The Harland Highway - 777 - A CHARLES MANSON birthday. Also, a call from a Meat-a-tarian.

Episode Date: June 23, 2016

Harland attends a very CHARLES MANSON birthday party. Also, a call from a Meat-a-tarian. Calls from Pavement Pounders. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.co...m/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hello, darling. I must tell you right out of the gate that I love you. I absolutely love you. I do love you. Thank you for being here. Welcome to the Harland Highway podcast. My name is Harlem Williams, and I'm the guy that loves you. Welcome to the show. What a show we have today. What a nutty show. We have a gentleman calling in who has a strange diet. He's the opposite of a vegetarian. He calls himself a meat. All he eats is meat, an all-meat diet. So we'll be talking to him, very interesting. And then if it couldn't get any stranger, wait until I tell you about the twisted bizarre birthday party I went to. It involves a unbelievable mass murderer and one of America's most beloved cultural icons. It's just, it's like a, a collision of the weird at this birthday party. And let me just say one word, Charles Manson. Well, that's two.
Starting point is 00:01:10 But if you squish it together and say it really fast, Charles Manson, it's one. So you got to hear about this birthday party I was at, unbelievable, strange, weird stuff. And then we're going to be taking some of the pavement pounder phone calls. You guys leave me messages. I'm going to play your messages all right here on the Harland. Highway Where are I? What is this?
Starting point is 00:01:31 Some kind of a joke or something? Welcome to the Harland Highway. What you're talking about Williams? Son, you got a panty on your head. Shut up and sit down, you big ball fuck. Oh God, what's happening here? What's happening? Hey, Harland, it's Shelby.
Starting point is 00:01:46 You just made a wrong turn. On to the Harland Highway. We choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other thing. Not because they are easy, but because they are hard. That is fantastic. That's wrong with everybody in this crazy place. The Harland Highway. What is it?
Starting point is 00:02:05 Opening. To what? To another dimension. This is Harland Williams. You're a bad man. You're a very bad man. That is fantastic. Harts a Skilda.
Starting point is 00:02:21 Hale's a Skilter. You know that song? Helter, Skelter, you know it, do you know it? I think we all know it. I'll turn it down a bit, Raj. I got the weirdest story. Even I kind of don't believe it. But this is a odd story that involves Helter Skelter.
Starting point is 00:02:50 It's, we all know Helter Skelter is synonymous. with the Charles Manson murders. So here's where I come into the fray. I get invited to a birthday party recently. And it's someone we all know. It's a gentleman we all know. He's been in all of our living rooms. He was the host of America's funniest videos when it first came out.
Starting point is 00:03:20 He was one of the stars of the show Full House. You know, I mean, Mr. Bob Sagitt. Bob Sagitt, who's a buddy of mine, who I've known for many years, has his birthday party. So it's one of these things where it's somewhere in the hills of Beverly Hills. And I went over there with my buddy Tom Green, MTV's Tom Green. We drive over in my car. And when we get to the address, there's a driveway. uh there's a roadway a driveway that goes up into the hills and there's a valet there they've set up a valet
Starting point is 00:04:03 and so we uh transfer you know we give them my car and we jump in a van they shuttle us up to this mansion up in the in the hills of beverly hills and we get in there and we're like whoa look at this place it's up on a hill with a incredible view of the city and it's at the end of a It's the last house at the end of the cul-de-sac, and it's huge, and we walk in, and it's massive. It's all these rooms and hallways, and out in the yard, there's a great big pool, and we're standing in this great big living room, and they're serving drinks. And, of course, somebody chimes in and says, how do you like the house? And I'm like, oh, it's amazing. And they go, yeah, pretty cool, considering this is where the Charles Manson murders happen.
Starting point is 00:04:54 And I was like, what? And they go, yeah, this is the property. They tore the house down, but this is the property where Sharon Tate and friends were stabbed adept. We're killed. In this very piece of land you're standing on is where all those horrific murders happened. And I'm like, but I'm at a Bob Sagat birthday party. How could I be? They said, well, this is where it happened.
Starting point is 00:05:27 And so the guy that was hosting the party for Bob, I guess had bought the Sharon Tate murder house, the Roman Polansky murder house. Roman Polansky was married to Sharon Tate, who, by the way, was eight months pregnant when she was repeatedly stabbed and murdered in cold blood, and they wrote the word pig on her front door in her blood.
