The Harland Highway - 808 - Crazy NEWS story. Kids on a bus. Part 4 of Harland's short story.

Episode Date: October 11, 2016

A crazy kid falls to his death or dies he in Today's CRAZY news story. Part 4 of Harland's Water Hose story. Happiness is, kids on a bus. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, hey, hey, sugar crisp, unless you're another cereal, then I won't call you Sugar Crisp. Welcome to the show. A million apologies. We are late, a day late. I will explain why as we get into the podcast here after the intro. I hate being late, but hopefully you'll understand once you hear my little tale of whoa. Also, we will be talking about, something that you did as a kid and can participate as an adult that will make you feel young. I had a really cool exchange with some young school children,

a really fun and wonderful interaction with these kids, and I'm going to share it with you. It was just splendid and magical and beautiful, and I want you to hear it. Also, a crazy news story. Oh, my God. this one made me laugh because it was so tragic and then had kind of a happy ending

and oh wait to you hear this crazy news story it's just a mindbender and then lastly at the end of the podcast I will be reading my fourth installment of the short story I wrote about the water hose time machine hopefully you're enjoying that and it's all getting started right now you guys

so here we go this is the Harland Highway. Where am I? What is this? Some kind of a joke or something? Welcome to the Harland Highway. What are you talking about words? Son, you got a panty on your head.

Shut up and sit down, you big ball fuck. Oh, God, what's happening here? What's happening? Hey, Harland, it's Shelby. You just made a wrong turn. On to the Harland Highway. We choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other thing. Not because they are easy, but because they are hard.

That is fantastic. That's wrong with everybody in this crazy place. The Harland Highway. What is it? The opening. To what? To another dimension. This is Harland Williams.

You're a bad man. You're a very bad man. That is fantastic. Well, hello there, everybody. You're so sorry, as we say in Canada, sorry for the delay. You know, every now and then we get to. technical glitches. We have problems with our technology. Things aren't working, buttons aren't functioning, internet connections aren't happening. So we're a day late here, which I don't like to be,

but I have no control over the technology. Well, I guess I do because I fixed it. Took a little troubleshooting, a little wrangling, a little fanangling. but managed to get the job done, kind of proud of myself, you know, because, you know, it's actually an interesting topic of conversation when you, you know, when you think about it, you know, sometimes when you have technical glitches, all you can do is really press buttons

or pull cords on your computer or your router. And it's amazing because you just like, you know, you tinker around with things on the surface, and you go, okay, I fixed it. You know, I pressed the right buttons. I clicked the right thing. I plugged in the right thing. But then when you think about what you fixed, right, like go behind the internet. Like when you go on YouTube and you type in, you want a certain song, and a video comes up almost instantaneously,

and you're watching video footage. I mean, have you ever thought about the technology behind the click? It's kind of like, you ever see The Matrix? You ever see that movie The Matrix where all the numbers are going past on the walls on the screen? They're in green and white, and it's just like, it's like wallpaper of numbers and mathematical figures. That's kind of what's happening behind everything you do with your technology. There's just trillions and trillions of numbers. being crunched and modified and moved around and connecting.

And then inside your computer, you've got, you know, transponders and receivers and electrodes. And I don't know what's in there. But all these electrical components and all these numbers and all these trillion billion things have to kind of come together behind. the curtain that we can't even see. We think, oh, well, I click the X and the 4 and my control tab and shift, and I fixed it. I'll look at me. I should open a, you know, a car garage and fix cars. Hell, I'll even fix a big rig.

But really, what's astounding is you're pressing a button, you're clicking a few things, and somehow that's putting into motion all the trillion. of little, you know, connections that have to happen underneath the hood of your computer and in your router and off of satellites and off of underground cables and off of, I mean, it's freaking mind bending. So to me, it's just a miracle. Whenever your internet stops working or something breaks down in your computer that you can miraculously, it's almost like when Frankenstein.

you know, tried to catch a lightning bolt out of the sky to bring his monster to life. It's like you're just like kind of pressing buttons, hoping the 20 trillion configurations fall into place and your computer and your technology comes back to life. It's pretty mind-blowing. You can't even, you know, I mean, I've talked about this before. Do you even know how your freaking light switch works?

