The Harland Highway - 797 - Col TOM DOWDY mad about woman President. BBQ Eddy,

Episode Date: September 1, 2016

Lieutenant Tom Dowdy is upset that we may have a female President. BBQ Eddy still looking for a BBQ, Favorite Podcast episodes. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, pavement pounders. This is Harlem Williams, singing his way into the intro. Not sure why, but I am. Welcome to the Harlan Highway podcast. My name is Harlan Williams, and I will be your host. Thank you for being here. Great show today. We're going to be taking some of your phone calls.

listeners are going to be sharing some of their favorite episodes with us. We're going to talk about that. Also, oh my God, corporal French lieutenant sergeant Colonel Tom Dowdy from the U.S. military is going to be calling in. Apparently, he is not happy that we might possibly have a woman as our commander-in-chief. If Hillary Clinton wins the presidency, a woman-compancy. a woman commander in chief he's going to let us hear about that also barbecue Eddie is back

this might be the last podcast before summer kind of runs out and word has it he's been calling around trying to find a barbecue before it starts to get cold here in the U.S. of A and also

I'm going to talk about I'm going out the end of summer with a Man, I'm doing something really cool. I'll tell you about it later in the show. But let's get it going. This is the Harland Highway. What am I? What is this?

Some kind of a joke or something? Welcome to the Harland Highway. What you're talking about Williams? Son, you got a panty on your head. Shut up and sit down, you big ball fuck. Oh, God, what's happening here? What's happened? Hey, Harland, it's Shelby.

You just made a wrong turn. On to the Harland Highway. We choose to go to the moon. in this decade and do the other thing not because they are easy but because they are hard that is fantastic that's wrong with everybody in this

crazy place the harland highway what is it opening to what? To another dimension this is Harland Williams you're a bad man you're a very bad man that is fantastic this is Eddie

he wants to party but they just hang up Hello How's the call man Uh-huh Uh, it's Eddie calling Who? Uh, Eddie

Yeah Calling about the Uh, see if you wanted to barbecue today Or Go on the barbecue? I got some catfish fillets and some baby back ribs and stuff we could slap them around and crack some Heinikins and stuff or hello what the hell

that was Eddie he wants to party but they just hang up you got him on the line Roger okay so okay well this is important. I think we need to hear, you know, both sides of this argument. Yeah, I mean, it's dividing people. It's making people angry. It's making people passionate. And sorry, we're talking about the upcoming election. We have Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton running for president. And I guess we have Colonel, is it Colonel Lieutenant, First Officer, uh, sergeant, uh, staff sergeant, uh, uh, lieutenant Colonel Doughty, Tom Doughty.

Yeah, he wants to weigh in on, uh, apparently Colonel Lieutenant, French Lieutenant Tom Doughty, uh, a gentleman who, uh, has been in, uh, the American military, uh, most of his career has dedicated his life, put his life on the line. Uh, he's, uh, seen several tours of duty, been in the, uh, Theater of War, more than most. And he calls the show from time to time to weigh in on, you know, government activity and, you know, military activity and political activity. So let's put him through and hear what he has to say about Hillary Clinton running for president. Apparently, he's not happy. Colonel Doughty, sir, are you there? Tom Doughty, French officer, lieutenant, captain, first admiral, Tom Doughty.

Go ahead, civilian. Sir, are you there, sir? I am here present and accounted for you are a go. Sir, sir, thank you for being on the show. We're looking forward to discussing the... the election with you today? That is affirmative civilian. I am open and clear to begin said discussion.

We are a go. I repeat, civilian. We are a go. Yes, sir. We're a go. Now, you're having issues with Hillary Clinton being potentially the commander and chief of the most powerful military might in the entire world. Did you care to expand on why that seemed problematic for you?

