The Harland Highway - 754 - DONALD TRUMP interview on the Parsley Papers. Crazy news!

Episode Date: March 31, 2016

Charles Parsley interviews DONALD TRUMP on the Parsley Papers. A crazzzzy news story. Having some alone time isn't easy. Easy there Weezy!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, hey, hey, what's up, my players? Player, please. Play a, player, please. Please say hello to your host, Harlan Williams, of the Harland Highway podcast. That's me right here. How are you? Welcome to the show, everybody. Great show today.

We're going to be talking about, have you ever just wanted to be alone for a few minutes in this crazy, busy world? and you can't find alone time. Happened to me the other day. I got to share it with you. It was comical how I couldn't get away and be by myself for a while. Also, oh my God, Charles Parsley is here with the Charles Parsley Papers.

The Parsley Papers, and he's interviewing Donald John Trump today. Should be a very intense and interesting and revealing interview. Trump being interviewed by Charles Parsley. Just incredible. I'm going to have a few of your phone calls on the show today. And also a crazy news story.

I love this story so much. A mother did something to her kid that I think all freaking kids deserve in life. Okay? Way to you hear this crazy news story. Where do you hear all of it? It's happening now on. The Harland Highway. What is this?

Some kind of a joke or something? Welcome to the Harland Highway. What you're talking about Williams? Son, you got a panty on your head. Shut up and sit down, you big ball fuck. Oh, God, what's happening here? What's happened? Hey, Harland, it's Shelby.

You just made a wrong turn. On to the Harland Highway. We choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other thing. Not because they are easy, but because they are hard. That is fantastic. That's wrong with everybody in this crazy place. The Harland Highway. What is it?

The opening. To what? To another dimension. This is Harland Williams. You're a bad man. You're a very bad man. That is fantastic. Hello?

Hello? Hey, Harland. It's Shelly. It's Shelly. Hello Hello Hey Harlan is Zach

Indianapolis I was just calling about the podcast you last released where you did improv stand-up Pure genius I loved every minute of it so I wish I could have been in the crowd

that night Anyways Keep that up Do more of that That is awesome Just wanted to say that to you anyways until next time chow me my man

oh thank you Zach I do appreciate that buddy yeah yeah I put out some live stand up for your precious ears to hear and I'm glad you liked it man I like I like

putting up a fresh new material and the improvised material for you guys to hear and you know I just released I just released a big chunk, almost a half-hour set of live stand-up with pretty much 90% of the set, me just working the crowd, not even getting into my material. And that was put up for our premium members.

So please jump on the premium membership for 20 bucks a year. And my God, you can hear a lot more of that crazy stand-up. But I do appreciate your feedback, buddy. And we'll just keep it coming, baby. Hello? Hello. Hey, Harland, it's Shelly. It's Shelley.

Hey, Holland, it's Shelly. It's Shelly. Shelly. Hey, Harland, it's Shelley. Hey, Holland, it's Shelly. Shelly. Okay, okay, I got it. Thank you.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. Whoa. Enough now. Enough now. Come on. Can't be wasting time, you know, dealing with that when we have a very important interview coming up. That's right. Charles Parsley is here and somehow he was able to snag Donald Trump for an interview and I'm sure it's going to be riveting. Charles always asked the most provocative questions. And let's get right to it. Here we go. Charles Parsley interviewing Donald Trump on the Parsley Papers. Hello, everybody. I'm Charles Parsley.

And welcome to the Parsley Papers, the exciting news chat show that dares to take on all comers. Politicians, sports figures, celebrities, and newsworthy people, alike. So sit back, get ready, to hear the questions that no one dares to ask on the Parsley Pazley Papers. Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the Pazley Papers. I'm here today with a very special guest, its presidential frontrunner for the Republican Party, Donald Jont. I'll be asking him many provocative questions today. We'll be getting in behind the curtain, if you will, and really digging deep into what makes this candidate tick.

That's all today on the Parsley papers. Hello, Mr. Donald John Trump. Let me start the questioning, sir, with how big are your... hands. What difference does it make? Well, according to you, sir, the size of your hands directly correlates to the size of your penis. How large is Donald John Trump's penis? I don't think it matters. It certainly matters to our listeners, Mr. Trump, and it matters to the American voters. Donald John Trump, how big is your penis, sir? Very, very big. How big? How big? How big? How big? How big? is very, very big. Let's say the size of...