When you go into a dark room and turn on a light switch, Do you know all the things that happen? Well, think about all the trillions of things that happen in your computer when you go to look at anything on the Internet or post something or fix something. It's just a mind-blower. So there you go. We're back and let's get gone.

Sorry for the delay. Let's get into a crazy news story, shall we? Come on. The Harland Highway. News stories That's weird That's strange stuff I make you crazy

Okay This one is As many of these are They're so tragic They're kind of funny And Boy oh boy Here's the headline

Teen tries to impress girl We've all done this Teen tries to impress girl Falls 23 stories from balcony Dallow Yikes! Here's the story, a 16-year-old boy who set out to impress a girl probably did not accomplish his intended goal. Gee, you think?

The Siberian teen, you don't hear that very often. Hey, is that a Siberian teen over there? I'm not sure. What makes you think that? I don't know, because he's got tiger stripes. I mean, I've heard of Siberian tigers. A Siberian teen? That's kind of odd.

The Siberian teen climbed over a railing and swung from the handrails of a 23rd floor balcony, idiot. And ended up falling in an attempt to impress a girl who was in the apartment with him. Boy, dude, there's way better ways to impress a girl. Like, you know, a lot of girls,

Or a lot of girls like it when you just ignore them. Or a lot of girls like it if you bring them flowers. Or a lot of girls like it if you just kiss them on the cheek. I don't think you got to walk out and hang over a balcony. Unless it's Heidi Klum, then maybe you got to. Okay? If it's any of the Victoria's Secret Supermodels, you probably got to hang off a balcony.

You might even have to go higher. You might even have to hang off the top of the Empire State Building. For one of them, because I know every guy listening would do that. Now, here's the amazing part of the story. Somehow, partially because the authorities say a park car he landed on softened the blow, he was conscious when emergency responders arrive and did not suffer life-threatening injuries. In the 230-foot fall, the Siberian time. reports. Again, the favorite newspaper of tigers everywhere.

Are you kidding me? This idiot fell 230 feet trying to impress the girl. This girl better be impressed. This girl better marry that guy. Like, she should have married him on the way to the hospital. Like, look, dude, you know, 230 feet, 23 floors. You survived. You've got super jeans. Is your middle name Clark Kent or something? I mean, can we do it right here in the back of the ambulance?

Because I need to have your super children. I need to know that if my children ever fall off an apartment building, they're just going to walk away and go to daycare. Come on, I'm taking my clothes off, do me. I mean, good Lord, man. First of all, this guy, you know, what I started off thinking was a Siberian idiot. Forget about a Siberian teenager. I'm thinking this guy's a dumbass,

but now I'm starting to think this guy's some kind of genius. Here's what they said about it. He has a bruised abdomen and lung, a tear in his liver and a broken shoulder. The guy was born under a lucky star. He is stable and conscious, an official says. Born under a lucky star. How about this guy was born in?

side the nucleus of the lucky star. I mean, how about this guy is the lucky star? Like he came down from outer space as a bunch of space matter crushed together and a star was formed as he was falling. He turned into an actual star as he screamed past the 12th floor. Good, what? Lord, also lucky

the owner of the car was not in it at the time. Yeah. That would have been like the heaviest bird poo ever landing on your car. You know, you thump! I say, honey, are there still pteradactos

around? Because that I mean, that do-do felt like it must have been about 200 pounds, darling. Either that or this is me being this is me being funny, Either that was a Teradacto turd, or I dare say, a Siberian teen just fell on the roof of our car. Oh, my God, what's that getting off of our car?

Oh my God, it's a fucking Siberian teen. Good Lord. I wonder what kind of car this guy was driving, man. The Daily Star, the newspaper, which calls the teen a moron lad and an idiot has pictures of his landing spot. I like that. You know, you can't add lad on the end of moron. It's too proper.

You know, that diffuses the impact of moron. I say there, moron, lad. You see what I mean? Hey, asshole, lad? It just, it makes it too gentlemanly. You can't add nicisms on the end of cursing. Hey, you fucking asshole, cinnamon face. Hey, man, you're a fucking dick.

Cheesecake. He, he, he, he, he, he. You know what I mean? You lad. I say, that's a side. Liberian teen, moron lad on the roof of my car. My God, honey! And here I thought it was a Teradacto feces.