Starting point is 00:05:51 And I believe somewhere in the... the house they wrote the words helter-skelter and blood which is uh where the association comes from or maybe it was uh there was another murder that the mansons did but one of the two murders they wrote helter-skelter in human blood and so now i'm standing in this living room you know having drinks schmoozing with people other comedians i'm goofing around with with bob sagot I'm goofing around with John Stamos, the other star of Full House. Comedian Bill Burr is there, Jimmy Kimmel, I'm joking around with Jimmy Kimmel, Norman Lear, the guy who created All in the Family and Maud and all those,
Starting point is 00:06:40 the pioneer of the modern sitcom, Jeffrey Ross, Mark Merron. We're all standing around, giggling and laughing, and, and, and, In the back of my head, I keep visualizing this horrific crime. I'm like, this is so weird. I'm here celebrating Bob Sagin's birthday with all these funny, hilarious people on the very same spot that like five or six people were shot and stabbed the death. And my mind's jumping back and forth. It's like I'm watching a tennis game.
Starting point is 00:07:18 I'm going from laughing to feeling this weird energy. to visualizing to oh my god so to give you a little bit of a backstory on the on the murders that happened in this house i dug up a little clip and listen to it and while you're listening to this clip picture me standing in the very same spot with music playing and birthday cupcakes and beers in our hand and laughing and giggling and you'll see why i was so kind of tormented and it out and nothing seemed to make sense and it was creepy and crazy so i'm going to play you this clip and keep in mind that charles manson wasn't even physically present when these murders took place but he sent his followers he sent like these three or four girls and a couple of guys
Starting point is 00:08:13 and he instructed them to go up and commit these crimes and and wipe out these people as some kind of the statement and these young drug-induced, you know, almost teenagers were kind of in the Charles Manson trance. And that's why they called it the Charlie Manson cult because this guy was very charismatic and seemed to have a spell over these young pliable minds. And so these people all went up and you're going to hear the voice of one of the girls that was there and participated in the murders. And she's going to talk about, you know, how she did it and where she did it. And I was there.
Starting point is 00:09:04 I was there where all this went down. Oh, God, have a listen. On the night of August 9, 1969, at a house on Seattle Drive in Los Angeles, the actress Sharon Tate, wife of movie director Roman Paul, and eight months pregnant, was at home with her friend, the hairstylist Jay Sebring, coffee heiress Abigail Folger, and Roman's friend, Boitek Vrakowski. A young man named Stephen Parent was also on the site visiting the home's caretaker. That night's murders began with some preparations at Spawn Ranch. I was with the children in a trailer. I was with someone else
Starting point is 00:09:47 and we were in a trailer, and Charlie came and woke me up, and he said, get up. I want you to go somewhere. He said, get in the car. And I was in the car with Tex and Linda Kasabian and Susan Atkins. And he said, do everything the text says. And we were off. Tex Watson went onto the property first. When he came upon Stephen Parent in his car,
Starting point is 00:10:17 he shot him four times we heard gunshots he came back and told us to come with him and we followed trying to get into the house he eventually i think he like went through a window or something we turned to a front door and allowed the rest of us to enter there was a man that he was dealing with and i think that was um j super i believe uh he had him on the floor something that he was going to like tie him up And he asked Susan to check the back rooms. And what began to happen is a scuffle started taking place between Tex and the man and Jay Sebring. And he shot him.
Starting point is 00:11:07 And everyone else at that point obviously was getting really frightened and scared. And what eventually took place is that there was an attempt to tie tie everyone up and when there was an attempt to tie everyone up eventually Abigail Folger started to get herself undone and she took off I ran after her with an upraised knife and we went out through a back door out onto the lawn and I started stabbing her I I ran her down and I began to I remember her saying, I'm already dead. It was Tex Watson who delivered most of the fatal blows at the house that night.
Starting point is 00:12:00 We, we just, we were so locked and like, it's just like, okay, okay, this must be this, and we just become more in, and more like a robot, like somehow this must bring it. The scene left behind was grotesque. There was blood everywhere. A rope tied twice around Sharon Tate's neck was looped over a beam and tied around Jay Sebring's neck. Abigail Folger and Vojtek Freikowski lay on the front lawn. Stephen Parent lay dead in his car. And on the front door in Sharon Tate's blood was the word pig.