China. I'm sorry, sir. How big? China. Did you just say the People's Republic of China? My goodness. And Mr. Trump, tell us about your relationship with Michael Jackson. Michael asked me if I'd get involved in it, and I'm the one that got it done and did a great job. You say involved, Mr. Trump. Involved with what exactly? I don't know. Well, let me ask you this, Mr. Trump. Have you ever seen Michael Jackson's penis and if so, sir, how big was it?

It's unbelievable. That's a mini version of China. I see, Mr. Trump. And although Michael Jackson is deceased, are you still friends with the pop superstar? Well, look, I don't want to knock anybody. Not asking you to knock anybody, sir. Just asking if you and Jacko are still friends, even though He's dead. We used to be friends. Good friends. And as good friends, even though he's dead,

would you ever consider doing a pornographic movie with the pop superstar Michael Jackson? I would love for Michael to do it. You know, we used to be friends. I guess we're not friends anymore. I don't think we are. But your penis is as big as China. And Michael Jackson's penis is the size of...

It's unbelievable. That's a mini version of China. But just for the record, you are a full-sized version of... China. Got it. Now, Mr. Trump, let's move on to your most fierce opponent on the Democratic side, front-runner Hillary Rodden Clinton. I don't even think about Hillary. Do you think the woman smells like goat vomit?

Well, probably. I mean, I don't like her. For someone who thinks the woman smells like goat vomit, sir, isn't it true that you you had an extramarital affair with Hillary Rodham Clinton, and if so, sir, how long was this affair? How long exactly did it last? For almost eight years. Incredible, and how was the extramarital affair with Hillary Rodham Clinton?

I thought it was terrific. It was clean, it was nice, and the bed was good. That's all I need. The bed was good, quote, unquote. So obviously it was a sexual affair, Mr. Trump. Did Hillary Rodham Clinton have a pet name for your penis, sir? China. She called your penis China?

China. And what did she call out when she was in the throes of orgasm? China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China, China. And how would you rate yourself as a lover, Mr. Donald John Trump? Amazing. And how do you think Hillary Rodham Clinton would rate you as a lover? Probably was, I might be the best thing that ever happened to her. I don't know.

So it is your belief that she was satisfied with your love-making skills? I don't want to even talk about it now. You know the nice part? She didn't ask. She called me up. She said, I love what you've done. Excellent, Mr. Trump. And in closing, sir, are you aware that Vladimir Putin, the president of Russia, said that your hair looks like candy floss? Why does he have to say that?

Cheap, dirty, greasy, oily, buttery, carnival-style candy floss. Why does he have to announce it? Well, I don't think we should get hung up on it, Mr. Trump. I think what's more important is why you're running for president of the United States. Are there any final comments you'd like to leave with our listeners on the Pazley papers? We have people that are incompetent running our country. We can't have it anymore. We're not going to have a country left.

We're going to do something great. We're going to make America great again. There you have it, ladies and gentlemen, from the lips of Donald John Trump presidential candidate in the 2016 presidential election. That's all we have time for today. I hope you enjoyed our intimate interview. Until next time, I'm Charles Parsley, and these are the Parsley Papers.

Hey, everybody. Who wants to have better sex? No? Yes, yes. The answer is yes. You always want to have better sex. That's what you want it to be better, not worse, trust me. And Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item plus free shipping.

And more than that, Adam and Eve wants to make your life easy. They offer discrete shipping as your privacy is a priority. Plus 100% free shipping on your entire order. Doesn't matter how much you spend or what you buy, all will be packaged and sent discreetly for free and fast. Don't wait. Better Sex is just a click away. That's 50% off, one item, and free shipping. Bring more pleasure and satisfaction into your bedroom. Just go to Adam and Eve.com and select any one item. It could be an adventurous new toy or anything you desire.

