The Harland Highway - 840 - Mr. Featherstone's Groundhog Day scheme. Intense VETTING and calls from listeners.

Episode Date: February 2, 2017

Mr. Featherstone has plans for Groundhog Day. Intense vetting is discussed by listeners. Political intimidation madness. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What a show, what a show, what a crazy, crazy mixed-up show. See right out of the gate, it's crazy mixed up because I was singing like a crazy mixed-up maniac, just for you. Welcome to the Harland Highway. I'm the host, Harlan William. I'm glad you're here. Thanks for joining in. A big show today, nutty show today. We're going to take a call. One of our pavement pounders is kind of being bullied for his political beliefs, which I don't think is good on any side. And so we're going to listen to his phone call and we're going to talk about it

and hopefully put it to rest, put it to shame so that that kind of behavior stops. It made me sad. Wait do you hear the call. Also, Mr. Featherstone, it's Groundhog Day. So Mr. Featherstone wants me to do some kind of Groundhog Day activity. That comes up at the end of the show, thank God.

Also, the heavy, the heavy extreme vetting. We're going to take calls from people all over the country and get their perspective, their feedback on the President's Trump plan to do the extreme vetting of immigrants. Very interesting. And then also we're going to have a Harlan gets pissed off segment, something to do with technology that just drives me nuts.

Okay? So put on your helmets. Let's go. This is the Harland Highway Sit down, strap in and tighten your diaper. Come here, baby. You're about to go down the Harlan Highway.

No! No! I didn't bargain for this. Oh, yes, you did. Chick-chic-chac-cha. Chick-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-chall-main, baby. And the creature from all of us, baby.

Please don't stop. I got to feed it. Ugly fate. Magnificent performance. This is the Harlan Highway. I hate you. Well, that's the way it goes. What do you say?

We get down to business. Yes, it's the Harlan Highway. Yes, it's the Harlan Highway. little space monkeys. Oh, oh, oh, ah, ha, ha, ha, oh. Um, hello and welcome to the show. Let's jump right into it here. Obviously, everyone's freaking out about Donald Trump and his extreme vetting.

And we all have opinions about it. We all have our thoughts and feelings about it, but I thought it would be smart rather than me going on about what I thought about it. We open the phone lines and let you the pavement pounders. talk and express and a moat about your feelings on extreme vetting. So let's open up the phone lines and Roger, let's just start taking calls, man. What? Line two?

Okay, patch it through. Hello, go ahead. You are on the Harlan Highway. Hello? Yes, hello. Hello. Who is this? Samantha Davidson from Portland, Oregon.

Okay, Samantha, and your thoughts on heavy vetting? Oh, it's wonderful. They say it's very therapeutic. Very therapeutic, ma'am? Oh, yes. It's helping me with my arthritis. too. What do you mean?

It's helping you with your arthritis. Well, I just do it all day long, and Buttons loves it. What? Sorry, ma'am. You do what all day long? What you were talking about, and I just, I raped behind buttons, little ears, just all day long, and my fingers get stretched out so my arthritis doesn't hurt as much. What does your arthritis have to do with heavy vetting?

Oh, she buttons loves it. I just, she just closes her little eyes and purrs like a little angel, and I just do it right behind her ears and under her little chin, her little fluffy chin. Ma'am, we're talking about heavy vetting here, okay? Extreme vetting. Yes, and buttons just. She just loves it. She can't get enough. Ma'am, who is Buttons?

Buttons is my little cat. She's right here. Say hello, Buttons. Mew. Oh, she's such a darling. I'm extreme petting her right now. You're what? Extreme petting her right now. Extreme petting her.

Yes, like we were talking about on your show. No. I said extreme vetting, ma'am. Yes, she just loves it. Say hello again, buttons. Isn't that wonderful? The extreme petting is so therapeutic. Okay, ma'am, thank you for your call. Thank you very much.

