The Harland Highway - 847 - OSCAR anger! Question of the day! Hollywood HELL

Episode Date: February 27, 2017

Another group of people outraged at being shut out of the OSCARS. Hairy Question of the day. Hollywood audition HELL! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You like me. You really, really like me. Oh. Yes, it's Oscar time. It's Oscar time. And as usual, over the last number of years, there's always a group of people that feel left out of the Oscars. There's a, you know, whether it's a gender or a race or a group or an organization or it seems

like every year there's someone new. This year is no exception. We have a major. money-making movie mogul who is on the show today calling in to complain about being put on the sidelines for yet another Oscar year. And so we're going to talk to him. Talk to him. Here is grievances. Here is arguments. And it should be interesting. Also, a very interesting question of the day. It involves monsters that lurk in the night. Yes. I can't wait until you hear my question of the day, and maybe you have some answers for me, because it's baffling to me.

And then later in the show, I'm going to talk to you a bit about the Hollywood process, the art of going on an audition for a TV or movie role, and also the pain and the cruelty and the cutting devastation of going on said auditions. I saw something that just broke my heart recently. Can't wait to tell you, here we go. This is The Harland. Highway Sit down,

strap in and tighten your diaper. Come here, baby. You're about to go down the Harlan Highway. No! I didn't bargain for this. Oh, yes, you did it.

Chick-chic-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-chall. Maine, baby. And the creature from all the space. Please don't stop. I got to see that ugly face. Magnificent performance.

This is the Harland Highway. I hate you. Well, that's the way it goes. What do you say? We get down to business. Yeah. Here we go. Uh-huh.

Yeah. Well, it's Oscar Mania. Oscar Fever is in the... air, as you know. We got the big Oscars. And it's such a big event. It's such a global event. Millions and millions and millions and millions and millions of people watch it. And on today's show, we have a huge movie mogul movie producer who's representing a whole category of the film industry. and he's not happy. You know, last year we had the African-American community

was not happy with the way the Oscars were being done. They said they weren't being inclusive, and then before that it was women's groups. And again, this year I even heard that now there's a bit of an outcry about the Asian population not being represented. So we have a guy here calling in, he's calling in a bit later, right, Raj? Huh? Yeah, he's calling in.

in a little bit, and he's going to talk how they feel that the Oscars are unfair and that, you know, they're being selective in the types of films that they want to give awards to. So that's later on, and let me know when they call in, but can we do the question of the day? Because this is driving me nuts. Good. Let's start with a question of the day. Roll the music, Rod. The Harland Highway, question of the day.

Okay, so here it is, and this is real, man. This just happened within the last two weeks. And it's happened probably throughout my lifetime, and it's probably happened in your lifetime. I can't be the only one. But I just got walloped with it recently, and it blew my mind. And so my question of the day is it's a little weird, but it's a legitimate question.

Here it is, the Harlan Highway question of the day. Why did God invent teen wolf hair? Okay, have you seen anyone you know or someone you don't know walking in the street? And they just have the most ridiculous teen wolf hair? Like, do you know what I mean? It's kind of, it's really thick, and it's kind of like parted, and it looks kind of like, you know, 1970s, but it's really thick. And it almost looks like a wig on a dude.

But it kind of has that early, if Michael J. Fox's hairstyle from Family Tides was like really thick, coarse hair. And the reason I'm saying it is in the last two weeks, I've seen guys. And coincidentally, they're both at my gym. There was one older guy, probably looked like he was probably 50 plus. And then there was a younger guy. Maybe it was his teen wolf's son. I don't know. But on another day, I saw another guy, probably in his mid-20s.

And they had the most outrageous teen-wolf hair. Like, I couldn't stop staring at it. It almost reminded me. Remember that biblical story, Samson and Delilah? You know, Samson was this biblical guy who had strength in his hair. I mean, this hair was beyond thick and brisk, and it just looks so unreal and unnatural. It looked like teen wolf hair. Like I almost wondered if I should run outside and see what the moon's doing.

Because there may be werewolves afoot at my gym. Maybe I should have followed him and seen if he had supernatural strength, if he was having any, you know, issues lifting heavy weights, or was it just real easy for him because he had, you know, supernatural werewolf blood, teen werewolf. And I said, you know, these guys were older, you know, one in the mid-20s, one probably in his 50s. But even teenagers grow up, right?

