The Harland Highway - 822 - Corporal TOM DOWDY on TRUMP. Listener MAIL BAG.

Episode Date: November 28, 2016

Corporal Tom Dowdy calls in to talk about the new president Donald J. Trump. Listener MAIL BAG, and Thanksgiving. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, hey, hey, welcome to the Harland Highway. Yes, welcome, everybody. I am Harlan Williams, your host. Glad to have you here. What a D, D, D, D.D. Delight. What a show today. Corporal lieutenant, Major Tom, Lieutenant, Sergeant, and Arms, Tom Dowdy from the U.S. military is calling in today to weigh in on our new President-elect Trump. It'd be interesting to hear what he has to say. He's a guy in the military, so I'm sure he's going to have a very interesting look and take on Donald Trump. Also, we're dipping into the mailbag today. I had asked you guys if you had ever pulled a food prank on anybody,

and one of our pavement pounders rode in with quite a hilarious food prank that he pulled on one of his friends. So we'll be reading that letter And then also I'm going to talk a little bit Towards the end of the show About how Thanksgiving went And something that I did And I'm going to share with you

And hopefully it's something that you guys can try As the year winds down And on into 2017 I guarantee it'll make you feel good What are you here right at the end of the show So let's do it We're going to feel good right now this is the Harland Highway

What is this Some kind of a joke or something Welcome to the Harland Highway What you're talking about Williams Son, you got a panty on your head Shut up and sit down you big ball fuck Oh God, what's happening here

What's happened? Hey Harland, it's Shelby You just made a wrong turn On to the Harland Highway We choose to go to the moon In this decade and do the other thing Not because they are easy But because they are hard

That is fantastic. That's wrong with everybody in this crazy place. The Harland Highway. What is it? Opening. To what? To another dimension. This is Harland Williams.

You're a bad man. You're a very bad man. That is fantastic. Letters. Mailman, mailman, mail today Reach right in and pull one out Those letters, I love those letters Let's find out what you've got to say

Oh boy Mailman Mail today Oh yes, here we go The only place in the world That has emails That actually sound like real paper Let's start with this.

This looks like a great letter. I asked you guys to write or call in. You know, I told the story on the last podcast about tricking my friend into eating the bulls testicles at a fine restaurant. And I asked you guys, the pavement pounders, if you had any stories where you tricked someone into eating something or you had been tricked into eating something. and we have a letter here from Kyle C. Kyle C. Kyle says, Great story about the prairie oysters.

Props to Eddie for still eating them after he found out what they were. Yes, I do have to give Eddie props after he found out he ate one more. Kyle says it reminded him of this story. Kyle says, Back when I was in middle school, a friend and I were playing basketball out on the street at my parents' place. After we were done playing, we walked into the house and I offered him something to drink. I saw a box of slim jims in the snack drawer and a bag of something else that looked similar in a different part of the room.

I instantly put this idea in my head. I started eating a slim gym and made sure he saw me doing it and asked if he wanted one as well. Without him noticing, I grabbed the similar looking snack from the other bag and handed him one of those. we were then both enjoying our, quote, slim gyms. About halfway through him eating his, I started to laugh and showed him the bag of pup peroni dog treats I had behind me. Oh, my God. Confused at first, he quickly put the pieces together, spit out the rest of his,

and I forget what he said, but I do remember getting arm punched, which I probably deserved. Yeah, probably. We did laugh about it afterwards, and he did admit they weren't bad tasting at all before I revealed to him what it really was that he had been eating. Thankfully, he never retaliated. So, paparoni dog treats look, as you said, exactly like Slim Jims. And I bet they do taste fairly similar, but you never want to eat anything that's, quote, unquote, a dog food treat, right?

So good work, Kyle. Yeah, that's a good one. I like that. I might have to try that. Kyle ended his email to me. He says, Hope you have a happy Thanksgiving. Thanks for keeping us laughing.

