The Harland Highway - 850 - CORPORAL TOM DOWDY on illegal wiretaps. Korean NEWS. Crazy NEWS story

Episode Date: March 9, 2017

Corporal Tom Dowdy chimes in on illegal wire tapping. CRAZY news story. Calls from listeners. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, hey, hey, it's Harlem Williams here on the Harlan Highway, the only podcast that I know of that has the word highway in it and Harland. So you're here. I'm your host, Harlem Williams. Thanks for being here, everybody, all you pavement pounders. What do we got going on today? Oh, big story out of North Korea. We'll have the North Korean news. That's coming up. Also, we're going to talk about. this, all this WikiLeaks and the wiretapping stuff that's been going on in here in America. It's getting startling. It's reaching like maximum capacity. And I think we have a military expert calling in a corporal lieutenant, first commander in chief, lieutenant, corporal Tom Dowdy will be calling in to share his thoughts with what's going on.

Pretty scary. And what else? We're going to be doing a crazy news story, a crazy news story about a thief that stole something very peculiar, very kind of creepy, yikes. And then we'll be taking a few of your phone calls, listening to your phone calls. You can always call me at 323739, 43330.

But let's talk right now in person. This is the Harland Highway. Sit down, strap in, and tighten your diaper. Come here, baby. You're about to go down the Harlan Highway. No! I didn't bargain for this. Oh, yes, you did it.

Chick-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-chall-main, baby. And the creature from all the space. Please don't stop. I got to feed an ugly face. Magnificent performance. This is the Harland Highway. I hate you. Well, that's the way it goes.

What do you say? We get down to business. This is a little disturbing. This is a little disturbing. It's beyond disturbing, but, you know, there was a another WikiLeaks drop. This WikiLeaks thing, I don't know how you feel about WikiLeaks.

In a way, it's disturbing and appalling, and we should be like, you know, abolishing WikiLeaks, but on the other side of the coin, we should be holding WikiLeaks up and praising them because they're kind of opening secret windows into the world that we would not have been. known about or we might have suspected but had no proof about. And so I don't know if you're like me, but I'm mixed on WikiLeaks.

I kind of don't like it that they're going in and, you know, acquiring information, whether it's legally or illegally or they're hacking or they're buying hacked information from other sources. I don't know how they do it all, but at the end of the day, they seem to expose. us, the humble public, to some very corrupt and covert activities by individuals, by governments, by corporations, by political parties, by entities, you name it, man. And I guess in the latest round of releases, they've released more information. on how the American government,

and I'm sure all powerful governments around the world, have, you know, installed malware or some kind of virus or whatever you want to call it. I'm not that tech savvy to know the right words. Whenever I hear malware or malware, however they even pronounce it, it's just an ugly word, there's some malware in your computer. Oh my God Someone get the malware spray

Oh there's malware Mallware Isn't malware clothing that you wear to the mall Maybe it's malware I don't know but That just that word makes me itchy It feels like there's a parasite There's bad bugs in my computer

There's a parasite in my phone In my internet in my whatever's It's creepy, man. And so now, you know, we had that initial big leak by Edward Snowden that said that the government at any time, any place, anywhere can be listening to your cell phone conversations, can activate your cell phone camera, can use your cell phone's recording system to record your conversations. They can look at your text. They can, and now WikiLeaks has just put out that, you know, they've got a whole new batch of classified files and information that reaffirms this. They say that the government can watch you through the camera and your TV, through your computers, through your phone.