Okay, caller, go ahead. You are on the air. We're talking about extreme vetting here today on the Harland Highway. Oh, thank you very much, Mr. Williams. Thank you. I'm from the Middle East. Okay, sir, great. You must have a strong opinion about extreme vetting. Yes, I think it's very inappropriate. They're trying to keep the people out like myself. This is not fair to me. This is not fair to my culture, my family. We want to be in America and make a good citizen. yeah what part of the world are you from sir i come from uh sir i come from yemen and we are

uh find upstanding citizens and we should be allowed in united states to not be allowed is outrage yes and are you are you currently trying to come in to the united states sir pardon me you're obviously trying to get into the states. It sounds like you're having difficulty. Yes, outlets. Why we not come? Yes. Where are you now, sir?

Are you calling from overseas? No, I'm at the Galleria. Where is this, sir? Dallaria? No, Galeria. Galeria. Is that in, is that a city in, in Yemen?

No, gallery in suburbs of Chicago. I'm at the mall at the Orange Julius. Well, you're at a mall in Chicago. Where? Yeah, Orange Julius. I have a hang on a sec. Yeah, double king size.

I get Orange Julius in the morning. It helps clear my passages. Sir, I thought you were complaining about not being able to come into this country. Oh, very. very bad, very bad. Where are you, sir? Galleria, Galleria at the Orange Julius.

You're already in this country. Yes. So what are you? I'm not sure why you're complaining. Well, what if I want to come in? You're already in, sir. Okay, but what if I, you know, what if I want to come in?

Sir, you're already in the United States of America. But if I want to come in, it's going to be very, very, hold on one sec. Put extra ice, extra ice on the orange fluff, blah, ha, hello? Okay, thank you for calling, sir. You're already in the United States. It doesn't make a difference. Yes, but if I want to come in, I should be coming. I should come in.

You're already in. Next caller, Roger. Holy crap. We're talking about heavy vetting. Is it appropriate? Is it legal? Should the government be allowed to continue with this process? Heavy vetting and who do we have?

Okay. Put them on. Oh, hello, dude. Hello? Oh, what's up, bro? It's Carl Flavors, bro. Carl Flavors Yeah, that's right, bro

I'm sitting here on the beach of Malibu Man watching the waves Curling, socking on a frosty Corona, bro Oh, wow It's the Flaves, bro Okay, sir, Your opinion, your thoughts

About extreme vetting Oh, bro, I fucking love that shit, man I mean, I've got an extreme vet All day long, bro. Sir, First of all, can you watch your language? Sorry, bro. The Flaves just, you there, gone.

It says what he asked to say out there in the rock and ethereal. Sir, your language. I love extreme vetting, bro. Okay. At least you're being honest about it. Why do you love extreme vetting? Well, you know, just that openness, that feeling of freedom, bro. Well, you know, that's the argument.

Some people are saying, We're stepping on people's freedoms with extreme vetting. Oh, bra. On the contrary, bro. I mean, there's nothing that feels better than the wind in your air, the roof down and fucking flying down the beach of Malibu, bro. What are you, what do you mean? Extreme vetting, bra.

A friend of mine, Davey, he's got like a fucking purple-sparkled 1965 Corvette Stingray, bra. And we extreme vet all day long, bro. All right, that... Are you talking about being in a car? Yeah, bro. I mean, it's extreme vetting. When you're cruising down the strip, you're going to get the chick.

It's like, what's our pussies? Okay, sir, you've got to watch... Extreme vetting does not mean driving around with the hood down in a Corvette Stingray. Well, I don't know where you come from, bro, but where I come from, that's exactly what it is. I'm going to do some extreme betting this afternoon, bro, and I'm

going to have this corona in my hand, because the flavors likes to flame. Whoa, whoa, lo, lo, lo, well, lo, lo, lo, lo, all. All right, sir. Thank you for your car. This isn't working. Hang up on him.