Starting point is 00:12:38 Besides being shot and bludgeoned, the victims had been stabbed a total of 102 times. When I got back to the ranch, and I got out of the car, Charlie came up and asked everybody how it went. But that was the first time I looked at him, and I said, Charlie, they were so young. Oh, my God. I mean, can you believe how graphic and grisly and horrible this is? And cut to me. Okay, here's me. funny guy, Harland Williams, what is it, 30, 40, 50 years later. I don't know how long it's
Starting point is 00:13:21 been. It's been decades. And I'm outstanding on the lawn where that woman was stabbed to death. I'm standing on the lawn where that man was stabbed to death. And I was in the driveway where the guy was shot in the head. And I was, even though the living room's been rebuilt and the house was rebuilt, I was in the geographical space. standing on the same sacred ground where Sharon Tate, God bless her, God rest her soul, had a double rope wrapped around her neck with an eight-month-old baby inside her and was stabbed dozens of times. And oh, her name was written on the door. They wrote pig on the door in her blood and I'm having, oh, it was weird. It was weird. It was weird. And I was weird.
Starting point is 00:14:15 And I don't know if everyone else was affected as I was. Because, you know, I guess I was so kind of in shock and in a weird, demented way, enamored by it because it's such a, you know, let's face it, the Manson murders are like, are like cultural, cultural roadside attractions. I mean, most of us have grown up hearing about them and knowing about them. and Charles Manson is this, this, this evil, dark, cult-like figure who's still alive. I think he's in San Quentin Prison up in Northern California near San Francisco. And, you know, it's almost like, you know, when you go to visit a, you know, Grace Land or a Celebrity's House or the stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame or the footprints at the man's, it's like, it's this, this iconic.
Starting point is 00:15:14 cultural, maybe even pop cultural stuff that you hear about, and then suddenly you're standing in it where it happened. And so, you know, everyone knew that walked into the party. I was like, so I guess you've heard about this place. And they're like, no. And I was like, well, this is where the Charles Manson murders happen. Like, you know, suddenly I turned into like the macabre, you know, celebrity tour guide of the homes of the murdered. You know, I was everything short of handing out a pamphlet and asking for $25.
Starting point is 00:15:51 But I was, you know, I couldn't get it out of my head. And it seemed to me like everyone else just kind of glazed it over. Like, okay, yeah, okay, got it. Oh, it happened here. Okay. Where's the cupcakes? When are we blowing out the candles? And it was a beautiful house. I mean, they rebuilt the house.
Starting point is 00:16:09 It's stunning. It's beautiful. The swimming pool has like nine hot tubs in it. and a swim-up bar. The guy who hosted the party, obviously very wealthy. He was the guy that created full house. And so he had a lot of full-house money. And on this day, he had a full house full of comics and celebrities and writers and producers.
Starting point is 00:16:32 And a who's-who of Holly Weird. But at one time, there was a full house of blood and corpses, too. Oh, oh, oh. And I dare, I almost dare not. make light of it because it's so horrific. And so you can imagine the kind of weird energy between being with my goofy friends and someone that we all know is like Bob Sagitt, who's like a household name, who himself is ingrained in culture, pop culture, almost probably just as much as Charles Manson is
Starting point is 00:17:09 on a different level. He's someone, everyone knows his name, everyone, That's had them in their living room on their TV. What day do I always vacuum the stairs? Every day. That's right, and it was a trick question. I just, you know, I got to say for the record, they did not play this song at the party, but in a macabre twist and I didn't verify this
Starting point is 00:17:46 but I heard through the grapevine that the name of the dog that resided at the house his name was Charlie from what I hear I did not ask the owner if that was a fact and I don't know if that was kind of a tie-in to the house or if it was kind of a dark joke or just that there was a random name
Starting point is 00:18:07 but I heard that the beautiful golden retriever's name was Charlie So I don't know. Put yourself in my shoes. There you are, eating shrimp cocktail, chatting up with Jimmy Kimmel, and, you know, Bob Sagitt and all these funny comedians, Mark Marin, Bill Burr, Tom Green, Jeffrey Ross, just a fun group of people, Seth Green, just all kinds of people and, you know, funny people. and you're trying to have a laugh and a giggle and in the back of my head, I'm just like, oh. And I know I'm droning on about it, but I was torn. I was really torn.
Starting point is 00:18:52 And I never thought I'd be in that house. So there you go. That's my very, very weird and strange helter-skelter birthday party. Happy birthday Bob Saggett. And I guess in the same breath, rest in peace. Sharon Tate.