One and the same, really? So there you go, man. I mean, wow. The only story I ever liked about someone out on a ledge was when Jim Morrison did it. Back in the 70s when he was a drunk rock and roll god, The Lizard King, it was reported like was drunk and wandering around on one of the window ledges at the Marriott Hotel on the Sunset Strip. The same hotel where John Ballou, she died and OD'd.

The same hotel where I first met Pamela Anderson. Oh, yeah. So, yeah, baby. There it is. You know, guys, you're trying to impress the girl. Forget climbing on a balcony, three words and a few numbers, 1,800 flowers. Boom. Crunch.

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Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. Now speaking of smart kids, you go from dumb kids on railings to smart kids and the reason I'm saying smart kids because if you see kids in a school bus

you have to assume they're heading to school where at school they learn knowledge and therefore you can conclude that they're becoming smarter. See? See how I put the pieces together? That makes me smart too. But I had an interesting thing happen the other day and it was really cool. It was in a way a little bit like my garden hose, you know,

time machine story that we're going to get to at the end of the podcast. podcast here, but it was, it was like this flashback moment. I was in some traffic. I was, you know, on a crowded street. It was around rush hour. So, you know, four or five o'clock in the afternoon. And there's traffic going this way and that way. And, you know, at every street light you get to, you know, you're like 20 cars deep. And then mixed in with the cars, there was a couple of big trucks. So I guess there was some construction going on somewhere. And, uh, And so I pulled up, and I'm waiting my turn in line. The lights red, and I'm sitting there just kind of, you know, twiddling my thumbs, you know, picking my nose.

No, I wasn't picking my nose. That might be something you people do, but I don't. And I'm sitting there, and all of a sudden I hear from the truck behind my ear, like this huge, like, you know, the truck air horn. And I'm like, what the hell is this guy's problem, you know? where's he got to be, a Siberian teen funeral or something, right? And then I kind of looked around and then I noticed right to the left of me was a school bus. And I could hear the kids giggling and I, you know, I had my window open and I looked up and I saw the kids kind of excited and jumping around and I went, oh, that's right.

That's what I used to do when I was a kid. you do that thing where you look out the school bus window at the truck driver and you pump your fist, and if you're lucky, the truck driver plays along and he honks his horn. And part of the reason I kind of clued in is because when I looked back at the truck driver, I could see him laughing and smiling. And I thought, okay, why did he pump his horn? Why is he giggling? And then I look to the left of me.

I see some kids excited in a school bus and I was like, I used to do that. I used to do it. Oh, man. You know, the truck drivers didn't always play along, but when they did, oh, it was like so exciting. You know, as a little eight or nine-year-old kid, you love the fact that you heard that big loud horn. It's like kind of a victory. And as a little kid, you like loud noises and you're excited. And I think with the real thing I took away from this is kids just love making contact with adults in a fun,

healthy, silly way. Like, you know, put your kid shoes on for a minute. You're in a bus where you're supposed to be kind of controlled and not cause too much trouble and you're going to school, which is a formal event. But all of a sudden, you know, you look out your window and there's an 18-wheeler Mac truck with a big truck driver with a beard and tattoos and a sleeveless shirt. And you're like, oh, what if I could just, what if I could break through the barrier here. What if I could break, what if I could bend the rules of the school and the bus

and the bus and if I just pump my fist and the bus, the truck driver, eh, eh, woohoo, yay! But my point is, this is what I love. For kids,

these small little victories are so fun. And so what happened is the kids were looking back and then as I was looking back. I looked up at them and they were excited they're looking around and then all of a sudden like three little girls in the back of the bus. It's always the kids in the back of the bus, right? Because I was parked right near the back. I was stopped there and the three little girls saw me looking up at them. And so now they start looking at each other. They start looking down

of me. They start looking at each other. And I'm thinking, oh, now I'm part of the game. I'm another adult, which made me sad to think that I'm an adult. You know, I'm a man driving a car. It means I'm grown up. I've lived most of my life. You know, these kids are just getting going. They're the ones pointing at the adult. Like an animal in a cage, like a full-grown Siberian teen.