Why don't you come extreme bedding with me, bro? We got room in the back. We'll get your frosty corona, bra. Hang up on him. You know what? it we took three calls about extreme vetting a very serious topic and we got three complete idiots we get an old lady who thinks she thought I said extreme petting and she's playing with her cat and then we get a guy from the middle east or somewhere who is pissed off about not being

allowed into the country and he's already here and then we get a surfer dude who thinks that extreme vetting is whaling down the street with the top down in a vintage corvette string string ray i don't even know why i try you know what let's move on to something else roger god what else do we have going on what mr featherstone what do you mean he wants me to go upstairs to talk about groundhog day what today's Groundhog Day? Oh, God. What does he want to talk to me about Groundhog Day for? Hey, everybody. Who wants to have better sex? No? Yes. Yes. The answer is yes. You always want to have better sex. That's what you want it to be better, not worse. Trust me. And Adam and Eve is offering

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So be sure to use this code Harland so you get your discount and 100% free shipping. Code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. Aye, aye, aye. All right. All right. All right. I'll go up in a minute. I have this other thing I want to get off my chest here that I'm pissed off about. You know what? Roll the pissed off theme, Roger. Hit it. Don't piss me off.

This is Harland Williams. You're really pissing me off. Oh, you're starting to piss me off, you little pigless some bitch. You pissed me off. Shut up. You're pissing me off. These fucking assholes, this fuck, these fucking assholes, the fuck is their problem, man. Okay, I want you, I want you to listen to something, okay?

This is a common thing, and it pisses me off because we live in an age of technological advancement where it seems like if you can dream it, they can make it happen, and yada, yada, yada. especially with technology and audiovisual stuff and cameras. And I want you to listen to this clip, but have you ever noticed when you're watching the news or someone's doing a press conference or someone's doing something live? You got the media gallery, you know,

I don't know how many because you can't see them, but it sounds like there's like 20,000 of them. And somebody's talking at a microphone, a president or a congressman or a senator or somebody important's at a microphone. And all you can hear is the damn press gallery's cameras going off. Click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click. It sounds like a machine gun.

Listen to this clip. Here's President Trump talking about something. I don't care what it is, but listen to all the camera noise. I do the great friends and supporters. I appreciate it for number one the election, and I appreciate all of the help in deciding. who to pick for the United States to come for it, and Leonard

you were fantastic all of your work and Jim to admit, I don't know if Jim's here or not, but they were great, heritage. You really did it. You really helped. And the rollout's been fantastic. I mean, seriously, there's times when you can barely hear what he's saying.

And it's not just Trump, it's anyone, it's Hillary, it's Obama, whoever's up talking. And I'm like, can they not, like, make a silent camera and I've actually seen them I've actually seen they're like these boxes some photographers do have them they're like these silencer boxes and you can put your fancy camera inside them a lot of guys use them that film wildlife so that the animals don't hear the

clicking noise and I'm like politicians are like wildlife but seriously it's almost it sounds like someone's sitting there like the president's talking in a typing guy class. You know? I mean, listen to this. It's crazy. Over here, Mr. President. Smile, please.

I mean, isn't that, am I right? I mean, listen. Deciding who to pick for the United States to think for it. Let me add in the typewriter sound. One of you were. And Jim to me, I don't know Jim's here or not, but they were great. See, it's just like, it's too much, man. Like, this is the president.

It's stepping on important people's message. It's distracting. It's noisy. And that's a light version, okay? I've heard press junkets and press conferences where it's even worse and it's more imposing and in your face. So can somebody, like, get a quiet camera happening? sometime soon here in 2017.

I mean, my iPhone doesn't sound like a typewriter when I press it. It's silent. So, Dullo, you think these guys with these big honking cameras, you're not outside at a sporting event. You're not on the sidelines at an NFL game, okay? You're in a small enclosed echoey chamber of the White House or you're in close proximity to someone who's talking quietly.

