The Harland Highway - 801 - Creepy bugs and UFO's. Sample clip from LET'S HAVE A FIGHT Podcast.

Episode Date: September 15, 2016

Harland talks about a UFO sighting and some creepy bugs that invaded his food. Also a clip from the LET'S HAVE A FIGHT Podcast, funnnny! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Yeah, baby. Let's do it. Let's do the Harland Highway podcast. Oh, yeah. You won't do this? Yeah, I won't do it. Yeah, let's do this. Hey, everybody.

Harlan Williams here. Welcome to the Harland Highway podcast. We are grooving. here with you keeping it real in the deal rocking and rolling power pounding and power slamming whatever you want to call it we're doing it man we're doing it bad um great show tonight we're we're going to we're going to play you a clip from uh the latest let's have a fight podcast this is another separate podcast to do just for premium members But to tease and seduce and entice, those of you that haven't joined our yearly $20 a year premium membership,

maybe we can lure you in and at the same time entertain you and make you laugh with a clip from Let's Have a Fight. Also, have you ever seen a UFO? Uh, da lo, uh, da UFO. I think I saw one the other. night man. And I'm going to talk about it. It freaked me the F out, yo. And then let's talk about something that's even creepier than UFOs. Have you ever had a bug in your food? I've ever had a bug eating your grub? We're going to talk about that and so much more. Because this is the Harland Highway.

Let's do it. Let's do it. Let's do it. Hey, everybody, Harlem Williams here. Welcome to the show. Great to have you here, as always. Yay, y, yay, yay. So I want to talk about bugs.

Let's start the show off with bugs. I mean, here's where this came from. I was out somewhere, and I got myself a delicious bag of Frito's honey corn twists. They're not like the regular Frito's corn chips that look like old man's toenails. You know, you know the yellow Frito's corn chips? They look like old man's toenails all curled up and speckled and yellow. These are like the honey barbecue twist. They look like springs or coils or something.

It's like you're eating out of a mechanics bag of gears and switches. And I was munching on a bag, and I got a phone call or something. I got distracted. I was sitting outside on a porch somewhere. And I went in to get the phone or whatever it was I had to do. and I kind of forgot about the chips. I was distracted by this phone call. And then about, you know, an hour later, I'm like, oh, man, my chips.

Where are my chips? And I forgot that I put them outside. I was like looking around the house and the office and the living room and the bedroom. And I even looked in the bathroom. I was like, did I take my Fritos corn chips into the bathroom? Who does that? Who takes their Fritos corn chips? honey swirled corn chips into the bathroom and why am i talking like this um so i couldn't find them

and i kind of wrote them off i thought geez maybe i took them down to the car or something and then i went wait a minute wait wait wait wait wait outside i was sitting on the on the on the in the patio i was watching the sunset oh yes that's what distracted me it wasn't a phone i went to get my phone so I could take a picture of the sunset so cut to two hours later I remembered I had some Frito's corn swirls or whatever they are and I was like I want to get those and I finally remember they're out on the porch and I go outside and I see them sitting there on the on the table I'm like oh yummy and then when I got closer there was a big dark brown oval-shaped shape, right at the mouth of my open bag.

And I was like, what the hell is that? Is that a, do one of my corn chips go rotten? And I got up closer and it was a giant cockroach, ladies and gentlemen, a giant, like, you know, two and a half inch. Not the little tiny ones that scurry away when you turn on your light. You know, the little ones that look like crickets. No, no, no, no, no. these are like the big ones with the big broad shoulders like you you could put one under each foot and roller blade on it you know what i'm saying and this thing has the balls to be sitting there just chomping away on my crunchy corn chip snack i'm like whoa dude

like dalo who gave you the right to chew on my delicious treat I was looking forward to those, man. And I get burned. I get burned by a giant cockroach. And I don't know if he went into the bag. The bag was laying there open. He had full access. What if some of his buddies were in the bag?