It's really frightening. It's really scary. And, you know, I guess I should say this little disclaimer that unless you're a lot of, a bad guy who gives a crap like yeah maybe maybe the government could listen to me and my girlfriend talking dirty but what else are they going to hear you know they're going to hear me practicing my jokes they're going to hear me talking to my buddies about how good our McDonald's was are they going to hear us jumping up and down when our favorite sports team wins are they going to hear us talking about our families and how much we hate one of our brothers

I mean, really, it's probably just mostly boring, right? But if you're a bank robber or you're ISIS or you're a terrorist or you're plotting a murder or you're planning a bank heist, I guess it's, I guess you better watch yourself. You know, what's the deal? Are most of us, maybe we should all switch to like braille and sign language. man you know maybe we start communicating in silence how many you want to suddenly learn sign language at a uh i guess you can't talk on the phone in sign language can you that'd be like

you pick up your phone hello david is that you david is that you david i can't see your sign language. David, what are you saying? David! I mean, yeah, it just wouldn't work, would it? You know, maybe, maybe, you know, I've always heard that aliens, you know, the big aliens with the almond-shaped eyes and the big bulbous heads. I've heard theories about them that they don't talk, that everything's done through telepathy, that they communicate just through the mind. And it makes me wonder if human beings will evolve, will adapt out of necessity, out of privacy, out of survival.

Will these types of invasive maneuvers by the government cause the human form, the human mind to evolve? Is it possible? You know, all creatures, all organisms, evolve to adapt to their environment. You know what I mean? And so I wonder if, you know, this type of thing eventually somehow psychologically, metaphysically,

chemically, causes us to alter our brain patterns and our body functions and we suddenly start to evolve into these ESP type of beings where everything's done through telepathy. You just talk to everyone you know through your mind. But you know the government would figure out some kind of, you know, CIA mind reading apparatus. You know, they'd have a CIA mind app or something, right?

So it's a little frightening. And I think we've, Roger, do we have someone calling in? Oh, it's, it's Colonel Tom, Corporal, it, Major Lieutenant Tom Dowdy from the U.S. military. He's calling in to talk about, okay, well, let's put on, this guy, Corporal Major, First Lieutenant, Tom Dowdy is an expert in, in all military and covert operation type stuff, so he might be the perfect guy to talk to. Let's put them through, Roger. Here we go. Let's talk to him.

Hello, sir, are you there? Hello, civilian. How are you today? Good, major lieutenant, first commander, Homeland Security Chief, Corporal Tom Dowdy. Thank you, civilian. I am a go. sir? I am ago. Commence conversation, civilian. Yes, sir. We were talking about, you know, the CIA and the depths they go to, to mine information, to listen to, to watch private and personal conversations. Do you know anything about this, sir? A hundred percent. A hundred percent civilian. Let me give you a quick example.

Uh, yes, sir Uh, civilian, go ahead and, uh, think of three words right now. Don't say them out loud. Just think about them in your head. Go ahead. Uh, okay, sir, um, okay, I've got, uh, three, there you go. All right, civilian, let me tell you what you just thought of. Wait a minute, are you telling me you, you, you,

were able to read my mind? Civilian, you just thought of the word rhinoceros, coconut, and Ferrari. Um, uh, no. All right, I think you might be, uh,

not telling the truth. No, sir, I wasn't thinking of any of those words. All right, well, if you're gonna bullshit me, maybe I'm gonna hang up. Sir, I wasn't thinking of any of those words, but are you telling me you were somehow trained in mind capture with ESP type of stuff? Civilian, I think you know my resume. I am a soldier. I'm a Navy SEAL.

I'm a black ops officer with the United States Marine Corps, Civilian Air Force 512. 7-9, Battalion 5-62, Black Seal, Navy Op, military issue. And I think I forget the rest. Okay, but were you trained in some kind of mind? Try thinking of your favorite movie, Civilian. Okay, I've got it. list. No, no, it was close encounters of the third kind.

