The Harland Highway - 774 - RABBI PAPPENHEIM invites Harland to lunch. Secrets of opening titles.

Episode Date: June 13, 2016

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Do do, do, do, ba-da-ba. Start the podcast off with some action music and get you guys all excited. Ba-da-da-da. No. Okay, I wasn't buying it either. Hey, everybody. How are you? Harlan Williams here.

And this is the Harlan Highway podcast. I'm Harlan Williams, a delicate little flower that I am. We're going to have some fun today. we have an interesting segment. Some of you have been calling in over the years and asking me a question, leaving me a voicemail about something. And I decided today I'd finally take it on

and answer it and give you guys some insight into an ongoing question. So I hope you enjoy that. And then later in the show, oh my god this is uh this is kind of weird we got an unexpected phone call from a really wonderful gentleman rabbi papenheim uh he's a jewish rabbi and uh we've become friends over the years and uh it started off really sweet and then it kind of took a weird turn and the rabbi got a little confused and agitated with me but i don't know was i wrong was i right i don't know

But I'll let you be the judge. Get your ears on players. This is the Harland Highway. Where are I? What is this? Some kind of a joke or something? Welcome to the Harland Highway. What you're talking about Williams?

Son, you got a panty on your head. Shut up and sit down, you big ball fuck. Oh, God, what's happening here? What's happened? Hey, Harland, it's Shelby. You just made a wrong turn. On to the Harland Highway. We choose to go to the moon and disdicate and do the other thing.

Not because they are easy, but because they are hard. That is fantastic. What's wrong with everybody in this crazy place? The Harland Highway. What is it? The opening. To what? To another dimension.

This is Harland Williams. You're a bad man. You're a very bad man. That is fantastic. Hello? Hello? Hey, Holland. I was just wondering where all the sound bites in your theme song come from.

I've been listening for a while, and I'm enjoying the show. Chicken Chowman, baby. Hello. Harlan, great show, man. I'm always entertained by you. I appreciate the time you put into it, too. I know it's got to take quite a bit of times piecing all those clips together and coming up with those bits. Anyway, I had an idea that mash-up of clips that.

you do as an intro every week. I think it'd be cool for you to go through piece by piece and tell us where they came from. I know some of them are from Twilight Zone episodes, and I heard Jimmy Pardo in there. Some of them I don't know where they came from. I think it'd be interesting to know what it is. If you care to do that, I think it'd be cool. Chicken, Jalmy, baby. Well, thank you for the calls, gentlemen. I appreciate it. You know, I've had people over the years asked me the same question many times what you know what's with the clips the little intro you do um and uh just so you know i do i do uh cut that whole intro thing together myself it's it's quite a piece of work on its own um and uh i try to refresh it at least once or twice a year

i try to i try to put together a new intro and um and uh you know it takes a lot of work to piece that all together and it's a lot of fun i like doing it it is time consuming as you mentioned uh one of the collars there one of the pavement poundies you know i need the pavement poundies um what the hell was that i just went into baby voice one of the pavement pound you idiot um but i do try to refresh it i like i like refreshing it but it's weird because once i do one i kind of enjoy it and i like hearing it and then I don't want to do a new one but then I'm like no you know what I got to keep it fresh I got to update it I think I'm actually due for a new one pretty soon so it's interesting

you guys brought it up and and by the way thank you for your compliments about the show yep you're right I do put a lot of work into it it does take a lot of time but it's a labor of love yes I just love doing it and I love you know I've said it before if If I know that someone out there is sitting at work or driving in their car or shopping with their earbuds and something I do puts a smile on their face or makes them crack up laughing or even inspires them or gives them an idea or whatever it does, that's why it's done. That's what makes it all worth it.

So as far as the clips, yes, I get a lot of them from my favorite TV shows or just weird sound bites that I've heard in my head over the course of my life or maybe a movie line, maybe a line from a commercial. It might even be in the current episode here, title sequence. I have a line from one of you guys, the pavement pounders. You know what? You said, why don't we go through it? So, you know what, that's what I'll do.