Thanks for creating the Harland Highway Plodplast. Thanks for being so cool. And thanks for getting the turkey song stuck in my head. I know that thing's addictive, man. That's why I play it every year. Having a blast binge listening to the premium archives, yours truly Canary Pickle. P.S. Skylanders is great. Very nicely animated, great voice talent, and it got me laughing quite a bit. Love the Hugo character. Ha, hope to see more of Hugo next season. Well, thank you very much.

That's a great email. Thank you for sharing your story, Kyle C. I always love getting letters. Another letter for my Christmas Day. You can always write to me at harloweems.com, although the website is down at the moment. We're doing some upgrade, some renovations, some tweaks. So hopefully the website, harloweems.com, will be back up next week. And then once it is, you can get on there and write me some letters too, if you so desire. And speaking of strange foods, well, this food isn't very strange, but it's a food we probably, most of us consume every week.

We all eat bread unless you don't eat bread and then you don't eat bread. But I guess we have an interview today. I don't know why we have this interview, but I don't know really why we do anything on this podcast. We have an interview with a loaf of white bread in the studio sitting on the edge of my desk here is a loaf of white bread. I've been asked to interview it, so here we go. Hello. Hello, loaf. Okay, not really sure what that means. So how's everything?

Are you doing good? Are you working? Okay, you know, Roger, do you have any questions for loaf, the loaf of bread? I don't know what to, do you like toast? Okay, okay, take it easy, take it easy. um how's how's everything how's everything at the bakery have you how's english muffin how's potato bread how's what i'm not i don't know what you're saying i good lord um do you have a yeast infection i don't know What should I ask?

Are you excited about the Super Bowl Christmas? Donuts? Do you have any donut friends you'd like to talk about? Okay. You know what? This is ridiculous. I don't know why, where this came from that I had to interview a loaf of bread, but what?

No, I don't know, I, I don't understand a word you're saying, loa for bread. I'm sorry, but I think I'm going to end it right here. I'm, I'm just out of things to ask you. Thank you for being here. I hope you have a great day. I hope you have some toast, some donuts. I'll see you at the grocery store. Get them out.

Jesus. I mean, to the people upstairs know that I'm, doing a podcast and I'm competing with other podcasts. Like, seriously. I mean, anyone listening is going to immediately flip to a different podcast when I'm here interviewing a loaf of freaking bread, man. Can we get some real guests sometime or someone is... What?

Yeah, there's someone on the hotline. Good, put them through. I'll take anyone over a freaking loaf of bread. Hello? Hey, everybody. Who wants to have better sex? No? Yes? Yes. The answer is yes. You always want to have better sex. That's what you want it to be better, not worse. Trust me. And Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item plus free shipping. And more than that, Adam and Eve wants to make your life easy. They offer discrete shipping as your privacy is a priority. Plus 100% free shipping on your entire order. Doesn't matter. matter how much you spend or what you buy, all will be packaged and sent discreetly for free and fast. Don't wait. Better Sex is just a click away. That's 50% off, one item, and free shipping. Bring more pleasure and satisfaction into your bedroom. Just go to Adam and Eve.com and select any one item. It could be an adventurous new toy or anything you desire. Just enter the offer code

Harland to check out. That's Harland, H-A-R-L-A-N-D at Adam and Eve.com. This is an exclusive offer specific to this podcast. So, be sure to use this code Harland so you get your discount and 100% free shipping. Code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. Hello. Hello, civilian. Hello? Hello, civilian. This is Cro-Broll left-event. Major Tom Dowdy from Camp Pendleton, United States Marines, California. Oh, hello, Corporal, Lieutenant, First Officer, Corporal Tom Dowdy. How are you today, sir? I am good.

Fantastic. Civilian, thank you for asking, and I am good to go. I'm sorry, sir? I will repeat myself. I am good to go. Ah, great. Well, thank you for checking in, Colonel Dowdy. It's always nice to hear from a man from the service with such an esteemed track record as yourself. Thank you, civilian. I appreciate the accolades. Yes, sir. And what's going on in your world today?