Listen, if you're going to bring me on your show and bullshit me, okay, I think maybe I'm going to hang up right now. No, sir, don't, don't hang up. We want to get your feedback on this. What are they doing? Can you explain to us what they're doing? It's very simple civilian. We live in a society

where 99.9% of the people are respectable, upright, honest, hard-working citizens. But there's a few in the bunch that smell like Richard Simmons' last bowel movement. Okay, sir. What I'm saying, civilian, is there's people out there that stink, and they stink real bad. They stink like cow manure floating on the back of a Chinese forested.

sir are you okay sorry i lost my train of thought there for a second civilian sir have you ever participated in any mind control activities during your tenure at the in the military you're damn right i have civilian uh wow is there any way you could share that with us you got it in just about four seconds

you're going to start thinking about a specific color. Okay. I'm just going to wait for four seconds, civilian. All right. And the color is yellow. Actually, sir, I was thinking of blue. Well, you're a goddamn fucking liar, aren't you, civilian? You know, time after time on your show, you've shot me down.

And I think here he just called me up to fuck with me. No, I didn't, sir. Well, just see you know, a civilian. I'm watching you through your laptop computer right now. Wait, what? Yeah, you got it, buddy. I'm watching your every fucking move through your fucking Sony laptop. I don't, I have an Apple, sir.

I knew that. I was just testing you, civilian. Oh, whoa. This is creepy stuff. By the way, I like your blue shirt and your black pants. I'm wearing like a gray t-shirt and blue jeans. All right. If you're going to fuck around with me, I'm going to hang up.

Because I'm fucking listening to you through your seat. cell phone right now. Well, why do you have to listen to me through my cell phone when we're talking? Because I want to hear what you have to say. If I hear something I don't like, guess what? I'd call up my buddies at the Pentagon

and you're fried like a piece of French toast on the ass end of a fucking Korean walnut farmer's shit shack. What? You've heard me, I'm listening to you right now.

Well, then you're listening to yourself, too. What did you just say? I said if you're listening to me, you're listening to you, because we're talking together. What? You're listening. We're talking together, sir. Holy fuck, I gotta hang up. Sir, what?

I gotta hang the fuck up. Are you spying on me, asshole? No, you called the show. We're talking together. I can't believe this bullshit. You know what? I'm going to call my friends. the Pentagon, and they're going to come down there and waterboard your ass. And when I say

waterboard your ass, most of the times they waterboard people by pouring water in their mouth. But we're going to sit you upside down, spread your fucking moon cheeks, and pour fucking Perrier bottled water right down your second mouth. That's right, sir, civilian. I'm talking about your calumari ring. We're going to waterboard you right out of your fucking baboon hole. What that? That sounds disgusting, sir.

You got it coming. You're going to spy on a Navy seal like me. You're going to get your asshole rinsed out like a fucking buck-toothed farm boy at a fucking teeth cleaning convention. Whoa, what the wait a minute you called me

and you're the one that was spying on me, French lieutenant, Colonel North, operations manager, Doughty? Oh, well, you try and turn it around. Well, guess what? We're gonna turn you around to the waterboarding chair, and we're gonna pour Welch's grape juice right down into your fucking little circular mouth, you little goldfish sucking clay pond gurgling fucking flapjack,

sucking horror machine. Wow, sir! I think you're getting a little aggressive here. Well, it's because I'm a Navy SEAL black op, and I'll fucking do what I need to do to survive, civilians, so you better get on your pogo stick and fucking ride deep into the night because the ghost rider's coming to get your fucking ass, and I'm going to barbecue it like a South Korean pinwheel at a Donkey Kong festival.

Well, sir, I'm, yeah, are you talking in code? Because I just, I almost don't understand a word you're saying. Bingo fly boy. Now, I'm going to get out of here before you can trace this goddamn call because I know you're fucking tapping this call. But I'm way ahead of your fucking slingshot face. So you can... Did you just call me slingshot face?

You got it, buckwheat bonsai. You can take your fucking co-op operations, stuff them in your grandmother's fucking bun and shampoo her hair with fucking liceol of and cleaner. Fuck you, eat your crap. What the hell? The hell was that, Roger? How did I go from...

He phones us to talk about spying. Is he gone? I hope so. Geez, I don't get it. You know, well, how am I the bad guy? He's the guy with all the so-called, you know, spy technology and knowledge of whatever, man. That was just, that went sideways. I mean, we called the guy for his expertise and now I'm sitting here feeling like I'm some kind of Russian spy or something. Man, alive.

