Floyd Bernie, the rockabilly boy. Don't you understand? All right, well, let's shift gears to something a little more serious and a little more tragic. I hate to even talk about this stuff, but, you know, we've had these horrible terrorist attacks across Europe and Paris and Brussels and Belgium. It's just, it's not ending any time soon. And of course, we've had various politicians take different stances, and it's hard to know who's right. right, you know. You have politicians that say we will not torture to get information out of

terrorists. And then there's other people who, like Donald Trump, said that, you know, we had the guy in Brussels, had we gone beyond waterboarding him and tortured him, we probably would have got information in between when he was caught and the three or four days before the friends of his or his accomplices blew up the airport and the subway. And it's, you know, it's an interesting dilemma because you start to go, you know, there could be some truth to that. Or maybe, you know, their barbarism is forcing us to become more barbaric. It's almost like you've got to fight fire with fire.

an expert in the whole arena of war, but we do have a gentleman who's served our country honorably. He's a veteran who did time in the Korean theater. He also participated in Vietnam. He ran a platoon, and I think he did, I think it was seven tours of duty in the jungles of Vietnam. So a very seasoned war veteran, commander, colonel, lieutenant, senior corporal, Tom Dowdy is on the phone with us to talk about, you know, the very touchy area of interrogation and how to prevent terrorism. Are you there, Inspector General, first lady Tom Dowdy. Uh, yes, I am, civilian.

How are you today? Uh, doing great, uh, uh, left, uh, lieutenant, uh, colonel. Um, thank you for joining us today. You are, uh, you are very welcome, civilian. Uh, you are very welcome. Uh, so I think you heard my intro there, uh, uh, commander, uh, Doughty. And, uh, any, any, uh, thoughts on, on what I was. saying? Well, uh, thank you for, uh, finally letting me speak, uh, civilian.

Well, it's, it's not, I had to intro the bit, sir. If you don't mind, I'd like you to stand down so I can talk. Um, okay, sir. Thank you, civilian now. I spend many, many months and years buried tits deep in the Vietnam jungle. Okay, so millions. And I witnessed firsthand. I witnessed my men getting tortured. I myself have been tortured. And I, in turn, have tortured those little Vietnamese monkeys. Sir, sir, if you could, I know you went through a traumatic experience of life and death, but if we could just leave kind of the racial comments, I know this is a passionate,

a thing for you? Are you telling me I can't call those little Vietnamese people monkeys? Sir, I'd rather not the war was a long time ago. Monkeys. And now I'm going to ask you to stand down, civilian. I will call a Vietnamese monkey, a monkey if I have to. And if I have to, I will peel a banana and eat it right on your show. just to spit in the face

for those little monkeys. Sir, if we could just kind of focus on what we were talking about, the torture, do you think that waterboarding is too excessive or not enough in the case of preventing or thwarting

modern day terrorism? I would go way beyond waterboarding. Waterboarding is for little pussy. Private school girls. All right. Waterboarding is if you're a boy, a little teenage boy, and somehow you ended up on the all-girls field hockey team wearing a little pussy dress. Sir, if you could just kind of leave the kids out of it.

Did you want an answer, or did you not, civilian? Yes, it seems like you stray off a lot. if you would put as much time as I had. Crawling through the rubber trees of Vietnam. Late at night, poisonous snakes crawling up your pant leg, slithering into your groin, coiling their sleek, wet bodies around your testicles, just wrapping them tighter, tighter.

Tighter, tighter. Their little tongue is flickering on the tip of my penis. They're poisonous sacks just ready to bite my big pink python. Sir, if you could just focus on the topic at hand, the waterboarding. I told you, civilian, waterboarding is too good for these animals. I would go way, way, way beyond waterboarding. I don't know if you've ever baked a lasagna. Most lasagnas are about four layers deep.

That's waterboarding. I would bake a lasagna 15 layers deep so that you could bury a Volkswagen beetle inside that son of a whore. That's how deep I'd bake my lasagna. And that's how deep, civilian. That's how deep I would torture these sun's the whores. Sir, I'm a little confused.

Are you suggesting that the comparison of the layers of a lasagna is... I can't believe I'm... The deeper the lasagna, the deeper the torture? B-I-I-I-N-Tor. Yes, sir, I'm just a little bit of your name, civilian. Hello? Yes, sir, I'm just a little confused. Lazzania, bingo, how exactly would your torture methods go beyond waterboarding?

And first of all, are they legal, and do they work, and are they in compliance with the Geneva Convention? What are your techniques to elicit information from terrorists to get data to prevent future attacks? One word, civilian. Are you ready? One word? Yes, I'm ready. I think you better sit down for this one, civilian. Sir, I am sitting down. I'm at my console. We're recording the show. Don't raise your voice to me, civilian, and I'll come over there with my Swiss Army boots and bury them so deep up your ass. You'll have to get your next colonoscopies for your nostrils.

