The Harland Highway - 827 - RABBI PAPPENHEIM calls in with holiday greetings. Phone calls from listeners

Episode Date: December 19, 2016

Rabbi Pappenheim calls in with holiday greetings for Harland. Prank UFO calls and listener phone messages. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Toyland, Toyland, dear little girl a ball. All right, enough. Oh, God, I just threw my throat out, trying to sing like Doris Day. Hello, it's not Doris Day, it's Harlan Williams. You are on the Harlan Highway podcast. Welcome, happy holidays, Merry Christmas. So glad to have you here spending time with us. And what a show we have today?

Oh, my God. We have a special holiday guest calling in, Rabbi Pappenheim. He's a friend of ours at the show, lives in the community, and he's apparently calling in to wish us happy holidays and good tidings. So that's all positive good holiday energy. Also, we're going to be making a crank call to Roswell. You know where all the UFOs were spotted back in the 50s and the 60s? We're going to make a call to Roswell and get all UFOy on their asses.

And then towards the end of the show, man, we got some really great phone messages from you guys, the pavement pounders, some real funny ones, some real silly ones. And I'm just playing a whole bunch of them in a row because they're all winners. So thanks for calling in. Thanks for being here. Let's have some holiday fun. This is the Harland Highway.

Where are I? What is this? Some kind of a joke or something? Welcome to the Harland Highway. What you're talking about Williams? Son, you got a panty on your head. Shut up and sit down, you big ball fuck. Oh, God, what's happening here?

What's happening? Hey, Harland, it's Shelby. You just made a wrong turn. On to the Harland Highway. We choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other thing. Not because they are easy, but because they are hard. That is fantastic. That's wrong with everybody in this crazy place.

The Harland Highway. What is it? The opening. To what? To another dimension. This is Harland Williams. You're a bad man. You're a very bad man.

That is fantastic. Thank you for calling Lakeita Hidden Sweets, Roswell. Good morning, Lakinta and Suisse. This is Sandra speaking. How may I help you? Hi, Sandra. How are you today? Good, thank you.

Great. Me and my wife. we're planning a vacation out there and we wondered if we could get a room that could I hope you can guarantee like some UFO noises for us oh okay um she really she really follows the UFO thing and she's very excited about coming to Roswell and was hoping we could you know lay in bed in the morning or at night and hear some UFO sounds like maybe uh I guarantee you that but I know, I can guarantee you you can hear the train go by. Ooh, ooh, no, we were looking for something more like that type.

Yeah. Is there? No, I can't guarantee you you'll hear anything like that. Maybe like something like in that neighborhood or? No. But you can guarantee a train at least. A train, yes. What does that sound like?

Well, just a train passing by. Would you be able to just give me a sample of the sound type of thing so I can tell my wife? Oh, it's just a lot of honking. Could you just, if it would it be possible just to give me a little sample? I don't know how to do that. Just like. Is that type of thing? Yeah.

Oh, okay, and is it extra for that? No. Okay, great. Well, let me talk with my wife and I'll see if she's down for a train noise at least. Okay, yeah. Thank you so much. You're welcome. Bye-bye.

Bye-bye. Oh, good old-fashioned UFO noises, huh? To think. to think they'd try to replace them with a train. Never. Ha, ha, ha. Well, anyhow, any who, any who, how, hoo-ha-ha-ha, he-he. Switching gears here, we're coming close to Christmas, my friends.

Yes, it's coming up very, very quickly, and it's a fun time of year because a lot of times during the holidays we reconnect. We reach out to people that maybe we haven't talked to during the year. We send an email. Maybe we drop a text or a phone call, you know. People that are on the fringe or people that were close to, but we haven't had time for, or just friends in the community, friends all over the globe.

It doesn't matter. I think like me, most of you listening probably make that extra effort to reach out to people just to wish them well. let them know you know they're alive and blah, blah, blah. So Roger, our producer here told me that one of our friends of the show is calling in. Rabbi Pappenheim, obviously of the Jewish faith. The rabbi is a member of the community here. We chat on the phone often about, you know, social issues and things like that.