Uh, one word civilian. Woman. Excuse me, sir? You heard me, civilian. Woman. Are you fucking shitting me? A full-grown woman in charge of the United States of America's nuclear arsenal. We might as all fucking.

and put a grenade in our mouths, pull the pen, and say sweet, fucking goodbye. Sir, if you could just not get into that salty language, I know in the military, you're used to, you know, a little of being rough around the edges, but pull that pin and say sweet, fucking salty, salty, shit-stained goodbye. Sir, please. What is it about having a woman as the commander-in-chief that's any different than having a man as the commander-in-chief? Are you kidding me? Have you ever lived with a woman? Have you ever left the toilet seat up and seen what that leads to? Holy fuck, civilian. Sir, we've all left the toilet seat up.

Are you telling me, you want a woman who can put her finger on the next? nuclear button, and she's willing to start an Arizona shitstorm over a toilet seat being up. No fucking thank you. I'd rather go to Chinatown and eat a whole plate of rotten, spoiled chicken chalman, and get sick for the rest of my life. Sir, I don't think you can equate a woman president with someone leaving the toilet seat up. Have you ever left a dirty glass on the coffee table? Have you ever left your underpants laying on the bedroom floor? Have you ever seen a fucking bull in a bull ring with a red eyes charging at a matador? Well, that's what you get when you got a fucking angry woman.

Sir, we all get angry. You can't just say it's women that get angry. And do all people get PMS civilian? PMS? You heard me. You heard me the red fucking terror. Sir, if you can watch your language. Everyone thought the communists and the Chinese with the red star in their flag with a red terror.

Well, I'll tell you what the red terror is, civilian. The red terror is when a woman's running hot. when she's running red hot on her period and the blood is bouncing around inside her vulva like a jug of water on the back of a school bus. Sir, would you not make those types of analogies? She's dripping hot blood

and her fucking brain is more fried than a fried egg at Denny's on a Sunday brunch. Are you fucking kidding me? Sir, please. CMS makes a woman's mind grow nuts when I was in Vietnam, civilian crawling through the muck and the gook trying to shoot down those little slanty eyes. Sir, do not go there. We would get a thing called Jungle Fever. That's when the insects and the parasites crawl so far up your ass.

You might as well be piggyback in a proper. What the hell does that mean? Jungle fever makes a man not think right. And when you're in the fucking jungles of Gendgen Fu or Vietnam or the Viet Cong, when you're not thinking right, guess what happens, Sir William? Your fucking rifle goes off. It goes off by accident. It goes off when you're not thinking straight.

It goes off in all directions, and it doesn't care who the fuck it kills. You may have heard the term friendly fire, civilian. Yeah, we've all heard the term friendly fire. It's not, it's horrible. That's when you accidentally shoot your own soldiers on your side. Yeah. Well, about PMS. Okay.

How about fucking blood clot fire? Sir, do not say blood clot fire. There's friendly fire. And then there's blood clot fire. And that's what happens on a woman's PMS. And she will press that red blood-colored button to start a nuclear war. And we all go straight to hell on a Chinese chicken basket. Sir!

I think you're probably offended. most people with this type of rhetoric. You're definitely offending women. And, you know, it's rather sexist and unfair to categorize a woman who's being unfit to be the commander-in-chief because she has a monthly

period. There are CEOs, there are presidents of companies, or athletes and women functioned just fine during PMS. Well, look at you. La-di-da-da-da. Why don't you just go

grab a used tampon, civilian, and skip through a field of poppies. Because you're starting to sound like a pussy-wipped polyrog swimming around in a sperm pool. What is that all about, sir? You rode me, civilian. If you think for one minute, I'm going to vote for a woman like Hillary goddamn Clinton, a woman who wears a green olive garden pantsuit. Sir, watch it. I don't think Putin or the Russians or the North Koreans or ISIS, for that matter, are going to be trembling in their fucking shoes when they come over the hill and see a woman with frosted hair, an olive garden jumpsuit,

and cancels the size of bronnosauruses. Sir, that, you know, I think you're just being out and out, sexist. I find this talk negative. I find it appalling. I find it... I'm no fan of Hillary Clinton, but I just don't think you're giving her a fair shake here. I'm telling you, what are you going to do if you're ISIS? You come over to Yale. And there's a woman

putting on lipstick and eye shadow. She's standing there in an olive garden green pantsuit. I'll tell you what I'm going to do if I'm Isis, I'm going to say. Hello, can you please tell me what the specials are today? And please, could you give me some of your all-you-can-hit breadsticks? Are you doing an accent? I'm doing an accent, distress of points a variant. So that is just, now you're offending Arab cultures.