So, uh, hello, photographers, you might want to adjust a little and get with the future. Good Lord, because it's really pissing me off. I'm not your daddy. Will you shut that thing off? Hello? Hello? Hi, Harland. This is a fan from Portland, Oregon.

just calling to say or give you a couple of opinions of mine of these Trump presidency of you don't have posted obviously political but just wanted to say that I listened to your podcast where you said you wore and make America great again hat on stage in front of everybody and that's really cool in my opinion because like I live in Portland, Oregon where I don't think I could wear that hat and walk down the street safely. I can honestly say that I've seen so many people in the streets protesting and then literally assaulting people and the community around them. It's just because they're wearing a Trump hat where they say, hey, hey, hey, seriously, like you guys are causing all this destruction. Maybe you should stop or somebody should stop.

And somebody tries to burn out the fires on TV and they're getting assaulted and stoned and stuff with things around at them. It's ridiculous. and people wonder why Donald Trump got elected and it's like yeah because you can vote and silence in the privacy of your home if you mail it in and that's what I did I voted for Donald Trump at home and I don't talk about it and I look on my Facebook every day and all I see is people villainizing and demonizing people who voted for Trump and and it's like They speak about, like, this tolerance. It's like, you know, we need to be tolerant and look at the man in the mirror and think about who you are inside of yourself.

Like, what's your soul say about you? And I'm like, it's insulting. All this stuff is so insulting. And these are my closest friends and family members that are saying all this stuff. And I live in Portland, Oregon. It's very progressive and extremely left-leaning. And I've been a conservative for my entire life. And those are the things that people were saying about people like me.

And I just couldn't believe it, you know. And I'm like, I just better not say anything because I'll be browbeaten. And I'll probably be called a Nazi or something terrible. And in four years, I'll just vote for Trump again at home. You know, and it's just I have to say It does require a bit of bravery these days To say that you voted for Donald Trump

And I'm, my wife won't let me Say that kind of stuff At the family, you know, or When we get together with friends She just knows it's just not going to work out Well, anyways Chicken Chalman, dude Wow, thanks for calling, man

That just makes me sad It breaks my heart it breaks my heart that people in a free the freest country on planet earth quote unquote people are not allowed or are intimidated or scared or made to feel like something they aren't because they side with a certain political party it's really shameful that that people are being so aggressive and trying to paint people with this broad brush that if they support Donald Trump, they're this whole list of things, racist and homophobic and Muslimphobic and all this stuff. And it's all a bunch of bullshit, man. And it really makes me sad to see that people

like this gentleman are afraid to talk about or identify or stand up for something they believe in. Does that sound like America to you? That sounds like a dictatorship. You know, in communist countries, when you speak out about the government, you get tortured and hung and shot. And it's starting to sound a lot like that here in America where this guy who called in isn't alone. There's a lot of people that are feeling intimidated and afraid. And so they should be. There are people blatantly on TV, you know, calling Trump people all these. names and making them seem like they're horrible people. Well, guess what? They're a huge majority of this country and they have just as much right to express their opinions and

vote for who they want. There's stuff in the Democratic Party that people on the Trump side don't like or approve of or agree with, but they don't go around telling you you can't vote or you're a loser or you're a piece of crap or you're a fob this, a fob that. Boy, oh boy, that's just, it's disgusting. And you're sitting here, you know, getting on Donald Trump because he imposes an extreme vetting program? Well, why don't all you Democrats and all you people that don't want anyone to vote for Trump? Why don't you wait for the immigrants to come through the airport and say, hey, we love you. Welcome to America.

By the way, you're not allowed to vote for anyone we disagree with. And by the way, you know, this is the freest country in the world. Welcome. Welcome. Oh, but you're only allowed to like this political party. If you vote for this political party or you like this political party, we don't like you. You're a racist. You're a homophobe. You're a Muslim phob. You're this, you're that, you're this. Come on, guys. The fact that this gentleman's afraid to talk freely at a party that his wife doesn't want him talking about his political affiliations because she fears. feels there will be negative repercussions on her and her family and her social circle? Is that the America you want, guys? Who cares if you don't like Donald Trump? Deal with it.