Just enter the offer code Harlan to check out. That's Harland, H-A-R-L-A-N-D at Adam and Eve.com. This is an exclusive offer specific to this podcast. So be sure to use this code Harland so you get your discount and a hundred percent free shipping code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. Hello? Hello? Hey Harland. This Brian. Thanks for your latest premium content, your stand-up show. I've listened to it multiple times. and first time I listened to it, I had a mouth open with a smile from all the stuff you were saying, you know, just grinning and smiling and, you know, it's just a, second time, third time, it's still just as funny. pure. It's very pure. And, you know, I can imagine the looks that you're giving when you are saying certain things or even when you're not saying something. I can imagine the look that you're giving the crowd. And, you know, it's funny to hear the crowd's reaction. It is really funny to hear the crowd's reaction. It is really funny to hear the way

the crowd is roaring with laughter over such total non sequiturs over just stuff that just makes absolutely no sense but the timing is just so good and it's so surprising I mean God it's amazing and you know there's no coping mechanism going on crowd laughing they don't know when to take you seriously and when not to you can't pull the rug out from under them so many times and then you know expect them to know that you're serious when you are there's no coping mechanism going on and anyway great stuff you know god forbid that you should have to clean the dog Oh, God. It's inspired leniency. Inspired. Great.

I mean, you're in rare form. No, I'm not rare for you. But I loved it. Anyway, thanks. Bye. Oh, thanks, man. Brian has been such a true and dedicated fan. I always thank you, Brian.

Brian, for your kind words. And Brian's also cool because sometimes he calls in and criticizes me. I get both ends of the spectrum from Brian, but I love it. That's what this forum's all about. You've got to take the good and the bad. But Brian's always left me some great phone messages. And that one really made me smile because I know that I can tell by the way you were laughing that you got some real good laughs out of the live stand-up performance I put on the premium content.

And boy, oh, boy, you know, I sort of almost feel bad putting stuff up on premium content because it really is premium material. It's, you know, it's no less than what I put up already, but I just feel bad that some of you aren't getting to hear it. Because, you know, obviously there's more people. on the podcast because it's free versus the premium content, which is $20 a year. So by golly, if you can afford 20 bucks in a year and you want those extra laughs, you want that extra material, you want to experience what Brian is experiencing,

by all means, please join up on our premium account. Like I said, 20 bucks a year, and you get so much. You get my other podcast called Let's Have a Fight, which is a whole other podcast I do separate from this one. And it can only be heard on my premium membership. I have verbal fights with great comedians, Adam Carolla, Greg Fitzsimmons, Tom Green, Orney Adams. I'm going to have Bill Burr coming up in the future, Dom Herrera, Al Magigal, all kinds of great comedians. are on this kind it's almost like a secret podcast you can only get it if you're a premium member for 20 lousy bucks a year so uh go to my website harlan williams.com and go to the uh the podcast

page and uh you can join so darn easily or if you want you can download the harland highway app to your phone just go to your app store and type in the harland highway podcast and you can join through your app on your phone i hope you do uh i love bringing you guys the extra content um and as you can probably guess all this stuff that i do takes a lot of time and energy i love to do it but the reason i'm charging the extra 20 bucks is just because it it helps feed all this stuff that i'm doing so i appreciate everyone who's joined anyone who's thinking of joining uh Thank you so much. And I'm so glad you're loving the premium content.

Brian, thank you again for your very, very kind words. And I'm just going to keep it coming, baby. But for now, I think we all deserve a crazy news story. The Harland Highway. Crazy news story. That's weird. That's strange stuff. Oh, boy.

Oh, boy. I think I'm going to like, I think I'm going to really like this crazy news story, man. Listen to this headline. I'm already loving it. Here it is. My mom billed me $1,000 for being a jerk. Are you loving it already in this world of brady entitled kids? Here we go.

Listen to this story. The ungrateful child is practically a universal theme of parenting. one that involves a lot of frustration and a fair amount of yelling. But if parents really want their kids to understand what it takes to support of family, maybe they should send them a bill. Yeah. Maybe they should send them kill bill. Remember that guy from the Tarantino movies?

Just scare the crap out of little bastards with a samurai sword. Well, anyways, this is what one mother did, and it seems to have worked out pretty well. Julie, a single mother of two in Toronto, how about that? The city where I grew up, apparently Julie drew up an invoice addressed to, get this, unappreciative son.