Oh, like an idiot lad, a moron lad. So anyways, now they start playing the game where they want to connect with another adult. or even another human being. So they start waving at me. And I almost felt honored. I almost felt like, oh, well, me? You kids who are so cool and, you know, you know all the latest songs and you know what's cool

and you got your whole life ahead. And you want to talk to little old me with my beard and my shades and my, oh, I'm so touched. And it felt so nice. You know, here's what I love. The innocence on the kids' feelings. faces, the playfulness, their smiles, their bright, happy smiles, the innocence in their eyes, the fact that they were just connecting with another human being, that that was important

to them, that somehow kids, they aren't fearful of the world yet, that actually, they actually embraced the idea of somehow connecting to another person, they haven't put up all their sociological barriers yet they haven't been hurt by the world they haven't been damaged they just see other people at face value they see a man in a car with a beard hey look at the man let's wave out of i hope he waves back oh oh my god he waved back oh yeah he oh oh he waved back this is so fun i love this oh my god he waved back he wave back and i got sucked into that energy and I just loved it, man. It just made me feel so young again for a second, you know?

It actually made me happy. It made me feel part of their little world. A complete stranger. Suddenly I was part of the little kid's game, part of their world, part of their energy. And to be honest, I felt a little bit jealous and even a little bit sad because I was like, you know, not that I've had a crappy life. I've had a great life, but it made me go, man, those guys are just starting. Those guys are just getting going. Look at them having fun up there.

And they're so, well, they get the whole world ahead of them. Oh, it was wonderful. It was a wonderful little exchange, a wonderful little moment. You know, I really enjoyed that. And I can see the kids enjoyed it too. And so I thought, well, I actually went back into my head, you know, to when I was a kid in the 60s and the, you know, the 70s. And I thought, I remembered back, you know, when I was a kid in the 60s,

the hippie thing was still happening a little bit. And somehow in the clouded, foggy memory banks of my brain, I think I remember like, you know, adults when I was the kid in the boss giving me the peace sign. And I thought I got to offer these kids up something more than a wave and a nod of the head and an acknowledgement. You know, I want to give them something that stands out that gets them a little more excited than just a wave. So I flashed them a peace sign. I saw one of the little girls, she just kind of lit up. I don't even know if her generation knew what a peace sign was.

That occurred to me. I go, she might just think I'm holding up two fingers. She might not know the meaning behind. the peace sign. But guess what? And this tickled me. She did it back. Yeah, we connected, man.

She did the peace sign back. And she was smiling and laughing. And as the bus pulled away ahead of me and she disappeared out of sight, the last thing I saw was a beautiful, cute little girl smiling her big toothy grin and giving me a peace sign.

Isn't that nice? I love that story. That was a beautiful moment. And I guess this leads right into, you know, this leads right into the theme of my story that I've been reading to you guys. I certainly hope you're enjoying it. I think I got a tweet from somebody. And the theme of my story, of course,

is the Time Machine Garden Hose about the guys, who does another childhood activity, he drinks from his garden hose, and it takes him back in time in his mind. Or is it his mind? We don't know. That's part of the fun of this story. And so over the last three episodes, I've been bringing you 10 pages of the story per episode. And this is part four of the time machine garden hose. And before I do it, I just want to find that tweet. and read it to you guys. Okay, let's see if I can find it on my Twitter.

Here it is. This is a tweet I received from the pod couple. And I guess this is a reaction to my technical glitches. I wasn't able to put out the next portion of the story on the podcast. So here's his tweet to me. Hey, Harlan, this pavement pounder is Jonesen. for chapter four of the water hose story. Hashtag story time, hashtag Harlan story time.