What if he was like, Hey, Hey, bros, come on, man. I found like some fucking corn chips, yo. Come on, get up here, bro. There's no one around. I mean, let's like, let's chow down on the fucking corn twirls,

So I don't know if there's, there's, you know, cockroach friends in the bottom of my bag, like a prize at the bottom of a box of cereal. I start eating my corn chips and all of a sudden my fingers get near the bottom and I feel one of my corn chips crawl up my arm. No, thank you. No. So I'd only been, you know, like, you know,

if there's a hundred corn chips in a bag, at this point I'd only eaten about 15, so most of the bag was there, and I had to toss it. I had to toss it in the garbojo because the cockroachio was feasting on my snacks. What of's de lo? So I was pissed, so I don't know. I don't know why insects are so freaky and creepy you know there's some cultures that just eat them the insects or the snack some some cultures eat like big mealworms and butterfly larvae and beetles and crickets and they they stir fry ants and inchworms and you know so what am i such a pussy for i can't eat i can't eat a bag of cockroach covered corn chips. Hey, that sounds like one of those like sea, she sells seashells by the seashore.

Cockroach covered corn chips. So, so there you go. So I don't know if you guys have ever had a scenario, a scenario, where you've had an insect destroy your tasty treat you ever have a moth fly into your your drink you ever have a fly in your soup you ever have a a worm in your salad i don't know if you want to share you can gets my blood boiling i'll tell you well what else gets my blood boiling oh my god fighting verbal throwdowns, verbal smackdowns, fighting, fighting, fighting, fighting. We've all had verbal throwdowns with friends and family and loved ones. But what if you did it on purpose? And that's

exactly what I do with my other podcast, the one that most of you have never heard because you haven't signed up for premium memberships. But I do another whole podcast called Let's have a fight and the latest podcast of let's have a fight was just posted yesterday and uh it is fun it is hilarious it's uh with a comedian kira sultanovitch she's feisty she's russian she's funny and the way let's have a fight works is i have three verbal dustups three different fights a comedian or an actor or an actress and we have a mediator and a judge and he kind of oversees the verbal fights there's seven minutes each so that's three seven minute fights plus closing arguments plus running commentary plus all kinds of fun stuff so i hope you get on our premium membership

i'm going to play you a sample i'm going to play you like a little 10 minute clip of my fight with Kira Soltanovich. And I think the topic is the topic that we were fighting about is should sex be delivered to your home the same way a pizza from Domino's

would be delivered? Should there be a sex industry that's clean and fast and efficient and just as easy and simple as ordering a pizza? Well, you're about to find out please enjoy this little free sample. For those of you that aren't premium members yet, hashtag yet, enjoy this free sample of me and Kira Sultanovich going at it on another episode of the podcast, Let's Have a Fight.

You're going to be against this topic. Okay. You're going to be against this topic. Okay. So here we go. Pick whatever one you want. Oh boy. Here we go.

Read it out loud, please. Should sex be delivered like Domino's service? Oh wow So you're going to be I'm against It should not be delivered Right And Harlan thinks it should be delivered

Yeah yeah Oh boy All right guys I think I'm gonna win this round Easy You got your power slams ready This is the final round This is a big one

This decides who's gonna win Harlan's obviously ready Are you guys ready Yes Let's have a fight Domino's pizza is disgusting Nobody likes Dominoes Unless you're drunk

Or unless you're so cheap, you can't afford real pizza. So if you want sex to be delivered, it's going to be disgusting, doughy, domino's pizza sex that doesn't taste good. It makes you feel awful and gross

and then you die. Yeah, but if you're done in half an hour, it's free. Wow. But no, come on. You lost already. She's a power slam. Early power slam. Do you know why I do that? them early? Why? Because I feel like I've

already won. And there's no point in going on. You wake up at Panda Express with Donnie Osmond's teeth. Done. Already happened. I went to junior college. Why don't you go suck an onion with your Moby

dick ass? You freak. First of all, did you write this under duress? Your penmanship could not look more like someone has a gun to your head. It does look ransom notice. It doesn't look like, hurry.

It's a Sharpie. What am I supposed to be a... Sharp, sharper. Yeah. It's meant to write actually smoothly. It's not like I'm a calligraphy expert with a Sharpie. But you look like someone was like, your whole family will be executed. Listen, I think you're trying to distract from...