Well, it's not just my world, and it's the whole world. As you know, it is with great pride. It is with great fanfare that I am happy to celebrate the new president of the United States, Donald,

John, Trump. Yes, we do have a new, President coming in, that is correct. That is correct, sir. That is correct. And what is it about Donald Trump that excites you, Lieutenant Colonel First Sergeant, Staff, Master Dowdy? Familiarian, for the last eight years,

we have had a panzy commander chief. Whoa, whoa, whoa, those are strong words, sir. Yeah. Well, I also have strong B-O-B-O-B-O-B-O in my under arms. What? I have strong body odor in my armpit, Civilian. What is that got to do with anything? What it means, civilian, is that our last commander-in-chief stunk like a dirty armpit with a slice of craft cheese in it. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

It's about time that we had a commander-in-chief who's getting ready to kick some serious ass all over planet Earth. Well, now, see, that that's a bit of an aggressive stance, sir. The United States of America has appeared in weak over the last eight years under the command of Barack Hussein Obama. Okay, you know. And now that he is exiting the White House, the United States of America will finally have a commander-in-chief who wants to put some serious army boots on and kick some royal French-fried ass cheeks.

Sir, you know, that just sounds a little, you know... A little, what, civilian? The world is a dangerous place, and it's up to the United States. of America and all its military personnel to keep the shit in line. Okay, if you could just watch your language, sir. Somebody's got to keep the shit in line, and here's how it's going to go down to the villain.

Okay. President Donald, John, Trump is going to rain down like hellfire on ISIS. the Taliban, Al-Qaeda, North Korea, South Korea, Vietnam, China, Japan, Afghanistan, Afghanistan, Quebec. Hold on, some of these places you're naming, sir, are not even enemy combatants. I'm not finished civilian. We are going to take out South Carolina. We are going to take out Greenland.

Most of South America needs to be eradicated. And as we all know, Russia is on a royal fucking shit list. Sir, we are not going to attack. We're not going to take out Quebec. We are not going to take out South America. And why South Carolina? And while I'm at it, let's say adios, to Minnesota.

A bunch of fucking toilet paper sucking whores up there. Whoa, whoa, whoa, sir. What is... Minnesota is a state that voted for Hillary Clinton. And they deserve to be fucking annihilated with all the nuclear capabilities we have in our arsenal. Wait, you're talking about nuclear bombs raining down on... On Minnesota.

Let's turn the twin cities into twin fucking mushroom clouds. How about that? You panty-sucking, sheep-herting, fucking nostril-picking garbage collector from fucking Chinatown. What? What? You heard me, civilian. Now, either we start getting tough in the United States of America, or we might as well find a glory hole at a truck stop and stick our own heads through it

and get sucked off by Vietnam. Why do you keep going back to Vietnam, sir? I'm afraid Vietnam has liberated Vietnam. Vietnam is a place where I gave up six years of my life, civilian. There's still skin from my knees somewhere in the jungle. There's still sweat pouring down a river in the middle of Vietnam. They came off of my forehead. My left nut is buried in the Vietnamese jungle

After I stepped on a landmine And my testicle flew through the air Hit a monkey in the forehead And landed in the mouth of a five-year-old crying Korean baby Sir, they're not Korean, they're Vietnamese Whoopi do Whoopi fucking do You get my left nut back

And I'll straighten out the way I talk Sir, you know what, sir, you're just talking gibberish, and I don't see how Donald Trump is going to control the whole world. Libya is out of control. There's areas... Let me tell you how he's going to do it. Have you ever seen that fucking golden fleece on the top of his head? What his hair? You nailed it, so there in that beautiful golden hair.

What about his hair, sir? You take that thing up in an helicopter, a black hawk. You cut it all off and you fold it up and you put it in a black hawk. You fly over any war zone, any active theater of war. Okay. And you drop that hair down like a giant golden spider web. What are you talking about? That hair drops on the enemy combatant up in the field.