Well, thank you so much from the pod couple. And without further ado, I certainly hope you enjoy it. Here is, and we'll close out the podcast with this, part four of the Garden Hose Time Machine. As the sun was setting, Brett wandered through the streets of his neighborhood. He couldn't remember the last time he had taken a walk that it stended past the length of his own driveway. It actually felt good to see other people, other houses, gardens, swing sets, children laughing, playing tag in the streets. Brett was disappointed in himself for not making more of an effort.

not just in his wife and children's lives, but in his own. How pathetic that he had never even walked around his own block. After about an hour, the sky was a wash of pink and violet. The slow summer sunset painted the canvas of the sky and seemed to slow down time. A slight haze hung in the air, pierced only by the sharp sting of the odd cicada calling to one another. Brett needed this. He needed to clear his head, hands in his pockets, meandering aimlessly through the neighborhood streets. As he rounded a corner, there were some children playing on a front lawn, dancing and jumping around, trying to avoid being hit by an older brother that was quite intently trying to soak them with the garden hose. As Brett walked closer, he could actually smell the scent of the wet water on the grass, the aroma of water seeping into the porous surface.

of the Sunbake sidewalk. Suddenly, he was thirsty again. But before he could turn around and head back towards home, a long stream of water splashed right across his chest and face. The boy manning the hose wasn't aware of Brett's approach, and in his carelessness, hit Brett with a direct hit of hose water that was clearly meant for one of the younger kids trying so hard to avoid him on the lawn. Hey, Brett yelled, a reflex more than an intended verbalization.

Upon hearing Brett's cry, all of the other children stopped at once. They all froze on the grass, including the boy holding the hose. Splashing an adult was not supposed to be part of the game. Before Brett could take another step, all the children dispersed, like cockroaches when you turn on a light in a darkened room. Brett tried to quell their fears. He wasn't angry, but there was no one left to convey that to. The jittery kids had vanished like a puff of smoke,

All that remained was the garden hose sprawled across the lawn, pumping endless gushes of water out onto the sidewalk. Brett tried once more to yell to them. Hey, kids, I'm all right. I'm not mad, honest. But it was in vain. The children were long gone. And as the stream of water from the hose forged its way down the sidewalk, it wasn't long until a shallow puddle was forming around Brett's feet. Like a good neighbor, ha, he laughed. himself like he had ever been one he picked up the hose and began to follow it up the lawn so that he

could turn it off at the tap as he neared the wall of the house he could see a thin spurt of water escaping from the seal between the hose and the tap he wondered in that moment does that little spray thingy happened to everyone as he reached for the tap he suddenly became instantly aware that he once more for the fourth time in two days had a running water hose in his hands hands. This made him somewhat suspicious, but of what he couldn't seem to determine. As he held the hose in his hand, he hesitated about turning it off. He knew that there was a possibility that what was in his hand was far more than a 25-foot length of rubber tubing used to irrigate grass. He was now reluctantly aware that what was in his hand was quite possibly a time machine into his

past. Brett looked around to see if any of the neighbors were watching. The street seemed eerily empty and vacant of any activity. He looked back at the house to where the hose was anchored and upon seeing there wasn't a soul in sight, he apprehensively, perhaps even guiltily, brought the hose to his mouth and started to drink. Tommy straight in the front of Brett's tuxedo and brushed a small white piece of fluff off of his shoulder. Man, how long does it take those chicks to pee? Jesus, Tommy huffed. Tanya Reese, buddy. I can't believe you got Tanya Reese to go to prom with you. Tommy smiled proudly. Hey, I got the fucking goods, man, okay?

They laughed and hug generously as more and more of the graduating class members filed into the dimly lit gym. Did you see who Debbie Newman is? here with? Todd fucking Applebaum. The guy we all thought was gay. What? Brett said with sincere astonishment in his voice. Wow, he fooled us all, man. Tommy shook his head disappointed in his own ability to recognize he wasn't good at picking off the gay guys in his school. Brett surveyed the decorations in the gym, obligatory disco ball hanging over the center court, streamers draped everywhere, ribbons and balloons hovering over. the stage were a large banner that read Into the Future, Class of 81, stretched from one side

to the other. Wow, we did it, Tommy. We made it through high school, buddy. I guess the real world starts now, huh? Brett didn't wait for Tommy to answer. He was still taking in the gym that was now a poor man's ballroom. There were couples everywhere, laughing, holding hands, nervous and excited, all at the same time. Music drifted through the high ceiling and bounced off the echoy walls. The band was just finishing up their best rendition of Forget About Me by Simple Minds.

Brett nodded his head and smiled. This felt good. This felt right. Hey, here they come, buddy. Brett's private moment was interrupted by Tommy hitting him on the arm and diverting his attention to the opposite side of the gym. It was Kelly and Tanya.