And then, you know, vote next time and hope that more people agree with you. But don't vilify half of society, in fact, more of society because Donald Trump won. So obviously more people in this country must feel. the way Donald and his party does than the other way. How dare you? How would you feel if people made you feel that way

about your political party? It's really a scummy way to be and it's not ingratiating and it's not inclusive and it's not compassionate and it's not fair. Sorry if you don't like all the policies. That's why there's two parties.

They have opposing policies. They have differences. But whether you like those differences or not, when one party wins, you know, you can go along with them. You can protest them. You can march in the street. You can say what you want. But you don't have the right to make people feel like garbage. And I would say to the listener, I would say, you know what?

Stand up. Let your voice be heard. Late, you know, because if people just keep lurking in the shadows, it's bullying. You know, by the way, the Democratic side, they're the bleeding arts that are always going on about bullying and pushing people around. And, you know, they do all the public service announcements about bullying. Well, I'll tell you what, there's a lot of bullying going on from the Democratic side of the aisle with people, you know, coming down so hard on the Trumpsters. But I would say stand up, let your voice be heard. And if you're at a party or a social event, let them know you're a trump.

And if they don't like it, if they don't like you, then do you really want them as a friend? If they don't respect your voice and your opinion when you respect theirs, you don't owe them anything. They owe you. You owe them. You owe each other the right to be mindful and respectful of each person's willingness to choose. and I say Let them know where you stand Be proud of where you stand

And if they decide to chastise you Or walk away from the friendship See you later The friendship wasn't built on very much If they're willing to Sever their allegiance to you Over some like bullshit political party Or platform

I mean come on guys I have a bunch of friends I live in Hollywood Most almost all of my friends supported Hillary and loved Hillary and blah, blah, blah. I still love my friends. They still hang out.

I respect their opinion to love Hillary. Whippy do. I made a friendship with them. I didn't make a friendship with a Democrat or a Hillary supporter. I built lifelong friendships with people based on them and their character. And believe me, my friends know that I supported Trump. And you know what? They did out of respect.

They all talked to me about it. They approached me about it. They say, why do you feel this way? And I told them. But if you have friends that are willing to throw you under the bus and make you feel, you know, like crap and degrade you and force their opinion on you and call you names and, dude, you know, stand up,

let them know who you are, what you believe in, be proud of it, and let the chips fall where they may. And if they want to give you a hard time, you don't have to get into a fight with them. You can just go look at them and say, you know what? I respect your opinion to choose. I wish you'd respect mine. And turn and walk away. Don't let them push you around.

Don't let them make you and your wife feel cowardly. It breaks my heart, man. And for both people on Republican and Democratic sides, lighten up. This is a process. You know what? It's going to probably be Trump for four years, probably eight years, unless something goes wrong. And you know what? After eight years, I bet it goes back to the dams. And you know what, eight years from then or four years? I bet it goes back to the Republicans and back to the dams. So take it easy.

It's not like you're locked in time with a communist government, man. That's the beauty of our system. It bounces back and forth, and it kind of probably balances things out. It's like for eight years, one side kind of makes some headway and gets what they want, and then for eight years, the other side, get some of their initiatives, you know, push through. But stop making people feel small and insignificant and like they're bad people. Because the other side can say that about your side too. So, dude, stand up, be proud. Speak your mind.

Don't let people intimidate you. This is America. This is why immigrants come here. This is why people came here. And that's why you get so mad about these celebrities and Bruce Springsteen and De Niro and these guys trying to tell you how to think. And if you don't think like them, you're a bad person

and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Now, if Donald Trump has some qualities that other people don't like, if they think or perceive him to be racist or a Muslim-phobe or a homo—if that's what they think, then that's on them. But if you don't think he is, and if you can live with who he is, and you respect who he is, and you think he's different than what other people say he is, and you let his action speak, then you're entitled to make your own decisions.