So teen wolf, I guess becomes regular werewolf. But it's almost like mesmerizing hair. It just like, I guess that's my question today. Is anyone else seen people with hair? They would look at it. And it wasn't like, you know, an oddity. It wasn't like, oh, interesting hair on that guy. Or it wasn't like, hmm, what's going on with that guy's hair?

Is that a style? Is that a cut? Didn't he wash his hair? None of those questions entered my head. It was as stark and as clean and as clear as the sun is. bright. Like the second I laid eyes on, I just went, whoa, look at that fucking teen wolf hair, bro. Like I couldn't, that's the first place my mind went. Boom, like there was no doubt. It was like teen wolf hair. It just freaks me out, man, and it looked like it was real.

So, you know, you don't see a lot of it, but when you do see it, it just, it just like pops, man. And so I thought I can't be the only one. There's got to be other people. And I've seen it on people throughout my life. But I guess it got in my head, you know, the last few weeks because it's had two, two within about a week. And I might have even seen one of them the same day together at the gym.

So it's an odd question, but the question, the Harlan Highway question of the day is, as anyone else seen, someone with teen wolf hair. There you go. Please call me at 323-739-4330 if you have. I want to hear about it. Or you can write me at harlanwiliams.com. Let me know.

Teen wolf hair. The Harland Highway. Question of the day. Okay, Roger, we got the guy. movie guy yeah yeah please put them on here we go folks uh as i said it's the oscars and every year someone comes out of the woodwork some group some cause somebody feels like they're not getting their their due at uh at the oscars and uh you know they think it's not fair they think they're being overlooked yada yada so it sounds like we have a new group this year put them through

Who do we got, Roger? Hmm? Dwayne Killerton? All right, put them through. Hello, sir. Are you there? This is Harlem Williams on the Harland Highway. Yeah, hello, Mr. Williams.

How are you today? We're doing great, sir. Happy Oscars? Well, I might be happy for you, but it's certainly not happy for, you know, the people I represent and then the part of the film industry I work for. And what exactly is the industry you work?

work for. Well, before we get into that, Mr. William, you know, I think we've got to establish some guidelines here because I think, you know, as a fair-minded person, if my person that does a fair-minded show, you would agree that, you know, not all aspects, all genres of the film industry are getting there just through. Am I right to say that? Well, if you mean that they're not getting represented or being handing an award, I guess that's fair to say, you know, for a long time animation, uh, was not included in, in the, uh, in the Oscar handouts. And I've always contested that, you know, comedy, comedy films should be their own category. So, so I, I'm on, on board with you here, sir. Thank you, Mr. Williams. I really appreciate that because we've been struggling. And I represent a portion of the

film industry that generates billions of dollars in capital, uh, in this country. And it grows even high as go around the world. Well, yeah, the film industry, as we know, it's lucrative. If you can make some movies that get out there, they get distribution, yes, it's a very lucrative industry. And we're being shut out, is why I'm calling today, Mr. William, because, you know, we bring hours of entertainment, we bring joy to people, we bring happiness to people, you know, some say we even bring families closer together. And for us not to be acknowledged, at the Oscars to not be handed awards up there with the other actors and actresses and directors and producers. It's a slap in the face. It's a kick in the balls.

Okay. Well, just so we're clear, sir, what genre of film are you from? Are you talking about you know, the doc... I think documentaries are covered. I think... I'm talking about the adult film industry, Mr. Williams. Oh, what? talking about the porno industry. We make incredible films. We make dozens and dozens, if not hundreds of movies a year, and we get overlooked every single year, and we're sick and tired of it. Well, well, no, no, no, no, no, no, hold on a second, uh, Dwayne. Uh, you know, you're getting into an interesting area here. Oh, really? And have you ever watched a porno movie, Mr. Williams?

Well, I think we should. Well, it sounds like you're a little tongue-tied there, Mr. Williams. Exactly, and let me ask your listeners, because I know you've got a lot of listeners. All you people listening, have you watched a porno movie? I'm sure all of you have had your greasy little lies on a porno movie. I'm sure all of you have watched, you know, some of our incredible work and had a bulging your pants or a little do drop in your randies. Okay, yeah, you're probably right.

I'm probably, you know, I think it's a good guess that everyone listening has probably at some point laid their eyes on a pornographic film. Exactly. And with the money we generate and the amount of eyes that watch our movies, how come we're not getting represented? Where's our golden boy? Where's our golden statue? I mean, are you kidding me?