Arm and arm, giggling as they weaved through the scattered couples dancing in the middle of the floor. Damn, look at those jugs, man. Fucking monsters! Tommy couldn't hide his adoration for Tanya's ample breasts, which were barely contained by her low-cut white prom dress. Come on, Tommy, show a little class for once, will you? Huh! Brett pushed the side of Tommy's head as he walked away and made a beeline across the gym floor towards Sherry.

Tommy shrugged it off and waved in the air to Tanya, motioning her to come over to where he stood. Tanya took her cue obediently and broke away from Sherry, running over to Tommy in his happy smile. Brett intercepted Sherry in the middle of the dance floor, sliding up to her and grabbing her hands. Uh, can I have the next dance, or are you here with someone? Brett tried his best not to laugh. Shut up, stupid. That is so dumb, Tanya smiled and hit Brett lightly on the chest with her yellow corsage. He responded by pulling her close and wrapping one of his arms around the back of her waist.

Almost as if they had planned it, the band started playing again. A beautiful slow song called True by Spandau Ballet. The whole gym seemed to suddenly get a bit quieter, and hundreds of inexperienced adolescents switched gears into an I love you mode. Brett pulled sherry and tight, their pelvis and abdomens pressed together, their faces just inches apart. The song was perfect for the moment, soft, romantic, and lyrics to be enchanted by. And although it permeated the air for everyone to hear, somehow it seemed to be playing just for them. Slowly they began to drift around in soft rhythmic circles, chased by the reflecting dots of colored light.

from the disco ball. They stared into each other's eyes intensely, powerfully, as if in each other they saw their futures. You look beautiful tonight, Shelly, Brett said awkwardly but sincerely. Shelly shifted her gaze to the ground for a moment, unsure of how to take his compliment. She bit her bottom lip nervously the way she did and turned back to him. Somewhere inside, she found some spontaneous courage. What's going to happen to us, Brett? I mean, when school's over, when everything ends. Brett detected a slight sadness in her voice as he continued to slowly swirl in a circle.

It's not going to end, Shelly. It's just the beginning, Brett smiled reassuringly. I'm scared, Brett. What if? Brett gently silenced her. He plucked a tiny white. rose from her gorsage and held it in his fingers. No matter what happens, for the rest of my life, on this exact day, I'm going to give you a white rose, just like this, one every year. Brett held it up so that it brushed her jawline

just below the corner of her mouth. She could feel its velvety caress. She could feel so many unspoken words swirling in the air around them. Shelly stared deep into his eyes. perhaps beyond them and into his soul. Her gaze was overflowing with fear and uncertainty. She wanted him so much. She needed him. Why, Brett? She asked so softly.

It was almost undetectable. Why a white rose every year? Brett stared at her, an ever so slight smile creeping across his lips. So you'll always remember that I love you, Shelly. That's why. Shelly felt her heart contract and then expand all in the same instant. Her eyes widened and her temperature rose a degree.

She felt the love for Brett that was nothing short of transcending. Brett put his other hand up on her cheek and as the Spandau ballet continued serenading them, he pulled her face to his and they kissed like they were the glue holding the universe together. Now the room itself seemed to be spinning with them. The lights, the music, the balloons, the banners. Until suddenly the moment was compromised when an old weather hand tapped Brett aggressively on the shoulder. Excuse me, excuse me, young man. Brett turned to see an old man with white hair and weathered wrinkles staring into Brett's face with agitation.

Do I know you? You live around here? Brett shook his head and lowered the spewing hose that was close to his mouth. He was back in the real world again, standing on the line. lawn where the kids have been playing. Oh, yes, I live three streets over on Palmdale. I'm so sorry. I was out for a walk and I got terribly thirsty. I saw your hose.