Look, we live in a fast-paced society. Right. You know, we live in a sex-riddled society, even though America likes to pretend that everyone's decent and and you know if you see a nipple at the super bowl we're all going to go to hell people if they could just get their sex delivered clean healthy good looking people delivered driven to your house the driver waits in the driveway you have a half hour an hour of sex they go away people are less frustrated people are less pent up there's less violence less sex crime it's a service it's like getting a pizza delivered man well harle does it since it can

Have you ever had sex? You felt like it should have been more convenient. Well, hold on. Let me just say what he said, then I'll answer your question. I think you're forgetting the mission statement of Domino's. It's not you have a half hour to eat the pizza. Are you forgetting? It's just, it will be delivered within the half hour or it's free.

Right. And guess what? When that happens, they're going to choose the nearest chick who's riddled with tuberculosis and the Zika. And whoever's closest is going to be delivered to your house. There's no quality involved. No, there has to be quality. If it's an industry, it's got to be. It's not going to be quality.

It's not going to be quality. It's got to be girls and guys who decide they want to be in the quick, convenient sex industry. I am not against a person getting delivered to your house and you can put it inside them. I'm against. The question is like dominoes. So in a half hour or less. So what I'm telling you is that is a terrible idea. It's not going to be quality vagina.

It's going to be doughy and disgusting and too much sauce and nasty ass GMO cheese. That's what you're going to get because it's a half hour or less or the vagina is free. You're not going to enjoy it. You're going to feel terrible afterwards just like Domino's pizza. It doesn't have to be Domino's. I think the bigger picture is an industry where it can get delivered to your house. like groceries or a pizza or anything. And then it takes...

The question says Domino's. Hey, everybody. Who wants to have better sex? No? Yes? Yes. The answer is yes. You always want to have better sex. That's what... You want it to be better, not worse.

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So be sure to use this code Harland so you get your discount and 100% free shipping. Code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. Excuse me. That's one of a solid points. day. Harland, have ever practiced what you appreciate? You ever had sex delivered to your house?

I have never had it because it, well, it exists if you get an escort or something. Would you get it? No, I wouldn't. But if it was an overall societal thing that was more of an industry and it was more accepted. More commonplace. And people did it, kind of like the way they've started to legalize marijuana. I would never think about doing that. But now it, you know, people growing up into it are going to be like, oh, marijuana, no big deal. Parliament believes there's a market for it. Do you think there's a market for it? Like Instatart. Yeah. Instead of Instacart. Yeah. Instatart.

Yeah. Okay. Dama blows. Dama blows is good. Yeah. I just feel that if you... Okay, so you're saying it's... It's the delivery of the person.

Papa John's, and we know what the John is. I don't think he's done. Sorry, go ahead. No, please. Wait, don't go ahead. There it is. There it is. A little sample of let's have a fight. Oh my gosh. We have so much fun when we do this other podcast. I sure hope you guys get on board with it and can enjoy the laughter. The fights just get crazier and nuttier and louder. And yeah, we have some great guests coming up in the future. So yeah, 20 bucks a year. Get you a member. Membership on the Premium Network, just go to Harlan Williams.com, click on the app link or the podcast link, and it will guide you on how to get on board with the premium content.

So there you go. Hope you enjoyed that little sneak clip. And for those of you that are already premium members, thank you so much. And I look forward to the rest of you getting on board. but let's move on to something that is even more peculiar than sex delivered to your house have any of you ever seen a UFO have you ever seen strange lights in the sky unexplained things moving through the air you know something happened to me the other night. I was down in Florida and I was staying at this place and it was a really cool place because

the bedroom had a bed that was very low to the ground. It was one of these beds that you don't step up onto, you kind of step down onto. And, you know, the baseboard and everything, the frame of the bed is laying right on the carpet. So it's a very low bed. And this bed was right up next to a really big glass window, and it was out in the country, out in nature. And so when you laid in this bed, you, by default, you looked right up into the starlit sky. It was just incredible. It's like you were sleeping outdoors, but with the comfort of indoors and no annoying outdoors, if you know what I mean. And so I'm laying in bed, and it's about 1230 at night. I'm. I'm laying in bed, and it's about 1230 at night. It's dark, it's quiet. This house is like near the ocean. And it's one of those nights