Did you see Frosty Minks, the work she did in Edward Piener's hands? Excuse me? Frosty Minks, I think some of the nicest blowjob work I've ever seen in Edward Piener's hands. Now, where's the Oscar for that? Sir, I think that there's... Did you say Edward P penis hands? Yes, Frosty Minks just gobbled like a freaking... Okay, sir, uh...

Listen, I think... I think, you know, from what I've heard, from what I've read, there are actually, are there not adult movie awards? Yeah, well, okay, now you're denigrating us, Mr. Williams. You know, now you're knocking us down the back. Now you're saying we're not worthy, and that's what I mean. It's not fair. Of course we have our own adult film awards. But we want to be part of the big picture.

When we're generating so much money, when we're creating so much commerce, when we've got so many. billions of viewers on our product how is it that we're not getting a ticket to the biggest party in town well you know sir I think I think because maybe people are uncomfortable it's a little taboo it's a it's a natural act of being a human sexual activity sexual conduct I mean you know motion pictures are all about the imagination about fantasy worlds what could be more fantastical than terror tulips and bust the nut in grandma's butt. Have you seen this one?

She's one of our older actresses, Tara Tulips. I mean, her work in Buster Nutt in Grandma's butt is unbelievable. Okay, sir, no. I have not seen Tara Tulips and Buster Nutt in Grandma's Bot. Well, for her to not even get a mention, you know, at this point, you know, just to get nominated would be phenomenal. for us. I mean, you know, we're offering a product that rivals the commercial film industry. And, you know, if we're not going to be invited to the dance, then I'm going to raise a problem. The kind of the way the African Americans did, the way the Asians did, the way the women did.

Sir, look, I think we've got to draw the line between, you know, movies that are palatable to the public. And, oh, are you telling me that you've never seen Planet of the Gapes? Did you say Planet of the Apes, sir? No, I said Planet of the Gapes. I mean, Ronnie Ramingo in this movie, I mean, you know, his body glistening, he's dressed up like a monkey, and the size of his log. Okay, sir, I understand that maybe you're feeling left out. You're feeling dismissed. It's understandable.

You know, I've read that the porno industry does make a lot of money. But, you know, I think... You think what? Are you kidding me? Have you seen Tiffany Tit Teeth? Excuse me? Tiffany Titty. She did a movie last year called A Pocket Tits Now.

It was unbelievable. It almost brought me to tears. I mean, this girl... There she is. We filmed on a beach getting gang bang by a bunch of Asian men, and that's not easy to do because they have small little... Okay, sir! We did not see Apocatits now.

Now, I think, just the titles, the graphic titles of these films and the names of your actors and actresses, it just might not be suitable for prime time, if you know what I mean. Are you kidding me? Do you know how many downloads we had for Don Long John? He did a movie for us called Dirt Pipe Milkshakes. And Don Long John, I mean, this guy almost wore himself out. It looked like you've been circumcised by a great white shock.

His penis was so raw. This guy really worked. Sir, you're getting, with all due respect, I understand it's your industry. You're getting a little too maybe graphic for us. Well, I'm sorry. See, this is what I mean. You know, you'll do a movie like a Texas chainsaw massacre where you show people getting their arms and legs cut off.

You'll do the hood locker where people are getting blown up, body parts flying all over it. You'll do, what about that one, the Exorcist? Do you remember the one where the little girl Linda Blair got possessed by the devil? And this girl's literally jamming a crucifix up a pussy, and you're going to give me a hard time for Forrest Hump or Shindon. What? What did you just say? You heard me, Forrest Hump and Shindler's Fist.

Now, this Shindler Fist movie, this was one of the most sensitive, tear jerking, and also other jerking. Okay, sir! I'm sorry that you're not getting the recognition or the due praise or the credit that you feel the film industry has, and you and your work at Stantall Productions. But I think there's a reason we need separation here. It's a little too graphic. Well, why don't you tell that to the casting crew of Willie Wanker and the Chow-on-Clit Factory?

Because they're standing out in the rain looking in the window while everyone else gets Golden Boy heaped upon them. And speaking of Golden Boy, we just did a new German one of these piss movies. golden boy showers and we're okay so we've got to go thank you very very much you know I'm sorry you've been left

out and you really got to see Bustinut and grandma's bot this thing is all right hang up on him good God Roger I thought we were going to have where did you find that guy Dwayne Caller

Good God. Rice. I can't believe it's not bother. Okay. Man. Hey, everybody. Who wants to have better sex? No?