I'll go through it and we'll dissect it. And you guys can kind of get my train of thought and the history on the Harlan Highway. titles. Here, let me pull them up. Where am I? What is this? Some kind of a joke or something? So I love that line. That had to be my opening line. Now that's a line from the old black and white Twilight Zone show from the 60s. One of my favorite shows, just because it's so smart, it's so clever, it's so eerie, it's so, it's got such a good social commentary. It's got such a commentary about the human existence, the writer, creator of the show, Rod Serling, was in my mind

just a brilliant, brilliant man with tons of insight and so much depth into the human experience and the human psyche. If you ever want a really great viewing experience, I recommend you do a Twilight Zone Marathon and watch these old shows. I think they, did about five seasons worth, and they really are brilliant. I mean, most of the shows were morality plays. They were thinly disguised and sometimes not so thinly disguised statements on the world around us, on the way we treat each other, racism, sexism, the way we abuse each other, war, lying, hating, cheating, and not in a depressing way. but in a very clever way.

And so I just adore that show. And it was written so well and it was acted so well. I mean, if you watch the Twilight Zone, the old Twilight Zone, you will see not only great actors that were at the beginning of their career, like Robert Duval, Duval, Dennis Hopper, Charles Bronson, William Shatner, Robert Redford. I mean, the list goes on. There's just all kinds of incredible actors that got the, you know,

Jack Palance, I mean, just Elizabeth Montgomery, people that were great, that, you know, did some great acting Mickey Rooney. People you wouldn't expect showed up in episodes of the Twilight Zone and just did an amazing job. and it was kind of like a window into the future of their acting ability. Some huge stars did the Twilight Zone. And the writing and the dialogue was done so well that, you know, that's just full of classic lines.

And by the way, you know, if you do watch all the Twilight Zone episodes, you will probably see the foundation of a lot of modern-day movies. science fiction movies, horror movies, even some dramas. I mean, the Twilight Zone was so ahead of the curve that many of the stories they explored, if you held them up to modern day movies, you know, you'd see that these movies might have drawn their influence from the Twilight Zone episodes.

You know, it came from a time when TV was really good and intelligent and thought-provoking and stimulating, and stimulating. And I really urge you guys if you have the time in your lives to watch the black and white Twilight Zone episodes, amazing stuff. So that first line came from the Twilight Zone.

I thought, perfect way to start the show. Where am I? Which is the question, you know, makes sense. Where am I? And then, you know, my show's so ridiculous. The guy says, what is this? Some kind of a joke of something?

And so I just thought, Boom, that's my opening line. Let's go on to the next line. What you're talking about Williams? Son, you got a panty on your head. Shut up and sit down, you big ball fuck. Oh, God, what's happening here? What's happening?

So I grew up in the 70s, and, you know, one of the shows that was always on TV when I was a kid, was, you know, different strokes with that little kid, Willis and the other kid. and one of the kids, his famous line was, What's you talking about, Willis? And I just thought, you know, it just made me laugh, so I put it in. And the son, you've got a panty on your head. That comes from one of my favorite comedy movies

by the Coen brothers called Raising Arizona. And that's a hilarious scene where Nicholas Cage is trying to steal a car. he he just robbed a convenience store for a box of diapers because he stole a baby and he had a women's panty hose over his face and in an attempt to get away from the law he jumped in an old farmer's pickup truck and farmer looked at him and said son you got a panty on your head and that line just always cracked me up and then and then the following line um sit down and shut up you big bald fuck i just that line just destroys me that came from the movie snatch what a great

movie uh but what's his name uh something rich guy richie uh directed out of british directory a great movie with uh with brad pit and a cat and a great cast uh you know if you haven't seen snatch i recommend you watch it i mean just just for the editing alone the way it was cut and the way the story is told. And Dennis Farina plays this gangster from Los Angeles who flies to London, and he's looking for a giant diamond. And he walks into a jeweler's office, and the jeweler gets up to talk, and Farina just shuts him down before he can even finish his first sentence.

He says, sit down and shut up, you big bald fuck. And it's this big bald guy, and he sits down. It just sounds so funny. It's just so raw and, you know, edgy that it cracks me up. So I love that. And then after that, we go right into what's happening here? What's happening? Another great pull from one of the Twilight Zone episodes.