Sometimes there's been a little miscommunication. I don't know if that's because of our age or because of our age. or because of our different faiths or whatever, but there has been some contentious moments. I think they've been kind of just, you know, mistakes, communication mistakes, but we've always seemed to overcome them and circle back. And this is really nice, right, Roger?

He's on the phone? Okay, good. Well, Rabbi Papenheim apparently just wants to phone in and wish me and all of you guys a happy holiday. So let's put them through. I love this. This is great. Here we go.

A call from Rabbi Papadheim. Uh, yeah, hello, hello. Hello, Holland. How are you today? Oh, hello, Rabbi Papineim. How are you, sir? Well, I'm doing pretty good. I wanted to call.

And, you know, Vishu, how are you going to say, uh, happy, Holidays? Oh, yes, yes. Happy holidays to you, Rabbi Pappenheim. Great to hear from you. Well, I know it's a very festive time of year. The people share their... Are you okay, Rabbi? Yes, I just got the flu that's going around. Everybody's sick. The children are My wife is sick, my aunt is sick, my grandfather he's sick, my grandfather he's sick. Everybody's sick.

Wow. Everybody's sick the band, is what they've done. Okay, so you were calling about the holidays? Yes, it's the festive time of year where we all, we all share a special communion together. Rabbi. I've got the, I've got the flu. Wow, holy God. Are you sure you can continue this phone call?

Well, you're implying maybe I, I, uh, rabbi. Are you implying, I should hang up and not celebrate the holiday shift with you? No, no, no, not at all, Rabbi Papina. I mean, this is great. It's good to hear from you. Well, it's good to hear from you, I guess. It didn't sound like the vomished falcon.

I never had, Holland? Well, no, I was concerned about your cough, and if you are sick, I just thought maybe it's stressful on you to, you know, be on the phone. Well, it sounds like somebody wants me to get the hell off the phone. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, rabbi, please. Well, when somebody says, you know, maybe you shouldn't be on the phone. Maybe that means somebody wants me the hell off the phone. No, no, rabbi, slow down.

No, no, no, let's not get off on the wrong foot here. Now, you said you wanted to talk about celebrating the holidays, with me and so on. Well, I was thinking, Rabbi. I was thinking, maybe as a little holiday, a present,

a little holiday gift, perhaps, you know, I could take you over to the food court at the mall, and, you know, maybe I could take you to lunch at the,

how you want to say the what you want to call it the vegetables how you want to say pretzels what was that rabbi

I said maybe I could take you for lunch over at the how you're going to say vegetables what you want to call it pretzels well did you just

straight in your your throat, rabbi? No, Holland, I'm trying. Rabbi! Good God! But I'm trying to say, Hollandish, how would you like it? If I, Rabbi Papine, I'm doing this festive time of year, during the Christmas and the Hanukkosh,

I take you over to the fruit court, and I treat you. That means I pay for your lunch at Vetchals. How you want to say, pretzels? Are you saying Vetchels? Vetchels, pretzels? Yes. How many times are doing?

Sir, Rabbi, I'm very concerned about you, sir. Now, Holland, tell me, What are you doing for the holidays outside of joining me at the ventral's pretzels? And maybe I'll even whip up a hot cup of gubern and ganache for you. What is it, sir? A gubern and ganache, a wonderful Jewish festival, a day, green garland. Guba gganash. That's right.

Oh, my God, sir. Rabbi, you sound like a velociraptor. Now tell me, what are you doing for the holiday show? Rabbi, I'm just spending my time with my family. We're going to hunker down and just wait out the snow. We're going to hunker down and just spend some quality time together. What did you say, just back it up at a second, Arland? I'm sorry?

If you could just back up, what? If you could just back up, you shed something about down? Yeah, down. No, I said, we're going to hunker down for the... Did you just say bunker down? What, no, I didn't say bunker down. I said, hunker down. Because I'll tell you about, Ireland.

There was somebody else who had a bunker. Somebody who had a bunker a long time ago, and after the atrocities of the Second World War, they shouldn't somebody hid in that bunker. No, no. Wait, what? His name was Adel Hitler? He hid in a bunker after to try and escape the atrocities of the Second World War Island.