it's very still. There's no, there's no breeze. Usually there's a breeze and the palm trees are blowing and the water, you know, the waves are splashing. It's one of these very calm nights where, uh, where nothing was moving. And I was laying in bed trying to go to sleep. And I look, I look out through the glass, I see the stars, and all of a sudden, like two orange lights appear. Not red, not pink, orange, like a traffic cone, okay? And I'm thinking, well, that's odd, because airplanes usually have green or white or blue or red flashing lights. And usually those flashing lights are moving across the sky. So all of a sudden these two, these two, these two,

orange lights lit up right beside each other and they're just floating in the sky outside the window and then I'm starting to think, wait, is that a reflection in the glass? Is there a boat out on the ocean and somebody's shooting a flare into the sky? Is there some kind of, you know, reflection coming off the water? And so I sat up in bed and I look at these things and then, you know, 20 seconds later they just went out. And I saw some kind of object that was no longer illuminated, but it was like a round shape, and it just kind of zipped off into the darkness.

And I thought, okay, did I just see two orange burning lights? The second they went out, a bat flew through or an owl or something. That's the problem with UFOs, because you always second-guess yourself. You always go, well, there's got to be a rational explanation. Obviously, that's a rescue helicopter way out in the ocean, and somebody shot a flare, and the helicopter's hovering, and blah, blah, blah, blah, you know, you create all these reasons. For some reason, you give the UFO a break. So I was a little curious, so I sat up in my bed, and I'm kind of like, huh.

And then you start to second guess yourself. You go, okay, wait a minute. I know I'm sitting up in bed. I know I'm awake, but was I asleep and I dreamt the orange lights and now I'm sitting up because I had a very vivid dream and I think and then you start second guessing everything, right? So I'm sitting up in the bed and maybe three or four minutes go by and all of a sudden I look out the window and now I see again orange lights but not two orange lights which were kind of separated. They were like, you know, if it was a face, they were like eyes separated, okay, in the darkness. But now I was looking at a line, a line of orange lights, probably nine to 12 orange lights, okay, in a straight line going across and I go, wait a minute. And then I'm looking at the glass, the guy said, that doesn't, so there's a sliding glass door at the end of the bed.

I decide to go outside and stand on the balcony and get a better look. So I go outside and I see these lights. They're clearly there. It's not a reflection. They're hanging in the dark sky. And they're blinking back and forth. They're going blub-blib-blib-blib-blib-blib-blib-blib-blib-blib. Right to left.

Blah-blah-blah-blah-blah. It's almost like, I don't know if you saw that movie, close encounters of the third kind. And there's that scene towards. the end where they're all assembled at that weird mountain and the UFOs going and all the lights are blinking back and forth. And all the lights are blinking back and forth.

Well, that's what this looked like. Except the lights weren't like randomly up and down and all over the place. They were in a straight line going back and forth. Right to left, left to right. Orange lights. Orange light. And I'm like, what the hell is that?

And then just like that, snap, gone. And it wasn't a cloudy night. It wasn't a night where something could have drifted above the cloud layer and vanished. The night was fairly clear. And just this row of lights, you know, I'm 50 years old. I've been a stargazer my whole life I've worked in a lot of remote places I've been to a lot of remote places

where I love to go out in pitch blackness and look at the night sky and see the stars and so I've seen my share of satellites and twinkling planets and twinkling stars things that I might have misinterpreted as UFOs but then after watching them for 20 minutes realize they're not moving and they're just twinkling

And so this row of orange lights that I saw was an anomaly. It was something I've never seen before. And so now I'm kind of wide awake and I go back in the house. I grab my cell phone and I'm like, shit, I'm going to take a picture of this when it comes back. Because right, I already saw once. I saw the two orange lights and then, you know, a few minutes later, there's like nine of them like back and forth.

