The Harland Highway - 828 - Zsa Zsa Gabor's death. WALLY the ELF. Harland sings Xmas song.

Episode Date: December 22, 2016

Zsa Zsa Gabor's death is talked and sung about. A young listener calls for WALLY the ELF. Harland sings an Xmas carol. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ho, ho, ho. Welcome to the Harland Highway. Oh, my gosh. This is our last show before Christmas. Oh, my God. The big day's coming up. So today, of course, will be very Christmas themed, but there's one little kind of weird wrench thrown into the works today. A famous celebrity who's been around for a long time. I think she was 99 years old. Jaja Gabor has died.

And so we're going to pay a little tribute to her. You'll see why in a minute there's some weird musical stuff that you're going to hear. And you might shut the podcast off once you get to that and not even get to the back end. But then later on in the podcast, I'm going to sing another song to you. I'm going to sing you guys a Christmas carol.

I do that sometimes at Christmas. I can't promise it'll sound good. But I'm going to do it because I love you guys. And then, of course, we got a wonderful call from a little girl, one of the pavement pounders' daughters, called in and had a question for Wally the Elf, Santa's top elf, who's working away up in the North Pole. So we're going to make a quick phone call to Wally the Elf,

and it's just going to be all Christmassy and Jaja-E. So put on your hat and your gloves. Here we go. This is the Harland Highway. Where are I? What is this, some kind of a joke or something? Welcome to the Harland Highway. What you're talking about Williams?

Son, you got a panty on your head. Shut up and sit down, you big ball fuck. Oh, God, what's happening here? What's happened? Hey, Harland, it's Shelby. You just made a wrong turn. On to the Harland Highway. We choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other thing.

Not because they are easy, but because they are hard. That is fantastic. That's wrong with everybody in this crazy place. The Harland Highway. What is it? Opening. To what? To another dimension.

This is Harland Williams. You're a bad man. You're a very bad man. That is fantastic. I am just a simple Hungarian girl, really. Okay, really weird way to start the show today. You know, it's the holidays. It's Christmas.

It's the last podcast before Christmas, but this just kind of dropped in my lap. If you hadn't heard Jaja Gabor passed away just a couple of days ago, God rest her soul. And many of you might not remember Jaja Gabor, but many of us do. Many of us grew up on her and her sister. They were these extravagant Hungarian women, beautiful, blonde, pointy noses, high cheekbone. big full lips, very beautiful. And they were actresses with thick Hungarian accents. And let me play a little bit about Jaja Gabor and her life.

And this might help illuminate it a little bit for you. The actress had been a Hollywood fixture for more than 60 years. Long before the Kardashians, she and her sisters Magda and Eva, who starred in Green Acres, were famous for being famous. Zhaja's probably best known for her role in the 1952 classic Moulon Rouge. But it was her love life that made the most headlines. She had romances with Frank Sinatra and Sean Connery and married nine times.

I used to be terribly jealous of the man I love. And when they looked at somebody else, he got a divorce. In 1989, Zaja was in the news. for slapping a Beverly Hills police officer in the face after a traffic dispute. She poked fun at her role in the incident during a guest appearance on The Fresh Prince of Bel Air. There is something that I'm just dying to know. Yes, I did it, and he deserved to be slept. There was no one quite like Jaja Gabor.

So now you're going, what the hell does this have to do with us, Harland? We want to hear the podcast. Well, here's what it has to do in a strange twist of fate years ago. Like, I'm talking maybe 15 years ago, maybe 20, I don't know, multiple years ago. You might know this or you might not. Me and my cousin Kevin have a little hobby band called The Cousins. I'm going to tell you more about that after this story. But one night we were just improvising, and the one night we were just improvising.

and the way Kevin and I usually write our songs is he'll just start playing something. Like he'll just start a beat or a piano riff or a guitar riff or a drum riff, whatever. And I'll just start singing. I don't know how, but stuff pops into my head and I just let it flow. I don't stop it.

I just kind of try to follow the music or he follows me or I don't know how we do it, but somehow we come up with these songs. And for whatever reason, I got Jaja Gabor in my head. And when she died the other day, Kevin emailed me, and he said, look what I found. And it was one of our old songs about guess who?

Jaja Gabor. Somehow I just went off on her. And so I thought, since she just died as a tribute to Jaja Gabor, we will play this ridiculous song. I think it's about two minutes long. It's silly and stupid. It's probably not even good, but I just thought it would be a fun thing to play, and not in a mocking way, but just as a way to celebrate her life,

the fact that she became famous, that somehow she resonated with people all over the world. She got stuck in our heads, and so this is just a silly, fun tribute, and a celebration of Jaja Gabor. Oh, here we are. Everybody's looking at it. I love blonde women. Yes, there's a white blonde hair like the snow on the top of Mount Everest or Kilimanjada. But there's one blonde in particular that I must get my hands on for both Friday and noon.