Starting point is 00:19:10 and all those who were murdered. You see what I mean? This is just awkward. Raj, take me to a commercial while I get my thoughts together. Oh, my God. Let's face it, there are good kinds of yeast and bad kinds of yeast. But bad yeast goes scat with yeast stat. Burns an itch or a thing of the past.
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Starting point is 00:20:39 One item and free shipping. Bring more pleasure and satisfaction into your bedroom. Just go to Adam and Eve.com and select any one item. It could be an adventurous new toy or anything you desire. Just enter the offer code Harlan to check out. That's Harland, H-A-R-L-A-N-D at Adam and Eve.com. This is an exclusive offer specific to this podcast. So be sure to use this code Harland so you get your discount
Starting point is 00:21:09 and 100% free shipping. Code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. Stop. Do you know how fast you were going? I'm going to have to write you a ticket to my new movie, The Naked Gun. Liam Neeson.
Starting point is 00:21:25 Buy your tickets now. I get a free Tilly Dog. Chili Dog, not included. The Naked Gun. Tickets on sale now. August 1st. Hello. Hey, Harland.
Starting point is 00:21:34 Shelly. I have a solution for you. you re what to send men in terms of a flower arrangement, a bonsai. So I have utilized it in the past, and it worked well. So instead of a bouquet of flowers, you can send them a bonsai. Anyway, that's my advice. Talk to you soon. Bye.
Starting point is 00:22:02 Hello. Yo, Harlan. Joe, Pal, Stevie. This Blake Whitlock, man, from the E-A-R-E-R-E-E-R-E-E-E-M. response. He's stupid. It's stupid funny. But he's stupid. I love it. Yeah, I can't fucking even listen to shit when I'm out in Rocky in public because I'm laughing like an idiot. And people are looking at me. They say, get, you know, they grab their children. They say, get away from that man. All right, Han. Keep it up. Love it. Oh, Stevie, Stevie. See, you're doing it right. You're
Starting point is 00:22:38 doing the podcast right. You know, there's a right way to get in a car and drive it. There's a right way to put on a seatbelt. There's a right way to use a knife and fork. And there's a right way to use this podcast. And that's to laugh. And to hear that you were walking down the street laughing your head off at the segment I did about the gorilla being shot by Blake Flintlock at EAR emergency animal response and he shot the gorilla and he shot many other animals while kind of reenacting presidential assassinations. It makes me happy to know that you were you were laughing your head off and scaring people around you because you were laughing so hard. That's that's the function of this podcast. It makes me so happy to hear that I make you laugh and I hope
Starting point is 00:23:33 make all of you laugh that's my main mission here part of my main mission is to just have you guys giggling does anything feel better than a giggle and a laugh and a out loud chuckle
Starting point is 00:23:49 or you're just walking down the street I think not so Stevie thank you for your call Shelley thank you for your call the fornicator guy thank you for your call hey Harlan he fornicator All of you love to hear from you.
Starting point is 00:24:05 And yes, guilty is charged. I have fornicated. Haven't we all? If you want to call me and leave a wonderful message, whether it be about bonsai trees or fornication or just to comment on a bit that made you laugh or think or cry, 323-9-433. 3-3-3-739-43-30.
Starting point is 00:24:31 the message machine rings about five or six times don't give up, hang in there and it will pick up and you can leave your message. A song, a story, a comment, a fornication accusation, whatever.
Starting point is 00:24:46 You fornicator. It all works for me. So I love hearing from you guys and maybe your comment or insult or compliment, whatever you have to say, your song, your voice impression. It's your moment to shine.
Starting point is 00:25:01 and I might put it on the show. And speaking of having guests on the show, we have someone now. I don't know how well you people guard your nutrition, how much you take care of your health. But we have a gentleman coming up. Is he on the line, Raj? Okay, cool.
Starting point is 00:25:23 We've all heard of vegetarians, people who eat an exclusively vegetable diet, and they tout that it's the only way to go. It's the healthiest way to go. Well, we have the counter argument to that. We have a gentleman on the line who claims he's a meatitarian, the opposite of a vegetarian. He's a meatitarian.
Starting point is 00:25:46 And we're going to have a discussion with him because he feels that eating just a meat diet is the way to go. It's healthier. It'll give you a longer life. It's better for your system, better for your health. he's ready to go? Okay, cool. Let's patch him through. And we're going to talk to Tim Tenders, I guess. Is it Tenders? T-N-D-E-R-S? Okay, Roger's telling me, Tim Tenders. He's a meatitarian. Patch him in, Roger. Hello, Mr. Tenders. Hello, Arland. How are you?