And it just felt like the right thing to put in after that little blast of what you talking about. You got a panty on your head. Sit down and shut up, you big bald fuck. And someone just going, what? What's happening here? Okay, so I hope this is helping, guys. I'll keep going and we'll get through to the end. Hey, Harland, it's Shelley.

Oh, yes, Shelly. Shelly, Shelly, Shelly. Shelly is one of our great pavement pounder fans, listeners, loyal followers. She leaves voice messages. She writes in sometimes. And Shelly just has such a sweet, wonderful, nice, friendly voice. and she makes me chuckle and

I just like the way her voice sounds I like the name Shelly Shelly, you don't hear Shelly a lot She just puts a smile on my face So I just, you know, I stuck it in I thought, you know, it's totally appropriate To have one of the pavement pounders One of the actual people who listen to the show

And the titles, why wouldn't you? So that's how old Shelley got in there, all right? Let's keep going. We choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other thing. Not because they are easy, but because they are hard. That is fantastic. What's wrong with everybody in this crazy place? Oh, I just loved JFK.

You know, I don't know if he was the best president or the worst president, but what I've always said about presidents, presidents should have a sense of charisma. Presidents should have a sense of class. They should have an aura of something special about them, you know? And I think JFK embodied all of that. And he felt like a real true American. He felt like a guy that believed in the country, believed in the people, wanted the people to do well.

And unlike most of the shitty politicians we have now, JFK was one of those guys that, you know, would give speeches and they would resonate with people. they would stick with people, and a lot of the times the things he said came to pass. You know, he's one of these rare politicians where when he made a speech like this one where he's talking about, we'll go to the moon, not because it's easy, but because it's hard and we'll do these other things. Well, that's exactly what happened. We did go to the moon, and it was incredibly ridiculously impossible, but he and the government and the American people overcame the difficulty and got to the moon. Hey, everybody, who wants to have better sex?

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Adam and Eve.com. This is an exclusive offer specific to this podcast. So be sure to use this code Harland so you get your discount and 100% free shipping code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. And, you know, we just had great soundbites. Like, ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country. and, you know, speeches he made about the Bay of Pigs, and he just felt like a politician that you could believe in. And he looked, he looked the party. To me, he seemed like a great statesman and a great representation

and a great representative of our country. And, you know, I'm not saying everything he did was good or bad. I don't know, and I don't know if you folks like them or hate him, but, you know, he just had a shine and a finish and a polish that I think felt good, especially at the time he existed, you know, was the Industrial Revolution and the, you know, America was on the upswing, and it was a growing economy and military might and people were having families and soldiers were starting families and communities were being built and you know he just he just felt like a good president to me whereas today i just i feel like there's people that try to imitate his charisma and and what he had but don't deliver the way he did and uh just a magnetic uh powerful speaker in my opinion. So I wanted to throw him in. I've always loved that soundbite because, you know, he's talking about going to the moon, getting to the moon, and then he throws in, and these other

things. We choose to go to the moon and these other things. And it's like, you know, as if the moon isn't enough, you know, and he throws in these other things. And that just, you know, that just resonates with hope and promise and future. And, you know, that's the trick to being a politician. I've always said, you know, if you're a magnetic speaker and you can inspire the people that look up to you and elect you, you know, that's half the job of a politician to me is to be inspiring and be commanding and be a leader and make people want to believe in you and then not only make them want to believe, but then deliver for the people. Show them that your words aren't empty. Show them that, you know, I said I'm going to get us to the moon. I got us to the damn moon.

That's big. What do politicians get us these days? It's all a bunch of soundbites and lies just to kind of dangle a carrot in front of us and lead us along the empty road of promises. And now I'm spinning off into politics, which I'm not going to do. Let's move on to the, Next line. What followed the JFK line here? Well, of course, I followed it up with Shelly saying that is fantastic because, you know, Shelly's so happy and nice and JFK was promising all these things and I thought,

well, Shelly would probably think this is fantastic and she does. And then of course, you know, because I'm a bit of a troublemaker and I like to keep people guessing after this big buildup of you know, we're going to do all these great things and go to the moon, and it's so fantastic, of course, I have to counter-program or balance that with a loud offensive burp. You know, just for comedy effect and just so, you know, the scale doesn't tip, you know, in one direction too much. And then to answer the call of the burp and that confusion I just set up,