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out. Roger, you know, God, let's get, speaking of the industry, the film and TV industry, I want to tell you kind of a sad story. Maybe it's not sad to you, but it's sad to me. It makes me sad. I don't like it. But it's kind of, you know, I've worked in this, this nutty TV and film industry for, man, it must be going on 25 years.

You know, my first movie way back when was dumb and dumber. My very first TV sitcom was Ellen DeGeneres' first sitcom called These Friends of Mine. I mean, you know, so I've been in and out of this industry for a long time, done a lot of great things, been very blessed. But there's a real cruel side to this industry. and it resurfaced again this week and it always breaks my heart and I don't understand it and it upsets me and let me tell you what happened. So I got an audition last week to go in and read for a, you know, a TV show. It was an hour long kind of show that I think it blended magicians with like crime solvers, like, you know, FBI, CIA guys that were like, you magicians as well or something.

So it was kind of a neat concept, and, you know, I got the script sent to me, and I got the sides, and I studied them, and I got them memorized. It's called being off book. That's the indie term. That's the insider term. When you're off book,

that means you don't need to hold the script in your hand. You've memorized the lines. They're in your head. And it takes a lot of time, and that's the sucky thing about auditioning. You know, unless you have a mind like Mary Lou Hennar, who is on the show Taxi, she's got a photographic mind. She can read something once and remember it perbatim. But the rest of us actors, we have to take like, you know, two or three days and read the material and get it in our head.

You know, that sometimes they'll give you an audition that's 12, 15 pages long, and you're like, oh, my God. And some of it's a monologue, some of it's, you know, a lot of lines. And so, you know, you just can't read it and be off to the races. It's a lot of work. And then on top of that, you've got to get in your car and you got to go all the way down to, you know, a different city or a different studio or a different location. And you've got to check in at the guard gate.

You've got to show them your ID. And then you got to find the offices on the studio lot. It's kind of fun when you're first doing it. But when you get older and wiser and you get more, immersed in the industry. It's also, it's kind of a big pain in the ass, and it's almost degrading. I hate to sound like a prima donna, but it kind of blows. Because, you know, the odds of getting a role are like, kind of like the odds of winning a lottery. So you almost not, you know, I don't go in with a negative attitude, but I kind of go in realistically going,

okay, what are the odds I get this? And I think most actors have the same mindset. You know, I mean, I also go in like, I'm going to get this. I'm going to do a great job. I'm going to nail it. I don't set myself up to fail. But I also am realistic that, you know, you don't know how it's going to go. So you've done all this groundwork. You've spent all these days and hours memorizing.

Then, you know, you've got to drive over and, you know, park. And, you know, I mean, it's not that bad. But it's, you know, if you do it a lot, it becomes a lot of work. For people that think actors have it easy, it's not easy. And that's kind of the physical part of it. The psychological part of it is showing up, and you walk into a waiting room, and you're confronted with a bunch of other actors that are there for the same role you're there for. And because I've been in the industry a long time, a lot of times I see people I know,

or I see people that know me, and we're buddies, and we're chummy, and we're all sitting in the waiting room. Sometimes there could be, you know, 15, 20 of us. And now all of a sudden you're joking and yucking it up with guys that you're competing against. It's a little bit awkward, but it's also fun because you end up, you know, seeing guys you haven't seen in a while. You end up chatting with actors that, you know, are famous or semi-famous. And so it's a very interesting dynamic. But here's where it gets sad.

Okay. So the part I went in for this week, or last week, I should say, It was for a supporting role You know, it wasn't for the main star of the show It would look like an interesting role But it was for a supporting role A co-starring role And I'm like, cool, I'm up for that

I'm not a huge TV star I'm fine with that I can make this part sing As they say And I go in and I sit down And as soon as I As soon as I see you have to sign in That's the other thing

You guys don't know this that aren't actors but there's like a clipboard in the reception area, and you have to sign in. You have to write your name. You have to write your agency. You have to write what time you got there. You have to write the role you're going for. So that's how you know. Because, you know, if you're the 25th guy there that day, you can just look at the sign-in sheet,

and it says, roll, Edgar, Edgar, Edgar, Edgar, Edgar, they're all going for the same role. So I sign in and I look up and I start walking towards a chair, and all of a sudden some guy over in the corner throws his arms open. He's like, hey, man, how are you doing? And I'm looking and I'm like, who? Who? What, does this guy know me? And all of a sudden, I realize

it's one of the guys that was a star of that show, Third Rock from the Sun. Mr. French is, man, I feel bad because I'm forgetting, oh my God, something French. but he was the guy in Third Rock from the Sun that had the real squinty eyes. He was like the male lead in Third Rock from the Sun. He was one of the aliens and he had the real Victor French, I think, maybe.