I hope you don't mind. No, take all you want. It's not my water. Belongs to the city. The old man was jovial and warm. Brett instantly relaxed and lowered his guard. Yeah, I guess it is. By the way, I saw your kids playing.

here. Nice to see him playing with the hose instead of his cell phone for once. Ah, those brats aren't mine. It's the Doddington kids from up the street. Troublemakers is what they are. And with that, the old man turned off the hose and turned and walked away from Brett. Brett stood there

for a moment, a little unsure of what to do but then shrugged it off and smiled. In his head, he thought to himself, crazy old bastard. Brett turned himself round, made his way to sidewalk and calmly walked away. By the time Brett got home, Sherry was in her pajamas and the kids were already in bed. There was a cloud of vulnerability hanging in the air. Brett had said things and shown emotions that he normally didn't display. He was uncomfortable in his own home and Sherry

could sense it as she greeted him at the front door. How was your walk, baby? You okay? Visibly drained of emotion, Brett nodded his head. Yeah, I just want to lay down. Sherry leaned into his chest and made herself small. Yeah, me too. Let's go to bed. She muzzled him with her body just a moment longer and then ascended the stairs. Brett followed a few steps behind until they landed on the upstairs hallway. As they stepped quietly past the children's bedroom door, Brett stopped. He pondered. Hey, go ahead without me. I'll be just a minute. Sherry looked at him, confused. Brett had never entered the kid's room once they had been put to sleep. She wasn't going to fight about it.

Okay, Sherry cracked a slight smile of approval and turned down the hallway towards their bedroom. Brett hesitated at the kid's door, unsure of why he stopped. After a moment, he gently pushed the door open and stepped inside his son and daughter's bedroom. He was immediately immersed in their scent. The smell of his own children permeated the room. It was soft and fresh, almost like laundry detergent, he thought to himself. Careful not to step on any of the toys littering the floor. Brett's eyes strained in the darkness to maneuver to his son's bedside. Carefully he sat down on the small bed, his weight squeezing the child-sized mattress down to the bed frame.

Nathan's body jostled slightly, but he remained in his childlike sleep, deep, innocent. His body splayed across the bed, half of them in the blankets and the other half exposed. Brett sat in the silence, Kelly's bed just a few feet over, her little arms wrapped around her Queen Bee plush toy. Brett reached out and moved a wisp of Nathan's hair off his face. In the dim, Brett could see. see the tiny features of Nathan's face. His little nose, mouth, smooth, youthful skin. Brett wondered what the world held for his wonderful little son, where life would take him. Slowly, Brett moved his hand down to Nathan's chest, placing his large adult hand over Nathan's tiny chest plate and ribs.

He could feel his son's heartbeat thumping slowly against the palm of his hand. It felt good. It felt like life itself. Brett sat there for several moments, his mind full of thoughts, but none more prominent than asking himself why. Why he had never come into his children's room before this night and spent time with them. Sat close to them in their little beds and felt their warmth, their essence. But before that, and other questions could be answered, Nathan suddenly stirred. His head turned and faced Brett, his eyes creeping open sleepishly, staring right up at his father. Brett froze, locked up in shock, never expecting that his son would ever have known he was there.

Without a moment's hesitation, Nathan sluggishly sat up and wrapped his short arms as best he could around his father. He nestled his head into Brett's chest and in a sleepy little child's voice half whispered, You're my daddy. Brett was speechless. He didn't know how to react. The rush of unbridled love that poured through his body was immeasurable. He didn't know the love he had for his child could be so strong. Until, of course, he suddenly felt two smaller arms wrapped around his waist.

Kelly had exited her bed and found him in the dark. She pulled herself up onto Nathan's bed and almost half asleep laid her body against her brothers while still maintaining her grip on Brett. After staring up at her dad for a moment, she reached up, her little fingers stretching to touch her father's chin. Me and Queen Bee love you, Daddy, she said with the tired voice of an angel. Brett gasped a stifle breath and stared down into her round, probing six-year-old eyes. She stared back at him with unfiltered love and adoration,

unaware that hate even existed in the world at her tender age. Brett gently placed his free hand on her forehead, whereupon she closed her eyes and almost instantly faded back into sleep. Brett felt like maybe this is what heaven was like. He sat in the darkness with his children, touching them, holding them, a tear sliding down his cheek. Brett decided in that moment that this was a moment. his reality, that this was the real world, that Kelly, Nathan, and Shelley were his real life.