I put in a guy yelling, what's wrong with it? everybody in this crazy place and just the energy and the the bewilderment in his voice just cracked me up and he just sounded he was so passionate about like his whole world was unfolding and what everything's going crazy and i think you're starting to see as i talk about this i pick my little clips very carefully i just don't randomly grab clips i there's a method to my madness and i i kind of it's kind of like an orchestrated piece. I try to make my title sequences have a flow and a dance, and each little clip has some kind of meaning.

So it's interesting you guys asked me about this because there's actually a lot to it. You know, you hear it every time you listen to the podcast and go, oh, there's that nutty little intro. But I think some of you were wiser and realized, I bet Harlan's up to something here. So let's keep going. on. This is a little fun.

What is it? The opening? To what? To another dimension. This is Harland Williams. You're a bad man. You're a very bad man. That is fantastic. So that part is, you know, the whole entering another dimension. What is it? It's a portal. You know, and more Twilight Zone clips, by the way.

Because like I said, just such great dialogue in that old show. You know, I kind of feel like when I do my podcast, I am intentionally, you know, I don't do the same podcast a lot of guys do or girls, and I'm not knocking anybody's podcast, but, you know, a lot of them are interview shows and a lot of them are, you know, asking questions about people's careers and la-di-da, and it's fun, it's entertaining, it's good, but to me, it's, it's a bit repetitive. of. And I just, you know, I feel like I have a forum here to kind of play with people's minds and and introduce new thoughts and concepts and, you know, take people in a direction. Maybe they weren't thinking of going. So I kind of felt like that portal to another dimension was very fitting for what I do. I'm not saying that I take you to another dimension, but I do try to bend your minds a little bit to open them up to

you know different kind of nutty avenues and you know tributaries and basically going down this crazy highway that we're on and then of course I kind of counterbalance myself once again because I never

like to take myself too seriously I get this guy going this kid going you're a bad man you're a very bad man and uh you know that's just so i never you know think i'm doing anything too good i gotta keep myself under the gun actually i really just liked that clip that there was a great twilight zone episode it was very creepy if you get a chance i'm telling you watch it but it's about this

little town and and uh somehow someone gave birth to a little boy who's who's got these psychic powers and he kind of controls the whole town, all the adults. And they all walk around town on eggshells. And if this little boy thinks you don't like him or you don't do what the little boy wants, he stares at you and send you out into the corn. Now, what happens out there? I don't know, but no one ever comes back.

And they just disappear. If he stares at you too hard, you just, boop, you're gone. And if the little boy says, I want you to dance for me, The little boy says walk around like a chicken. The little boy says, sing for me and you don't do it. He stares at you and says, you're a bad man. You're a very bad.

And he sends you out into the corn never to be seen again. It's so creepy and weird. And that's the beauty of the twilight zone. So I had to use that. And then, of course, I had to close it out with something positive because I'm a positive guy. Shelly. Shelly came back. That is fantastic, because we love Shelly.

So there you go, guys. That's the process behind my title sequences. And if you go back and listen to old episodes, you can go through and listen to other title sequences I did. And it's all the same. There's a few in there that were cut together by my producer, Roger, before I kind of got into doing it and taking control and doing my own.

But Roger did some great ones on his own. They were fun and silly. But a lot of the other ones you'll hear in there and kind of have the same thought process behind them. So there you go. My God, look, almost a whole show dedicated to this. But I'm not going to end the show here. No, we'll go a little longer today

because I did not expect this answer to be so long. I hope you guys found it interesting. You know, I do try to answer your questions, and I like your phone calls. I like where your heads are at, and so this is one we can put to bed for a while, and if you don't like it, I will send you out into the corn.

Because you're bad pavement pounders. You are very bad pavement pounders. Beem-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me. Just kidding. I would never send you into the corn, okay? because I know half of you are naked and you'd probably land in a really bad, never mind.