I would like to get the chicken tomato, and how's the shrimp scampi in this place? President Clinton? Wow, sir, that is just low. I'll tell you what's low, civilian. What's low is when your family has been reduced to best because a woman on TMS, a woman president on the rag is made a bad, blurred decision on the future of this planet. Because once a month, her mind gets cloudy.

and it's on that day that she presses the nuclear button and we're all laying on the ground, nuclear dust, waiting for the Viet Cong to come and vacuum us up with the elephant-sized assholes. Sir, are you losing it or what? I'm sorry, I swallowed a bug. Sir, I just find this is a bit too excessive, and I think for the sake of our women listeners,

and even for our male listeners, I've got to end this call. It's just too biased and slanted. I'll tell you what's slanted. The Viet Cong's eyes are slanted. But when a woman gets her pussy all in a twist, that gets slanted too. Okay, you did not just say a woman gets her pussy in a twist.

I sure do it. Have you ever seen a woman's pubic hair shaped like a mushroom cloud? That's the sign that the end is near. Are you? Sir, I got to hang up. When a woman's bush is puffed up like a mushroom cloud and her pussy's all twisted, you know it's the end of time. I got to go. Goodbye, Lieutenant French Colonel, De Daoudi.

Drop, fucking roll, civilian. Okay. God! You know, I'm apologizing all the way. I don't even know if there is an apology big enough for what was just said there. For people who are supporting Clinton, for women, is he gone? No? Yes? The answer is yes. You always want to have better sex. That's what you want it to be better, not worse. Trust me. And Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item plus free shipping. And more than that, Adam and Eve wants to make your life easy. They offer discrete shipping as your privacy is a priority. Plus 100% free shipping on your entire order. Doesn't matter how much you spend or what you buy. All will be packaged and sent discreet. for free and fast. Don't wait, Better Sex is just a click away.

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Have fun. Don't throw your back out. There is just no room for that kind of talk. I'm sorry. I won't have it. I won't have it. I had to hang up on them. I hope you guys respect my point of view.

And I'm doing it to protect people from, from, it's almost like hate talk. So, Roger, you know what? I don't want to hear from French lieutenant corporal, captain, sergeant at arms to Dowdy for a while. He needs to take a time out, man. Go to something else. Let me cool down. Do we have more calls from barbecue, Eddie? Throw that on and let's, let's regroup.

God. This is Eddie, he wants to party, but they just hang up. Hello? Hey, how's it going, man? Who? Uh, it's Eddie calling. I think you have the wrong number. Oh, it's Eddie. I was calling about the barbecue.

Yeah, I think you had the wrong number. See if you wanted to barbecue today or anything, or? Hello? Yeah, I wanted to see if you wanted to barbecue. Q today, like, slap some ribs around, crack a few Heinikins and stuff? Uh, Eddie? Okay, yeah, I think you have the wrong number. Maybe down some Budwisers and, hello?

What, what the hell? What the hell? Oh. That was Eddie. He wants to party, but they just hang up. All right, let's talk about, uh, something that is a reaction to one of the phone calls you guys called in with. One of the pavement pounders recently called in and shared his favorite episode with us.

And so I thought that was a good idea. So I got on the last podcast and said, hey, if you have a favorite episode of the Harlan Highway and you want to share it with the other listeners, why not call in and let me know so let's listen to a couple of bone calls from pavement pounders who wanted to share some of their favorite episodes

Hey Harland calling up here from Alberta where it's starting to feel a little bit like winter already so talking about our favorite episodes of your podcast man mine was the Tom Green one remember that man remember Remember gravel, grongful flimble flamble. Ah, man, that was a classic, a real classic. You've got to get together with Tom Green on one of your shows again.