So I grabbed my cell phone And I'm standing out on this deck where there's nothing between, you know, me and the sky now I'm right on the shore of the ocean And of course, wouldn't you know it? Five minutes goes by, 10 minutes goes by, 20 minutes go by, I'm out there for almost half a freaking hour, nothing. And I'm down in Florida. You know, I'm in the Zika zone. I'm out there with my shirt off and my pajama bottoms,

nothing on my feet. I'm feeling things on me. Maybe it's the Frito Corn Chip cockroaches have returned. Maybe they're giving me a pedicure down there. So I'm exposing myself to the elements, to nature, to the Zika mosquitoes who want to pump me full of their Zika. oils just so I can get a look at these orange lights and I'm looking out into the ocean and I don't see any lights from any boats so I'm writing off a safety flare or a rescue flare because we've all

seen rescue flares they kind of shoot up into the sky they illuminate very brightly then they arc and they they kind of float back down to earth there was nothing like that there was no ascendance there was no decline. These orange lights appeared in a line across, straight across, not up and down, not vertical, horizontally. And so I saw no sign of any boats. And as I said, it was a very still night. And I've stood out at this property before and stargazed. And there's been instances where way, way, way up, I could see a jet or a plane flying by. And on a still night when there's no wind, you can hear it. You can hear that faint. Right? You can hear it. And so now I'm letting my ears do the work. I'm going, okay, if there's some kind of plane out there, if there's

some kind of jet, if there's any kind of aircraft, there's got to be a sound. And again, I'm in a remote area. I'm kind of in like a nature reserve area. So it's not like anyone would be out hang gliding at 1245 at night. No one would, there's no parasailing in this area. There's no gliding. There's, there's, there's not even an airport close to where I am. And so now I'm out watching this and trying to figure out what it is. And of course, like I said, the second I go and stand out there nothing the thing never came back and so now i'm sitting here scratching my head wondering like a dumbass and wishing i had been quicker on the draw with my camera or my my cell phone camera wishing i had longer to look at it you know like i said the the flashing

orange lights were only there for like 20 maybe 30 seconds and i didn't you know it's It's kind of like your mind is first in a state of disbelief or you're a little bit stunned because you don't know what you're looking at. And so your mind's like kind of doing all this footwork before it settles in and starts kind of really, you know, analyzing what it's seeing. And I didn't get into the analytic mode because I was too excited. It's kind of like when you first catch a fish on your line. When you're fishing, you know, you panic and you're reel really fast. and you're trying to get the fish to the boat as fast as you can and it gets off your line because you're pulling too hard and what you got to do is just let the fish fight and swim and let it

tire itself out and slowly bring it in but my my brain was like rushing because I was in oh my god is that a UFO oh my god what the hell of those arms like oh my god oh my god and it's gone I'll never know son of a bitch so there you go look at that we got two two very cool feel like calling in today and the phone numbers at the website harloweems dot com if you've ever seen a UFO and you want to share your story we'd love to hear it and then maybe on a more earthly note if you've ever had a cockroach or a bug infiltrate your food we'd love to hear those those squirmy, scary stories. And we'll leave it right there.

A bit of a creepy odd night with invaders, alien and insect invaders, with a let's have a fight clip thrown in between about paying for sex like pizza. What the hell kind of podcast is this? Good Lord, man. What the hell kind of podcast have I gotten us into? Well, maybe it's a sign.

We better end it right here and right now. Yeah, I think we'll... Roger, let's cue that music, buddy. Let's wrap it up and leave people pondering. If you do want to call, you can click on harlanwilliams.com. Go to the website, and the phone number is there. You can call us. Or if you'd rather write to me,

You can also write to me at the hallowoam's.com website. There is a contact link. I do read all the emails. I do listen to all the voicemails. So don't hesitate. Share your stories, your comments, your insults, your praise, whatever. What else? Also, please don't forget, join our premium membership.

So you can start hearing not only the Let's Have a Fight podcast, but I put live stand-up shows on there. I put special interviews. I put stuff with the characters. I mean, it is wild, man. It is wild, whoa, whoa, whoa, wild. Also, don't forget our free app. We have a great app.

The Harland Highway app, which is available in your app store. Just go into your app store. Type in the Harland Highway. And you can download that app. absolutely free ladies and gnergo glargans. And you get the 50 most current episodes of the Harlan Highway for free. And then, oh, did I mention another bonus to getting a premium membership,

you get the whole backlog of every episode we've ever recorded. Almost 800 episodes of the Harlan Highway for your $20. I mean, this premium membership just keeps giving, ladies and gentlemen. And in return, your $20 helps fund all the podcast activity that I do and bring to you. So I think it's a good swap. So there you go. I'll leave it right there. Watch out for Martians.

Watch out for cockroaches. Thank you for being here, everybody. And until next time, chicken. Chowman, baby. Thank you.