No music, you know what I don't know. Ja, ja, go for. Oh, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja. Ja, yeah, ja. I must have you now. Oh, little ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, yeah, ja. Yeah, yeah, ja, ja. Come and have a Swedish meatball with me up my whole thick.

Home and house massage with me at my Swedish house Has some fisherlid chicken with me and my little hat singing ja ja ja ja ja ja ja ja ja ja ja ja ja ja come and love me now ya ya ya ya ya ya call in love me now you little turkish lady You're not very turkets, you're a Swedish little Bolshevish. Oh, you jump in Highland, Iceland and Finland and Finland. Jaya come everywhere in the world, aren't you now? Hello, ja, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, ya, ja, ya, ja, ja, ja, ya, ja.

Ja, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Everywhere I go, I look for blonde women, but nothing is so white as a white-headed woman. Zaja got a white head, knock a little black hat She and she come again, they are, ya, a little better,

Zaza, ya, ya, ya, yeah, yeah, yeah. Come in see me, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Jaja, yeah, yeah, yeah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, I've got a little bippy, dig a space street. Wow. Okay. Now you see why that song's been buried for 20 years. It never would have heard the lie today unless, you know, Zsaja had died. And as bad as it is, be honest. How many of you, for the rest of the day, are probably going to be going in your head? Jaja, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know you are.

it's that annoying or it's that good or it's that stupid whatever you want to call it ja ja ja oh my god enough so there it is and then going on to more serious matters with the music that me and my cousin do for those of you that don't know my cousin Kevin

is a member of the bare naked ladies he's the keyboard player and plays a lot of the guitar and he was also the bandleader of Lou Reed, the great Lou Reed. You know, Lou Reed, take a walk on the wild side. He was Lou's band leader about the last five years of Lou's life when Lou was touring. Lou just really took his shining to Kevin and all his musical talent and asked Kevin to be his bandleader and Kevin went on tour with him.

Kevin was touring with the bare naked ladies and Lou Reed, and now there's a guy and a huge band in Canada called The Tragically Hip. I think his name's Gord Downey. I'm not in the know because I left Canada when those guys kind of popped, but I think his name's Gord Downey's the lead singer of the Tragically Hip, and sadly he got a life-ending, brain tumor and sadly they they think he's just got days or months to live and gourd who was the frontman of this hugely incredibly insanely popular canadian rock bank on the tragically hip asked my cousin

Kevin to be the band leader for his final tour his kind of final songs before he passes on to the next life a huge honor but also sad and just morbid in a way and just tragic but interesting that gourd would single out my cousin to want to be part of that and it's a it's a testament to my cousin's talents i mean he's just such an amazing musician and ah i could go on and on about how good he is But for years, Kevin and I have been making songs and music and just kind of doing it for fun, down in the basement, you know, kicking it around. And we finally decided, you know, to go into the studio. We decided to go into the studio and really make some real songs

because we started to feel like we were kind of putting some good stuff together, some good sounds, some good music. And what we do is Kevin, you know, writes all the music. And I write all the lyrics and kind of make up the songs, just like I told you here as we go along. You know, we play and sing back and forth and just find the sound. And it's really fun, and I think we've come up with some good songs. So, long story short, God, we are releasing a real album in 2017 called Rattlesnake Love, which is one of the songs on the album, really cool song on the album.

little snake love. So keep your eye on my social media and we will be setting up a website and we will be having an Instagram and a Twitter and a Facebook and you're going to be able to download our songs on iTunes and other various places. So very exciting. Some really cool music coming your way and hopefully you guys like it. So I'll leave it there. R.I.P. Jaja Gabor. And while I'm at it. We send our best wishes and prayers to Gord Downey, the lead singer of the Tragically Hip. Oh, my God. Just such a tough thing to see. It's a tough thing to go through. And we wish him every prayer, every bit of the best at this point in time, okay? Especially during the holidays. So let's get on to some more fun stuff here. Let's celebrate the holidays and let's get

Let's get holiday egg-noggy and nutty, shall we? Hello. Hello. Grace, you're six years old now, and I have the phone number to Wally, who is Santa's grumpy elf. What do you want to say to Wally this year? I just my baby brother. Isaac is your baby brother. He's 16 months. What else? um and i did 21 year old

and what else do you have a question for santa or for wallet what does rudolph look like what does rudolph look like you don't say buy the wallet bye bye there it is Merry Christmas