Starting point is 00:26:24 Doing great, sir. Thank you for participating today. on the Harland Highway podcast. A pleasure is all mine, sir. All mine, I've got to tell you. I've listened to this show a couple of times. Not a lot, mind you. I'm a busy man, but the few times I have tuned in, unbelievable.
Starting point is 00:26:45 I mean, just unbelievable. I really enjoy very informative and listen to CNN, MSNBC, and the Harlan Highway podcast. Oh, okay. Thank you for that, Tim. Absolutely, you bet. Ted Boygood, buddy.
Starting point is 00:27:05 So tell us about your diet that you've come up with. Apparently, Roger mentioned to me that you wrote a book. I sure did. It's called God Made Me Out of Meat, so I'm going to eat meat. And it's about being a meatitarian. Now, this is a new phrase that I created myself. I eat exclusively an all meat-based diet I'm not a turtle
Starting point is 00:27:32 I'm not a Galapagos tortoise I'm not a I'm not a gazelle grazing out in the plains of Africa I'm a meat eater man I mean we've got canine teeth in our mouth you know those ones in between your incisors and the fangs the one look like vampire teeth look like dog teeth
Starting point is 00:27:48 they're called canine teeth uh yeah yeah we all have canine teeth Exactabundo, Ireland, and that's because we're meat eaters. We use those to clamp down on a piece of meat. I'll put a pork chop in my teeth and just... I'll actually shake it around. You ever see a dog grab a squirrel and shake it around?
Starting point is 00:28:07 This is what I do at a restaurant. I enjoy my meat experience so much. I'll grab a pork chop or a porterhouse steak or, you know, a lamb shank or whatever. Any cut of meat, I just don't cut off a little piece. I'll put that whole thing in my mouth and shake it around. Ah, shake that thing around. I get the juices flying. I get the meat sizzling.
Starting point is 00:28:29 It's just unbelievable. I love my meat. Wow, you are very enthusiastic about your meat, sir. And why is this? Well, you know, you walk around and you see these vegetarians and they're pale. They look amaciated. To be honest, they look like they're crawling with AIDS. Oh, wait a second now, sir.
Starting point is 00:28:51 Well, I'm just calling it what it is, Arland. I mean, these people look like they'd be hard-pressed to pick up a twig. They're, you know, their veins are popping through their skin. I mean, they make albinos look black. Sir, I don't know if that's the proper language for this. Well, I mean, holy shit. These vegetarians, I mean, it looks like a ghost did a fart, and they're floating down the street like ghost farts.
Starting point is 00:29:16 I mean, these fuckers are so pale you can hang them out over the ocean during a heaven. be fog and use them as lighthouses for fuck sake sir if you could to tone down the language a little bit there wow well i'm just dressing a point and you know they get in your face i mean they're always having their rallies and their protest they're getting on tv and trying to tell us meat eaters how we should eat how we got to live what we should put in our bodies well you know what go suck a ghost fart sir please uh you know i i sense the the passion in your voice here tim ten but, you know, let's just dial it back, but everyone has the right to eat what they want. Well, I guess you got me there, but, you know, for me, me.
Starting point is 00:30:01 Well, tell us about your diet. What does your daily intake look like? Well, I wake up in the morning. I fry up a half a pound of bacon, all right, and most people have a coffee in the morning. What I do is I get my bacon, I fry it, I take it out of the fry pan, and I pour the hot bacon green. into my coffee mug. Why do you do that, sir?
Starting point is 00:30:25 Well, that's my morning hot drink right there. Most people have a tea or a hot coffee, me. I'm going to guzzle down that bacon grease. That's the best part of the baking that grease. Wait a minute. You drink the raw bacon grease? Well, it came from the meat. It doesn't matter how it gets in me,
Starting point is 00:30:42 whether I drink it or chew it. It's meat, meat, meat. Oh, so you drink. You drink. Isn't that scorn? gold, your, your throat? Not when you've drank it as much as I have. I'll tell you what, my, my, my throat is so resistant to, to heat and pain.
Starting point is 00:31:01 I could swallow a sword that's just been pulled out of Delta Burke's asshole. Sir, if you could, wow, just dial it back a little. Well, you ask me questions, and I answer them. Okay, so for breakfast, you have half a pound of bacon, and you drink bacon grease. what does lunch look like? Well, do you like ham? I do like ham, yes.