I'm going to go get a Coke in the cafeteria. Play a commercial, Roger. Let's just move on. Yikes. Hey, everybody. Who wants to have better sex? No? Yes.

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Take it away, Kawhal. Manureen, all of all kinds of crime-bubon-sacons, and amsalt-unders'-o-sacquets and endang-a-regnatured, and back-or-and-up-saucsac-upon-o-sack-o-sac-upon-enstionionstment, this one HAPDUNSA-unsa-uner-in-same and inia-sign-concement of warringed

to make sure-whide moriact sodom is a real-wido got. More on this news story as it developed. You've been listening to North Korean News. Hello? Hello? Hello. Hey, Arlen.

This is Ken from Denver, Colorado. Hey, man. I just wanted to leave you a whole... leave you a voice mail kind of talking about some of the podcasts recently. I was laughing at the one that you were talking about, that Alex guy that was telling you to fucking stop talking about Trump. Obviously, I think it's kind of funny, man, because everybody just gets so emotional about that. I mean, anytime something gets emotional about something that they care about, they're going to complain about it. But, I mean, I like it, man. It's a good thing for you to try to open people's

perspectives up and you know try to have them look at things from a different point of view but man i just want to say thank you because uh one of my buddies introduced me to you um i remember watching you back in rocket man when i was younger uh but he introduced me to the podcast and we would sit there when we were closing our old store uh together and listen to your podcasts on the speaker and just sit there and laugh at uh at what you're talking about with Aunt Ruthie and all that stuff. But I went through a pretty tough time in my life going through a divorce and going through some tough phases and driving to work every morning and getting to listen to your podcast

or, you know, your short stories or whatever the case is. It's nice, man. It's nice to laugh and you do a great thing for everybody. So I just wanted to share my appreciation for him in and tell you to keep it up and, you know, ignore people like Alex, you know, being fuck off. Anyway, man, thanks. Chicken chown main, baby.

Ken, Ken, Ken, Ken, Ken. Thank you, buddy. What a great phone call. I appreciate it. And that's why I do this, man. To know that, you know, people are out there just driving to work or at their store or at their office

or walking their dog, hopefully I can just bring a smile to your face, put a little joy in your, your life, open your mind up to, you know, provocative thought or stupid thought or whatever the hell I offer. But I really appreciate your feedback. And I'm glad that you get something out of the podcast, man. That's what it's all about. And, you know, as far as opening up other people's mind with talk about Trump or anything political or anything like that, that's all I do. I try to offer up a perspective.

I never try to force people to think a certain way. So I'm glad you recognize that. I just like to talk about options and discuss observations and points of view and things like that. But you can like whoever you want. And, you know, as far as Alex writing me and telling me to fucking stop, which was a lot of fun. I don't mind it. Like I like Alex, I like Alex just as much as you or anyone else because, you know, he's allowed to offer up his opinion. He's allowed to be upset or disagree or whatever.

And I appreciate those letters and those phone calls. And I have just as much fun and they're just as meaningful to me. I'm sorry that sometimes what I say gets people upset or they think I'm a certain way or mindset. but I try to be open and absorb all points of view as well as offer up my points of view. So it's all give and take. It's all fun. And I'm glad you're here, man. And tell your friends about the podcast.

That's what I want to do. Get more people on board who can get some fun and some stimuli out of this podcast. Let's take another call, man. Hey, Harlan. I've always loved you, but I used to love you because I thought you were the craziest motherfucker on the planet. And recently, after hearing your takes on, you know, the Trump administration and Hollywood and how everybody's just completely overreacting about everything, I'm starting to love you because I'm starting to think you're one of the sanest people on the fucking planet. Love you, bud. Chicken Chao May. Well, there you go. Thank you. again another complimentary call. And it's weird to hear that because, you know, I've kind of made a career on being kind of a nutty, goofy, silly, funny whack bag, if that's even a word.