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Have fun. Don't throw your back out. Wow, Merry Christmas. Roger, you didn't tell me we had a little kid calling in about Wally. Wally, the Christmas elf. You know, we had Wally on the show like a few weeks ago. and he gets He's the head elf

Santa's head elf up in the North Pole and he gets fired up around this time of year I don't know do we call him we kind of have to right I mean when a little kid calls into the Harlan Highway and he wants to she wants to hear from Wally we can't let Grace down I mean she's just a six-year-old cute little girl

she's all fired up about you know get Wally on the line. Get, well, I finish this. Roger, get them on the line. We're going to do it. We're going to, just for you, Grace, and all the other kids, the parents that have their kids, you know, Christmas is like in two days, and we're going to do it, man. Like three days.

It's in three days. We have to call Wally the Christmas elf. So you got them? Oh, good. Okay. So here we go. Let's hope he's not. too animated, too crazy, and

patch them through. Here we go. Yes, Wally the Christmas elf. Uh, hello, Wally, hello. Hello? Yes, Wally the elf? Hello? Yeah, yes.

How are you, Wally? How am I? How do you think I am? Or like two, three days before Christmas. I'm busier than Oprah Winfrey than all you can eat golden corral buffet. Oh, yes, I understand Wally. It must be a very hectic time for you.

Hectic isn't even the word. This is like, you know, watching Oprah Winfrey through a pound cake at a, you know, a kilogram festival. Okay, I don't know what that means, but, Wally, we had a question. Hold on a second. Melvin, Melvin, you take the fruit cake out of your leotards. No, it's going to get sticky in your leotards like you did last year.

take the fruit cake out of your lid hello yes we're here wally yeah what can i do for you i'm really busy we're putting all the toys together i understand wally listen uh i know you're you're on a tight schedule one of our our little callers called in a really cute little girl okay what am i supposed to do smoke a cigar in the back room um again i'm not sure what that means wally i'll tell you Hang on a second. Melvin? I'm telling you, get off the ceiling fan. Stop twirling around and are you urinating? Oh my God. Get the hell off of there. Pull your leotards up. What do you want? One of our little listeners, Grace, she's a six-year-old girl. Okay, I'm listening.

And she wanted to know what Rudolph looked like. Rudolph. You mean the reindeer? Yes, Wally. Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer? Oh, my God. Well, you know, it's a deer. It looks like a reindeer. I know, but is there anything? You know, it's a, think of a skinny moose, all right? Think of a moose that, you know, got some kind of eating disorder. It's like a moose, and it's thinner. It's got, you know, it's got, maybe it's got the thyroid disease or something, you know, it's like a thin moose. A thin moose

You know It's got handlers on its head It's like it's got a bumpy head It's got little spots You know It's got a light bulb on its face I mean you can't miss the damn thing That's right

Rudolph the red nose reindeer Has a red nose that glows Yeah that's right Just think of a you know Think of them as a you know Think of as a reindeer that snorted too much coke all right? Wally?

Well, what do you want me? I'm trying to work here. Well, I know, but... Anorexia. What was that, Wally? Anorexia, you know, bulimia. That's what you think of Rudolph as a moose with anorexia. You know, picture him sitting there eating a bundle of hay, you know, stuff in his face.

He runs into the, you know, the backyard and throws it all up. And I think of a, you know, he's a fat moose, but he's like a thin little reindeer now. Well, that's a bit extreme. Hey, hang on a second. Hey, hey, Alexander, get the hell off that Christmas tree and stop sucking on the bulbs. They don't go in your mouth. You don't suck on Christmas bulbs, Alexander. What's the matter with you?

Get back to work. Finish that teddy bear over there, you idiot. Hello? Yes, Wally. Uh, yeah, the little girl wanted to know about, uh, uh, uh, the little girl wanted to know about, uh, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer? Yeah, well, I think I just about covered it. Listen, I got lots of work to do.

If you don't mind, just, you know, put on some Karen Coppenter songs and then try and envision, you know, if Karen Coppenter was a reindeer, that's what Little Red Riding or it is. I think you mean Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer, Wally. Whatever. You just, Merry Christmas. Tell the little girl, Merry Christmas. Wally the Elf loves her, Santa says he loves her, and have a very happy holiday.

Well, thank you very much, Wally. This was a wonderful call. I'm sure you're going to make this girl's just make her Christmas with your wonderful words. Hang on a second. Melvin, I'm going to tell you for the last time, you did not put the candy cane up there. No, no, you're going to, it's going to sting like a motherhap. I got a girl. Yeah, well, you better go, Wally.