All right, let's move on. Hey, Harlan. Yeah, it's me, Roger. Oh, hang on a sec. Yeah, hey, Roger, what's going on, man? You've got a phone call on line 8. Oh, okay. Well, I wasn't expecting anyone.

Put them through. Who do we got? Hello? Hello, Holland. Hello? Hello, Holland. It's Rabbi Pappenheim calling. Oh, hello, hello, Rabbi Pappenheim.

Wow, what's going on? Well, I just thought maybe I should give you a little goal, you know, the name of brotherly love and friendship. Oh, well, isn't that nice? Yeah, right out of the blue, I guess we haven't talked in a little while. Well, you know, last time we had a little talk there, you know, things. How do you want to say he got maybe on the wrong foot a little bit, but now time passes and how you want to say it heals?

It does what, Rabbi? It heals. It heals? That, well, okay, it sounds like maybe somebody's, you know, making fun of the way I'm speaking. No, I just, sorry, Rabbi, I didn't, I think you said heels. That's sure that I should. Well, it's great to hear from you, Rabbi. I do appreciate it.

It's interesting. I'm in the middle of my podcast. Is it all right if, you know, you're on the air here? Of course, Holland. I mean, you know, I don't keep any secret. You know, I'm like some people do. Well, good, good. Great to have you here.

I'm glad you're calling and celebrating summer, I guess. Of course, and what I wanted to do, Holland, is, you know, I haven't seen you in a long time and maybe invite you over to for some lunch, over at the mall, at the food court. Oh, at the food court, Rabbi? Of course, I'm getting over there today over to Vetchel's, I'm sorry? I said I'm going to Vettles Pretzels for lunch.

Vetzels? Pretzels. Pretzels, pretzels, Arlen. Oh, Wetzels Pretzels. Yes, and I would be most honored if you would, how you want to say, join me for a pretzel over at the, how you say, Vetchels, uh, pretzels. Uh...

Well, you're... You know, I'm not a big pretzel fan. I find them kind of dry. I don't know if, to me, that doesn't really sound like a lunch. Is there anywhere else we could go? Well, you know, I mean, I did invite you all, and it's not like, you know, you called me and invited me out for lunch at the food court at the mall. I clearly reached out and made the effort to invite you.

I understand, and I appreciate that, but I just, I'm not really on the old pretzel train, rabbi. I'm pardon me? I said I'm not a big fan of the pretzels. I've just, I've never been on the pretzel train. Well, you're interesting. You mentioned that type of a vehicle. Excuse me?

Well, you know, you mentioned the train. Yeah, the pretzel train. Really, it's an interesting choice of it. How do you mean, Rabbi? Well, you know, you could have shed the pretzel truck, the pretzel minivan, the, the pretzel the tractor, the pretzel airplane, you know. Oh, that doesn't make sense. Well, it makes sense is you said the pretzel plane, you know. Well, yeah, that's a common expression.

train. Well, you know, I'm shud here, and I go, you know, I throw things around in my head. I go, somebody else had a fancy for trains. What was that, rabbi? Somebody else had a liking for trains. What do you mean someone else had a liking for trains? Well, you know, somebody in world.

Or two, you know, used to put people in trains against their bill. Wait a minute. Who? Well, if you found me to Sheehan Island and Adolf Hitler, I think, the trains. Wait a minute, Rabbi. Well, I'm just sharing it. You know, Adolf Hitler, he put all kinds of people stuffed in the trains, and, you know, I ask you to go to Vectils, pretzels.

and suddenly you bring up a Hitler's death train? Wait, wait, wait, rabbi, whoa, whoa, whoa. I did not bring up Hitler's death train, sir. I said I don't want to get on the pretzel train. Well, you know, a train here, a chucho, a chacha, a chug-a-chug-chut-chut-you, and all of a sudden you're screaming in a death car at the back of Hitler's caboosh. nobody's screaming in a death what was that

well i don't know if you read your history books or not but uh hitler he packed hundreds of thousands if not millions of uh innocent jewish men of women and children into the the trains and he the trains rolled into the death camps in the nazi germany i'm well aware of that sir that was horrific and and horrible. And here I am, you know, 60 years beyond those horrible events,

and I reach out to you, I say, how would you like to go to the food cart and get eventual splachels? And all of a sudden you're making snappy remarks about stuffing me in a train to go to the Auschwitz. Whoa! Rabbi! That's very... No, no, no, no, sir, please. I think you misinterpreted...