Sir, if you could just tell us what your torture techniques is. One word, civilian. Tell a tubbies. I'm sorry, sir? Teller tubbies. What, what, did you say Telatubbies, uh, Colonel, Lieutenant Corporal, French, Corporal, Dowdy? You heard me, Finlayan. Maybe you want to take the rice cakes out of your ears. Uh, is that what you got? Your ears, your little Vietnamese monkey.

Sir, stop with the monkey stuff. What do you mean, Telatubbies? I'm going to play something for you right now, civilian. I want you to hear you. real good. I want you to understand that if you were being confined in an interrogation center of the United States Army, the United States Marine or the United States Air Force, if you were in an interrogation center, and I played the Telatubbies team. Are you talking about the kids' TV show, the Telatubbies? Correct.

That is a go, civilian. That is a go. Wait a minute. You're telling me... Would you just let me play the song? Go ahead, sir. I hope you have a strong Constitution soldier. Sir, what...

Okay. This is the beginning of the Telatubby song. Just listen to it to a million. Imagine yourself strapped to a chair in a boiler room, in the basement of the United States Air Force Base. Listen. Teletubbies come to the teletellies. One, two, two, two, two. Okay, sir, I think maybe.

I said listen to it civilian because I'm telling you right now, if you were to play this deep song over and over and over maybe 15, 20 times, you're going to crack the worst terrorist aside of my mother's. Last cheats. Time for teletubbies. Listen to this. Tinky-winky-winky-winky. Tinky-winky-winky. Tilly-winky. La.

La-la. La-la. La-la. La-la. Teletubbies. Say hello. Hello. How about say fuck you up, civilians.

Finky-Winky. Tiki. Tiki. La-la. Lala, you listen to that 15 times in a row And I will fuck you up Like Freddy Kruger's nightmare

Okay, sir, if you can just cut the song I think we get what you're saying It's It's Through the course of repetition And I got to agree it is it isn't It is a horrible song, and I can see how it could be annoying, but I don't know that it's worse than waterboarding, sir.

Oh, suddenly you didn't know a military expert on civilians. Well, maybe you need to hear it again. No, I'd rather not, sir. Sir, if you could just shut that off. No, telly-tobbies. Telly-tobbies. Say hello. Sir, I think we get the point.

How about I say that? Sir, I think we get the point. I'm not sure that that would really work in a practical world. I get it that maybe it's annoying, that it's, you know, it could get repetitive. It could probably get on your nerves, but... Sir, sir. Time for the telotubby. Tinky winky, winky, tinky, winky.

La la. La, la. Tel-tabby, civilian. That's right. Are you starting to feel it now? Civilian, are you starting to feel the burn? Are you starting to feel the little veins pulsing in your head? Are you starting to feel your ears ringing?

Are you starting to sense there's blood welling up behind your eyes? Are your palms getting sweaty, civilian is your asshole starting to itch? Because that's what happens when you hear the fucking tell the tubby's over and over and over. and I don't care if you're a brick fucking wall made out of lava. This fucking song will break you down like Dolly Parton's pits when she's laying in her grave. Sir, do you mind? I really think you're reaching for it here. And I don't think anybody really is going to be affected by the telotubbies.

It just doesn't make any sense. Sir! Can you not, can you, can you, sir, lieutenant colonel, corporal, can you not play this song again, please? Is your asshole starting to burn civilian? Is your skin starting to get fucking patchy? Are your kids starting to sizzle? fucking nose bleeding in civilian. Oh, yeah, I bet your scalp's getting itchy.

I'm not getting an itchy scalp, and my eyes aren't bleeding, and my, and my... Your asshole is starting to burn. My asshole is not starting to burn, and can you watch your language, please? Are you telling me that your scalp isn't tingling in the bottom of your feet feel like there's nails going through them? No, they're not, sir.

All right, then let's see. Keep going civilian. No, no, no, no, no! Time for the telotubbies. Time for the telotubbies. Time for the telotubbies. Time for the telotubbies. La La La.

Tel-tobbies. Tel-tobbies. Hello. Hello, you fucked. Give me all the information in your head. Or I'll play this fucking thing again I want to know civilians And I want you to tell me

What was the last time you masturbated? Are you... Excuse me, sir? You heard me. This song will get me any information I need to know I asked you when once was the last time He masturbated civilian. Sir, that is disgusting.

I think you ended up I think you're just living in a fantasy world. Oh, really? All right. Well, why don't you listen to this, your little jerk off, king? No, no, no, no, no, no.

Please stop it. No. Oh. Time to the tele-tobby, civilian. Tinky-winky. La-la. La-la. What was the last time you jerked off, civilian?