Oh, I love this. For $39,000, $254.17. Following an argument with her son, a 23-year-old named Kevin. It included a $1,000 charge for being an a-hole and not appreciative of your mother's support financially or otherwise. Oh, so she added on there was an a-hole fee. You know, when you get your phone bill, there's a service fee,

or you buy a ticket for a concert, and there's a venue fee. Well, I guess this mother charged an a-hole, fee for a little braddy Kevin. So I guess Kevin took a picture of the invoice and posted it to Reddit where it quickly attracted thousands of comments. Oh, I like this. I really like this. The mother says, I'm not sure if I'm proud of the fact that I build him for being an a-hole.

when I spoke to him a few days after the argument. And then Kevin, after hearing all this, he fessed up and said, well, I was being an a-hole. How about that? So Kevin has lived with Julie rent-free for a little more than a year. Well, he and his girlfriend, who also lives up at the house, saves up to buy a place of their own. The invoice spawned from an argument about Kevin helping his mom apply for a help

benefit for his 22-year-old brother who also lives at home. You apply for the benefit as a household, so Julie needed him to provide his social insurance number, like a social security number, to accompany over the phone, but Kevin didn't want to be part of it. Kevin says, I was refusing to cooperate, and my mom was just looking out for my brother, and I was being a little selfish. Frustrated that Kevin wouldn't contribute to something the family needed, Julie decided to show him exactly how much he benefited from living with her.

And here comes the invoice part. You've got to love this. Because, you know, think about it. Think of, you know, we were all kids once. You don't really know how much it cost year to year to raise a kid. You know, your parents are buying the food, and, you know, maybe they'll let you. you use their car and you're burning up some of their gas money, but you don't realize

now that you're adults, you realize how every little tiny thing costs money, every freaking thing gots money. So apparently this invoice did the trick. Kevin said he had no idea how much everyday bills cost.

His girlfriend pays 300 rent to live with the family and the two of them buy their own groceries, make car payments and have no auto insurance bills, but everything else. Kevin was surprised to see how it all added up. I want to move out soon, but realistically, it's going to be difficult, Kevin said. He's never lived on his own before, but it's been saving up.

She's not going to make me pay, but the invoice made me realize we're going to be set back a while. Well, how about that? You've got to give this mother kudos. She should win the Mother of the Year Award. So let me finish the story here. Julie never expected him to pay the nearly $40,000 she billed them. More than half of that was for five years of tuition payments, but the rest of the charges are from the 13 months he's lived with her.

I don't think the kids realize what bills are, Julie says. I just think he needs to appreciate the bills that I pay. Kevin said he does now. After reviewing the invoice, he went up to a little. his mom and told her it was very effective and he understood her perspective. Julie says I expected him to say something sarcastic. If anything, Kevin's response has been the opposite. How about that? The kid actually, you know, instead of the kid getting combative and argumentative, the invoice was like a bucket of cold water in the face. He's like, oh, wait a minute. My mom's like carrying a

big load here and I'm being a douche. So this whole, this whole thing worked, man. I'm loving this. I think this should be a new thing. Once a year, parents should give their kids' invoices just to remind them how tough life is. Because look, even kids understand money. I mean, you know, as a kid, I knew it took like three, four bucks to eat at McDonald's.

And I knew I had to get a paper route or I had to do something to get that four bucks. I had to take a crappy job at an ice cream stand or something. But kids aren't usually, they're not used to dealing in the world of tens of thousands of dollars. To them, that's a mindblower. So let's just finish this up here. Kevin said it's going to take a year or two to save up and move out.