There's so much gel on that golden fucking hair. It's like sucking a bag of pudding right through a frozen rhinoceroses clit hole. What? What is that? What? Now, have you ever seen a fly in a spiderweb, civilian? Yes, I've seen flies in a spider web. Well, visit this.

Visit this tour of Stavillian. Imagine a bunch of members of ISIS Running around like the little sand goblins they are Watch it, sir All of a sudden from out of the sky Comes a giant golden fucking spider web Covered with hair gel so sticky A fucking bandgill player

And an East Indian rice cook-off couldn't even get out of it. Where are you getting these references, sir? Imagine ISIS stuck, tangled up like flies in Donald Trump's hair that falls out of the sky from a U.S. chop with Navy seals dropping that stuff from their Blackhawk helicopter right on to the combatants. ISIS tangled up in our commander and chief Donald John. Trump's Golden Spider-Web hair.

We call it Operation Golden Spider-Web, Zillian. Sir, I'm going to let you just breathe it out and calm down. Operation. Golden Spider-Web, Sillian. Oh, yeah. You can just see this. those little ISIS flies squirming in the hair gel trying to get away. And here comes Donald Trump, his naked body all pink and puffy, walking along his own hair

like a spider, like a black widow coming to eat its prey. Oh, you can picture it now. 50 terror cell members from ISIS Trapped in his golden gel hair And here he comes Naked Down on all fours Hand over foot

Foot over hand He's licking his lips His face all pink and puffy His baggy eyes And he's got an appetite for some ISIS meat Okay sir Isis meat are you I think this is just like almost like a fantasy.

I feel like you're talking about a horror movie. Oh, it's going to be a horror movie, Civilian. I would want to be ISIS when Chief Donald J. Trump gets into office because you're going to be on the menu. You're going to be the meat course. You're going to be the appetizer. And you're going to be the goddamn apple crumble dessert. You dirty, shitty, shitty piece up.

Okay, sir. We get it that they're ISIS, but I just don't see this as a strategy. I think we have to go, sir. Oh, somebody's going to go. I says, it's going to go bye-bye. Donald Trump's Golden Spider-Web Air. Operation Golden Spider-Wil and Civilian.

Yes, Colonel Major Tom, Doughty. We've heard Operation Gold and Spiderer. Spider-Web. You nailed it. We're going to get us. We're going to bag us some ISIS meat. Okay. Thank you, sir.

I really think... Who knows, civilian? They might even drop some of that hair on you, you dirty, sweaty, smelly Italian sausage. No boy sucking. All right. Thank you, sir. Goodbye. Sweet and sour, spare rib licking.

Goodbye. And express, spring roll, fucking... Oh, God! Does that guy... Where does he even get his ideas? What a... I don't know if you want... The fact that that guy was in the military at one point is a little frightening.

Good. Hang up, Roger. Jesus, I'm almost missing the loaf of bread, I have to be honest, at this point. I mean, listen, I applaud commander, lieutenant, senior corporals, Tom Dowdy's service to our country. I really do, but I just sometimes think he goes a bit too far and around the bend. Operation Golden, what is it? Golden Spiderweb or something? Yikes. You know, these are the people that, you know, anyone who's not a Trump supporter, this is why they're freaked out about Trump because of this type of rhetoric.

It's a little excessive. It's a little overbearing, if you ask me. Yee, ye, ye, ye, ye. Anyways, let's just move on. Yikes. I want to talk about something that's a little more grounded. little more down to earth. So, you know, Thanksgiving just passed us by. I hope everyone had a great one. And one of the things I did this year that I've done many, many years, you know, over the years

is, you know, I went and had a wonderful dinner with some great friends, you know, a whole bunch of my friends. We all, we do the potluck thing where everyone brings a dish or two. I brought a whole stack of pumpkin pies because I don't cook so I was the pie guy I was like I don't know how to cook let me let me bring the damn pies and then after after the meal I don't know at 7 p.m. I worked my way down to a charity event where I got to serve food for homeless people and like I said this is something I've done on many occasions, but, you know, it's a powerful thing to, to, you know, assist and help and give your time and effort and love and energy to people that need it. And I won't say not as fortunate as you, because who knows who's fortunate and who's not, you know.