What was the last time you? Pull down your pants Hold it out All right All right It was two weeks ago All right Holy shit

Bingo B I and Dio Gotcha Good Lord And that's why I'm a U.S. Marine Black Op

Navy Seal A 43rd Platoon, Vietnam, and you are a civilian. Come on, that's, I don't know how you did that, Lieutenant, French Inspector, Colonel, Commander, First Staff Sergeant, Dowdy. That's why I do what I do. And you do what you do. We play it one more time. You know what, sir?

We really got to go. Thank you very much. This was a colonel. No, no, no, no, no. This was Colonel, Lieutenant. French Dowdy, Lieutenant, Major Sergeant. Tom Dowdy from the U.S. Marines.

Thank you for joining us. Goodbye. Roger. Hang up on him. Hang up on. Hang up on him. Hey little chirk off queer. Hang up

Roger hang up please Goodbye Hang up Hang up Roger Say hello Say goodbye Goodbye

God Hang up God Holy crap Hang up when I told you to, Roger. That was one of the most embarrassing phone calls I've ever been. Hang up on them. Hang it up.

Jeez. That's one of the most embarrassing. I can't go on. I'm just humiliated. I'm flustered, and that's it. That's it. We're ending the show right here. Freaking telitubbies as a torture technique.

And I hate to admit it, but it actually worked. God! All right, let's do some announcements. I can't take it anymore. I want to remind everyone, the comedy party is April 7, 8, and 9. This is a great stand-up comedy show with me, Polly Shore, Tom Green, and Bobby Lee from Mad TV. All four of us under one roof, touring the mid-world. West, April 7, 8, 9.

Three great, wonderful theaters. Incredible. We're going to be in Rialto Square Theater in Joliet, Illinois, April 7th. The Coronado Arts Center, Rockford, Illinois, April 8th. And the Five Flags Arena in Dubuque, Iowa, April 9th. So please, please, please get your tickets. If you can't make it and you have friends or family that live in those neighborhoods, Please let them know they do not want to miss the comedy party.

All four of us on stage at once, one night only in each city. Also, the following weekend, April 14th to 17th, I will be in Brea, California, at the improv. This is a beautiful comedy club just outside of Los Angeles, about half an hour, 35 minutes outside of L.A. April 14th through 17th, the Bray Improv. And then the end of April, the last weekend in April starting on the 28th. I will be in Edmonton at the West Edmonton Mall at the comic strip. Great club. It usually always sells out when I'm there, like every night from Thursday to Sunday.

So I'm not even joking when I say, get your tickets. And now, that thing just goes. People love it. It's great to be back in Canada and just ripping it up. Then as we go into May, it'll be May 13 and 14th in New York City at Gotham. Gotham Comedy Club, incredible club. Get your tickets all online at Harlandwilliams.com. Just go to my stand-up tour link and just click on the date and you'll be taken right to the ticket page

where you can buy your tickets and, you know, you won't be disappointed because it won't be sold out. Also, while you're at the site, you can leave me an email. There's a contact link there at harlomwilms.com if you want to write me anything or if you'd rather call and leave me a voice message,

323, 739, 43330. The phone rings about six times before my machine picks up. I'm trying to fix it, but uh don't be um don't be uh what the fuck is the word here don't be not perturbed don't be i can't think of the word damn it don't be i don't know just hang in there well well the phone rings it's probably about as long as it took me to to find that word It's just, it's one of those words.

It's on the tip of mine. You guys are all saying it to yourselves right now. This is the word. This is the word. But I can't come up with it. So leave me a message 323-739-43330. Well, you're in the website, harlomwilms.com. Check out all the stuff in the store.

We have great merchandise. We will send out to you. And then also, please get our app. Please download the app, the Harland Highway app, so you have the podcast on your phone at all times. And as I said earlier, if you're a premium member, you will get all the bonus material, including my other podcast, Let's Have a Fight. And the next fight with Adam Ray and Brad Williams coming up very soon. So you don't want to miss it. Future people, it should be on the show.

I'm talking to Bill Burr, who I'm going to have on Let's Have a Fight. and many other great comedians to come throughout the year. So it's really worth your while, $20 a year. And that's it, man. I hope you enjoyed the show. And we'll leave it right there. My mind's a little messed up from what Colonel Lieutenant Tom Dowdy did to me. I think his torture technique kind of short circuit of my brain a little.

I'm having trouble finding words. But you know what? We'll leave it there. And until next time, everybody, be safe and chicken. Chalman, baby. Time for teletubbies. Time for teletubbies. Time for teletubbies.

Time for teletubbing. Dinky winky. Pinky winky. Dipsy. Lily? La La La Poe Telly Tobies

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