But like all people, I have a more serious side. I have a more, you know, deeper, thoughtful side that, you know, I guess I could do a whole podcast being that guy. But I feel like there's enough people out there being that guy. And I don't want to inundate people or, you know, swamp people with all those more serious thoughts that I have. So what I do is I dole them out here and there and I share them sparingly so that it doesn't overwhelm the comedy and the fun and the silliness. So I try to keep a balance here at the Harland Highway, but mostly it's funny and goofy. silly. So I'd say it's like a, I'd say it's like an 80-20 split. But just because, you know, my mind does go to these places and I do think about this stuff there very deeply and I'm very analytical about a lot of things. And so, you know, because it's a forum for me to talk and share

my insights, I like to let those come out too. So if it helps, if it's something people get something out of, then so be it. Fun, fun stuff. Speaking of stuff, Roger, do we have anything in the news that's, do we have any crazy, we do? Okay, Roger just gave me the thumbs up. Why don't we end the show on a crazy news story, man? I think that's the way to go here.

All right, here we go. Crazy news story here on the Harlan Highway. The Harlan Highway. Crazy news story. That's weird. That's strange stuff. All right, here it is. This is crazy.

Check out this crazy news story. Man returned stolen van after finding dead body inside police say. Good Lord. Here it is. A man discovered a dead body inside the van he stole from a mortuary early Sunday morning in Riverside, California. Police said only to return the vehicle and promptly steal one without a deceased person inside. What the hell? First of all, who the hell is stealing vehicles from a mortuary? What, there weren't enough cars in the Walmart parking lot? What the, a mortuary or mortuary? I can't

even say it. I'm so incensed. How'd a goof? The guy steals. it starts motoring around there's a stiffy in the back he realizes it goes back and leaves that van to go steals another one without a stiffy how did he know the stiffy was there did what did he pull into the

to the uh the uh the drive through at burger king you know he gets up to the window he's like uh sir here's your double whopper with the cheese did did the guy in the back want anything Uh, what guy in the back? The guy laying down in the back, did he want something to eat too? There's no guy laying down in the back.

Yeah, that guy right there with the pennies on his eyes. Oh, my God! I mean, how do you not know? It's ridiculous. Here, let's read some more. Bobby Joe Washington 24 found the van parked outside the mortuary at 1.30 a.m. With the keys inside. Okay, why?

Why do people still? do this. Why do people leave their keys in their car? How many stories do you read every year? Janice Smith left her children in the car and the keys in the ignition while she ran into the liquor store to get some Jack Daniels. It's like, stop leaving your keys in your ignition. You know what? You deserve to have your car stolen. The van's own, the van's driver had just picked up the body and briefly went inside to pick up some paper. work, he said. Okay, see, you don't go inside.

And who the hell's hanging? Since when is there a car thief hanging around at a mortuary? I mean, aren't these usually gated facilities or just kind of weird pieces of real estate? It's not like there's a big flashy sign. Come on in!

John's mortuary. Over 100 million dead people served. Like, it's such an abysh. obscure place. About an hour later, per the newspaper, an officer investigating the theft was flagged down by an employee. Another van had been stolen.

An employee tried to stop Washington from stealing the second van, police said, and Washington tried to run that employee over. Well, of course he did, because he missed the dead body from the first van, and he thought, You know, I kind of, that guy was a pretty good traveling companion. You know, he was quiet, he didn't say too much, he just kind of laid there. You know, that's the kind of passenger I like. I think I'll run someone over and get a new stiffy for the new van. What kind of an idiot is this?

It says he was unsuccessful. Washington then led police on a 10-minute chase before being arrested. Police told the Times, he was not charged with stealing the dead body. We don't think he knew the body was in there at the time he stole it, says the Times. Instead, Washington was charged with two counts of vehicle theft, one count of assault with a deadly weapon, and one count of evading police. Well, what do you mean? There's no, there's no charge. There should be a charge that's kidnapping, man. just because you're dead, you're still, you're still a human, you still have an identity.