And even if Donald is some of those bad things, and I'm not saying he is, but if that comes out or if it's proven, or if that's, That doesn't mean you're that thing. That means he's that thing. It doesn't mean you can't agree with some of his politics and his choices for the Supreme Court and his cabinet picks and his stance on defense and his, you know. And if he's such a walking nightmare, guess what?

He'll be voted out next time. Oh, it just breaks my heart. You know what makes me mad? I'm from Canada, man. I'm Canadian and I stand up more for, you know, my American political beliefs, then this guy's able to, and he's born and bred in America. That ain't right, man.

I don't want to hurt anyone. I don't want to call anyone names. I don't want anyone to feel bad. Like I said, almost, I think all my friends, except one, all my friends except one, are Hillary. They all wanted the Democrats, and nothing's changed. I love them. They're still my best friends.

We still do everything. We know each other's point of view. We respect it. And so in closing, if your friends and family don't respect your point of view, then you don't have to respect theirs. And I would just move on from that, man. Or at least talk to them and say, hey, you've got to stop this. You know, confront them and say, look, here's why I'm this way.

Here's why you're that way. And, you know, let's knock off the animosity. Okay, so there you go. Thanks for calling, man. And be strong. Head up, chest out. This is America. Be proud.

Be free. That's what this is all built on. That's why we have these elections with these extreme points of view and these extreme candidates and these extreme people. So bask in it, enjoy it, and be proud of it, and embrace it and stand up for it. There you go. And now I've got to go up.

upstairs and see my boss, Mr. Featherstone, about Groundhog Day. Oh, God! Life as it is. I have lived for over 40 years, and I've seen life as it is. Pain, misery, cruelty beyond belief. I've heard all the voices of God's noblest creature moans from bundles of filth in the world. of filth in the street.

I've been a soldier and a slave. I've seen my comrades fall in battle or die more slowly under the lash in Africa. I've held them at the last moment. These were men who saw life as it is that they die despairing. No glory, no brave last words. only their eyes filled with confusion questioning why

I do not think they were asking why they were dying but why they had ever lived and life itself seems lunatic who knows where madness lies perhaps to be too practical as madness to surrender dreams this may be madness, to seek treasure where there is only trash. Too much sanity may be madness.

The maddest of all, to see life as it is and not as it should be. Well, here I am up on the 12th floor waiting in the lobby to go in and see my boss, Mr. Featherstone. He wants to talk to me about Groundhog Day. I don't know what that's all about, but, uh, hi, Betty. How are you? There's his secretary, Betty. Hello? Betty? Hello? Okay, well, she just gave me the finger Par for the... What, I can go in? Okay, I'm going in, here I go. I'm going into my boss's office, Mr. Featherstone.

Oh, there he is sitting at his desk. Uh, hello, sir, how are you today, Mr. Featherstone? Hello? Yes, sir, uh, Harland Williams here. How... Sir, Sir, Harland Williams here, you requested me? Wait a minute. Did you say how holiola,

Will, Will, Lulio? Sir, it's Harland Williams. You do this every time. I'll raise your voice at me, crab cake, Betty. Crabcake Betty? What do you want? Well, you called me to come up, sir.

I mean, I got the message you wanted to talk to me about Groundhog Day. Oh, right. Yeah, that thing. Yeah, it's an important day. Well, yes, sir, I guess so What did you have in mind? Well, you know, they do this thing every year We've already had a long winter

It's cold as Oprah Winfrey's left ass cheek Sir? Well, it is Sir, I don't think that's a very plight reference Oh, well, who are you all of a sudden? Professor Gravy Teeth? Professor Gravy Teeth. You heard me.