Starting point is 00:31:26 Well, I eat a whole ham for lunch, right down to the bone. I even get down on all fours sometimes, and I'll throw it in the yard and roll it around on the grass and pretend I'm a wolf. Sir, what are you saying? Well, you know, meat brings out the primal instincts of people. That's the other thing. You know, if you want to get in touch with your manlyhood,
Starting point is 00:31:47 you grab onto a ham you throw you kick it around the yard even let it get a little dirty get some gravel and some dirt on it maybe some grass and some leaves they just get down on all four and you know kick it and roll it and chase it down like you're a wolf
Starting point is 00:32:03 hunting a fucking baby deer and then just eat its ass off are you telling me you roll a ham in your yard and stock it like a like a like a predator you bit your boo
Starting point is 00:32:17 blubbery ass cheeks i do williams i love it i love it i'll eat that whole ham out in the garden if the neighbors look over the fence i'll fucking bark at him uh okay sir what about dinner well dinner's a whole now dinner you got to romanticize the meat a little okay what i do is i like to put some nice soft music on okay i uh you know i like some candles and uh most people like to start their evening meal with a nice, you know, tall glass, red or white wine. And what I do is I get a nice simmering just to the point of boiling some gravy. And I put some gravy in a wine glass. Wait, wait a minute.
Starting point is 00:33:01 Yeah, you heard me some beef gravy, nice and brown and chunky, maybe even some mushroom chunks in there. And I put it in a wine glass, and I swirl it around, and I put it in my mouth, and I swish it, I spit it back out, and I smell the effervescence, I take in the aroma and all the flavor, just the way a wine taste or a wine, a wine connoisseur does it. I do it with gravy. Oh, my God, you swish it around in your mouth and then spit it back in the wine glass and then re-drink it? Well, that's what they do with wine, don't they? See, here's what I'm talking about, Mr. Williams.
Starting point is 00:33:36 You've got all these different sections of people. You got your vegetarian, you're vegan, you got your wine connoisseur. and why is it? Nobody questions their dietary choices. Nobody questions the way they intake their food or their beverages. But the minute I say I drink a nice sizzling cup of bacon grease or a swirl a fine vintage glass of gravy around in my mouth and spit it back out and then re-drink it, suddenly I'm some kind of animal.
Starting point is 00:34:04 I'm some kind of cannibal, some kind of meat-eating freak. Well, everyone can go suck the farts out of a ghost asshole. Sir, enough with the fart thing with the ghost. And another thing, I'd like to pick up one of those vegetarians and swing them around and see if they whistle because they're so light. All right, sir. I got to ask, and I think everyone's wondering, is this healthy? Is this healthy?
Starting point is 00:34:30 Well, why don't you do me a favor, Mr. Will you want to talk about healthy? Let's do this. Why don't? Hang on, hang on one second. Hang on. Hello? Tim? Mr. Tenders, are you there, sir?
Starting point is 00:34:50 Roger, where did he go? Hello? Hello? Sir, where were you? Oh, nothing I did. Just a little thing. I passed out. Sorry, I hit the floor there for a minute.
Starting point is 00:35:06 I had a little seizure. I've been having trouble breathing lately, and I got an irregular. regular heartbeat, that type of bullshit. Let me clear some of the mucus out of my... There we go. Are you okay, sir? Yeah, I'm fine. What the hell are you applying? No, it sounded like you... did you hit your head on the floor?
Starting point is 00:35:28 Not at all. I do it two, three, four times a day. You know, doctor says my heart isn't running quite as fast as it used to be, but I'll tell you what, you ask me about how healthy it is to have a meat diet. Why don't you try this? Why don't you do me a favor, Mr. Williams, and put the phone up to your chest and let us hear your heartbeat. You know, we'll compare heartbeats, and we'll see who's got the better heartbeat.
Starting point is 00:35:54 Okay. I'm assuming you have a regular diet. You mix up your veggies and your meats and your vegetables and your fruits. Yeah, I have a pretty balanced diet. All right, let's hear the heartbeat of someone with a balanced diet. Go ahead, put the phone up to your chest, Mr. Williams. all right uh here i go uh let's see here we put it let's see how let's see how this sounds um sound does it sound all right sounds pretty normal to me sounds healthy i i think i'm not a doctor
Starting point is 00:36:29 but it it sounds pretty good yeah well it sounded like it was running a little hot to me uh now why don't we do this why don't i put my phone to my chest and you can hear the heartbeat of a meditarian. Now, oh, hang on. Ah, oh. Sir, are you okay? Oh.