No, no, I didn't say bunker. So are you telling me that I'm going to go to the food court at the mall, and I'm going to shit there and break vegetables, pretzels with someone who's a Nazi sympathizer? No, I'm not a Nazi sympathizers, rabbi. No, don't twist my words up. You've done this before. Oliver Shud, and I'm thinking, okay, I'll take my friend a tall hot class of Cuba Ganesh. I'll take him to the food cart.

They'll have some Vetzel's Retzels. And Oliver Shudden, he's telling me about, you know, Adolf Hitler's secret underground, the subpoenae in the chamber world where he escaped the occupied Germany, the soldiers of the Third Brigade of the Devenile. They came after him in the Second World War. He was hiding in a bunker. I don't know what you just said there, Rabbi, I'm sorry.

Well, you know, maybe you want to read a history book. because this is a lot of how they say out in Oklahoma, a load of steaming pile bullshit. No, no, no. Can we just get back to you taking me for lunch and us celebrating and you're going to have a glass of Uga Ganesh? Well, you know, how about a big hot glass of go fuck yourself, Holland? Okay, because I'll be goddamned if I spend the Christmas in Hanukkah holidays

buying a vegetables flat shows at the food court for someone who likes Hitler. I do not like Hitler, sir. I said me and my family are going to hunker down. There it is again. Oh, my God. You know, instead of a whole cup of fuck you, how about a big punch bowl full of pot delicious? Fuck you go to hell on Christmas, you shut of a bitch.

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Have fun. Don't throw your back out. If you believe that you may have experienced a UFO sighting, please leave your name, location, and telephone number. Maybe like something like in that neighborhood? No. Hello? Hello? Hey, Harland.

It's Al from Alberta's calling you. I was listening to your episode with the Dix and the BJ store signs. And we kind of had something like that in Whitehall here in Pennsylvania, except for the sign read Dix, and above it there was a giant shopping center. So when you drove by, there was a sign that said Giant Dix. So just figured you'd get a little bit of a kick out of that relate to your episodes. Keep it up. Chicken Chalmain, baby.

Hello. Yeah, just listened to the podcast about Dicks and BJs. I don't know if California has this place. It's called the Tilted Kilt, and it's like Hooters with these women dressed, you know, very sexually in a short kilt. But every time I see that tilted kilt, I just think, you know, tilted clit. And, yeah, yeah, all these places just keep maiming themselves after these, you know, crazy sexual references. All right, man, chicken chummy. Thank you for calling Romantics, where it's going to be a great night.

This is Whitney who can help you? Oh, hey, Whitney. How are you today? Good. You? Great. So here's my situation. First of all, you guys carried dildos, right?

Yes. So I had to go in for a surgery. It's a little embarrassing. I won't go into the details. But so it was in the groin area, and so I haven't been able to take care of my wife lately. Uh-huh. um so do you have a dildo that bends to the left because i'm not able to service my wife and my penis when i get an erection goes left and so she wants a left bending dildo i don't know

if you have those not specifically we just have a lot of flexible ones so if you come in we can actually go through a bunch of different options is it possible to would you guys if i if i paid a little extra could you put one like jam it in the door wedge overnight and just try and bend it for me like to the left they they don't work that way they won't they won't bend no no they're all just flexible if you come in i'll kind of show you what i mean okay okay thanks for your help thank you tilter clit she wants a left bending dildo tilt a clip left bending dildo tilt her clit Arlin, pal, this is your old pal Stevie. Hey, look, I have two different car loogie stories.

One, many years ago when we was all teenagers and my buddy Dougie got a brand, well, it wasn't brand new, it was new to him. But he got a 69 GTO and this thing was fat out of hell. It was the fastest car, all that. And the first day, he picked up me and two other guys and the four of us went out to go party somewhere and he's driving on the highway and he's going through the gears so fast and we get off the highway and as we're making a turn doggy hawks the biggest loogie in the world out his window on the driver's side only he had the driver's side window up and again it was

it was like it looked like you know when you see an egg splight against the wall of a big goopy shitty looking thing well that's what it looked like so many years later I was driving with my family and I have two daughters and they were both five and six years old at the time and I had a big Chevy Caprice Classic like an old cop car clip and remember I remembered this happening to my buddy Dougie years before so I had to make a big lugie I had a hawk a big loogie and I hacked it out the window see now I I remembered to roll down the window and we were we were going on a road where it wasn't a highway, but it was a four-lane road, and we were going pretty fast, Clit.