Sir, I don't even know what that means Well, we're gonna do something Groundhog Day to get this winter over with Because I don't like the cold It makes my wife's arthritis all flary And when my wife's arthritis is flary I don't get any action Sir? You know what I mean

Well, maybe you don't because you hang out At your funny little bars downtown Sir, I do not hang out at funny little bars Oh, really? Yes Well, how about uh, Sparky's Fudge House at 14th and 11th downtown? Sparky's Fudge House? Uh-huh. Sir?

Uh-huh. Sir, I, can we get on with this? Yeah, you're going to do something for Groundhog. Do you know how Groundhog Day works? Well, I think so, sir. It's the, the thing where the, the Ground Dog comes up out of the ground, and if he's hole in the ground. Right? And if he sees his shadow, then it's going to be a long winter.

But if he doesn't see his shadow, it's going to be a short winter. Exactly. Okay, what does it have to do with me, sir? Before I tell you, can I ask you something? Yes, sir. Have you ever farted? Sir, I'm not going to do the farting thing. Have you ever farted on a picture in an art gallery?

Sir, I don't go to art galleries and fart on pictures. I respect the art. Well, you should try farting on a Picasso. Sir, why would I fart on a Picasso? Why wouldn't you? Sir? So here's what we're going to do. Yes, sir.

We're going to do our own version of Groundhog Day, all right? I don't know what that means, sir. You've got to have a Groundhog, and you've got to have a hole, and you got to have the ground dog come up from the hole? Yeah, well, guess what? What? You're going to do it. What do you mean? I'm going to do it.

Here's what we're going to do. Sir? I went into the men's bathroom. Okay. And I cut a glory hole in one of the bathroom stall number three. Wait, you did what? Don't pretend you don't know what a glory hole is, Captain Sausage Teeth. Sir?

I'm sure there. There's a little glory holes all over the walls down at your funny little bars. What funny little bars? Oh, well, how about the broken baseball bat on 12th and 19th? Downtown. Sir, I don't go to the broken baseball bat. Ah, sir? Ah!

Sir, what? Are you telling me you carved a glory hole in the men's bathroom on the 12th floor? here you know it what what what is that got to do with me because you're going to do ground dog day wait a minute sir that's right we got a little hairy wig here what what do you mean a hairy little wig my kids have a kendall at home a ken doll yeah they got wigs okay so what you're going to do is you're going to put a hairy wig on the mushroom cap of your penis wait a minute sir Let me finish Sir

You're gonna put a wig Hairy wig on the end of your penis Sir, I am not Let me finish And you're gonna stick it through It's gonna be like a groundhog And you're gonna stick it through that glory hole In the bathroom

Wait a minute sir You're gonna have like a penis gopher Sir I'm not gonna have a penis gopher I'm not putting a hairy wig on the tip of my penis and sticking it through a glory hole in the men's bathroom. Oh, yes, you are. And if we see your shadow, guess what?

It's a long winter. I'm not doing it, sir. But if you're a hairy gopher penis, doesn't have a shadow, well, that I can get back to Hamers Steining my wife. Sir, I am not going to do this. I do not want to do anything with a glory hole

in my penis. Oh, really? What about down at the boy bun bond? The boy, what is the boy bun barn? One of those bars downtown? Sir! By the way, before we go any further... No, I'm not gonna talk about farting on things. Have you ever farted in the lens of a video camera?

It steams it up like soup. Sir! Uh! Sir, I... Don't fart into camera lenses. Ah! Sir, I'm not doing this. I'm sorry.

You're gonna. gonna put a wig on your wiener and shove it through the glory hole and if there's a shadow sir i'm not doing it goodbye get back here hyman flimer sorry i draw the line all right well you're gonna hear from me get out of i got a phone call coming in anyhow goodbye sir you'll be hearing from me go for weiner goodbye well goodbye goodbye betty it was nice to well i'm okay Give me the finger again. Great. Thank you. Nice to see you, too. Unbelievable. I'll meet you back down in the studio. God! But I want to say one thing to the American people. I want you to listen to me. I'm going to say this again.