Before this whole thing, he thought he had a shorter timeline ahead of them. It's just kind of a wake-up call for me to get with the program the whole life thing. Yeah, dull-o. Moving out of mom and dad's house doesn't just require cash to cover the living expense. It also may require a good credit score as apartment rentals have become more competitive with landlords pulling potential tenants. Credit reports, and you need a decent credit score to get a mortgage as well. so there you go man all all this stuff adds up and uh you know even now when i read this story i look back at what my folks did for me and i'm like man wait a minute there were five

kids in my family you know there were five kids now that being said our parents weren't very extravagant our parents did not spoil us or or lavish us with with money or gifts. They actually kind of did it the other way where they kind of, you know, they covered stuff. They covered our tuition. Well, not all of it, but some of it. They helped where they could, but they didn't go out of their way. We were by no means spoil kids. We had to kind of work for our own stuff. Even though my parents could have paid for stuff, they didn't. And I don't know if that's the right approach either, because sometimes I feel like they were cheap skates. and they didn't really, you know, they never kind of went the extra mile to take us out to dinner

or do extracurricular things with us. So that was a bit of a bummer. But they did provide the essentials, and man, that adds up. So kudos to my folks. Kuda to all folks, you know. Even bad parents end up paying for stuff, you know, even if you're an abusive parent or an alcoholic parent or you're a lousy parent, for the most part, you're still paying for stuff. But I definitely think this should be a new protocol for raising children, you know?

Once a kid hits about like 12 years old, every year, say, hey, hey, dork, this is what it cost to raise you this year. Here's what it costs to feed you. Because, you know, as you get older, you eat more, especially when you're going through puberty. and adolescence, you're like a food-sucking machine. And then as you start to pay more attention to fashion, especially for the girls, the girls want new clothes every two days and new shoes. And I mean, now you've got cell phones and bicycles and cars and this and that.

And oh, my God. So as each kid gets older, that bill goes up. And that's probably a great idea that kids have to love. look at that every year and eat a little humble pie and go, oh, God. I didn't know my mother spent $65,000 on me last year and my sister and my brother. So good for you, mother. Mum, as we say in Canada, M-U-M, a little bit of the British influence still lingering. And all you kids out there, man.

Get a grip. Get a grip. And don't be a dip. All right? Great, crazy news story. Ching! Hey, Harland. It's Shelly. It's Shelly.

It's Shelly. Whatever. Hey, I wanted to ask you guys, you ever have one of those days where you're, you know, you're just maybe deep in thought or you're just feeling like a little bit of a loner? You just want to kind of, you know, just be on your own, be with your own, your own self, like be with your own thoughts and stuff. And you're just in like a contemplative mood and you're just, you're not looking for any external stimuli. You kind of, you know, it's one of those things where you want to. want to just get a coffee and sit in a corner at Starbucks and just stare at the ceiling fan and for whatever reason your brain's just kind of on on you know introspective mode so this

happened to me the other day I'm I'm I'm going out for lunch and I'm over I'm over at this studio where I'm working on this new Disney cartoon that I'm doing that I've told you guys about. And I get a lunch break. And I wander out. I'm like, oh, man, I'm going to go get Thai food. There's a great little Thai place just down the road. You know, it's within walking distance of where I am. And so I walk over to the place and I'm just like, I'm just going to go in, sit in a dark corner and, you know, pull up USA Today on my phone and read the news stores having a nice leisurely quiet private lunch with myself i'm i'm taking myself on a on a lunch day really hi holland you want to go to lunch sure i'd love to okay it's me and you um so here

i am at this diner i walk into this to this tide joint and i'd been there before and uh good food, and as I'm walking up to the reception counter, I look to my right and I see one of the executives from my show sitting over where I thought I was going to sit, having lunch with someone, and I see them talking away and eating, and I kind of, I feel a bit guilty, but I kind of quickly looked away before they can make eye contact with me. so I'm up at the counter and I'm scanning the room and I'm thinking I got to look back and see you know what the table situation is

so that I'm not in her eye line so I look back and as I'm looking back like three tables over I see two other people from work sitting there having lunch with some people I'm like oh no oh my gosh so this this Thai place is like it's like a Thai food restaurant but there's also a sushi bar so I look over at the opposite end of the restaurant and there's a sushi bar you know a sushi bar

you sit at the sushi bar and you sit facing directly the sushi chefs so there's nobody in front of you you know all you're dealing with is the person beside you so I want to I said to the guy can I sit at the sushi bar. He's like, oh, of course you can. So I go over to the sushi bar and I sit right on the end. So I'm on the table at the very, I'm at the seat at the very end. So at the very most, I can get one person sitting beside me on my right, but on my left there's no more sushi bar and it flows into more tables. And one of the tables being right over in the corner to the left of me,