When I say pretzel, train, I mean, I'm just not up for eating pretzels. They're salty. They're dry, and I don't think there's much nutritional value. Well, you know, there wasn't much nutritional value, Ireland. Well, I'll tell you there, that at the... Concentration camps, there was no nutritional value. I mean, why do you bring that up? Sir, rabbi, let's back off this whole thing where you're going.

Well, you know, the people were emaciated, people are dying, and you're making jokes about the Vetzel's pretzels that I invite you to the... Rabbi, please. I ask you for a simple Vetzel's pretzels, and suddenly, I'm reliving the Holocaust here. No, Rabbi, I'm not letting you do this. I don't know. I understand the sensitivity we all do.

And, you know, I hate to point the finger at you, Rabbi, but it seems every time we talk, you kind of take everyday comments and words and phrases and kind of spin them around to suit this narrative about, about World War II and Adolf Hitler, and I'm a little uncomfortable with it. Well, I'll tell you about what's uncomfortable, Ireland. Have you ever been in a train car pressed together with, you know, 3,000 human beings?

They're so pressed together. You can't even shit down. You can't even turn around. You can't even bring your arm up to scratch your face, do you know? Sir, Rabbi! Enough. All right, I'll meet you for a pretzel. at the food court for lunch.

I just don't, I want to end this dialogue. Well, you know, Holland, I've been insulted, and, you know, I don't even think I want to, you know, you know what, go fuck your shelf, is what I'm saying, on behalf of all my people, and you can go take a Vetzel's pretzel and shove it up your ass, and I hope it looks like fallopian tubes

when they take the X-ray. Go fuck your shelf. What the hell was that all about? Roger? Oh, my God. Are you kidding me? Wow. You know, Roger, I think we better screen the rabbi because he,

I understand, you know, how sensitive what he's talking about is, but at the same time, he just, he misconstrued, misconstrued simple comments and takes offense to them and thinks that people are making references to the World War or somehow

I don't know it's just a mess you know our apologies to anyone that might have taken you know the pretzel train the wrong way and none of it was intended and for people that are sensitive to the word train

we apologize but holy smokes folks uh roger i think in the future maybe we we keep our conversations with the good rabbi just a little shorter and uh you know at the first whiff of any type of misunderstanding we we kind of you might have to break in and end the call just so it doesn't escalate and uh we're certainly sensitive to uh to that that topic and and uh we hope that you know anyone listening saw that maybe the reverend god the rabbi god bless him maybe uh took things the wrong way or out of context or something so but we do love having the rabbi on and uh hopefully we'll have them back uh someday let things just calm down a little bit um

boy you really i've never heard him swear at me before you gave me the f bomb there at the end I'm just going to, you know, I think we'll end the show here. I'm going to go down to the cafeteria and cool off. Have a nice ice cold Coke or something. Let's see if we have any announcements. Let's see. Looks like I don't have that many comedy gigs coming up until the fall. I usually try to take the summers off and have a little fun because that's what summer's all about, man.

So all I can tell you is please join our premium membership for $20 a year. People are loving all the stand-up comedy that I'm putting up there, special interviews, special segments, special features, my other podcast called Let's Have a Fight. We'll be putting up some new episodes of that very soon. All kinds of cool stuff. For $20 a year, you can join. You get all those special features, plus almost 800 of our archived episodes. And it's a sweet, sweet deal. I'll tell you that much, boys and girls.

Also, check out harlolowwiliams.com where you can write to me if you have anything to say. Or if you want to call me and leave a voicemail, 323739, 43330, 323739, 43330 is the number and I always like hearing from you guys leave a message the phone of the answering machine takes like six rings to pick up I'm trying to fix that it's ridiculous um but that's it for today um check out our store at harlwilliams.com for fun t-shirts DVDs artwork CDs all that great stuff man and that's it for now and uh hope you had fun here today and until next time everybody. Chicken. Show me. Baby? Go fuck your shelf.