Anyways, chicken chalming, baby. Oh, yeah, yeah, that's true. I agree with you, man. I've had Tom on a number of times. Tom is always funny, always hilarious, always creative. And me and him have such a good time together. We have so much fun. So, yes, the good call.

I will work on getting Tom back in for another podcast soon. And let's take another call. Hey, Harlan. This is Nate calling from Sacramento, California. Just listening to your latest podcast, and you were talking about the favorite episode. And I wanted to share mine. I mean, there's so many great ones, but I think, I mean, and I, it's had a trouble. I mean, any episode with George Michael from Wham is, like, up there, you know.

but one that really struck me as like awesome was um and this is kind of a sad one it's um episode 592 when it was the episode that you had did um after your mother had passed away and you had like recorded her words like her last words on the by in the hospital and you played it for us and then at the end like you kind of cried and there's like this silence on the in the podcast and it's Like, you kind of just, you recovered from it real quick. And then right after that, you went right in the chin hoe. And I just, and it was like, you just cranked it up, man. And I just said to myself, man, this guy, here he is, like, sharing this really personal, sad moment with us.

And then he goes straight into a guy who's obsessed with pineapples, you know. So I just thought, it's like, you are the man, Harlan, for that, you know. So anyway, that's probably one of my, that was. was one of my all-time favorite episodes. By the time of that, my other favorite, like, really, really favorite episode is actually episode six of Let's Have a Fight. I think it was episode six with Tom Green and Orney Adams, and you and Sam Phillips

were the judges. That was one of the funniest things. I mean, it's definitely worth the premium price for the premium content for that one episode. If that was, like, the only episode you had done of Let's Have a Fight, That would have been worth it for that, you know, the 20 bucks a year. So anyway, I just had to share that with you. I hope you guys check it out.

And, yeah, thanks for everything you do, man. Talk to you soon and check a chalming, baby. Oh, Nate, Nate, Nate, Nate. Thank you, man. Thank you for your feedback. Thank you for picking a couple of episodes there. And yes, the, man, the podcast I did, When my mother was dying, uh, that was sad. That was heavy. It was very heavy. That was a, that was a tough one for me, man. And you're right, I did choke up. I did cry. It was, uh, it was hard not to. Um, you know, it's, uh, when a parent passes away right in front of your eyes and, and, and it's a slow death and you can't stop it. It's, there's nothing more frustrating and sad. Uh, so.

So it's interesting because many people have mentioned to me that that podcast where I asked my mother if she'd like to say a few words to, you know, all of you guys, the pavement pounders, knowing she was in her final hours of life. My mother was a very wonderful woman who loved to reach out and communicate with people and give to people and share with people. And I just knew she would want to say something. And it was important to me that, you know, people heard my mother's voice because I feel like what my mother said was often important and had resonated. And it sounds like it did with a lot of people And it sounds like it touched you And I'm glad you did It was a hard decision for me to

You know Do I share this with my listeners? Do I share this with the pavement pounders? And I thought, yeah, you know I think my mom My mom probably You know, if you go back and listen to the episode My mom said some some words that I think were important

and meaningful. So I'm glad I did it and I'm glad that you enjoyed it. Thank you for your feedback on it. And also thank you for your comments about the Tom Green, Orney Adams, Sam Phillips Let's Have a Fight episode. For those of you that don't know, I do a second podcast. That's right. A whole second podcast is a completely different format. It's chock full of comedy. But it's a whole different vibe than the Harland Highway. It's called Let's Have a Fight. And basically, I pit two comedians or celebrities against each other, and they have verbal fights until there's a winner.

And it's really fun. The fights get out of control, and there's name-calling and abuse and lies and BS, and whatever you have to do to win the verbal fight. And I'm glad you, first of all, thank you, Nate, for being a premium member. I really appreciate that and what you said about the premium membership. And you're right, it's only $20 a year to join the premium membership. And you can do that at harlandwilliams.com. You just go on the app page and you can join up.