I'm sorry I'm forgetting his first name, God. But real funny guy, real talented guy. And all of a sudden, he jumps up out of his chair and gives me a hug. I go, oh, hey, man, how you doing? And we start talking and we start yucking it up. And I said to him, I said, man, do you remember when I had my sitcom? I did a sitcom like 20 years ago called Simon. I was the star.

I was Simon and Jason Bateman played my brother. Me and Jason Bateman. And because I was the star, I got to be in the room when all the people came into audition. And Mr. French came in and was one of the guys. And I thought, oh, this guy's really good. I really like him. He didn't get the part. but that was my first introduction to him way, way back then.

And so he was really warm and nice. And it almost felt like we were old buddies. And I started talking about our, you know, he goes, he goes, you remember that? And I said, oh, yeah, dude. I said, you were one of my favorites, man. And he goes, oh, wow, thank you, man. And so, but here's the thing.

So he went on to bigger, better things. He ended up on an NBC sitcom that was a smash hit that ran for like six seasons. or something. And he was one of the main stars of a hit show. Okay, a hit show. Did you know how hard it is to, first of all, get on a show and then have it be any good and then have it be a hit? That's even bigger odds.

And then it was on a major network. Nowadays, we have cable and we've got Internet. But back then in the 80s and the 90s, forget it. If you got on ABC, NBC, or CBS, you were like, you were like gold man that's where friends was that's where seinfeld was that's where this show was that's where all the big big shows lived and uh and so this guy was there and when i finished talking to him i just in my head it kind of creeped in my head i went i was like god this guy you know this

guy kind of made it big why why are they making them audition for a for a you know a mediocre part a smaller part. And I said, oh, well, you know, fair is fair. I guess everyone's got to read, you know, and I kind of let it go. And I was sitting there, and he went in, he went in to read, and then he left. And I was sitting there waiting for my turn. There was a few people ahead of me. And all of a sudden, a guy walks in and signs in, and guess who it is? An even bigger start. It's Kramer from Seinfeld. Hello, Jerry. Hey, Jerry. Remember Kramer? How can you forget Kramer? You know, when I first met you, Kramer used to wear jeans all the time.

Yeah, well, I was a different man then. With a different body. Hey, I got the body of a Todd pre-teen Swedish boy. And I just, my heart just sunk and went, are you shitting me? That's Kramer. Kramer, one of the most iconic, funniest, well-known TV stars of the last hundred years. Is that fair to say?

I think it is. Kramer, ladies and gentlemen And I watch this guy Walk up sign in He goes and takes a seat And he's just sitting there He looks uncomfortable I can just feel it in his head

I could almost read his thoughts Like what the fuck am I doing here Are you serious? You're making me read for a sidekick roll And it was just awkward It was uncomfortable, and he was shifting, and I thought, all right, let me, let me say something. I said, hey, man, how you doing, Michael? And he's like, oh, how you doing?

Yeah, oh, hi. And I said, we shot a pilot together years ago. Me and you did a pilot together, and we've worked together at the comm, and he's like, I could tell he recognized me the minute I started talking. He's like, oh, yeah. So we started talking, and he seemed to lighten up. Like, I could tell it kind of, I think he felt good about it. You know, I think it, like, diverted the attention away from, you know, here is one of the most famous guys on the planet sitting in this room waiting to read

for a spot in my brain. They just should give it to him. It's Kramer! You don't make Kramer read? You don't make Kramer come in and read for a sidekick? Okay, maybe, just maybe if it's the main starring role, but do you not know how funny this guy is? Do you not know how talented he is?

Do you not know how amazing Kramer is? Michael Richards? Are you... I was angry. And then I just went, man, this town is cold. Hollywood is cold. Hollywood is cruel. So I got out of the seat and I started walking towards him.