a table that originally I thought I would grab because, you know, it was kind of the most private table but it was a four-seater. I thought, well, I don't want to take the four-seater, so I'll sit at the sushi bar, no one will bother me. I sit down at the sushi bar. I order, and about two minutes later, this young woman sits down, maybe like 30 years old,

pleasant looking, nice, sits two seats over. So now me and her at the sushi bar were the only ones. And I'm sitting there reading my phone, and I'm not thinking anything of it. And all of a sudden, the waiter brings my appetizer. I got some shrimp tempura. Yum, one of my favorites. He plops it down. I say, thank you.

No sooner had he plopped it down. Then this lovely girl sitting two seats over turns to me and goes, Hi, you're Harland Williams, aren't you? And I went, uh, yeah. She goes, hi, I used to work with one of your agents at your voiceover agency, and now I work in the same building you do. We're on the same floor, but we're on opposite sides. My name's blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

And I went, oh, hi. So now I'm sitting there, and suddenly someone I've had a relationship with, a work relationship with is the next seat over. And I'm like, what are the odds of this? Well, there goes my privacy. And I don't have anything against this girl. I was just in one of these moods, right?

And so I kind of do the pleasantries. Like, oh, hey, how you doing? Blah, blah, blah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We chit chat for about two minutes. And then I kind of, you know, you put the cats like, oh, well, great to see. I guess I'll see around work.

And then instead of just going, you know, kind of to let me eat, she threw out another question. I'm like, okay, so now my food's sitting here. It's starting to get cold, and now I'm answering another question, and I'm like, I'm fine with it, but I'm just like, oh, this is kind of a change of plans. So we kind of shoot the breeze for another two minutes. And I'm actually enjoying the conversation with her. She's a nice girl.

And we have a bit of a history work-wise, so it was cool. But then I kind of found a way to word it with kind of that energy. It's like, okay, well, great talking to you, and I guess I'll see you around. Boom. You know, that's kind of like the tone. You put that tone in your voice. It's kind of like the cat. wrapper. It's kind of the subtext is, hey, it was great talking to you. I'm here by myself.

This is awkward. I'm going to look at my phone and read the paper and I'm going to eat my food. So that happens for about, you know, five minutes. And I'm sitting there and all of a sudden, remember the table I told you was to the left of me that was in the corner and I was going to take it because it was a four-seater? all of a sudden two guys pass me and you know you always kind of look up when someone walks past you I look up and it's an old buddy of mine who was a producer

on one of the movies I did I love this guy he's a great guy he's a guy you know I still talk to he's a guy we exchange Christmas cards every year he's just a wonderful guy we've had a lot of experiences together

and he sits down with a buddy of his. And so I'm thinking of myself, this is crazy. Like, it's so funny that I just wanted to be in this restaurant alone and randomly all around me. I'm literally flanked on all sides. To the right, to the left, behind me. I'm just waiting for the sushi chef in front of me to go,

Oh, hey, Harlan, how are you? Remember me? Yeah, we vacation. together in Taiwan yeah yeah let me tell you let me recap the whole vacation for you okay no you go ahead and eat i i will ask you questions once you put food in your mouth that way when you have to answer me your mouth is full of food and you don't even get to taste your food or experience your meal because you are so busy talking to me um so it was just it was just crazy it was one of those meals where I'm like, okay, so much for being by myself.

And then God bless this girl. Really nice girl. I really actually liked her. And believe it or not, I enjoyed talking to her. But it just worked out that, like, I think she felt awkward. And I don't know whether it was her or she felt compelled. Or maybe she just likes to talk. But about every five minutes, she would lean over and chime in with a new topic.