And I'm glad you're enjoying all your premium content. So thank you. it was a fun podcast. Let's have a fight. Tom Green and Orney Adams, two great comedians yelling at each other and fighting and, ah, it's a lot of fun. By the way, we have a new Let's Have a Fight episode coming up very, very soon. It's already been recorded and it's going to be loaded and it's going to be coming out early September, possibly the first week of September. So, you know, right like within the next number of days. We're already in today's September 1st. So it's right around the bend, man. So there you go.

Just a little sample of some people's favorite episodes. If you want to share a favorite episode of yours here at the Harland Highway, please call in 323739.4. 433.30 is the number, and we might put your favorite episode phone call on the air. But I think, you know, I think what we really need to do as we come towards the end of summer here is check back in with Barbecue Eddie. This is Eddie. He wants to party, but they just hang up. Hello? Hey, how's it cool, man?

Who is it? It's Eddie. Eddie calling. Who are you? Let's go see if you wanted to do the barbecue today. No, no. You got a wrong number, I think. Maybe slap some ribs around and stuff. I've got corn on the crop. Um, chicken breast and stuff.

Uh Hello? Um Hello? What the What the hell? That was Eddie. He wants to party

But they just hang up Okay, since we're talking about the end of summer, which I hate to do. I told you last podcast, I hate to do this, but I'm going out with a bang, man. I'm going out with a bang. I did this last year for the first time I went to the Burning Man Festival. Okay? This is where 70,000 whack jobs migrate to the desert of northern Nevada,

Black Rock Desert, and they build a city in the middle of a dry lake bed. 70,000 people, artists and musicians, and weirdos and poets and paupers and princes, and you name it, man. And me and my buddy Michael are going. Michael was one of my co-stars in the movie Sorority Boys. You also might know Michael from the series Smallville. He played Lex Luthor, and now he has a series on TV land called Impastor.

So I'm going to Burning Man with Lex Luthor. Can you believe it? Nobody's going to mess with me because I got Lex Luthor at my side. But me and Michael have been friends for so long, and it is just going to be a blast. We are renting a camper with a couple of beds in it and a shower and a bathroom and a microwave oven and a fridge and a table and an air conditioner. and we're driving up all the way up there. It's like a 10, 11, 12-hour drive. It's going to take us two days.

We're going to go up there and drive out into the desert and we're going to camp. We've got a camp set up. Some of our fellow camp members are already up there. I've heard a rumor that one of them is a victorious secret model. I mean, are you kidding me? I'm going to be in a dry lake bed with Lex Lek's. Luther and a Victoria's Secret

Model and Shannon Elizabeth is going to be there Did you remember the movie American Pie? Do you remember the beautiful girl that the kid had sex with? The stunning, the foreign exchange student?

Yeah, Shannon Elizabeth is going to be there, Victoria's Secret Model, Dust, Burning Man. I hope Burning Man doesn't mean like sexually transmitted disease. I hope I don't come home and I'm burning, man. You know what I mean? But I went last year and I know I filled you guys in on what happened and how it went.

And this year is going to be probably even nuttier because last year I went alone. I met some friends up there. But this year I'm going with Lex Luthor. And you know what I'll do is I'll record some of it. I'll record some conversations. I'll record some of the madness. And I'll play it. Maybe I'll play it just for the premium members.

No, I can't do that. I'm going to play some for everybody, but I'm going to save some of the real gold for the premium members. So you guys better get on that premium thing. So very excited. Off to Burning Man. Actually, I'm leaving tomorrow. And so the next podcast, hopefully I have some stuff from you from Burning Man.