He says, where do you think you're going, Cracker Jack? I says, well, I got a little prize for you, buddy. Plow! Pula! Pula! Yeah! Knocked him out cold. How could you do that?

Then everybody is screaming. Because the driver, he's passed out because of all the commotion, the bus is out of control. So I grab him by the collar. I take him out of the seat. I get behind the wheel. Now I'm driving the bus. You're Batman?

Yeah, yeah, I am Batman. Then the mugger, he comes to and he starts choking me. So I'm fighting him off with one hand, and I kept driving the bus with the other, you know? Then I managed to open up the door and I kicked them out the door, you know, with my foot, you know, at the next stop. You kept making all the stops? Well, people kept ringing the bell. He doesn't deserve this.

It's Kramer, man. Just, you don't, you, here's what you do. You write a show and you go, do you think we can get Kramer? I don't know. Let's call him up and let's praise our lucky stars if he wants to do it. let's ask them maybe let's see if we can even ask them how about that but no no no no no they put this guy through the hoops oh my god it just it made me sick and then he went in and he did his thing and we said goodbye and i just felt horrible for the guy because if you know if it was me i just would

say hey what do you want to do kramer but then when he left i brought it up i said god that's brutal that they, you know, I was talking to the other guys in the waiting room now. There was like three or four other, and I said to them, I said, you know, years ago, I auditioned for a sketch show, okay? I went in to read for a sketch show for Fox, and I walked into the waiting room and I'm sitting there and Craig Robinson's there. This was before Craig Robinson became really big. You know, he was in the office and hot tub time machine, the African American guy, super funny, great guy. And this was before he blew up. up and all these other, you know, sketch people and comedy people are sitting in the waiting

room for a sketch show and in walks Kevin McDonald from Kids in the Hall. Okay? I don't know if you're familiar with Kids in the Hall, but in the 80s and 90s, it kind of redefined sketch comedy. It was like the Nouveau hip version of Saturday Night Live. I mean, it was a huge cult hit, and these guys were doing cutting edge, like, you know, really. great, funny stuff. They were being hailed as the new face of sketch comedy. And I was sitting there, and I'm like, they're making Kevin McDonald,

one of the premier members of kids in the hall, audition for a lousy sketch show. Are you kidding? What the hell? Why don't you just make Brad Pitt audition for a movie? Why don't you make, you know, Jack Nicholson audition for a movie? These people shouldn't be auditioning. Oh, and it just made me feel like, what a town.

Hollywood is rough, man. If you think Hollywood is easy. And like I said, let's go back to the psychological part. It's tough because psychologically you're always being told how good you are or how great you are or how crap you are or how shitty you are. And how is it that you can get to the top of the heap? You can climb to the top of the mountain. And Seinfeld was the number one sitcom on NBC, I think, for 10 years, man.

Like hands and feet above everything else. It just blew everything out of the water. It was a joggernaut. And Kramer was a huge part of it. And here he is, you know, reduced to coming in, signing in, and reading for a sidekick role. It just made me sad. It made me wonder. Because, you know, he's got to have tons of money.

You know, he's got to have millions and millions and millions of dollars from all the residuals and the reruns and the syndication money. I mean, there's a lot of money there. That guy's probably sitting on a lot of money. And I thought, what would make him come in? And I hate to use this term, and I hope this isn't insulting to him, but why would he lower himself? Or maybe he's just, you know, maybe he doesn't think that way.

Maybe he's, I'm an actor. I'm an actor through and through. I will do what I have to do. I will audition. I will read. I am an actor. I must go through the process, just like everyone else. Maybe.

That's honorable. But for me, no. I think I just wish people that got to a certain level got to stay there. And they, you know, they did all the work. They did all the legwork. They did all the hustle and the bustle and the sleeping in the car and eating peanut butter. They deserve better, man. So anyways, that broke my heart.

And then I'm walking down. I leave. I do my little read. I go in and read. I feel like I did a good job. I haven't heard back from them yet. So not a good sign. Hopefully they gave it to Kramer, right?

I hope they gave it to Kramer, honestly. That's how I feel. Screw me. I want Kramer to get that damn part. But anyways, I'm leaving. I go down the elevator. I walk down to the main lobby of this building. And as I'm walking out, guess who's walking in?

Broke my heart even more. Oh, man. Newman. Remember Newman from Seinfeld? Hello, Newman. Hello, Newman. Damn, you Seinfeld. You useless pastule.