This is where he belonged. There would be no more trips to the water hose. In fact, in this incredible moment with his kids, he even questioned if any of the water hose moments were real. If maybe he was just overstressed, perhaps entering a midlife crisis he had been told he would have most of his adult life. No, this was real. This is where he was. This is where he was. He was belonged. The water hose was a manifestation of his subconscious. He loved his family, his children, his wife. Whatever they were going through would pass. They would be fine. He just knew it. He was wrong. Wow. There you go, gang. It's getting, it's getting yummy. He's kidding, yummy, starting to sound like some Siberian teens going at it in there.

I hope you enjoyed that. I'd love to hear some feedback from you guys on if you're enjoying this or not. You know, if you're enjoying it, I might throw out some of my other short stories I've been hiding under the hood. Yeah, I got a whole library of them. But I really don't want to inundate you if this is something. You're like, eh, it's too long and annoying, or I'm not really following. it or whatever your writing's not that good or i don't know i've never done this before so your your feedback is important to me if you do have a second to uh to write me at harlan williams

dot com or leave me a phone message at 323 739 4330 i'm not looking for high praise or or uh deep insults but you know any of that works anywhere in between don't sugar Don't try to say anything to make me feel good or don't worry about insulting me. The main thing here is I want to hear honest and real feedback, whether it's bad or good, so that I can kind of get a gauge on whether this is something that you guys would like to hear more of, or you'd just like it to go away. You'd like it to jump off a building like a Siberian teen. I say that moron lad.

Oh, that moron lad, Siberian teen. Anyways, gang, enough of that. Let's get to some announcements here. Hey, hey, hey. Going to be in San Jose. That kind of rhymes. Hey, hey, hey, hey, going to be in San Jose. I should write a song.

Hey, hey, hey, San Jose. Hey, hey, San Jose. So I'll be in that the San Jose Improv, October 20th through the 23rd, that's Thursday through Sunday, the San Jose Improv, the 20th to the 23rd. And then another little announcement, my new TV show, Skylanders. I don't know if any of you have played this video game. It's one of the most popular video games on Planned. at Earth, apparently. Netflix launches Skylanders, the animated series.

I do the voice of Hugo, and the cast includes so many good people. Susan Sarandon, Norm MacDonald, the guy who does voices, did the voice of Stimpy, on Renan Stimpy. I mean, just a real good library of voice talent on Skylanders, and that's going to premiere, that airs October 28th on Netflix. So I hope you all tune in for that. And then more stand-up comedy coming your way in November, November 11 and 12th. I'll be in Denver, Colorado at the Comedy Works, amazing club.

And then I go down to San Diego. That's another song, San Diego, November 17th to the 12th. 20th. I'll be at the American Comedy Company, beautiful great club in San Diego, and it's just announced for Thanksgiving weekend. Let's give thanks for my comedy. The Irvine Improv in Orange County, California. We won't be doing Thanksgiving Day, the 24th, but you're going to be sitting around with your family trying to wonder, what can I do with my family? this weekend. They're all here for Thanksgiving.

Bring them to the Irvine Improv, and I'm going to be doing stand-up comedy there. November 25 through 27, it is going to be awesome, man. We will put a wonderful comedic cap on your Thanksgiving Day holiday at the Irvine Improv at the Spectrum in Orange County, California. that's November 25 to 27. By the way, go to harlandwilms.com, and you can look at all my stand-up comedy dates. They're on there. Just click on the stand-up comedy link.

Don't forget to download the free app, the Harland Highway. It's in your app store. Just go in, type in the Harland Highway. It comes up. You get it for free. It's awesome. You get the latest 50 episodes of the podcast.

If you want to become a premium member For $20 a year, you get all 800 episodes of the podcast, incredible deal, plus my other podcast, don't let's have a fight, plus some stand-up comedy clips live, plus special interviews, plus you get to hear the Garden Hose Time Machine story before regular listeners do. I mean, there's so many reasons to spend $20, A, and help out the podcasting that I do, and be, just, you know, expose yourself to all kinds of more fun, wonderful Harland Highway content. So there you go, everybody.

So glad you were here. Again, sorry for the delay. Thank you for your patience. And we will have the next podcast up and running on time because we are back in the zone. That's it for now. Keep it real in the deal. If you see some kids in a school bus, wave at them, make a fun. funny face, give them a peace sign, let them know that adults are cool too.

And until next time, chicken chowmaine, baby.