And we were making a turn towards the left, and I let out a big hock and Lugie, and I let it fly out the window. Because I knew if you built the window up, Clit, you know, you get a window full of Lugie. So I spit it out the window, and guess what happened? It flew into the back window and got my daughter all over her face. I had a loogie fly out at 60 miles an hour, it lit, out of my car, and then back into the car in the wheel window, and it closed her eye with it. It actually hurt her, but such a healthy loogie. So you've got to be careful with the loogies.

Thanks, Farland, and happy holidays to you, buddy. Oh, my God. Awesome stories, man. Oh, my God. I love the story with your buddy Dougie, man. I can just picture you guys rolling around. My buddy, Dougie. Right, just you and your buddy duggie rolling around in that hot rod,

your other buddies, probably had your hair down to your shoulders, you're like Iron Maiden, Deaf Leopard T-shirts, right? Oh, I can just picture it. That's hilarious. And then the big hot rod, the big new hot rod, just pride and glory. Got it out on the street for the first time. puts the loogie right inside the window, like a jellyfish. Oh, man, I love it.

And then your poor daughter, oh, my God. Right? The loogie, like, you spit it out the window. It flies out, but then it turns into a boomerang loogie. It's like supposed to go way out there, and it swirls back and comes right back in the back window boomerang right in your daughter's face oh man 60 miles yeah that's going to hurt man you can take an eye out kid oh my god those are hilarious stories i love the i love the signs the tilted clit and the huge dicks we're getting some great great phone calls man

happy holidays to you too in fact i think we got a holiday phone call let's play that Harland. This is Pod Guy from the Pod Couple podcast, and Podgal said to me that you were throwing out all your Christmas stuff. I say, don't throw that stuff out. You can give it to us. Right? We're great Christmas. We're, yeah, we collect vintage stuff, so if you got some good stuff, we're interested. And we'll post some pictures on our Instagram. And we'll post some pictures for you on our Instagram, I guess. and we don't want the stuff if it's haunted, because if it's haunted, we don't want it, okay? All right, Harlan. Thanks. Bye.

Wow. How about that? It's Pod Guy from the Pod Couple podcast. I don't know that podcast, but now you're exposed to it. So go listen to it. See what it is. I don't know what it is. Now I'll have to go listen to it. But I like it. They left me a message. Pod Guy and Podgirl.

like a superhero team or whatever um but yeah you would like my old christmas before we do before i answer are you guys thinking what i'm thinking before i get into the christmas decorations thing you're the everyone everyone listening is thinking what i'm thinking right because of pod guy's voice right you're doing you're doing the math here you're you're you're thinking what i'm thinking that you just have to hear this to get to Right? I have to put two voicemails together because we just have to hear these two together. Here it is. Here's what we're all thinking. Boom. Hey, Harland. Um, clit. Yeah, just just had to hear that. I had to hear those two together. Hey, Harlins. Clit. Um, clit, um, clit, clit, um, clit, um, clit, right? Right. Yes. We had to hear that. Um, but now let's address your, your Christmas decoration.

request. Hey, by the way. Hey, Harlan. Hey. I just, you know, the stuff I got rid of is not vintage. It's cheap and it's tacky and it has no real cool factor or vintage edge to it or some of it was just old lights. Some of it was like a little bit of signage. some of it was like little

you know Christmas bulbs but none of it was vintage I'm into that stuff I like the vintage Christmas stuff I actually had when I was a kid when my grandfather died

I had to go through their house down into their basement and I found these really old Christmas lights that had like cups around them like plastic cups plastic cups plastic cup shells that went around the colored lights and on these outer shells were vintage Mickey Mouse and Donald and Minnie Mouse like like you know illustrations so these were like

early early Walt Disney memorabilia and I think I you know I had them up for a little while and I think I threw them out I didn't realize their significance because I was a kid I didn't really know but boy do i wish i had those back they're probably worth some money too but yeah don't don't worry pod guy and pod girl uh none of the stuff that i got rid of is really worth anything and it probably is haunted right but if you do want something kind of cool and vintagey um you might want to look at a new website i just put up um it's called rustin bullets dot com Check it out, Rust and Bullets.com. And it's kind of weird.