Remember the chubby guy who was also in Jurassic Park? The original, he was the guy that stole the chip and ran through the mud and got attacked by the Newman. And I was like, oh, I stopped him. I go, oh, dude, are you going up for the thing? He's like, yeah, I said, oh, well, I said, Kramer's up that was just up there. Too bad you missed a mini reunion. And I hate to say this, but he just looked at me and he goes, ew, no thanks. And I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa.

some bad blood maybe between Kramer and Newman? I don't know. It wasn't the best positive reaction I've ever heard. But that being said, maybe he was just goofing with me. Maybe it was, I don't know, but it was definitely a resounding, oh, no thanks. And then we just laughed and I said, good luck. And off I went with my broken heart.

Newman? Kramer? reading for sidekick roles it's just so for those of you that ever thought that you wanted to be an actor and that Hollywood was a cakewalk and that you know once you get there you get there no it's tough it's hard and it's really hard emotionally you know that's why a lot of actors are messed up because they're dealing with rejection and and and you know being lifted up to the to the top and then dropped back down and kicked around and being made to grovel once they've already been somebody big. And it's just, man, it's tough.

You've got to have a tough disposition to maneuver through the pitfalls and the heights and the valleys of Hollywood, man. And I hope this doesn't come off as sexist, but I think women have it even harder. because women, you know, they're often sexualized. They have a lot of things, you know, are based on their looks and their figure and, you know, obviously they're talent too, but I think there's a whole other level for women that's, oh, man, it's just tough. So there you go. There's my true Hollywood story and breaks my heart.

I hope, you know, I hope any, well, what am I? I was about to say, well, for any of you casting people and directors and producers, can you give the good guys a break? And it's like, obviously not. So why am I even saying it? So there you go. Maybe they should go into the porno industry, huh? Maybe it sounds like there's a lot of money and opportunity.

How about Kramer and Newman in Schindler's Fist Part 2? How about that? Hello, Newman. Hello, Newman. So there you go. Goodbye, Newman. Goodbye, Kramer. Goodbye, everybody. So sad. So hopefully they show up on that damn show. They deserve it. Speaking of show, we've come to the end of this one. I've just been rambling so long. Oh, my God. Let's do some announcements.

Hey, speaking of seeing me in action, if I don't get the TV roll, you can see me live this weekend in Phoenix, Arizona. It's stand up live, baby. Oh, yeah, great comedy club in Phoenix, Arizona, stand up live. Please come out, catch the show. I'll be there March 2nd to March 4th, Thursday through Saturday. Great club, beautiful club. And I'm going to be there doing my stand-up comedy. So come on out, go to Harlem Williams.com, click on the stand-up tour link.

You can book your tickets right on my way. website so you're sure not to miss uh and uh what else we got going uh let's see we got uh coming up in uh april i'm going to be in erie pennsylvania right on the shores of uh lake erie yum uh that'll be uh april 30th through uh march first or sorry may first april may first and then the following week, April 7th to, wait, no, no, no, I think I screwed that up. Hold on, hold on, everybody. Okay, hang on. March 30th.

Okay, Erie, Pennsylvania, March 30th to April 1st. That's what it is. And then April 7th to April 9th, they'll be in Virginia Beach. Great club down there, the Funny Bone. in Virginia Beach and that'll be out at the casino in Connecticut the Indian casino April 20th through the 22nd

so some really cool gigs coming up check it out it's all on my website harlem williams.com also you can phone me please call me let me know if you've ever seen anyone with teen wolf hair 323739 43330 323 739 403330 the phone number is also on

the website, harlough williams.com. If you can't remember it, you can write me at harlainwilums.com. Also, uh, join our premium membership, $20 a year, get you the whole catalog of every episode we've ever done, almost, uh, coming up on 850, man. Holy jumping, 850 episodes of the Harlan Highway, 20 bucks a year, get you in, plus bonus, uh, material, bonus stand-up comedy sets, bonus interviews, bonus podcasts, all kinds of stuff. So 20 bucks a year, that ain't much.

Also get our free app, the Harland Highway app. Just go into your app store on your cell phone type in the Harland Highway. Boom, it's free. And you can listen to me and the podcast wherever you may be. Hopefully you're enjoying it. Hopefully we gave you some laughs.

Thanks for being here, everybody. And until next time, Chicken. Chowman. baby? You really gotta see Bustin' nut and grandma's bot. This thing is...