He kidnapped somebody. Quote, out of all the bad decisions he made, at least he made one good one and brought back the deceased person. Yeah, because he's like, man, I stole a van, but it's one thing to steal a van, but I don't need to be haunted for the rest of my life. You know what I'm saying? It's like, I don't need, I don't need no. No van ghost chasing me around. I took that motherfucker back. Unbelievable.

So there you go. Even in death, you're not safe from a carjacking, ladies and gentlemen. Boy, oh boy. Desperate times. And don't those mortuary vans usually have like a big logo on the side? You know, Willard's mortuary? Isn't there usually some kind of? of a you know signage on the side of these vans and i seem to remember that most most uh you know

dead bodies get wheeled around in in hursts you know it's a classy looking vehicle they're black they're long they're always impeccably washed i don't know that i want to be the dead guy tossed in the back of a Chevy van ah he's dead he won't know throw him in the van Yeah, move my hockey equipment, and I think there's an old carpet in there. Don't get any stains on it from the dead guy, all right? So there you go. Crazy news story here on the Harland Highway. Man, let's wrap it up right there.

Doesn't get any more nutty than that, does it? What can I tell you guys? Oh, I got to mention my new album with my cousin Kevin. Hearn from the Bare Naked Ladies. We formed a band called The Cousins, and we are putting out our first record, our first LP. It's digital only. You can pre-order it now. If you go to the cousinsband.com, the Cousinsband.com, you can see the link to pre-order the album.

Or on March 17th, we are going to be releasing it in its entirety. It's a little more expensive. So if you pre-order now, I think it's a few bucks cheaper. So if you want to save some money, go order it now. And it's full of, you know, incredible songs that Kevin and I have been working on over the years. And we really hope you dig. It's our first album called Rattlesnake Love. And we put a lot of work into it.

And we've been getting some preliminary feedback, some reviews. And they've all been really good. We've been getting some really great feedback. So that's a good sign. I would love it if you guys picked it up. It'll be on iTunes. And as I said, the link is available at the cousins band.com. And you can check it out.

That's March 17th on iTunes. And then what else can I tell you guys? I'm going to be doing some stand-up comedy in Erie, Pennsylvania, at Junior's Last Laugh. That's April 30th to, March 1st, Junior's Last Lap, Erie, Pennsylvania is the name of... Junior's Last Laugh is the name of the club in Erie, Pennsylvania. My first time being at that club, so I'm excited.

And then the following weekend, April 7th to April 9th, I will be in Virginia Beach at the Funny Bone, man. I've been down there before. Great club. Really looking forward to it. And then April 20th to the 22nd, I will be in Connecticut at the big East. Indian Casino at Comics with an X Comics. And I've been there once before, too. Really great places to do stand-up.

So look forward to you guys being there. If you want to get tickets, go to Harlow Williams.com. Just click on the stand-up tour link. And you can buy your tickets right there at my website. Also check out our store at the website. Lots of great merchandise, funny T-shirts, artwork. CDs, books, you name it, man. Digital downloads.

You can download my garden hose time machine short story as read by me. I actually read the story to you. And that's been getting some really great feedback from people. So that's available at the website under my books link. All kinds of great stuff. Also, please get our app for your phone. It's absolutely free. Just go on your app store and type in the Harland Highway

And you can listen to the show wherever you are Walking your dog, eating pickles, whatever it is you do And also if you want to join our premium membership That gives you access to every episode we've ever done 850 episodes of the Harland Highway Incredible deal That's like years of entertainment for you $20 plus,

bonus material that I put on the premium membership from time to time, stand-up comedy shows, interviews, blah, blah, blah. So really hope you get on board. Thank you to everyone who's become a premium member. Bless you, my children. And I think that's it, man. I think we're good to go. I'm glad you're here.

Please tell your friends about the podcast. We want to get millions and millions and millions of people listening to the harland highway so thank you so much and until next time chicken chameh baby you know fuck off