It's like I drive around, I go out into the desert, I go on these road trips to who knows where, and I specifically look around for really cool old objects that have been shot or are bullet-related or rusty or, and it takes a lot of looking, it takes a lot of digging around. but I find what I hope is the coolest stuff. And these are really cool mementos, you know, that have been like left out in the desert to die.

You know, some of these artifacts I found have probably been laying in the desert for like 40, 50 years. But, you know, I've kept a couple of them, and they're really cool. If you put them as a decorative piece in your living room or on your mantle or even on your desk at work or your desk at home, they're really cool. because each of the pieces I find tells a story,

at least I believe they do, they're shop full of holes, they're old, they're rusty, you just kind of look at them and they kind of take you away to another place. So if you want some vintage, like historic old memorabilia, go to RustinBullets.com, and we have a little store there. You can order stuff and you can get the vibe of the whole.

whole website. I don't think there's anything like it out there, and I'd be interested to see what you think. You might even see something on there you like. We ship it out to you, and that's the best I can offer. I'm sorry, no vintage Christmas trinkets. And also, I'd also like to mention I've put up a new page on my regular website, harlandwilums.com. I added a new page. If you go on there, you'll see it says voice. And basically I created a whole page that a lot of people don't know that I do a lot of

voice work. I do a lot of voices for cartoons, for movies, for TV shows. A lot of really fun, cool voice work. And if you go in and look at the new page, you can kind of see some of the cool stuff

I've done. You can play some clips, see some of the cartoons, some of the movie clips. And, And it's really fun. And the reason I did it is because, you know, when I'm out and about in the world, people are always surprised or they ask me, have you ever done voice work? Have you ever done any cartoon voices?

And the reality is I've done quite a bit. I mean, I didn't put everything I've ever done on this page, but I took some of the more prominent voice work jobs I've done and put them on the voice page at harloweems.com. So if you want to just check it out and see what that's all about, it is there. And also, like I said, check out Rust and Bullets.com and see if you find an interesting little vintage keepsake that you might like sitting on your desk that tells a weird, interesting story. And there you go. Wow.

We got right down at the end of the podcast, but great phone calls today, man. Oh, my God. So funny. The Lugies, the crazy signs, the haunted gifts, the clits. Clit, right? Right. Right. Love getting phone calls.

If you guys want to leave any type of a message, the number is 323-739-4330. 3-2-3-739-43-30. That number is at the website, harlunwiliams.com. So when you're in there, when you're in there looking at the voice, uh the new voice page i've put up in the menu bar uh you can remember that phone number and you can uh phone in and uh leave your own message about haunted christmas ornaments or clits or whatever you want man love hearing from you guys you can also write me at harloweems dot com and also check out our merchandise store at harlewiliams dot com all kinds of fun

merchandise and uh groovy groovy stuff so um this is This is our, you know, our second last podcast before the big holiday, before Christmas. So I want to wish you guys a Merry Christmas and a happy holidays and a happy Hanukkah and a Kwanza and everything else. I don't know all the names of the religious holidays. So I'm just going to lump it all in under Happy Holidays, wishing you all the best. And we'll have some more Christmas fun on our next podcast just before the big. day, all right? So thanks for being here, everybody. Don't forget to get our free app for your phone. Just go right into your app store, type in the Harland Highway, and boom, you can download it

absolutely free and listen to the podcast everywhere you go. All right, so there you go. Merry Christmas, happy holidays, and until next time, Chicken, Chalman, baby. closed her eye with it. It actually hurt her with such a healthy loogie.