So that's how I'm ending my summer. If Barbecue Eddie ended his summer, I don't know if he ever got a barbecue going. It's kind of said, is there any, Roger, is there any more? Can we check in with the barbecue Eddie just once more and see if he hits pay dirt? Roger just gave me the thumbs up. All right, let's close the show with Barbecue Eddie

and let's see if the poor guy finally can get his summer barbecue on. Roll it, Rodge. This is Eddie. He wants to party, but they just hang up. Thank you for call, Majestic Oaks. Janelle speaking? Oh, hey, how's he going? It's Eddie calling.

Yes, sir? I was going to see if you guys wanted to do that barbecue today at time. Oh, I think you have their wrong number, sir. This is a majestic oak? Oh, yeah, I've seen if we wanted to throw together a barbecue, maybe, you know, slap some ribs together or something, or, do I? Are you staying here at the park? No, I'm part of the barbecue club, and they said the folks are up for barbecuing over there.

Did you talk to one of my bosses about this? I talked to a guy named John at the barbecue club, and he said, to give a call over so we could crack some Heineken's maybe throw on some baby back ribs and stuff I think you may have the wrong number Oh Would you guys

Do you barbecue over there? No sir this is We do do Saturday lunches but we usually do our own thing We don't only barbecue we just kind of We have nothing to do with the barbecue club we're just We're in RV park Would it be okay if I set up over there though

And just, you know Slap some ribs down I'd have to talk to my manager about that We'd have to schedule it And she'd have to see She doesn't work till Tuesday If you want to give us a goal back on Tuesday She's here 9 to 5

And you can talk to her about it But I can't make those plans Oh okay What's her name then? I'll give her Charity Charity, okay and you said Tuesday, right? Yes, sir.

All right, awesome. You like to barbecue and stuff? Because I can bring some extra, I don't know if you like catfish filets or ribs or something. I don't know. You wanted to talk to her about this because we don't really have any cooking where we don't, because we're just in our V park. But you can talk to her about that on Tuesday. Okay, great.

And maybe you'll be there. We can crack some hindrins and go eat some shrimp and stuff and have a great time. Maybe. All right, awesome. Thanks a lot. I appreciate all I'll call Charity. Yes, sir. Okay.

Thanks a lot. Of course. Bye. I think I might have just connected with my first barbecue, but it's the end of the summer and it's too late now. What the hell? What the hell? That's too late. What the hell?

Charity. Charity! That was Eddie. He wants to party. But they just hang up. Oh, sweet charity. Poor Eddie. He was there, man.

He locked it in. And then it just, Summer ran out on the dude, man. Oh, dude. Well, next summer. bro. Next summer is your summer, okay? Whoa, that was just so close, man. Wow, dudes. Oh, man. Well, hey, like I said last podcast, I hope you had a great summer. I really do. I hope you had an awesome summer. We're going to have a lot of fun going into the fall and the winter and Christmas, and we always have a grand old time here at the

Harland Highway. Please tell your friends to get on the highway so they can enjoy all the madness. And please join our premium membership for $20 a year. It's a steal. Also, get our free app at the Harland Highway app for your phone. It's absolutely free. You can actually listen to the podcast on your phone. Wherever you go, wherever you want, you can pause it. You can fast forward it. 30 seconds. You can rewind it 30 seconds. You can keep all of them in a collection. You can, oh, it's so cool. You got to check out the app. It's free. Just go to your app store type in the Harland Highway, and you are in, baby. Also, you can call me. If you want to share one of your

favorite episodes with the rest of us, please do. 323739-43330 is the number. 3-2-3-7-39-4-3-30. That number is also on the home page at harlomewilms.com. You can look it up. Also, you can write me at harlumwilums.com. We do read your emails on the show from time to time. And also check out our store. We have a wonderful store at harlomwilms.com with all kinds of cookie merchandise for you.

So hopefully I make it back from Burning Man Live. And like I said, I'll have some updates for you. barbecue, Eddie's done for the summer. He gave it a good, good shot. But not this time, Eddie. But glad you guys were here. Thank you so much. And until next time, chicken.

Chalman, baby. Have you ever seen a woman's pubic hair shaped like a mushroom cloud? That's a sign that the end is near. Thank you.