It sounds like it's a little out of control there. All right, Merry Christmas from Wally the Elf, okay? All right, thank you, Wally. Thank you. Melvin! Oh, my gosh. Wow, Wally, I hope that answered, I hope that answered the question for that beautiful little girl.

Six-year-old Grace, you know, if you're listening, boy, you know, Wally, the way he described is think of a, well, wait a minute now. Think of a bulimic moose with anorexia purging in the backyard so that it looks like a thin moose with a cocaine problem. Wait a minute. No, you know, you know, Grace, let me fill in here. You know, Wally was clearly busy.

Wally was, was, was, he's overworked, he's stressed, he's probably building toys for you, Grace. So, so let me explain. Rudolph is a wonderful brown reindeer with a little white fluffy tail and little black beady eyes, full of joy and love, and right on the end of his, on the end of his snout, his nose, there's a little red glowing light, a little ball of ray of light that can, help Rudolph go through snowstorms and blizzards and just wonderful. So I hope that that helps. And Roger, I mean, I'm a little, he's talking about bulimia and cocaine.

It's a six-year-old girl. I know, but I'm doing my best to explain. Anyways, Grace, if you're listening, Rudolph's wonderful Maybe your daddy can show you a picture of Rudolph And our thanks to Wally the Elf And we'll probably just leave him alone Because he's got to get

He's got to finish his stuff So I hope you get lots of presents And Merry Christmas from me and Wally the Elf There you go What a great call Every year we get calls from some of the kids And I think Grace has been calling in for a few years I think her and her daddy have called in many, many years.

So that's wonderful. Thank you for calling in. Boy, I wouldn't want Wally's job. I mean, this guy is really stressed. Wow. Well, hey, let's finish up Christmas with a little treat since this is the last Christmas, the last podcast before Christmas. And sometimes, you know, if I'm in the right Christmas mood,

I like to sing you guys a Christmas carol to kind of go out the door and, you know, just my way of saying Merry Christmas. So let's do it. Let's, let's, the old Harster, the old Harlander, I'm going to sing you guys a Christmas carol. Straight from the heart. It's going to be rough. It's going to be out of tune.

It's going to be real. It might even be an. anti-Christmas present but you know what i'm going to put it out there i'm going to give it my best shot just for you guys to show my christmas love to all my wonderful listeners i want you to have the best holiday ever so hit that music roger here we go oh my gosh let me clear the pipes all right here we go merry christmas in three two one Slavehouse rake, are you listening? In the lane, snow is glistened.

A beautiful sight, we're happy tonight, walking in a winter wonderland. God away is the blue bird. Here to stay, he is the new bird. He sings a song as we go along. in a winter wonderland In the matter we can build the snowman And pretend that he's harsh round

Who say are you married We'll say no man But you can do the job when you're in town Later on we'll conspire As we dream by the fire To make some praise on craye, the plans to be made, walking in a went to Wonderland.

Hey, everybody, Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, wherever you are, whatever part of the world you're in. Merry Christmas from me to you. All of us here at the Harlan Highway, Roger, me, Cinnamon Boy, all of us. All of us. Merry Christmas. In Nevada, we can fill the show man. and pretend that he's a circus clown

We'll have lots of fun with Mr. Snowman Until the other kid he's knocked down When the snows ain't a thrill Through your nose gets to the chillet We'll prolic and play the eskimo way Walking in a into Wonderland To face I'm afraid The plan to be made

Walking in a winter In a winter, wonderland Merry Christmas, everybody I tried my best, I really did Oh, it felt good though Regardless the way you think it felt good It's just like I'm pouring my love out on to all my beautiful, wonderful

listeners. I hope that didn't scare you off. I think we'll end the show right there, right? It's either the best way or the worst way to end it off. But we'll catch up with you on the other side of the Christmas holiday. And you know what,

regardless of what your faith is, whether you may be Jewish or Muslim or Hindu or Buddhist or whatever you are, that the cheer and the love that I put into that song goes out to all of you. It's not just people who celebrate Christmas. So thanks again for being listeners.

Thanks for being here. And I'm going to spare us any announcements because it's Christmas, you know? Just go open your presents, have fun, and spread a little love. Spread a little love to those around you. maybe even spread a little love to someone you don't know. How about that? So that's it. Until next time, chicken chalmayne, baby.

And Merry Merry Christmas. Alexander, get the hell off that Christmas tree and stop sucking on the bulbs.