so what's it like working where you are how's your show going what's it every are you having fun and you know remember so and so at the old office where we and so here i am like half eating half talking half wondering when my buddy from the movie that i did the executive guy's gonna look over and see me and blah blah so so i was like i'll make the first move and i had the i had some uh broccoli tempura they for some reason with your shrimp tempura they put deep fried vegetables in there i'm not there to eat vegetables i want my shrimp man so so as a joke i put the the broccoli on a plate and asked the waiter i said would you give this to that man over there he's a friend of mine so the waiter took over and placed down the the deep fried broccoli in front of my

my buddy and my buddies the waiter's pointing to me and my buddy's the waiter's pointing to me and my buddy's looking around what the who the hell sent this so we get up and hug and my food sitting there getting cold and then I sit back down and this lovely girl's talking to me again and blah blah blah blah so I ended up not really finishing my whole meal there was there was so much going on around me there were so many people that invaded my private little lunch date with myself that I kind of I kind of left half my food on the plate and got the hell out of there. And it's nothing they did. It's, you know, I'm not knocking them.

It's just, it was just a weird circumstance. So I don't know if you've ever had anything like that happened, but I thought I'd share it with you. I thought it was kind of weird and amusing and silly and just another slice in the day of the life of Harland Williams. Right, Shelly? Hey, Harland. It's Shelly. It's Shelly.

It's Shelly. All right. Well, I'm surprised Shelly was in there, too. We'll leave it right there. Let's do a few announcements before we wrap the show up today. If you're looking for some stand-up comedy, by golly, I got the answer for you. The comedy party is kicking off, ladies and gentlemen. Yes, the comedy party, that's an amazing comedy show starring myself, Polly Shore, Tom Green, and Bobby Lee from Mad TV.

All four of us in one venue. This great comedy party gets going on April 7, 8, and 9. Okay? We're kind of doing a run through the Midwest, and if you are anywhere, in that area come to the comedy party. April 7th will be at the Rialto Square Theater in Joliet, Illinois. The next night, April 8th, we're at the Coronado Arts Center in Rockford, Illinois. And April 9th, we're at the Five Flags Arena in Dubuque, Iowa. That's Polly Shore, Tom Green, Harland Williams, and Bobby Lee. And it is called the Comedy Party. And

It's all four of us coming out one after the other in these beautiful venues, these beautiful theaters, and it's a show you don't want to miss. If you can't be there and you have friends that live in the neighborhood, please come on out and see us. If you live in Chicago, drive out and see us, it's going to be a blast. Tickets at Harlandwilliams.com. Just get in there and go on my stand-up tour link, and you'll get directed. rate to the tickets, and we hope you can make it out. These venues are filling up fast, so please come and join the comedy party. The following week, April 14th to 17th, yours truly will be at the Improv in Brea, California.

That's just outside of Los Angeles. That's April 14th to 17th, the Improv. It's going to be a great, great time. And then at the end of April, the last weekend in April, Starting April 28th, yours truly will be up in Canada at the West Edmonton Mall at the comic strip. Now, this is one that I usually sell out every darn night from Thursday right through to Sunday. So get your butt in there, get your tickets, harlandwilliams.com, get your tickets in advance. And then as we go into May, I will be in New York on Friday and Saturday, the 13th and 14th,

May at Gotham, the Gotham City Comedy Club, and that is going to be a great time. So that's the latest on my stand-up stuff. Get your tickets at Harlan Williams.com. While you're there, check out our store. We've got all kinds of merchandise in there for you. Great gifts. We'll send it out to you. Also, don't forget to join the Harland Highway app.

Just go to your app store. Type in the Harland Highway podcast. And if you want more and more bonus material, including my second podcast called the Let's Have a Fight podcast where celebrities and comedians duke it out verbally, join our premium membership $20 a year. That's it. 20 bucks a year. And you get my other extra podcast. You get live stand-up recordings, all kinds of bonus stuff that nobody else gets. So please join up.

And to those of you that have joined up, thank you, thank you, thank you. All the proceeds go to help keep all this stuff humming. And that's it. If you want to write to me, you can write to me at harlandwiliams.com. There is a contact link there to email me. Or if you'd rather leave me a phone message, I'm at 323-739-4330. That's 3-2-3-3-3.

739, 43.30. Leave me any type of phone message you want. I love hearing from you guys. So there you go. That's today's show. I hope you had a great, great time. And until next time, everybody, chicken. Chalman. Shelly? Hey, Harland. It's Shelly. It's Shelley. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.