But I will say, you know, there's always people that need a helping hand. There's always people that could use a pick-me-up, could use a hot meal, could use a friendly smile, a friendly face, a friendly hello. And, you know, I'm standing there dishing out food for these wonderful people. And part of me is wondering, like, who's getting more out of this, them or me, you know, secretly inside i'm i'm feeling you know how how nice it is how how good it feels to to you know volunteer and give up some time and and and energy to to uh you know assist and help other people that that didn't have a place to go that didn't have food on their table and

uh it's very gratifying and uh as much as i enjoyed it i wanted to share it with you guys And just remind you that, you know, if you get a chance throughout your busy year, you know, if you get a chance at some capacity to go and help someone to, you know, assist at a charity event or hand out some food or maybe at Christmas some toys or, boy, I got to tell you. And I'm not saying this to put myself up on a pedestal. I'm saying this because it might be one of the best feelings in life. It really does feel good when you give or share with other people, especially random people you don't know. And the reason I'm bringing it up is because I think sometimes we forget how important and how good it feels to share.

You know, we all have busy lives. We all have our jobs. We all have our friends, our family, our social events, our sports, our movies, our going out to dinners. and that's all great and good and they all feel good but there's a real special feeling of good you get when you take a little time out of your own life to help contribute to somebody else's life

and so it's just a little reminder that as we approach another year you know if you get a chance just do it because as good as going to a restaurant feels as good as going on a date feels or buying a new car or ordering a steak or going to a great movie, I don't know if anything feels better than really reaching out and helping or assisting a fellow human being.

It's a very powerful feeling inside. I'm convinced it releases like endorphins or whatever. I'm convinced to create some kind of chemical reaction in your body. You know, when they say you fall in love, your body releases chemicals, when you smell food, your body releases chemicals, when you're, when you've been working out, your body releases, I think when you're, when you're charitable and you show love and kindness to random fellow human beings, it's, it's very strong. And so just a little reminder, a little suggestion, a little whisper in your ear. A little, if I could be the little angel in your ear, that if you see an opportunity, if you catch a little moment to reach out and help, I promise you as much as it feels good for the recipients of your kind deeds,

you are going to feel even better inside just for being there and participating and giving yourself to others. So there you go. Just thought I'd drop that. And why don't we close the show on a positive note? I mean, you know, it's definitely better than hearing from a freaking piece of bread. And as much as I like, Commander, Lieutenant, left general commander Tom Dowdy.

Today he was a little, sounded a little aggressive, man. So like I said, hopefully the website is back up this week because I know people want to get on the website and order their Christmas gifts for the upcoming Christmas holiday at our web store. And you can write at harlomwilms.com, you can still call the number. You don't need to be on the website to call them.

and leave a voicemail, if you so desire. 323-739-43-3-3-3-3-3-3-3-3-3-3-3-3-30 is the number. And, you know, say whatever you want to say. It's your forum, man. And that's it. We will leave it there. Don't forget to get your app for your cell phone, the Harland Highway phone app.

Just go to your app store. Type in the Harland Highway. And boom, you get it for, free man uh you get uh 50 episodes the most current 50 episodes of the podcast and uh if you want to become a premium member oh my god uh you get all kinds of free cool stuff extra bonus stuff and uh it's only 20 bucks a year that's the best part so there you go i will leave it right there, gurgleblurgens and schnardlelegans, and hope you had a great Thanksgiving. Thanks again

for being here. Tell your friends to get on the Harlan Highway. And until next time, chicken. Chalmy, baby? A fucking band-jo player and an East Indian rice cook-off. Couldn't even get out of it.