Starting point is 00:36:53 Ah. Tim? Roger, what's going to? Oh, God, I'm okay. I just fell down again. My heart's, well, I'll tell you what, let's not talk about it. Let me put the phone up to my heart. Sir, did you just fall down again?
Starting point is 00:37:08 Just a little seizure, my heart. My legs were twitching them. I couldn't get hold of my arms weren't functioning for a second, but I'm back. Okay. What are you going to do? I'm going to put my phone to my chest so you can hear the heartbeat of a meditarian, all right? Yes, sir. Let's hear it.
Starting point is 00:37:28 Hang on, I got some more mucas. There we go. Clear that out. Sir, if you could just carry on. All right, I'm putting my phone to my chest. Listen to this heartbeat of mine. Um, sir? Tim, Tim Tenders?
Starting point is 00:37:49 Are you there, sir? That that heartbeat sounds a little weak. Hang on, I'm just gonna lay down for a minute. Hang on a sec. What do you mean? He's laying down? Hello? Mr. Tenders? What hell is he? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:10 All right, I'm back. Every now and then, I just gotta, you know, power down a little. Give the ticker a little to help. So your heart did not sound healthy. Well, look at you. Judge Dredd? What are you, the judge, the jury and the executioner all of a sudden? Son of a bitch, huh?
Starting point is 00:38:29 Here we go again. This is what... Oh, hang on. Oh! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
Starting point is 00:38:39 Oh, my God, sir? What that? Tim? Roger, what? Tim Tenders? What? Okay, Roger. What just had?
Starting point is 00:39:03 Why is his phone silent? I don't even hear him breathing anymore. Mr. Tenders, if you can hear me, can you please? Oh, my God. Roger? Oh, my. All right, we're going to, let's end the show. We're going to end the show right here, folks.
Starting point is 00:39:23 Hope you had a great time today. Oh, boy. Let's do a few announcements and get out of here. Roger, what the fuck, man? Jesus. Did that guy just die on us or what? All right. Anyways, hey, thanks for being here today, everybody.
Starting point is 00:39:41 Hope you had a good time. Tell your friends to get on the Harlan Highway as soon as possible so they can be hearing this important stuff. If you want to write to me, Harlan Williams.com, you can write me an email. I might read it on the show. If you want to leave me a phone message, 323739-4330, that's 3-2-3-739-4330. and leave me a voicemail, and I might put that on the show, too. Also, while you're at harlomwilliams.com, please, please, please check out our web store.
Starting point is 00:40:20 Lots of great merchandise. Look around the site, all kinds of cool stuff. And by all means, become a premium member. Yes, premium members, $20 a year, and you get all kinds of extra free, fun. Well, it's not free if you're paying $20, but it's a lot of great extra. that you will not hear on the Harland Highway podcast. It's bonus stuff that I do just for premium members. It's me doing my live stand-up comedy.
Starting point is 00:40:48 I have another podcast called Let's Have a Fight. You get the whole backlog of the Harlan Highway, almost 800 episodes. I mean, it goes on and on $20 a year. Are you kidding me? So please join up. You can do that at Harlowyms.com, or you can get the free app in the app store on your phone.
Starting point is 00:41:11 That's right. Just go into your app store and type in the Harlan Highway. You get the app absolutely free. You get the 50 latest episodes of the Harlan Highway for free. And then if you decide to become a premium member, just go on there and it'll show you how to join $20. And you're in the club, man. Also, while you're at Harlowyms.com,
Starting point is 00:41:34 check out my stand-up comedy tours. schedule. All my new dates have been posted right up to the end of the year in December. So check it out and see if I'm coming to your city or town. And, you know, I'm in Cleveland, Ohio, San Diego, San Jose, Oxnard, Pittsburgh, Denver, Utah. I mean, man, I am motoring all around. So I hope we see you out at one of the clubs And the near future So that's all we have time for today
Starting point is 00:42:12 I'm going to go get a great big fat Cheeseburger And we'll catch you next time And until then Chicken Chalmayne Baby Hey Harlan
Starting point is 00:42:27 You fornicator Thank you. Thank you.

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