I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Ms. Lewinsky. Okay, I'm back in the studio. I want to apologize for my boss's lewd. and disgusting and inappropriate behavior. He just doesn't get it. That's my boss. That's what I deal with every day here at the Harland Highway studio. He doesn't even know my name. He doesn't know the name of my podcast.

He wants me to shove my private parts to a glory hole so that he can have a shorter winter so his wife's arthritis goes away so he can get back to having sex. I mean, unbelievable. I wonder why I get anything done here. I'm going to end the show right now. I'm sorry, he ruined it.

I'm sorry if you're pissed at me for ending it abruptly, but I can't take it. I need to go cool off. E! Let me tell you what's going on. If you want to see me do some stand-up comedy, uh, tonight, tonight at Largo. So in Hollywood, California on Lasziena Boulevard, me and Nick Swartson and Michael Rosenbaum

and some really funny people. We're doing a show tonight at Largo. So come on down. I don't know if there's tickets left, but check it out online. Largo on Lasziena. And then February 9th through the 12th, I will be in North Carolina at Charlie Goodnights. Yes, Charlie Goodnights. Club. And then February 16th to 19th, I'll be at the Spokane or Spokane Comedy Club back in

Washington. Got to tell you, it's just up in Tacoma. We sold it out. And I'm hoping we do the same thing in Spokane. So it's on you, Spokane, to come and step up the way Tacoma did, man. We want to sell it out. So I hope I see you there. You can check all my comedy dates on. on my website, harlough williams.com. Just click on the stand-up comedy link. I'll also be in Phoenix, Arizona. It's stand-up live, March 2nd to the 4th. Great club out there.

So a lot of good stuff going on. And big bang, boom. Also check out the store in my website, harlewilms.com. We have a great merch store for you to order some fun merchandise. Also, you can write me at harlemwilms.com, just go on the contact page and you can send me an email. I might read it on the show. And you can call me, as some of our listeners do. 323-739-4330.

That gentleman who phoned about feeling scared and intimidated and, you know, upset about not being able to speak his mind and stand up for who he is. that's that's that i don't want to sound like i'm just dumping on the democrats but that's unacceptable behavior by all parties all sides all people come on guys let people represent who they want to represent and if you don't like them just walk away from them but you don't have to denigrade them and make them feel like crap it's not right i think we all know that deep inside um so there you go If you want to leave a comment, feel free. You might disagree with everything I said. You can let me know, or you might agree.

I don't know. Might be somewhere in the middle. That's fine. And don't forget, you can get our free app. If you want to listen to the show on your cell phone, wherever you go, get the app. Go into your app store. Just type in the Harland Highway. Boom, baby.

You're in. You are in. And you can listen on your phone wherever you go. We also have a premium membership. It gives you the complete catalog of the Harlan Highway from one all the way up to 840, where we are now. Unbelievable. You also get bonus things that I add from time to time in the premium membership, some interviews, some stand-up comedy, some characters. So some really cool stuff for only $20 a year.

So I encourage you to join. Everyone who's already joined, God bless you. Thank you so much for helping out. I really appreciate it, and I hope you're enjoying it. But just so, you know, premium members, I don't do everything every day or every week, but it drops in and out throughout the year. And I think it's well worth $20, but you be the judge, and I hope you get a bang out of it.

So that's it for today. We're going to wrap it up. Thank you for listening. Tell your friends to get on the Harland Highway. And by the way, a shout out to Tacoma, Washington. and I mentioned that we sold out four of the five shows when I was up there for the first time last week. And what a great city, what a great club, what a great group of people, great, great audience. I mean, just stellar.

Thank you so much, everyone up in Tacoma, and I hope I see y'all next time I come through. For those of you that didn't show up, come on out. It was a blast. That's it. We're going to wrap it up. Thank you, everybody. Until next time, Chicken, ShaoMe. Baby?

What about down at the Boy Bun Bon Bon.